DOD287: Til Too Many Memes Do Us Part

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's just fucking winging it. I'm Tom Curry. I am joined, as always, by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:37 Eli: Oh,

0:00:39 Thomas: Podcasts whose cars are just sitting there pristine and how are you doing now? We record these at once, so there's no Eli news, everybody.

0:00:41 Eli: Pristine cars. Yeah, I wish I had nice news. I often feel bad about that when I have like a bummer episode in the first one, because I don't mind a bitch fest in the first one. People like that. I try to keep it funny, but I know that when someone's having a sad week that I listen to, I really want to hear the next week where they're like, doing a little better.

0:01:03 Tom: Right.

0:01:03 Eli: Unfortunately, this is zero seconds after the last episode, so my cars are still in shambles and my son is still hitting at camp, but we'll let you know on a future episode if that ever ends, or you'll read it in a chyron that it

0:01:18 Thomas: Yeah, I think if Eli is on future episodes, I think, you know, it went, yeah,

0:01:19 Tom: Oh, no.

0:01:19 Eli: Didn't. Yes. That everything's okay, or that I applied my acceptance cognitive techniques. Dropped

0:01:21 Tom: Then everything's okay,

0:01:29 Thomas: Hmm,

0:01:30 Tom: You're ACT. I have a real quick Haley update and kind of

0:01:30 Eli: Anchor. That's what I did.

0:01:33 Thomas: Hmm.

0:01:33 Tom: A car-related item I just wanted to share with people.

0:01:34 Eli: Oh, we're going from real problems to fake ones. All, all right, here we go.

0:01:39 Tom: No, I think this is...

0:01:39 Eli: What she got this week, Tom? The mumps.

0:01:39 Thomas: Yeah, those are back because of RFK.

0:01:42 Tom: So, yeah, mumps are very real.

0:01:44 Thomas: So yeah, that's that's bad. That's bad joke. Yeah.

0:01:46 Eli: Oh, did she get real mumps? Fuck. I shouldn't have guessed. I shoulda, because that's the only thing she hadn't had, and I shouldn't.

0:01:48 Tom: No, no, no no. Fuck, that would be fucking horrible. Yeah. So we're a little over three months post -surgery, and I haven't really wanted to say much, and she'll kill me if I don't knock on wood when I say this, but broadly speaking, for those who've been asking, Haley's on an upward trajectory, which has been great. So much so that the other day I had a guy come over and I had her car cleaned and detailed. To give you some idea, I bought her a car in September of 2024. Her old car we'd given to Donovan as a graduation present in 2024. And so I need to replace it with another car. I bought our car and she's never really driven it because she's not been well enough to drive for the last, I don't know, four, almost five years. I think since she's driven regularly. So I bought this car. I don't think she's ever driven it maybe once for a handful of miles, but not not at all, really. Just sat in the garage. I take it out.

I drive it around to keep it working, and then I park it back in the garage. But I took the car out the other day and I had a guy come over and I had it detailed inside and out because I think relatively soon-ish, maybe, and I don't want to speak more specifically than that, but she may be able to start taking drives,

0:01:54 Thomas: Hmm.

0:01:58 Eli: Mm -hmm.

0:02:31 Thomas: All

0:03:02 Tom: Which would be just a tremendous step. We've gone out and we're We're taking regular walks now outside.

0:03:03 Thomas: Right, man. Nice.

0:03:09 Tom: Massive improvement.

0:03:10 Thomas: Nice okay so she's doing way better than me

0:03:13 Tom: Yeah, yeah, right. So I know, you know, some people have asked and have reached out and I just wanted to give a quick update. So very optimistic is what I will say. I'm hopeful and I'm optimistic. And it was a real joy to have somebody come out and just get that car all spruced up. And I can't wait for her to pull it out of the garage and, you know, have that level of her of her independence back.

0:03:13 Thomas: Okay nice okay

0:03:13 Eli: Yeah.

0:03:34 Eli: Yeah, and then a drunk driver comes by. Blah! Damn it!

0:03:36 Thomas: Yeah

0:03:36 Tom: Then I jump, boom, right into the garage. Garage. Well, God damn it. We need a new car and house. They're both fucked up.

0:03:41 Eli: It's the same old lady as Thomas!

0:03:41 Thomas: Oh is it gonna be complicated that Eli's gonna be rooting for that because that's how he'll know yeah yeah

0:03:48 Eli: Because that's how I reclaim my luck again. Yeah.

0:03:51 Tom: Yeah.

0:03:51 Thomas: It'll be like wait that's gonna Be Complicated it'll Be Like and Then Someone Hit The Car and Then Someone Hit the

0:03:55 Tom: And can I real quick, this is a fucking first world problems. You can just turn this off or cancel me or whatever. But like, can I ask you guys this question? Like I have a house with a two car garage, well, the three car garage actually, but like one side is clearly just full of kids shit, right? Bicycles and garbage cans and all that kind of detritus that you collect. But the other day I tried to park both of our cars and I don't have giant SUVs. These These are regular size people cars right into this garage.

0:04:20 Tom: And I feel like two car garages used to actually hold two cars. And now they are just like these cars fucking snuggle and spoon into one another to the point where you literally can't open the doors if you put two cars in the fucking garage. Right.

0:04:20 Thomas: Car

0:04:32 Eli: Mm -hm. No, no, no.

0:04:30 Thomas: Oh but some of my best dad work though hey I can't answer your question Cause I have no experience with that other than this house, which has a, I think again, technically three car, but not, you know, like I actually don't, I don't even know if it is, it has a little bit extra, but yeah, it was designed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

0:04:51 Eli: Must be nice, having a garage. Drunk guys never fucking plow into your garage. It's a whole building.

0:04:58 Thomas: Now look, I didn't, I didn'T even bring it up last episode. Didn'T even BRING it up.

0:04:58 Tom: There's no way if you had a garage that it would be useful for your cars anyway. Anyway, like there's a 100 percent chance.

0:05:06 Thomas: It'd be covered in trash and you'd be parking outside. Yeah.

0:05:06 Eli: That's Trigana. It's full of shit. I know. I just wanted to live in a fantasy.

0:05:10 Tom: Right. Be full of active beehives or some crazy shit. Yeah. Bam.

0:05:12 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but, um, what I was gonna say is, uh, I think our house might have been designed with one thing in mind, but our driveway is idiotic. Our driveway is a weird curve into it, so it's actually not possible, just based on the angles. It's kind of explained, but like, it's not even possible to drive into the part where allegedly a third car could go, and it's barely possible to drive into where a second car could be, and it, because it's this huge curve, so like, you can't get the angles right anyway. It's hard to explain, but some of my best dadding, some of his best dad work is like, especially once the kids started being big enough to open the car doors as hard as they possibly could with no thought, yeah, of what's around them.

Yeah, just a fucking, an Olympic event. Yeah, the, the hammer throw of the whatever. And, uh, yeah, they, they, yeah, they drilled full-on on fucking holes in each car, like, because they're parked next to each other. So I went about being like, "Alright, is it possible to get these cars far enough away from each other that the doors don't hit, you know?" And so I've got it now, a perfect dad system where you've got to drive in, but again, keep in mind, this isn't a straight drive. Imagine driving into the far right, like, wall, but you're having to turn, like, 45 degrees, you know.

0:05:14 Eli: Just wanted my car to have a house to be safe in.

0:05:57 Eli: Oh yeah, they throw them open. Yeah, they're like a SWAT team. Mhm. Yes. Internal Street Fighter 2 interstitial level.

0:05:58 Tom: Yeah. Yeah, fuck it. Double leg. Kick it out the door. Yeah right.

