DOD174: Bad Mojo Dojo

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Eli: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's here for you and your burning questions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith. Tom Curry is unable to join us because we record two episodes at a time, but you know what that means, listener, we're joined by the dynamic duo, the Batman and Robin of podcasting themselves, Heath and Right and Lydia Smith. Heath and Right, Lydia Smith, welcome back.

0:00:50 Lydia: Have tried to reconstruct tom we've gotten his never drinking water uh lydia so lydia's got that covered and his Is emotional unab... Yeah. Right, Ethan, right. That covers it. Yeah, pretty much.

0:00:51 Heath: Yep.

0:00:54 Eli: Yeah childhood abuse

0:01:00 Heath: Is

0:01:08 Eli: Today we've got an interesting one. We are going to be answering, I think, our very first listener question. Am I right about that or am I

0:01:15 Thomas: Well, that's like an advice question. Yeah. Our very first... It's

0:01:16 Eli: Right this the first time one of you has made the right Yeah, this is the first time one of you has made the terrible error of asking our advice, and so, um, we locked

0:01:19 Lydia: Like our third listener question.

0:01:27 Heath: From the AMA from like six years ago when you started

0:01:27 Eli: Yeah. No, how do you think Kamala's gonna do now that she's taking over Kamala

0:01:31 Lydia: Yeah, this person's long dead by now, yeah? Yeah,

0:01:31 Thomas: Yeah. Do you think this COVID thing's for real or...

0:01:39 Eli: Guy's running, but I think it's more of a goof than anything.

0:01:41 Heath: I think Sweden's doing a pretty good job with it

0:01:43 Thomas: But Eli, is there anything worse than our ability to answer Q&A questions on a timely manner? Oh

0:01:50 Eli: It's the auto ads, yes, the auto ads gently entering into your ears and ruining your podcast experience, but you can stop those auto ads, podcast listener, over at patreon.com/dearolddads where you'll get an extended commercial-free version of the show and a little bonus extra we told a little behind-the-scenes story from our trip to Nashville on last week's episode, uh, and you can get all of that over at patreon.com/dearolddads. Lydia, hit me. Oh God, fantastic, fantastic.

0:02:11 Thomas: Yeah. So Good.

0:02:19 Lydia: Rip into it.

0:02:20 Thomas: Yeah

0:02:23 Heath: I will say the Hawk to a Girl's crypto coin is doing pretty good, so I enjoyed my ad.

0:02:30 Eli: We Good for her. Good, can I say good for her? Like, I know you're not supposed to do crimes, but when you're the Hawk Tuah Girl, right, we all know the path that the Hawk Tuah Girl was on, and she chose crimes instead of porn, so good for her, right? Was a bunch of creepy dudes Just wait yeah, I mean once the crimes go through, exactly. Crimes was

0:02:32 Lydia: Yeah. Oh, Why not both? Yeah. Like

0:02:48 Thomas: There's still time, yeah. But like yeah for real I buy that like I honestly Honestly, that is one of those things, the level of like, I'm sorry, is this really fraud? You bought a crypto. You're complaining. The crypto I bought from the hot to a girl is not performing to the metrics that I thought. What do you do? Who is that?

0:03:09 Eli: It called crypt to a because if it wasn't called Cryptua, it's a wasted opportunity.

0:03:11 Lydia: Oh.

0:03:11 Heath: Yeah pump and dump is also her new OnlyFans, which is cool. Can

0:03:13 Lydia: Boy. Yeah.

0:03:16 Eli: You should check that out, yeah. Split on that thing. I know that's a stocks joke, but I... All right. Lydia, why don't you hit us with that listener question?

0:03:21 Thomas: Boy. Yeah, it's kind of. Yeah.

0:03:27 Lydia: Dear dads, and Lydia doesn't say that, but I'm including myself, I Yes, thank you. I have a problem I'm not sure how to deal with. The problem is my son's martial arts instructor has accused my son of being harsh to her and her toddler child. All this was said after my wife and several other parents complained about her screaming at the children in her class, and in our case, singling out our six-year-old son for every little mistake he made. Backstory. Our son's

0:03:31 Eli: Obviously.

0:03:53 Heath: I jump in, this person's going to be lying in the backstory story.

0:03:55 Lydia: Dojo is family -owned and wife, and daughter. The daughter had her first child a little over a year ago and is currently pregnant with twins.

0:04:04 Eli: You get down there and break those boards, young lady.

0:04:08 Lydia: This Last Monday during class, the instructor's toddler was crying and screaming throughout the dojo. My son, about 11 minutes into class, said, "The baby is crying," and giggled. The instructor responded by screaming, "You used to cry, you've been a baby, be quiet." After that moment, she began to lecture all the students, and in particular my son. In the last five minutes of class, the students were doing conditioning with planks. She was counting down from five but would stop at three. Three, lecture, berate the children, and start over at five again.

Went on for four minutes that resulted in my son stopping and saying no, which then led to him having to stay after to do another two minutes of planks. When I told my son to stop and go to the van, I was asked why instructor's father and dojo owner. After explaining what happened while he was gone, I left with my child. Minutes later, I received a text from the owner saying it was all a misunderstanding understanding and can we please talk?

I went in without my child yesterday and was told the instructor yelled because my son has been saying rude things about the toddler and not listening to the instructor. I explained it's at a 20 by 20 foot classroom, and I have never missed a second of class, and I've never heard or seen my child do these things, but why, if it has been happening, is it just now after the fact that I'm being told this? There were no further explanations.

I do not know if I should continue going to this dojo or seek instruction elsewhere. This is a first First, but an adult lying about a child to keep out of trouble at their family -owned business is troubling. Please help.

0:04:08 Heath: Okay.

0:05:29 Heath: To be clear, I meant the karate people were going to be lying, not the...

0:05:33 Eli: Yeah, exactly.

0:05:33 Lydia: That was a weird, like, calling out our listeners.

0:05:34 Heath: Yeah, no, no.

0:05:34 Eli: Hey, can I say something right now? Our listener's full of fucking shit.

0:05:36 Lydia: Yeah.

0:05:36 Heath: Not your listener. Yeah.

0:05:39 Thomas: Fucking liars. Yeah.

0:05:40 Heath: Bunch of liars. No. Just, I mean, hot take, everybody who is a, quote, karate person is always lying all the time.

0:05:45 Thomas: Yeah.

0:05:46 Eli: It is a liar. Right? Is a liar. You're

0:05:47 Lydia: I have watched every season of Cobra Kai, so I feel like I can speak on authority about karate. Not really. But, I mean, they seem really intense. Like, I feel, like a lot of dojos and listeners. I thought this

0:05:47 Heath: Everything's a lie.

0:05:52 Eli: Ready. Yeah, or

0:05:59 Thomas: Would be a great one to do with Heath here because finally, finally, I have someone else who has experienced the world of sports as a kid.

0:06:06 Eli: A super competitive and professional drama program, Lydia, for

0:06:10 Lydia: And actually, as I said that, I was like, it's.

0:06:11 Heath: Thomas, I was 4-0 in sports as a kid.

0:06:14 Eli: Sports

0:06:17 Lydia: For sports to nothing. Yeah.

0:06:21 Heath: Four sports to zero.

0:06:22 Eli: To zero. Gay experiences is that how it's scored because I was undefeated in the other direction. I'd like to say. Yeah.

0:06:26 Lydia: Uh I doubt I doubt that's the number no uh

0:06:33 Thomas: Yeah. Either way is a perfect record.

