DOD168: What if All They Want to Do Is Video Games

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and utter dependence. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

0:00:22 Clip: Telling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's falling back because we're stupid and we haven't fixed this yet. I'm Tom Curry. I'm joined, as always, by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:41 Eli: We fix this though like I remember reading in the paper that they fixed this and then the spring came along and they were like ah just kidding and no one explained because usually right is pretty Eli proofed right there's usually a brightly colored graph in the corner an interactive cell phone game that I can play where they're like all right Eli Eli, let's explain how Daylight Savings Time works. But I remember a bunch of headlines about Daylight Savings time. Everybody was like, skin in the nail. And the assholes on my Facebook who take every good thing and turn it into like their own personal vendetta. They did that with that. I remember they were like, so you want farmers to die in the fields?

0:00:42 Thomas: I thought, yeah, I'm with you. Yep. Yes.

0:01:23 Eli: And I was like all right, this is going the way almost all things go. All right, all right. But then spring came around and they were like your clocks moved again. And I Was like, God damn it, Congress, you promised you did a thing.

0:01:33 Thomas: So I actually haven't looked this up because I had a similar feeling, Eli. I they end up not, did Biden not sign it or was it something that only starts in like 20, 2030?

0:01:41 Eli: This really tracks Joe. That's where Joe let us down. This is where Joe really failed us. He was like, you haven't worked the cricket fields like I have.

0:01:46 Tom: I I feel

0:01:51 Thomas: Or it starts in, like, 2030.

0:01:53 Eli: Know what it was? He can't

0:01:54 Thomas: I don't know oh

0:01:54 Eli: Draw a clock. And so it's just, it's been unable to.

0:01:58 Tom: Like I'm crazy. I though this passed the Senate, but it never got voted on in the House.

0:02:02 Thomas: Now we have to look this up because this is bill

0:02:03 Tom: Now we gotta check, but yeah. Clearly what this means, though, while you look that up, clearly what this means is that america's so broken that we can't all just agree that we hate the thing that everybody hates there are no exceptions there's like except for like the nine people on eli's facebook who are just being contrary for the fun of being contrary and they don't count as people and they're pretty much smoke like all hate it nobody likes fucking with the clocks

0:02:25 Thomas: Well but then you have the pedants who are like well but what you actually want is not daylight savings time or permanent daylight savings I actually don't remember now do you want yeah

0:02:35 Tom: Here's the thing my wife has strong opinions I don't care I just don't want to change the clock I don't give a fuck what time it is

0:02:38 Thomas: I don't the clock it shouldn't that a hundred percent I you all hey you dork sciences farmers farmers, whoever, figure out what time it is and tell me, and I never want to change. That's it. Tom, you're so right. There are so few things where I am like of the Trumpian opinion that we just need some old fashioned horse sense in there, you know, or whatever, like the old Republican thing. Well, they just don't have common sense.

0:03:02 Thomas: Here's my common sense, we shouldn't, we should not have to change the time of the clock. We should find a way to exist. The numbers are meaningless anyway. There's got to be a way. The lord above that doesn't exist did not assign numbers to the times. There isn't any reason those have to be, right?

0:03:01 Eli: That's why you voted for him. Preach. Yeah. No. No. And this is actually a beautiful microcosm of trying to fix things, because when you talk about this, there are and Tom hinted at this and Thomas, you talked about this too. There are the people who are like, well, no, that's not enough of a change. Right. Need to like do universal daylight savings time and also and we should also institute the like 17 month calendar that works and we got to do this. Right and the metric system and it's just like no one can just we can't just do this one thing because we were supposed to not make politicians famous right they were supposed to be like mailmen

0:03:44 Thomas: And the metric system. Shut Yeah. All right, we know that there have to time zones. We're going to solve it here. There have to times zones. I get it because people are in different parts of the world. Easy. But here's the issue no just Eli is the only one in solipsism

0:04:05 Eli: Disagree but okay actually can I stop you right there no eastern standard time is the only one that matters it's where all the important people and things are do you think I give a fuck where France is no it's 2 .37.

0:04:14 Thomas: Well know what's not impossible they could have back in the day they could've just decided there was a time and everybody else just did stuff at different times they coulda been like yeah you know in America school starts even though you know it's old England the school starts at midnight and then the kids go to school and it's like that would've just been the norm like it doesn't really matter. But anyway, the problem is always like where the state lines are relative to the fucking time zone. And you you don't want need a national standard on that. You could have the states do different things. That's fine. Just as long as we don't have to change our fucking clock case in point. I didn't realize silly me, or I guess neither me or Lydia, but I didn't realise that my brain, 's child has gotten to the age and understanding that I I can't just pretend this doesn't exist anymore or specifically address it because I wake up this morning to the usual scream I hear when Lydia, sometimes when the big kids aren't awake, Lydia takes Remy to school, like just early. Only problem is the garage is directly below the kids' room. And so every morning I wake up to a, and it's Phoebe hearing that the car is leaving. Leaving. And even though this happens every day, somehow it's a groundhog day for her and she doesn't understand. So

0:05:35 Eli: Forever.

0:05:35 Thomas: She has to scream as loud as possible. This is my poor daughter. This is her mentality in a nutshell. Mom is leaving her forever. Every time that happens and never coming.

0:05:43 Eli: She's gone forever.

0:05:44 Thomas: And furthermore, I'm probably in the car too. And we're all probably inthe car going like, ha, we hate Phoebe. We hate Phoobe. We're probably just driving off.

0:05:48 Eli: Arlo's in the car. Yeah.

0:05:52 Tom: Shaving and putting after shave on there's burglars that are trying to get into the house it's a whole thing paint cans on strings

0:05:56 Eli: You got big ice cream cones in her favorite flavor.

