DOD176: Someone Named "Tom" Is Here and Says He Used to Be On the Podcast?

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and utter dependence. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

0:00:22 Clip: Telling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's, hey, whoa, out of the hospital.

0:00:31 Thomas: Oh my God. Who's that? Fuck. Oh Mike. Yeah. Whoa. Scared the shit out of me.

0:00:40 Tom: I was going to say joined, oh, smallie.

0:00:33 Eli: Stranger oh oh is that david smalley

0:00:45 Tom: I don't ever get called small unless I'm in bed. Yeah, no, I was gonna say joined as always, but I guess I'm not the one. I'm the one that doesn't always join.

0:00:53 Thomas: Well, no, we, yeah, we're

0:00:55 Tom: So, yeah, always joined by you guys. Yeah. So it still works.

0:00:55 Thomas: Always, no but, but you're always joined by us. Puzzles? Yeah.

0:01:00 Tom: It still works when

0:00:58 Eli: Let's no we can workshop this on air this is good so joined when I am here is probably a better new intro you

0:01:05 Tom: I feel like it. Yeah, I you know, the thing. I just really wanted to take a vacation. You know, I needed I needed a fiver.

0:01:11 Eli: Just need a little snooze

0:01:14 Tom: You You know, I needed a fiver. I actually did have planned, funny enough, I did have planned the two weeks of the year as my vacation for my day job.

0:01:12 Thomas: So he found some poison. And coincidence?

0:01:15 Eli: In convenient

0:01:25 Tom: So that did work out in the sense that I was definitely not working at my day jobs during those two weeks.

0:01:33 Eli: I can't make it my vacation that's already planned. And I can't help but notice that you and Haley weren't around the house a lot. Maybe on an all-inclusive beach vacation? That's what I thought.

0:01:43 Tom: Yeah, that's it. That's it, we were definitely...

0:01:47 Eli: Just sitting at a Sandals. I'm telling them that you're pooping out your butt some more. Those idiots.

0:01:57 Tom: Of all, Eli Bosnick, how dare you think that I would go to a Sandals? Like, I feel like that's the.

0:02:04 Tom: Did I ever tell you about the time we did go to A Sandals Resort as a.

0:02:08 Eli: It to claim your mom's body? And then she sat up out of the morgue drawer and was like, nah, I'm good. Didn't want to pay for a hotel. Yeah

0:02:17 Tom: Right before in 20, I don't know, 2018 or so, right before I had my back surgery, like literally the weekend before I was there. I had back surgery. I was like, hey, we should take a long weekend because I'm going to be recovering for a minute. So it might be nice. It's wintertime. We'll take kind of a last -minute long weekend somewhere. I didn't even care where. When you're buying last -minut tickets, it's kind of like a beggars can't be choosers type of thing. And so I found a deal for a Sandals in Jamaica. Jamaica I have never left a I've never left a long weekend vacation early before until Sandals Jamaica I can't even it was like spring break for the 50 year old set like at one point I'm like I'm trying to pretend that I'm adjacent to the idea of fun and I'm in the ocean and I am just kind of waiting around and there's I hate hate the ocean.

0:03:08 Eli: A thing you hate a thing you hate for context listener that would be like me and Thomas being like so I'm trying to enjoy myself in a vat of spiders right I'm just trying to relax up to my neck in spiders

0:03:20 Tom: It's a, you're not wrong. You're not even remotely wrong. Like I waited into the ocean and there's like, everybody there is like 50 plus and there, and they're all partying so hard. They're drinking like these big, like yard long things of booze and ringing this bell like crazy. And then some guy pukes in the ocean, like 20 feet ahead of me. And I'm like, I was like, Like, I can't, I can't be here.

0:03:39 Thomas: Ruined the whole ocean. Everyone, everyone out of the ocean.

0:03:45 Tom: Everybody out of the ocean.

0:03:41 Eli: Nature's way this guy wrecked it this

0:03:48 Tom: I gotta drain

0:03:48 Eli: Guy wreaked the ocean

0:03:49 Thomas: They have to put a big tarp over the ocean

0:03:52 Eli: Ocean's closed for the rest of the day everybody buddy. You

0:03:54 Tom: It and clean it, and it's a whole thing. We left a day early. I just looked at Haley. I was like, we're not, I would just rather be, I'd rather have back pain at home. I thought it would be nice actually to be in crippling pain in the sun, but it's not. This is terrible.

0:03:56 Thomas: See some guy vacuuming the ocean

0:04:10 Eli: Know that moment where they put me to sleep for a second? That was actually way better than this. Could they just take me in and out of anesthesia for 72 hours instead?

0:04:23 Tom: So, um, yeah, so obviously we got to address the uh, I don't know, the fucking elephant in the hospital room. So Haley, uh, and I, I, I said it before well

0:04:30 Eli: I wish you wouldn't talk about her that way, Tom. That's not nice. I know she's been going through a lot, but you really can't talk About your wife that way.

0:04:33 Tom: She's definitely not dude she's lost so much weight holy shit that lady has lost like a frightening amount of weight like if no

0:04:43 Eli: She didn't have a lot to lose.

0:04:44 Tom: No like in terms of percentage of her total body weight it's I mean it's a frightening number But it's like, yeah, it's also just like at a percentage basis. It's crazy. So, yeah. Haley is real sick. She's still very sick. Spent a total of seven days in the hospital. Spent our Christmas week in the hostel, Christmas Day in the hostel. Super festive, by the way.