0:06:35 Heath: Everybody wins.

0:06:36 Thomas: Yeah. Okay, Heath, I'm sure we've had similar experiences. Back in my day, especially in my craptown USA, it was seen as like you were a good coach if you were just verbally abusive to all the kids at all times, pretty much like it was like, it was kind of assumed that would be part of like the coaching package, you know?

0:06:56 Heath: Yeah, that remains true to this day.

0:06:58 Thomas: Oh, you think so?

0:06:59 Eli: Yes,

0:06:58 Heath: Exactly. No, no. But yes, I agree with you 100%.

0:07:00 Thomas: No.

0:07:00 Lydia: No.

0:07:02 Eli: Absolutely.

0:07:02 Heath: Yes, that was the culture.

0:07:03 Eli: That was the thing.

0:07:04 Thomas: And it's funny because I think there's a discussion to be had about just that, yelling at kids in general. Now that a little different territory, if this is like a a lying about a kid thing, of course, but I just opportunity I of having someone else who went through the sports thing that I did, Heath, like you, you had just, I mean, what have any memories of like, did you have the coach that was like, "Oh, that guy's the hard-ass, like, it's going to be so hard to be a part of this team." Yeah, I had like five of those, and it was seen as like a point of pride or whatever, and now I have to imagine it's not like that, but I don't know, yelled

0:07:25 Heath: Oh, yeah. I would less. The culture's probably, hopefully, changed a little bit. But I do remember having those coaches, for sure. Sure. And I will say, I don't know, maybe this is just like the delusions you get by being raised in that, I remember you the tough-ass coach and being like, "Oh, I got way better than I normally did from, you know, the coach that's not quite as serious," you know? Okay.

0:07:47 Thomas: At a lot yeah, oh, That's interesting because mine, that's, I, I am now realizing in this moment, this, I don't know if this will be interesting, it was completely divorced from any sports performance whatsoever for me. I'm now realizing, because now I'm remembering, like, I, I forgot that this was all wrapped up in the fact that, like, I have ADHD and performance anxiety. So, no part of practice was really about me getting better at the sport in the games, because all that needed to happen was me not having a panic attack. And then that was the difference between me being good or not.

0:08:28 Eli: And that was What's the difference

0:08:29 Thomas: You know at the time

0:08:30 Eli: Between victory and defeat? It's just they're backstage trying to get ready for their match against you, and it's just remind him that he's breathing weird.

0:08:38 Lydia: Backstage. Backstage?

0:08:41 Eli: X's and O's. What's it called? Is it backstage? What are you people?

0:08:31 Thomas: Really, yeah. Yep. The

0:08:46 Heath: It's the grass room, yeah.

0:08:48 Eli: Yeah.

0:08:48 Lydia: The green room before the baseball game. Yeah.

0:08:50 Heath: Yeah.

0:08:51 Eli: Locker something.

0:08:52 Thomas: Yeah. Locker.

0:08:52 Eli: Locker room.

0:08:53 Thomas: Room. There you go. Oh, that's so Good.

0:08:53 Heath: Absolutely. Yeah.

0:08:54 Eli: They don't call it the locker

0:08:55 Thomas: I mean, there was a certain extent to which it was conditioning or whatever, so like the hard-ass coach would make you run lines or whatever on the, and oh, Eli, that means the lines on the court. Sorry, I'm realizing

0:08:56 Eli: Room.

0:09:05 Eli: You some cocaine together?

0:09:07 Thomas: No.

0:09:07 Eli: I don't understand.

0:09:07 Lydia: The No, you don't have to memorize your lines. You have to, yeah.

0:09:09 Eli: This coach sounds awesome.

0:09:10 Heath: They would call that suicides in my experience, which you should probably change that

0:09:12 Lydia: Yep, suicide, that

0:09:14 Eli: Yeah.

0:09:13 Thomas: Suicides that is it Yep. I hope they did. I hope they've changed that.

0:09:14 Heath: Yeah. Yeah.

0:09:16 Lydia: That. I don't know if they have. And

0:09:17 Thomas: And now I'm wondering if, if are kids were in that situation, like, I obviously nowadays would be like, well, you don't, you can't yell at my kids, I'll kill you, like, but but I don't know that that's the healthy response either, you know?

0:09:26 Eli: Yeah, 'cause Here's what Heath is hinting at, right, and I agree with this, right, not to go full Tom, but there is something about

0:09:37 Heath: The Whiplash guy was a good guy. That's

0:09:38 Eli: Okay. Here's thing, right, a thing. Do you want to be good at drums, or do you wanna be happy? Okay, 'cause that, that movie is not about do you wannabe good at drums or d'you wannabe happy. If it was, I'd be entirely on BJ Novak's side. I'm just kind of on BJ Novak side because there is

0:09:44 Heath: What I'm saying, it's

0:09:56 Lydia: Novak no, you're doing it again, it's JK Simmons you've done this before Eli

0:09:58 Eli: No. It's BJ

0:09:57 Heath: Not BJ Novak, yeah. It's it's JK Simmons. BJ

0:09:59 Eli: Novak. The author

0:10:00 Lydia: Oh I literally I I literally

0:10:01 Heath: And Novak is Ryan Howard from the Office. So

0:10:00 Eli: Of The Office, and the Yes. That's who It was originally, and then they recut it after he had sex with those underage girls.

0:10:04 Heath: Yeah.

0:10:07 Thomas: You might have thought the kid was BJ Novak. That's how BJ Novik is so different than J.K. Simmons.

0:10:14 Lydia: This has been covered previously on this show. I, I'm like, I don't assume he wrote it or something.

0:10:19 Heath: JK

0:10:16 Thomas: Oh, so wrong that I had to make up a thing to even get there. Okay, so J .K. Simmons?

0:10:27 Heath: Simmons.

0:10:27 Thomas: Oh, Okay.

0:10:27 Heath: Correct, yes.

0:10:25 Eli: A master JK Simmons, yes. Yes. Cause here's the thing. There is something to be said for discomfort as a part of greatness. Right. And, when you look at Olympic coaches, when you look at Olympians who are the best at sports, right? We all agree. They're the best as far as, right, coaches, they might not be like dicks, right? Actually, I, I always say, I don't know a lot about Olympic coaches. The only ones I ever hear about are the ones who molest the kids, so maybe that's a part of it, but in which case not worth, right?

0:10:35 Heath: That's all I'm getting at I

0:10:54 Thomas: Yeah, that's, or the doctors, yeah, the sports doctor. No,

0:10:58 Eli: But I, I will say there is a firmness to professional coaching that must, because if, if being nice made you better, they'd all be nice, detrimental.

0:10:54 Lydia: Yeah,

0:10:59 Thomas: Jesus

0:11:10 Heath: Will say, I, I've just been thinking about it now after I said that, and I was like, yeah, the tough coaches make you better, but also thinking back, and I'm remembering coaches that did a little bit of that, but everybody was having fun, and those coaches actually got the best results in my, like, Like, rethinking, for sure.

0:11:23 Lydia: Yeah, exactly. I do think that and high expectations is fine, But then it's also important that the coach recognizes what that line is, because there is an instance where it can be effective and then like too much becomes not only ineffective, but like creating trauma for like a horrible mental health impacts for kids. It's a big responsibility.

0:11:46 Heath: Sure.