0:05:59 Thomas: In Yeah, in her, yeah, we took all her favorite toys with us, like, in her mind, it's sad, but true, like breaks my heart, but that is how her mind works, and it's exhausting, and then I didn't realize, poor Phoebe, she, this time she's right, and we're wrong, because she comes in, she's like, dad, I think, I miss school, I was like, I'm sorry, I think I miss cool, it was late, and I was, like oh, fuck, no, you have a clock now, and you can tell time, shit, I didn' t realize, and And she has just like a fun little kid clock that obviously is not connected to the internet. And so it didn't change. And she was like, it's late. It's I miss school. And mom left. And like, I don't blame her. Like, she probably thought like, oh, school time. And they just left.

0:06:40 Tom: That's so different than my kids would have been like I missed school I'm gonna be very fucking quiet and not tell no they haven't figured it out like all right they would would not be panicked about like missing a day even this day they'd be like right

0:06:43 Thomas: And fucking sweet.

0:06:43 Eli: And it's not one someone else's fault. Yeah.

0:06:52 Thomas: I know. I'd be like, if I stay very still, maybe the clock forgot I exist.

0:06:55 Tom: I think school is based on movement if I don't

0:06:59 Eli: See, Max can tell time and doesn't give a fuck, which was a nice mix. Right? Right? Cause like we come in every morning and I'm like, what time? Looking at it, I was like, Hey, look, eight 32. And he was like fucking care move. Like it's just could not give a less of a shit.

0:07:12 Thomas: Does he know what time stuff happens though oh

0:07:15 Eli: Yes, of course. We talk about it all the time. And you just fucking could not Give less of a fuck. Just push past me downstairs for the Cheerios. Also he wakes up and so that yesterday morning when the time changed, he just wakes up when his body wakes up.

0:07:16 Thomas: He does oh okay wow what what does that mean oh yeah

0:07:30 Eli: And hangs out in his room. So he woke up when the time changed right so he woke up at 6 in the morning my time and was just like what's up boss man time to get up and I was like hey buddy we actually gained an extra hour of sleep and he's like who told you that Joe Biden nah fuck off alright come on buddy let's get downstairs it's time for some multigrain Cheerios

0:07:38 Thomas: Like that only passed the senate not that yeah oh

0:07:46 Tom: I don' t know about you guys though like like fallback always I'm like I'm gonna get an extra hour of sleep except for that I still go go to bed at the same clock time the day before so like I try to be asleep between 12 and 1 and so I'm like all right well it's not 12 or 1 so I I should if I were a smarter man be like oh I'll go to bet at like know a regular time and get the extra hour but I just stay up an extra hour like every time I'm not gonna fall back so I can just stay a little bit longer and I'll stay up and extra hour and then continue to short myself the precious precious commodity of sweet sweet sleep I never actually get it ever yeah not one day no

0:08:26 Eli: Never never has and I don't imagine I ever will I don'T imagine I EVER will but gentlemen Gentlemen, do you know the only thing worse than an archaic system that of America? Why? It's the auto ads. Sure, we should have changed over to a new system of ads by now. Maybe subconscious ads or overly conscious ads. Perhaps product placement in the show. Ah, Coca -Cola. But we haven't. But if you want to avoid our old -fashioned auto ads, you can do it over at patreon.com/dearolddads. Where, for as little as a dollar, you'll get an ad -free version of every single show. Plus, a little parenting story at the end. A little extra content right there at the eeeend. We got bonus episodes just recorded at AMA. Do they have that yet, Thomas?

0:09:10 Thomas: Yeah they've had that for a while sec

0:09:12 Eli: Alright, you got your AMA already on the fresh, hot new AMA, already sitting there as a bonus for everyone over at patreon.com/dearolddads reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Pin, pin, pin. Pin to it.

0:09:30 Thomas: Wanted to talk about something that and I love this is my favorite kind of dads uh because I actually need your help on something I actually needs your help and although it's my least favorite because it means something's wrong, but that's okay. Having a parenting problem. Caller Thomas S. needs to get your help. So I introduced Arlo to video games a while back. I've talked about it. It's his favorite thing in the whole world. It is all he wants to do forever. I have conflicted feelings about that, but then again, pretty much anything we introduce Arlo two is kind of that it was Legos. And then, um, came up against a real issue there where I realized for him to be happy, I'd have to buy a new, um $500 Lego set every like three days.

0:10:14 Thomas: He'd be like, I need another one. And he's like crying. He's having a real fit over it. I'm like, buddy, like, are fucking, you have no concept of how expensive this is. Like they are have you guys bought a lego set recently five hundred dollars for like the good ones and crazy I never would have bought them for the kids I bought them from me and then I never have time to do them so then he got hooked on this high grade fucking crack that is these amazing lego sets nope

0:10:25 Tom: My god yeah I expensive yeah does

0:10:25 Eli: Yeah and he's not trickable with like custom designs from the internet because

0:10:42 Thomas: I may be actually I I did buy him a cheaper one uh I he hasn't had interest but it could also be the video games so

0:10:50 Eli: Of my dad friends has tricked his lego kid he's got one of them and he really he would like did no so he did a forward projection and realized that he his child could have as many legos as he wanted or go to college and so what he did was after they build the thing right take it apart and they sort it which the kid likes just as much uh then he takes instructions so there's like a lego website I don't remember it off the top of my head but you can basically plug in hey these are the parts I got here are the sets I own and then you get a bunch of user generated lego builds that you can build from pieces you already have no

0:10:54 Thomas: Knockoff ones that's pretty cool however

0:11:29 Tom: Arlo not like free play lego because Because, like, Eamon loves Lego, but, like he doesn't really give too much of a shit

0:11:34 Eli: Wants to build the thing

0:11:32 Thomas: Like he kind of does yeah and that's the other thing I was gonna say is he also loved here's the problem again I didn't intend for him to do these I bought like a couple for myself like 10 years ago like seriously I bought them they just sat and they were amazing because I was like for me to buy something I was like oh it's the thing I like you know it was like like, the whole Hogwarts castle, or the whole whatever, I was like, this is cool, and now fucked up, that's His Standard of Lego, where he's like, he wants it to be together, and he wants to play with it, he doesn't want to take it apart, he does not want, you know, so it is like, we are stuck where it needs to be togther, and so anyway, I did buy him a cheap one, we will see if he ever gets back into it, maybe I will make him one of these days, but right now, he is having fun with video games, he loves video games and it is hard because, obviously, I love video games, too. I don't have time. However, loophole in the universe. If my kid likes something, then I get to do it. And I have time for

0:12:27 Thomas: It because I have to make time from have to be a dad.

