DOD273: We Almost Did An Episode Before Remembering Eli Golfed

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's learning to wait quietly. I'm Tom Curry. I am joined, as always, by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:38 Eli: Hey everybody,

0:00:39 Thomas: Howdy, howdy doody. I don't know. I was blanking on what to say. Hello. Hi. I'm normal.

0:00:43 Eli: Skinny Marink. Did you guys see that movie?

0:00:44 Tom: No,

0:00:47 Thomas: What? Oh, is that a horror movie or something? Yeah, I don' t really... Don't watch a ton of those.

0:00:48 Tom: Why don't you know what movie you're referring to? Skinny Marink is a horror movie?

0:00:49 Eli: Skinny Marink, yeah! A horror movie, sure. Yeah, it had like a $7 budget and made $80 bagillion dollars. Skinny marink. Like skinny marinka dinka dink. Skinny marinka do.

0:00:57 Thomas: Huh. Like the beginning of that song?

0:00:57 Tom: Wait, it's really called Skinny Marink? I've never even heard of it. No, I don't know. No. My kids love horror movies. I just am not a fan. I'm not into it. It's not my thing.

0:01:04 Thomas: Huh. Yeah, I'm

0:01:09 Eli: I don't like horror movies.

0:01:09 Thomas: Not scared of them. I just don't like... They're just boring to me. I don't really...

0:01:12 Tom: To be honest, most of them are just so fucking stupid. Like the plot lines are so dumb. I it's not the like gore or the like that stuff feels just like weird, gratuitous, but like fine if it's interesting, but most of it's just not interesting to me. It'S just not a good story.

0:01:14 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I' m with you.

0:01:26 Eli: You know what I like to do? I like to read the Wikipedia summaries so that I know what happened in them. And the other day that, And by that, I mean, no,

0:01:29 Tom: Okay. Why

0:01:34 Thomas: Like when you don't watch them, or before you watch them.

0:01:36 Eli: When I don't watch them. Yeah.

0:01:36 Thomas: Or when you don't watch them. Okay, oh, about the horror movie, they just need to stay

0:01:37 Tom: Is This a sports thing? Is this so you can have a conversation with people that do like, like this? Yeah.

0:01:41 Eli: It's so that I can have a conversation with people who do like this. I also find they

0:01:45 Tom: It's all about the murdering. If we can avoid the gates of hell, I think we've got a shot, boys. Yeah.

0:01:47 Thomas: Healthy. I just hope they're having fun. Sorry. Yeah.

0:01:48 Eli: Do need to stay healthy. That's the whole point of the thing. No, but like often, often a horror movie will have like, often a horror moving will have, like, um, it's all about the murdering. Often a horror movie will have a central conceit, a mystery that is interesting to me. Like something is killing these hikers. And I'm like, oh, I want to know what's killing those hikers.

0:02:11 Thomas: Oh yeah, I like that stuff. That's all

0:02:16 Eli: So I'll go read the Wikipedia and I'll be like, oh, it was one of the hikers who was killing the hIKERS. Naughty hiker.

0:02:24 Thomas: Right. Didn't see that coming.

0:02:23 Tom: You Know What's so funny is I love reading horror novels. I read horror novels a lot. I read them all the time.

0:02:29 Thomas: Horror novels? What's a horror novel? I don't read books. Sorry.

0:02:33 Tom: I just finished Horns by Joe Hill. It's a horror novel.

0:02:36 Eli: So good, right?

0:02:37 Tom: It's incredible. It is a very, very, good book. Seriously, it is outstanding.

0:02:38 Thomas: You only Wikipedia it, Eli. Don't Tell. Nice.

0:02:44 Tom: It is a genre that I really like, but movies, zero out of ten for me. I never ...

0:02:48 Thomas: Question: do you read actual physical books? And follow up: how do you have the time to do that ever?

0:02:53 Tom: I read 99 % of the time on an electronic device of some kind. I write a

0:02:56 Thomas: But you are reading, not listening, because the only way I could see, like, if you had time is you're doing a million other things, like I'm doing, and then you, you can listen to something, which is cool, but you can actually find the time to read. Crazy.

0:03:05 Tom: Lot while Haley was in in the hospital. For example, I probably knocked out five or six books while she was in the hospital. And then if she's watching like a comfort show, something that we've watched over and over again, it's just sort of like a Comfort Show. And we're just kind of hanging out together in the late evening. Then sometimes I'll read while she sort of watches a rerun show. So, you know, I'll do that. I just, you Know, I'm not like trying to be a preachy asshole, but I'll come across that way. You have a lot more time if you just never scroll.

0:03:10 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah,

0:03:11 Eli: Lucky.

0:03:36 Thomas: No, that's, that'S true.

0:03:38 Tom: If you replace, like, your five minutes scrolling with five minutes of reading, yeah,

0:03:40 Thomas: Replace scrolling with a scroll. I don't know. I was trying to, no.

0:03:44 Eli: An actual scroll.

0:03:44 Tom: Like, and I'm not saying one's better, I'm not even trying to, like, do that, but, like, that is kind of what I do.

0:03:47 Thomas: No, no yours is better. This is one time where Tom, where you're actually, you can just go ahead and full -throatedly say this. Cause it's true.

0:03:50 Tom: Yeah, yeah. Like, I'll read a book on my phone, so, like, it's like, "Oh, you've got that, like, 10 minutes of downtime," so I'll read 10, 12 pages of a book, you know, and that adds up quick enough that, like, you can power through stuff fairly

0:04:01 Thomas: Hmm. That's awesome. Boy. That's interesting. What if, yeah, everybody did a little like experiment of like, Like every time you're about to scroll, read a book, read a fucking book. Yeah. No, no, it's awesome. It's probably would be way better for all of us.

0:04:11 Tom: Swiftly. It sounds so fucking ye olde boomer fucking shit. I know, I know it. I know, I know. Yeah. But I will, I'll read horror novels like crazy. Like I love Joe Hill.

0:04:19 Eli: Sure.

0:04:20 Thomas: Hmm. Interesting.

0:04:23 Tom: I like Stephen King. I liked all, you know, like I'll yeah.

0:04:25 Thomas: You know, it is interesting because, you know, they can't just rely on the visual of gratuitous violence. They'll have to have actually thought of stuff to make it interesting the whole time.

0:04:33 Tom: For me, like, like a very good writer tells us like a, a very character driven story. And then I find like, I find personally with like a good horror novel is they tend to have a good, like positive wrap up at the end. So in the end, they're sort of like, well, here's this bad thing and it happened and then it was overcome. And you know these people come out in the and they're whole and they are better for it or whatever. And it's actually not a net negative story. You know what I mean?

0:04:38 Thomas: Hmm. Hmm.

0:04:59 Tom: It's actually almost always like, okay, all right, we got here. It was like, it was a lot to get here, but we got here. And so I find them kind of, I don't know how to say it. They're kind of almost weirdly relaxing in that way because you know it's going to turn out okay. When they don't, they can fuck themselves raw. They can fuck themselves forever raw. There's an author that I read, he wrote a book called The Deep, it's a really challenging, yeah, Nick

0:05:03 Eli: Yeah. Yeah.

0:05:14 Thomas: Oh, I don't read stuff that's going to turn out. Oh, wow. Okay. This is pretty important information.

