DOD215: What If Your Partner Won't Enable Location Sharing

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad, that's my thing I know now what I can offer you that no one else can Complete and under-dependent I'm a man, I'm sensitive I need to feel loved, I need part of being a father that I enjoy

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that knows exactly where you are. I'm Tom Curry. I'm joined, as always, by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:34 Thomas: We weren't supposed to tell them about the geotracking that we have installed on all of their phones, man.

0:00:43 Eli: On everyone's phone.

0:00:43 Thomas: Come on. Take it again.

0:00:45 Tom: Every listener gets a free Apple tag for a reason. Like, it's a free Apple tag. Connect it right, yeah.

0:00:49 Thomas: Dude, you know what's funny? I was in the plane the other day and my iPhone, I think it was because we were taxiing for, you know how on normal flights now you taxi for three, four hours just to start. It's just a little bit of a warmup. Like the plane's like, ah, I gotta stretch my wheels, you know, like, and just moseys for, and it's always like just another minute. We're just gotta fucking, someone forgot to put the wings on the plane we just yeah yeah fourth in line there's one one every calendar year so anytime anyway my phone I think because that happened for so long my phone was like hey hold on shh be cool there's an apple tag following you like it gave me an alert that was like for real it was like there's and I

0:00:59 Eli: Yeah, 11 teen minutes, yeah. Mm -hmm. Looks like we're about fourth in the line here. We're just gonna burp, burp burp. Yeah.

0:01:27 Tom: You'd be like, I suspect there's a lot of Apple tags on this airplane right now. Yeah.

0:01:30 Thomas: Was like how has this never happened to me before but I guess it must be because of the insane taxiing you know because like I think what you're in the

0:01:37 Eli: Yeah, because you're moving. They assume someone's throwing. Because people like, and I don't know what part of this is Facebook memes that represent Tom's psyche and what part this is real. But there is like stuff that's people that are like, oh, they throw an Apple tag into your trunk and then they follow you home and they kidnap you.

0:01:52 Thomas: Air sounds nice

0:01:47 Tom: Well, that is why they had to put the feature in there that alerts you.

0:01:56 Thomas: I would love someone to go through that effort you know

0:01:58 Eli: And they make a little snitch noise too now

0:02:01 Tom: Yeah, right yeah because people were using them to stalk each other like that's like immediately like a pro stalking technology yeah

0:02:03 Thomas: And you can't even like break their legs

0:02:07 Eli: Yeah I'm ahead of it though max has a million apple tags in various places on his body at all times sometimes I will walk up to him and they'll just all go off at once and I'll be like what's that and I'd be like nothing don't worry about it my friend it's just your it's just your backpack your shoes your coat and your fucking

0:02:13 Tom: Sewn under his

0:02:14 Thomas: Either I hope

0:02:19 Tom: Skin so yeah it's fine it's fine it is all fine

0:02:25 Thomas: Someday we go on a trip to disneyland or something together and then like as the plane's taxiing it's like you have a billion apple tags following you

0:02:32 Eli: Flesh tags following you yes you do

0:02:34 Thomas: But what was funny is it gave me the option is like do you want to turn it off I was like what the fuck does it just let you so the thing was here I was just being a good person I was like no I'm not gonna do that because clearly this is a mistake and then I realized oh I'm in a plane of a thousand people like obviously someone will do it like there's no way there's a way that guy whoever was apple tag didn't get shut off like it's

0:02:55 Tom: On the same subject to the apple tags let me ask you guys a quick question at what age because it's just

0:02:59 Eli: How do you get them off the apple because I cut that thing every way it's just it's just a fruit

0:03:00 Thomas: Impossible Tom

0:03:02 Tom: No the tag is just a little sticker you peel off, and it's got a four -door.

0:03:09 Thomas: Eats the sticker that's on the apple 100 it's fiber

0:03:11 Eli: I wait till I get the H and then I twist real hard

0:03:16 Tom: This just came up the other day with Aislinn, where one of her friends invited her to go to Cedar Point. Now, we don't live anywhere near Cedar point. Cedar Point's like an amusement park that is a seven -hour drive from us. That's like a whole weekend. It's like a long time. So it's a seven hour drive there. It is obviously seven hour drives back. It's a whole -weekend thing. And we're fairly certain that the parent is not a supervisory parent right Aislinn's 14 so our response was like well no like that's not a thing and we we think this because last time we took the kids to like the local county fair or whatever you know like the rides and all that kind of bullshit her friend was like really perplexed that we would not just let the at this time 13 year old kids just off leash to return at some time given later educator

0:03:30 Thomas: That's a long time this is little weird that you have hazelnut on a leash but I get it. I get the point.

0:04:09 Tom: Uh yeah but at what point do you stop yeah a little little kid about a 13 year old kid yeah yeah but like at what point do you let kids off into crowded spaces like that I'm just thinking like the air tag because like I'll tell you what it's not for the curry household it's not fucking 14 for a 14 year old kid that is not a thing like we're like abso-fucking-lutely not

0:04:11 Eli: Connected to the backpack yeah the bear yeah

0:04:30 Thomas: Interesting. In a fairground situation where you know it's all fenced off, you know, right?

0:04:36 Tom: Well it'snot

0:04:37 Eli: It's not that fan stuff mm

0:04:37 Tom: That fenced off I mean like no it it'snothenced off in a meaningful way no No, no.

0:04:37 Thomas: I mean, really? Okay. What?

0:04:42 Tom: What?

0:04:42 Thomas: That's literally how they make sure people don't just go in for free. Like, is that?

0:04:46 Tom: It's free to go to the fair. You just pay for the rides as you go to the rides.

0:04:47 Thomas: Oh, okay. Well, mine wasn't. How was the fair in my shit town USA not free? Like it was like, it costs money.

0:04:54 Tom: Well, no, like the, you go to the fair for free, but then all the stuff in the fair costs money. So like you can attend. So like the fair itself. Yeah, right.