0:12:27 Eli: That's right. Yeah! Yeah.

0:12:29 Thomas: But I see. OK, don't Lydia. You didn't hear this. Don't no one knows about this. But if I get my kids to do something I want to do, thenI get todo that thing that I wouldn't otherwise have timefor. And the funny thing is, I didn't really have to try my heart, the the, old video games that I had as a kid, I um, know there's a million good video games, but the old ones I had super Mario world, you know, some of the NES ones, maybe the super Nintendo mainly, those are just so good that we played them a little and he, he loves them and he doesn't want the other one. Like he we've I gave him the opportunity to play the most amazing complex current video games. And then he's like, but Mario world fucking rules. And it just does. He is correct

0:13:09 Eli: And he's correct and it's so cheap right because every video game except for this current generation you pay like seven bucks a month and Nintendo online is just like here's all our previous consoles fucking go nuts man just do whatever the fuck you want with every game boy game and nintendo game ever ever ever let alone the emulator ones right the fucking ones you could buy at the mall that you just plug into the tv which have all the bajillion bagillion games on them as well yeah edible

0:13:31 Thomas: It's been fantastic yep I I have all my original systems still so I just have that and I let him play that it's awesome so it is the best I love it so much then Phoebe was getting a little sad that she wasn't playing but the hard thing with Phoebe is that I don't know how much she is serious because sometimes she just wants to find a thing to be upset about and then if I offer her that thing she doesn't care about it you know like she She, she just kind of wanted to have a thing to be upset about, which I, you know, I get, I'm not like judging her for it, but I'm just, I'm often just not sure.

0:13:44 Eli: They're amazing yep all kids no all kids do that and it's the fucking worst thomas this is a safe space for the three hours you spend being like hey I remember you really freaked out last night about not getting red jelly beans so daddy instead of sleeping I went through and I opened up all the packages yeah and I went down to wall I fought an old man in the lobby and I got his key and I a bowl of red jelly beads and they're like thanks at best at

0:14:19 Thomas: I, I went, I drove across the country to get the, yeah. Yep. I'm like, oh yeah, no,

0:14:31 Tom: I was going to say You get a thanks?

0:14:32 Thomas: That,

0:14:32 Eli: At best it's thanks in 99 of the time they're just like joey has a new hat and you're like Like, hey, I'm going to fucking kill myself, and I'd love it if you made eye contact the whole time.

0:14:33 Thomas: You don't get a thanks. A thanks would be Christmas. I'd cry if I got a thanks, yeah, her brain has a module. That's what did Arlo get that I didn't get and it it'll be insane like if I do that which I've done before like oh I'm gonna like make it right because I don't want things to be unfair I'm like I'm going to make it write she'll got but but he did this the paper is folded that he had and then my it'll just be nothing you know and I'll be like all right I can't sorry I can'T do that but

0:14:56 Eli: Of course, yeah. It's such a request. It feels so reasonable in the moment, right? Because come to you, and they do the things they did when they're not. Well, eventually you learn they're full of shit. But they do they do when there's actual injustice, right, where they'll be like, this person had a this. And you're like, hey. Let's make things fair, right. You're not me. You're not growing up with like the hurt command in my day. We just had a hurt and we didn't give it a go, right? You don't have to do that to your kid is so lovely.

0:15:09 Thomas: Think she knows she's full of shit yeah yeah oh at first Yeah. Yep.

0:15:33 Eli: And then they're like, I don't fucking care about that. I tricked you. I trick, I lied to you. And which is so amazing. Cause whenever you read a toddler book, they're like, they don't lie. And I'm like, they fucking lie.

0:15:42 Thomas: Oh, they lie all the time.

0:15:43 Eli: All they do is lie. They

0:15:45 Thomas: They lie all the time the

0:15:43 Tom: They lie all the time That's the lie, what are you talking about?

0:15:45 Eli: Won't stop lying. You come to my house. This motherfucker will lie to you so hard.

0:15:49 Thomas: The only slight amendment I'll put on that is they are capable of twisting their well, at least Phoebe. I think she thinks she's telling the truth like she'll instantly get some ridiculous thing going about how Arlo has something she doesn't and it now now that I think about it, it's kind of a profound thought. Cause like, I do think a lot of adults even do that where we we have a negative brain feeling of some kind, and then we actually search for what would be causing it. And we're not always right. Like we're often just like, I feel like shit.

0:16:19 Thomas: And and what is it? And maybe that's not even the right explanation. And now I'm realizing like, this might just be a sign that Phoebe is just undergoing a lot of like mental stress all the time. And like, Like, I think she's trying to find ways. And I already knew that. But, like, I Think She's Trying to Find Ways to Explain It.

0:16:18 Tom: 100%, yeah

0:16:31 Eli: She's got to cut down the number of podcasts she does, man like I hate to call her out on air like this but she's gotta stop she's gotta stop it's too much

0:16:38 Thomas: She, poor girl.

0:16:38 Tom: Well, yeah, the, feedback loop, like I will say, like, just like you're, you're a hundred percent, the feed back loop between anxiety is bi -directional. So, you know, I think we, a lot of times say, oh, if you're feeling anxious, we have to look for the cause. And that's a very understandable, but I think often wrongheaded approach

0:16:56 Eli: Serious Inquiries Only, that's the pun I have in case anyone was wondering that's what I had I'm

0:16:59 Tom: Because a lot OF times, like the anxiety is the feeling that you have in your body and your brain is just like all right well if I have it I've got to come up with a cause for it even though yeah it's so people don't

0:17:07 Thomas: 100%.

0:17:08 Eli: So sorry opening our elements I just if I didn't get it can I just get opening our elements in there real quick tom

0:17:12 Tom: Arguments

0:17:11 Thomas: Opening Arlo Mints. Yeah. Serious Inquiries Only. I don't know.