0:05:26 Eli: You don't like Nick, what's his name? Nick Cullen, I think it is. Nick Cutter. Yeah.

0:05:30 Tom: Something, Nick, that guy can fuck himself forever. Nick Cutter, thank you. I got to the end of that and it did not end well, and I'm like, that is fucked, what you just did to me.

0:05:38 Thomas: I never would have thought you needed to have a book end well. That's the weirdest thing. I can't predict you, Tom. There's many ways. Yeah, yeah. Well, but you're so used to everything being bad, I would, you even notice, you

0:05:43 Tom: Oh, that's not what I need in my life right now, Thomas, like if I was like reading like, I I don't want that, man. That doesn't help, like, that's not, like, helpful to

0:05:53 Eli: Yeah.

0:05:53 Thomas: Know, like, yeah, I could see it going either way.

0:05:57 Eli: No, I get it because when something ends that bad and the deep is a great example of it ending that bad, you're just sort of like, well, then what did we do here, man? Yeah.

0:05:59 Tom: Me. Oh, yes. Yes, like, why'd you take me through this fucking emotional journey just to be like, yeah, if I'm gonna, then it just turns out like shit and you're like, yes

0:06:11 Thomas: Wow, so interesting.

0:06:16 Eli: If I spend 90 minutes with Funny Games, everybody's dead at the end. I'm like, all right, funny games. Lame. But if I spent 375 pages with you for you to be like, and then they fuck off, man.

0:06:34 Tom: Man.

0:06:34 Eli: Make a jump scare video that comes up when I think I'm looking at a picture of a baby dancing or something. Like, you don't, there is an inherent disagreement about the purpose of art when someone's just like, it's the same thing. I feel about, like, when the conclusion of art is like deep hatred or sexism. A lot of great novels, they don't tell you this, they're afraid to tell you this, but a lot great novels, the conclusion is bitches be crazy, right? And they don't tell you of that, but a bunch of classics. Yeah.

0:06:31 Thomas: Thing. Well, I feel like historically all the authors were just incels, right? Like so many of the dudes were just like, oh really? Oh man, really? I actually, so that's one that I actually, I read The Old Man in the Sea and I liked it so much I read a bunch of Hemingway and I, uh, I enjoyed it. Maybe I missed, I might have missed something.

0:07:05 Eli: Exactly. A tremendous amount of Hemingway is just like, women, am I right? Oh my god, so much Hemingway is just like Old Man in the Sea fucks so hard and it's The, it's the best representation of women he has because he doesn't represent any of them. He's like, fish. Yeah.

0:07:24 Thomas: Yeah, I love that book.

0:07:24 Tom: Man. There's no women in it. Yeah, there's no women.

0:07:28 Thomas: There are none. Yeah, no, but like, like Farewell to Arms, uh, let's see what else, there's some other ones I did. I don't remember the name. I don't remember that being the message, but maybe I missed it. Fuck.

0:07:37 Eli: So a bunch of them are just fucking sexist as fuck, and again, I have the same thing with horror and sad, all the way sad books. I know you love On the Road, Tom, but that's how I feel about On the Road.

0:07:47 Tom: Just The Road. Yeah, The Road. Yeah.

0:07:47 Eli: Not on the roads, the road On the Road is Kerouac one. Uh, but the road where I'm just like at the end, I'm like, all right, well, yeah, fucking sucked.

0:07:50 Tom: Yeah.

0:07:55 Thomas: Oh wait, we're not doing a bonus anymore, I forgot. Oh

0:07:57 Tom: Okay, no, I want to ask because I've been a meaning ass, like, are there any books that you actually regret reading?

0:08:03 Eli: Oh yeah. A bunch.

0:08:03 Tom: That you're like, that was a fucking great book and I really wish I hadn't read

0:08:07 Thomas: That you liked it and thought it was, yeah

0:08:08 Eli: Yeah. A bunch.

0:08:09 Tom: It, like that it was just, you recognize it, like, that was a good, like, American Psycho is an undeniably, like, there's nothing you're going to criticize about it as a book and I wish I'd never read it. I don't remember if I threw up or if I almost threw up while I was reading it or the other. I felt very sick reading it. It was very uncomfortable. It's a million times worse than the movie.

0:08:19 Eli: There's some, yeah.

0:08:25 Thomas: Hmm.

0:08:31 Tom: A million times worse. The movie is like the fucking G-rated sunshine Bambi version of that book.

0:08:37 Thomas: Wow, Jesus.

0:08:37 Tom: That book upset me like, that book was like, I don't feel good about this. There's a handful of those.

0:08:31 Eli: Yeah, yeah yeah. There are some yucky books, um, that I really regret reading. They put images in my head that I don't and that are just sort of always there, and I invested in those characters and feel, honestly, you know what I feel like that way about is, uh, what is, I'm gonna get it wrong, Prime Meridian, Meridian of something, the Meridian, whatever, I don't fucking know.

0:08:49 Thomas: Yeah, yeah.

0:08:50 Tom: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:09:02 Tom: Uh, I don't know.

0:09:05 Thomas: I feel that way about Game of Thrones, honestly. I love those books, but I just don't think I can do it anymore. They're too, too gruesome.

0:09:11 Tom: I quit, like, in The Feast of Four Crows, Feast of Crows, Feasting with Crows, there's something. Yeah, I got halfway through that one, I'm like, I can't read another page of somebody walking around being hungry and cold, like I

0:09:16 Thomas: A Feast for Crows, I think. I don't know.

0:09:24 Eli: Yeah.

0:09:24 Tom: Can't do it, like, I know you're hungry, I know your cold, I can't do anymore. I'm so, I just got bored is all I'm saying, like, I'm just goofing

0:09:26 Thomas: Oh, that part, that part was fine. Oh, okay. Sure.

0:09:29 Eli: Yeah. There's a bunch of that stuff where I'll read a book and I don't like it. There's, I'll also say that a lot of sci-fi is just fucking, just privileged bullshit and I, it's just fucking, I can't, there's

0:09:44 Thomas: Guys,

0:09:42 Tom: Around. Yeah. Man, everything Heinlein ever wrote is a problem. Okay, all right, sorry, we're doing this, God damn

0:09:47 Thomas: We got to do an episode. And the only thing worse. No, we gotta do the first break. We're already 12 minutes in. We haven't done the first break Lydia. Look, Lydia has been lately. Lydia has a little miffed about how hard it is to do the ad breaks because we don't do one forever.

0:09:50 Eli: We're doing the episode, Thomas. Let it flow, let it blow. patreon.com/Dear Old Dads

0:09:56 Tom: It also, Blood Meridian, I wish I never had Blood

0:10:03 Eli: You know what Ernest Hemingway would say? Hit her in the mouth.

0:10:07 Tom: Meridian. Oh, Jesus Christ, man.

0:10:07 Thomas: The only thing worse than Eli's summary of Hemingway.

0:10:08 Eli: Closed fist. She'll never say it again as Ernest Hemingway used to would say about Lydia. Rip into her.

0:10:12 Tom: Ernest Hemingway Oh, Jesis Christ.

