DOD301: Lydia's Got Her Groove Back (Tom Does Not)

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:29 Eli: To Dear Old Dads, the podcast that has time for a minute, but then bad stuff happens again, and honestly, at this point, podcast listener, at this point, it's on you for expecting him to be there, so, here's the thing, podcast, listener, and I need you to lock in with me, okay, so Tom's in a bad spot, he and seems to be being taken care of, He had to go back to the hospital. There were some complications based on his surgery. It seems like that is under control, but we're going to keep the jokes mild. You know what I'm saying?

0:00:33 Thomas: Oh Man Yeah Yeah

0:01:08 Eli: You're not going to go hard on Old Tomifer for this particular round. And then maybe next episode when you tune in, I'll be like that slack jawed piece of shit. But I'm gonna, I'm going to, we're doing what's called a hedge on this week's episode.

0:01:18 Lydia: Yeah uh

0:01:20 Thomas: That's A, yeah That a bad people, people who know Eli should know this is fucking start

0:01:28 Eli: Right. You know that when Jaboi, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm you what the doctors told Haley, start shopping for dark clothing.

0:01:29 Lydia: -huh that's an indicator

0:01:31 Thomas: For dark clothing too, yeah Yeah My dad always loved the good, my old dad-ism, he'd love to make the joke that the doctor said, like, I don't buy any green bananas, so that was the one that he loved to say, you know, all the old timey things.

0:01:48 Eli: You go. Don't buy any green bananas

0:01:53 Thomas: Yeah. Love it. Like when just, just, yeah, he had, I think he had some more, but I can't I'll have to think good times, good old, old people stuff. Yeah, yeah.

0:01:55 Lydia: Man in his diary man

0:01:55 Eli: That's a good one I'll take it yeah so chugging along, we will keep you informed to the extent that he wants us to, but yeah, we're keeping it chill. Him some love. Hopefully we'll have updates. He's pretty good about posting on Facebook and Haley posts on Facebook. But to the extent that he is comfortable and wants us to, we will keep you in the loop. But we have a little treat for you, podcast listener, because once again, we are joined by the one, the only Lydia Smith.

0:02:11 Thomas: Hey

0:02:35 Eli: Honorary, at this point, Honorary dad, Lydia Smith, pinch -hitting in, yeah, pinch hitting in a mom and a dad. But Lydia, before we jump in to our adventures today, ask can you a quick question?

0:02:35 Thomas: Yeah, what

0:02:39 Lydia: You that's a big deal I'm a mom and a dad sad.

0:02:46 Thomas: The fuck am I doing here?

0:02:51 Eli: Do you know the only thing worse than the medical luck of our sweet good friend Thomas Curry?

0:02:51 Lydia: Yeah, man, not a lot.

0:02:56 Thomas: No.

0:02:58 Eli: Why, it's the auto ads, Lydia. I don't know if you knew about these.

0:03:00 Lydia: That makes sense. No, I agree.

0:03:01 Eli: Yeah. So these are a new invention. They just came around the bend, if you will. Don't buy any green bananas. Yeah.

0:03:01 Lydia: Yeah. Tell me more.

0:03:07 Thomas: Here, I'll tell you the origin story. It was in hell when the demons were in line trying to decide whose turn it was to torture Tom next. And they're like, no, me, no. Dude, I had it. And then during that, one of them was like, well, I guess I could work on something else, you know, like while I'm waiting.

0:03:07 Eli: Uh, torture Tom? Yeah. It's like when you're in line at Haunted Mansion, they've got all the, like, fun little things. That's what the auto ads are. They're the, the, that demons do while they're waiting. But, uh, there's actually a cure for such a malady, Lydia. Are you aware of this?

0:03:36 Thomas: Jesus

0:03:36 Lydia: I'm not.

0:03:36 Thomas: Christ. Christ. You're able to give your soul to Jesus Christ, then you don't go to hell.

0:03:43 Eli: Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We turned Christian.

0:03:46 Thomas: Finally,

0:03:45 Lydia: Big pivot for the show, you guys. Big pivot.

0:03:47 Thomas: Finally well, with Tom's with Tom dead. I'm sorry, I give it away with Time. Jesus Christ. Oh, poor Tom. I feel, yeah. I

0:03:52 Eli: Spoilers. God. Wow. Our very special episode. Here's the thing. I need him to be better before that joke hits the... Like, that's...

0:03:59 Thomas: Know. I know, you're right. I might, I might cut that.

0:04:03 Eli: We've had to do some bummer edits here on Dear Old Dads.

0:04:03 Lydia: Just keep it on the side.

0:04:06 Eli: And that one's... We've got like three days until this comes out, and I don't feel confident.

0:04:03 Thomas: Yeah. Oh, boy with with Tom being up at a lovely farm where he gets to frolic around, uh, they talk about the internet and, like, like, they're all like, "Oh, screw it.

0:04:15 Eli: Yes, we can run and frolic with the other toms. And they hate it. That's why it's a farm. There's no internet up there. It's just sunshine, and their all doing CrossFit all the time.

0:04:27 Thomas: Yeah, exactly. There's no electricity even. It's such a great place. We'll take you sometime. We'll see.

0:04:37 Eli: We'll tell you, we would love to go visit, but a up there are older. And so you gotta be, you gotta be careful. But hey, if you'd like to financially support what you just heard, you probably shouldn't, um, just hedge your bets karmically speaking. But if you did wanna give us money for what we just said, that's over at patreon.com/dearolddads. And there's never been a better time to give us your money, because I think we're paying for Tom's funeral.

0:04:39 Thomas: Yeah. Oh, God. Poor Tom.

0:05:07 Thomas: Yeah.

0:05:07 Eli: I believe that is the rule.

0:05:09 Thomas: Well, he'll bleed us dry with the last medical. You know, they say that 97% of the medical care happens in the last, oh god

0:05:16 Eli: All comes in that last 20 minutes when it comes to Tom. So you can give us your money over at patreon.com/dearolddads, like a lot of bad stuff into Tom, who I hope is okay when you're hearing this. Rip into it.

0:05:21 Thomas: Now

0:05:38 Eli: Lydia, we got you here today. We got some listener questions that we're going to discuss, but first we want to talk about Lydia's, uh, her groove back. Yeah, so there, Lydia, tell a, paint a picture, tell us what's going on. Mm.