0:11:45 Eli: Yeah, of course. And that's not who I am as a teacher, right? I'm all love, love, love, hugs and kisses teacher when I, when I teach young, young people. Um, that's never who I was going to be as a coach, but I do, I do wonder where that line is, because I also get walked over by my students, right?

0:11:51 Lydia: Yeah. Mm hmm.

0:12:04 Eli: Like I, I have students who walk into my class and they're like, I didn't do the homework. Right. And I know they don't feel comfortable saying that to other teachers.

0:12:09 Thomas: Christ.

0:12:11 Lydia: Yeah.

0:12:12 Eli: Right? I know. They don't feel comfortable. I don't want to choose to be the Michael Scott's of the drumming world. Right! And I don't wanna. Sorry, I was trying to do a BJ.

0:12:20 Heath: He means J .K. Simmons.

0:12:22 Eli: I forgot J .K. Simmons' name again, and I was going for another Office reference.

0:12:22 Lydia: Another office. So you're sticking with the office? Mindy Kaling.

0:12:27 Eli: Yeah, Mindy Kaling, right, but I was just, I got too deep in the paint, even for my own ineptitude.

0:12:28 Lydia: The Mindy Kalings.

0:12:32 Thomas: Yeah, what is happening?

0:12:34 Eli: Um, me say this just at the offset, this is like a clear-cut situation of someone just lying. And also, there's a big difference between, like, encouragement harshness and punishment harshness. And especially for kids, I think calisthenics is punishment. Is one dangerous, right? Because, cause you're just asking them to hurt themselves, but to also really bad because it, it pushing yourself physically with doing a bad thing.

0:12:54 Lydia: Mm -hmm. Mm -huh.

0:13:04 Eli: Right. I imagine you want to do the opposite of.

0:12:40 Thomas: Yeah, right, yeah. Yeah, yeah... That's a good point, yep, yep.

0:13:09 Heath: The moment of the trying to get another minute or two of plank in there because you're, like, really pushing it hard needs to be an encouragement to, like. Get better at the karate or whatever the fuck. Not a, like... You're punished now because you couldn't do the five minutes before. Or whatever it was.

0:13:25 Lydia: Where I land on for this is you find another dojo. Like, not going there anymore. But I do want to also like reflect on and it's like a very, very small detail towards the top of the message. But the instructor has a toddler and is currently pregnant with twins. And as a former pregnant lady, like how tough that is. And so for me, it feels like she needs more help than she's recognizing because she's kind of taking it out on other people. What's the dude off doing? What's her husband doing? Opening more dojos?

0:13:55 Eli: Yeah.

0:13:55 Lydia: What are you doing here? Come

0:13:55 Eli: Well, that's the other thing too, is like, you don't have another thing to do. You're a karate guy,

0:13:56 Thomas: Come on. I also don't know because I was going to bring up the example of like, oh, yeah, what if Remy scream and then be like, well, I'd want all the kids to berate Remy for screaming. I'd Want them to join in and be like is screaming again?

0:14:10 Eli: We agree with Thomas. We agree with Tomas.

0:14:11 Thomas: Yeah. Yes, sensei.

0:14:13 Eli: Tomas isn't crazy.

0:14:14 Thomas: Yes sensei, he's screaming too fucking much.

0:14:17 Lydia: I think, I think, like, her initial reaction to, to the kid just saying, like, like, "Oh, the baby cried, ha ha ha," like, inicial reaction tells me, like, that this is someone who is, like, at a breaking point. Yeah. I'm not excusing that behavior, it's obviously problematic, and again, like, me as a parent, I probably would find another dojo, um, assuming that there is another one.

0:14:27 Thomas: Yeah. I

0:14:37 Lydia: I just, I cannot take that seriously, it's my, I'm so sorry, like, I've even I've even done some amount of martial arts, but just the dojo thing, like, it's just so silly. We gotta we gotta find a new dojo.

0:14:37 Thomas: Just

0:14:45 Heath: Don't say dojo, yeah.

0:14:48 Lydia: Listen, Miyagi,

0:14:48 Heath: Get

0:14:40 Eli: Yeah as a as a second degree black belt in taekwondo. I can tell you how important it is.

0:14:50 Lydia: Dough

0:14:48 Heath: Out of here. Yeah I, I would say, yeah, find a new dojo, do not go in there and do a real sport instead, that would be my answer. And okay, to be, to be clear, this is like a dumb hot take, I wasn't into the karate dojo stuff at all, but was into a bunch of other sports for sure, especially at a certain age. Yeah, martial arts, that's a good thing, it's fitness, it's all this good stuff, maybe self-defense at, at an older age, but with especially younger age kids, you give them a hammer, they're finding nails. It just feels, I don't know, there's like so many sports. Play some cooperative sports.

0:15:07 Lydia: Yeah and nail for example

0:15:26 Eli: Yeah Via, I mean, there's, there's a thing Anna and I, when, before Max was born, sat down and sort of figured out, the sports that Max is allowed to play, and it's a short fucking list. But one of the reasons that martial arts wasn't on that list, aside from the fact that it's filled with crazy adults, which I think is important, right, because every adult in a martial arts environment is someone who I disagree with about literally everything 100% of all other topics.

0:15:35 Lydia: Zero

0:15:36 Thomas: Yeah it's not walking walking he's not allowed to do the hundred meter walk, yeah.

0:15:54 Heath: Right. Guaranteed.

0:15:56 Thomas: Yeah. I was gonna say that too. If you're you get into the job, the line of work of yelling at kids because you're a piece of shit usually, like trying to find a reason to feel really big.

0:15:59 Eli: Right yeah

0:16:04 Lydia: John Kreese, you're

0:16:07 Heath: The original,

0:16:08 Thomas: Yeah.

0:16:09 Eli: Yelling at kids about karate.

0:16:10 Lydia: Or you're just mysteriously evil and have, like, world domination plans for your dojo. That's the other reason. Yeah, Terry Silver. Yeah. I'm

0:16:11 Eli: Right. It's all coming together. Exactly. Lydia gets it. So

0:16:22 Lydia: Not a karate expert. She had had ever seen yeah, when fucking so, no, hold on, hold on, when

0:16:24 Thomas: Had never seen the Karate Kid when this came out. She had

0:16:30 Heath: It's so good.

0:16:33 Thomas: Kai came out and everyone was like, "Oh, we gotta watch this," I was like, "Oh, yeah, it's kind of interesting." And thought, yeah, it's probably only interesting, you because of the, you, the dynamic of like he was the good guy and Leah's like, "Oh, I don't know anything about the whatever." I was like, "You've never seen it." So, so for her to not have the nostalgia of Karate Kid and yet be into the show is so hilarious to me. Like, she has no, she doesn't have the, like, nostalgia of the eighties of Karate Kid. And still she's, she knows these names.

0:16:53 Lydia: Nostalgia Names. I did watch Karate Kid one, two, and three. Yeah, I had, her, I had to watch the, the, um ah the, yeah yeah

0:17:01 Heath: The oeuvre, yeah. Wait,

0:17:04 Eli: Cops should be called a bunch in two, two and three. Can I say there's a lot of not calling the cops when the cops need to be called

0:17:07 Lydia: Yeah I'm pretty sure that that was my takeaway when we were watching season two. I was like, why is no one calling 9-1-1 right now? Like, this is why is there an FBI investigation about this, like, child trafficking ring that's going on, breaking into, to the house, and, yeah, anyway.

0:17:24 Eli: A Yeah.

0:17:24 Lydia: Find a new dojo.