0:06:35 Thomas: To get in the garage, so like, you have to drive in and then back and reverse and do like a four point thing to get it snuggled in, you know? And then if you take the other car and go all the way to the other side, as far as possible, it's just enough clearance. It's just not clear, which means when Lydia doesn't do it, when there's any error on it, it'S like, oh, that could happen. Yeah.

0:06:35 Eli: Yeah. Mhm.

0:06:55 Eli: 100%. I'm so glad you said it first because my thoughts were screaming, "There's no fucking way Lydia does this."

0:07:02 Thomas: Well, here's what I did. I, well, of course I thought of this, of cause, cause a good dad, you got to think of all these things. So obviously, yeah, obviously I take the

0:07:06 Eli: She would sooner drive through the side wall of the garage.

0:07:12 Tom: No,

0:07:12 Thomas: Car that's not the driving the kids around car, and I drive it a 19 point turn into the corner, you know, and then she gets to take the kid one, you know, that has like all the kids' seats and stuff, and that's the more straight that one, just gets to go in the middle to where there's the most clearance on either side. So then it makes it even worse. It's like she didn't take all the clearance, and I gotta be like, "Okay, come on." So there's several still several full -on chunks out of each car, and then I realized, like, oh, I've, I've got a point in my life where with my kids and how they are in life and where I'm, I just can't care about that anymore. Like, I just can't. Is it possible? Yep.

0:07:46 Tom: You can't. No. Like a car when you have kids becomes once when they're little, it's a disposable item. It's, yeah. Right, it's disposable. I am curious. Are you guys, guys, back the car into the parking spot dads, you

0:07:49 Thomas: Oh, everything. A house. Everything we own is disposable now. No, I'm not. I do.

0:08:01 Tom: Know the dads I'm talking about? Like every, like, they show up, every fucking parking spot, and they whip that thing and, and they back it in every time.

0:08:08 Thomas: I think it's unnecessary. I think I think you're just doing dad formants. You're just doing performative. Oh, Tom, we agree on this because you're just going to have to do the other thing the other way. Whatever it is, you do it once. You either back in and go straight out or you go straight in and back out. It's the same fucking thing.

0:08:12 Tom: I, that's exactly what it is. Thank you. It's performative dadding. What is that about?

0:08:26 Tom: I have seen the arguments online where, you know, people will vehemently defend their need to back into the parking spot, and I'm like, no, they just, you can back out of the parking spot. It's, it's all the same thing.

0:08:36 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Either way, you're backing in once.

0:08:39 Tom: It's just, it's 100% the same thing. You're not doing anything that's like more difficult. Either you're just like, you're back out, back in, it's the same. I don't know what that's about. I don' know what flex they think that is or what the point of it is. Like, everybody can back up the car.

0:08:48 Thomas: Yeah. No, it's performative dadding. And I'll tell you this. It's even more awkward when you're pulling out and you're like waiting on someone, you know, because when some we're waiting, you know, shopping center, whatever the fuck it is, when there's people crossing back, they can see your brake lights, but everybody has plausible deniability where it's like, oh, I didn't see, or you didn't see. And so you just wait forever. It's fine. Whatever, it's not a big deal. Imagine you're facing straight forward and you're right there and then it's like everybody's looking and making eye contact and crossing or not. I hate that. That's way too intense. Yeah.

0:08:54 Tom: Yeah. Yeah. I hate it too, and you've got the people who overshoot, because in order to back in you have to overshoot the spot, so I think, oh, they're not going to take that spot, and then I start positioning because I'm going to take that spot. I don't know why they drove past.

0:09:28 Thomas: No.

0:09:33 Eli: Beep. Beep beep. Yeah.

0:09:34 Thomas: Way, fuck you, fuck you.

0:09:34 Tom: It. And then they start backing into it and they look at you like you're an asshole, because like, you didn't know. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you were a backer inner, you know? I thought you were a fronter goer, you know?

0:09:39 Thomas: Yeah. Except for a parallel spot, except for parallel parking, that's the only situation where it's reversed and you have to let the person back in because, yeah, that's only time, but fully agree. Me too, dude. Here's another dad thing, Tom. Do you ever parallel park? You're like, "This is such a good job," and then you realize, wait, they have those cars now where you just push a button and it does it, and now that

0:09:49 Tom: Okay. I straight up love parallel parking. I just want to say it out loud, I fucking love parallel parking. Hayley only keeps me around for two reasons. Two reasons only. One, I can parallel park the car. Three reasons.

0:10:02 Thomas: Has reduced my value to society. I'm worth a hundred times less to society now because I could parallel

0:10:02 Eli: Yeah.

0:10:16 Eli: Dick. Two and a half.

0:10:16 Tom: Three reasons only. I keep the house at a temperature that that means that she is cold all the time and requires my body heat, like a lizard on a stone rock in order to survive. That's that's that's it. And I parallel park, that's it. And I parallel park, if a fucking button replaces that, she can buy a sweater and I'm out the door.

0:10:29 Eli: Smart. Get them hooked. Get them.

0:10:33 Thomas: Park nice. Yeah. Yep.

0:10:40 Tom: Just, I, no, no. Don't build that.

0:10:42 Thomas: Yeah, I'm surprised there isn't like the MRA people, the incels, I'm I'm surprised there or whatever, you know, those shitty, the dudes, I'm surprised there isn't a movement of like, you can't take this away from us. You know what I mean?

0:10:52 Tom: Yes.

0:10:52 Eli: Early, don't let women park.

0:10:54 Thomas: Like, yeah, dude,

0:10:56 Tom: I'll tell you a funny story about parallel parking. I used to not know how to parallel park at all because I lived in the suburbs and you just don't ever have to do it. Like, you just never have to parallel park out in the suburbs. Yeah.

0:11:04 Thomas: I grew up where there aren't cars. You just, you don't even park. You just stop.

0:11:07 Eli: You just stop. Car time over. Now, snakes, this one's yours for

0:11:14 Tom: And it was actually visiting Cecil. So Cecil was living in Chicago. And so, you know, to go visit Cecil and hang out, you had to parallel park. And I would oftentimes go visit Cecil with other friends that knew how to parallel Park and I would drive and then get out of the car and swap and they would get in the parallel Park. And at one point, my buddy's like, I could just teach you to do this. And I was like, I don't know.

I don't Know how to do it. Well, I'm a young guy. I'm like 19 years old or so and like I was Like, yeah, I Don't know how to Parallel Park and you do. It's fine. So my buddy, Doug, we're driving up there. He's like nobody taught you to do this? I was like, no, we just, we didn't have to do it. You have to do it for driver's ed. It's not something I ever practiced. So no, he's like, I just teach you to do that.

And so he's like, all right, stay here. And then he taught me how to parallel park in Chicago. And I was, like, this is so easy and it's such a great skill to have once you have it.

0:11:33 Thomas: Oh no. I'm impressed. I'm so surprised you went for that.

0:11:40 Thomas: Oh, okay. It's a much different Tom. Yeah.

0:12:05 Thomas: Yep.

0:12:05 Tom: And I was just ever since then, I'm like, oh, I can go ahead and park that car for you. No problem.

0:12:09 Thomas: Okay. Okay. Now here's the thing. Now, this might be a Thomas thing, but I have two competing impulses, which is one, love a good parallel park. Two, I hate fucking being in the way. I can't stand being in The Way of anybody. So I often do the thing where I'm like, gonna pull off the parallel park, ooh, someone wants to get by, oh, and then I rush it, and then I've done slightly the wrong angle, I'm like, fuck, I'M BETTER THAN THIS! I open the window, I'RE BETTER THAT THIS, I SWEAR!

