DOD193: A Thirst Trap Trap

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and honor dependent. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

0:00:22 Clip: Telling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

0:00:29 Tom: Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's got stitches. I'm Tom Curry, joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:37 Thomas: We record these two at a time, but I can assure the audience I have ejaculated by now. By the time you're hearing this. And if that's anyone. Hey, for once, it's me, Eli. If that's any one's first episode of our show for once. I ruined it instead of Eli, you know.

0:00:46 Eli: Be dead, but he ejaculated. Yeah. To be fair, when we said the show was called Dear Old Dads, that is telling the audience we've ejacuated. I mean, that's... Because here on Dear Old Dads, we don't believe in adoption.

0:00:59 Tom: Open source

0:00:59 Thomas: At least once. Yeah. Unless you're Elon, then you have 15 kids and have never had sex. I actually don't think that guy has ever had sex I he has a weird pyramid scheme, and I don't know if that's the right word He has a thing where they can take his cum for free. It's like open source as long as you make a horrible boy.

0:01:12 Eli: No fucking... Someone steals his cum for the child support every time he falls asleep talking about polytopia or whatever. Here's open source cum. Yeah.

0:01:28 Tom: Come. Yeah, yeah.

0:01:29 Thomas: God, I hate everything. Is there? There's never been a more hateable person. Like, I'll be honest. There's ever been. Everything I find out about Elon Musk. Have you seen his dad lately? That clip is going around of his dad. Oh, oh my God. If you want to have your date, though, even worse, Tom, even He might be worse, but just not he's not in charge of anything right now. I think that's the only difference. Like if his dad wasn't the White House, he would be worse. Like married and had two kids with his stepdaughter. You don't know this, dude.

0:01:43 Tom: His dad also a reprehensible shit? Literally not possible.

0:02:01 Thomas: Oh, he's disgusting.

0:02:00 Tom: That's worse. No, I thought, yeah, okay. No I didn't know that.

0:02:04 Thomas: Oh.

0:02:05 Tom: Jesus.

0:02:06 Thomas: It's That guy is the most hateable person maybe of all time. Like the Elon combo. He and his dad.

0:02:12 Eli: Ever -strengthening combination of hatred.

0:02:15 Tom: Should take one of those fucking rocket ships and put Elon and his dad and all of his fucking stupid children in there and blast that whole fucking thing into the sun. Like

0:02:23 Eli: And offer everyone a dogecoin who goes so that all the people who deserve to be on it are also there.

0:02:30 Tom: Get the fuck off of this planet, Jesus Christ. Be the first ones. Go to Mars. Enjoy. Fucking get the fuck out. Yeah, you get out of here. Just get the fucking out.

0:02:36 Thomas: You first, Elon. Do it. There's a lot of governmental budget I'm willing to give up for him to go to Mars. Like a lot.

0:02:44 Tom: All of it. Like, fine. You want to dismantle the whole thing? Sure.

0:02:44 Eli: Lot. A LOT. The whole army.

0:02:46 Thomas: Quite a bit of it.

0:02:49 Tom: We'll start over. Get rid of that guy.

0:02:51 Thomas: And someone out there would be like, but Thomas, you could feed so many children with that. Yeah, but I don't know, though, like getting Elon off the planet.

0:02:51 Eli: What

0:02:58 Tom: An easy trolley problem.

0:02:59 Thomas: It's yeah, it's that's a complex.

0:03:00 Tom: Is an easy trolly problem.

0:03:01 Eli: If it's a round trip thing and then they get to eat the roasted bros slash Elon when he's back?

0:03:07 Thomas: Yeah, the radiated.

0:03:08 Eli: We feed that, yeah. To the children.

0:03:11 Tom: To stay like on task with the dad thing, like how the fuck are we in a spot like where the two people in charge right now, Trump and Elon, are objectively the worst family men in American political history, like men, like they are horrible. And the right is like, we love these guys.

0:03:20 Thomas: Yeah, man.

0:03:28 Tom: These are our guys. Hey, I know we're the Christian right. And we're supposed to this and that lip service. But like. This guy's got fucking like 163 kids with 25 different women and no interest in any of them. And this guy's had three baby mamas and fucking seven kids or whatever, except

0:03:42 Thomas: Accept the human shield, Tom. Accept the human field. Be fair.

0:03:47 Eli: No, he does like that one.

0:03:47 Tom: For the human shield. All right. Fair enough. I forgot about, I forgot little shielding.

0:03:49 Thomas: He's very interested.

0:03:50 Eli: Think it's weird that he still wears them in a in papoose on his chest all the time. That's odd.

0:03:54 Thomas: He is like he's like nine legs dangling down.

0:03:57 Eli: 33.

0:03:58 Tom: He named him Kevlar, that was a little on the nose. That was a

0:04:00 Eli: Was that was on painted the target on his forehead.

0:04:02 Thomas: It's the most normal name of his kids, though. So.

0:04:06 Eli: It's that they're emblematic of what's wrong with the country, right? Everything's kind of a poem. Everything's a painting, right, so there's only so long we could worship at the foot of gold before the man with the golden toilet seat was president, right. Couldn't all just sit around allowing Jersey Shore and the Big Bang Theory to be the most popular television shows without

0:04:29 Tom: I love that you looped in the Big Bang Theory.

0:04:32 Thomas: You're right. Yeah. Trump is Jersey Shore and Elon's the big bang theory. Oh my

0:04:37 Eli: These are the things we've been working towards. And the problem is because we're in social media bubbles, right?