0:04:45 Thomas: A hundred oh

0:04:52 Eli: Festive

0:05:05 Thomas: Wait and the only thing worse than the hospital is the auto ads that's right it's the unidentifiable illness of your podcast podcast listening experience

0:05:14 Tom: It's the nurse ratchet of. Of yeah

0:05:11 Eli: Hands yeah it's the attendance record of podcasting experience but hey but you know what that means Tom's got some medical bills to pay people and there's never been a better time to kick in over at patreon .com forward slash dear old dads commercial free version of every show special bonus episode this week the redemption of Heath then right question my question find out over at patreon .com forward slash dear old dads all yeah no tom did not get paid for the time he was away

0:05:22 Tom: Sorry oh my god you're sure right I do that's

0:05:26 Thomas: It's true for real maybe plus you need to donate extra because we're docking tom's pay naturally so for that yeah for that money to

0:05:52 Tom: Fair no

0:05:53 Eli: And we charged hayley which was weird of us I just kept sending her zell requests you can't even send a zell request but I did

0:05:53 Thomas: Get to tom you're gonna have to oh there there's interest yeah so it's gonna oof

0:05:53 Tom: That yeah that's fair yeah yeah I don't even know how that works right yeah

0:06:04 Eli: You're there at Christmas now Tom I want to hear about your experience but as someone who's been in the hospital at Christmas multiple times is there anything fucking funnier than the heroes working at hospitals trying to do a little bit of Christmas in the hell dimension they inhabit have it like oh yeah no there's always like a little desk tree or like someone walks in wearing a santa hat and they're like a lady's baby just died um hi it's the fucking best little

0:06:22 Thomas: Do they bother father oh boy

0:06:36 Tom: They have, they did have the floor that we were on. They, it did have like a vestibule of Christmas, you know? Yeah. It had, it had that stuff. Nobody walked in with a Santa hat. I think, think they wouldn't have left with the Santa hat,

0:06:42 Eli: Tinsel yeah they they've they read the vibes of the room they were like oh no the are you in the cookie monster guy room yeah don't go in there with the santa head he's gonna be a real piece piece of work about it let tell you

0:06:58 Tom: But like like Here's the thing, a like few observations let me say about this experience. So first of all, like, are they heroes? I don't know. I think they're the low man on the totem pole that drew the shit straw because they have the least amount of seniority and they got stuck working Christmas. That seems like, really, who was there during the week of christmas I I I really think that that's the case during we're kind of like hit with this, like, don't know how many times whammy of like bad luck of getting sick at this particular time, because like all the news reports, if you look at them are like, oh, my God, Illinois is inundated with norovirus, COVID, flu and RSV all at the same time. Hospitals are fucking jam packed. They are like like the emergency room that we had to go through to get admitted. We waited six and a half hours before we were even seen in the emergency room just

0:07:49 Eli: There's a bunch of fakers like you in there is the problem and it's probably

0:07:52 Tom: And it's like we're at downtown chicago and it'S like some shit out of fucking er there's like people like passing out like I'm not even kidding I

0:07:52 Eli: Some real people yeah

0:08:01 Thomas: Should have just like shot her just to also to be like hey also

0:08:04 Eli: Where

0:08:04 Tom: Think they would have made him wait I think they would've made her wait I don't even know it

0:08:06 Eli: Did you shoot her sir you're not the first one to try this trick the leg okay go back and take a scene I shot myself in the leg so I I could get my 15 this afternoon, sir. I'm going to need you to sit back down and, yeah, yeah.

0:08:11 Tom: Was yeah right well you have to earn your you have To earn your bullet rest that's What you got to do you got To earn you're you're bullet Rest so

0:08:24 Eli: Sit back down, and fill out this form. I'm gonna ask you all the questions, too, in 10 minutes.

0:08:28 Tom: Like when Haley started Getting sick we message right Away we message her her actual Like gastroenterologist her Actual doctor and they're like Yeah sorry it's Christmas week Our clinic is closed we would Normally admit you through Clinic but you can't get Admitted through clinic you got To go to the emergency room or Like but that's that's the worst And it's also like really fucking dangerous because she's really sick and can't afford to catch something else right like so catching something else is bad and then you got to go to this emergency room that's got to have and I don't want to exaggerate but it's gotto have 60 70 80 people like in all states of fucking distress like vomiting the place smells like actual shit it's horrible

0:09:05 Thomas: That's the worst, God. And Tom, imagine if you had human empathy, like to be able to, yeah, it'd be awful.

0:09:09 Tom: That would be even worse yeah then

0:09:13 Thomas: Just imagine.

0:09:13 Tom: I would feel stuff for other

0:09:14 Thomas: Eli

0:09:14 Tom: People you know I tell you like Like nothing, maybe this is just me. Maybe this will like sound really bad on air for public consumption.

0:09:20 Eli: People drop their wallets all the time, let me tell ya! Tom cleaned up!

0:09:25 Tom: Nothing strips you, in my opinion, of your empathy for other people faster spending all of it on the person or people you're closest to in distress. What I mean by that is like, like Haley is in severe distress and like all of my thoughts are there.

0:09:42 Thomas: You don't have any bandwidth for anything else

0:09:43 Tom: And like everybody else in that room if they were all just if they all just died literally just died and they were like cool you're next in line I'd have been like oh thank god yeah I literally no part of me could possibly have spared a moment of heart space for any other person in that room if somebody else had been like yeah um I you know just would you take my my my son is dying of of super aids cancer I'd been like I don't care that doesn't mean anything to me I I don't that doesn't matter.

0:09:44 Thomas: For sure jeez well now you sound like eli when max's ipad needs

0:10:11 Eli: That's not... Yeah.

0:10:13 Tom: Like, I couldn't have cared any less. Like

0:10:13 Thomas: Charging you know

0:10:17 Eli: At least Haley's actually sick when you have that reaction, Tom. Check your privilege. I'm just walking around in emergency room mode all the time.