0:10:17 Eli: No, but hey, look, here's the thing. I know after I say something like that, your first thought is, how can I give that guy money? And I'm glad you asked. Over at patreon.com forward slash d roll dance, we'll get a commercial-free version of every single show plus which we just recorded. We just reported a monthly bonus episode, little AMA, talked about all sorts, sorts of stuff in there, our favorite and least favorite questions to be asked as a parent, what fights we have with our spouse, all sorts of cool stuff, and you can check all of it out over at patreon.com/Dear Old Dads, like those sharks into the fish in Patreon. What did I say?

0:10:25 Thomas: A Bonus, bonus, Dear Old Dads. You said Dear Old Dad.

0:10:56 Tom: Dear Old Dad, just one of us, yeah. Yeah. Which one? I've been locked out of the accounts for a while, guys. Is that intentional? It feels intentional. Oh, my

0:10:57 Eli: That's, I think that's close enough to the real one. Yeah, it's just my Venmo. Yeah.

0:10:59 Thomas: Oh, did he start his own? That's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:11:07 Eli: Thomas isn't bothering to get this one back, he's just like, okay, yeah, no, that one's all yours, buddy, enjoy. Shame on me. Yeah, uh, so yeah, get it all over there and fucking get it in, get it up like those sharks and the Old Man in the

0:11:09 Thomas: It's like fool me once kind of thing, like

0:11:22 Tom: God.

0:11:22 Eli: Sea. Rip into it. He stole his fish.

0:11:22 Thomas: Yeah.

0:11:29 Ad: [Ad break 1 — ad music]

0:11:30 Thomas: So I don't know if you're trying to continue saying whatever you're saying, if you want to get to the, do you want me to get to the other thing or now I ruined

0:11:35 Eli: Oh, okay. Well, now I've, now it's now my nuts all, yeah, my boner's all killed, my literary boner is killed. Thank you. That can, that be the new clothes, sorry about your dick, put it on the

0:11:41 Thomas: It, sorry about your dick. It's like the greeting card I sent you. Yeah, hey I wanted to talk about something, guys, because I saw these videos on, uh, Insta when I was scrolling and not reading books.

0:11:50 Tom: Is it Insta or the Gram? Which is it? Is it Insta or the Gram? Okay, I just want to know. Boo

0:11:58 Thomas: Uh, oh, I don't fucking care, man. I barely, I've, I've grown to know what Instagram is inadvertently. I used to not even understand it, but now everything is just TikTok or whatever. It's all collapsed into one thing because this is the short video. Yeah, it's just short video content, whatever. Yep, yep. I hate it.

0:12:09 Eli: Gram. It's all, yeah, the talk again And everything's a real talk something, you know. I've actually, I've dove in back in in a weird way, because I don't know if you guys, gentlemen, have seen, but over at Puzzle in a Thunderstorm we're exploring the world of video content.

0:12:25 Thomas: Yep, and it's not the OnlyFans kind that I want. It's some boring

0:12:28 Eli: It's not the only kind of gun, and so I obviously, being the most tech savvy of my company, really picture that I have set up the TikToks and the Instagrams and the YouTubes and stuff, which means I'm on these clean YouTube accounts, like with no algorithm to tell them what I'm like. And, uh, in case you're wondering, all of those websites when you first start out are like, uh, chick in a thong. Uh, you racist? No, not racist. Um,

0:12:41 Thomas: Shit. Wow.

0:12:55 Thomas: Okay. No, yeah.

0:12:58 Tom: They're like, they're like carnival barkers for like awful shit, like racism. Here, get your racism. Chick in a thong. Got a chick in a thong. Anyone want a chicken?

0:13:04 Thomas: Yeah, they're like the people outside of, like, concerts trying to sell tickets, kind of in a weird way

0:13:08 Eli: Yeah, noticed you put a bunch of atheism hashtags on a thing. Racist? You want some racism? What?

0:13:15 Thomas: They're, like, we're pretty sure. Yeah, I know you, you answered no, but.

0:13:19 Eli: About those Jubilee debates, you like those? I mean, and more importantly, who do you want to win those?

0:13:21 Thomas: Oh, God. Yeah. Oh boy. Jesus. Just keeps asking that one over and over. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

0:13:25 Tom: Thong. Yeah.

0:13:25 Eli: The right people or the wrong people? Because we got clips where it looks like either one wins. It's up to you. You racist? You watch this racist video, I'll show you another chick and a thong.

0:13:40 Thomas: Oh Boy. This is why we're being rude. Anyway. Oh yeah. Sorry.

0:13:40 Tom: Right.

0:13:40 Eli: You give me something, I give you something.

0:13:44 Eli: You want to get on to Gluck Talk?

0:13:44 Thomas: I have to talk. That's why, that's why he hasn't stopped. I was supposed to say something. Sorry, I saw these, these videos that I thought were delightful and funny. And then I started thinking about them. I was like, yes, they're comedy videos, but I do feel like there's a element of truth to them that I wanted to discuss with you gents about masculinity, because I don't know too much about it, but it seems like this guy and maybe his straight, like, brothers or something.

He has, there's two different straight guys. It's a, it's a gay man and then the straight brothers and his whole shtick is like, teach me how to do something straight, you know? And he's very flamboyantly gay in a kind of a stereotypical way that it's probably played up for comedy, but it's still very delightful and charming. I laugh at these quite a bit. I think they're great.

But it was interesting because it'll be like, oh, teach me how to like say hi like a straight guy or something, or knock on the door and say hi or something like that. And of course, he will do it his flamboyant way for comedy, and for maybe that's genuinely how he is one way or the other. And then the straight guy, and it's interesting when you notice the pattern, we just think about it.

Everything with the straight guy version of doing stuff is just really kind of soul crushing. It's just like, you know, the straight guy's version of waiting for somebody or something was one of them, and he's like, yeah, you just don't just sit here and just don't do anything, you know? It's like it's all, it's very much, yeah, yeah, yeah, no waving high enthusiastically. And after a while I was like, yes, this is comedy, but also it's kind of bumming me out. It's sort of true that a lot of, like, being a straight dude in society, at least it seems to me, that's why I want to run it by you guys.

But it does seem like a lot of it is just killing your enthusiasm, you know? Like every single different action, it was like, don't do that enthusiastically. It feels like it sort of boils down to. And I was just wondering if you thought there was any truth to that or if you think it's just kind of a comedy thing. What do you think?

0:14:57 Tom: No facial expressions, no acknowledging people around you.

0:15:33 Eli: It's weird because it's this weird balance between stoicism and rage, right? It's like, don't show any emotions unless it's this one absolutely terrible emotion that makes It makes the world worse in every demonstrable way. That's the one emotion that you should show at all times, and you are heroic if you do it.

0:15:38 Thomas: Hmm. Yeah.

0:15:47 Tom: Yeah, right. I was wondering when I was watching, because we talked about this, like, in our group chat, and I was was wondering if, like, that sort of performative aloofness is like a portrayal, like some kind of, like, weird signaling of, of like, independence. It's like, I'm so aloof, I'm så disconnected, I don't need to be, you know, that is how you know I am a fully independent entirely walled

0:16:07 Thomas: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah, actually, I want you something.

0:16:17 Tom: Off, you know, this man as an island, you

0:16:20 Thomas: One of them is I just want to do something right now. Now, everybody engaged in a mental experiment with me, I guess all straight dudes or straightish enough.