0:05:49 Lydia: Am getting my groove back. Geez. Geez.

0:05:54 Thomas: She decided, do I want to be a mom? No, it's boring ring. Fuck that.

0:05:55 Lydia: Thomas. Okay. All right.

0:06:01 Thomas: I'm just kidding.

0:05:59 Eli: -hmm sure is nice

0:06:03 Lydia: I came to this realization actually recently where I was sort of reflecting my August was very busy in a lot of good ways. The first half of it I was like really focused on Phoebe's birthday and her party and everything like that. But back to school that also hit at that time. But then I sort of had this like, back to back experience of weekends at the end of August that were just awesome. Had got to go on like my first ever girls trip with a few of my girlfriends. I've never done that before.

0:06:30 Thomas: That one, you know, with Holly. Oh, it has to be more than one girl. Is that the rule?

0:06:32 Lydia: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, well, that was that was for the Backstreet Boys concert. Like that was like for a purpose. This was more like, let's go get an Airbnb kind of do whatever.

0:06:36 Thomas: Oh, this is let's go be a comedy with Tina Fey. And yeah.

0:06:44 Lydia: Yeah, And I never got to do that that before, right?

0:06:45 Thomas: Okay. I want to do that.

0:06:46 Eli: Okay.

0:06:48 Lydia: The best, it was the best. I can't remember if I talked, I don't think I talked about it with you guys on this show, but it was this whole experience where, you know, we had these plans, we were going to go out for dinner one night, and then, um, power went out for the entire eastern side of Lake Tahoe. Yeah.

0:07:02 Thomas: Yeah. The fire that I think I mentioned, I did mention on this show.

0:07:03 Lydia: Oh, we did talk about this? So that was that girls trip. I think that was in the bonus, so if you're not a patron, you guys missed out on this entire story. I'm not going to rehash it because you should just go to patreon.com/dearolddads and sign up there to hear this story. So, had a good time with the girls trip even with those issues there, and following weekend comes up and it's my 20 year high school reunion, and I went to that and I was feeling like, just first of all, I felt really anxious walking in, but then I was like, I don't know, I feel pretty good, I feel really confident, and yeah, and I didn't care about high school.

0:07:08 Thomas: Oh yeah.

0:07:33 Thomas: Lydia was the one person who was like, I'm excited to go see people from high school. It was really interesting. If you're wondering who that one person is,

0:07:41 Eli: Interesting.

0:07:43 Lydia: I legitimately did not care about high, I was ready when graduation happened. I was like, get me out of here, done.

0:07:43 Thomas: It's Lydia.

0:07:49 Lydia: I didn't care at all, but now I'm like, I'd know, it's kind of fun, and I wanted to go back and, like, see some folks. I barely knew anybody there. Made new friends with people I went to high school with that I didn't even know existed. Um, that was cool.

0:07:44 Eli: Yeah. Mm -hmm. Same.

0:08:03 Eli: That's been my experience of the postgraduate experience, is that, like, everyone who ever is like, hey, are you coming to the high school -based activity? And E. And I'm like, who the fuck are you? First, because I knew six drama kids in high school and that was it. Right. So the chances that I would recognize anyone else's name or face is just impossible to me.

0:08:12 Thomas: Yeah.

0:08:15 Lydia: Yeah, but I had a friend, um, was there. She was one of the class officers, so she was involved in putting this on, and she and I were catching up a little bit, and she just asked me, she was like, "Lydia, like, can you tell me, like, what, what have you been doing? Like, how are you, like, showing, like, up here, like you seem so confident, so happy, you going on? Like, what's your secret?" You know, kind of thing. She's so funny.

0:08:41 Eli: You selling a course,

0:08:42 Thomas: Is this a, what is happening here?

0:08:42 Eli: Lydia? That sounds like a fake. Lydia, that sounds like a fake... I know you're not telling a fake story, but I need you to know that it sounds like a fake thing someone says before they introduce a product that I can't just buy.

0:08:49 Thomas: Multi -level marketing. Yeah. Yeah.

0:08:56 Eli: I can be a seller of

0:08:57 Thomas: Look with Tom no longer being here, we need new revenue streams. Okay. So by Lydia's, by Lydia, his boob cream or whatever, it's just, is

0:09:03 Eli: Patreon is switching us over to monthly, yes is it the dildo one. I've always felt good about the dldo one Yes.

0:09:11 Thomas: It the dildo?

0:09:13 Lydia: Different products for different folks, you knows? Everyone finds their own.

0:09:14 Thomas: Yeah.

0:09:15 Eli: Yes. She's In all the MLMs, that's the thing about Lydia. Widespread MLM participation, that's her secret

0:09:22 Lydia: Yeah, but I told her, I was like, yeah, been a combination of different things, but I have never felt more like confident and self-assured in my entire life than I have in like this last year, like just kind of figuring out me, I've been in therapy, you know, that's part of it and sort of breaking down some things. I like I'm approaching conflict better in my relationships. Like I used to feel like just very, very different about it and more fearful about engaging it. And I've bee handling that better. I think Thomas can chime in. We'll see what he says. But it's just like all of these little things that are adding up where I feel just like more free and like more joyful I think

0:10:02 Thomas: Importantly, the boob creme. I what's the message here? It's just like you can have life after having three kids like it does, like it really does. It's fucking tough, obviously, to say the least. And it is cool to see like you've really like a corner in terms of, yeah, being able to like focus on your happiness more and stuff and like not be constantly just, you know, feeling like you're just like an incubator or just like a whatever for the kids. Kids. Yeah.

0:10:19 Lydia: I'm like blossoming. Yeah a shell, literally Yeah, like there like are plenty of times in the past, you know, number of years of being a mom where I have just felt like, like I am a vehicle for these other people. For everybody else in my my life, I am the thing that they need to get what they want, and so that is the only thing that I should be doing, and you just like lose so much of yourself in that. And I like you you had noticed moments of that where you were concerned like, "Hey, this isn't okay. What are we going to do?" But I think I've just like really been diving into it more myself headfirst lately, and out out that time, and you my calendar does get crazy like as a result. It's not always very easy get tired

0:11:13 Thomas: So a number is going to flash on your screen and it is 1-800. Uh, if you, if you want to feel this good too, no, it's good stuff. It's,

0:11:15 Lydia: Yeah. I

0:11:19 Eli: Cream. No.