0:04:42 Thomas: House.

0:04:42 Eli: We were just like, yeah, we were just, like, hey, no, no problem. Like, there's artists and people who love and people with thoughts and sentience. But no, it's not. Most people are just sort of mentally ill ghouls wandering from one drug to the next until they die blaming their children, right. And so we have that president. Right? We have the, I didn't shit myself, you shat yourself of presidencies. And deserve it, though.

0:04:44 Tom: Like house.

0:05:10 Thomas: Boy. Almost literally true.

0:05:13 Tom: God. I as we like have these sort of national conversations about, you know, it means to be men and like fathers and all of this. And it's like, well, these two guys, like, how are we having these conversations? Then somehow we've centered ourselves around the two worst fathers in America. Like I just think you couldn't have picked two worst mothers. The worst role models.

0:05:34 Thomas: Well, do you guys know the thing that he only Elon only wants them to make boys with his gross semen, too? Do you know this? They're all boys.

0:05:41 Tom: No, fuck.

0:05:42 Thomas: That's one of I think that's the main one of the main reasons why he hates his trans kid. He has one trans kid, I think so.

0:05:44 Tom: They're all boys? Did he, did select out? Did they like, oh,

0:05:50 Thomas: It's disgusting. And it reminds me so much. Look, Arlo, because he's five and slightly like ASD has a thing where he hates girls. Why? No fucking idea. I could be all of him being five.

0:05:51 Tom: What the fuck?

0:06:08 Thomas: Girls. Yeah, but girls.

0:06:07 Eli: Also healthy for young boys to hate girls.

0:06:09 Thomas: But it's kind of weird. Like, I don't know. He just does this weird thing where he doesn't want to touch stuff that girls have. It doesn't make any sense. And it comes from nothing. Like I don' t know where he got it other than he made a category in his mind or something as a kid.

0:06:21 Tom: Probably from Phoebe beating him up all the time. He's just like, I don't like girls anymore.

0:06:24 Eli: That'll do it.

0:06:26 Tom: They beat me up too much.

0:06:27 Thomas: I don't know. I wish. I don' t think it's just that. There's something going on. But anyway, point is, that's that kind of attitude. That's the richest, most brilliant man in the world has this like, ew, girls cooties attitude or something. Because it makes no fucking sense. It's so disgusting, the whole thing. Anyway, Dear Old Dads. What was the show? I just...

0:06:47 Eli: Hey, guys, you know the only thing worse than Elon Musk?

0:06:51 Thomas: Yeah.

0:06:51 Tom: Milan.

0:06:52 Eli: Nothing. Nothing is worse than Elon Musk.

0:06:54 Thomas: That' s true.

0:06:55 Eli: The But auto ads kind of suck, right? They interrupt the podcast. Feels like those are getting longer. And you can get rid of them over at patreon .com forward slash dear old dads for as little as a dollar. Patreon .com. Forward slash dear. Old dads. Re -eh. Puh -uh. Eh -too. Eh, yet.

0:06:55 Thomas: Literally nothing. You have a choice between getting rid of Elon, though, do that instead. It's the one thing that's not, you know, like...

0:07:17 Eli: We know is you can't shoot the auto adds at one of their many, many public appearances.

0:07:25 Thomas: Awesome.

0:07:25 Eli: Patreon .com forward slash dear old dads it

0:07:26 Tom: All so we're going to tackle a couple of listener uh emails today um remember you guys can email us uh and if you email us with a question we'll actually answer it we will answer it do not email us a question that you do not want us to answer though that makes no sense don't do that it's nonsense well we're not sending you a personal email so like literally it doesn't matter do not send us an email called don't read this because I will not read it

0:07:42 Thomas: The air. On air. Yeah,

0:07:44 Eli: Happens yeah Yeah, we don't read it. We literally don't read it, right? First of all It doesn't go directly to us, so some people Have been very upset that it doesn't Go directly to Us, that like other people who help us with The shows also see those emails Because they like wanted to tell us a secret So

0:08:07 Tom: I do not want your secrets

0:08:07 Thomas: That's not what it's for.

0:08:09 Eli: Can't tell us Any secrets, we're comedians On a podcast Two, we are only Collecting questions that are for Said podcast the only ones.

0:08:20 Thomas: Hey,

0:08:20 Tom: It that's it. I don't wait you can't yeah, it's literally impossible for you to tell me a secret I won't read your secret. That's not you can get to me. I need dream alright So here's one that that you guys did want to dress to I'm trying to find out if my snitching will get me stitches

0:08:29 Eli: That's right. The dads at dear old dads .com.

0:08:36 Thomas: Guys, don't tell anyone, but... Oh,

0:08:39 Tom: Brother -in -law is an older guy in his late 50s, not a particularly tech -savvy guy. He's a stay -at -home dad for my teenage nephew, and as far as I know, spends most of his day on Facebook and Instagram in the most boring way possible, commenting on old photos he posted 10 years ago, commenting things like, oh, he's 10 years older now. He recently got into threads, and I don't think he knows that his replies to posts are public, because holy fuck is it weird.

0:09:04 Thomas: No. I'm just already cringing at whatever this is going to be.