0:04:59 Thomas: Oh, Okay. Well we didn't have that. Ours was locked down so that's that never mind that

0:05:03 Tom: But like Six Flags is a good, like Six Flags is where, or Cedar Point is where they want to go. That's all locked down, but it's miles long big. A place like that is unbelievably massive and it's filled with tens of thousands of strangers. And the idea of like just turning a 14-year-old kid loose is just a hard no for me like that's just like there's like fucking no way am I doing that there's no fucking way obviously other parents do you know because like they were disappointed that we said no to to Aislinn so I'm just kind of

0:05:31 Eli: Yeah but the other parents are on the news being like Aislinn if you're out there know that mommy and daddy love you it's always weird when they open with know that Mommy and Daddy love you right because it's like well would we be in this scenario if Mommy and daddy loved you.

0:05:36 Tom: Curious yeah

0:05:46 Eli: You know what I'm saying? Like maybe if mommy and daddy got an air tag and understood that people can walk in and out of a fair, we wouldn't be talking to News 7.

0:05:46 Tom: When

0:05:53 Thomas: But when the whole fair ground taxis together and then they turn it off that's how they do it

0:05:56 Tom: I I was 14 there was no way my dad was gonna be like oh yeah Six Flags just fucking rip it up dude just go have a great time at Six Flags you're a freshman no way no way

0:06:08 Thomas: I don't okay I don't know how I feel about this I'm just processing this in real time but we had the county fair the frog jump you might have heard of it it's a silly stupid thing from mark twain but that's where I'm from we're from the place where they have the our county fair is the Frog Jump. I, for For a while, I thought everyone's county fair was the frog jump. We call it frog jump, but everybody else has like a fair, which is weird. But anyway, that's all fenced off.

0:06:31 Eli: Tom, do you have it in your heart to break it to him that not everybody has a fair? That's just country people.

0:06:34 Tom: Yeah where

0:06:36 Thomas: There's not a county level fair.

0:06:37 Eli: Thomas was visiting New York last week.

0:06:40 Tom: Is the fair yeah right

0:06:40 Eli: He was like, where is the Manhattan Fair? This city is boring.

0:06:44 Tom: Yeah I thought thinking like the chicago like the cook county fair be like oh

0:06:48 Eli: How do you know which child is quick enough to catch a pig? You have so little information.

0:06:51 Tom: Shit yeah county fairs are clearly rural things yeah

0:06:53 Thomas: A california thing or what but we have no there's a state fair in the county you know there's there's a whole farm system you know here's the majors there's the there's you you win the contest at the county fair

0:07:01 Tom: I doubt there's an L.A. county fair I'm just saying I don't think there's an L.A. county fair.

0:07:04 Eli: Triple-A

0:07:04 Thomas: It's a good question I've never I have never once thought about this clearly like I just this was such a staple of our childhood like this was like at the world we got school off by the way in may

0:07:10 Eli: Oh L.A. County Fair hey guys I've got some really funny jokes about the L.A. County Fair but I can't do them today so I'm gonna jump in a time machine and go back to 2015 and I'm going to make some sweet sweet L.A. County Fair jokes and then I'll join you back on the pod I'm back it's the best thing about a time and I

0:07:39 Tom: Could have killed

0:07:33 Thomas: All right well let us know when you're back but so the point is we We, yeah, that's true. He's probably doing that all the time.

0:07:42 Eli: Apologize for those jokes I've made about the L .A. County Fair 2015.

0:07:46 Tom: Hitler, but we went back to 2015 and made some off-color jokes instead. And that's a good choice.

0:07:48 Thomas: No, you know, Eli would rather make bad jokes.

0:07:50 Eli: You haven't made the jokes I've made, Tom, okay?

0:07:52 Tom: That is a good choice.

0:07:54 Thomas: If he killed Hitler, he wouldn't be able to make a bunch of Hitler jokes in his time machine at different inappropriate times. No, I don't know.

0:07:59 Tom: Isn't the existence of Hitler proof that there's no time machine? By the way, I like it that everybody would...

0:08:02 Eli: Or that there's a word that's either proof that there is no time travel or Hitler's the best possible timeline.

0:08:04 Thomas: He invented it. Yeah, could be.

0:08:10 Eli: That there's just, that somewhere in 2075 they are just like, how is it worse than Adler?

0:08:17 Thomas: I don' t know. I think you're overlooking the possibility that given that all of our tech overlords are Nazis, like maybe they're the ones who have the time machines.

0:08:24 Eli: They're psyched. Yeah. That's part of it.

0:08:25 Thomas: Jeans. Yeah. And they're like, okay, first rule of Silicon Valley tech Hitlerism is we don't kill baby Hitler because we're fans. Anyway, the point is, back to the genuine question. The point is Patreon.com says, do you want to do an ad break? Because actually this is kind of part of, I guess this could be part of the thing. Although that's more with the kids with the location sharing.

0:08:42 Tom: Yeah, there's... yeah I was just piggybacking off the apple tag so yeah

0:08:45 Thomas: Well, no, I genuinely am curious about this. What age to let the kids go free? Because as a kid, you know, the fairground is a fenced off area because of the ticketing. And so we were allowed to just go wherever and that I don't know how big that is relative to whatever you're talking about so

0:08:59 Tom: Yeah you know now that I say it like when I was a kid I lived in a town called frankfort there's the frankfort fest right and the Frankfort Fest was fucking enormous physically enormous many many many acres and there was a great big carnival and all that kind of stuff and I think I was a freshman or sophomore for sure when we would just get dropped off there but then I look back at that and I'm like yeah but that was a bad bad idea just because I did it does not mean that I look back on that and I'm like yeah that was cash money and everybody who was 14 or 15 was having cash money totally cool experiences cut loose at the county fair so I look bad I'm not now because now that I think about it I'm like yeah I fucking did it I absolutely I did we went to the frankfurt fest it was awesome but it wasn't like I knew a bunch of people that were 14 or15 that were you know on the fucking tilta world and they were drunk and they Were puking on the tilt-a-whirl because they were 14 and couldn't handle their alcohol plus a tilt-a-whirl you know

0:09:51 Eli: Yeah. Whenever you're a prude like me and you're trying to prove the point that the thing is bad and the not prudes around you are like oh man I did that all the time all you ever have to do is go cool tell me a story and it's always like okay so our friend kimberly was dating a 45 year old which meant that he could get us zimas but we had to drink him in his basement in front of his friends for a little thing he called night night time anyways it was great I'm gonna go punch a wall at the slightest inconvenience I