0:11:25 Lydia: Had because Thomas and I just came back from like Boston and New York for a trip, and someone has known me since I was like pretty young and stuff reached out and they were like, "Can I just say, like, you just seem to be thriving right now?" No, out of nowhere, he texts me and Okay.

0:11:40 Thomas: Boobs are so shiny.

0:11:42 Eli: Having a manic episode right now, right here on our podcast. Strangers stop me on the street. Hey, I've never met you, but your existence is peaking. I'm seeing it peak Wait

0:11:42 Thomas: Who's your guy Yeah. Yeah.

0:11:44 Lydia: I just was really nice, and he was like, yeah, like like it's just so cool anyway

0:11:52 Thomas: Yeah. Oh boy. Well, let's, we gotta talk to some listeners' emails, let's let's see whose life is not as good.

0:12:03 Lydia: No

0:12:03 Eli: No I have so many questions about this Lydia, shit, you can't fuck it. Well, that's enough of that. Anyways, my wife has found a true peace with herself and a new sense of belonging. Anyways, Craig asks, "Can I fuck my babysitter?" Is that Polly? I don't know, know what the fuck is, I heard I heard you guys are calling it Polly these days, and she's she's almost 16 come on, don't be weird. Uh, so Lydia, first of all, was there a particular, I obviously, I'm gonna say horrible jokes, but before I do

0:12:06 Thomas: Okay.

0:12:06 Lydia: Eli lay

0:12:15 Thomas: Boring. Oh boy. Too true.

0:12:31 Lydia: It on me. Yeah I

0:12:37 Eli: Um, thank you for can holding, I say you're glowing. Was there like a turning point moment? Was it just like as the kids got older this got easier, or was this like a commitment that you as a person made to say like, "Hey, I'm having a not cash money time and I want to make more space for that" because because it's not like you guys have gotten less busy, and so I think a lot of parents listening to this are probably thinking like, you know, okay, great, how do I make that space? And look, when it comes to like me and my life, I can say like, oh, I should make more space in the time when I'm not doing things, but the Smiths

0:12:38 Lydia: Welcome them Yeah

0:13:13 Thomas: There's no

0:13:14 Eli: Are always doing things, so So I'm interested in like, as a really busy person with three kids, right? How did you find the time to make that space for yourself? And what are your sort of thoughts on that?

0:13:14 Thomas: Time for

0:13:15 Lydia: Man It's not easy, I will say, um, a lot of conversations with Thomas, honestly, and sort of refiguring out like some elements. Think some of the flexibility is that we get to make our own hours, you know, and so there's definitely privilege there.

0:13:32 Eli: Listen, you piece of shit.

0:13:41 Thomas: Yeah, mine are zero to 24.

0:13:46 Lydia: But here's an example. Like, I got back into working out. I had taken a long break from working out and I got back into it and I literally go, it's just two times a week for 30 minutes and I go to a trainer in my neighborhood, um, someone is holding me accountable and someone's just yelling at me to do things and so I do it. Yeah, and

0:14:04 Thomas: Me. No, I'm just kidding.

0:14:05 Eli: It like a really hot capoeira instructor? Because we can tell Thomas what that is if you want.

0:14:11 Lydia: Working. You know what I'm getting fit. So who cares? Don't ask questions. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it was like, like that element.

0:14:12 Eli: Yeah. Hey, yeah, exactly. Yeah. The

0:14:13 Thomas: No but is a woman who one day was like, I can, I just tell you, Lydia, you are glowing.

0:14:19 Eli: Strongest Person I've ever seen. You should fight crime. You have to stop coming here. The people need you will

0:14:30 Thomas: Yeah. I have no more to teach you. She's

0:14:33 Eli: You train me. Okay. So you you started working out.

0:14:36 Lydia: I think, think that's part of it, right? Started working out more and like just trying to stay committed to that. My parents moved up here. And so I've been trying to see them more. So it, it feels like creating these little moments to just feel more expansive, responsive in what my experience is day to day. Um, I'm in my house working and then surrounded by kids, right? And so that was not working for me. So just kind of figuring out those moments. I feel like I'm also like leaning on my friends more than I ever have in my life, which has been really, really incredible. Um, I've always been a very independent person and never had the problems, in quotes, you know, because I did, but I would just kind of process internally and like, like, not want to, like, put it on my friends. But I've been sort of flipping that a little bit and looking more to them for some support, which I feel like has psychologically, like freed me a little bit too, and has only led to better things. So I don't know.

0:15:22 Thomas: Putting everything on him.

0:15:34 Eli: Me about that because as as an extremely emotionally repressed person, that sounds like, like a terror to me to ever reach out to the people in my life about what I'm going through emotionally. Was that like a therapy thing? Was there like one person, if you're comfortable, like what kind of stuff have you been reaching out about? No

0:15:34 Lydia: Yeah. Mm hmm.

0:15:55 Lydia: Well, I think there's, there's a handful of people in my life where I think point where I decided, when someone is asking like, what's new, how am I doing, I could just answer honestly and like, what am I depriving of myself by refusing to be vulnerable with the people that supposedly I care the most about in my life? Um, I think it's just kind of built on itself over time as a result. So like, I kind of like took a little nugget, right, and, and started having those conversations maybe with like one or two of my closest friends and then it's just been sort of growing from there. Um, know, I'm gonna get into the specifics, but, um, yeah.

0:16:34 Eli: No, I didn't. Tell me what you tell your best friends that you've been afraid to up until this point. Now say three, two, one, all your deepest his secrets. Well, that's, that's all really cool. Um,

0:16:45 Lydia: I, so I'm just feeling good and, and I hope everybody can feel good and, uh, yeah.

0:16:50 Eli: No. I don't know if you heard about Tom. He's Uh, he actually you're his portrait of Dorian Gray. Oh, what?

0:16:52 Lydia: I know I know Oh.

0:16:56 Eli: If that's the case, huh?

0:16:52 Thomas: Yeah. I was gonna say that she's the inverse of Tom's luck.

0:16:59 Lydia: No. Oh.

0:17:00 Eli: Yeah.