0:12:33 Thomas: I JUST, I RUSHED YOU, I WANTED YOU TO GET BY!

0:12:27 Tom: Oh, I will tell you, secretly, secretly, every time I parallel park, I kind of hope that Hayley says something about how great a job I did, but she just gets out of the car because all I did was park it, and, like, why would anybody notice that? But I'm like, but I fucking crushed it. Like, did you not notice that I fucking crushed

0:12:43 Thomas: Ah, dang.

0:12:46 Eli: Now Oh yeah, those are the little things, man. She's at the beginning of a Lifetime movie where you go back and your boyfriend runs a hot chocolate factory in your small hometown, and she's gonna, and you're gonna fuck him, and we're not gonna feel bad for her because of it.

0:12:52 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

0:12:52 Tom: It. Man, I nailed it. I can't

0:13:00 Thomas: Maybe it's on us, dads. Have we lost the art of the whistle? Like the walking outside, you know, like doing, I can't do it. Have We Lost the Art of the Walkout?

0:13:10 Eli: Is it that you can't whistle?

0:13:12 Thomas: I can whistle, but not that kind of, yeah, I cant do the kind of like louder chirpy one that it would be. No.

0:13:12 Tom: Whistle either Nope, can't do

0:13:14 Eli: That? Cat call your own car? You fucking pervert. I'd

0:13:19 Tom: It. I mean

0:13:19 Thomas: Yeah. You get out and you're like, wow. You know, that was a dad thing you used to do. Like, yeah, exactly, cat call your own, exactly, yeah. Is it on us? Do we need to be drawing more attention to our

0:13:23 Eli: Fuck the shit out of that parking spot

0:13:26 Tom: Why even have hands to put, put on hips if it's not to admire my own handiwork? Oh

0:13:34 Thomas: Work with a good dad whistle.

0:13:34 Eli: So, gentlemen, Patreon goal has just occurred to me, which I think is great, which is I am going to collect, it's a punishment for you guys, so I'm sorry, I'm going to connect video footage of me parallel parking, and you have to watch it. You haveと watch it with a single gun between you with a bullet in the chamber. Yes,

0:13:38 Thomas: Oh.

0:13:39 Tom: Oh.

0:13:48 Thomas: No, we analyze it like the sports game film, draw X's and O's and only one of us is allowed to kill ourselves. Damn

0:14:02 Eli: Exactly. And the other has to watch it again. Oh, I know how to parallel park.

0:14:04 Thomas: Damn. Well

0:14:05 Tom: Oh, we should do a thing for patrons where we fly you out and teach you to parallel park. No, teach you how to do it

0:14:12 Eli: Nope. Can't do it. Can't teach someone to care about a thing they don't care about.

0:14:18 Tom: Well, well, for money we

0:14:20 Eli: You could torture it into me, maybe. I don't know. I hear that might work. Maybe some kind of positive reward system. A single stroke at a time. I'm open to it.

0:14:31 Thomas: The only thing worse than Eli's parking

0:14:32 Eli: You know the only thing worse than the image of having to jerk me off to get me to parallel park? Why? It's the auto ads. The podcast. That's what I was implying. Podcast.

0:14:37 Thomas: What was that part of it? Oh

0:14:41 Tom: Can, it's torture for us

0:14:41 Eli: Podcast experience ruiner. Exactly. patreon.com/Dear Old Dads commercial reversion of every single show, a little parenting story at the end. Where do the curries go for their cash? There's only one way to find out, and that's to subscribe over at patreon.com/dearolddads. Rip into it

0:15:05 Ad: [Ad break 1 — ad music]

0:15:07 Tom: All right, so we're gonna cover a couple of emails from listeners. This one comes from Listener, which I love. I think that's great.

0:15:14 Eli: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Tom, are you saying that if I want the dadly wisdom of our cohort, I can sup from the cup of our wisdom? How for we're fifth and two hoops

0:15:28 Thomas: Oh

0:15:28 Tom: One needs only email the dads at dear old dads dot com. And remember, if you email it, we own it. That's right. It's ours. Your name, your likeness, your social security number, your firstborn child, everything you email to us. We own it's ours will use it and sell it right back to you. So don't email us shit if you don't want us to use it. The dads at Dear Old Dads dot com, all right. So this question comes from listener Tom has mentioned that Hayley sends him short videos and memes and likes him to watch them in front of her.

I forget Thomas's approach because I have a similar squirrely brain, and Eli seems to use his memes to seduce others. My husband sends me a steady cascade of memes. He's pretty good about watching mine mostly, but his are so constant that I usually save them up. I might save a longer span of memes and use them, e.g., to pep me up on a Monday morning. They're mostly cute dog and animal videos. I carefully react to each one, but am I on the verge of a divorce since I ignore them for probably a week at a time? Am I ignoring my wifely duties? We are monogamish if

0:15:53 Thomas: Boy Yeah.

0:16:03 Eli: You're damn right I do, listener.

0:16:32 Tom: It helps. Doesn't matter at all.

0:16:33 Eli: It does not help. This is far more important than monogamy. This is so much more important. If Anna didn't look at my memes for a week, I'd be dead. First of all, she would open up her Instagram or whatever it is, whatever social media I sent them on to, eight billion notifications, communications, right?

0:16:37 Thomas: I agree with-

0:16:52 Eli: Back when I was on social media. So she, her phone would shut down. I would brick her phone. So you're risking the brickness of your phone. But also if I text you the words, I love you 150 times a day, you have to get me medical care. But if I send you a copy bearer 150 times A day, which you and I both know is just me saying, I love You in copy bear form. You better fucking check it out fucking check it out I

0:17:08 Tom: Oh

0:17:20 Thomas: That- My- Question for this is, like, do you have a memes-only messaging system that, because, like, are you not messaging each other? How do you save them? You know what I mean? Like, Lydia and

0:17:29 Eli: Assume it's an insta thing

0:17:29 Thomas: I are just messaging all the time. Okay, so you have, like, your designated, designated meme app, and then you just talk on text or something?

0:17:34 Eli: Yeah yeah we

0:17:36 Tom: Yeah, I was gonna say, because like Haley and I, we text message all day. She doesn't send me memes via text. She sends me memes.

0:17:39 Thomas: Yeah.

0:17:42 Eli: Very rarely meme via text actually me and Anna have a system which is hey I know we usually keep this to social media but this one's an emergency is the term we use and I

0:17:44 Tom: Yeah, yeah.

0:17:44 Thomas: Oh, you have a, you can escalate, you can excavate the meme.

0:17:54 Tom: Right

0:17:54 Eli: Will occasionally escalate a copy bearer to emergency status yeah except

0:17:57 Thomas: That's good. I like that. That is a good system.

0:17:59 Tom: That's a cry for help. I mean, a great system, that's good, system, it's a good system.

0:18:02 Thomas: Now, you got to be able to elevate, elevate the, oh, no,

0:18:04 Eli: Sometimes times it actually is an emergency and I think I'm gonna get a copy bearer and instead it's just like a note from my son's school And that again, it's so, it's, I just, my life is pretty easy most of the time, so IT'S HARD WHEN ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS NOT TO JUST INSTANTLY AND I'LL BE LIKE OOH WHAT KIND OF PUG IS THIS GONNA BE AND IT'S LIKE MR. BOSNICK WE'RE CONCERNED OH NO IT'S ONE OF THE REAL real emergencies from reality, it's bad, there can

0:18:11 Tom: Yeah, oh.

0:18:11 Thomas: Oh no.