0:16:27 Eli: You hear that, women? Turn off the fucking pod.

0:16:30 Tom: Know, I mean.

0:16:30 Thomas: Yeah. If you were like going to wave at a friend at a distance, and there's the kind of the way that this guy does it, that again, I don't know if he's playing it up or not. Either way, he's very, well, you've recognized him and he's trying to find you.

0:16:41 Tom: I would send him a text message, but just

0:16:45 Thomas: You've sent the text that's like, hey, I'm over here and he is trying to actually see you.

0:16:46 Eli: I'm right behind you.

0:16:49 Thomas: And then, like, there's the way that this guy does it, which is waving enthusiastically, hi, really excited, kind of bouncy, you know, kind of thing. And then why is it, like, if you run that, through, run that, you know, experiment through your mind, straight dudes, why is that, it has to be like, yo, hey, you know, like, it like, why would you feel weird? Because it does feel weird, I think, to me at least, if you were to do like a big wave thing in that way that we typically associate with, like, being gay or or something like that. Why is that weird? Like, why is that the stereotype? It's really interesting.

0:16:50 Eli: Can't lift my arms.

0:16:52 Tom: Hit

0:17:22 Eli: Yeah.

0:17:23 Tom: Hit the nail on the head, that there is a, like, a like, it's weird to be too enthusiastic, like you cannot want the company of other people, you know, like, not that much, you know, like even the people that you've, like, expressly, like, gone out of your way to, like, make plans. And, like, you're sick. Okay. Well, what if he, what if he knows that I'm happy to see him, then, like, maybe he'll know I'm too happy to see him. Then I'll want to suck my dick or whatever.

0:17:28 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah.

0:17:47 Tom: Like, Like that's insane. Like, that is absolutely insane. And I, I do think at least to some degree, this is very generational. I think this is really, really generational. I don't see that same nonsense with younger people. I don't see that same concern. I don't see the same worry. Honestly, I do not really remember that to the same degree when I was a younger person. When I was young, I was unabashedly excited to see people. Then I think as you get older too, there is this idea that you have matured away from a certain amount of enthusiasm or visible excitement that it's like not really adult to be like excited about things in front of other people, you know, like you don't want, you got to always kind of hold back a little bit, make sure everybody knows that you're a grown-up, you've got your shit on lock, you're mature, you are not excited about

0:17:47 Thomas: Hmm.

0:17:57 Thomas: Interesting.

0:18:27 Thomas: Yeah.

0:18:43 Thomas: Yeah. It's weird.

0:18:43 Tom: Anything. And like, I don't know what that is, because I don't think that that was the case when I was a younger person. I know it wasn't. And I see my kids, and that is not the case for my kids at all, none of them, even like the boys, 19 and 20 year old boys, they are very happy to be enthusiastic.

0:18:58 Eli: They also haven't been disappointed by most of the people in their life yet, and I think that's a really formative experience, right, is that everybody turns out to be sort of a selfish flesh golem who you have to manipulate into the most human version of themselves at all times. And that can be a little tiring.

0:19:03 Thomas: Hmm. Mm -hmm.

0:19:12 Tom: Don't really, yeah, do

0:19:12 Thomas: Eli, your psychopathy is showing again. Don't do it.

0:19:22 Eli: Ah, damn it. I mean, bazinga.

0:19:25 Thomas: Psst.

0:19:25 Eli: What's my game? Shit.

0:19:26 Tom: Tell, I think of the same that level of, like, excitement, but I will say, like, that, like, adult containment is way more, I'm just thinking of professional environments, it is way more male than female. So like in July, every, everybody knows this, every, every July I got to go do this golfing thing for my work. Like, it's a professional environment. Like, it's everybody is there for work, but like, we're doing, like, fun things like golf, et cetera. And like, the women that don't see each other very often, that have like work work friendships, we'll like smile big smiles and like give each other a big effusive hug.

I'm like, oh my god, I haven't seen you in like two years, how have you been? They're like unabashedly excited to see each other, and like the guys all just walk up and shake hands like, we're just like, oh, hey, what's going on, Greg? Nice to see you, buddy. How you been? You know, great suit, you know. And it's not like that weird, like, it's not super toned down, like, I'll give some credit, people will like compliment each other, like, oh, it's great shoot, you know, great, great suit, you look great, you know, know how you've been, good, nice to see you. But there is like a calming down that's different from like men to women for sure. Yeah.

0:19:47 Thomas: Mm -mm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

0:20:18 Eli: What's going on?

0:20:35 Eli: Oh, yeah. Hey, this is a crazy question because I think I know the answer and I think it's crazy that the thought came into my head. Do the lady people golf too?

0:20:39 Thomas: Here we go.

0:20:44 Tom: About half to three quarters of them do, yeah, uh

0:20:45 Thomas: They don't employ women at Tom's company.

0:20:46 Eli: They're allowed. What do the other half do?

0:20:49 Thomas: They get fired.

0:20:50 Eli: And are the guys allowed? I would love to go to the spa.

0:20:50 Tom: They'll go to the spa. So last year, yeah. Yo, so it was great when I broke my neck last year because I couldn't golf, I got like three massages over the course of two days. It was awesome.

0:20:57 Thomas: Oh, you had an excuse to not golf. Oh, my God. Cut to Tom breaking his neck every fucking year. Oh, weird. July's rolling around.

0:21:08 Eli: Who's that coming?

0:21:08 Thomas: Tom's broken his neck again.

0:21:05 Tom: Something. It's So funny because I just, like, just this last week I got the, I got the invite for this actually, and I have to fill out the thing about what I'm gonna do and how many, because they have to account for everybody on the course or, you know, the spa or whatever, and I was like, I'll be golfing, click, I'll make, no, no, they ask about it and I don't, I forget to lie, you know, I'm bad about that kind of

0:21:23 Thomas: No, you could have said my neck is still. Yeah. They make you send in your medical records. It's like Tom Conchie is just objecting. He's like cutting his finger off and shit to try to get out.

0:21:24 Eli: Up. No, they'll fire him. Show us the x-ray. Yeah, okay, the next broken again gun

0:21:36 Tom: Thing. So I'm like, oh no, yeah. So Yeah, but honestly it was the best year ever because I just, like, I went, I got, like, just spa treatments for two days, like when I wasn't doing work stuff. I'm, this is great, like, this is awesome, I like this way better. So, but yeah, this year I'll be, uh, I'll b Eli, wait a minute, hold on a second, didn't you go golfing recently? Oh my god, I saw this from, from the chat, I saw this in the group chat. I cannot believe this is not the first and only thing I asked about. Please put the rest of the show on hold. Eli Bosnick, tell me about this. This is all I care about, right?

0:21:42 Eli: I went Golfing? Yes, I told you guys this on the

0:22:03 Thomas: Wait, wait, wait. Wait, what? Why did you go golfing?

0:22:11 Thomas: Yeah, I totally forgot. Sure. Why didyou go golf?

0:22:17 Eli: Chat. So buddy of mine had a birthday and he was like, hey man, I really want you to come to my

0:22:22 Thomas: I could make you golf for my birthday, maybe.

0:22:25 Tom: Now, Thomas, I love you. You commented on this in the thread, by the way, if you go back and find this. Yeah.

0:22:28 Eli: Birthday. Yeah.