0:17:01 Lydia: No.

0:17:01 Thomas: Wow.

0:17:01 Eli: Could you stub your toe real quick? I'm gonna FaceTime him and see if, like, if you just, if there's like a direct sort of psychic conduit between the two of you. Yeah.

0:17:01 Thomas: Oh.

0:17:11 Lydia: Hope not. Yeah.

0:17:12 Eli: Hope not as well. Well, that's, that's really awesome. And I hope folks follow your example. But hey, let's talk about some of these parenting questions that folks have. First one is coming up is about what to do while our kids are at activities. Listener writes, "Dear Tom, Thomas and Eli," in parentheses.

0:17:30 Thomas: Could have Lydia read. I always make her read everything on the show. So that's all the only reason I say that.

0:17:35 Eli: I was like, God, I really fucking blew that sentence.

0:17:36 Thomas: Yeah. Tiredness.

0:17:38 Eli: And so on. Dear Thomas, Popcorn Lydia.

0:17:38 Thomas: Yeah. Just sick of you. No, we don't have to. That's fine.

0:17:44 Eli: Okay. No.

0:17:45 Lydia: Yeah.

0:17:45 Thomas: Popcorn. Yeah.

0:17:45 Eli: Okay, you guys remember Popcorn?

0:17:47 Thomas: Yeah. That's Lydia's favorite thing. Well, no, actually, sorry. She planned exactly where she would be. Right.

0:17:51 Lydia: Popcorn. Yeah. Well, yeah, God, that, that's, yeah, that's a whole other thing. Yes.

0:17:56 Eli: Because I loved Popcorn because I could read. Popcorn just seemed like, hey, let's take the thing that some of these children are the worst at, make it the most public possible way, way we could do it without renting an amphitheater and then adding the element of surprise, which fun fact, is not necessary for the ability to read.

0:17:58 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:17:59 Lydia: Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. That's the part I hated. It personally, I was like, if you went in order of the desks, I counted ahead to figure out which paragraph I was reading, you know, and then I'd practice it and in my head so I could be prepared and I could deliver a good performance. But with Popcorn, I was, I have to get briefed on this entire thing real fast because my name could be called at any point in time and I want to make sure that I'm, I'm conveying the intent of this paragraph as the author intended. Like, it was, yeah, it was, is the whole thing acting? Yeah.

0:18:21 Thomas: Uh wow

0:18:34 Eli: At any second Okay.

0:18:46 Eli: So, if I may, side note about Popcorn for a second, I've talked about Ryan, um, P, I don't think I've given out his full name on the show, and I think it's for the best that I don't do that, uh, but Ryan was, uh, me in school until fifth grade when he dropped out. He did not go past fifth grade. He is now a wildly successful plumber in upstate New York in my hometown, who has someone who comes with him to all his plumbing appointments, and I assume reads if that is ever necessary.

0:18:48 Lydia: Oh, Wow. Yeah.

0:19:15 Eli: But he had the worst dyslexia I've ever seen. This is going to be hard for younger listeners to sort of relate to, but, uh, generation was the level of denial of mentally ill that we didn't really believe in dyslexia, right? Like you'd hear about a kid having it and you'd be like, I think that's fucking fake, right? And that Ryan was the first person I met and knew as a young kid where I was like, I guess some people, that's really fucking going on for them for whatever reason. Ryan and I, I don't know what alphabetical system the schools of Binghamton, New York used, but they They were always, Ryan and I were in the same class and we were always next to each other when we sat.

We weren't friends. I mean, we weren't not friends, but we weren't friends. We just were always next to each other. And so Popcorn, I imagine for him was the worst thing that ever happened and was made exponentially worse because they'd be like, "Popcorn, Eli," and I sent and soul of the podcast would be like, "To be or not to be." And then they'd be like, "Popcorn, Ryan," and he'd be like, "Fuck, god damn

0:19:14 Thomas: Yeah

0:19:30 Lydia: Yeah.

0:20:17 Eli: It." Like he always had to follow Jaboy, and that was really tough on him. Let's get back to what a good reader I am. Dear Tom, Thomas, and Eli, parenthesis, and also Lydia, if you're there, because Tom is dead, I am incredibly grateful for your insight and realistic take on a variety of parenting situations. Thank you. I realize for a podcast you must balance a realistic depiction of your experiences with also making the content relevant, which I often imagine leans heavily into example situations of when you've made the right choice for you, but more largely for your audience to appreciate. That doesn't always take the Bluey approach and make your own choices seem ideal, but as a listener, it's often a similar experience. I love Bluey and I love your podcast, and I've learned a lot from both. Thank you. Write because I'm currently sitting completely unengaged while my six-year-old daughter enjoys. She enjoys an indoor playground with a number of kids she doesn't know. I

0:20:17 Thomas: I

0:20:20 Lydia: Man.

0:21:15 Eli: Engaged in her activities. Identities. For example, oh, this person is her mother. I thought this was a dad being like, "And sometimes their fucking mom's gotta be there." Okay, it's all coming together. For example, when her 12-year-old, well, maybe 20-year-old swim teacher told me the other day she wasn't listening in class, my reaction was that sounds like a you problem, not that the teacher caused the behavior but that it was hers, the teacher's, to deal with. My daughter has no No pattern of behavioral issues, and there was little I could do after the fact, except remind my, again, six-year-old daughter to be kind and respectful.

At home, she largely has my full attention. We play, take walks, and generally stay active together. I am a significantly older parent who works full -time, so my energy level is not what it was, but she and her teenage brother are still our focus. As active as my daughter is, we have found it best to keep her in a lot of these type of activities.

My suspicion, or maybe insecurity, is that if Eli were here he would see me as a piece of shit parent on my phone and totally neglectful. An offhand comment made on your podcast about how you can immediately tell how good a parent is by how they play with their kids at the playground often runs through my head. Or maybe I totally made that up and it just sounds right. No, it sounds like the kind of thing I would say. Don't, don't be too hard on

0:22:31 Eli: Yourself. Podcast guys, listen, I would love to hear Yeah, uh, no, that's my job. It's coming. I would love to share your thoughts about whether I should get off my ass right now and pretend to care about the tag game these kids are playing, or if it's okay to continue to sit here on my phone. Thank you again for all you add to the world on account of your respective podcasts. I love and appreciate all of them except DND Minus, which I am sure is great for its audience. Well, it was. I am thinking of tom and hoping for his health to return to him quickly thank thank you for any and thought, all thoughts only on air. I know. All

0:22:30 Thomas: No be harder on yourself yeah yeah yeah

0:23:02 Eli: Right. Well, thank you. Podcast listener. I appreciate that.