0:18:31 Tom: No, I feel like you can save him up. This is like any other agreement. You can save him if everybody agrees that saving him up is the right thing, but, but if the other person is getting annoyed that you didn't reach out and react to their capybara, mean, like, if that is a, if that is a genuine, like, I am texting you, I love you in capybara's format, then, like, waiting a week to be like, "I love you too" is kind of a weird, that's kind of a weird message back.

0:18:43 Thomas: Jeez.

0:19:05 Thomas: Yeah, I, yeah,

0:19:04 Eli: I Say this, you let your husband look inward, because let's be real, does his meme game suck? Because I know there's a lot of men out there who are like, "How come you never squirt?" Because you fucking suck at sex. Man.

0:19:10 Thomas: It might,

0:19:10 Tom: Oh, that's true, right, that's

0:19:18 Thomas: It might suck, jeez.

0:19:18 Eli: That's why you never make me come so hard I piss myself, because that's what squirting is, you fucking bitch. All right, I enjoy that because so I don't know if I've told you guys this story, but I remember my buddy B-man, who I've talked about on this show before, he actually, before we met, found Dear Old Dads and listened to a couple minutes of it and then heard me and was like, "Ah, not for me."

0:19:47 Eli: Now he listens to the show now because he knows me, he likes me and he's, he's come to appreciate me, but whenever Whenever I say something like that, I know there's a B -man out there in the world who just turned off our podcast. Keep in mind, again, because think of the beauty of this. The first half of this show was about the glory of parallel parking. There's a dad at a barbecue grill right in a scrambling to get his iPhone out of his apron. Holy shit.

0:19:37 Thomas: Oh. Really? That's so funny.

0:20:14 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, uh.

0:20:14 Eli: What did the little one say? God damn. I was just trying to fuck. God, that was awful. But this is my point. My point is, a lot of men, they're like, how come you never cum so hard, you pee yourself? And that's because you're not working hard. And similarly, maybe I'm saving up your memes because your memes aren't doing it for me.

0:20:31 Tom: True, oh, look, here's the thing though, you can't ever say that, you can never say that, right? Like, can you really, can you slander somebody's meme game? I mean, you can do it in a court of law, I'm I'm assuming, but.

0:20:36 Thomas: Okay. Okay, look, you guys know me, you guys know me, I'm not gonna fucking, I'm not giving you a courtesy laugh on a meme. Here's what: okay, if it's ever something that Lydia just finds funny and I maybe don't find it as funny, I'm still gonna to, I'm still going for it. That's a, Oh, that's my wife. We're laughing. Whatever. If she sends me something that's like, she knows I have no frame of reference for, and I, it's almost like she sent it to the wrong person. Then I'm like, Hey, this is on you. Like, I don't, you sent me like a nineties R and B meme.

0:21:14 Thomas: I don't know anything about that. Like there's no, cause then it becomes like, that'S almost like telling me you don't know me. You know what I mean? Like there'S a fine line. Like it's one thing if it's like, oh, it's I think something's funny. You don't. It's another if it'S like, well, that's a reference to something that, you know, I've never fucking heard of in my life. Isn't that hurtful? Like you think I would know you should know.

0:21:14 Tom: Yeah,

0:21:18 Eli: Yeah.

0:21:33 Tom: Like you don't know me.

0:21:33 Thomas: I don't know that. Yeah.

0:21:35 Eli: And also, when you've been married, first couple years you're married, if the person doesn't get it, you're like. Oh, my God, my cute little pussy pums. I'm so sorry I didn't understand your reference to 1990s musicals. But it's been fucking 10 years, man. Man. It's you and me. Like, who are you getting references from that aren't fucking me? We're trapped on this island with the fucking little tiny dancer boxer over there. It''s just you and me. Are you imbibing culture that I'm not privy to? And with what time? I need you to stop. I need you stop enjoying things and growing because I'm fucking, I thought it was just us. Yeah, Yeah, it's tough. But look, I'll say this. I think there are a lot of men out there. I doubt this is a woman thing. I doubt This is a Woman thing. And if it is a women thing, as I ponder where the humor road might go, it is probably not fun. So let's say it's just men. Which is, I think that there are men out here who aren't funny and don't understand what memes are. Right?

0:21:57 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh,

0:22:04 Tom: Oh, yeah, yeah.

0:22:38 Eli: First of all, a ton of men are still stuck in random equals funny.

0:22:43 Tom: Oh, can we just hate on that for like the rest of our lives? My kids and I see this is the kind of taking over, like, Internet pop culture to some degree, especially for younger people, where randomness is the punchline, and it's not a, that's not a punchline. That's literally it builds no tension at all. That's not a punch line. There's nothing there. And they'll show me the random sometimes and I'm like, "That's fucking nothing." With the kids especially, you never get a pity laugh from me, because it's just gonna, it's like, it's, it's, that's like faking an orgasm, right? You're just gonna make them bad at it. Yeah, no, fuck that. None of us, none of, of us now would be like, "That's nothing. Don't do that."

0:22:43 Thomas: Yeah, yeah!

0:22:48 Eli: Yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

0:23:16 Thomas: Yep. You don't encourage that shit. You DON'T encourage THAT shit, Tom. I'm with you. I'm With You.

0:23:24 Thomas: Yeah, this is my one line. When it comes to humor and developing their humor, when they're little, I'll laugh the first few times. For me, it's more the repetitiveness because my kids are still that young. Like, I'm I'll give you the laugh. I may give you a second chuckle, maybe. But once you do the same thing three times, no new bit. Yeah, that's true. Well, no, if they do like variance to it, that'S fine. But the kids are at the age where they literally will just do like a repeat of the thing. Yeah, because they, they, yeah, yeah. Or they'll do a weird, annoying voice for no reason. That's like, well, it can't be no reason, like there has to be,

0:23:34 Tom: Right. Yes.

0:23:39 Eli: Unless it's a three beat. Mm -mm. Yeah, of course. That again, yeah. Remember, Dad? And you're like, no, I do remember.

0:24:00 Thomas: There has to be a reason for the voice you're doing. Otherwise, you're just doing a voice out of nowhere.

0:24:00 Eli: Yeah.

0:24:02 Tom: Yeah. I feel like, and I'm wrong about this and I'll say that out front, but I feel like Family Guy began the dissent because Family Guy, Family Guy confused people that were stupid, right? Because Family Guy would be telling its story and then it would have digressions, right.

0:24:13 Thomas: Oh, Family Guy's good. I love that, though.

0:24:15 Eli: Ooh.

0:24:22 Thomas: Yeah. Hmm.

0:24:23 Tom: It would have these little digressations and people confused those digressings with randomness because they're stupid because Because they don't understand how things work or how humor functions or anything along those lines. And so they'd be like, "Oh, that's so random." And you're like, "No, it's not, actually." It's a fucking, first of all, it is a direct corollary to the, right, yeah. There's nothing random, actually, about those little skit digressions that occur in Family Guy. But, but, so many people, I remember it when it happened. Oh, I love all the randomness in Family Guy's. And you are like, okay, you just don't know what it is. You don't have to understand it, but at least you enjoy it. That's fine. You don't have to understan it to enjoy it, that's cool. And then it accelerated, and it accelerated, then the internet was like, hey, what if nothing was everything? And then is exploded exploded into this fucking nonsense vacuum I

0:24:29 Thomas: Sure.

0:24:39 Thomas: Yeah, there was a reason they built it. Right. Yeah.

0:24:41 Eli: It was a cutaway, yeah,

0:24:52 Thomas: Yeah, yeah -ha.

0:25:08 Thomas: But like everything with Tom, I feel like that's three internets ago, like that. I agree with you, Tom.