0:10:20 Thomas: Jesus

0:10:27 Tom: The other thing, is like, that when you go to the when you get admitted through the hospital, you get a minute, we get admitted. It's this whole fucking nightmare and they don't know exactly what's wrong. We still don't Know exactly what' wrong. We know, yeah, we know, we know kind of like, lab like tests show that like something's going on with her liver. So it's, it's there's some kind of involvement with her liver.

0:10:47 Tom: It's not good, so, so, all right. So we've got to talk about the liver thing. Yeah. Right. So we don't drink like, uh, like Haley has not had a drink in years. I haven't had a drink in two plus years. And Haley is not not somebody anyone would describe as overweight, right? You don't have to like calculate her BMI to look at Haley.

0:10:46 Eli: I do. Gotta cut back on the Christmas eggnog, Tom!

0:11:05 Eli: How mad am I at her? What movie is she in, Tom? Don't tell me how to live my life.

0:11:13 Tom: But like the fucking first hospitalist that came in or maybe the second, I don't know, that came into the hospital was like, yeah, you're, you know, your liver enzymes are elevated. Um, and so, you, we're not sure that's a new result and we're sure why that's happening, but you know it could be, you And Haley's like, I don't, I know, don't drink. I haven't had a drink in, four in years. And she's like well it could also just be, you know maybe need to lose some weight. Hayley's like are you, are you kidding? Like it's such a standard response. And then the lady's like oh well let me calculate your BMI. No, well but everybody could be healthier is what she said.

0:11:50 Eli: Hell yeah.

0:11:51 Tom: And I'm just like well yeah we could be healthier. That's why we're in the hospital, right?

0:11:51 Thomas: Healthier what might mean gaining weight that's

0:11:57 Tom: Yes. Like lost double digits weight in like a very short period of time. She's deeply malnourished. Like she's really fucking sick. Like, she's eating less than a hundred calories a day for the last 23 days. She is like, she is not doing good. Like she is doing well. And they're like, well, you know what I mean? Like, have you tried my fitness this pal in a little yoga and you're like what

0:12:19 Eli: I didn't send it. I shouldn't have sent her all those juice recipes.

0:12:22 Tom: It was genuinely on it was so rude it was just so like and so what what you like when you're in when you'RE part of the system so much of the system is a series of sort of like canned responses like well this is what I say when something like this is happening and you'RE like

0:12:26 Thomas: Insane yeah they don't don't even really look up from their clip ipad or whatever they're putting the stuff in

0:12:44 Tom: That fucking it's fuckin wild and then And when you're in the hospital in Christmas, like the lab is overwhelmed and they as much as said it, they're like, yeah, our lab is way behind. So we're just processing like emergency like stuff first, obviously labs triage, just like everything else. And it's Christmas. We're short staffed and there's this surge of illness. Illness so we actually like like some of the labs that were drawn like the first night we got there we were in the hospital for five days and we didn't actually get those lab results back until we got home two days later because like the lab is just so overwhelmed yeah

0:13:19 Eli: They were like, we wanted to test her blood, but it dried up. It evaporated. So So, um, can you come back in?

0:13:25 Thomas: Fossilized actually jesus

0:13:23 Tom: It was it just nightmare genuine like I think they saved your life like don't get me wrong I think I think the without without hyperbole we we went to the emergency room a number of times when we were inpatient twice and I think if we hadn't done those things she certainly would not have she was not able to take in enough fluids to survive so she certainly could not have survived without intervention like because there was no way without interventional fluids that that she would have made it through this there's just it's literally not possible so the amount of fluids they had to put in her uh saved her life but like we're not at a place where we know exactly what's wrong or what the answers are. There's a lot of follow up that has to be done. It's been a it's been a genuinely crazy making experience. And like the other thing, like Eli, you'll you'll I think identify with this, too, is I've discovered that there are only two categories of nurses in the world that exist.

0:14:20 Tom: There is the nicest nurse you've ever met in your entire life and you want to take them home and hug them and bake them cookies and make them your family. That's the first type of nurse and then there is the meanest least considerate son of a bitch ever to walk the earth like nurse pratchett ratchet has nothing on these people

0:14:27 Thomas: Every other nurse yeah there's

0:14:39 Eli: It. Yeah, you couldn't write Nurse Ratchet as some of the worst nurses because they'd be like, that doesn't make any sense. Come on. Are

0:14:45 Thomas: Well yeah telling

0:14:46 Tom: Like they're had a doctor who like the first doctor we saw were like okay like I think this is gonna help she was was so sweet and like she listened and she repeated things back she took good notes and she's like this makes sense I think we can do this that and the other thing and try to get to an answer this other person just came in like you said barely looked up was like yeah everybody could be just healthier and I'm just like that first of all can't just be a sentence that's true there has to be somebody who's maximally healthy

0:15:11 Eli: All the bad parts of her that got sucked out? Is that what has to happen? Sort of a yin -yang thing. If you're ever in the same room, you just become a normal person.

0:15:19 Tom: Like genuinely unbelievable and then like we had this nurse thank god it was like the last like like, 24, 36 hours that we're there. But, like, we had this night nurse who, like... They come in at, like 12 .30, 4 in the morning, 5 .30 6 in the morning, right? So they come in. They have to do... They do, like meds, vitals, draw, some other meds. Like, whatever. They're on this schedule. But none of... They don't try to sync up any of the schedules. So there's no attempt to, like sync up the schedule. Which means that, like there's not way you can sleep. Like you're just not going to get any sleep because somebody's coming in in the middle like at night and then in the middle of the night in the Middle of the Night the earliest part of the morning and then like the Sun is now blaring through the curtains and like because there's no blackout or anything so there's no way to sleep in the hospital it's not something people have ever done ever at all so this less nurse like she would come in and she just like bang knock on the door and just burst in flip on all the lights like four o 'clock

0:16:13 Tom: In the morning boom she did not like that lady did not give a shit and like at little grouchy about it and I said something I don't remember exactly what I said I was like god geez like sometimes they like the other nurses she's like you seem startled or whatever and I'm like well like we're trying to sleep like the others and I was just like oh my god I'm like other nurses have like knocked gently and she's like oh I knocked and I am like yeah no I used the word gently you know like that's a thing and like who likes to be woken up like bang and she just was like time to take your blood and just like stick stick stick and like fucking genuinely a miserable horrible experience.