0:23:02 Lydia: I think

0:23:05 Thomas: It like you were ready to go

0:23:06 Eli: Oh,

0:23:06 Lydia: You're being called out specifically.

0:23:07 Thomas: Oh yeah.

0:23:07 Eli: I have some, I just

0:23:08 Lydia: Yeah.

0:23:08 Eli: Want, okay. Yeah.

0:23:08 Thomas: Yeah.

0:23:09 Lydia: Eli, why don't you take a moment to address, address where

0:23:09 Eli: Um yeah. So first of all, let me say, I don't think you're a shitty parent, but I do 100% stand by: I can tell when someone's a shitty parrot on a playground 100% of the time. I I, nail you are a shitty parent immediately, and Anna, who is very generous, um, always go like, "No, they're actually, I really," and then always a 10 count later that person will be like, "God damn it, Michael, I'm hitting you with a belt again," and I give her the... I give her the over-the-glasses look, the, like, oh look, the person who's been 100% correct on everything ever, once again keeping the streak, so I do either.

0:23:38 Lydia: My God.

0:23:49 Thomas: It's weird that you bring glasses just for that though. That is a little, yeah.

0:23:52 Eli: It's true. I bring them, I bring them everywhere I go. Shouldn't Yeah, I can always tell when someone's a bad parent, um, that is never your kid is having a fun time and you're not engaged. I actually think it's, can I make a bold tank, if your kid istaving a great time on a playground with other kids, your job is to get the fuck out of the way, right?

0:24:17 Thomas: Yeah. For sure, yeah.

0:24:18 Lydia: I 100 % agree.

0:24:19 Eli: They're, they're engaging in social and emotional learning, and, you know, kids bumping into each other is a great way for them to learn and grow. And parental participation is fucking weird, right?

0:24:32 Lydia: Hinders that, right? Like actively hinders that growth. You're going to be there a whole lot longer for the rest of their lives helping them through those situations because they're not getting the opportunity to practice it as, as a six-year-old. I think that's healthy. Yeah.

0:24:44 Thomas: You know what's wild though, I love it, I remember it as a kid, but it's wild seeing as a parent. Uh, like when we went to, you know, Wisconsin for Lydia's sister's thing, it would just be like they, we were at a of random playground, and the way that kids just are like, well, you're, you're a kid, I'm a kid, I guess we're, we're friends for a minute.

0:24:59 Lydia: Yeah.

0:25:01 Eli: We're playing now.

0:25:01 Thomas: Yeah. In a way. It's like that couldn't be a more strange kid to you, like there's no, and the way they just start playing is so cute, and

0:25:02 Eli: Yep.

0:25:02 Lydia: Oh Remy always refers to them as his best friend. He's like, "I'm gonna go play with my best friend." He doesn't he doesn't know their names. It happens everywhere we go. Like, he's never seen these kids before in his life, and he always says that they're his best friend. It's very sweet. Yeah.

0:25:14 Thomas: Really Oh Wow Oh My God Oh Remy. I love that though. Oh.

0:25:21 Eli: Yeah. He's a charmer. He is ready to be in the tech world. When we were on vacation in Delaware, which I talked a little bit about, one of the kids, uh, made made a friend in the neighborhood of the vacation houses. And then that child was at our house. I was just like that. All right. Okay. I did not meet that child's parents the entire trip.

0:25:37 Lydia: We got a new kid. Wow.

0:25:44 Thomas: Wow.

0:25:44 Eli: Not once. At, and one point that child tried to talk to me and I was like, oh, I'm sorry. You are way too many steps removed. Like I am barely holding it together with my friend's children who I care very much about. And you, no, no, no. You are one step removed. Moved, you're a stranger. You're a stranger. Go away.

0:25:45 Lydia: Yeah.

0:25:59 Lydia: Out of spoons.

0:26:02 Eli: Out of spoons. I'm touched out, uh, Emotionally, I'm emotionally touched out. That's And honestly, if I could get a T-shirt that says that, I'd really appreciate, and I'm emotionally touched-out T -shir

0:26:03 Lydia: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There we go.

0:26:10 Thomas: And That's Why you need Lydia's boob cream. No, I'm just kidding. Okay. I think

0:26:15 Eli: That's Why I need Lydia's boob cream, but I'm gonna put it on my eyelids just to see

0:26:19 Thomas: I tell you what, listener, we will send you, remember the radio shows. Just, well, I'll send you a copy of my book and Lydia is boob creme, listener, for for writing in

0:26:27 Eli: Yep. Yeah, the Michael Savage, like, there you did really good job today. I'm going to send you a copy of the book, and we're gonna, we're going to pay for your boob jab, like Howard Stern used to, um But yeah, I I think letting your kids play and be engaged is is a great activity, and giving yourself rest when your kid has fun is important, right? There's this notion, um, the fucking mommy space especially, and like, keep in mind, I'm a fucking dad, right? Like bar, and I know we've talked about this a lot on the shows, it's so fucking low, right? I am a great dad and I do nothing, right? They're like, you're the fucking best dad that has ever been, second only to Lydia Smith, who I saw the other day

0:26:30 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God.

0:26:32 Lydia: Solo.

0:27:13 Lydia: Honestly,

0:27:13 Eli: On the jumbotron at a hockey game, and I just thought to myself, that's the best dad I've ever seen, but then second place is you. Like, I get told on a regular basis that I'm a great Dad and I don't do a third of what most moms are asked to do, right? And so the fact that you are supposed to just like constantly be eyeballing your kid, right, hovering around and inventing the Bluey games. And one of the things that I've actually liked about recent Bluey is that it reflects that those parents get tired too, right? It reflects that Those parents get touched out and emotionally touched out as well and need their kids to self -entertain. Their know we watch things in cycles here at Bosnick Incorporated. Right now we're watching a lot of the exact same songs from Frozen 2, occasional scene from Frozen 1, but we also occasionally, occasionally when we've been good, and by that I mean me and Hannah, we are treated to the Bluey live show.