0:22:28 Thomas: Oh, no, I did. I still I know. No, I wasn't surprised by that. First off, the audience is not in our thread. So I try to present that, you know, we're doing a show. Secondly, I sort of thought Eli was joking. Like, I actually, I still don't, you know what I mean? Like, do you, I didn't actually believe that he golfed. Yeah.

0:22:37 Eli: No. So

0:22:39 Tom: All that matters right now is Eli on the golf course, is all I care about right now.

0:22:54 Ad: [Ad break 2 — ad music]

0:22:56 Eli: My buddy was like, hey man, um, we're golfing for my birthday and I'd really love you to be there. I want you to meet my friends. My brother's coming from out of town, who you've met. We golf, we take it serious.

0:23:07 Tom: Oh, they take it serious. Oh.

0:23:07 Thomas: And you take it serious and they want to, why would they ask you?

0:23:10 Eli: Come golf with us.

0:23:10 Tom: And they take it serious when we take it serious.

0:23:10 Thomas: Why would they asked you if they take it seriously? Wow.

0:23:13 Eli: And I hate a moment where I have to be a human being, so I sort of took off all my masks and then, you know, moved to the dead body underneath. And I I, was like, "Hey, um, I think I'm probably pretty bad at it and I'll slow you down." And he was like, "Oh, that's not a problem. People just play through." And I was, like, "I don't know what that means." And he, was, "The point is people aren't great golfers at this thing. We're all just going to have a good time. But, like, I want you to be there and I want, you to golf with us. I don ,t want you, to do the thing."

0:23:29 Thomas: Oh God.

0:23:38 Thomas: Jesus.

0:23:38 Eli: And I, was like okay. And he ,was, like because we're going to burp to burr. And I ,was ,like I don ,know what that is. And he .was ,like it's a very, very fancy golf course in Atlantic City. And I .was , like man Atlantic City is, like six hours away. And he. Like it sure is. So we drive down to Atlantic city. We go to this very, very fancy golf course. Our tea time, our tea time is 9am.

0:24:01 Thomas: Wow. That's a really good one. Cause the fancy courses you usually have to like pay or get in advance to like get that kind of a good tee time.

0:24:03 Eli: Yeah, no, no. This is a fancy. So sorry. I should explain. This friend is very rich. This friend has extremely rich tea times.

0:24:11 Thomas: Wow. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's a heck of a tea time. Yeah.

0:24:18 Eli: 9am. Everyone has a caddy.

0:24:21 Thomas: Oh, wow.

0:24:22 Tom: Oh, like a person caddy.

0:24:22 Eli: Me, me included, like, a guy.

0:24:24 Thomas: Here's a question. Is it a course where you're required to have a caddy? Is it that fancy?

0:24:29 Eli: Uh, I don't know. They gave me one. I don't, I didn't try to do, I didn't try to dismiss him. I, I assumed that if I said you can't, they would kill him. That's what I assumed. There was a

0:24:31 Thomas: Yeah, it might have been. Wow.

0:24:33 Tom: Did you get to keep them later? Is it like it's like

0:24:35 Thomas: Can you tell me the name of this course?

0:24:42 Thomas: I think the only difference I'm trying to get at is if your rich friend like arranged that or if it's like, well, as part of the course, you got to do this kind of thing. Okay. All right. So I'm just wondering. Is it one of Trump's courses?

0:24:49 Eli: Big Uh, I was trying to look up the name of the course. Yeah. Mar-a-Lago. No.

0:24:57 Tom: Mar -a

0:24:58 Thomas: Yeah. Doral or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, that's all right.

0:25:01 Eli: It's, it was, it was a nice one and I don't fucking know. And so we, we get a caddy and I was like, "Oh, I don't have any clubs. I'll just go hang out in the house." And they were like, "We got you clubs." And I was like, ah, fucking damn it. And THEY WERE LIKE, DON'T WORRY. THIS GUY IS ALSO A TEACHER. And I WAS LIKE, WHAT?

0:25:19 Eli: And they WERE like, yeah, your caddy is also one of our instructors. So he'S basically going to teach you the basics of golf. Uh, and he WAS LIKE SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. IT MEANS I GET TO PLAY AROUND WITH YOU GUYS. And EVERYBODY LAUGHS. AND I WAS I was like, ha ha ha, whatever that means. Fuck yeah. We'll kill it, right? I don't know. I don' t know. But he's an older guy. The other thing is, too, when someone's older than me in a servant role, and they don't like it when you say that,

0:25:10 Thomas: Oh, my God. Oh, what the fuck is happening right now? Yeah.

0:25:46 Tom: -Lago servant rule.

0:25:46 Eli: But Caddy feels servant. And there's nothing you can say. So when there's a guy who's older that me in servant role I feel bad. And So he was like, yeah, don't worry man, I'm going to walk you through everything. Thing and can I say it was lovely, everyone got a cart. We all got a car and I knew that. Uh-huh. Cart and a caddy, and they had pre-set all the food and snacks and stuff. There was like a roaming charcuterie

0:25:51 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, me too.

0:26:06 Tom: You Got your own cart?

0:26:05 Thomas: Oh, a cart with a caddy. Okay. Sorry, what were the caddies doing? Because the caddy carries your clubs. That's why you have a caddie. They could, yeah, but, but I mean, but yeah, that's the pros. I mean, like, why did, okay, never mind. I'm sorry, I'm getting too into golf here. Yeah, okay. So they drive you around, there, you have a chauffeur. Got it. Yeah.

0:26:19 Eli: Mm-hmm. Yeah, he helped me pick the clubs.

0:26:21 Tom: Well, they help you pick the club, right? So you don't

0:26:28 Eli: I don't fucking know. He was standing, well, he drove the cart, to be fair. He drove it. He drove as a little, uh-uh, yeah, because, cause I was eating and everyone else, to be fair. Yeah.

0:26:36 Tom: And I'm sure he helped you figure out what they, because if he's like a pro and he's giving you tips, he's like, okay, use the fucking seven of hearts or whatever.

0:26:41 Thomas: Yeah, but

0:26:41 Eli: Everyone else to be clear was also drinking and

0:26:43 Thomas: What? Yeah, but once you see Eli hit once, it's gonna be like, use any club, it doesn't matter. Like, literally doesn't matter.

0:26:48 Tom: Yeah, how'd you do? How was it? Wait, a, it, did you hate

0:26:48 Eli: Do whatever the fuck you want. It was fine. It was fine. So he was like, okay, so you like know nothing about golf. And I was like, I think I've swung a golf club not at someone's head twice in my life. And he was like, got it. Why did you swing a golf club at someone? Said, and I was like, another day, my friend. And so we, we talked through it, and then he taught me to drive, which was actually surprisingly fun once I got it.

He was like, hey, they're gonna go play the first couple of holes, don't fucking worry about that, they're going to take their time, they're to play the game of golf, which is actually pretty slow. You come with me, we're gonna learn how to drive. And I was like, oh, all right, are we gonna fuck? And we didn't fuck. He did, yeah. He, he taught me how to driving, drove the thing, and he was, all right, we'll do the thing. He was, let me, let me call us ahead, see who's playing ahead of you, because I don't want you to have to join the guys right away. Let me see if anyone's there. He was

0:27:06 Thomas: Nice.