0:16:13 Eli: Hell yeah, girl. Fuck yeah. Yeah

0:16:49 Thomas: There seems to be a set of humans on this earth who have just no theory of mind of any kind and the health insurance people I talked about on my show the health assurance people I there's a whole story uh they

0:16:55 Tom: Real.

0:17:01 Eli: Going through a lot right now thomas be careful they

0:17:01 Thomas: Are they are the the united health care there's an amazing pro publica story I went through that predates the the asshole getting killed.

0:17:08 Eli: Just went through a terrorist attack I don't know if you heard but this was their 9 -11 literally

0:17:11 Tom: I'm a terrorist.

0:17:10 Thomas: That's exactly. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah well they should have another 9 -11. They should have a 1822.

0:17:15 Eli: Equally and

0:17:15 Tom: You should have a series of endless 9 -11s until something changes.

0:17:17 Eli: Literally criminally speaking I

0:17:19 Thomas: They need to have. Yeah and there's one where it's like this.

0:17:22 Eli: Wish you'd stop saying that on air tom

0:17:23 Thomas: Without going into it too much basically it's the typical story of them trying to kill somebody. Like it's just like them. Trying Hey to kill someone. And there's it'll these phone calls that people got. The You records in discovery because Because, you happened to fuck over one person who was able to sue them. And that's all that can ever happen. And the phone records will be like, yeah, this guy's family. You know, the guy we're trying to kill. Yeah, his family keeps calling. God, they're a pain in the ass. They're so, like, they'RE just naggy. You know? They'RE just real naggy! And you're just like, do you not have... Even if I was an evil person, I'd be like... yeah. Naturally, that guy's familY is gonna be con... In a pro or con, theyRE gonna be CON him being killed. You know like...

0:17:25 Tom: Do you really? Jesus Christ. Yes,

0:18:02 Thomas: They're probably gonna you can't even do that basic like yeah well they'll be mad that makes sense they're like oh they're so pushy they're like oh don't kill my son you know it's like how do you not have the basic theory of mind to be like oh I understand even if I don't even empathize even if I just like use my not brain to be like what's the basic knowledge of what these other people will be feeling and doing it's so easy and yet half the people on this planet are like nah not doing it

0:18:29 Eli: No I'm a big believer in the philosophical zombie thing right which is that there's no evidence that other people are having a lived experience that they might just be like pretty complex mushrooms and I meet I meet like 20 people

0:18:39 Tom: You've seen they turned that mushroom into a walking robot now, right? Yeah. So I don't think you're wrong.

0:18:46 Thomas: It's pretty much

0:18:47 Eli: There's like there'slike 20 people I meet a week where I'm like if scientists tomorrow like yeah no that's just muscles and neurons firing like some bears can and make human noises I'd be like yeah sure all right yeah it's all it's all coming together but

0:18:59 Tom: You can actually boil Oil them in a pot and they don't feel the pain. And they're like lobsters. They're just a series of synaptic, yeah.

0:19:04 Eli: The nice nurses though the nice nurses man we had this nurse when anna was giving birth to max who took care of max and she was like the nice one she was the first nice one we got that woman could show up in the middle of this record and be like I'm just gonna start loading stuff into my car from your house and I'll be like let me help you guys I'm gonna pause for a second I'm helping inez load shit into her Erica, she looks like she's having a little trouble with the TV patient.

0:19:23 Tom: Man. Yeah. 100%. And to speak to what you were talking about, Thomas, there's this like, as a patient, I got to explain this. There's this insane delicate balance that nobody can get right where you have to advocate for yourself. And there's actually signage up that says, hey like ask questions like look stuff up like there's literally signs up so like you are your best advocate bring someone to help advocate with you like because like we're just like fucking shrug emoji right yeah but like if you advocate for yourself too much then you're a problem patient and a pain in the ass so what you're constantly doing is trying to like like massage the ego of these people and be like just you can stick

0:19:54 Thomas: Because we sure aren't going to help if literal signs you're on your own here good luck yep yep in supplicant mode yep you're like any

0:20:17 Tom: The tip in

0:20:17 Thomas: Of Elon Musk's employees you're just like hey yeah awesome when you woke Broke me up three times from 3 a .m. to 5 a .min. That was so cool. Hey, could you please give us some whatever, you know, food, water, something, take a blood?

0:20:19 Tom: It's and then they'll then they're put in the notes like patient isn't sleeping and you're like patient would love to sleep actually like you almost want to have like a call and response in the nodes right where you're just like literally impossible to sleep if you show up every 45 minutes right yeah I know right like like, you're not like burping me on the back. Like it's the also like, and I know like there's, there is an idea that needs to be dispelled that I keep holding because I need for it to have a truth that I recognize it doesn't have. And that, that need is that like, I had always thought that the way that medicine worked is that you got sick and then you went to the doctor and the doctor said, let's figure out what's wrong. And then they figure out What's wrong? And then based on what's wrong, they treat you. That is the case four and a half percent of the time. I've discovered is that most of the Time you go in and they say, well, be a lot of things.

0:20:40 Thomas: The third person thing.

0:20:47 Eli: Patient isn't fussy.

0:21:29 Thomas: Lose some weight, fatty. That's the first thing.