0:09:08 Tom: Yeah, he sent a screenshot to us and says I kept the image intact because I really want to emphasize this is his only activity on the platform and none of it seems egregious but it's still fucking weird. I don't think he's acting on any of these weird comments but it still super sketchy and it makes me wonder how long he's been doing shit like this just more secretly. Now... question is whether I should tell my sister. We live in the same region. We see each other maybe every few months, but we're not super close. She's 10 years older than me, and I have my own family and life to manage. And I feel like I would want to know if my partner was doing this, but I don't know if I'm close enough to the situation to act. Very possible I'm coming up with excuses for myself to not have an uncomfortable conversation as well. What are your opinions on this? So the screenshots to describe.

0:09:51 Tom: The screenshots. Eli Bostic, do you want to describe the screenshots?

0:09:55 Eli: So this is very important because when I read this message, I was expecting like creepy messages and they're not, they're literally grandma responses, right?

0:10:07 Thomas: OK.

0:10:08 Eli: If you're not aware, grandmas use. Media as though words are being spoken to their face, right? Every post is a letter that they were sent directly because that is how they were introduced to fucking communication. And that is this gentleman has chosen to respond. There's actually not a lot that's creepy about these posts. Is posts? Yes. But they're all just what you would say if this person was in front of your face and you were a weird 50 -year -old guy and they said these words.

0:10:47 Tom: Yeah, he's commenting on are thirst traps posted by, as you pointed out, bots specifically of young Asian women. And he's it's mostly, yeah, there is. Yeah. Okay. There, there, there's, there there's some, there are some, forgive me.

0:10:58 Eli: White women too? Has mixed tastes. Thank you, Tom

0:11:04 Tom: It's not a hundred percent. It just predominantly, it's just predominantly. The thing. Like I have a strong feeling about this. If you say to yourself, Hey, I would, I want to know.

0:11:04 Eli: Fucking bigot. You're cheating! This is adultery!

0:11:19 Tom: I say if you would want to know about this yourself, if your partner was doing it. Yeah, you tell somebody that you care about that this is happening because it's something you also would want to know. Like, I don't think you can hold those ideas in your mind at the same time that you would want know, but that you shouldn't tell somebody when you are the one that is knowing, right?

0:11:39 Eli: I'm close to that. Here's my thought. Can keep this secret, but if you keep this, you have to keep it forever. Here's the only thing you don't get to do you don get to not tell your sister and then he gets a 20 year old Asian mistress and they go through the divorce and you're like, oh, yeah, you know a couple of years. That's funny It's funny. You should mention the worst thing that ever happened to you a couple years ago I saw signs of this that I personally found concerning and I didn't tell you because So how's your suicidal ideation? It was really bad at the beginning.

0:12:18 Tom: Shit.

0:12:19 Eli: Is that better these days? You have to all the way tell, and I have to be clear, this is not like a, hey sis, check out his social media sometime. You might want to know. I think you should stand up at Thanksgiving dinner when everyone is saying what they're thankful for and scream it through a megaphone.

0:12:36 Thomas: And one of us is thankful for asian bot accounts or

0:12:41 Tom: I will say, I know you guys are going to tease me about this. Like, I think this is cheating adjacent. Let me describe, let me describe like what's being commented on. Okay. So the first picture that he's commenting on.

0:12:47 Thomas: Maybe more detail yeah

0:12:51 Eli: This is the closest one. You're biasing them with the first. I'll admit the first one is the Closest

0:12:55 Tom: First

0:12:55 Thomas: Are the other ones like supportive like very

0:12:58 Tom: A woman in lingerie, right? She's wearing panties and like a bustier on top. And he she's replies to it. Hi, where are you located?

0:13:06 Eli: No, no. No, see Tom. You are already lying about this man. You already blaspheme - you're already fucking what's that thing slandering him

0:13:12 Tom: I'm sorry. He says, hi, Kim. Where are you located?

0:13:15 Eli: Cuz so Kim says in her message to his face To him, she asks for help. She says, 40 and single, help threads, crying emoji. So he wants to help.

0:13:27 Tom: I'm so yeah. Yeah. That made it better. Yeah,

0:13:30 Eli: He's got single friends. He wants to hook her up.

0:13:29 Thomas: Important context very important supportive yeah yeah

0:13:30 Tom: That made it. Better. Yeah Right.

0:13:35 Eli: Dave just finished his divorce. Hi, Kim. Where are you located? I'm sure he has some lovely gentleman in his life he'd like to introduce her to.

0:13:36 Tom: Yeah I don't know why what what's happening is that he's cheating he's just bad at it That's what's happening here. He first stages of trying to cheat. It's just that he's an idiot and he's bad at it.

0:13:57 Thomas: You wonder how many men more would cheat if they were able to. You got to think there's a lot of men out there that are just this level of incompetent at it. They would be cheating.

0:14:06 Tom: A thousand percent. But, like, you to my idea that if you would want to know, you have an obligation to tell if you do know. You didn't like that, Thomas. You made noises at that.

0:14:14 Thomas: I don't like that a broad rule because I do have a firm, I can pretend I wasn't here and I'll forget in 10 minutes anyway and I don'T want to mess with anyone's business. I have that competing as well. I do think in this instance, going great.

0:14:29 Eli: How's that going, Thomas? Thomas, genuine

0:14:33 Thomas: So many things I've seen that were embarrassing for somebody that I just forgot about. Isn't that better? Like, isn't that don't, dude, I can't think of what this, if my wife were commenting on Asian bot, you're right. I would want to know just cause that'd be fucking awesome. That'd be so funny. That would be so fun. Should I take that energy inner to this woman and be like, Hey, funniest thing ever is happening. Your husband.