0:10:04 Tom: I know right yes exactly all right I don't know what the answer is but it sure as fuck isn't 14 for us that's for

0:10:31 Eli: Mean I'll tell you I've started experimenting with this myself I know I am the the one who's so careful so but I'll have you know that at the play place that we take max to catch air which is one entrance in one entrance out you gotta have a stamp that matches the kit like it's high security it's a maximum security facility but we have started letting him run and go play and then come back to us so that's that's where we are in terms of it's like 60 feet in a completely padded room it's where I'm at

0:10:53 Thomas: Other day he got drunk and barfed in the place yeah

0:11:09 Eli: And they drank a bunch of zimas and came back and he was like I gotta catch you Bugs Bunny he's doing the crip walk that's

0:11:10 Tom: Sure I I remember doing the same shit Eli it's funny because at some point we go to like spaces like that and I would turn the kids loose as well but now that the kids are teenagers and they're like and now I'm like no you're gonna be surrounded by teenagers not five-year-olds like there's a way there's huge difference like surrounded by five and six-year-olds in a place that's full of bouncy castles yeah man have a great time surrounded by teenage strangers and adults at fucking six flags

0:11:33 Thomas: Well and at our county fair is just motorcycle gangs that's what now that I think about I'm like more scared now than I was back then to think

0:11:37 Tom: Oh shit right you're like retroactively afraid of your own

0:11:43 Thomas: About I just need to sneak this in before he like gets in the time machine and changes it every single county plus some have a fair in california I guess it's a californian thing I didn't realize there's there is an la county fair it says here I'm on californIA yeah it says

0:11:54 Tom: Life there's an la county fair

0:11:57 Thomas: There are 58 counties in califORNIA and 78

0:12:00 Eli: Not nah I feel like if I put the time in I could gaslight you how to believe in county fairs exist have

0:12:05 Tom: Huh I don't

0:12:05 Thomas: Fairs well hop in the timemachine I just was I didn't know that was a califONIA centric thing I don't know why it's not like a why would we do that more than other people I don't know the earthquakes I don't I can't think of an explanation but anyway

0:12:15 Tom: Know

0:12:18 Eli: Fun while you can kids

0:12:20 Thomas: That's right that's really why I thought it was like an everybody thing so you know the other states don't have that huh all right

0:12:26 Tom: Well I've just looked it up in illinois there's 102 counties there's 100 county fairs but cook county is the largest

0:12:31 Thomas: Well there you go you shit talkers fucking

0:12:34 Tom: Cook county's the largest and cook county does not have a county fair so there is no county fair and that's like where everybody lives every like population density wise there's cook county and then

0:12:37 Thomas: A oh it has seven of them yeah yeah for sure

0:12:45 Tom: Everyone else it's just like that's how it is

0:12:47 Eli: We got county fairs here in jersey my county Tony doesn't have a fair, sad, yeah, Sarlacc, Sarlacc pits of

0:12:58 Tom: Yeah Sarlacc

0:12:51 Thomas: Oh well they're horrible they're absolutely horrible just the pits of uh what is it the star wars thing the uh scum and villainy no the bar this the yeah what the fuck is

0:13:03 Eli: The place where they play jizz.

0:13:03 Thomas: It anyway scum in villages what

0:13:06 Tom: Pit what what

0:13:06 Eli: Do you guys know that? Do you know the music that they, remember the, that's called jizz, that

0:13:10 Thomas: Yeah of course one of the best songs called jizz they just like a play on jazz but

0:13:14 Eli: Music is called jizz

0:13:16 Tom: That's jazz my friend yeah jazz nope

0:13:17 Eli: No it's jizz he named it jizz look it up, google it, google jizz my fun Star Wars fact will be the first thing that comes up I promise, A,

0:13:22 Tom: I'm not googling jizz nope yeah look you're gonna

0:13:22 Thomas: Jizz okay I'm not gonna look I we both know I already have a tab that's always up with a google jizz on it like I I Googled jizz. Let's do an ad break.

0:13:36 Eli: B, G, J, always be googling in jizz all right but the only thing worse than

0:13:43 Thomas: And then I got one of the questions. Nothing worse than leaving your kid in the motorcycle gang infested county fair.

0:13:48 Eli: Than motorcycle gang infested jizz is the auto ads the jizz of your podcasting experience it's a part of it and it's enjoyable for some people namely us it's necessary financially for others probably not a great metaphor for jizz but the point is you can make the ads but not our jizz go away we made our own jizz goes away collectively effectively as a group but not because of the ads patreon .com forward slash dear old dads you can make our jizz go away dear old jizz hey guys I checked that patreon's already taken and these foxes are sexy

0:14:04 Tom: Have not always untrue

0:14:18 Thomas: Dear old jizz, damn it.

0:14:32 Ad: [Ad break 1 — ad music]

0:14:33 Thomas: I just have to tell Eli. I went to that California website and said list of state designated fairs. I popped to mine. Mine is the only one of course called Calaveras County Fair and Jumping Frog Jubilee. We're the only Jumping frog Jubilee, the address of the fairground is 2465 gun club road that's just what it was called just gun club road yep just gun club that's where the gun club was and yeah exactly that's where the fair that's we jump the frogs

0:14:49 Eli: Hell yeah yep that's where the gun club is and that's why we're going to drive the road wouldn't have no road if it wasn't for gun club

0:15:02 Thomas: That's where we jump the frogs so my question is for reals that was just normal and my parents here's the thing my parents were strict as fuck like for sure I couldn't do anything my parents I think there also was a laziness thing that sometimes took over where it was like sure Sure, they were strict, but watching all four kids in that way takes a lot of effort. So occasionally they're like, well, can't do that.

0:15:13 Tom: So was my dad. Yeah. My dad was crazy, crazy strict, but it seemed like during the day, like my dad, like 6 p .m. curfews, like we didn't have sleepovers. We didn't go to sleepovers and have people sleep over our house. We had like a lot of house rules, like a Lotta House Rules, a lot chores, a lot homework assignments just for dad. We have a lot stuff to keep us busy and out of trouble. But looking back, it's weird because the Frankfurt Fest, that was an exception. And And I don't really know why, because it was not, like, I wasn't allowed to go to the mall.