0:21:30 Tom: Let's try this thing. They just like, well let's just try this thing. And you'll be like, but like what's the cause? Like what is the cause. And they're just like, we don't really do the whole like find out what's right.

0:21:41 Thomas: Not at all.

0:21:41 Tom: We just try things out. And then if if you respond to them, it was probably that. Okay.

0:21:47 Thomas: And it's somewhat rational because it's also a calculus based on, well, it's likely this, but that would be too hard or expensive to try. So let's first try something that might be it probably like 20 chance but it's cheaper so and like it does make a certain amount of sense but it is disappointing we need that star trek fucking thing we need to do that just anything yeah I don't know it's something it's

0:22:09 Tom: We need a try meter or whatever the fuck it is. Right? A lot of the stuff that they wanted to try with Haley, like to speak to a specific experience. So like, she's got this like intense, unrelenting nausea. She can barely keep down anything. Right, and it's been a month now. She got, so she really came down this sick December 5th. So they're just like, like, all right, well, like, we're going to try Zofran. Now, Zoflan is a pretty well -tolerated, low side effect medicine that works like a goddamn miracle for most people. So I totally get it, right? Like, yeah, try some Zofan. We had Zofhan at home. Didn't work. Sometimes it works better through an IV. Awesome. Let's get her some fluids, rehydrate her, try something over. Doesn't doesn't work. You run into the problems, right? Because then the the second line of anti -emetic medications are fucking bonkers like when you look them up which you're supposed to do no have like really frightening side effects with really high incidence rates so like one of them is like yeah 12 of the time and particularly susceptible are women 12 ofthe time it can can cause something called tardive dyskinesia which is a neurological disorder that if it happens doesn't go away it's

0:22:57 Thomas: Like a vial of mercury yeah yeah yeah

0:23:21 Tom: Permanent and you're like well I don't want that and then they look at you like well what and then like the one doctor's like well I don't know what you want me to do you keep turning down these medicines and I'm like I understand and I m really sorry but like the medicines that are on offer respectfully like they have really frightening side effects with with like potentials that like, if you had an eight sided die, you'd be like, well, this might work, but if it doesn't, and I roll a seven, I have a permanent neurological condition. I'm like, I feel like, like,

0:23:20 Thomas: My god that can't

0:23:51 Tom: I feel Like a crazy person.

0:23:51 Thomas: Be be right really how that can't be right they how would they they wouldn't even no way they wouldn't do it is there any way they administer it that like mitigates that somehow yeah

0:23:54 Tom: It is. Yeah? No, I, I'm look, I'm, look, I look up this stuff on Mayo Clinic's website, you got to look up not just side effects, but you got a look up incidents of side effects. So because it doesn' t matter are something like 0 .01%, right? Like that's nothing that could just be a thing that happened that just is concurrent, right? But like the thing is that these anti -medic medicines like Reglan, Phenergan, Compazine, Halperidol, they're actually anti -psychotic medicines. They don't work by making your stomach feel better. They work by tricking your brain into ignoring the fact that you're stomach sick. That's how they work. So they're not stomach medicines. None of them are actually stomach medicines They don't they don't affect your stomach in that way. They're all medications that rebalance either dopamine or serotonin. And that's how they work. So they have neurological side effects because they're actually neurological medicines. Compazine is an antipsychotic. Like help her at all is an anti -psychotic. Like these are not like, Hey, let's just try it out. And then like, it's not like it's like, Oh, we'll try it. And it works a hundred percent of the time, but it has a 10 % rate of scary side effects. It works like 46 % of the time with it with

0:25:10 Tom: Like an 8 % rate a side effects, like, and then they like, look at you like you're the asshole because you're like, well, that is frightening. Like, I don't actually want to do something like what other, and Then you ask them like, what other choices do I have? Cause I've actually already already looked this up because I've been sitting for six and a half hours I've had time you know and they're just like at one point the doctor's like well I don't know you know what do you want me to do and I'm like suggest other things like let's find out what's wrong I feel like if we find out What's wrong we treat that then the symptoms would go away like so maybe we could try the the like find outWhat's wrong route and they get frustrated they get

0:25:10 Thomas: Jesus yeah I have an md whoa buddy

0:25:45 Tom: Like mad they're like the one guy said he's like that's not really what we do here the guy at the er is like that I don't I don't think we're going to be able to get to an answer and I'm like all right well this is the worst I don'T know what to do about any of this it's a very the the medical care system I will tell you like unless you walk in with like bones jutting out or like a clearly litmus test diagnosable easy snap answer type of thing it's it's pretty frightening system to be embroiled in because you can show up and be like yeah all your and they'll be like all your lab Webwork is all fucked up. Like, you're clearly sick, but we don't know why. And you're just like, all right, well, what do we do? Well, we can try a bunch of stuff that might or might not work and might fuck you up if it doesn't. You're like, alright, well that's not good either, right? Like, how place that we're in? Like it's it's a really it's been a really difficult space to it's been I'll tell you what like as the husband as advocate for somebody who's very very sick. I can't even express to you the amount of pressure to not make the wrong call

0:25:45 Thomas: We don't do that here yeah

0:26:48 Tom: Because like what if that medicine would have helped but also what if she is one of the 12 % or 8 % or 6 % or whatever it is and And then she ends up with like a permanent neurological thing. And I'm the one that pushed it. And I's the one who said, hey, let's try it. Let's just give it a go. An immense amount of pressure that like, I feel like somebody else who doesn't have the same kind of like lifelong, no experience in this, like degree in English lit, desperately just trying to Google, hoping they don't make the right wrong decision, fully aware that if you do, like, maybe you're the one who advocated to fuck somebody up. It's a really, like it's an impossibly difficult place to be like, break your arm. That's my, that's my advice. Like break your arms. So the bone sticks out, they'll fix that. Everybody's got that shit on lock. It's more complicated than that, it's a Really frightening place to be somebody's advocate because like the amount of of real like pushing that I'm willing to do is actually pretty low because if I make the wrong call like that's on us now in our relationship to have to like manage through that that's a I don't know how people do that I don'T know of the right like I keep thinking through this whole process like I am somebody who who tries really hard to think through to get to the right thing to do.