0:25:13 Tom: Could say I'm wrong, like, I start off, like, I'm probably wrong.

0:25:14 Thomas: No, no, you're right. You're right, but two, three internets ago. Because now everything I get, and now, and no, I shouldn't say that so confidently, because now everything is just the stupid algorithm. So we may all be getting our own version of hell. Yeah, so like my

0:25:18 Tom: Yeah, fine.

0:25:18 Eli: Yeah yeah. None of us are on the same internet anymore. Tom's probably still on 1990. He's like, that's

0:25:29 Tom: True.

0:25:29 Thomas: Version of Hell is, oh, that's why he's so happy. That's why Tom's so much happier. Yeah. Yeah.

0:25:35 Tom: It's so great, it's so great, I love

0:25:44 Ad: [Ad break 2 — ad music]

0:25:46 Thomas: My personal hell is the husband and wife comedy team skit that's doing totally barely funny. Well, no, I'd rather see that. That's doing Totally Not Funny, like simple premise like, oh, when the guy is trying not to look at another girl and he's like avoiding it. And it's like, fucking, oh my God, what year is it?

0:25:52 Eli: Abuse. That's just abuse.

0:26:10 Eli: Cuts to a tear streaming down Tom's cheeks as he deletes all of those from his message thread from Haley. Like, yeah, those are so fucking stupid. Stupid.

0:26:13 Tom: It, yeah. Right.

0:26:22 Eli: So for me, it's the, we prank each other or hate each other thing. I can't stay. I would do anything to not, you know how I sent you too many people dying and you had to be like, Eli, stop sending me videos of people dying. That's what I want to do. The internet. I'm like, I'm never interested in a couple that doesn't like each other. Or a couple of the pretends not to like each other ever again. Cause you know what, what I could never convincingly do, pretend not to like my wife enough to throw baby powder at her face or whatever.

0:26:22 Thomas: Oh god yeah fuck yeah it was it was one by the way that was oh god yeah

0:26:52 Tom: Jesus Christ! I know. No.

0:26:54 Eli: I know that we're internet people and we're supposed to care about the attention of culture. And I'm sure deep down, there are some ways that normal people look at my lifestyle and the ways in which I expose myself publicly. And they think that's disgusting, but I'm nowhere close to fucking, babe, you pretend to walk into the saran wrap and then and you fall down on the ground.

0:27:06 Thomas: Literally, yeah. Oh God. And you have to act like it's the first time.

0:27:17 Eli: I would make a Faces of Death video that's just me before I'd just be like, no, no, I'm gonna survive this gunshot wound, and then I want you to drag me out into the garage and hit me with the car a couple of times, and then we're only two or three news clips away from a video, babe, as long as I'm not putting fucking saran wrap on a door and then asking you to pretend to run into it.

0:27:29 Thomas: Yeah.

0:27:40 Thomas: Yeah, because either it is real, which it's not, and that's horrible, or it's non-real and you're doing the, like, there's nothing, nothing more insulting to me. Oh, we're us. A random couple that isn't good at acting is going to try to pull off that. This is a spontaneous prank. Fuck you. God. Right.

0:27:58 Tom: And then it encourages the people that do find that funny to do that in a way where the other party is not a party to it. And they're like, I don't know why she shot me in the face after I did that. And it's like, well, because that's the only appropriate response to that behavior.

0:28:01 Thomas: Yeah. Oh

0:28:11 Eli: Oh my God, have you seen the one with the puzzle? I think we talked about it on the show where the guy sweeps his wife's puzzle off the table?

0:28:15 Thomas: Yeah. Yep. That's right. We did talk about that. Yeah, I do.

0:28:18 Eli: Do you think about the fact that he didn't go to jail or die because of that? There was no legal consequence. First of all, she has not a single friend in the world. Not a single. I love you guys so much. I'm so grateful for your friendship. If I saw a video of Tom sweep Haley's puzzle off the tablet, off the bed table, I know I'm going out. I'm not pretending I'm gonna win a fight against Tom, but you're having an Eli -shaped bite mark on your balls forever. You get that scar and you're gonna be like, so you use prank videos on Instagram?

0:28:21 Tom: Well,

0:28:25 Thomas: Well, it's been a while. Maybe he did, you know. Yeah.

0:28:45 Thomas: Yeah, on your balls. Yeah.

0:28:55 Tom: I have a brain tumor and thought I would try one. Yeah.

0:28:56 Eli: And I thought I tried one. It's my last vestige. Yes.

0:29:01 Tom: Haley and I watch stuff like that, and, like, we both agree that, like, if either one of us does something like that, the other person has to take us to the emergency room right away. Right, because something has gone wrong. It's like, we'll watch something and be like, okay, so that's obviously an ER visit, right? And it's not, not because you got hurt, it's because something has happened in my brain.

0:29:10 Thomas: Right. Yeah.

0:29:10 Eli: Yeah.

0:29:18 Tom: And maybe it's still time to fix it, right? Yeah.

0:29:19 Eli: No, the ER is for the pranker, not the pranky, when I'll clean up the baby powder. Oh.

0:29:22 Thomas: Oh

0:29:24 Tom: Because it's either I have a fucking brain tumor or a divorce, and we're gonna hope it's the first one, right? Like, we're going to go get that double-checked first. I am so fortunate with the meme shit, because I'm not really online. I might pop online once a week or so for 15 minutes, and then I, I stop, and I don't look at videos. I don't have Instagram. I of TikTok. So I get the Haley filter. So she just filters the internet and delivers to me only the content

0:29:49 Thomas: Wow.

0:29:47 Eli: Just The fucking best, best of the best.

0:29:51 Tom: She knows I'll enjoy. And it's awesome. I still have Facebook so that we can maintain like our Facebook memories together. Cause when I first killed my account, it actually like strips you entirely off of Facebook and it's sad. Yeah.

0:30:02 Eli: Oh yeah, no, it fucking, it burns your face off. The pages of your life, and you

0:30:06 Tom: And like when I First did that, I made Haley really sad. She's like, it's like our, like fucking all these memories are just gone. I was like, okay, okay, I'll reinstate it right away. Well, because I never want to use that platform. I just think it's gross. It's because of the child porn and the, yeah, yes,

0:30:07 Thomas: Geez. Yeah, man, why did you do that?

0:30:17 Eli: Is it because of the child porn? Is it because of the well-known child victimization strategy they have as a company? Tom, a lot of people actively pursue the victimization and sex trafficking of children, and if you're not going to work with them, then you're going to have a tough time making it, making it in the world.

0:30:23 Tom: That they actively pursue. Yeah, actively pursue it. Yeah, right.

0:30:32 Tom: Across multiple platforms. Right, yeah. Yeah, so I'm weird with my ethics like that, you know. I've got these crazy red lines. Yeah.

0:30:42 Eli: It's weird when you point out that someone does sex trafficking of children and they're like, "Pobity's nerfect," and you're like, no, no, no.

0:30:49 Tom: Yeah, I know. No.

0:30:49 Eli: I know that in the West we do that for, like, iPhones, and I get it. I also like my iPhone. We shouldn't, but you can't pope it, he's nerfic, like, no, there's actually a well-known, they put in a two-way encryption because so many people were getting arrested for trafficking. They made it harder to catch them.

0:30:49 Thomas: Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

0:30:50 Tom: Yeah. Yeah, so I you know, I I have I have a whole bunch of these crazy ethical red lines. So that was one of them anyway. So I still have my account and

0:31:15 Eli: Some of yours are crazy though. I don't want to say that you're, I, it's important that nobody, because there might be a new listener, he's not, because I said the horrible thing about squirting and you're a bitch. But if there was a new listener, I don't want them to be like, this Tom guy sounds kind of reasonable. And that's you.