0:27:18 Lydia: It's gonna happen Then, uh,

0:27:18 Thomas: Nice.

0:28:12 Lydia: Yeah.

0:28:13 Eli: Have you seen that with the puppets?

0:28:14 Thomas: Yeah, we went. I went. Oh, yeah, we went to that. Yeah.

0:28:14 Lydia: Yeah, we took the kids Yeah. Yeah.

0:28:17 Eli: Yeah. So there's a video of it on Disney Plus, so. And Max enjoys that show. But that show is about the fact that Bandit is having trouble getting off his phone, right? And Bandit is the perfect dad, right? That's the whole thing about Bandit. Bandit's the best dad in the universe. But like even Bandit needs a minute, and all of the moments where he takes is one of the things I love about that show, and that I love about Bluey in general is is like, Bandit never takes his phone out to look at hardcore pornography, right?

0:28:46 Lydia: Yeah.

0:28:46 Eli: He takes his fun out because he's returning a text and then he gets distracted. Something that happens to all of us, right. The show does not take a moment to dance in a circle around Bandit about what a terrible dad he is, right? It acknowledges that it is okay to get distracted, and that sometimes it's time for everyone else to fucking entertain themselves while you have a little, you know, Candy Crush time. And sometimes it's time for you to put your phone down. So the answer to this specific question, especially as a mom to a young kid with a teenager, which you fucking slid in there, right, because the teenagers, not teenagers aren't awesome, right?

They're not self-fucking replicating computer systems. Teenagers also walk in occasionally and are like, I think I might be a white supremacist because a guy I watch play video games said, I am like you, there's a fucking, it's hard to be a teenage parent as well. And you work full time and you're like, that's a fucking lot. And so the fact that your kid is having a perfectly good time while you email me about how great four out of five of my podcasts are, I think you're fine.

0:28:52 Lydia: Yeah. Yeah.

0:29:21 Thomas: Yeah.

0:29:51 Eli: Think your fine. Um, piece of shit parents that I see are the ones who don't deal with their kids, bad behavior. Um And I'm talking non -normative bad behavior, right? Cause obviously, like, kids bump into each other and that's healthy and you should accept that, and that is something that sensitive parents make a mistake about a lot, right? That is, like, you know, kids get in a fight over a toy and they're not sharing and you're like, oh my god, I gotta run in and, like, educate my kid and make my kid be nice to all their kids. It's like, no, no, your kids are allowed to, like, not share and get frustrated. Um, and as someone who has a kid with behavioral issues, that is a line that I have to be mindful of, because sometimes my kid kid is doing normal kid interacting with other kids stuff. And sometimes my kid is the fucking Tasmanian devil just who decides he's going to punch everybody on the playground. And that is my responsibility to handle.

0:30:39 Lydia: No.

0:30:40 Eli: But yeah, the shitty parents are the, my kid's not doing anything. Uh, it's your problem. If my kid has done anything, the like so disconnected and the kid wants them there, there's nothing you want to talk about what fucking pisses me off. There's nothing that fucking boils my blood faster than the like, and I don't give a fuck what your day is. Let me say this. Let me say this right at the fucking outset. When a kid does that, like little moment of vulnerability and the parent does like, I'll give you an example, right? The other day, this kid, um, comes over to his dad. We're sitting on the benches. Cause I am letting Max enjoy himself. He's not punching people, right. Kids comes over and he's like, like, dad, will you watch me on the slide? And he goes, why are you doing something interesting this time?

0:31:25 Thomas: Oh, God.

0:31:26 Eli: And and yet, you know what? Yeah. Slides are fucking boring. You know what else isn't boring? Pulling out and coming on her lower back, man. Like this was a fucking volunteer gig, my man. I don't care if you work in the fucking salt mines nine to you got out of the salt mines 10 minutes ago. If you don't have the fucking spoons to like appreciate your kid when they ask you to watch them come down the slide, then find someone who does. Get a fucking babysitter, right? Do something, right,

0:31:55 Thomas: Yeah. I mean, there is a infinite million ways to handle that better. You know, like that range from like Bluey's dad to probably literally would be better, like not even a joke would be better because you're otherwise emotionally damaging.

0:32:00 Eli: Hit your kid, knock your kid unconscious. Literally better, they

0:32:12 Thomas: And yeah, they won't remember.

0:32:05 Lydia: Oh, My

0:32:12 Eli: Won't know. Remember, they'll be like, what happened? And you'll be, like, well, I was saying something really nice to you about the slide and then you passed out.

0:32:17 Thomas: You went down the slide so coolly and interestingly that it knocked you out.

0:32:20 Eli: So fucking awesome. You went down the side and I don't say this lightly, like Lydia Smith goes down a slide. Do you know Lydia Smith?

0:32:30 Thomas: You're so shiny, too.

0:32:31 Eli: Of course you do. They teach her in school. But that's what I'm saying is you were a close second to a Lydia Smith slide just now. And then you passed out.

0:32:32 Thomas: Yeah. Point to the plaque that's like at the at the playground. Lydia on it.

0:32:40 Eli: Yeah. Lydia Smith slid down this slide. Swung on these swings. It's mostly plaques because she really went to town on that playground.

0:32:52 Lydia: God My God

0:32:43 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have kids who do this, who in their different ways, too. It's interesting because Arlo's got the TISM way where he wants to just, and it's so sweet. It is so sweet, he always wants to tell us about the monsters, about, he's now into Godzilla and he's only in it for the monsters. We try to watch, he wants to watch all the Godzillas, he even got into the old ones now, which is like, okay, cool. Weird.

0:33:16 Eli: Those are great. Yeah, those are tons of fun.

0:33:18 Lydia: It's Crazy. Too.

0:33:17 Thomas: Yeah. The first one's cool, but like, they really, really dorky looking, but that's okay. Um, within, we're watched, I was like, all right, let's watch Godzilla Minus One, because that movie fucking rules. Oh, what was wrong with that? We, we watched, so we watched Godzilla Minus One.

0:33:27 Eli: Uh -uh. Not super kid -friendly.

