DOD158: Yep, Still Micro-Cheating

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and utter dependence. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

0:00:22 Clip: Telling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

0:00:28 Clip: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that, forgot to, record a, a second intro, for the, two -part show, that we did, so, just me, hello, gentlemen, you're not there, yeah, I'm just recording this, like a week later,

0:00:45 Thomas: You know, the only things worse than not recording an intro, is not didn't tell us anything of what's happening. This is part two of 21 examples of micro -cheating, a fun list that we have even more fun going through on this part two. Make sure you've listened to part one, otherwise you're just going to be lost. You won't have any idea who any of us are, any of the characters are. Of course, the only thing really worse than this horrible intro is the auto -ads. That's right, the things we have absolutely no control over, so don't email or write in about it. I mean, you can, but there's nothing I can do about it, we those at patreon .com slash dear old dads and the bonus with Heath. You definitely want that bonus with Heath. It was really good. All said, let's get to the real episode. Part two of examples of micro cheating after this annoying ad. Okay. And so now we're getting, here we go. Number 10, telling someone you're single when you aren't.

0:01:40 Thomas: Obviously. I love that this, it started from micro cheating to now just, just cheating, just macro.

0:01:41 Tom: The fuck of course what

0:01:48 Thomas: That's just called cheating.

0:01:46 Eli: Is that's just cheating

0:01:48 Tom: The shit yeah is there controversy around that where someone's like I totally thought that would be cool baby I don't know like I right

0:01:51 Thomas: I know. Hey, you could have had a list of nine things, you know, is that the problem? Are we still doing the 10 that you need 21 things for some reason? Eleven, sending someone photos of yourself. Now, what kind of normal photos? Could normal photos be fine?

0:01:58 Tom: Yeah

0:02:01 Eli: Yeah Normal photos are fine.

0:02:08 Thomas: OK, I don't know.

0:02:09 Eli: Sexy photos are not fine.

0:02:10 Thomas: Are normal photos fine? Like, do you get like is that would that be weird?

0:02:14 Tom: Are you sending photos of somebody directly for like if it's not like a work thing where I'm like here's my fucking professional headshots What am I sending? That's weird, right? Like,

0:02:17 Thomas: That's that's what I'm saying. You don't take photos, Tom.

0:02:25 Eli: Let's live in the real world, right? I'm just hanging out one day and I'm like, I miss my friend Haley. Haven't seen Haley for a couple of years. I wonder how things are going. Just send her a little selfie. Hey, girl. Gee, a little peace sign in the corner.

0:02:39 Tom: That would be so weird. I wouldn't be mad about it, but it would be, that

0:02:39 Thomas: That's that is pretty weird.

0:02:41 Eli: Don't think that's weird. I'm going to do it right now. I's not

0:02:45 Tom: Would be like a genuinely, like, it would Be such a weird thing to do. Like, it Would be less weird if you took like a video of yourself talking. It Was like, just chit -chatting, want to catch up with you or whatever, but just like sending a selfie or something. It seems like a weird Thing to do, I'm not saying it's flirt. I don't, what it? What are you trying to get from this communication?

0:03:03 Eli: Micro cheating. It's insane is what it is.

0:03:05 Tom: I that's, I guess that's where I'm struggling. Like, is that cheating? I don't, it's fucking bonkers, right? I don'T know. Like that's a fucking crazy person thing to do like

0:03:10 Eli: Yeah

0:03:13 Thomas: The only thing I think of is if you're you're good friends with somebody and you, something funny happens maybe like, like there's a funny, yeah.

0:03:19 Tom: A reaction picture or something.

0:03:20 Thomas: Like, Oh, I saw this funny thing.

0:03:22 Tom: That's nothing.

0:03:23 Thomas: Maybe, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. But all

0:03:24 Tom: Let me put it this way. I've never sent Cecil a picture of me ever in 30 years. What would I do that for

0:03:30 Thomas: That does clear it up pretty quickly. You

0:03:31 Eli: I should send cecil a picture of myself right

0:03:33 Thomas: They say that to men who, have who, good boundaries with women's bodies in public. And they're Like, Hey, would You, if there's a dude in the the concert in front of you would you touch their hips as you moved past them or is that a thing you just do with women and it very clearly is like oh yeah that's that would not happen yeah you wouldn't do that that

0:03:43 Tom: For women right yeah so you go like years of my closest friendship and I've never just been like feeling cute snap and sent one over to Cecil right that's

0:03:57 Eli: I love that so king I would love that så much

0:03:58 Thomas: Would be great he's never sent you a picture of any of his swords though like just it's just a sword pick just like either

0:04:04 Tom: Pork sword or regular

0:04:04 Eli: Either I understand you guys aren't into the pork but yeah he's never sent you a video of him doing a sword fight and been like got a perfect score

0:04:13 Tom: But but that's not that's I'm saying like that's like I've sent

0:04:17 Thomas: Is it more of a scimitar or no sorry

0:04:19 Tom: It's it's curved and up and to the right now it yeah I I think it's different if you're sending somebody a picture of you doing something like I do think that that's fine

0:04:27 Thomas: Yeah whereas I'm

0:04:22 Eli: I'm gonna send you guys pictures every day of just me with my tongue out being like feeling silly just a silly little guy.