0:15:54 Tom: My dad had a very strict no mall policy. I was not allowed to Go to the Mall at all. Because he's like, yeah, there's no good that comes out of teenagers at the mall, I don' t want you to get in trouble for shoplifting, I d 'on't want, you know, like. You know, it's kind of right, like I probably would have gone to the mal and shoplifted a bunch of shit, you kno.

0:16:06 Thomas: It's like, that's where I met your mom.

0:16:08 Tom: Yeah, he was very strict about all kinds of weird shit, but I look back and I'm like, yeah, like we were just show up and like we'd spend the whole day and get sunburned and ride rides and buy candy and, you know, fucking corn dogs or whatever bullshit is at the fair?

0:16:20 Thomas: So yeah, they fuck corndogs out there. Did you know that?

0:16:23 Eli: Yeah that's what they code them

0:16:23 Tom: Like, it's the Midwest. Are you kidding me? It's required out here.

0:16:26 Thomas: It's one of the, yeah. Play a game where like, is it corndag or dick? Like in the breading, like you can't.

0:16:33 Tom: Is that not how you guys play cornhole? That's how you play corn hole. That's a, it'S a thing. Yeah. No. So it's a weird exception now that I think about it.

0:16:40 Thomas: Yeah. But it's a fun bit of independence when you're in a full gated off area. Now, I would never recommend this at the Hells Angels fucking California County, whatever. It was just all motorcycle creeps and they would creep on everybody probably. Imagine being a fucking girl on that day. God, I can't believe anyone was ever allowed to participate in the Calvary's County Fair. But anyway, it's sort of a bit of like a dose of independence because you can be like, hey, yeah, you guys can go on a couple rides, come back to the fucking, you know, the blanket here or whatever, like where you camped out, come Back to that, you you know, two o 'clock and it's like a bit of a trial run. I think that kind of stuff I think is good for kids, but I'm just not there. Just not very clear. Not at the Calipers County Fair, but something like that.

0:17:17 Tom: I just looked up Cedar Point out of curiosity and Cedar point on a busy day can have 60 ,000 people, 60 ,00 people. Now, like by my math, Aislinn and her friend will not know 59 ,997 of them. So there will be 59, 997 strangers. And I'm like, no fucking way.

0:17:23 Eli: Too many people oh see I was gonna say like if there's 60 000 people that's like 60 people who want to fuck your kid and

0:17:44 Tom: By the math, by the math man, right?

0:17:44 Thomas: Yeah, maybe.

0:17:47 Eli: Hey can we say can we say hey just between us we're not even recording this hey just between us it's way higher than one in a thousand I wish it wasn't but it's so much higher than

0:17:55 Tom: Yeah, man.

0:17:59 Thomas: Well, it's not a random assortment of people. So it could be even worse is what I'm saying. People might've bought tickets specifically to fuck your kid or or whatever yeah it does skew higher yeah

0:18:00 Eli: Don't you fucking math nerd me that's right yeah exactly I think the fair goer average is higher yeah I'll tell you I love two things funnel cake and fucking kids tell you what anything above 11 people I just assume there's a murderer pedophile pedophile murderer who murders the pedophile of the murdering who's there

0:18:32 Thomas: Well that's good yeah

0:18:32 Tom: Well, dude, the thing is like a 14 year old girl is like in the prime of danger zone. That is the biggest danger. It's like 14 to 29 or something is the age where girls are like most in danger. There is no way, man, because it's like, yeah, some small percentage are actual pedophiles, but people that are into teenage girls, that number goes way up, man. Number goes way the fuck up. There's no way.

0:18:56 Thomas: You ever see those posts they're like I never forget when I turned 17 and then they stopped flirting with me like I stopped getting cat called or whatever you know you ever see those post I'm like Jesus Christ we should just blow up the world

0:19:07 Tom: I remember Haley telling me the first time she got catcalled, she was just walking to the beach with a friend, 12 or 13 years old, and people in a car slowed down and catcalled and tried to get them to get in the car. They tried to Get him to get In the car, I think she was 12 or 13 years old. Like, nope. I don't know what age it is, man, but it ain't 14.

0:19:25 Eli: Here's the thing though that's weird about that if you had been there and killed them you're the bad guy

0:19:31 Thomas: I don't know I feel like our society is not a huge fan of get trying to get little girls to go in cars really reddit would love you reddit wood love you that's true you will go to jail but reddit will love you

0:19:31 Tom: I know that seems crazy to me.

0:19:32 Eli: You have to go to jail right you'd think right but then if you actually kill those guys reddit would love you that's true yeah no you would get lots of

0:19:47 Tom: You'd be a Reddit hero, but not a, you know, hero hero.

0:19:48 Thomas: But you're not as good looking as luigi so

0:19:48 Eli: Not a free man luigi didn't do

0:19:53 Thomas: Yeah he's did whatever he wanted to do or not okay I missed that guy can we do another news cycle of him I just want I just liked seeing his hot picture in the news you know what I mean it was just like

0:20:03 Eli: It it's great and it's always there's two things to enjoy about a luigi news cycle the first is you get the straight news people trying to pretend they don't know what the news about luigi is they're like alleged killer luigi mangione was in courtroom today where uh the people were throwing underwear underwear unsure why the local populace throw perhaps some form of disgust at his terrible crime and now to cow with the weather and then there's like a sweet 31 year old mother of two who's on the pta and her first comment is he could choke me with his whole fist he can put his whole fist down my throat and leave it there that's not you were wearing a wig in the profile picture sure that's why I was confused

0:20:44 Thomas: Oh that that was me actually but it was kind of you to say it was someone else I was I'm trying whatever I can at this point I don't know what he's into you know right

0:20:53 Eli: Here's the thing men are gross when they objectify people and I think it's gross and uncomfortable but no one does it as creatively and as vehemently as women have you ever seen that meme that's like male perverts hiding under the desk and then female perverts are just the terminator chasing them like a male pervert is actually dangerous and it's not fun but a female pervert they will write a sonnet about what they want to do to your eyelashes yeah it's it's uh it's a useful thing

0:21:15 Thomas: They get to have more fun with it that's that's for sure that's so I gathered you here today because I saw this well okay it was a podcast episode that was on the daily feed which I hate listen to because well I won't get into it. I'll just start yelling about them. But anyway, it was Modern Love is in New York Times. No, not doing it. Fucking hate them so much.