0:28:11 Tom: I have no idea what the right things to do is.

0:28:10 Thomas: There's your problem that's

0:28:13 Eli: Yeah. I mean, well, I think it's important. And I think you're speaking to a really universal experience, which is that I think, well

0:28:18 Thomas: Why yeah historically people are just like ambivalent on whether their wife lives or dies I I think that's how, historically,

0:28:24 Eli: That's a big part of it for sure. That would help. And I've told you that, but you keep saying, stop saying that on air. So I don't know, pick a fucking lane. No, I Think you're Speaking to a, a really Universal experience, which is that we are often put in medical charge of our loved ones early and often and at high risk. It's really hard to understand and grapple with that while that might be your responsibility, it's not your fault when that goes wrong, right? That you can sit there and you can Google and you Can look up things and you can do your best research and you make the best informed decisions and you can ask good questions of doctors, Like those things are all true. But at the end of the day, right, what you have to do is you cannot hold yourself at fault for when medical stuff goes wrong for your family. Right. If you act on doctor's advice, if you take the scientific consensus and things go wrong, the hard thing is realizing that you just got unlucky, that you didn't actually do anything capital W wrong. And I know people who spend their whole lives living in that. One of my dearest dearest friends in the world made medical decisions right after her mom had a stroke her mom reacted badly and spent the rest of her life with serious complications because of those medical decisions and nothing I have ever said has dissuaded her from the idea that she physically did that to her mom right?

0:28:25 Thomas: They've dealt with it.

0:28:25 Tom: That's true, right? Well, I the capital T truth to what you're saying. I do. I think there's no way for me to be responsible in a big moral sense, right, because I can't, And I've I've been very vocal about saying, like, I don't know anything like I don't want anyone to think I know anything I don't fucking know any thing like I have a degree in fucking reading books sometimes, you know, like that's like ask me some questions about that and I'll be like, that's an undergrad. I still don't know anything. I don't know anything.

0:29:57 Eli: Course, of course, yeah mhm, yeah I'm pretty sure hamlet is sad that's what you should do just use your degree stuff every time they ask you a question they're like so do you think you want to go with the zofran intravenously and you'll be like so here's the thing about capturing the ride okay he's talking about the safety children deserving how they was let go for him right he didn't they didn't take care of him him what what you you what I'm talking about my thing you talk about yours right

0:30:47 Tom: Yeah I but like you're not you're actually not like I I like there's all these signs like be your best advocate look stuff up like learn about your own condition you know ask questions and it's like okay but I I don't like you have very limited time you have very limited resources like

0:31:03 Thomas: There's no signs that say, like, do doctoring well. Be a doctor.

0:31:04 Tom: What yeah become an instant doctor and you're just like right

0:31:09 Thomas: Don't, don't, no,

0:31:07 Eli: Well and the other that those are in the back in the break room in the brake room they do have be a good doctor signs and and mostly they're covered in like you know pictures of people's kids and stuff but no but like and that's it's funny because often those like ask questions signs are for the fellow zombies right who just show up to the hospital and like yep foot fell off and I figured now is the time to figure it out and they're like well do you have diabetes do I have what now sounds like some kind of is that lgbtq and theyre like hey you see this sign that says google what the fuck I just said and over there tom's fucking opening grace anatomy being like I must properly diagnosed my wife oh

0:31:10 Thomas: I mean for, no. For them, for their staff, yeah. Don't wake up the patients all the time.

0:31:53 Tom: That's the look that's

0:31:54 Eli: Dr house won't you please enter stage left sure

0:31:54 Tom: The first you have like you know I'd like yes like I understand that I can't really be responsible but also like I am responsible right because like because I'm like I'm like lowercase are responsible but like I don't know I'm gonna I'm going to sleep next to this person for the rest of her life

0:32:14 Thomas: Well, yeah, also, when it comes something that important, it doesn't even matter. Like I don't look look if it's you know it's my elderly family or something you do your best you know you're like I think this is probably the best thing and uh you know that's something yeah yeah if it's if it's the love of my life it doesn't matter who's to blame it doesn't what oh okay after she's dead I can be like well it wasn't me like what is that that's nothing

0:32:25 Tom: You're not wrong no right yeah yes

0:32:30 Eli: Roll those dice on grandma I

0:32:36 Tom: Right yeah right right

0:32:42 Eli: Mean it helps me my first wife was yeah my first life was like I'm not having a heart attack that's an epi pen but you know you gotta take the wins and the misses

0:32:44 Thomas: Eli's the only psychopath is yeah yeah

0:32:43 Tom: Wait god it's god I fuck that's exactly it though you're just like it's just like like right and wrong doesn't change the pressure and it doesn't change the the like the overriding asshole clenching need to get right something that you are wildly like -equipped to get write and to do it like in a high pressure high time situation which is also like a weird space to be in because you have often like huge stretches of time with no new information where you're just sort of like -googling and looking up other stuff because you don't know what else to do with yourself and then someone comes in it's like well here's a new test result you know do you want to do this that and then you're just like well I got fucking can I I had six hours or two days of no information no idea what to look at and now we're sitting here and I feel like I've got to make a a decision in real time everything about it is horrible I just want to say like everything about the experience is just a nightmare on nightmares mares no