0:17:24 Eli: There's why do they say yes to a fight in the parking lot? I'm sorry. There was a lot about the karate kid that in retrospect doesn't hold up

0:17:29 Lydia: Oh,

0:17:34 Heath: Wait, you mean at the beginning of two?

0:17:35 Thomas: Oh, in the movie? Oh.

0:17:36 Eli: At the two.

0:17:36 Heath: At the beginning of two. No, it's because John Kreese goes and picks a fight with Danny and then Mr.

0:17:37 Eli: Yeah, yeah.

0:17:38 Thomas: No, it's... Yeah. Well, no, he's beating up the kid,

0:17:43 Heath: Miyagi. Oh, he's beating up the kid who didn't win.

0:17:43 Thomas: Right? Oh, he're beating up on... Yeah.

0:17:46 Heath: He's beating upp Johnny Lawrence. He chokes him and Mr. Miagi has to stop him.

0:17:47 Lydia: It's Yeah. Of

0:17:46 Thomas: Of course. Mr. Miyagi doesn't want to fight, Eli. He doesn't... He doesn't want to... Mr.

0:17:53 Eli: Mr.

0:17:53 Thomas: Miagi would never.

0:17:53 Heath: Karate's for defense only.

0:17:54 Thomas: He would never...

0:17:53 Eli: Miyagi, Mr. Miagi seemed like he wanted to fight. Mr. Miyagi seems super psyched to fight he

0:17:58 Thomas: For a

0:17:58 Lydia: Guy who doesn't want to fight he does seem to end up in a lot of fights I guess

0:18:01 Eli: Does end up in a lot of fights, yeah. Finds a lot of nails. So yeah, I think this is a pretty straight forward: don't go to that karate house anymore. Go to a different, either go to another karate house, go to different karate house with nicer karates, or go do anything else I

0:18:01 Heath: He finds a lot of nails.

0:18:16 Lydia: Well

0:18:16 Heath: There's not. You said. Everybody who's a, quote, karate person is A, lying and B, terrible. So if you want to talk about, like, woke politics, go from the karate dojo to a football locker room and talk to the coaches there, like, it's terrible. You'd have such better people in, like, every other sport, including toxic football coaches, as a community. It's I really don't think it's a good one, yeah

0:18:38 Thomas: Wow well I think it depends on the connections the kid has made, you know, like how much does the kid will the kid be sad woke

0:18:46 Eli: Never ask for listener feedback, but here's the thing: if you listen to our podcast, you're woke. So if you're a woke karate person, will you email us and tell us how you navigate your love of karate and also other human beings? How do you practice harming other human being and also think about that they deserve dignity and rights? Let us know.

0:19:08 Heath: There's got to be a good one or

0:19:09 Eli: There's gotta be, right?

0:19:09 Heath: Two out there yeah yeah

0:19:11 Thomas: Dojo, let's start the woke dojo yeah

0:19:12 Eli: There's some, I, you know, for a while, maybe you guys can correct me on this, for y awhile it felt like BJJ was gonna be like skeptic karate, right, but

0:19:13 Lydia: Dojo yeah yeah

0:19:21 Thomas: Well, a bunch of the people were doing it, yeah, and then it turned out that those people actually weren't skeptics

0:19:28 Eli: Those people maybe that's what it is, is the karate is what turned them, yeah

0:19:28 Thomas: Yeah well, this is a very different thing, I think. Yeah, the BJJ thing, this is, this is, you know, let's be be real, this is probably a couple white people that started a dojo somewhere that teach very basic nothing is karate, right? Am I, am, am I being unfair, like, this is not yeah

0:19:44 Eli: Amazing how many lessons for kids are just a person being like, I do this now. I

0:19:49 Thomas: I looked it up on Wikipedia

0:19:50 Heath: No, they rented a 20 by 20 little space in like a strip mall and they teach risk control, yeah, right the

0:19:51 Thomas: Yeah so very vital lessons for life is what you're saying, yeah

0:19:54 Lydia: So

0:20:00 Eli: Were looking into a dance class for Max, and and everyone was like, oh man, you gotta go to this one, she's the best. And I was like, great. And I looked on her website and there there was no, like, I have my degree from, or I used to dance with. It was just like, it's fucking fun as shit in here. Get in, kids.

0:20:17 Eli: And I had a moment where I was like, hmm, no American ballet theater experience, eh? And then I was, like. What the fuck am I looking for?

0:20:16 Lydia: Yeah yeah that's fine what

0:20:24 Eli: What pedagogy am I hoping to support?

0:20:24 Lydia: Does it matter yeah oh my god, I relate, I relate with that so much, I relate, what, that's so much dipping

0:20:33 Thomas: Into like some rivalry of studios, you know

0:20:36 Eli: Especially because, like... I teach in acting schools with people with really fancy pedagology. And they are significantly worse at acting. Teaching than I am. So if anyone should know it should have been me I

0:20:44 Thomas: If but if to try to attempt to answer, like, think first off, you got to make a decision based on the kid, like, do they really want to be here or not? Like, I think you should be, like, because I feel like this is salvageable maybe, if you want to, like, if you, you want to put the effort in to, you figuring out why this happened, like, if it is indeed true that this poor pregnant mom is handling everything at the fucking dojo while the, her husband is doing God knows what. Is that the impression we're getting? Like, she's

0:21:12 Lydia: She's the one yelling, like, okay, I'll yeah

0:21:14 Eli: I thought it was the daughter.

0:21:17 Lydia: The daughter, but she's, she's the one that's pregnant wait

0:21:18 Heath: Yeah correct

0:21:19 Eli: Right. They got to expand the business.

0:21:20 Thomas: What, oh

0:21:20 Heath: Yeah so there's a mom a dad and a daughter. They own this business. The daughter who is pregnant is the one running the class at the time. I

0:21:28 Lydia: Okay

0:21:29 Thomas: So wait, then the mom is, we don't know anything about the mom, I was assuming the daughter was like a kid that was, I don't know why I said, yeah.

0:21:36 Eli: That's me too.

0:21:37 Heath: Think it's an adult daughter who has a toddler and is pregnant, is running the glass it

0:21:37 Eli: Yeah.

0:21:41 Lydia: That is my understanding as well, okay

0:21:43 Thomas: Okay. Well, if, if you think there's a good excuse potentially and worth resolving, maybe resolve it. But if the kid is like, eh, lukewarm on the dojo, then talk to the kid and they were like, oh, I'm going to be so sad if I don'T go to whatever now, that's The only time I'd be like, all right, maybe find a way to have this conversation and And say, you know, stick to your guns and be like, hey, my kid was not doing what you're saying they were doing.

0:22:06 Eli: Well, and I'm also, I want to say a strong proponent of like pregnant women are allowed to do whatever they want.

0:22:12 Thomas: Yeah, that's kind of what I'm saying. Yeah.

0:22:12 Eli: Right. It's our responsibility to get out of the way. You know what I'm saying? Right. Like I'm never going to blame a pregnant woman for what she does. There's a person in there. Right. But right. If I'm in between them and whatever is making them happy, I need to step out of the way. And if your kid is in there, you know, saying nouns that she doesn't like, then you might have to consider, you know, removing him as

0:22:36 Lydia: That's, I feel like that is an opportunity for her. Again, I don't know her or anything like that, but, like, to have some self-awareness, like, at least reflect on it and be like, "Wow, I, you know, kind of lost it a little bit there." Like, I feel like she has a responsibility as, as an adult, as an instructor, as a parent to figure that out. In

0:22:54 Eli: A sensei.