0:27:23 Thomas: Oh, that sounds fucking awesome. I would love this. Why do you, this golf is wasted on you two fucking assholes. God damn it. I love to golf. Never have time.

0:27:44 Thomas: This, this person rules.

0:27:43 Eli: Like there's a team there and we'll, we'll see if they, you can join them. So we walk up and there are a bunch of people, everybody knows him, and I'm like, this is weird, why does everybody know my servant?

0:27:57 Thomas: Oh my God. It's Fred couples. Yeah.

0:27:57 Eli: That's my, it's my servant. Don't know him. Turns out he's a former professional golfer, like a pretty well-known one, and when they said he was the course pro, I just thought they meant like, yeah

0:28:04 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. Oh no. Yeah that means an actual pro.

0:28:12 Eli: I thought that just was like, he's the pro, you know, like When, when you say like, he's a real pro

0:28:17 Tom: It, that's Awesome.

0:28:15 Thomas: No, you got You were golfing with the pro of the course that's a fancy course? What the fuck is happening? Who is this friend of yours? God damn it.

0:28:23 Tom: I love that, this is like such a, like a loved, like Thomas is just fucking having a fit about how much he would love to do this, right?

0:28:31 Eli: Yeah

0:28:30 Thomas: Yeah. It's not even easy to get to golf with the bro of a course of a shitty course. It's like probably going to cost you money. Well, quite a bit of money. For a course like that? What was his name? Who is it?

0:28:42 Eli: Fucking, I try to remember. He entered

0:28:44 Thomas: You never learn the name of the help. I get it.

0:28:46 Eli: So he introduced himself at the beginning and I was like, oh yeah, and then it flew away and I was like, fuck. And so I just kept being like, what's up, king? What's

0:28:53 Thomas: God damnit. How old are we talking? What age range?

0:28:56 Tom: Now, oh My God.

0:28:56 Eli: A big dog. 60s.

0:28:58 Thomas: It could have been Fred Couples. I said Fred Couple. It might have been Fed Couple!

0:28:59 Eli: Might have been Fred Couples. He was very, very cool. He was a cool dude. And so he was like, this is my friend Eli. He's going to play with us. He's just doing his first drive on a professional cars. And everybody's like, well, you picked the right course to do it.

0:29:02 Tom: I don't know Fred.

0:29:02 Thomas: No, not really, but now you'd remember if it's, what the fuck, dude? Yeah.

0:29:13 Eli: And everyone's like do you know what course you're on? And I was like I have no idea where I am. I'm exhausted. I can't.

0:29:13 Thomas: I You were like, no, I won't even be able to say it to my golf-loving friend later, fuck you, asshole.

0:29:20 Eli: I don't remember it. And then I'm going to text my friend at the beginning of the podcast. He is not going to respond to tell me what course he was on. God damn it. So I was was like, okay, shoot the thing. I hit the ball and it actually goes good It went out into the golf course and everybody, yeah

0:29:20 Tom: Couples, really?

0:29:28 Thomas: Jesus Christ. Wow.

0:29:36 Tom: Oh, you're a million times better than I.

0:29:38 Thomas: That's awesome. Well, you have like a PGA golfer helping you. That's awesome.

0:29:43 Eli: And everybody was like, hey, that's a fucking hell of a drive for your first time. They were like, you should really take this up. And so I didn't know there was food and drinks yet And I was like, all right, cool. So he's like, now we go drive to your ball and then we'll catch up with our friends. And I was like, yeah, I should probably catch up with my friend, it's his birthday. He was like, yeah, you're probably hungry too, right? And I was like, what? So I get there and there's a lunch buffet halfway on the course.

0:29:52 Thomas: Hmm.

0:30:05 Thomas: What? Okay, that's not normal. That's not normal. Yeah.

0:30:09 Tom: Am, okay, I've, I thought I went to some okay nice courses like that.

0:30:13 Thomas: This is, yeah, I don't know what the fuck. Who's your fucking friend, Elon Musk or something? Yeah.

0:30:13 Tom: Is ridiculous, you

0:30:17 Eli: So It's Elon Musk. It's my close personal friend, Elon Musk. So we go, we get about halfway there and he's like, yeah, no, they're about to eat. And they have set up a tent to the side of the course and there is like a big dining room table and a buffet and my buddies are already eating and drinking and we sit down and we eat and, okay

0:30:24 Thomas: What? What the fuck is happening?

0:30:38 Thomas: What? Like the third hole? That's not golf. That's actually not. So just so you know, that's not a golf thing at all. I don't know what the fuck that is. I've never heard of that. Yeah.

0:30:41 Tom: Had a sit-down lunch in the middle of, like, the third hole?

0:30:48 Eli: I have no idea what anything is, and I was like, fuck, I would call favorite. So I was literally about to say, if someone had told me you get lunch whatever percentage of the way through I'd have fucking been in. It's good. So Then

0:30:58 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, you don't. Yeah

0:31:01 Tom: No, you just get a sunburn. That's all you get is a

0:31:02 Eli: So then they're like, hey, we're doing a little bit of the pro tourney here, the something something Cup. Do Do you guys want to come watch? And I'm like, other people golfing that isn't me, except for that one hit I did that's good. Let's do it. We drive. They take us to this thing. There's security.

0:31:10 Thomas: Oh fuck you.

0:31:24 Eli: All of a sudden, there's security, and my guy, the pro, is like, hey, they're with me, and they're like, oh, okay.

0:31:19 Thomas: What is happening. Yeah Jesus fucking Christ.

0:31:31 Tom: Sunburnt. I don't count. All I love is how much this hurts you, Thomas, that's I

0:31:34 Eli: We drive, who

0:31:37 Thomas: What I just love that he doesn't even know any of what it is. I'm so this is, so this wasn't, we're going to play golf. This is like some sort of like event thing that's happening. Is this like fantasy camp for golf? Like you go and play before the tournament. Yeah.

0:31:47 Eli: Fucking knows? Again, as far as I know, is for golf. Yeah, Jack Nicholas comes out and he's like, I'm your dad now. Yeah, so we go and they drive us. Okay, the way I can describe it is they're on one side is the audience to the golf and a bunch of cameras and everyone's watching the golf and he drives us to the other side where I think the fucking golfers are, because there's like four people. And he introduces us around and my friends are all very excited. They're all like, oh my God, it's so nice to meet you. And I'm like, what's up? You look like me. We're in about the same physical shape. Nice to meet ya.

0:32:08 Thomas: Yeah, Oh, my fucking God.

0:32:28 Tom: Love. Hello, we're all athletes.

0:32:30 Thomas: Wow, there's, there are no golfers like that. So nevermind, this is a trick. Golfers are like ripped now.

0:32:35 Eli: Oh, are they? Not my golfers.

0:32:36 Thomas: They're, they work out really really hard. The best ones are like pretty, pretty, uh, pretty good athletes now. So maybe, was it a senior event? Not like, like actually it could have been a senior PGA event. Yeah, that might've been it.

0:32:40 Eli: Well, I did not get the best golfers, let me tell you that.