0:14:32 Tom: Things you would wanna know if they happened in the reverse. Because that's the standard, right? Like, hey, if this were happening, I would wanna

0:14:49 Eli: Because... Hey, husband he's doing this great bit see why I can't ignore when anyone is doing a thing that's potentially life -ruining because my brain writes a joke about it instantly and then I'm like great joke eli who can we tell this joke to and they're like well wait until the genocide in myanmar finishes before you tell the joke and I'm all right if you say so so you know it's tough both sides represented no

0:15:10 Thomas: It's so good. But this one is because here's the thing, because it's something that's publicly visible. I think it's fine. Look, there's times when I witness, you know, I accidentally witness someone scratching their ass and I'm like, just random crap like that where I'm my my brain brain will forget this in 10 seconds. You know, but I mean that kind of thing where it's like, ah, this is embarrassing. Like, oh, I accidently heard a conversation I wasn't supposed to. Fortunately, I don't care about what's going on with anyone. I'm not a gossipy gossip. So I just forget. And it's, I think it's better. Cause I don't want to be a busy body. Was walking in the hall and I overheard that this I'd rather just fucking, you know what? I wasn't supposed to hear that. So I didn't hear it.

0:15:50 Tom: Nothing but

0:16:12 Thomas: Don't care.

0:16:13 Eli: Now, Go

0:16:13 Tom: Okay, hold working on, what if the same scenario, but like they called you to their house and said, hey, there's a bug on my computer. You're good at computers. I can't figure these things out. Can you fix my computer? You go to their computer and you find this. And you find the same stuff you tell your sister.

0:16:25 Thomas: No, the answer is no. I

0:16:32 Tom: So now it's not publicly available, but you saw it because you were, you know, you called over to help with some tech thing.

0:16:32 Thomas: Think I would confront the guy. In that situation, I'd be like, Hey, this, what are you? This is what?

0:16:42 Tom: And tell him to hide his tracks better. I

0:16:44 Thomas: If it's yeah, I'd be like no no I'd Be like this is dumb like I That's my right like if something's so fucking stupid.

0:16:52 Eli: Discovers an affair of his family member's loved one, and he's like, you're a fucking idiot, man.

0:16:58 Thomas: It's not a fair that we're

0:16:59 Eli: That's gross.

0:16:59 Thomas: Talking about this Commenting on bots that like look if it isn't a fair then then I have a different response I don't know what it would be god. I don' even wanna

0:17:07 Eli: Bet it's exactly the same, Thomas. I don't know if you've looked inward yet. I bet it's exactly the fu - That's stupid.

0:17:09 Tom: Going to say, I'm not seeing any difference for you at all. You're just like.

0:17:13 Thomas: I think if it's a family member and I find out about an affair, I think I would have to say something. Because that that's is too far.

0:17:19 Eli: Okay, now here's a question. As a fellow non-monogamous, would you feel obligated to then tell said family member that monogamy is slavery? Because I deal with that all the time. Someone will be like, are you kidding? It happens all the... Why do people in your life break up? Because they're cheating on each other and she wrote a message and blah, blah, and I'm

0:17:31 Thomas: How often are you seeing people cheat on people? Oh, okay. Oh, wait, you have all these unemployed friends who live at their parents' house and all they do is fuck each other in the wrong combinations.

0:17:42 Eli: Just like, yeah, all they do is fuck each other without permission. Yeah, it's this whole thing.

0:17:48 Thomas: Yeah, I get it.

0:17:48 Eli: In the wrong combinations of permission. They have permission from each other, at least as far as I know. Yeah, and then they cry to my wife about it, and I'm like, have you decided to stop playing pretend? You should stop playing pretending. You seem upset that the floor is lava. And then everybody's like, Eli, leave the room! And so I do.

0:18:06 Eli: Go back to liking those sweet, sweet ladies on threads.

0:18:10 Thomas: Man, that's funny. Could never speak to this person again. If you see someone doing this, that is the most... Yeah, it's too cringe.

0:18:16 Tom: It's too cringy for, yeah, you're just like, yeah. You're just a cringe fucking factory. Right.

0:18:21 Eli: Don't know if I've told this, and

0:18:25 Thomas: Hi, your partner's having an affair.

0:18:27 Tom: Let's apologize.

0:18:29 Eli: Have I told you guys about the

0:18:32 Thomas: I thought you were just going to reveal where

0:18:32 Eli: Moment I had with my sister?

0:18:34 Tom: Don't know.

0:18:35 Thomas: Her partner was cheating on her and you just told it on...

0:18:37 Eli: Where a partner was I didn't tell her. Got No,

0:18:38 Tom: With Filipino bots on Instagram or whatever.

0:18:42 Eli: So I an Instagram just for following thirst traps, right?

0:18:47 Thomas: Yeah.

0:18:47 Eli: Don't use my main Instagram to follow thirst traps. I'm a father. But I have a private account for following thirst traps. I don't comment. I respectfully enjoy the content that's being created by these content creators. Did not realize when you create a secondary thirst trap account, it suggests to your friends on Instagram.

0:19:11 Thomas: My God. Yeah. This is the stupidest thing.

0:19:13 Eli: You should be friends with this person. Now the new account, because I don't believe in complete anonymity in any part of the internet, did have my first name in it. So my sister texts me a screenshot of her suggested friends being like, hey, is this you? And I was like, no. Nope.

0:19:35 Thomas: My god. So didn't have that quite that happened. But I remember one time there for some reason I was going to talk to somebody about.