0:22:55 Thomas: She has in this instructor, this sensei's mind? Does she think like, oh, what the parents and maybe she's right. The parents want is for me to give them some discipline here. Like that's what that's why these parents.

0:23:06 Eli: Oh, I think that's why most karate people send their kids to karate.

0:23:10 Lydia: But this is a six -year -old kid.

0:23:10 Eli: Right.

0:23:12 Thomas: The listeners, I thought someone was 11, who did, I didn't

0:23:15 Heath: Was 11 minutes into the class I

0:23:16 Lydia: Oh, yeah, that is what I remember. But the son is six. Six? Yeah. Oh, come on. Yeah.

0:23:21 Thomas: At the same time, like, is what the the thought she was doing was being, like, more playful with it, and it's a discipline thing of, like, getting them some exercise, or if listener is interpreting it as a genuinely, like, you know, and kind of mean thing, then yeah, you probably just get the fuck out of there. I

0:23:38 Heath: Will say, if any of the people at this dojo, A, insist on the word dojo, or B, insist on the word sensei, I'm out 100 %.

0:23:45 Eli: I'm out. Yeah.

0:23:45 Lydia: Yeah.

0:23:46 Heath: Call

0:23:46 Eli: Well, that's the other thing, too, is like, yeah

0:23:49 Heath: Them mommy and daddy, you

0:23:50 Eli: To what extent do you want to buy into a kid's thing, right? Like, I think about that a lot with teachers, right, is going to have a teacher, right, doesn't like him, who's less smart than me, and I have to be like, well, you gotta listen to Miss Chizanthopus. She like it when you throw the crayons, and you gotta not do that. I mean, I guess if he was throwing crayons, like, that's a valid thing, but like, do you remember that experience of growing up and a teacher just didn't like you when you were a child, and you'd go to your parents and be like, this adult doesn't like me? No, just me. What?

0:23:55 Thomas: Yeah

0:24:05 Lydia: Yeah.

0:24:16 Thomas: This might

0:24:26 Lydia: Might be a you thing. Yeah. I don't know. That might be a you think, Eli.

0:24:31 Eli: Well, because I didn't call call a mommy like you did, Lydia. If I'd known I could have won their hearts and mind by suckling gently at the gym teacher's teat. Yeah.

0:24:41 Lydia: Now you know. Which is weird because now you always do that, Eli Eli.

0:24:45 Eli: But you know, we go to the same clubs. He gets it.

0:24:47 Lydia: Yeah. Yeah,

0:24:51 Thomas: Gosh. Dojo side. Because I, okay, okay, here's an example that Heath, I think, maybe will resonate with. I have this thought constantly as someone who plays adult beer league hockey, who did not play hockey as a kid, never played as a kid, never been coached, never, you know, that I don't fucking back check, man. I don't back check hard enough. I don't back check, and I every time I think, boy, I sure should back check harder, but I don't, because it's the hardest fucking part of the game. It's when you

0:25:21 Heath: Never had Coach Capone yelling, "You're dogging it," and you didn't back check, everybody.

0:25:23 Thomas: Exactly. Exactly. And I and I've had that thought where when I play with someone, we'll have someone on the team who back check's like fucking crazy. And it's like, oh, they were coached. They had some guy yelling at them when they didn't hustle enough. Because back checking for Eli and Lydia, well, Lydia probably knows.

0:25:38 Eli: Thank God, Jesus.

0:25:39 Thomas: Yeah. So

0:25:40 Eli: I was googling so hard. I was watching so much porn. Get

0:25:40 Lydia: It's in hockey In hockey, when you

0:25:44 Heath: Plays offense and defense, kind of at the same time, and, like, the forwards have to come back, and, yeah.

0:25:46 Lydia: Yeah.

0:25:48 Thomas: Inhockey, It transitions really quickly from offense to defense. It's interesting. And the worst feeling in the world mentally is when you think you have an offensive play going and then you pass it to some fucking piece of shit who ruins your whole play, turns it over to the other team. And then you have to do the hardest thing in the world to get back on defense because some other asshole ruined it. It's like the mentally for me, it's the hardest thing to do. I can't because I'll be like, oh, we should not have to be like this. We should not be doing this right now. We, you messed up. You, we shouldn't have to do it.

Like that's what, and I have to like coax myself through those thoughts of like, Like it doesn't matter. Whereas someone who was yelled at by a coach at a young age to back check, they just fucking do it because you and you should. It's the it is a thing you absolutely should do. I'm bad I'm at the sport in this way and it's hard to get myself to do it. And so part of me wonders, like, man, how much of that is a necessary part of sports or even we don't have to just talk about sports. It could be, you It could Be the dance. It Could be the whatever, you Know. You know,

0:25:48 Heath: Yeah. Absolutely. Sure.

0:26:50 Heath: Here's an idea to get you

0:26:51 Thomas: Yeah,

0:26:52 Heath: Motivated to back check, perhaps, if you think about it this way: It was Well, yeah, kind of. It was your fault for passing to the dropper. You shouldn't have done that in the first place, and now you need to back check, just saying.

0:26:55 Eli: Your head in the game?

0:27:01 Thomas: Yeah. Fair.

0:27:06 Eli: Specific advice, very specific, but good advice, good advice all the same, that's what we have. Hey, Hey, Thomas, I got good news.

0:27:07 Lydia: It's good advice, I think.

0:27:09 Thomas: I think I should just hire somebody to yell at me. That's what I think. Like, I think, I should, Eli, where you probably have, have Yeah,

0:27:12 Heath: Okay.

0:27:15 Eli: You're back in my wheelhouse. Uh, you can do that. Uh, you want a mean lady or a mean guy?

0:27:15 Thomas: Yeah exactly. You got anyone with some spare time, like in the schedule? Yeah, no, it's got, I, think it's gotta be a mean dude. That, fortunately, Yeah.

0:27:23 Eli: Because the mean guys are free. Well, there's good, there's the good news is the mean guys are free.

0:27:26 Thomas: I could make money.

0:27:27 Eli: Yeah. The mean, mean ladies, you gotta pay him.

0:27:28 Heath: I'm

0:27:27 Thomas: Yeah, like can I please yell at you? Yeah. That's a good point. I got a new side hustle going.

0:27:33 Eli: Yeah.

0:27:34 Lydia: Would you guys interpret, or I guess approach, that conversation with the kid? Because I mean, I, if it was me in theater and I was being treated like that, I probably, if I really loved it, internalized it well, and I probably would have been like, you know, oh, this is, you know, this is gonna make me better potentially. Or like, yeah. Yeah, maybe I would like ruminate on how I contributed to this situation that everybody was like struggling with. I mean, all the kids are going to be different with how they with handle this situation. But at six years old, I mean, that's that's pretty young. That's pretty young. But like, like, there a conversation to be had there between the parent and the kid about what just happened and like that it was not acceptable the way that they were being treated.

0:28:11 Eli: That It's not okay for, I mean, it seems like this kid was sort of self-aware enough enough to at least stop the conditioning torture and go, hey, I don't want to do this. Yeah.

0:28:19 Lydia: Yeah. Yeah.

0:28:22 Heath: Curious, what would be the theater equivalent of having to do planks as a as a punishment at the end of, like, a rehearsal?

0:28:29 Lydia: Just stay late and run it again and again and again and then again. Yeah.