0:31:16 Thomas: Yeah, I know, we listen to the show.

0:31:16 Tom: Yeah, that's fine. Yeah.

0:31:30 Eli: It's you forgetting that you're on the podcast.

0:31:32 Tom: So I still have Messenger because I still have Facebook, but I just don't use it. So Haley will be like, oh, I sent you a whole bunch of shit on Messenger, and then I just sit there and I look at the stuff she sent me, but I get the Haley filter. She just takes the internet and says, what would Tom find funny, and then she sends me only that stuff, so it's fucking great. It's the best of all worlds. I love it.

0:31:46 Thomas: Tom, yeah.

0:31:49 Eli: Apparently I've been allowing myself tick tock on planes. I literally download it as I'm getting on the plane, delete it as I'm getting off the plane. I spend entire multi-hour long plane rides. Just all right. Algorithm, take me away. It's like a heroin addict who goes to, once a year, just goes to a cabin. Yes, I just semi drama. It seems bad. I don't like them. I disagree with them. Maybe I could be a better parent. It's fucking the best. It's the best. Just turns my brain off. Look,

0:31:58 Tom: Nice. Okay. Wait.

0:32:06 Thomas: Wow. Yeah. Tune in, drop out.

0:32:22 Thomas: I I mean, in the end, though, leaving it on red for that long, I think you should have a conversation like that's that's you know what I mean?

0:32:32 Eli: Let's be honest, listener, I think your husband's meme game sucks, and look, you're monogamish, so I think there's a pretty easy way to solve this. Jump into my meme DMs, listener.

0:32:43 Tom: A second.

0:32:40 Thomas: Like, yeah, that's true. That's Lydia and Eli's relationship. They're fucking meme wise. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Sorry.

0:32:45 Eli: That's right We do it in front of you, though. It's sort of a cuck situation so that you don't have to.

0:32:51 Tom: I do want to do another question, but I want to ask, is there a maximum amount of memes at which point it's rude? Like if you send too many memes, like if it's like if somebody just spams the shit out of you with like a million memes. Yeah, right. Yeah.

0:32:56 Thomas: Which way? Which direction? Oh, yeah. One hundred percent. Yeah.

0:33:03 Eli: Yeah. Well, the way to silently communicate that, if someone gives you too many memes, you go down to the bottom. You look at the last two. Heart, heart, the last few. You know what that says? Okay. This was too much.

0:33:14 Tom: Right. Smart.

0:33:14 Eli: I received your final email. As per my last email.

0:33:17 Tom: Okay. Because I was wondering if that was part of the problem here, is, like, she's just getting fucking spammed a trillion fucking things, and she's like, I don't have, who has time for this? I don't have time for this.

0:33:19 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But so it's like on one hand, the benefit of having a partner, a life partner is to kind of get get to. Well, you get to, like, feel like you're not as much on the clock with them. You know what I mean? Like you're going to obviously take more liberties than with a stranger. Like if you send a stranger 40 memes, you're insane. Like you need to be locked up. If you send your wife 40 memes like, you know, but like there's also a line like there'S a line in which you got to be like, OK, even your wife is saying or is not responding to them. If you're not adjusting to that feedback you're getting, well, no, yeah, it's, but it's not into your memes, but like also as a husband, as a partner, if you're not adjusting to that feedback that your partner is giving you in some way without having to be told, that's perhaps a bad sign. I'm just, I'm just saying.

0:33:33 Eli: Memes.

0:33:59 Tom: Yeah, she's just not at that end. You, you know, that's, yeah.

0:34:13 Eli: Be a listener. Hey, I know you guys are a little bit more private, but I had a moment the other day that I thought was weird, and it's kind of along the meme conversation line. I have a couple of friends, they're a couple, and they're friends, both of them braggy. They send each other porn.

0:34:13 Tom: Not Great. Sure.

0:34:31 Thomas: Nice.

0:34:31 Eli: Okay, okay, okay.

0:34:38 Thomas: That's a line for you.

0:34:39 Eli: Okay, here's the thing. I found myself pruding out. I was like, how dare you, sir, obviously not out loud. I wasn't like, fucking gross. He was like, yeah, no, look, this is, yeah, I, I just sent her when, when I know, I believe me, I know. But I was like, what the fuck do I care? Cause it's like, again, private couple, consenting adults. This is a thing that they do that they both enjoy. And I was like, that could never do in my head. I was like, what if you're in public? I was like, I don't know, man.

0:34:50 Thomas: It's just a, it'S a weird line for YOU to have, I guess. Yeah.

0:35:12 Tom: Yeah.

0:35:12 Eli: Fucking answer your phone with some discretion. If the link starts with a P, I don't really, why am I? Okay. I'm not going to lie. Tom, Tom, are you listening? I was kind of hoping, because you're the cast prude, that you would be like no, that's wrong. I feel like you kind of left me hanging.

0:35:21 Tom: Yeah, yeah. It's not later, it's not for me, but like, whatever, like, do your thing, I don't care. Yeah.

0:35:33 Eli: I wanted you to be like, that is against God this is my favorite Jesus loves him Oh,

0:35:36 Tom: I don't care, like, yeah, no, it's

0:35:40 Thomas: Now, we don't send each other porn, but, you know, maybe it may be something, maybe something we see that's sexy. Yeah, a little, a little, little, there could be nudity, there could be nudie, but yeah.

0:35:45 Eli: A little saucy? A little saucy text? Make my fucking day with a saucy text, bro With a saucy text where I'm just reminded of that? That that's a possibility?

0:35:57 Tom: Well, saucy text is different than, like, nudes of other people. Is that what we're talking about? Nudes have other, oh, oh, okay.

0:36:02 Thomas: Oh yeah, now I'm confused. Okay, okay, actual point. Yeah, gotcha.

0:36:02 Eli: Oh, yes, no, we're talking about about porn. Yeah. I was talking specifically about, but nobody was objecting to us. If I jumped into a saucy text, that's yeah.

0:36:08 Tom: I thought that's what you're talking about. A saucy time, like, that's who would, what, that's, is that always

0:36:10 Thomas: Yeah.

0:36:11 Eli: Get out of here. Then you don't like your partner.

0:36:14 Thomas: Yeah.

0:36:14 Tom: Welcome. Yeah, what is happening right now? Yeah, all right, all right.

0:36:14 Eli: That's just, please not in front of the internet.

0:36:18 Thomas: I get mad if my wife sends me something, I see sent an image, and it's not nudes, I'm like, okay. Yeah.

0:36:24 Eli: Oh, it's fucking kids doing the same thing they did. Dude, a hanging picture, right? Cause you get the lump of photos. There they are at the park and you're like, nice. And then it's the one photo and you're like, all right.

0:36:26 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:36:36 Eli: And it's fucking the one that didn't send? Ah! Asshole.

0:36:36 Tom: Just, uh, All

0:36:46 Ad: [Ad break 3 — ad music]

0:36:48 Tom: Right, so let's bang through another question here. Hey, dads, I'm in the middle of some drama with my dad. I was wondering your take on it. So here it goes. My older brother is getting married. I'm late twenties. He's late thirties. And they're both very low key, shy people who don't like too much attention. So they're basically just doing a photo shoot with family, saying some vows. And later in the day, having a thing at a board game cafe with friends to celebrate.

0:37:07 Thomas: Ooh.

0:37:07 Eli: Fuck yeah.