0:21:35 Eli: Wait why don't you like why don's you like the daily you hate the daily everybody lately

0:21:39 Thomas: Modern Love Is the podcast that's on. They put a fucking feed drop of it. And I saw this right away. I shared it with you guys because I was like, oh, this is going to be great because it was Modern Love to share or not share how location sharing is changing our relationships. And I was, like, this ist fantastic. We should talk about this. And then I listened to the thing and the whole thing was not at all. Well, there's like two minutes in the beginning that was like people arguing over like, no, you should share with your significant other. No, you shouldn't. For like a minute. And then it was four hours of the most depressing story ever about this guy. And like it was about his mom and his brother went missing. And so like it really pivoted. And so I was like, never mind. Don't listen to that. It wasn't really what I thought it was. But I still think it is worth discussing this. I think the poly angle does ruin it a wee bit, but maybe not necessarily location sharing with the significant other I guess because I feel like I know my dear old dad's here I think our answers are gonna skew a bit from the average answer because for me it's like could you imagine refusing to do that like that's my quick could you imagine not like if your partner was like hey yeah yeah

0:22:44 Tom: I I take to it like it feels crazy to me to be in a committed relationship right so like I don't think the poly angle changes it really at all because it's not really about making sure somebody's cheating or not cheating or like whatever I don' t it doesn't even occur to

0:22:59 Thomas: Well I know not to you

0:22:59 Tom: Me it's so fucking convenient to location share I would never not location share like it would never occur to me to ask because it just wouldn't occur tome but as soon as hayley brought it up we have like the life 360 app on all of our phones in the house for all the kids and everything and it's like yeah Yeah, as long as I'm paying for your cell phone, your Life 360 is on. That's how that works.

0:23:18 Thomas: Tom wait what is that one should I be doing that what is it

0:23:21 Tom: Life 360's just an app that location shares across devices. So if you have devices that are not all iPhone or whatever, some of my kids are Android. But, like, we just ordered two more Android phones for the kids.

0:23:24 Thomas: Oh okay so like if you have different devices. Ah, I gotcha. Okay. Gotcha. Ooh, boy. How do you deal with that? Hold on. New show topic. Anyway, location sharing. Do it. Okay, different topic.

0:23:27 Eli: Yeah why do you hate your kids ah tom I've tried to drop the like bit about you not loving one of your kids but truly the one you have let had of an android you don't love oh

0:23:44 Tom: So we have two Android users in the house. I love Android. I only use iPhone because of work, actually.

0:23:49 Thomas: Eli, are you kidding me? I feel like we know which side of the family the Android is coming from.

0:23:54 Eli: The android's coming from inside the house

0:23:56 Thomas: Inside the top.

0:23:56 Tom: No, Finn and Donovan are both Android users. Yeah. So, yeah, Finn, and Donavan both.

0:23:58 Thomas: Oh, okay. All right. That wasn't what I thought. That wasn'T what I thoughT. I was surprised. Yeah.

0:24:01 Eli: Oh that was I was incorrect as well I was I was 50 correct

0:24:03 Tom: Yeah, no, yeah. Finn and Donovan. Eamon doesn't have a phone. He's not old enough to have a phone yet, so.

0:24:06 Thomas: It's pretty hard to not be 50 % correct. Ooh.

0:24:07 Eli: No fucking amos amos my boy amos gonna get the iphone 17 whatever the newest iphone is a dog's gonna be like give me that and also preload a mcdonald's gift card on

0:24:18 Tom: We are just actually buying Aislinn an iPhone this year, like this last week, but I bought her a refurbished last year's model because I'm not spending fucking iPhone money. I don't know what the fuck a Bark phone is. What the fuck's a Bark phone?

0:24:19 Thomas: I

0:24:25 Eli: But get her a bark phone get her bark phone it's the spy on your kid's phone it's the fucking best

0:24:29 Thomas: Don't know what that is either. Oh.

0:24:32 Tom: Well, the Life 360 is perfectly fine for, like, location sharing. Is that what you're...

0:24:35 Eli: Yeah but what if you want to see everything

0:24:35 Thomas: Yeah, no, Eli's saying, like, you can literally turn on their camera or some shit. God, I'm not ever doing that. It's disgusting.

0:24:40 Tom: No, I'm just kidding. I'm doing that shit. That shit's fucking nuts.

0:24:41 Eli: Oh max is getting bark phones all the the way he's gonna be like you guys don't have a park phone my service is great I think it's a verizon you know it's probably specific to new jersey one second my dad's turning on my camera he wants to see where I am park phone so what used to happen for those hey because there's look I know there are people out there who are like when I was gay my dad used to spy on me and that's what you are and fuck that's I'm not your homophobic dad max can be gay with whoever he wants be gay and then there's parents who were like hey how do I get in on that fucking hustle how do I get in on that spy on my kid's hustle and I was like you gotta get the bark app for the iphone but you gotta jailbreak the ipone to make it really work and they're like I'm gonna jailbreak my kid'S phone that's fucking I'll just put a microphone in their ear or whatever but now bark sells a phone they're just like here you go here's a phone we got like a shitty phone from china and we installed all the spy it was great because it's china they already had the spyware

0:25:36 Eli: On it they were like you just want us to leave it there and we were like yes

0:25:39 Thomas: Yeah, we... There's a lot of programming quirks where you have to coordinate the spyware, like, between the Chinese government and your parents.