0:33:33 Thomas: Yeah. I mean, it's, I mean. I don't know. Relative to Arlo is fine, but here's the problem. Any movie that's actually good. He hates. Cause he's like, where's the monster. I just care about the monsters. Too much talking. It's just like, cool, man.

0:33:44 Lydia: Much talking.

0:33:44 Eli: Right. Yeah. Yeah, to be fair, if in the last movie, Kong crawled out of the Hollow Earth to fight Mothra, and now it's like, no, you see, it's a metaphor for how Japan sort of grapples with internationalism after Hiroshima. Oh, you're gone.

0:33:54 Thomas: Yeah. That's fair. Yeah.

0:33:59 Eli: You're playing Nintendo Switch while I'm talking.

0:34:00 Thomas: Yeah. God, that movie is good though. I watched that. We watched that movie. I'd already seen it. I watched it the second time. It was like, this is even better than I thought. I love that movie because it's so good. Got Godzilla.

0:34:09 Eli: Yeah, it was.

0:34:09 Thomas: Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. So, but he always wants to just, and the fun thing, I'm sure you have this with Max. In fact, I can positive of it. The fun thing about it is how out of context it is, where you'll be like, you just, like, left for, you know, a month-long vacation and you come back in the home. And the first thing I was says is like, "So, Rodan is the the one it's so good you've

0:34:09 Eli: It's a great movie.

0:34:31 Eli: Oh, 100%. Yeah. Mid - So the catchphrase in our house is, you are Dogman? Did I? I, Oh God, I think I told, yeah, the story on air where we said something. I was in the middle of one of my fucking stupid monologues where I desperately try to attribute anything with meaning or not suffering to my life. And I was telling him how proud I was of him. And he goes, "God, ah, I put it." Give me one second. I'm so sorry. Give him one second because I think think I know exactly what it was, but I might've deleted.

0:34:39 Thomas: I think you've mentioned it, yeah, but sure

0:35:05 Eli: Okay. Yes. So it's, It's the day before school and I'm, and we had some behavioral issues last year, but I don't, I don't want Max to identify as that, right? I want Max to know that he is so much more than his struggles to not punch people in the face. And so I'm I'm doing my, I'm doing one of my epic speeches, which I'm fucking good at, right? Like, that's the other thing too, is it's like, yeah, man, I am the heart and soul of the podcast.

Listen up. I'm going to give you the good. I'm giving you the Good Good. A... There's I'm looking at the iTunes numbers. People are interested. Give me a second. So, I fucking, I mean, the middle of my spiel, and I'm like, hey, buddy, I just want you to know like, we are so proud of you, and you will be great. Like, this, this is, you know, this first day of first grade, this is a new start, and you can be anything you want to be.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, yeah, you know, rah rah speech, I love you so much, I'm so proud of you, he pauses, this thoughtful look on his face, he goes, "I don't know what Bowser Jr. looks like," which

0:35:05 Thomas: Take it it's that's right

0:36:01 Lydia: Yeah

0:36:01 Eli: Means he wanted me to bring picture up on my phone so he could look at it. And yeah, but that that was it. Yeah, but yeah, it's got nothing to do with what I say, and what I say is entirely, and very funnily, because it's Max and Anna, nothing I say ever fucking matters. I should say, honestly, I should say whatever I want, because I choose my words pretty carefully, and I should just walk around the house being like, what's up, fuck drizzles? Going upstairs to jerk off to porn, I made a eye right. It's about a centaur today, everybody. All right, I'll see you later. You are dog, man. Okay, cool.

0:36:03 Lydia: Yep yep

0:36:13 Thomas: Oh man oh boy incredible

0:36:41 Eli: Whatever. So yeah, don't be so hard on yourself, podcast listener. That's, uh, it sounds like you're doing everything right. And, um, can, can I give your husband or partner a little shit, assuming they're alive, unlike Tom, um, because you haven't mentioned them, so they might have died in a motorcycle accident or something, in which case that's on them, because, don't write, those, those are scary, um, assuming your partner's alive, hey, it's part of their job if they're listening to this with you, and they're not, because there's only one person in a couple that's allowed to like her podcasts at a time. Any podcast with me on it, it has to be like blue cheese and strong coffee. Only one part...

0:37:20 Eli: Pickle. Do you want your pickle or your Eli Bosnick podcast? Because if you don't want it, I'll eat it. No, there's... Do you not know that?

0:37:15 Lydia: Wow

0:37:20 Thomas: Wow yeah

0:37:25 Lydia: I want to put that on a shirt. No, I just really like that phrase, I don't know. It's good it's good

0:37:30 Eli: Guys gotta come to more live shows, because it is truly just a series of... The best part, you guys have come to like Platinum Nights and stuff and it's always just a partner dragged along with a smile absolutely frozen on their face while they're like, Oh yeah, no, sometimes they just don't come and good for them. Can I say, hold?

0:37:38 Thomas: Yeah or they don't even bother yeah, no I mean they don't bother smiling, they're there

0:37:49 Eli: Yeah, no. Sometimes. Yeah. Um, yeah, I I'd say it's your partner's obligation. And let me bring this back to dads. If you are a dad and you have a mom in your life, make sure that you are letting them know that they are deserving of that rest and that they They are an incredible parent anyways.

0:37:49 Thomas: Yeah yeah resonate with the thing I remember I talked about a long time ago, when, back when it was just Phoebe and maybe Arlo, where they tell you at the school, yeah, I know, Eli, you have this too, where, you know, they're like, "Well, Phoebe bit a kid again," and I'm always like, "Yeah, I mean, don't you know, like, you don't, there's not, I'm not saying it's not their fault, I'm not saying it's it's, but it's like, I know what to say." Like, I always felt like, "Do you want me, like, hit her or something? Like, what is the what is that thing you think I'm gonna do that's gonna... She doesn't do this at home, I've never seen it."

0:38:30 Eli: Yeah.

0:38:44 Eli: Did, oh, you know what? We did biting practice last night. That's what it was, is we did our lullaby, and now that I'm thinking about it, it's lullabye and goodnight. Make sure you bite someone tomorrow as hard as you can, so we'll swap those lyrics out for something else.

0:38:57 Thomas: Yeah yeah, yeah

0:38:59 Lydia: Happened on Saturday though with Arlo, um, he finished his ninja class because the other kids do gymnastics but Arlo's really interested in ninja Ninja.