0:19:41 Eli: Matched with your brother on Tinder.

0:19:43 Thomas: No, it was like it to talk on one of those apps for I think it was because they want to talk about a drug related thing. I was like, OK, fine, I'll get on the app. And then it was do you want to add this person? Do you want it? I was that I already hate this. Like, you know, it know I'm on the.

0:19:58 Eli: Yeah, Telegram.

0:19:58 Thomas: And yeah, and I'm like, why is it whatever the point of this app is, I thought it wasn't that, you. Know, like, I don't have time to.

0:20:03 Eli: Whenever a new friend adds Telegram, I message

0:20:06 Thomas: You probably saw me.

0:20:06 Eli: Them because I get those notifications too.

0:20:08 Thomas: You probably. Saw me on it. And it's like. What?

0:20:08 Eli: I messaged them, why are you buying drugs? And 100 % of the time, someone's like, oh shit, what happened? And I'm like, nah, it's the only reason to use Telegram. It's because of drugs. You should buy drugs from these guys.

0:20:22 Thomas: What a dumb. Fucking. World. We lit. What the fucking. Apps man. The apps. I'll turn into Tom. That interaction. Made me turn into. Tom.

0:20:30 Eli: I've taken all the apps off my phone. I'm a fucking Luddite. I have Blocklist on my computer so I can't access any of the news. I just play like one round of Magic the Gathering and I watch Reacher. That's it. I haven't

0:20:42 Thomas: Wait. You play magic. What. The hell. Let's get on it?

0:20:45 Eli: Told you this?

0:20:46 Thomas: No.

0:20:47 Tom: This a minute ago.

0:20:47 Eli: Yeah, you know what?

0:20:48 Thomas: When I was late.

0:20:49 Eli: It was before he got on. He was sewing his balls back together.

0:20:51 Thomas: Dude I did one I did I can't play magic anymore because they ruined it now everything is like magic the gathering slash you know fucking uh it's fun it is literally look I didn't mind that they were doing the novelty stuff but then they're adding those cards are going to be standard legal which is fucking stupid absolutely sup fucking dumb

0:20:59 Tom: Avengers or whatever, yeah.

0:20:59 Eli: SpongeBob SquarePants? Which fucking rules? Literally, yeah. Tournament, yeah! Which fucking wrecks? Some guy spent his whole life searching for the Black Rose to compare to his deck, and then I show up with SpongeBob SquarePants? Taps for two mana? That fucking rules.

0:21:17 Thomas: Spider -Man fighting SpongeBob. So dumb.

0:21:20 Eli: Love that shit.

0:21:21 Thomas: So I can't do it anymore. But there was one month like two, three years ago where I was like, oh, I used to play magic. Like I used play magic somewhat competitively. And so I got on Arena for a month and did a hardcore month trying to get the like top rewards level. And I was For like one hard month, I got to that. I think I couldn't quite get the highest level or the second highest level. And I just, I was like, that was good.

0:21:39 Eli: It's the best. I actually learned because of a suggestion you made a few conventions ago. Do you remember this? So you like had 10 conventions ago or one convention ago. What is time?

0:21:51 Thomas: No, no, I don't think. I don'T

0:21:57 Eli: You were like, hey, we should just buy a bunch of magic packs and like do a draft. One of these times when we get together, like that'd be a really good time. And I was like, wait a second. The place that we could do that is fucking Matreon, the pajama party, which is the one time a year I trick Thomas to hang out with me.

0:21:58 Thomas: Know. Oh, drafting is so fun. God, so fun Oh

0:22:04 Tom: Fun.

0:22:11 Thomas: Yeah. Love it. Don't have to trick me at all.

0:22:16 Eli: Tom and Cecil have yet to fall for it. They've avoided my clutches. I think we just gotta show up and do it at Tom's house, and then he'll be like, okay, as long as you promise not to be my ex -girlfriend.

0:22:24 Thomas: I can't see any of this.

0:22:27 Eli: Right, yeah, exactly, yeah. So... for I Noah's birthday this year, I got him and Lucindah the really nice starter kit. Not just the one that's like the two commander decks, but the one the has like the mats, explains all the rules, takes you through the matches with the two decks and the 60 card deck, 64 mat. So I got it for them. And then I was like, well, shit, I've taught Noah to play. I actually don't remember how to play this game since I was in third grade and I was too stupid, right? So I went on Arena, which teaches you really well and really quickly. And so, yeah, I - fully, fully sunk into Arena. I'm having a really...

0:22:38 Tom: That's awesome, yeah. Oh, it's awesome.

0:23:00 Thomas: Dude, let's draft. Let's do sealed deck. Let do whatever. Oh, it's so fun. I will do that all day and all night.

0:23:06 Tom: That's the best way to play now.

0:23:04 Eli: That's what I'm saying. We get a Matreon night going. Matreon Night, we just dump a bucket of boosters or whatever they are onto the table.

0:23:11 Thomas: 100%. And Eli, we are adults with money. We could buy like old boosters.

0:23:15 Eli: That's the thing.

0:23:16 Thomas: Yeah, we could do shit that's like cool and collectible. Oh so good.

0:23:18 Eli: That's the I grew up with everyone being like, magic's so expensive. Magic's so extensive. You know what it's not expensive for? A full -ass grown man.

0:23:27 Thomas: I mean, it still is. It depends on what you want to get.

0:23:29 Tom: It's still expensive,

0:23:30 Eli: More expensive than it should be for tiny pieces of paper. I get that.