0:17:17 Eli: I did not hear a word you said just now my nose is bleeding really hard from horse

0:17:19 Tom: That's okay it's all gibberish I'm just making sounds it's

0:17:22 Thomas: No, it's 100 % right. But I did feel bad though, because this was about time I was spending and that I'm very sensitive to. I was like, I am spending too much time. And so I thought, okay, it it is incredibly difficult because the times I make the effort, I forget if I've mentioned this, sorry, if I have the times, I've made the effort. The things Phoebe wants me to do are so fucking involved and like mentally taxing. Seriously.

0:17:32 Tom: But did you explain to her that you like him better because his interests are more fun for you because I mean that would probably work fine

0:17:51 Thomas: It'll be like, oh, okay. Hey, Arlo, though I can I off and play super mario world with one of my favorite games of all time that I know backwards and forwards and I love and I mean I could just essentially get some mental rest phoebe's like oh cool write a one -act play and everyone you know is going to read it and it better be good otherwise like your teachers from high school and college are all going to get in a circle and critique it in front of your friends and family but yeah immediately

0:17:51 Eli: Write it live right now in front of me and if any of the words aren't what I like you'll spend the rest of the play dealing with my emotional breakdown but don't break character you're still Uncle Vanya

0:18:28 Thomas: Yeah. And don't break eye contact with me the whole time. Like be intensely focused on me. It's, yep, yep.

0:18:32 Eli: Don't pay attention to the device on your pocket don't do anything you think yeah

0:18:37 Thomas: And it's impossible. I try, but yeah, what's unfortunate is like, I want to be fair about the time and attention I'm giving my kids. I do. But it is actually really hard when it's like, okay, one unit of Arlo time takes three calories of brain. One unit of Phoebe time takes your whole life's essence like it's so hard and I it's I hard to change so I was trying to find a way to blend it all together especially because it is nicer if we're all doing something together so then I thought of something I was like wait a minute one of my favorite games of all time is Stardew Valley and I just floated it out there like Phoebe you know there's a video game that I think you would really like and because it's about farming it's about doing all the stuff you get to have animals and she actually was like Like, that's amazing. She really wanted to see it. And I was still skeptical because she hasn't gotten into video games, really. I was worried she wouldn't, but she wanted to. And so I finally eventually got it. And I figured out how to, you know, we could play multiplayer on

0:18:39 Tom: It's the sonic game yeah

0:19:30 Thomas: Like my old Switch. It's got co -op. Exactly. And then I did a thing that like I spend forever on this story. I'm really trying not to, I promise. But I did something that my dad or parents would have never done, which is I had bought the OLED Switch when the new Zelda came out. I got like the Zelda special edition thing, you know, and upon doing some research, I realized, oh, it's actually exactly the fucking same. I didn't realize they have not improved their switch at one all. Like, if you're playing on the TV, that's exactly the same. But if you'RE playing on The Switch, which I would never do because I'm an adult and I'll hurt every every muscle in my body, every my eyeballs, everything will hurt if I play on The switch without a TV for five seconds. But the kids always do that. And so I was like, you know, I'm going to downgrade myself back to my original old switch and I'm going to give them the good switch because they actually use the screen and I don't. And

0:19:31 Eli: It's got co -op yeah yeah yeah of course

0:20:21 Thomas: So, I did all that and I figured I was annoying. I had to, like, recreate users. I had to do all this stuff. I was, like. You guys have no fucking idea. Like, my parents would never have done any of that.

0:20:30 Eli: Thomas I'm so glad you brought that back your parents wouldn't have done dick this story is just over sometimes phoebe cries all right thanks for coming to the fucking smith smith cast I

0:20:41 Tom: Spending with my dad was like yeah what chores are like my dad would be like yeah I'm doing some woodworking you can come hang out with me in the woodworking shop and like like use the wet dry vac and I'd be like yeah all right that's

0:20:45 Thomas: Can we do together? Yeah. That does sound fun, actually. Yeah, yeah.

0:20:52 Eli: Adored my dad he was an incredibly attentive parent he had no fucking interest in my bullshit and I get it right it was boring shit but he was never like all right kiddo let me pull up to final fantasy 10 uh let's say so this is tifa you say huh all right let me see if I can help cloud fight his dad who's a whale now like this fucking that's not that was not the dynamic yeah and my dad was a good dad again your parents would have somehow found a way to punish you for that situation you bought too many legos now you can't eat or something anyway so yeah so you upgrade them to the good switch you

0:21:25 Thomas: That's just now Nick I have grabbed the good switch and step one I tell Arlo hey man I of what we said a moment ago hey buddy I did something really cool here's a brand new for you amazing switch with a better screen and what thinking, wow, thank you, dad. You're such a great dad. You should do a show about being a dad.

0:21:45 Eli: Don't need to get a vasectomy hey dad

0:21:48 Thomas: Wow, you put in work. You downgraded your own Switch in order to give me, your son, a better one. Incredible. I will never lose touch with you as long as I live and I'm not putting you in a home. That's like all the things you hope. Instead, I get crying and anger. He's mad at me because I gave him a new Switch. And I'm like, buddy, what are you talking about? Well, here's the thing he thinks, but I'm going to have to start my game over. I was like, buddy, come on, man. Like had one of those. Do you guys do this with your kids? I don't know if it's, if it applies to you, but my kids are prone to the freakouts. And at I've lost the patience where I'm like, Hey, I'm your dad. I always think of this stuff and I always do it. Like, have I ever just been like, Oh, your game's done. I've deleted it. I don'T care. Anyway, leaving. Bye. Like, do I ever do that? Or do every

0:21:49 Eli: Just for that keep your tubes intact oh yeah yeah

0:22:38 Thomas: Time I figure out a way to have your perfect exact fucking thing that you want because I care about you and want you to have it. And every fucking time, I didn't like yell at him, but I was like, buddy, can't you trust me? Like, don't you stress that I would think of that? Like, I wouldn't want, you put in so much time to your Mario Odyssey game on Switch. Do you think I would let that ever go? Do you thing I would just like delete it?