0:32:46 Eli: Fuck if I know. Literally fuck if I know. But he keeps introducing himself as my caddy and everybody keeps being like, ha ha ha, Ah, you got quite a caddy there. And I'm like, I don't fucking think this guy, maybe people just really like him. He drops the quarter real good or something. So we, we, I dunno. I have no idea why they're wasting it. So we play for the afternoon. We eat, we drink. There's, okay. Are there bar stops? Okay.

0:32:54 Thomas: Yeah. You fucking asshole. Why did they waste this on you? Why? Oh my God.

0:33:06 Tom: Here, I love that this is wasted on you so much. This is my favorite thing in the world.

0:33:16 Thomas: No, there's normal golf. Okay. Normal golf. There's a cart lady. Yeah? There's a girl who drives a cart around and she gets sexually harassed and then they tip her and then you buy beers and then

0:33:17 Tom: Bar stops? No, there's usually a girl driving a car around. Yeah.

0:33:27 Eli: Okay.

0:33:27 Thomas: Somebody drinks too many beers and it's fucking weird and annoying. And then another guy, they drink so many and then they try to get you to drink beers. But you're like, I will pass out if I drink five beers in the middle of the 100 degree California heat. What are you doing? And then that's golf.

0:33:35 Eli: Okay, our

0:33:40 Tom: Yeah, it

0:33:47 Ad: [Ad break 3 — ad music]

0:33:49 Eli: Course had carts that people drove around, but they were like bars, like little mini

0:33:56 Thomas: Well, it is kind of that.

0:33:57 Tom: Is, yeah, yeah.

0:33:57 Eli: Bars. Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah.

0:33:57 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. But there's like one of those, but it's probably not as fancy as whatever you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. What a faux pas. Yeah?

0:34:02 Eli: Nobody's actually harassed any of the people who came by. I felt maybe I should have, maybe that was rude, like you're supposed to tip bellboys, right? And she was driving away, she was like, gay They sent me next to a guy, one next, and they were like, okay, fucking grab his ass He's trying to do some golf here, but we did, we did that, and they kept making me virgin Shirley Temples, and what was crazy, I wanted to know if this was a thing, apparently no, you can get a dirty Shirly, get a derly Shirling, is everyone in the next cart knew my

0:34:14 Thomas: Links it back to the topic of the show. Oh

0:34:28 Tom: Is it Aren't all Shirley Temples virgin? I sure

0:34:28 Thomas: My fucking God, yeah. What?

0:34:36 Eli: Order, so they'd be like, you're my Shirle Temple, and I'd be like, what do you mean you're my, why, what communication system are you using?

0:34:43 Tom: Am

0:34:43 Thomas: This is, wow, that is extremely fancy stuff, that's, uh, and it also, it would stick out that you're the one asshole who's being you, but, but yes.

0:34:53 Eli: I was being the Shirley Temple guy, and so we drove, we finished the golf. They kept score. I hit the ball. And then he would, can I say something to my non-sportos who are listening to this, who might consider golfing sometime? Golf is really fun. And I will tell you why. Golf is unlike any other sport. Whenever I've tried other sports, I've been like, and they've been like, oh man, you're bad at that. And I've been, like, okay, well, how do I get better? And they're, like fucking start when you were three idiot. And so I'm just like, oh, I'm sorry. And they're like, yeah, maybe something naturally about you is less masculine or broken. And I'm like, Oh, that's crazy. It's crazy that that's sort of the universally agreed problem. And with golf, they're, like, uh-uh, your elbow went too far forward. And you're, like, I can keep my elbow back. And it works every time.

0:35:18 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

0:35:35 Thomas: Oh man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah for,

0:35:46 Eli: Every time if you do the thing. Something else goes wrong. But it's a correction thing, right? It doesn't feel like sports in that you're not just bad at golf. You see the way in which you get good at golf, maybe I'm a natural gifted golfer.

0:35:46 Tom: Oh

0:35:46 Thomas: For about five swings and then something else goes wrong. And yeah, no, that is kind of why everybody golfs.

0:35:58 Tom: Yeah, no, hard pass. Yeah, no, dis, strong disagree.

0:35:59 Thomas: Well, there are plenty of people who are just bad at golf, but yeah, you might be a natural man, but usually what happens with golf is everybody like thinks they fix their swing and then two swings later, it sucks again. And, you know, it's like this constant process of like trying to fix your swing and then thinking, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fucking rules. You had the most, you had like someone died and gone to heaven for a golf experience. And you're like, yeah you know? I can see golfing. You had like some, so your friend is like, dude, if you go to real golf, you're going to be like, what was happening? Happening, like there's no, this is, this was a some sort of event happening where they did like a fantasy camp for adults, or your friend is so rich that they're, this is like beyond rich, I don't even know what this would be if this was personal. Sure.

0:36:15 Eli: Yeah, exactly, I was trying to fix it and doing the thing, but it was fun. It was never like, oh man, you suck at golf! It was like, the second time I golf, I'm going to have real golf and I'm gonna be like, this fucking sucks!

0:36:28 Tom: I love this so

0:36:49 Eli: Okay, well, so here's the wrapper of the thing. So we go back to the clubhouse and they bring us upstairs and they're like, do you want to check out the trophy room? And I'm like, yeah, I like big, shiny fucking trophies. Why not? I'll take a look at them. And they show me now I have I have to clarify because we on this podcast are aware that he was a professional golfer, that he was a pro in the, I still don't know. I was like, everybody loves my caddy. He's a cool dude with sick connections that gets me into that side of the golf tournament as opposed to this one. But I have no reason to believe that my golf caddy is a professional golfer. And so they show me, first of all, golf trophies are fucking huge.

0:37:02 Thomas: Oh You still didn't know it this time? Oh wow, well Yeah

0:37:37 Eli: I, they're giant and they're, the room is full of them, right? Right. I'm expecting like six trophies and for them to be like the fucking gobble gobble cup was here. There's like dozens, dozens, multiple dozens of trophies here. And they bring me over to this thing and they're like, these are all of his.

0:37:37 Tom: Much Of your caddies, goddamn. I know, I know. You could get a caddy a trophy for being a caddie. He must be really good at it.

0:37:54 Thomas: Jesus fucking Christ, yeah, best caddy, it's a guy carrying the bag. Oh my God, and he probably thought it was the funniest thing he's ever

0:37:59 Eli: And I go, OK, Tom, you joke. That's literally what I said. I said, for being a caddy. He did. He laughed his ass off. He was like, yep. And I won all these trophies for being the caddy, really

0:38:13 Thomas: Oh

0:38:13 Tom: I'm an amazing caddy, I love it.

0:38:13 Eli: Good caddy. And I was like, yeah, yeah.

0:38:13 Thomas: My God, that must have been so, was so, was there laughter the whole time you were there?

0:38:21 Eli: Yeah.

0:38:22 Tom: Just follows Eli around, though. Yeah.

0:38:22 Thomas: Because like this was like a bit, like they set up a, and it's not like personal to you, it's like set up the bit of imagine the person who doesn't know shit about this getting the best golf experience with a professional being his caddy. Was this a reality show? It was like a prank show, because it's like that level of thing that just happened to you. Yeah, actually for real, but did you sign a release after?

0:38:40 Tom: Did somebody jump out with a hidden camera? You had a good

0:38:44 Eli: That's maybe, that's what it was. Anyways, so we had a fucking great time.