0:33:50 Thomas: So you don't recommend okay

0:33:54 Eli: Don't recommend getting super duper sick disagree

0:33:56 Tom: Zero fucking like a million out of ten do not, do not recommend, so but I

0:33:59 Eli: Should have brought your steam deck could

0:34:03 Tom: Like and I also like just to share like funny it's not remember to pack like I was when we were going to the hospital I'm like okay I gotta get hayley packed I gotta go to chargers for all these things gotta get her comfort items like because we're gonna be there for I don't know how long so like the hospital is cold like let's bring her an electric blanket like let's bring her her own pillow so she can sleep those beds are not comfortable like packing up all this stuff and I'm thinking about hayley the patient and I was like oh I should bring a change of underwear and I just brought myself a change of underwear and my toothbrush basically and and like we're there for five days we're there for Five overnights and

0:34:06 Eli: Have played out her wilds it's great sounds

0:34:33 Thomas: It was hers yeah yeah

0:34:40 Eli: Normal to me oh

0:34:41 Tom: I Was like I didn't bring me much of anything in this process like we had like two bags full of stuff like you know again just to try to like do what we could knowing how uncomfortable and like you know these spaces are and all of my time and energy is like focused on like okay like I gotta make sure that someone's taking care of the cats I gotta makes sure that like hayley's got what she needs I gotta make sure the you know the kids thankfully with their respective other parents but like you know I've got to like like let family know kind of what's going on there's like a lot of stuff you're trying to do you know and so I didn't bring a set of headphones for example example for myself. So like for five days, it's a very weird, like for five days I'm like, okay, I don't want to like listen to anything. Cause like if Haley can sleep.

0:35:25 Eli: See now I was picturing you next to hayley with the candy crush music on just like that nurse keeps knocking real loud that's why you can't sleep probably sorry it's a sprinkle ball I actually can't stop it otherwise I don't get the full points bonus I gotta clear all the jelly you understand hell

0:35:42 Thomas: Gotta

0:35:47 Tom: I also tell you like funny enough like the guy in the room next to us had a full -time minder because he was fucking nuts he was like an older guy and like I felt terrible for him and also like there is nothing that so

0:36:03 Thomas: Pretend you're nuts that's what you gotta do oh

0:36:06 Tom: Right so he had a full -time minder just to make sure he didn't wander out of his room so what he did is he took his chair and he took this tray thing and he pushed him to the edge of his door and then he turned his phone on to like crazy preacher preacher stuff and then like read the bible at the door and blasted at full volume on his phone like crazy preachers and stuff and like mumbled to himself four or five days

0:36:23 Thomas: My god why can't those people just get really into star trek or something you know they have to be into fucking preachers and hellfire and what just somebody go nuts and yell at me about any like fandom or something just anything you know

0:36:34 Tom: I right but

0:36:43 Eli: I promise promise you, it's going to be my bootleg Harry Potter audiobooks. Oh yeah, everybody.

0:36:51 Thomas: You know?

0:36:52 Eli: We're doing book four again.

0:36:50 Tom: He did though yeah

0:36:53 Thomas: Yeah. He just explains every spell in the compendium to you, and then...

0:36:57 Eli: To the door all upset. I'm like, hey, hey. I did not give her any money for these. Don't worry. All right. Back to book four. I actively stole these from her. Don't worry. No, I won't unlock the door. One other thing that I want to speak, which you you spoke to me about that I that I think is like so important is that your definition of an emergency when you're in medical settings and their definition of a medical emergency are so wildly different and like I think and million dollar business ideas everybody don't steal this don't steal this this there's a guy in a hospital that you should be able to pay for called a stakes match her right and what happens

0:37:02 Tom: That's fine it's all stolen oh wildly different yeah oh yeah

0:37:41 Eli: Is you come in and you're like my wife can't eat she's really really sick losing a ton not taking in liquids and then he's you talk to a nurse and they're like well you know she does look a little fat to me or whatever the fuck that lady said but then you can then you could pay a simple 99.99 directly via venmo and I come in and I'm like holy shit she didn't she's not eating oh that's real oh man that's really really serious oh man everyone I want you to know we're all taking this really seriously we all really care and then the lady can come in and be like knock knock I saw you were unconscious right and it's just like stakes matchers always there to sort of balance the experience have you considered that

0:37:53 Tom: Dude yeah dude I yes because like we like hayley was just saying today she's like you'd think she's I can't fucking eat and I'm losing weight and I'm miserable and like her follow -up appointment with her gi doctor the first appointment they can get her is january 21st and I'm like how can this be a true because like when you get out of the the er or you get out of like an inpatient setting and the inpatient sitting I do want to say we went to northwestern in chicago we got six months worth of testing done in five days so like kudos to that but that as I as I thought about that because when I said that to hayley's like we really got like a a tremendous amount of testing done in a really in like a in a time span that if we were outpatient would have taken months but the reason it would have taking months is because the system is so broken right because like trying to get a ct scan could take a month not because it should take a month it's literally a seven minute thing that they do right so like it's not that that's good good it's just that the entire outpatient system is so bad that it is it is good in these sort of like relative terms because when you get out of like the er whatever they're just like okay so you got to follow up then with your you know like a specialist or your doctor and you're like yeah but that could take a month or longer what am I supposed to do in this space between Between you stabilized me today and somebody will try to begin the process of fixing the problem. And the answer is fucking shrug emoji.

0:40:00 Tom: That's the answer.