0:22:53 Eli: Maybe ask me with your mouth before you freak out

0:22:58 Thomas: Before you have a tantrum and cry and yell at me. And

0:23:01 Tom: You considered this what the fuck do you know you're just dad so like if you think about in that term like I mean you've gotta you gotta back up from there yeah you

0:23:10 Thomas: Just the entity that has made all this happen for him from the beginning and explained every video game to him and knows everything like I as far as he's concerned I'm the god of video games like he'll say like dad are you the best at video games in the world I'm like no but but but yeah sure oh yeah I don't want them getting the unrealistic expectations I'm juste like no there's a lot of people in the road but oh

0:23:13 Eli: Close

0:23:24 Tom: Say no to that you say know oh I would say yes oh

0:23:26 Eli: Close oh that's gonna gonna be you're great santini when he finally beats you at like Like Smash Bros or something, right?

0:23:35 Thomas: I can't wait it won't take long it'll it'll be like next year.

0:23:37 Eli: Trying to bounce a 64 controller off his face. You want to be the man? Ah, it's broken. Never mind.

0:23:40 Tom: I a thousand percent would have told the kids like oh yeah Yeah. I'm the best in the world with that. A hundred. Yeah. I, when their kids were little, I used to tell them I wrote songs that they like, they'd like hear a song on the radio.

0:23:46 Thomas: Well, I hear you accept. Oh my God.

0:23:51 Eli: What I do. I tell max,

0:23:52 Tom: I'd be like, I wrote that song. Yeah, I'd like, Oh, I, I write that this.

0:23:52 Eli: I invented the Macarena. Whenever the Macarina comes

0:23:55 Thomas: Fuck is wrong with you.

0:23:55 Eli: On, I go, this is the

0:23:56 Thomas: Pathological liars.

0:23:56 Eli: Song that daddy created.

0:23:58 Thomas: Jesus. That

0:23:58 Tom: There'll be like a part of the song. I'm like, wait, hold on. I wrote this part. And then like a pardal play and they'll be Like, I'll be, like, see, that's pretty good. Right. That's pretty Good. That shit's funny.

0:24:07 Eli: Two versus one, Thomas. You take your judgment out of the space.

0:24:08 Thomas: Is wow. I guess that's insane. I don't know what's happening.

0:24:10 Tom: They don't believe you like at a certain point, it just becomes what happens. It makes it fun is that at it's some certain point they just catch on and then they just roll their eyes and it's a funny thing.

0:24:19 Eli: Bert the monkey.

0:24:20 Tom: It's just, yeah.

0:24:21 Eli: Or they don't. And they go into a psycho psychophobic state either way funzo for me shouldn't have spat out your passy so much

0:24:25 Thomas: So only problem is I did realize I wanted arlo to watch some speedrun videos anyway which would have given up the game but like I was like buddy here's how good people are video games like this someone who beat all of mario 3 in like four minutes like it's amazing it's incredible and he watched he watched an entire playthrough of something that that I pulled up, like, unblinking, talk about the touch of the tism, un -fucking -blinking sat there with my phone for, like two hours of one of the games, and watched it forever, he watched Odyssey, Mario Odyssey playthrough, and then he just, like memorized where everything is now, and he's like, he did actually eventually forget a lot of it, but like, that a two and a half hour playthrough, I and he watched the entire thing without moving, it's, yeah, he's He's into video games. And so anyway, we got through that and he appreciated that. And I also, I went on, I took Tom's tip of going on Facebook Marketplace. I think they're coming out with a new Switch soon. So I got like an old shitty one for like a dollar.

0:25:23 Thomas: Yeah, and so I got a really cheap one so Phoebe could play with us. Because the Stardew Valley, you can't do split screen more than two people. And I was like, well, that's not fair. I don't want to just do one person. So anyway, I got it all hooked up. We all have our Switches. It's the most delightful thing. We have three Switches and we play Stardew Valley together. And I thought it would be a nice walk in the park. It's a calm farming game. What could go wrong? Hey, here's what could go in multiplayer You can't pause the fucking march of time and everything in that game is like, okay Did I plant the stuff in time to plant this? I gotta water the crops Do I feed the animals my god Phoebe

0:25:21 Eli: Beginning of january yeah yeah

0:25:57 Thomas: Feed the animal is gonna die Like and you can't pause it like when you play one player just whenever you're in a menu the time stops You know, like whenever you do anything the time stuff and then in this one you can so there's I've looked it up there's no way to pause it so I've had to realize like oh well then we just can't do any I've tried to like just calmly play it which for me you know is hard like I can't just like calmly play something I have to still try to accomplish anything here's why I bring this up for one it is my favorite thing we've had some great times doing farm stuff it like a three-player stardew valley with my two sweet kids arlo wants to go fight monsters in the cave phoebe wants to plant stuff and do animal it's the best it's the best what a time I

0:26:05 Eli: Of course you

0:26:36 Thomas: Love it so much Yeah, I just, I leave out my fantasies of sleeping.

0:26:36 Eli: Just keep putting your character to sleep yeah

0:26:42 Thomas: I wake up, get in bed. No, I, yeah.

0:26:45 Eli: Into monster caves with no armor and no weapons just spread your arms wide

0:26:51 Thomas: Yeah, did Suicide by Cop in the game? I, no, I try to make the money.

0:26:57 Eli: Jump in front of that bus that keeps pulling up yeah thomas

0:26:59 Thomas: The drunk lady drives, yeah, I try to make some money because you need it for them to, like, get stuff and they don't understand it, so it's mirroring real life where they want the stuff and they do not understand that, okay,

0:27:10 Tom: You plug into a game and go to work.

0:27:13 Eli: Did you start too many podcasts in stardew valley hey welcome to stardew inquiries only today

0:27:19 Thomas: So anyway I gotta cut this one short because I gotta water the crops for the kids um then one of the days Arlo just decided to ruin the crops he's like oh I'm ruining these things and I had to that was one of the biggest parenting challenges of my life to not murder my child in that moment so I was trying I'm barely keeping this farm together like we're barely operating I get some plants going and he just destroys them

0:27:39 Eli: Now you know how great depression parents felt this

0:27:42 Thomas: They would have just killed their kids.