0:25:43 Eli: Please yeah exactly yeah and they yeah

0:25:46 Tom: All seems like way too much work. We have a rule in our house. I know I've mentioned this before, but the rule is at any time I can ask for your phone and you can't change your password from what we set it to for your lock screen. Anytime I can Ask for Your Phone and you better give me your phone. If you don't give me her phone and I ask for her phone, you no longer have a phone. That's just how that works. We've never one time asked for any of their phones. We've ever asked for it. As soon as you set that rule in place, the kids know, all right, whatever I'm doing on my phone is at anytime available for parental review. You so like at any at any moment like I can just yeah hey let me see your phone and then they have to give us the phone and we've never had to do it but like the location sharing the location sharing is fucking awesome I use it constantly I use like almost every day like I've got finn and donovan out right now 30 40 minutes away getting haircuts or whatever and I want to see like for example when they're coming home when I'll expect them back I could just open up the life 360 app see where they're at and be like oh yeah they'll be home in 10 minutes and that's convenient for me.

0:26:41 Thomas: Jesus that's a long ways away for a haircut

0:26:43 Eli: I like that too but now imagine you can also see every text message conversation they ever have in their

0:26:44 Tom: Yeah. But I can always just be, give me your phone.

0:26:48 Thomas: God that's so intrusive look we've done this before I want I want to try to talk about the relationship so you guys don't know the guys that are that anybody that's like no I can't location share and tom the reason I say the poly thing affects it is not because it has anything to do with you but because the only reason you would not location share is because of like cheating jealousy thing you know so like

0:26:51 Tom: Give me your phone.

0:26:51 Eli: Whole life well I feel like we might have talked about this before but anna and I have an open phone snooping policy because it's fun to snoop on your partner's phone we actually sometimes we close the phone relationship if I'm doing presents or if i'M doing a surprise I'll I'll give her a heads up I'll be like hey just so you know next month is anniversary next month his birthday no snooping for a month okay

0:27:20 Thomas: Oh, would

0:27:32 Ad: [Ad break 2 — ad music]

0:27:34 Tom: Location sharing for me would not be a requirement, but if somebody didn't want to do it, it would also be a deal breaker. If that makes sense.

0:27:42 Thomas: Be weird. It would be weird.

0:27:42 Tom: Like it would be bizarre.

0:27:45 Eli: Yeah roll play it out

0:27:45 Tom: It would be like, it'd be like oh yeah well like obviously there's something you're high. Like that's bizarre. That's insane.

0:27:46 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, I

0:27:46 Eli: With me tom tom ask me to share my phone location

0:27:50 Tom: Yeah hey man share your phone location with me please.

0:27:51 Eli: Oh I don't want to do

0:27:53 Tom: All right I lost your number. I forgot your name.

0:27:55 Eli: That exactly right why the there's no re

0:27:57 Tom: We don't never have to talk again. Like that's insane.

0:27:59 Thomas: Would be interested in that interaction just to hear what they come up with. You know, well, when I was a child, I

0:28:03 Eli: Sometimes I want where I am to

0:28:05 Tom: What about my privacy? Why do you have to know where I'm at every minute of the day?

0:28:06 Thomas: Died in a location sharing fire or something. I don't. Yeah sure.

0:28:08 Eli: Be accident yeah

0:28:10 Tom: I feel like if you are dating and you haven't decided to be serious, you're not in a committed relationship. Yeah. Like, that's fucking insane. Right. But what does it even mean to be in a commited relationship with somebody? If you're like, yeah, obviously I'm in a comitted relationship. Like we are in this thing together. Like we're making real decisions about who we are as a team, as a couple, as partners in our lives. But sometimes I don't want you to know where I am. What? What is that? Like, how is that a thing? If you just want that, if you want that level of privacy, in my mind, that level of privacy is completely mutually exclusive to being in a committed relationship. You can have one, but you can't have them both. You can't be in a committed relationship with somebody and maintain that level of privacy. There's a level of privacy that you say like, yeah, this is part of a relationship is that we don't have complete autonomy. We don't have complete privacy. These are things that we are compromising on in order to be in a relationship.

0:28:14 Thomas: That'd be crazy. Yeah I feel like for us it's going to be hard for any of our situations to really like it just would never apply. But the only thing that I've kind of heard from some of the people in that podcast was like, there is an issue when their partner, and we'll just take this as them representing this accurately, when their Wagner does it too much and then is constantly like asking them questions about where they are and is checking where they are all the time. No, but not, no, not in a good way.

0:29:26 Tom: But that's a good thing. That's a good thing because now you know that person's a lunatic. Yeah, but now you now, yeah, like for real, now you know that that person is the kind of person you should not be in a relationship with. 100%. Here's how the location sharing thing works. 100%, I'm going to share my location. Here you go, share my location. If you fucking get weird about it, now we have a problem.

0:29:31 Thomas: Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll share my location. It's not here anymore.

0:29:51 Tom: Right, because now I'm going to turn that shit off and I'm gonna forget your name. That's how that's gonna work. If you fucking crazy about about location sharing I saw you were over at jim's house for 15 minutes at 12 yeah get the fuck out of here that's nonsense like you're a controlling asshole but I do feel like it's almost a safe way to give access to something that you can be like okay I'm gonna test the water oh you're controlling asshole I can literally press a button and make that stop and I need to know this information this is actually good information to have about somebody so you can kick them to the fucking curb

0:30:05 Eli: Yeah that's weird yep

0:30:25 Thomas: Interesting. Yeah that's a good good way of looking at it

0:30:27 Eli: I think the the pushback against the sharing location is that some and I'm going to say men because I think it's mostly men some men use it to be controlling and jealous assholes right because we I've literally seen like screenshots of like men being like how come you're at that you know arby's for so long who who works there or whatever and like that's that's fucking nuts but like he's also using Facebook messenger that's not a problem

0:30:47 Thomas: Yeah yeah the solution isn't like oh toggle the fucking gps it's get the fuck out of that

0:30:50 Eli: With Facebook I'm not gonna uninstall Facebook right

0:30:57 Thomas: I guess yeah

0:30:58 Tom: And like I know like like my suggestion is like way easier said than done once people are in something. But honestly, that is a kind of control and abuse and people will 100%, 100%. There are people that are gonna use it for exactly what you described. And I do think it's almost better to sort of get that shit out in the open as soon as humanly possible and be like, oh, we're doing location sharing and you're being a crazy person and like interrogating me about where I was Wednesday at 6 .23 p .m. Like we just never need to talk again. Like that's how this works. Like you don't have a name or a face anymore. More like you're gone forever yes