0:38:50 Thomas: Yeah, I

0:38:50 Tom: Time. Yeah, and if golf was an ultra luxury professionally adjacent Jason. Yeah.

0:38:50 Eli: And then everybody took pictures with my caddy, and as everyone is lining up to take pictures with my caddy, I'm like, I think that guy's more than just a caddy.

0:39:11 Eli: I think he might have done some actual golfing and maybe I thought he was just a really, and it was like, I was living in a, you know how there's that moment in a thriller where like all the pieces come together? For me, all the pieces of the movie and all the places come together where everyone was being really nice. Because the thing I kept thinking over and over again, I was like I'm going to talk to the boys about this, is like people Actually treat caddies really well. I always imagine people treating caddies kind of badly, but everyone's Like super respectful and really nice, like treating the caddies really well, and I realized now that I was probably with a

0:39:09 Tom: Oh, my God. It's fucking great.

0:39:12 Thomas: Bet. Oh wow. Oh My God, no.

0:39:42 Thomas: Oh

0:39:42 Eli: Famous person who I just didn't recognize at all. Okay.

0:39:43 Tom: Oh my God,

0:39:43 Thomas: My fucking God, Jesus Christ Why did we? Yeah we should have just done that as the episode, but yeah, sure. Fucking A. What is the name of any of that?

0:39:51 Tom: You Got to figure out where you went, man

0:39:56 Thomas: So you're saying it was in Atlantic City? There's nothing in Atlantic city. What the hell? Was it in Atlantic City or near?

0:40:01 Eli: So I Don't fucking know. I have an answer. Are you gentlemen ready? And I have the name of my caddy too, which is very exciting. All right, so the Atlantic City Country Club in northfield is where we were

0:40:04 Thomas: Huh? Oh yeah. Okay. Oh God. Here we go.

0:40:06 Tom: Yeah oh okay

0:40:15 Thomas: Oh, Atlantic City Country Club. Okay, so it's a private course. Yeah. Private as hell. Rich people course. Barry.

0:40:21 Eli: Yeah and the guy barry I remembered his name actually was Barry E. Shoewalter, PGA yeah s

0:40:29 Thomas: Barry E. Shoewalter. Okay. I don't know that one. I don't know. Shoo Walter or show Walter. Oh.

0:40:38 Eli: -h -e -w -a -l -t -e r

0:40:41 Thomas: Okay. Well, at least I've never heard of that guy. So that makes me feel better. And I've watched a lot of golf. I don't know who that is.

0:40:44 Eli: Okay well uh he was very nice he's a cool

0:40:48 Thomas: That literally, like Google doesn't, that's like doesn't exist. Is somebody pranking you? What? Yeah. Why the fuck is that not coming up?

0:40:52 Eli: Dude, nice. Maybe that's what he said—Barry Show

0:40:55 Tom: Huh like he shows up on linkedin Atlantic City Country Club pga professional golf management northfield new

0:41:01 Eli: Walter, yeah, and he was a bartender at Chickie and Pete's, apparently. No

0:41:06 Tom: Jersey. Now what needs to happen: all I care about now, and I need this to happen, I need you to go and have a regular golf experience so you can feel like an absolute crazy person, like on the third hole looking for a charcuterie board or

0:41:17 Thomas: Yeah.

0:41:17 Eli: This sounds terrible I was so ready until this podcast to tell you guys, like, hey, and I want to say I was wrong about golfing, but it turns out I was right about golfing sucks.

0:41:35 Thomas: Wow. This is, sorry, I'm just trying to look this up now because I don't know who this is.

0:41:40 Eli: I don't know, but he was cool, and so was his club. If you see Barry, tell him I said hi. He did say he was gonna listen to my podcast, and I told him not to. I was like, "Barry, don't do that to you," and he was like, "Ah, I swear like a sailor too," and I was like, "Man, I cannot describe to you that that is not what it is."

0:41:45 Tom: Whatever Oh my

0:41:49 Thomas: Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa.

0:42:00 Thomas: You golfed, you golfed at Atlantic City Country Club is a historically significant course established in 1897 and often marketed as the birthplace of the birdie. Huh? Okay. This must be a very, very, uh, legendary course here. Wow. This is crazy.

0:42:02 Tom: God Huh Good for you though.

0:42:10 Eli: Barry, yeah, I

0:42:18 Thomas: Yeah. So what'd you shoot?

0:42:18 Tom: Man, like, hell yeah, hell yeah. Did you even keep score? Nah, fuck keeping

0:42:23 Eli: Did not keep score. I said, like, "Don't I keep score?" And he was like, "Don't keep score, you're gonna ruin your time. Just, like, don't worry about it, just hit the ball, we'll talk about how you can do better." And then he was like, "You should really keep this up," and I was like, "Never again, Barry. Goodbye forever. Please don't listen to my podcast, I'm sorry." I thought you were a servant, you're supposed to tip him, right? You're supposed to tip him. God damn it! Ah

0:42:28 Tom: Score

0:42:29 Thomas: Yeah, no, no. It's not. You shouldn't keep starting that.

0:42:38 Thomas: Wow, huh? That is so fucking funny. You wouldn't tip the course pro.

0:42:49 Tom: Yeah, you don't tip the course

0:42:51 Thomas: I mean, I look in that situation. I wouldn't think so, but that's just me. I don't know. Okay. What was his reaction?

0:42:55 Eli: I tipped him a hundred bucks I could. I didn't. I had no fucking idea uh very polite but he was

0:43:02 Tom: Pro did he wipe his ass with it in front of you or yeah, right?

0:43:03 Thomas: Yeah.

0:43:03 Eli: Classy. He's a classy dude, he could have, maybe he did, but Barry was awesome. I love you, Barry, if you're listening.

0:43:08 Thomas: Okay. So he wasn't actually a pro. He is a pro, but he wasn't like a PGA Tour player. I'm seeing. Okay. Okay. That's weird. It must be like course championships or something because I'm looking everywhere and he's, yeah, Yeah.

0:43:13 Eli: I don't fucking know, he had a bunch of trophies. If he wasn't a pro, he had a bunch of fucking trophies.

0:43:22 Tom: Well, I'll tell you what I learned as an adult: that you can just go to the store and buy a

0:43:27 Thomas: Buy trophies. Yeah.

0:43:27 Eli: God, what a weird entrapment that would have been if that just at the end they bring you to a room

0:43:27 Tom: Trophy like that. I'll say what, like, I was like maybe 30 when I figured out that you could just buy a Trophy. Nobody checks to see if you earned a trophy for anything, they just sell trophies, because that's the things you buy. And I was like, I should get a trophy for something. I've never had one, and I'm going to want one.

0:43:50 Eli: I'll get you a trophy.

0:43:50 Tom: So I was, I'm buying myself a fucking trophy.

0:43:53 Clip: DEAR OLD DAD

0:43:59 Eli: All right, gentlemen, before we go, I've decided to quit my job as a professional trainer because the weights are too heavy, so I handed in my two-week notice.

0:44:13 Tom: So

0:44:13 Thomas: I love that.

0:44:59 Eli: He's like, fish! You racist?

0:45:05 Thomas: Eli, your psychopathy is showing again. Don't do it.

0:45:09 Tom: It was great when I broke my neck last year.

0:45:12 Thomas: Sorry about your dick.

0:45:14 Eli: You racist?!