0:27:44 Eli: Is why people were selling their kids kids

0:27:47 Thomas: Who would take them back then?

0:27:49 Eli: That's what all those dusty

0:27:50 Thomas: So here's my question. We're having so much fun, but here's My question. Very frequently, I would say about half the days, something in a game, whether it's Stardew Valley or something else, will make my children, both of them, this happens to both of Them, so frustrated that they go homicidal to a degree that is tough to witness. Like they turn, they turn into like, I need to do an exorcism. It's that bad where they're just just like screaming. They're so mad about it. And my first instinct, my first instinct, sort of like a Tom's curfew episode. It's a little bit like that where we're like, my First Instinct is, oh, okay, well, you can't do this. I'm taking this away. You'll never, I'm killing the switch in

0:27:50 Eli: Photos were yeah right

0:28:28 Thomas: Front of you. That's my like instinct. I didn't do it, but that's my, like inside the, my parents would just like, oh okay.

0:28:34 Eli: That's the yeah the senior smiths are calling down through the ages burn the switch just obi -wan kenobi ghost burn the switch thomas lower

0:28:38 Thomas: The Yeah, Yeah. The wisdom of my ancestors

0:28:41 Tom: You have to go on a switch hunt.

0:28:42 Thomas: Is, yeah. Don't you want your kids to just hate you and be miserable?

0:28:45 Eli: The hood of your helmet and light your children's nintendo on fire he

0:28:50 Thomas: And so And I have taken it away when Arlo's just losing his mind because he's like, it's too hard. And it's like. I'm trying so hard to be like, hey, buddy, well, here's the options. You can try again. You're going to stop playing. You can play something else like I don't. But like having an insane fit about it, I don't know what that's doing. That's just me. All that's doing is now I'm taking the switch away from you and you don't get to play. And obviously this very rational approach works perfectly and he's solved from there on.

0:29:16 Eli: Was like oh thank you so much father you know what I've realized I need a slightly more even and temper because after all we're having a good time am I right hey dad you don't need a vasectomy he

0:29:17 Thomas: Father, yeah. I will say it did actually work. Okay, once, so Arlo is so addicted to video games.

0:29:30 Eli: Untied your ball tubes with his rage yeah

0:29:32 Thomas: The next day, everyone needs to listen to the bonus. We talked about that on the bonus, that's right. Hey, patreon.com/dearolddads yeah so he had a day where he was like our butler and he was amazing and it was the best like because he realized like oh I do need to be well behaved to play switch um if he's gonna be a shit like he's I'm not I can't let him play his video games forever if he's gonna be horrible to us in different ways and then he really he it did actually work but there is still this frustration and so my my question for you gents is like my first instinct was oh well this is screen time anyway it's something I should probably be not letting them do this much they're playing video games video games you know I think is where the devil gets you or something from the 80s and this is something I should just take away they can't manage it but then I had a thought of like wait a minute that's ronald reagan speaking or whatever I one video people make careers out of video games now and like a lot of people it's not just

0:29:33 Tom: Does

0:29:39 Eli: You don't get it you don't pay us correct

0:30:23 Thomas: Like oh back in the day the guy from the movie the wizard where they had mario three preview in it it's amazing if you haven't seen it uh from 1991 or whatever 89 um it's not just like the best of the best it's like people all kinds of people make money playing video games this is very clearly something arlo loves like you can tell this he loves it like it's it's he really loves it he loves everything about it he lives no it's just a passion of his and we're having this really fun family time together on the farm that's just hard labor for me so but my thought is like, well, does it make sense playing

0:30:53 Tom: He get that frustrated I have a quick question does he get that frustrating when you're playing together or is that frustration primarily when he's playing alone yeah

0:31:00 Thomas: Alone? So it'll be when he can't beat something himself. Him, it's that. For Phoebe, it'll the minute we had another like, can't you trust me moment because we were trying to boot into Stardew Valley and they have to do a pretty specific thing to do co -op. So I have to host the co -up. They have to go to the join the co‑op spot and pick the right thing. Phoebe was like, it'S NOT WORKING! IT'S NOT W - like one of the first times she freaked out so badly and I had to take away switch could like right when we were about to play which fucking sucks for me too because like hit me and she got mad and she like threw the switch I was like oh no you're not that's not happening like so so my thought is that's always my first thought take it away you don't need it this is a privilege anyway so you're gonna ruin it but then my next thought is like not only our video games I think a good thing in a lot of ways especially for Arlo he's gonna be a fucking fucking gamer I'm not there there's not only do I like it I'm not I even if I didn't like it fighting it would be insane yeah

0:31:34 Eli: Yeah no that's dead he's already harassing women online this kid's so advanced

0:31:57 Tom: He actually called his first swat in last week yeah he's swatting other preschoolers that's crazy

0:31:58 Thomas: It's amazing you should see it yeah yeah the way he decided that this female games journalist must have been corrupt because oh so quickly

0:32:07 Eli: My god it's amazing he's got some really advanced rape apologetics I mean I know every parent says oh my kids got really advanced rape apologetics but I mean he's he's like pulling up prison statistics that people don't understand super well it's really god he's gonna make something

0:32:19 Thomas: He's like up up down down sir whatever that thing code is and also if what was she wearing like those are the two you.

0:32:23 Eli: He's done some raids with some white supremacists on twitch it's been really lovely it's Been really lovely to

0:32:28 Thomas: And he's good at pretending it's ironic the whole time, you know? Oh, fantastic.

0:32:31 Eli: My god yeah the apologetics are just off the

0:32:34 Thomas: What are you talking about, dad? It's just a joke. I'm just, I would never. But

0:32:35 Eli: He he's on kill tony next week actually yeah

0:32:39 Thomas: And he somehow voted for Trump. Like he filled out a ballot. I don't know how he did it, but it's all, he says it's ironic. So the vote is ironic. Yeah, yeah, he's amazing.