0:31:30 Eli: Yeah and honestly like can I say I know that seems like an easy dismissive thing to say but that is so needed there are so many many people who are like well I just don't get fucking rid of him get rid of it get let me be very clear get rid of him because that's what I almost always mean get rid of him in that situation

0:31:51 Thomas: There goes other both ways but

0:31:52 Tom: I think that there are plenty of women that are really possessive like I do Think possessiveness in that way I think it's more dangerous when men do it like by orders of magnitude upon magnitude right so yeah exactly right like so there's a there's an important distinction to be made it is always a toxic trait that level of possessiveness is always toxic and I also think it's incurably toxic so if somebody demonstrates it that is 100 of the time it's not a red flag it's a complete deal breaker that can't be fixed yeah you're not just like oh man I don't know that I love that no you're done like you're so done like you should you're a minute away from a restraining order at that point that's how fucking done you are with somebody like that because that person is an asshole that's a bad person kind behavior. That's the best case scenario is that they're a really bad person.

0:32:02 Eli: Like all things it's a red light I

0:32:43 Thomas: Yeah this is

0:32:43 Tom: Most likely scenario is that there are fucking stalkers. And this is just a tool that they'll use for that kind of shit. So I like I'm a thousand percent pro location sharing for that reason, too. Like, let's get it out in the open. Let's figure it out early. Let'S get that stuff in there, man, so we can make good decisions.

0:32:59 Thomas: One of those times I think I've said before where sometimes I wish if we could could find a way to have a fourth co -host that somehow is the mathematical average of relationships you know like just your average person average American will say just for the context in a relationship I wish we could have that because I feel like this doesn't like I feel Like we're a bit unique in this way like I Feel like so your average couple you talk to maybe not like our more put together adult friends or something but there's so much more bullshit that goes on you know and there's a lot of

0:33:28 Tom: Well, look, I'll steel man it a little bit if you want. Like I'll steal man it little bit because I am I am a person who very much values their privacy. I totally get it. I actually believe that without privacy, you cannot have freedom or liberty. Like I believe in privacy.

0:33:30 Thomas: Stuff sure yeah

0:33:41 Eli: Don't have Tom's phone number it's true I have to dead drop him all my texts

0:33:46 Tom: So I can hear the argument of like, why do you need that level of access to me all the time? Why is it so important that you constantly know exactly down to the GPS coordinate where I am 24 hours a day, seven days a week? You either trust me or you don't. So if I'm a steel man, that's what I might start with.

0:34:06 Thomas: I could see that the direction I was going with is I think there's so many couples as well that just don't openly communicate you know and so there's a lot of like well I asked him to location share and then he keeps just kind of avoiding doing it and he won't do you know you know how many stories is that when you talk to people where it's like wait you don't just like figure whatever out like you didn't just talk to your partner until you figure out whatever the problem is you know yeah

0:34:26 Tom: Yeah, that shit's fucking crazy. Like, no, I know exactly like where people will like have a very reasonable ask and rather than address it and then arrive at a conclusion, they'll just kick the can down the road and not actually like do or address. That's its own like weird trait of like yeah but like it's a legitimate one I think that a lot of people will do that as a way to either to avoid confrontation so a lot of non-confrontational people do that I've seen a ton of people even in work situations I see this all the time where non - confrontational people will sort of and sometimes they can be very very good at it very adept at it they'll just sort of gently kick that can down the road change the topic sort of ambiguously agree to think about something that kind of nonsense that buys him time and then never circle back into

0:34:41 Thomas: Kind of a separate topic yeah right

0:35:13 Tom: The topic that stuff is super fucking common and again I feel like if that's a thing maybe that's not as big a deal as the stalker shit but like that's something that is a very bright red flag because what that means is you can't have a real conversation with somebody that's aimed at arriving at a conclusion and I've been in that relationship

0:35:30 Thomas: Yeah Well, that sounds like hell

0:35:33 Tom: Before it's the worst because everything you bring up you never get to any kind of satisfactory conclusion and so eventually what people do is they stop bringing stuff up and that's the goal very often that's the sort of goal of that kind of obfuscation or avoidance or non -confrontational shit where eventually it's like all right we're just this is going to be such a pointless endeavor that eventually there will be no more endeavors and that is a thing for real.

0:36:07 Ad: [Ad break 3 — ad music]

0:36:08 Tom: I'd be interested to hear you contend with the steel man that I offered.

0:36:11 Eli: Okay so for me the location sharing isn't about cheating because I'm like fucking get it get it do it girl what is it do it lady do it lady see I'm pop I'm with it I'm

0:36:21 Thomas: I those are I have no idea what you're talking

0:36:23 Eli: Hip it's a TikTok sketch that people are enjoying

0:36:25 Thomas: The problem is Tom and I aren't with it, so we don't know if you're with it or not. Okay. Lydia will... What?

0:36:28 Eli: Trust me I'm killing with do it lady just now we just shot up the itunes charts there's a hot man pretending not to be hot he's very although honestly black person in here sketch is great okay I'm talking entirely to myself about the internet it's fine it's

0:36:42 Tom: I don't know. He's just making sounds at this point.

0:36:42 Thomas: Do I need to edit that out? Was that a hate crime, everybody? I don't know.

0:36:45 Eli: So do it Lady is fine do it. Lady would not be the issue My issue, and look, I speak only to my own relationships, is that I'm the only person in my life who goes to the location where we agreed to be at the time we agreed to be there. Yeah.

0:36:45 Tom: We're probably canceled.

0:37:00 Thomas: Fair. Very punctual.

0:36:59 Tom: Eli is very punctual. I will give him that. Yeah.

0:37:03 Eli: So if you don't share your location with me, I have to rely on you, the person not there at the time and place we agreed, to tell me where you are. And I don't know if you've asked a millennial or younger. Boomers can do it. Boomers and Gen X-ers can do it Gen X-er: you're like hey Tom where you at he's like I'm at the Starbucks down the street look for the big red sign you ask a millennial where they are they're like um so first we decided why are you telling me the story like it's the top of a recipe blog where are you right now yeah

0:37:03 Thomas: Insanely so. The only acceptable answer is the ETA minutes. I don't give a shit where anyone is. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHERE ANYONE IS. It's... Well, the map thing... Well, in the Eli situation, the map thing says 17 minutes until I'm at you. That's all I care. Who cares? Nothing else matters.