0:23:32 Thomas: I guys guys in high school, I literally for went. Is that the past tense for for gone for goad for for went lunch in order to use that lunch money to buy a single pack of magic cards when I first got into it?

0:23:39 Tom: Let's go with it, let's go four went,

0:23:40 Eli: Forwent, forwent. Told us this, yeah.

0:23:47 Thomas: Yeah. And so I'd just be starving to death. And then I buy a pack of magic cards. And I was like, this is the best decision ever in my life.

0:23:52 Eli: Was great.

0:23:53 Thomas: It's so good.

0:23:53 Eli: I made a good choice.

0:23:54 Thomas: And now I realize, oh, wait, I can just secretly like make lunch. My mom left, so she already gave me lunch money. And so then I make lunch, and then it's a brilliant scheme. Truthfully, some of the best memories of my life were just doing that kid stuff where you're like, you really want some bullshit thing and you can buy like one of it, you know?

0:23:54 Eli: I love this. Absolutely.

0:24:10 Thomas: And then as an adult, you're Try all of this. That's no longer fulfilling in any way. But it will be really fun for us at Matreon.

0:24:10 Tom: It almost takes the joy out of it, but yeah, but not really.

0:24:19 Thomas: No, unironically, though, that would be super fucking fun. I would love that.

0:24:17 Eli: I it's great. And especially with our vibes, which are, shall we say, pretty competitive. Magic the Gathering, which is one of the most fuck you games possible. Pristine. Pristine.

0:24:36 Thomas: We're doing a show? Okay,

0:24:37 Tom: So we got another question. This question is from Matt. Is a longtime listener, first -time emailer. I'm curious about your different daily schedules as dads, and when, if ever, do you find the time to just be selfish and do your hobbies or do nothing at all? Wife and I have a toddler, tons of family support, and I still feel like I never have time to just relax for a couple of hours. Granted, we both work full time and I'm actively working toward changing careers, but I feel like every day is this constant continuum of parenting tasks. I don't know how you manage multiple kids or a neuro spicy kid, and I'm genuinely worried I'll completely disappear when we eventually have a second baby. Thanks, Matt. Now, disclaimer. I know Matt and I was the best man in his wedding.

0:25:19 Tom: So so I know, Matt, very, very well. And I want to say this, Matt.

0:25:20 Eli: Matt, what did you not learn from Tom? Go over to Tom's house and look at his bag soaked eyes. Learn your lesson.

0:25:29 Tom: Buy your shock watch now. You You're worried that you're going to completely disappear. You will completely disappear like the first seven to 10 years. With two kids, like that's going to be what you do. Like you're not going to have a couple of hours in a day, maybe a couple hours in week, maybe with family support.

0:25:53 Thomas: Yeah. You know, this shit's all relative. I think about because for me, I just realized like, oh, wait, all my shit doesn't apply because it's just work. Like I just work all 24 hours a day. And I realize other humans don't do that, I guess. I realize like, if we just had kids and day jobs, fucking A, that be over the moon. So it is all kind of relative. So That does leave you with quite a bit. You know, like when the kids go to bed, you get some nice quality time with the wife. You get to occasionally you can have them stay somewhere and do something. If you have grandparents, you might be able to go on a little trip possibly. So there's stuff here and there. But it might be just you do have to change your standards because relative to no kids, that all probably sounds insane.

0:26:40 Eli: Yeah. Always.

0:26:41 Tom: Thing is like, I'm goofing around, but like once you have kids and then you've got a full -time job, et cetera, then like you are the thing that comes last in that equation. Right. Because, and that's From now on. And that's the only appropriate way to do it. And the difference, I think, between good parents and bad parents is good parents understand that and they live by that rule.

0:27:04 Tom: And bad parents prioritize themselves over their spouses, over their work, over your kids, whatever. And then, you the ones who end up making shitty, selfish, asshole -ish decisions down the road. But like, you're going to be the thing that you do last. That's how that works. Like, you will be the

0:27:20 Thomas: But what you importantly, you can alternate if of assuming just not like two parent situation, both in the picture. You can kind of alternate to let the other partner have their their selfish time. So you can be like, hey, you get to be the priority for yourself for, you

0:27:40 Eli: Yeah. It's, so it's, a combination of what you both said for me. Right. Which is that you have to re think what it means to have me time. Right? Cause me time used to be a week long trip with my buddies, right? Like literally me and my buddies used to just like go up to Maine and rent a cabin for super cheap. That's like a, a snow cabin, but we'd rent it in the summer where it was 90 bucks a day. And we just fucking smoke pot all day and talk magic.

0:27:52 Thomas: Go to Europe. Yeah.

0:28:05 Eli: And like, that was what. Having fun was, and now having fun is different. And to speak to what Thomas said about finding those compromises with your partner, you need to be in conversation with your about taking time for yourself, right? So for me, Wednesday nights are my night, right. I finished my classes. I come home, I record scathing.

0:28:04 Thomas: Magic the Gathering, baby. Yeah, yeah.

0:28:28 Eli: And when I'm done with scatting, I lube up, I loop up and I slip inside into a man's ass. No, I, I finished with my record, and then I am gone for that evening. I usually have lunch with a friend in the city who I haven't seen in a couple of weeks, and I will go to the jam with the magicians that I meet once a week, and that is my night for me. And that's pretty much the time I get to ask. And I'll tell you, you gotta be negotiable about that, right? Anna plays fiddle gigs and so she'll have concerts coming up or contra dances that she's playing or she'll work a really cool gig and it is a sacrifice, right? And that mindset shift fucking sucks, right, everything the other person does costs you something, right. You just got to get used to that. It's Right. Not a bad thing. Right. Because at first, when it happens, your brain goes like warning, warning,

0:28:28 Thomas: Lubes up. Yeah? Yep.