0:37:08 Tom: I was texting with our dad about it and he tells me that the brother didn't include his new partner in the wedding. So he, the dad, is not going to attend. I talked to my brother about it and asked him what's going on there. And apparently what happened is that he didn't initially invite her to the photo shoot day, but dad assumed that she was invited. And at some point, my brother did invite her. Don't know how that conversation went, to be honest. But later mentioned how they would do different groupings for pictures, so some would or wouldn't include her. And this was dad's last straw to say he won't be going at all. Now, for context. My brother's mom was dad'S first wife. My mom was second. And this is dad'S fourth fiancée.

0:37:15 Thomas: Hmm. Oof.

0:37:44 Tom: We're both a bit jaded about dad's new partners, especially my brother, who I've now learned was hit really hard when my dad split up from my mom and who's been around for more of this pattern than I have.

0:37:45 Eli: Okay, dad, fucking relax.

0:37:46 Thomas: Yeah. This one'll work, though.

0:37:59 Thomas: Hmm.

0:37:59 Tom: My brother also barely knows dad's New Partner. She's been round for, I think, three years, but most of the time they've interacted, they've had plans that I've made and invited them all to. My dad pretty rarely makes plans, and I've been around him for a long time, and he's made more of an effort to get to know her than my brother has, but I still don't know her all that well either.

Now, I'm of the opinion that I would have just invited her as the polite thing to do, but also, he's a grown man and can invite whoever he wants, especially since this isn't a big formal wedding, it's just immediate family. I also think Brother should have been clearer about who was and wasn't invited from the jump. Honestly, it sounds more like he didn't really think to include her and now it's blown up in his face.

He also forgot to actually invite me until a week before, so that tells you how organized he is. But he also just genuinely doesn't want her in all of his wedding pictures when he knows Dad's track record. I also think this is pretty harsh stance to take, to just go, "I'm not going at all to your son's wedding," especially

0:38:50 Thomas: Yep.

0:38:51 Tom: Since we both have never been interested in marriage and Dad was really excited about it. This feels like a crazy thing for my dad to pass up, and honestly, this whole situation feels so out of character for him. I texted him back saying my feelings and saying it feels like something he's going to regret skipping, and Dad hasn't responded to either of us. It's been a few days. Brother decided to just block him till the wedding is done to spare him the stress, but I'm still leaving it open. Curious to know your thoughts on this, and frankly, I'm not sure where we go from here. Yeah.

0:39:07 Thomas: The fuck?

0:39:17 Thomas: Jesus. Well, fuck the dad. Dear old dads.

0:39:18 Eli: Yeah, your dad sucks. Yeah. Your dad fucking sucks, dude.

0:39:23 Thomas: Yeah, absolutely.

0:39:23 Tom: I think your brother sucks a bit here too.

0:39:26 Thomas: Hmm.

0:39:27 Eli: Your brother sucks a normal amount. Your mother sucks within the wedding. So here's the thing. There's a wedding band, right? Which is that whenever anyone gets married, they get a certain amount of leeway to do a shitty thing they've never done before, where they're just like, "And we want everybody to wear hats," and you're like, "Fuck, dude, that's so irritating, but it's your wedding, so I'm gonna go get a fucking hat, I guess," right? They just get to do a weird thing, and, "I don't want your fiance in the wedding pictures." Okay, motherfucker, fine.

0:39:30 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.

0:39:58 Eli: You don't want Skimp in the wedding pictures, and there are ways to correct that from Dad, right? You gotta be like, "I love Skimp. Skimp is the love of my life. Fourth time's the charm," you know what, what they fucking say, right? Like, there's a conversation to be had where, Skit, right? Take some fucking Skimp pictures in there. We'll see when Tom gets his fourth wife. Um, but you gotta fucking, I get it, like, you gotta, you gotta correct that behavior if you don't want Skimp to be whatever, but Dad fucking fucked this up big time, right? First and foremost, Dad just eat Eat it. Just fucking eat it.

0:39:58 Tom: Honestly, that's

0:40:08 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you should have done the Tom voice for that. That was a little, a little targeting. Yeah, yeah,

0:40:15 Tom: Not kind of rough. Yeah, no, no, fucking

0:40:35 Thomas: Yeah. You're the one on the fourth wife. That's on you. You know what I mean? Like, I think there's a certain amount of like, all right, I earn this. Sure. Right.

0:40:38 Eli: Yeah. Yeah, sure. No, I have been with this person for less than a high school education. I can understand why you wouldn't want her in these photos of this really important day for you. Like, sucks for me, and it sucks for Skimp, but, like, this is where we're at. I should have fucking stayed married. Me and your mom should have learned to communicate. If I fucking wanted it. If I didn't want to have a fourth wife, I probably should have had a first one. I fucking get it. Right? Eat that shit. And look, is there something to be said that 39-year-old brother should fucking man up and let Skimp be in a few pictures? Do you think the wedding photographer doesn't know how to arrange pictures so that the keepers aren't there? Yeah.

0:41:01 Tom: What? Jesus. Christ. Yeah.

0:41:20 Tom: Yeah.

0:41:18 Thomas: Right. I was just going to say, yeah it's not like you're in the 1850s and everyone has to stand perfectly still and then there's like an explosion Explosion. And then nobody. You know, it's not hard to take a picture.

0:41:28 Eli: Do you know how many photos I've been gently guided out of, out of the wedding process throughout my life as a cousin slash friend, where they've just been like, "And now one with just the couple." Oh, you just get the fucking moms out of it. And now mommy and daddy, daddy, and now daddy and his little girl. You just do the variation. Also, they'll fucking photoshop them for you, man. Just be like, just literally go over to the photographer.

0:41:37 Thomas: Oh, I thought it was Anna. I thought she was like, okay, can we get one without the. Yeah.

0:41:49 Thomas: Yeah, doesn't matter. That's why I do now I've been talked into that is being a little bit douchey of the son. Yeah or the brother.

0:41:56 Tom: The brother here

0:41:56 Eli: Yeah, yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. A hundred

0:41:58 Tom: Is an asshole. I just want to say, like, the brother here, this is an, and he started beef for, like, no reason. Like, there's just no, this conflict, well, it's not like the brother dislikes this woman. According to this, they barely know this woman at all, right? She's been around for three years. She's not been there for 15 minutes. It's not like the flavor of the week, right? Three years is a good chunk of time. All you have to do is invite this person, that's it. Why would you insult your dad for no reason and then expect that insult to be just like shrugged off when it costs you literally nothing to invite somebody and be like, "Yeah, you can come," and, like, "I don't really care if you're here or not here, it's fine either way." Just do it.

0:41:59 Thomas: Yeah yeah. It might be more justified is all it might be. Yeah well first

0:42:04 Eli: Percent sure.

0:42:38 Thomas: Of all he said he forgot to invite the brother like it sounds like it could be a forgetty thing.

0:42:41 Eli: Yeah, he's

0:42:43 Tom: I mean, I'll be honest though, like, if you fucking forget to invite your brother. Like, it's not forgetty. That's just, you're an asshole. There's a certain amount of, like, you're bad at stuff where it stops being you forgetful and you're just fucking rude.

0:42:50 Thomas: Okay. No. Let he who is not without first stone. I don't know. Yeah. But also there could be like justification for the son not wanting the debt. You know, like there could be, I'm just saying I'm maybe I'm racially stereotyping, but a dad on the fourth wife or whatever it is, maybe that guy's kind of an asshole.

0:43:15 Eli: Probably Mexican. What do you fucking mean, you're racially stereotyping? I was like, "Hey, Thomas, it's rare that I'm like, do not go down this joke path." But my heart leapt out of my chest. My cars were crashed into last night. I was more scared by the sentence. Maybe I'm racially stereotyping.