0:37:44 Tom: Oh, but I might. Yeah, right. Okay. But so Thomas, this is because you are the ADHD person. You are not in a relationship with ADHD person because you can ask somebody with ADHD first of all if you ask somebody adhd how far away are you in terms of minutes in terms of time that question doesn't make sense that you may as well you may be fucking reciting Jabberwocky if you are that is a nonsensical question full of words that do not have a connection to reality people with ADHD also will tell you that they are much much closer to you than they've ever been they're not even showered their pants aren't on yet

0:37:56 Eli: Two minutes away yeah

0:38:22 Thomas: Yeah. No, that's fair. That's fair, OK?

0:38:23 Eli: Oh yeah oh they're getting into the shower and they text you on my way. Yeah.

0:38:29 Thomas: I want to say there are different flavors of ADHD. Mine is combined with my weird truth telling serum. So when I say like I'm three minutes away, that's my best actual I think I am three minutes. And I usually am because I'm always just a little bit late to everything, you know? Like that's just how it is.

0:38:43 Eli: To be fair, Thomas has never been like, I'm going to be on time and then not been on time.

0:38:48 Thomas: Yes, that' s true.

0:38:48 Eli: We'll be like, Thomas, when are you going to get there? And he'll be, like, I don't know. Lydia just fell down a hill full of moldy rocks into a big jar of honey. We'll see you when I see you.

0:38:55 Tom: Right and then like let me raise my head then there's like being in a marriage with somebody who's chronically overscheduled like myself and continuously optimistically overestimates how much can be done and what time I can be there because I'll be I'll tell Haley all the time like I have a meeting it's from 9 to 11 in my brain all this works right so I'll be like I have a meeting it's from 9 to 11 it's 45 minutes away I should be home by 11 45 instead the meeting always runs late or I gotta get gas or something else happened and I'm and they're all unavoidable it's not like I was like oh and then I you know stopped right like I didn't have fun I didn't like do a thing that was

0:39:08 Eli: Oh, it's the best. My neck popped out.

0:39:37 Thomas: We know we know it's you yeah there's no fun you don't have fun

0:39:39 Eli: Yeah. We know you didn't experience pleasure. Her see

0:39:39 Tom: Fun so

0:39:42 Thomas: You know you didn't hop on the little lad bike for a quick quick

0:39:44 Tom: That happens so the location sharing is useful for us there too because it defeats that right and I can tell her like oh yeah I'm at work I should be out of this meeting in 45 minutes. I'll be home in an hour and 15 minutes. And she can look in 45 Minutes and be like, he hasn't fucking left yet.

0:39:58 Tom: He's still at the office. So, like, I shouldn't start dinner or, you know, like whatever it is. So there's a lot. I also will say, speaking of the lad bike, I feel way safer knowing that Haley can track my whereabouts when I'm out and about. So, like, if I'm out riding and I'm 30 miles away from home and I am on some fucking trail in the middle of the forest, she can see exactly where I'm at. And if I'm not moving for a long time, maybe she can call somebody, you know?

0:39:58 Eli: She knows calls her accountant

0:40:22 Thomas: Ride here's the thing I have I've had these thoughts sometimes when I'm doing stuff and I realize like Like, oh, Lydia will just be asleep. So there's no, like, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to die and Lydia will have just been sleeping. I don't even blame, I mean, I don't not mad. She's just tired. But she'll, there was one time, one of the bad times I got cut in hockey, the worst time when I had to go to the hospital. It was like, oh. There's no way I can even tell her. Because the games are, you know, games are past the hour of seven of the clock, p .m.

0:40:50 Thomas: And so there's no chance, Lydia, you know.

0:40:48 Eli: And it's already yeah she's already in the Victorian cap and matching gown with honk shoe honk show written in bold above

0:40:53 Thomas: I agree, except that she's more narcoleptic and just falls asleep, like literally just doing she'll be she'll be quote unquote editing and be sleeping with her hands on the keyboard, like sitting in the editing position. I'm like, that's not what are you doing? You can't edit while you're sleeping. But anyway, I remember I had to think as I was rapidly losing blood, I had to think like, how do I tell Lydia that I'm at the hospital? And back, this was a long time. This was years ago.

0:41:03 Eli: Her halfway on the couch halfway on living room floor yeah sandman

0:41:26 Thomas: No, I realized, wait a minute, our Roomba is broken. I can turn that shit on and it sounds like a fucking helicopter. Like there's something wrong with a fan or something. And so I turned the Roomba on. It's like, and she wakes up and then she sees all my messages.

0:41:26 Eli: Hell

0:41:42 Thomas: It was, uh, it was really funny. It Was really, yeah. Innovative.

0:41:42 Eli: Yeah Roomba alarm clock yeah fun tip for those of you by the way who have similar situations and you don't have a a malfunctioning roomba if you have find my phone on the other person's phone speaking of location sharing you can do the make a noise thing on their phone and even if they have their phone on silent because they're sleeping it will go off and wake them yeah all

0:42:03 Tom: Really? Oh, that's interesting. That is interesting.

0:42:04 Thomas: Interesting. Tom just unlocked a whole new technology

0:42:09 Clip: DEAR OLD DADS

0:42:16 Eli: Gentlemen, before we go why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house because the ghosts bring their own booze google jizz

0:43:14 Thomas: They fuck corndogs out there did you know that

0:43:17 Eli: Don't you math nerd me So our friend Kimberly was dating a 45 year old, which meant that he could get us Zimas, but we had to drink him in his basement in front of his friends. Remember that? That's called jizz. Tell you what? Yeah.

0:43:40 Thomas: Of course, one of the best songs called jizz gotcha okay gotcha oh

0:43:42 Tom: First, some of my kids are Android. But like...

0:43:45 Thomas: Boy, how do you deal with that

0:43:45 Eli: Why do you hate your kids? We'll be like Thomas when are you gonna get there and he'll be like I don't know Lydia just fell down a hill full of moldy rocks into a big jar of honey We'll see you when I see you