0:28:32 Eli: There was, I mean, not in any of the programs I was in, but there were the kids would have to do, like, wall sits, especially dancers would have to do, like, wall sits, and other physical conditioning things.

0:28:39 Thomas: Oh, nice. Now you're speaking our language. Oh,

0:28:43 Lydia: It was mostly like, like mental, emotional, like abuse kind of thing, like getting yelled at or the director just leaving rehearsal or. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I had experiences of that where he would be like, I said it's done. And then just like walk away. And then everyone would just like stand there like, what do we do? Yeah.

0:28:46 Eli: Yeah. Just getting yelled at, that's

0:28:51 Thomas: Yeah.

0:29:01 Eli: Weird to

0:29:02 Heath: Wow. Like

0:29:02 Thomas: Yeah, Lydia's situation was fucking horrible.

0:29:04 Eli: Children, if I lost my cool like that in front of children, I would never come back. I, I would be like, I'm checking myself into a hospital because I got mad enough to yell at children, right?

0:29:06 Lydia: Yes. Yeah. Children eight, yeah.

0:29:19 Thomas: Yeah, there. That's going to be the thing with me and any of this with my kids. If this ever happens for me, I will just have to judge. And mean, anything like that's not obviously like this weird lying situation. But I will have to judge. Is this person a piece of shit who's trying to get thrills from, you yelling at children? In which case I'll either have already killed them or gotten our kids out of the class because I just can't deal with that.

If it's something where like they're in the realm of like they are trying to be a good coach and trying to push the kids, I think there's room for like a conversation there as to like what that intensity level, like what's going to be OK, what's gonna work also, because a lot of that also assumes that all kids are the same style, and there's just so much difference in how kids or anyone need to be motivated, and the idea that everyone has to fit into this, oh no, you have to get yelled at and then be motivated. It's like, honestly, it doesn't work for a lot of kids. Like it doesn't make a difference to me really. Yeah.

0:29:42 Eli: Well,

0:30:16 Lydia: And I think even for the kids that it does work for, you HAVE to, as a coach, I imagine, build a rapport for its work. Otherwise, you're just some person who's Yeah, you're scaring someone into doing a sport. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And like, if you have that trust and rapport, then you can say like, I know this person wants me to be the best that I can at this certain thing. But

0:30:17 Eli: Right. Yeah.

0:30:34 Thomas: Heath, I have to ask you this. Did you have the thing where when your coach making you run? I just want to ask open-ended question. Ready? Your coach is making you around a bunch of whatever sprints, lines, whatever, suicides, as they say. And you're tired. You're out of breath. Did your coach have a line, a stock line for that situation? I'm just curious.

0:30:53 Heath: Their go-to yell at that moment?

0:30:55 Thomas: Their go to thing, because my coaches almost universally did. And I just wanted to see if If there was, if this was a universal coach thing, you're dogging it. That's a good one.

0:30:55 Heath: Okay. For me, your dog in it was my hockey coach. Yeah. Yeah, um, heard a good deal of walk it off for stuff. Rub some dirt in it was pretty popular. But don't have a memory of a stock line for, like, when I was gassed.

0:31:10 Thomas: Yeah. Hmm. Okay. It have been a product of, and it was only a practice situation. Must've been a Product of the town.

0:31:20 Eli: The Snakes are gaining on you,

0:31:22 Thomas: Yeah. No, it was always, you Oh, tired. That means I haven't been running you enough. It was always like the thing was, If you're tired, we need to run more because that means I haven't been running you enough. And as a kid,

0:31:36 Eli: The the beatings

0:31:24 Heath: Oh, yeah. It means conditioning so far wasn't enough.

0:31:37 Eli: Shall continue until morale approves.

0:31:38 Thomas: Exactly.

0:31:39 Heath: Yep.

0:31:39 Eli: Yeah, oh,

0:31:39 Thomas: And I was like, as a kid, I was, like, oh, this is diabolical, you piece of shit. There's

0:31:40 Heath: Yeah.

0:31:43 Lydia: There's no way to get out of that one. Damn.

0:31:45 Thomas: Damn.

0:31:46 Heath: I got, I definitely got got some of that, too.

0:31:47 Thomas: Yeah. And then if you, but if you weren't tired, well, then you're not tired, so we can run more. It was, it was the perfect catch -22. There is evil geniuses.

0:31:47 Heath: Oh, Yeah.

0:31:54 Lydia: Actually is reminding me of a situation that I was at. Abuse situation Yeah, no, no, for your trauma. Okay, trauma dump, let's do it. I, we was, I took Phoebe to a soccer practice, and I told you about this, Thomas, but I don't think oh my God, that's right, because I didn't. It's not my story to tell. Yeah. Oh, okay, we gotta tell this. So, um, was at her practice and her coach was unavailable at the time, so she was like, my husband's going to fill in. And so I'm watching the practice, yeah, I'm, I'm watch the practice. And it's, the, um, under eight, uh, of girls and stuff. And, you goof off and they don't always listen and stuff, like they're, you know, seven year olds, eight year olds. And he, the way that he approached, um, of the situations in it, it was like, uh, a kid fell and was crying and stuff and he was like, oh, you know, rub some dirt in it. Just walk it off. Um, like run faster, blah, blah.

He was just approaching all of this stuff with like a very different vibe than we, we had with the other coach who is a woman and the assistant coach female as well, and it was things like that where, like, I just was like watching every moment because I was like, I don't like how he is approaching, like, like kids falling and getting hurt, like not this is recreational soccer, we're all paying to be here, it's not and importantly they're seven and they're and it's

0:31:57 Eli: My God. Nope.

0:32:18 Eli: Right. Yes.

0:33:09 Lydia: Like their first experience, some of them, with soccer. This, This is Phoebe's first time with soccer. And it just felt like this really intense situation. I

0:33:16 Thomas: Other thing about that's even worse about our day and age is we, when we were kids, Heath, I guess I'll speak for us, us, we took that, those coaches seriously, and some of them were good coaches. Now as, I don't know if it's as an adult or if this is just the, the same with everything where it just seems different from, from this perspective now. I'm just seeing some asshole do their impression of a coach and it's like, well, that's fucking sorry, dude, that's nothing. You're just trying this is like someone who thinks the rubs the dirt on it thing is like the thing the to do as a the tough thing to do. It's not, it's not real.

0:33:26 Heath: Get

0:33:50 Eli: Well, Because all they got, was, because the abuse is easy, right? So all they saw and got was the abuse, and so all they pass along is their generational trauma, right?

0:33:53 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, and they're not even good at it. Abuse better. Come on, like abuse. If you're, I want to get, I don't want to give up. I don' t want to get behind them. Hey, I'm not abusing hard enough if you're.

0:34:08 Heath: Some good material in your abuse at least, yeah She's

0:34:09 Thomas: Yeah. Lydia

0:34:09 Eli: Right. Get good roast material going I

0:34:12 Thomas: Sent

0:34:12 Lydia: Up to give you guys like a better idea of like who this guy was. Yeah, the very last game that they had, he was like playing with his baby, I guess, like a little, you toddling baby. And, uh, And the baby was like really excited about carrying the soccer ball. And then he knocked it out of the baby's hands and the baby started like crying and screaming because like the baby just wanted to carry the soccer ball. He didn't even react. And then the mom swoops in, who's Phoebe's coach, and, um, had to take care of the baby and he just like walked away. Like he didn't do anything. Um, and it was, and I, I later wrote, oh my God, he's nuts. Doesn't know what seat the baby sits in for the double stroller. Saying that men and women are different. Why God made them different. You know, in the Bible, God took a rib from Adam to create Eve. That's nuts, that was a quote he said. And then his favorite Bible verse

0:34:20 Eli: Harder Yeah.