0:32:44 Eli: It's an ironic vote yeah yeah right

0:32:45 Tom: That fixes it that does that that fixes

0:32:48 Thomas: But then my other thought is, okay, is is it actually even correct parenting that the only way to solve something where my child is not managing their emotions they're getting too mad they're getting too frustrated is to just take it away from them or should I be trying to find a way for them to work through it like any other challenge I feel like probably more of the instinct would be yeah you shouldn't just take away like if your kid's getting frustrated at homework well this is a bad one for eli or somebody but if your kids getting frustrated at homework would you be like never do homework again in your life here's I'm taking away you You shouldn't do homework ever.

0:32:48 Tom: Is it right

0:33:19 Thomas: Never do it. Or would you be like, well, yes, this is probably too much homework because that's what we do to kids now. But let's work our way through this. Let's try to find a way to get past these big emotions. And shouldn't I apply that same thing to the Nintendo Switch? So that's my question for you, gents. What do you think?

0:33:34 Eli: Yeah I completely agree I think your head is in exactly the right spot and I think you understand where that line is too right which is like when it's resulting in bad behavior we take it away so that we can pause and make better decisions not as a punishment right but like if you're punching me in the throat because of stardew valley we take the switch away so so that you can stop punching me in the throat and calm down, right? That's how kids learn to regulate their emotions. We basically regulate their emissions for them. And then they're like, and you're like all right, great. Now we can come back to the thing because taking it away doesn't work and that's not how things work, right.

0:34:08 Eli: And you do that enough times, especially when you make it a positive reinforcement thing. And we're going through this because Max is once again in a hitting phase, right, you make a positive reinforcements thing. Wow, you did a really good job calming down, buddy, like I'm really proud of you, right That's how they master those skills, and they learn frustration tolerance in a thing that doesn't matter while they're learning and navigating the language of video games, which, spoiler alert, is the language of computers, which spoiler alert is the language of the future.

0:34:08 Tom: What

0:34:37 Thomas: Yep. And also, Arlo's reading the words. He's getting good reading practice from the video game, too.

0:34:40 Eli: You're getting reading practice. Also, here's the thing, right? I was really interested in this. There is, as far as I can tell, and hey, give your baby a full bottle of Tylenol. I'm not an expert. Go listen to an expert, but from what I could tell from my raw dog and bfa research there is no study that says interactive video games inhibit learning do bad stuff to your brain do bad stuff to your attention span do anything bad that I can find the one study I could find is that people who played a lot of mortal kombat had lower answers on an empathy quiz in like 1992 that's it that is all I could fine right as far as I'm concerned they're doing an interactive thing video games these days I was and I'm so glad you brought up stardew valley they fucking rule they're about farming and friendship and gratitude and they take on really interesting conversations and questions there's but in stardew valley there's a fucking alcoholic who you help confront their problem right it's not scorpion rips off a guy's head anymore right and so I I think that video games are

0:35:40 Eli: It's Not only that but you can also rip off a guy's head in in it's it's there for everybody uh yeah I think there's a ton of good stuff and it sounds like you're you're walking exactly that right line and the part of you that says like oh this is too much time or they should artificially be you playing stick in a hoop like that's all bullshit man so

0:35:34 Tom: Well it's not only that yeah well

0:35:58 Thomas: Yeah. Probably get frustrated with stick and hoop anyway. Like, it's not like they'd be like, I can't get this stick of the fuck.

0:36:01 Eli: Kids

0:36:02 Tom: Then you got to take the stick away because they're hitting somebody with the stick and they've yeah what

0:36:05 Eli: Tom how was stick and hoop when you were 35 years old as a kid you

0:36:08 Tom: Do you mean I still like stick and hoop stick and hope is I'm I invented stick and who yeah it's pretty good that's

0:36:10 Eli: Still love stick and hoop sometimes he gets off his little lad bike and he's just sticking hoops for hours just sticking hoops around that's

0:36:16 Thomas: But his dad was like, ah, stick and hoop is corrupting the youths.

0:36:17 Tom: Stick and hoop while riding yeah I mean I once I got through the stick and hoop moral panic you know then I was able to to move I I think like if you're gonna look at video games as a way to train kids uh to deal with their frustrations I think I think that that's yeah well let's call it duty but like I think that that's probably pretty right headed I think though that you should you know consider having some plan ahead of time for what you want to do which is what you're asking for like I would talk to the kids and be like hey you know when we're not playing talk to them about you know sometimes when we play these games you you get real frustrated. So what should we do? Like ask them the question, what should we do when

0:36:24 Eli: To join the army yeah

0:36:56 Thomas: A good idea.

0:36:56 Tom: You get frustrated? You know, how can we work together? Consider putting the game itself in timeout. So not the kid in time out, but kids are fucking stupid, right? So you can be like, Hey, if the game is being stupid, let's put the game in time. Out. The game is being too frustrating.

0:37:13 Thomas: Never thought of that.

0:37:14 Tom: The game is being too hard right now. That's how the kids are looking at it.

0:37:17 Thomas: Interesting.

0:37:17 Tom: The kids are anthropomorphizing these games as something that is acting on them rather than something they're acting within oftentimes. So you can say, all right, what about if when the game is being stupid, we put the game in a five minute timeout and then we stand up and go get something to go get a snack. If them an opportunity to feel that feeling and to break away from the game in a way that says, it's not me that's getting frustrated, the game has been frustrated, but but you're giving them the habit. You're setting a habit of them being able to put it down and to walk away from it. You could also, like, if you know something specific is frustrating in the game, you could set a plan ahead of time. I don't know if this is where you're getting at. I don't play games. But, like if this certain level is particularly frustrating, could say, all right, that fucking water level in Mario is really, really frustrating. So what we're going to do is we're gonna do it together. You and I are going to sit down together and play the frustrating thing together. So you're encountering the frustrating thing as its own frustrating purpose, but you're doing it in a way that's collaborative with you and him or you and her, rather than he just encounters it on his own, gets frustrated, doesn't know what to do,

0:37:45 Thomas: Interesting... Yeah,

0:38:28 Tom: And kind of goes into this panic mode.