0:40:00 Eli: I mean so tom the good news is I actually did a little googling on my own it turns out you can survive for three weeks without food so you're gonna be fine we just need we need like a sandwich on the 19th except

0:40:10 Tom: There we go. Yeah. Right. Yeah. For I like I was Googling the same thing, you know, because like for example, she ate the white of a hard boiled egg. And a small thing of applesauce that's what she's been able to keep down that's the entire calories that she's so maybe 150 calories 160 calories tops if we're like with a strong down wind you know like it's nothing and like and that's that's kind of her every day like she's eating like a little bit of baby food occasionally um like shouldn't somebody be more concerned and the problem is there's nobody in the system to actually be concerned there's no one in that system to

0:40:34 Thomas: She's soaking wet. Yeah, yeah,

0:40:51 Eli: For my new stakes matcher 5000 my new steaks steak matcher yay and

0:40:52 Tom: Be concerned what's that yeah your stakeholder idea is fucking great stakes matcher that's fucking great because like you want to pay somebody to give a shit but like yeah

0:41:02 Eli: You thought that's what medicine was you did think

0:41:04 Tom: But it's not it's super duper not I'll tell you what like if you're dying in slow motion there's no one to help you that's what we've learned I know that's really bleak but like it's actually pretty true like if you do it in fast motion like if we have a stroke or heart attack or you know like a like a traumatic injury like there's lots of those like fast motion guys like those guys are awesome but like if you're doing it in slow emotion the system's like yeah we'll just let you do that and that's that's That's a really weird, scary place.

0:41:36 Tom: That's the fucking dark thing to say, though.

0:41:36 Thomas: It's like we have none of the benefits of either thing. It's, like, medicine should either be socialized and very very effective, but you know, you got to wait your place in line because it's egalitarian and whatever. Or if we're in a capitalist hellscape, it should be like, all right, who do I got to bribe to get the real medicine? But somehow neither, like you somehow give

0:41:54 Eli: Because because I could say and let me say this from my heart I think if tom had showed up to the hospital and they'd been like all right well you can do an american hospital or maze runner you want to do a a Maze Runner, Tom would have been like, I'm so excited to do a Mace Runner!

0:42:12 Eli: Heck yeah! This is the one with the big spiders, right? Ah, fuck all those spiders up. Bring them on.

0:42:18 Eli: It's biting a lot. You know, I'll find out in the fly. I'll bite first and ask questions later. That's what I always say when I'm doing a Mase Runner.

0:42:28 Tom: You're right, though, Todd. Like, there should be somebody you can bring. There should be a way to jump the line.

0:42:32 Thomas: Me one or the other, give me one orthe other. Either we're all egalitarian, it's great medicine. Cool. I'll wait in line. I'm just another person. I get it. Or we're a capitalist healthscape. Okay. Why get, I'll take money because this is valuable to me. Give me someone to give it to and give me the fucking medicine nope neither can't yeah somehow I think if you're one percent you can like buy an indentured servant doctor I think that's the only way like if you really the one percent just

0:42:49 Tom: Or just find out what's wrong. Like, I really would like it if somebody would care. Dude, I spent long hours in the hospital being like, what other country can I fly to?

0:43:07 Thomas: Like how much is every doctor how much hey how much what do you make

0:43:10 Tom: Like ,I thought about it. I'll tell you what, Thomas. I thought. I was like, if I can go to an ATM and fix this problem, you fucking better believe I'll go to an ATM. Him I was looking up shit like like would it be faster for us to go to like turkey or thailand places where there is there's medical tourism and like I'm not ruling that out at this point you know that I am, I am 100% not ruling this out like if I gotta fucking go into massive debt to fly to some other like there's nothing there's no like I wouldn't do that there's no, I wouldn't do that to try to get because the system now is like well I don't know man we can start having a conversation on January 21st. That's crazy. That is crazy. We are a hard -boiled egg, but not the yolk. That the space that we are in. We're supposed to just hold on tight for three weeks? I don't even know what that means. We haven't even been able to have Christmas.

0:43:25 Eli: Thailand's the one. Thailand'stheone. Oh, yeah, no. Thailand fucking medical care rules. Yeah, yeah.

0:44:09 Tom: It's been rough. Shitty episode of me saying shitty things that are scary.

0:44:11 Thomas: So not good not great my

0:44:16 Eli: I agree. We should apologize for this.

0:44:20 Thomas: Christmas was a suboptimal as well I will say I just want to yeah I didn't

0:44:23 Tom: Did you not get the presents you wanted what was

0:44:25 Eli: Can we make some space for Thomas? Maybe? Oh, I'm Tom and I'm the only one with problems in the world.

0:44:26 Thomas: Get the video game Yeah.

0:44:34 Eli: Oh, I forgot to tell you guys before we get off the line, Anna's got the sniffles. So I'm going to miss the next seven months of shows. So, um, you know where to send my check, right?

0:44:34 Tom: How was your christmas I

0:44:44 Eli: That's Tom. That's you. That's what you're like. Really let's, uh, boy loves to skate the line. I don't think I'd like me after listening to this episode. I think I would be like, yeah, I don't particularly care for the Eli bit, I think I'm just going to set that one aside.

0:44:58 Tom: It's all bullshit you guys both were very sweet about checking in regularly so like I know it's bullshit so

0:45:06 Eli: I sent you so many TikToks about the end of society. I was like, hey Tom, I feel like you're going through something hard right now. Here's a robot that can do a backflip. Robot can see when and how you'll die, but it refuses to tell us and we can't make it. All right gentlemen before we go I've got some bad news the book on penguins I wrote has been rejected apparently you're supposed to write those things on paper who's

0:45:42 Tom: I like that one that was good that was good

0:45:42 Thomas: Stupid. Oh,

0:45:49 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads .com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILf, tom smith who also wrote and recorded the intro music which is used with his permission this podcast is a production of daddy issues llc copyright 2022 all rights reserved

0:46:29 Eli: I'm telling them that you're pooping out your butt some more.

0:46:33 Tom: Would love to sleep actually