0:34:41 Eli: Hell Yeah.

0:35:00 Lydia: Is Ephesians 6, 11 to 12, I don't know. Why

0:35:00 Eli: Yeah.

0:35:03 Thomas: Do we know this? Crazy, like, cannot fucking help it. They just can't help it. Everything about their lives has to be this thing. But that description of, he's like fucking with the baby and making the baby cry and then just leaving while the mom, who's also the coach, is trying to to both coach the team and take care of the baby, it's too on the nose. I feel like this could have been a bit. Like it's like how in the world are you being this much of a, of a stereotype? Oh,

0:35:07 Eli: Yeah. Right. Yeah.

0:35:27 Lydia: And then right after his daughter got hurt, who was on the team, and he just said, suck it up to her. That was it.

0:35:33 Heath: A sociopath.

0:35:33 Eli: Yeah.

0:35:34 Lydia: Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, I said I never want to see him again. Oh,

0:35:34 Heath: He's

0:35:37 Thomas: Oh.

0:35:35 Eli: Yeah. Of mine was talking. He's got an older daughter, and there's a shitty dad who comes to their practices, and first of all, he always brings, like, cooler a of beer for himself at these practices. They're not games. He brings an entire cooler of bear for himself.

0:35:48 Lydia: My God. Wow. Oh.

0:35:53 Thomas: Man. That's awesome.

0:35:54 Eli: But One of the things that he observed that reminds me so much of this guy is, um, daughter got hurt, they rushed her to the hospital because she ended up having a broken ankle, and the husband very huffily, while they're loading her into the ambulance, goes, "So I have to leave now." I was drinking my beers. He didn't say that, "I was drinking my beer's" part, but apparently he literally said these, "So I half to leave now" part. Uh,

0:35:54 Thomas: Oh. Jesus. Yeah.

0:36:08 Lydia: My god, believable.

0:36:18 Lydia: Yeah.

0:36:18 Heath: Just putting the cooler on the gurney to come with can

0:36:20 Thomas: Yeah.

0:36:18 Eli: Right. Here can she roll off so that I can really keep these chill.

0:36:20 Thomas: Can I bring these you want

0:36:23 Heath: You Scooch.

0:36:24 Eli: Scooch. Ouch.

0:36:25 Lydia: The puts puts the beers on her bad ankle obviously

0:36:27 Eli: Here elevated on top of the cooler. I'm helping.

0:36:29 Lydia: Oh my God so

0:36:34 Thomas: Yeah, it's like if we come across someone who's just doing their impression of a coat, then it's like I have so little respect for it. And I also can't, like you were saying, Eli, with the teacher thing. It's like, are people, adults, I could conceive of being like, not well, Phoebe and Arlo and Remy, you got to listen to this person. But there are some where I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm, I'm not going to be able to be like, well, you got, no, nevermind. They fucking suck, man. I don't know. This person sucks. I don' t know what to tell you.

0:36:59 Heath: Yeah, both

0:36:58 Eli: Yeah. They had this thing. They were doing this patriotism again, this for a friend who's got an older kid. And it was like they were doing a patriotism unit because there was the election and they, friend's older son brought home homework that was like the American people choose the president and he He represents the ba -ba -ba. And he had to be like, this is fucking bullshit. Sorry. I know you're supposed to just say this, but it's not. None of this is real. None of these things are real. None of it has anything to do with how politics

0:37:27 Thomas: Yeah, we get that all the time.

0:37:28 Eli: Work or elections or any of it. But like that.

0:37:31 Heath: Parties are actually the same, so you're not even really

0:37:35 Eli: Here's Jill Stein. Dr. Jill Stein, she knows what's up. Sensei Jill Stein or is my.

0:37:38 Heath: Sensei Jill Stein, or Mommy. As I call her that

0:37:43 Eli: Oh, fantastic. Right, folks, before we leave: when my wife had pregnancy complications, we asked for an obstetrician named Juan so that I could say to him, "Help us, Obi-Wan, you're my only hope." There

0:37:41 Lydia: Mom. Yeah. Oh My gosh. How

0:38:04 Thomas: I like that one. That's good.

0:38:05 Eli: You go.

0:38:06 Thomas: Stupid.

0:38:04 Heath: One Nothing

0:38:09 Eli: Oh, a parenting story for us. Seat, little, want to tell us about perhaps attending a concert, think

0:38:15 Heath: Okay, so yeah, tell me. You're so you're, you're all parents of pretty young kids, you're not quite there yet with, like, them being in productions of, for example, Romeo and Juliet. Um, Kai was in the crew, was the stage manager for the high school production of Romeon Juliet. I

0:38:34 Thomas: Cool. Oh

0:38:37 Eli: About that. That means that they weren't on stage. Tell

0:38:40 Thomas: Yeah. Oh, you had to go watch the show that they stage managed? I

0:38:44 Heath: Watched the show that was stage managed by Kai, correct?

0:38:45 Lydia: I mean, of course, sure, yeah, I mean, why not? Why not?

0:38:48 Heath: Yeah, and I will say, Kai, Kai, okay. So Kai and the crew, I thought, did an excellent job. There was like, there's that death scene at the end, which is a big deal. And the way they did, yeah, I won't tell you who dies, but they're children that got married. It's a really bad play. But they like a scrim and everything happened in like shadow and it was kind of cool. I thought it was pretty artistic. They did a good job. Job, the actors in this play, and, most importantly, the director, the grown-up who is a director of this play, just atrocious at every

0:38:50 Eli: Us why not, tell Tell us why not.

0:38:55 Lydia: Perfect. Spoilers. It's Nice.

0:38:57 Thomas: Spoilers! No. Okay, it's just one one person Yeah.

0:39:06 Eli: Disagree?

0:39:10 Thomas: Oh

0:39:21 Heath: Single moment, I'll start by saying um, of, yeah the director played the role of the auto ads. Um, he literally came up at the top and in the middle I actually said that under my breath.

0:39:23 Thomas: God, were they also in it did they have to play one of the roles, yeah Uh

0:39:24 Lydia: Yeah.

0:39:33 Thomas: The

0:39:34 Lydia: The only thing worse than drinking the poison because you think that the only thing worse than a Capulet are these auto ads.

0:39:40 Heath: Yep. Yep. Okay. The only thing worse than both of those things is this guy trying to do an auto ad and then being like, hold on, I can't find the right email in the phone with the name of the fucking bullshit strip mall thing that gave us a hundred dollars.

0:40:00 Thomas: That sponsored the play. Yeah.

0:40:02 Heath: Yep. So

0:40:02 Thomas: They just do the program inserts, huh? Oh

0:40:05 Heath: Were supposed to. I think they had to return some money because they just didn't do that and never made a playbill also they never made a paybill. Um, also every single actor was not off book either, so they literally they

0:40:12 Lydia: No. Playbill? Wow. Oh No. This is, somebody needs to verbally abuse these kids, it's the only way like

0:40:25 Heath: I I, I, did I, you would have been so proud of me, I did not do any out loud verbal abuse of any of the children or this director director during the four Christian hours that this thing lasted.

0:40:27 Thomas: Really joking No.