0:38:29 Thomas: I mean, that's tough because, again, with, you know with our lives if I had the time to do that we'd probably not be where we are like a lot of the time is like okay now I'm trying to play stardew valley so we all three are playing together but when when we have to be working and can't physically do stuff with and give them that attention it's what arlo likes to do by himself and so often it's that but I I think these are great tips because um I've done some of this but I think the working ahead I need to do I think Thinking ahead to that and preparing them with an approach is a great idea. And Arlo, it's also a tough thing for some of this because both my kids do this. They'll be like super tantrum fit, throwing a fit tantrum thing. It's too hard. Okay, do you want me to help you with it? No! I want to do it myself! Okay, but you can't do this though. So, yes, I have to like and they get they lock themselves in this like torment of they have to do it, but they can't stop. They can't get help. They can't stop being frustrated and they hate it. But also they they never want to play it again, but also it's their favorite thing and they have to play right the second it's so they get locked into some of those patterns to

0:39:38 Thomas: Where they They don't want me to help. And sometimes if I ever do help, then they're even more mad at me. They're like did the thing for them or whatever. Um Arlo it's interesting because there's I think Lydia has done a great job of this because Arlo has this pattern where he gets frustrated with a thing and often it'll be like okay he kind of lost switch for the night because he was he so it's funny go and get the switch is now the reward for our kids uh anyway go pick out a switch from the from the three that we have Yeah.

0:40:03 Eli: Pick out a switch from out back no no not the normal one the oled one you know what you did now lower your pants

0:40:17 Thomas: And harass women. No. So those jokes aside. So, and he'll like sleep on it and then he'll, the next day he'll just like accomplish the thing he was trying to do. And, and like Lydia has done a great job of doing that positive reinforcement of like, Hey, you you know, you got frustrated, but then you came back to it and all that. That and so I I'm glad to hear that the answer from from guys even though moral panics aside I was worried there'd be some moral panic that tom would talk me into that like actually the switch is stealing their soul away from them I don't know or

0:40:45 Tom: I we we the kids like like we're very like we give the kids pretty unlimited screen time and they have switches they've had switches and game boys and all that stuff not nintendo DS they had DS's yeah they had ds and all of that shit and we don't police the time on that stuff at all so no personally enjoy that stuff but I don't really think there's anything to like get worked up about too much so I will say like sometimes had a lot more frustration problems um was never a big gamer Finn was not a big gamer but Finn would have frustration problem and when he was little you know one of the things that I remember working on with with Finn was how to manage those big frustration feelings and what I would always tell him all the time is like look and we have to do it repetitively and over the course of time but like it really did help is I would explain to him allthe time everything's easier when we're calm everything is going to be easier whenwe're calm this game

0:40:57 Eli: Those are game boys yeah and

0:41:03 Thomas: Interesting thing.

0:41:39 Tom: Is harder right now because we're not calm so let's find a way to get calm because it's going to be easier everything hurts less when we're calm everything feels better when we're calm how do we get calm let's go do this thing that we've decided ahead of time that we like to do in order to become calm again in order for it to get calm again because the game will be easier I guarantee and it will that's the thing is that that's true and because it's true it works and so if you work on that with them and you help them understand like hey we're upset and I get it it's fuck it's this game is being so stupid right now let's put the game in time out get a snack and get calm it'll it'll be easier when we're calm.

0:42:01 Thomas: That's a good, yeah. Ooh, I like that. I

0:42:18 Tom: And then you build that habit of getting calm and then solving problems.

0:42:18 Thomas: Like that. And I could also throw in like, hey, you know how I, the best video game player in the world, beat this level? I was calm.

0:42:29 Tom: Well, it wasn't by freaking the fuck out. You little shit. Throwing my game boy across the room.

0:42:30 Thomas: And, yeah, and did my homework first. I don't know, throw in some other things. I ate my vegetables. That's how I did it.

0:42:39 Eli: My dad didn't have a vasectomy that's probably the most important part don't you think carlo you

0:42:43 Tom: I will say too, like the kids would get frustrated with the games and I'd, and they'd be like, dad, you know, come help. But I'd be Like, I don't fucking know how to do this. And I would just tell him like, I don' t know, man. I don'' t know. Don't play games I don't know how this works you're better you're off than I am like I you're already better at it than I'm

0:42:51 Thomas: I'd be like, I'm worse at it. That'd be nice to have that now that I think about it

0:42:59 Tom: Yeah I did have the advantage of being able to shrug and be like fucking that's not for me dude I have no idea I

0:43:04 Eli: Want me to punch it and punch it I could probably find the guy who made it and punch him

0:43:07 Tom: Was like no I mean I'll just not buy it ever again no but to so they didn't kind of turn to me for for like help getting through levels or getting past things like that

0:43:18 Thomas: Weaponized incompetence

0:43:14 Eli: Now I'm picturing a tom blog that's about how to get past super mario odyssey's water level Boys, there will come a day where you are underwater and that stupid fucking fish is faster than you. You gotta use your hat to knock off his hat and then take over his body. Alright, gentlemen. Before we go, my wife and I met a lesbian couple and we really hit it off. As a guy, I couldn't pass up the opportunity and asked if they'd like to join us for a foursome. Unfortunately, they don't play golf.

0:43:27 Thomas: What the fuck

0:44:00 Eli: Am I right? Am I right? Am I wrong?

0:44:01 Tom: Oh my God that was

0:44:04 Eli: Am I everybody? Thanks for coming down to Dear Old Dads, everyone.

0:44:01 Thomas: I hate this I hated every yeah okay Tony whatever fucking

0:44:16 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith who also wrote and recorded the intro music which is used with his permission this podcast is a production of daddy issues LLC copyright 2022 all rights reserved

0:44:57 Eli: My day. We just had a hurt and we didn't give it a go, right? Break character you're still Uncle Vanya yes I tell max, I invented the Macarena.

0:45:07 Tom: Kids are fucking stupid, right?