0:39:05 Eli: Hey, what? Hey, okay.

0:39:08 Lydia: Ninja. Yeah. It's like American Ninja Warrior. Yeah, yeah.

0:39:07 Thomas: Ninja, yeah it's like American Ninja Warrior, the kids have the little, like, they have the

0:39:14 Eli: I need you to understand that I was picturing Arlo clinging to the shadows with a shuriken between his teeth and you guys were just fucking just chill as hell about how his nunchaku skills were really coming along

0:39:16 Thomas: Yeah. Oh, I wish that's what he's picturing too. Yeah. He's a ninja.

0:39:16 Lydia: He would love that. Oh my God. He wouldn't love that on my phone. Yeah yeah but his class finished his

0:39:30 Thomas: He's got the blood of a Lydia Smith in him. So it's in his genes.

0:39:37 Lydia: Class had finished and he came over to sit with me, and a little bit later his teacher comes over and she's like, hey, I just wanted to let you know that we had, um, a little bit of trouble with Arlo listening today, uh, and I had to remind him a few times, and it still kind of wasn't getting better, and so after the third time we sat down and we talked, um, and it was good after that with class, and I just said, oh, that's interesting, because he's had that struggle before, specifically with this teacher, with this class, but it's been probably like a year and a half since she's had to talk to me about it, and I was like, oh, that's interesting, he's been doing so well, I wonder what's going on today, and she's like, yeah, you know, it's been happening with a lot of the kids, and we talked about back to school and sort of the pressure there, so, she was like, you know, not a big deal, just wanted to keep you in the loop, and I don't know, I think that's okay because, like, if you have a teacher at school that's talking to you about your kid's behavior, it's because they want to make sure, like, hey, we're a team, you know, for this tiny human, and I want you to be aware about what's going on in my space, in the same way that, like, they want to know what's going on in our space, if the kids, you know, had a terrible night of sleep, the teachers are always like, let us know ahead of time, because they're going to carry that with them into class, and so I don't think it's bad to have that communication, I don't even think that the swim teacher in this email specifically is expecting you to actually do anything about it, I think it's just keeping those lines of communication open, so then, you know, oh, they had a really hard time in that swim class, so if I see their behavior later, it kind of helps me see their entire day, you know, over the course of time, but anyway, that's my position on it, I don't think it's coming from anything bad personally

0:41:10 Lydia: Yeah

0:41:09 Thomas: No, it's not coming from anything bad. And I get them saying that, but it's just funny. Cause you're like, I don't know what to do about that. Like, I don't. OK.

0:41:10 Eli: No. And Yeah. Oh, okay, you know what, I'll spend every waking moment thinking about this. How about that? Would you, oh, you know what? I'll do is I'll never sleep for the last six years. How's that? How about I lie in bed every time I lie down to go to sleep and I worry and just feel more fear than I've ever felt in my life, including the time I was robbed at gunpoint, uh, then about my son's future. Would that help? Would you like me to do that? How about I read every fucking book ever written about autism? Would you like me to do that? Because I'll just read every book and they're all horrible and they are written by fucking liars or doctors who want me to put my kid in a hole in the ground. Do you want me read all of those? How about that? How about if I fucking put the work in? Because this is the first time I'm hearing that this might be tough.

0:41:22 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, don't do that. Oh, boy. Oh man.

0:42:05 Eli: But yeah, we got a great teacher this year for Max. She's fucking great. I wrote her the first, um, hey, how's it going? Email because I was so fucking, I'm so exhausted. I'm so fucking tired of just, hey, how's it going? Oh, you're a failure again. Don't worry. Every way in which you measure yourself, it's, it's a failure. And so I do it right. Because I'm not going to quit, but I am just, I'm like, hey, what's up here? Good. Your turn. Uh, tell me now, tell me about the bad and how bad I am. And she wrote this fucking incredible email about how much she gets max and how smart he is. And it was just like, it was such a wonderful relief. I was just, it was so hard for me not to write back. Like, I love you. I love you. It's not clear. I love you as much as the world loves Lydia Smith. You're the Lydia Smith of this of teachers. And I

0:42:59 Thomas: He

0:42:15 Lydia: In

0:42:59 Eli: Hope you know that. Right. Smiths before we go. Couldn't the Mexican archer go hunting? He didn't. He banero.

0:43:20 Thomas: Didn't.

0:43:20 Eli: Habanero. Habanera. Banero.

0:43:25 Thomas: This this is.

0:43:27 Eli: Banero!

0:43:27 Thomas: Yeah Yeah. Got that.

0:43:28 Eli: Arrows, not allowed. Habanеро is the pepper.

0:43:29 Thomas: Uh -huh. Got those two things.

0:43:32 Lydia: He didn't have an arrow yeah

0:43:35 Eli: Didn't habanero! That's what it is.

0:43:36 Lydia: Yeah yeah Yeah.

0:43:36 Thomas: That's it. Okay.

0:43:38 Eli: Habaniero!

0:43:38 Lydia: I

0:43:39 Thomas: You said he didn't. He have an arrow. I was like, what?

0:43:40 Eli: He, he ban... I thought it was, he bans arrows. And I was like, oh no. No, he didn't habanero. Okay, there it is. Habanero, I hate it.

0:43:45 Thomas: That was the worst butchering of a joke. You're

0:43:53 Eli: I hate It.

0:43:54 Thomas: Reading this, right?

0:43:55 Eli: Yeah, well, I'm reading a fucking pun.

0:43:58 Thomas: What we need to get, call your plumber friend. We need him to laugh at how bad of a a reader you are now oh

0:44:01 Eli: Yeah, Ryan, Ryan get in here and read this dad joke for me.

0:44:06 Lydia: Loved

0:44:11 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email thedads at dearolddads .com or better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle and the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILf, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues, LLC, copyright 2022, all rights reserved.

0:44:52 Eli: You went down the side and I don't say this lightly, like Lydia Smith goes down a slide.

0:44:59 Eli: I do have a butt vibrating plug plug in, and I am I'm doing a sort of Jim Carrey talk with my cheeks situation, so, but that's how I always do the podcast. Oh, what's up, fuck drizzles?

0:45:01 Thomas: Oh, okay. That's fine.