0:40:33 Lydia: Oh

0:40:41 Thomas: No.

0:40:42 Eli: Four hours.

0:40:42 Heath: They did every single line of the play, five acts by William Shakespeare called Romeo and Juliet without cuts. They actually added stuff. They, they really did. They added stuff, they decided it was set in,

0:40:43 Thomas: No. No. No. Wrong. Incorrect. That

0:40:52 Lydia: Is That is Wow, they

0:40:58 Thomas: Grabbed some stuff from some of the other, like, lesser known Shakespeare's that

0:41:01 Lydia: Arguably he didn't even write... no, let's Throw this in here. Okay.

0:41:04 Thomas: Okay,

0:41:03 Heath: Yeah. No, they added the idea that it was set in, like, 1970s punk times London instead of Verona back in the day or whatever it was, and they forced these kids to try to try to do British accents. Yeah.

0:41:14 Thomas: Fine, yeah, whatever, no,

0:41:18 Lydia: No, God, this, okay. At this point

0:41:23 Thomas: Point in the production, I will have taken over the theater company, you know what I mean, like if I was, if I were a parent, I'd be like, okay well, this isn't what I'm doing next year, I guess, I gotta fucking, I have to do a theater company now. Cause like you're doing whatever. Cause this is dog shit. This is dog shit.

0:41:36 Eli: Right, I'm the theater company now.

0:41:38 Thomas: Yeah.

0:41:38 Lydia: What you will about my theater company growing up. The trains ran out of time. We were, yeah.

0:41:43 Heath: No.

0:41:43 Lydia: We were completely off. Yes, they had a bunch of emotional damage that lasted forever and a grown man would go off in a huff because some children weren't doing what he wanted them to do. Good shit. But they, I mean, you're not wrong. Yep. There's

0:41:47 Heath: It

0:41:48 Eli: Professionalism, damn it.

0:41:58 Thomas: There's gotta be a way to do, if not a perfect, both, there has to be a way to a pretty good job and not be a piece of shit. That's my, that's my thinking. But this, but whoever this is, Heath, that I'm, first off, I hear you, Heath. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. That is awful. Like that's truly a trauma that I, I don't think I would have made it for. I, uh, I wouldn't have actually.

0:42:20 Heath: Was truly insane. So I was the chaperone of the the adults who went to this, which made it even worse. I went with Anne and Anne's best friend from here in Ann Arbor, and the two of them ate a bunch of gummies before the show.

0:42:25 Thomas: No, you were stuck.

0:42:34 Heath: And they were like, did you get drunk and get your gummies going? And I was like, what? And they're like, we're here. And I watched four hours, stone cold sober, with the two people next to me just weeping with laughter, trying to keep it together. And then in the fourth hour, it had worn off, and then they were just weeping regular weeping Yeah.

0:42:33 Lydia: Oh So they were fine? Yeah. Yeah. Stone

0:42:41 Eli: Stone cold sober.

0:42:43 Lydia: Cold Sober. Oh my God.

0:42:45 Thomas: Uh Sleeping. Yeah. Oh, okay. You

0:42:54 Eli: Just just normal weeping.

0:42:55 Thomas: Gotta bring your air buds or something, you know, your air pods, that's it. Your earbuds and air pods. Yeah.

0:43:00 Heath: It was crazy.

0:42:56 Eli: Yeah. AirPods. Or your Air Buds. There's nothing in the rule book that says a dog. Yeah.

0:43:02 Lydia: Well, The airpads are to listen to Airbud while you're, instead of the play, is

0:43:07 Thomas: What I was thinking. Oh

0:43:08 Heath: So I will say the one very amusing thing to me was that the way they, the way they did it so that they could all be off book, because none of them did their fucking line memorizations. They came out with just like an escalating series of crazier and crazier objects that held the script. It was so fucking funny, I laughed a lot.

0:43:19 Thomas: My God Okay.

0:43:29 Lydia: I really love this, this is really good. This is coming back around now. This is now, I want to see it. It's the show that goes wrong or whatever. This is, yeah, play that goes around. This written on the swords.

0:43:32 Eli: Maybe This is for brilliant hours. Yeah.

0:43:30 Heath: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They did a fight scene and at one point they're like fighting holding a book and then they have to like actually fight One one actor throws the book down, does a fight thing, and then it's like, hey, slide it back to me, slide down, slide the book back to the book gets slid back picked up and they continue reading. Yep.

0:43:45 Lydia: Yeah. No. No. No. You just can't do up the play. No. No. That's amazing.

0:43:57 Eli: Yeah. Described to me that during Romeo's, uh, he put his book down and then as he was was doing his dying monologue it was slid back out to him from off stage We

0:44:09 Lydia: This is the best thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm actually going back around. You needed to do a Godawful Movies of this. That's what needed to happen.

0:44:18 Heath: Genuinely.

0:44:19 Lydia: God awful Shakespeare's Well, is it still running? Can we go? Did anyone film it? Did anyone film it?

0:44:18 Eli: Didn't know we didn't know can we get the cast back

0:44:19 Heath: Uh Yeah.

0:44:24 Lydia: Can we just roast this child cast existence.

0:44:24 Eli: Together

0:44:24 Heath: Here Here's the thing. High school theater kicked them out of their limited run because it was that bad. We cannot, the whole time though, we were like, how are we not video? This is so sad that we can't.

0:44:34 Thomas: Oh.

0:44:35 Eli: Yeah.

0:44:37 Lydia: That's incredible That means You just didn't do a show. Like, you don't, like, if you go to do a play and it's not ready, then you can't do it. Like you can just, well, we'll just not

0:44:38 Heath: Yeah. Correct. Yeah.

0:44:46 Eli: They go to Denny's for the cast party and they're locked out. No, no unlimited coffee and milkshakes for you. Oh

0:44:48 Lydia: Yeah. Oh Danny's, that was the best. Yeah, that is so funny. Yeah. The best The best

0:44:58 Eli: Yeah. Singing the tunes in Denny's while fucking people tried to make their living and you know other people tried to eat their last meal.

0:45:07 Heath: They a character that was a A, they added, that

0:45:10 Lydia: No. Come on, on walking

0:45:11 Eli: Book. Why, if it isn't Lord Christian book.

0:45:28 Lydia: Around like Alice in Wonderland or some shit. Like, well

0:45:31 Eli: Cryptifer. Why if it is it's Scriptifer Davis.

0:45:38 Heath: Would have been better. It was insane. Paige,

0:45:44 Lydia: Met Scriptifer walking around with a big book costume like Yeah. But

0:46:01 Eli: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But they're turning his pages, right? I say good Scriptifer. What? It's stuck. It's stuck.

0:46:09 Heath: How

0:46:10 Lydia: That Scripter also has to read his lines from his own book

0:46:13 Eli: Right. From a smaller Scriptifer, they've got a third grader who shows up. Scriptifer Junior! Come, my boy. Help daddy with his machinations.

0:46:24 Lydia: Oh God, that's so good. And that one is a million, infinite.

0:46:27 Heath: Much are you allowed to roast high school people after that?

0:46:33 Eli: 100%.

0:46:33 Lydia: There's some things are so bad it's like, sorry, you can't. I know you're young, doesn't matter. Like

0:46:34 Heath: Okay.

0:46:33 Eli: You have to. You'll understand when you're an adult.

0:46:40 Lydia: Yeah.

0:46:46 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

0:47:26 Eli: Are gaining on you the you want to be good at drums or do you wanna be happy