0:29:22 Eli: Because when you were first together, right, when they went and did a fun thing, you were like, fuck, yeah, babe, have a great time. And now when they go and do something fun, you're like, well, fuck me. Right?

0:29:31 Thomas: Yep.

0:29:31 Eli: And you got it.

0:29:32 Thomas: And you have to and this is maybe more a me thing just because of evil the dirty trash goblim that lives in my brain that some of us were were enough be to raised with. But then you also need to not fucking ruin it for the person. Like it feels awful that you are you up. And sometimes when your partner is having their alone time, some bullshit happens with the kids. It's like hard to manage. And especially as a dad and because our society expects more from mothers. That does from fathers. There's such a strong temptation to be like, oh, well, but this is impossible. Hold on. I got to call my wife. Hey, they've got this. And it's like, you just you got to figure it out.

0:30:09 Thomas: I to dude. Can be rough because our society has ruined us quite a bit with this.

0:30:14 Eli: Well, and your kids want their mom, right?

0:30:16 Thomas: That too. Yeah, that's true. Not that they do too. And, but for me, there's things where I ought to be able to do this better. And fortunately, I'm also the kind of person who put me into the frying pan or whatever, and I'll figure it out. You know, like I'm not good. If you ask me in advance, well, how are you going to manage when this happens? I'll be like, I have fucking, how many kids do we have again? Like what? But once it happens, it's very important.

0:30:42 Eli: Such a key point that I want to touch on again, which is that the feeling of resentment, of exhaustion, of a little bit of pressure, of anger, those are normal. Those are healthy. Those are a team, right? You're working together. Sometimes you're going to carry more of the load. Sometimes, you're gonna carry less of the Load. That's okay. It's okay to feel how you feel. It''s not okay to lay that at your partner's door.

0:31:08 Thomas: A question I have for you guys, because this has been my of that active active. Perhaps I won't call it argument, but active conflict sometimes with with Lydia and I and then she'll be editing. So you can speak to both of us. It's great. Deal with that.

0:31:21 Eli: Lydia Cut just booms in.

0:31:22 Thomas: Has been. Yeah, my thought was the deal with that was, OK, great. Awesome. Have your time. You can't come back tired because then what happens is I've been watching the kids for however long. And they sometimes if they start fighting, if it's a bad thing, it's the worst and I'm going to die. And when partner comes back from their fun relaxation time. They need to be able to take the fuck back over pretty quickly, you know, like that. And so like we had some times where partner comes back tired and that made a little bit of resentment. Not going to lie, that was a little conflict. And I do think that like if that's going to happen, that's got to be priced into the deal. Like I need to know, you A little bit of conflict on that. But I feel like that should be the deal, right? You can't come back too exhausted to parent or I need to know about it.

0:32:10 Eli: And you and you gotta... right or or I need to know about yes exactly and I've been in exactly that spot as well I've put anna in that spot and she's had to be like hey so you were awful tired from your long night the other night and then I who had been doing all the parenting when you're covered in lube and all those people you were just covered

0:32:26 Thomas: And you're covered in lube. And your shit on the floor. I don't know all the comments.

0:32:32 Eli: Easy shit on the floor yeah so like

0:32:34 Thomas: That part's fine. Normal. You always do that.

0:32:36 Eli: But again, it's about communication, right? It's about Communication. The other thing I will say is that that kind of communication is not fun. It's not sexy. It is not romantic. It isn't shiny. It doesn't look like movies. It does not look like TV. It looks like books. It works as a team. And it sucks. Yeah?

0:32:53 Thomas: Yeah.

0:32:53 Tom: Add this to like can fall into a trap to where in your zeal and you're sort of and it makes sense right near zeal to make sure that you carve out some time. That's just your time to do the things that are your independent personal hobbies. And then like you've got work and then you've Got all the work of taking care of your kids and then, you know, your wife is carved out or you guys have worked together to carve out time. Don't carve out time that's for the two of you. None of that will happen naturally anymore right and like it's also really hard like if your favorite thing to do involves hanging out like like like I don't really have any hobbies that are like just mine except for working out right the only thing that I like to do that's just mine that I don just working out. So like if I go ride my bike or work out in the basement, like whatever. But like all the rest of the time, like it's like I want to spend like that. If I have any spare time, I want it hanging out with my wife, which means we can't do the divide and conquer

0:33:20 Thomas: That's the bummer. Yeah. Shocking yourself.

0:33:47 Tom: Piece. Right.

0:33:47 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. That is difficult. And

0:33:49 Tom: And that's tough.

0:33:50 Thomas: It becomes depressing. Yeah that like oh great we could and I was just going to say that earlier too it's like well you could do more than one night a week it's kind of up to how much you and your partner want to do this for each other but it does get pretty sad where it's oh but it always has to be separate you know it's hard and especially with us we don't have

0:34:09 Eli: Right. Grandma isn't down the street.

0:34:11 Thomas: Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. As much as the, what's that fucking show? The Ray Romano. The Ray. What was his show?

0:34:18 Eli: Everybody loves Raymond.