0:43:17 Tom: What? What?

0:43:18 Thomas: That was just a joke. I'm I'm, I'm stereotyping that the guy, no, yeah, totally.

0:43:39 Eli: He sounds black.

0:43:39 Thomas: I, uh, I pulled an Eli for a second. I did a full, yeah. No, I, as in I'm racist against men is what I meant to say.

0:43:36 Tom: Yeah,

0:43:45 Eli: That's right. No, and that's allowed and encouraged.

0:43:47 Thomas: As a racist against man, I think that there's probably maybe reasons this guy might suck and the dad is in the, you know, the dad and maybe I'm always open to like the dad has earned whatever the fuck this is from the son.

0:43:59 Eli: Well, yeah. And also think about how little relationship you have with your son that you can't go, Hey, I really appreciate the invite, but I'm really hurt that Skimp isn't invited. It like, she adores you, and I know you haven't known her for that long, but I think she'd be really hurt if you couldn't come. If that conversation leads to anything other than, "Oh my gosh, Dad, I'm so sorry, we were just trying to keep it small, of course bring Skim," you fucked up so bad, you fucked up so fucking bad. I mean, there are very few people in my life who couldn't say that to me, to any event: "Hey, I can't bring blank," and I'd be like, "No, you can bring blank." Yep.

0:44:05 Thomas: Yeah, right. Exactly. Yep. Right.

0:44:37 Tom: But I mean, some people are also this is a late 30s person. Like, this isn't like a young person. Like, some people are just assholes and like, it's possible here that the brother is just kind of an asshole, and like, so far, in my opinion, you've got two pieces of evidence to start that he's kind of a asshole. He forgot to invite his own brother, right? That's asshole behavior. And then he didn't invite, either by accident or on purpose, Dad's fiance, which is just weird and insulting and unnecessary. And I'm like, yeah, this guy kind of sucks.

Sorry, man, it sounds like your brother kind of sucks. Like, I think your dad is an asshole too, don't get me wrong. Everybody sucks here, but like, a hundred percent, it costs nothing to just be polite. Yeah. A wedding is a moment where you're like, "Yeah, it's my day." Yeah, it is, but you invited other people, so you do have to consider other people. You don't gets to invite people and say, "Please come to my thing and let me host you," and then decide not to be a gracious host about it unless you're a dick. Yeah.

0:44:44 Eli: I think everybody sucks. Yeah.

0:45:33 Eli: Yeah, yeah, your wedding is your day. If you're Taylor Swift, your wedding is, if you're getting married at the ripe old age of 40, your wedding's not your day, okay?

0:45:45 Tom: I, like, I could see if, if you had, if this guy had actual beef with somebody, like, they, like, there's actual, I don't like this other person. I genuinely don't like them, but it sounds like they just don't know this lady and they're just like, I'm going to invite Dad, who's actually the problem behavior, right? Dad's behavior is the problem potentially, right? If he's like bouncing between relationships, he's still invited even though he's the problem. This lady who may or may not be a problem at all, we don't know because we never spent any time getting to know her, she's not invited. Let's insult her, let's make it hard and awkward for Dad. Oh, I'm gonna go to my son's wedding and you're not invited. I don't know why. You're just gonna get invited anyway. I'm the one with the bad pattern of behavior, but still got the invite.

0:45:58 Thomas: Hmm.

0:46:27 Tom: Like, what is That, that's fucking weird. Just don't do it. Like, the option is super easy. Just don's do that. Yeah.

0:46:28 Thomas: Fair. Points.

0:46:28 Eli: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think, I mean, I don't know. I think everybody fucking sucks. I'm sorry to you, podcast listener. Cause it sounds like you did the really mature thing and now Dad's going to be a piece of shit to you about it. It doesn't sound like you talked to your brother, but it also, I think the reason you didn't talk to your brothers, cause your brother is a piece of of shit, right? Like I think the, like, "Hey, he forgot to invite me to," you sound like Tom describing his dad right now. He's like, "Ah, that's just not the kind of thing he would do," and I'm like, that's nothing. That sentence you said, neither here nor there. How many weddings would your dad have to not invite you to before you'd be like, inappropriate? How many people would have to be at the wedding before you were like, "Ah, Dad, I deserved an invite on that one"? Fuck, I'm gonna, I'm taking this one up with you, big man. That one I wouldn't, I didn't care for it because

0:46:51 Thomas: Hmm, yeah.

0:46:57 Tom: It's not, I'm in his Rolodex, I feel like I'm his Rolodex. All right, all right, now that one hurt, Dad. That one heard.

0:46:58 Thomas: Yeah, it's not professional. Yeah.

0:47:27 Thomas: Tom can't answer that question. It's gonna incriminate him.

0:47:29 Eli: It's been so many

0:47:30 Tom: No, no. Pass, pass on the question.

0:47:31 Thomas: Yeah.

0:47:31 Eli: And, and, and him and Lynn got married this weekend. It's still really

0:47:33 Thomas: Yeah, right.

0:47:34 Tom: Real quick, I'll, I will tell a quick personal story. Like, maybe I'm reactive to this because, like, but when I was, uh, engaged to my ex-wife, my stepmom, Lynn, I mean, stepmom for lack of a better term, she was like, "Congratulations, but if your mom goes to the wedding, I'm not going." And I was like, what, what an awesome position to put me in. What, like, so great. I really am grateful for the, for the terribly awkward position. And at that point I had not yet severed ties. I severed ties with my mom literally that same year, but I had Not yet severred ties with my mom. And I was just like, why involve your weird drama into something that is not about you? Cause you can't be cordial for the better part of an afternoon.

0:47:55 Thomas: Uh. -huh, mm. -hmm, yeah. Yeah.

0:48:19 Tom: Like if, if my kids, if Finn got married next week, like my ex and I are not friends. I don't want to see her face. I would love to spend the rest of my life never seeing her. That would be the best way to spend the rest OF my life. But like, I would go to the wedding. I would go to my son's wedding, you know, like it's crazy to just put these weird ultimatums and shit in place and like try to leverage other people's relationships. I think it's fucking weird.

0:48:22 Eli: To

0:48:37 Thomas: Yep. Well, plus that was the first thing that came out of Lynn's mouth, apparently. Like, that's pretty fucked. Yeah.

0:48:49 Tom: Yeah, it was the, it was the first, first, like, sentence, and I was like, that's cool, that's very chill. That's awesome. So I mean, there's a shit marriage, so like, why congratulate me at all? I don't think anybody really thought it was a great idea, but you know, that's retrospect. What

0:48:55 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:49:04 Clip: DEAR OLD DAD

0:49:10 Eli: Me All right, gentlemen, why are Nazi soldiers so good with animals? Because They're all veterinarians.

0:49:18 Tom: Oh. Oh my, oh my, oh my. Yes, sir.

0:49:23 Thomas: Nice. That's a good one. It's a new one. I've not heard that joke. I like it. Great stuff. Girl, Dick Van Day. Oh.

0:49:27 Eli: Yeah, thank you to Girl Dick Van Dyke on our dad jokes for that one.

0:50:23 Eli: You fucking pervert. I'd fuck the shit out of that parking spot. Wait, wait, wait, Tom, let me say that without, I'm so tired. I was up, I was out for two hours because my car got smooshed.

0:50:32 Tom: Yeah. A very entertaining show we're doing here. All right, it's fucking riveting, guys. Riveting material.

0:50:44 Thomas: But like everything with Tom, I feel like that's three internets ago.

0:50:55 Thomas: That's Lydia and Eli's relationship. They're fucking meme wise.