0:34:19 Thomas: Everybody Loves Ray. They had the in -laws, it's always the joke that they're annoying and live next door. But now, in this day and age, I'm like, fuck, but that'd be great for childcare.

0:34:28 Eli: That'd be so good. Yeah, and that's how a lot of people manage, right? And to be clear, and I talk about this all the time, it is a very new concept not to live in the same house as your parents, right, it's like 50 years old.

0:34:41 Tom: So. Other thing that I would do, and this, I would really actually do this with a pen and paper is I would write out like -negotiable time. So like, in other words, like you've got time in your day that you don't have any control over, right? So like work, for example, work is time that you get to call. And then you've time around the kids that you Start carving that out, right? And putting a number next to it. One, two, three, four, five, whatever it is. Then carve out time for you as a couple and decide that that time is more important than the time for your personal hobbies. And you come in after that. Because if you don't, you will shortchange yourself as a You get to sleep for college. Most people are going to sleep, what, seven, eight hours. So now I'm at 16 hours. I've got eight hours of time left. I'm going to chew up a couple hours in the 20,

0:35:41 Thomas: Tom calculating so hard what normal humans do. Most people sleep for, God, three, three and a half hours. How much could a banana cost? $10, you know, he's doing that kind of thing. Most People shock themselves only 10 to 20 times a day. So, let's see, price that in.

0:35:46 Tom: 30 minutes, right? Yeah, you guys. But it's

0:35:47 Eli: 40 minutes. Just the, just the once.

0:35:55 Tom: Fine. But, but for real, if, if don't prioritize those things and like literally write down the order of their priority, then you will naturally do the wrong thing. Will naturally the wrong. And if you do that, like the people talk all the time about like after a certain number of years falling into that roommate zone with their spouse.

0:36:17 Tom: That's why That's a big part of why, because you've got all these non -negotiables and then the negotiable you carved out for you. And then you carved it out for her and you did not carve out time as a priority in front of you for yourself as a couple. And when you don't do that over time, that connection gets lost.

0:36:37 Eli: Yeah, I mean, Anna and I have two dates a month rule that we stick to really hard. One thing that I will tell you how to make that feasible is that your old definition of date. Needs to change. Because I remember your old definition of day. It was great. First, we go for a walk and then it's time for brunch. After brunch, it's for a quick matinee. Then we head for lunch and then dinner and then there's a late night movie and then the sex party at eight and then at midnight when that guy finally comes from the mistress allowing him to, we head home at four in the morning. Sometimes a date is a picnic, right? Sometimes a day is just dinner and hanging out and getting off your phones, right. Will have to recategorize what time together means.

0:37:21 Thomas: So Eli's idea of a date had to turn into my like date, like my top most amount of date. How weird, though, gents, how weird is that first time where you and your wife either go on a trip or do something where you're both not with the kids is the is the most awkward time where like, fuck, are we allowed to do this? I don't.

0:37:28 Eli: But like, uh, it was so low. It was during COVID. And so we got takeout and we went to a park and just sat on a park bench. I think Max was like. 10 weeks, 12 weeks, something like that. Sat on a park bench while my mom was just in the house with him and ate the food. It was just being on a bench where we weren't needed and eating the food for 30 minutes. And it was, it was so strange. It

0:38:10 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's so interesting.

0:38:13 Tom: And I will say like my ex and I, because they were talking about when we had like little kids. Cause like, obviously Haley and I like, we fucking went to Australia together. Like right away after we got, and just were like, Oh, nanny's going to watch the kids.

0:38:22 Thomas: They just leave the kids home. Nobody, yeah.

0:38:24 Tom: We had a nanny to watch the kids and we had family support to help like we like Haley's mom came in for for a week. So we've we've done that. That's how our relationship was built or structured, because this is a second marriage and our kids were a little older. But like I will say, like with my ex, we literally never once did anything like that because we found out is that like were very happy doing our own personal things. Like I had carved out all of this time and I was very happy spending because we enjoy time together.

0:38:50 Thomas: So the kids were almost a convenient way to avoid that time.

0:38:52 Tom: Kids were, yeah. And that's, that's super common too. It's like, oh, cool. Like I will take this time and take Finn out and go do this and take, you know, we'll have, I'll go do the stuff and be super dad. And like the whole time you're neglecting the fact that you're in a bad relationship. Now I know for certain Matt is in a wonderful relationship. Matt and Lindsay are two of my favorite people in the world. So that's not the case there, but it's general advice. Like you've got to carve that out.

0:39:14 Eli: Let me throw this out there. I think your relationship's in trouble, Matt. I don't know you, but I hear it behind your voice. You're gay. Know Matt. It's time to live your truth. Leave your wife and child behind.

0:39:18 Tom: It is not.

0:39:30 Eli: Dear old dads. Else? Nope, that's it. All right, Matt, you're gay, go and be free.

0:39:28 Tom: Jesus christ no jesus jesus oh my

0:39:45 Eli: Gentlemen, before we leave, why do sex workers wear high heels? Because they don't want to sell themselves short.

0:39:54 Thomas: Like that. Oh,

0:40:01 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads .com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILf, tom smith who also wrote and recorded the intro music which is used with his permission this podcast is a production of daddy issues llc copyright 2022 all rights reserved

0:40:44 Eli: Don't use my main Instagram to follow thirst traps. I'm a father.

0:40:49 Thomas: I can assure the audience I have ejaculated by now. By

0:40:53 Tom: Shock watch now. You

0:40:56 Eli: Joke eli who can we tell this joke to and