0:04:35 Thomas: That's that's criminal behavior I don't it just is weird I can't yeah no but I'm I'm I I'm think I totally agree but I'm like oh wait but I've on occasion sent normal pictures to somebody and I'm like oh yeah but I flirting with them that's I flirting

0:04:51 Tom: Right right you're

0:04:51 Eli: Me. There's flirting. Okay, yeah. That's what I thought.

0:04:52 Thomas: And I like

0:04:53 Tom: Like yeah actually that does prove the point

0:04:55 Thomas: Like I wouldn't do that with, you know, Cecil or whatever the Cecil equivalents like, oh yeah. Cause it's, it's flirting. Yeah, that's fair. Having, oh, here's an interesting one. Well, not really.

0:05:04 Eli: Sex with someone.

0:05:05 Thomas: Yeah! Repeatedly, constant, regular sexism. Having secret friendships. What What the fuck would that be? Secret friendships.

0:05:06 Tom: Yeah looks like an emotional cheating maybe right

0:05:15 Eli: The secret is the problem. Again, we didn't we do this earlier? The secret is the secret is the problem.

0:05:20 Thomas: Secret anything, I guess.

0:05:21 Eli: Yeah.

0:05:19 Tom: Having another family three counties over Like what? Yeah. Is it cheating if I'm a trauma long distance trucker and I'm away from home? Yeah, it's fucking cheating. Like, what do you what is happening right now?

0:05:33 Thomas: But I also, I think I'm interested in that one because it's so weird. Like, what does is that? Is that a real thing or are we just trying to fill out a list? It's like a secret.

0:05:40 Tom: Well, all right. So there is a scenario where that's not cheating. Right. But it's not a healthy scenario. So There are people that are very controlling in relationships.

0:05:46 Thomas: Tell us what you're doing, Tom. No, I'm just kidding.

0:05:49 Tom: Imagine if you've got some guy who's very controlling in a relationship because it's very often the directionality, although not always.

0:05:54 Eli: Won't even let Eli send you a cute little picture of himself.

0:05:58 Tom: They don'T like that that their girl has a friend of some kind and so they forbid that friendship but that friendship nonetheless continues that then makes that become a secret friendship yeah

0:06:08 Thomas: Also you should just cheat on that guy. Like if they suck that much.

0:06:10 Tom: You should just leave that guy that guy sucks and you

0:06:13 Thomas: Yeah. Leave, cheat, whatever.

0:06:13 Tom: Should leave yeah

0:06:16 Eli: I think we should, you know, take into account our own privilege here because you know that that can be a dangerous thing to do to some men. So I think we should give a little bit safer advice you should murder that guy cops

0:06:25 Thomas: Poison them in their sleep. Yes, no, they the only way cops ever solve murders is someone tells them what happened.

0:06:28 Eli: Can't solve murders when ladies do them just so you know so just don't tell anybody

0:06:35 Thomas: They literally be like, oh, we weren't going to, you know, the, the fucking guy who tried to kill Trump, the second guy, they Only found him. Because some lady fucking was like oh yeah he went there and he drove that car yeah I and she wrote down the license plate or some shit it's like man if only that lady wasn't there you know yeah that's how they solve crimes

0:06:36 Eli: Trying

0:06:46 Tom: Yeah that's went that away right yeah right yes you did yeah but yeah if you've got a secret relay if you're not a secret buddy for some other reason like I just feel like secrets are a big deal like secrets are just I'm trying to think of a healthy relationship with secrets that are something other than hey I'm working on a present and I need you to help me like yeah what

0:06:59 Thomas: It's not good yeah yeah

0:07:12 Eli: And mrs smith spider

0:07:13 Thomas: Yeah did you watch that new mr and mrs smith that's really good the show yeah it'S really good I like it a lot anyway uh Yes, that's weird. 13. okay. Here's, is one where I think perhaps the Tom and the Eli Thomas can maybe have a discussion. Discussing your intimate desires with someone who isn't your partner. Sex talk, any sex talk at all.

0:07:14 Eli: -man no I love donald clever but yeah yeah he's great yeah uh no

0:07:37 Tom: The fuck are you doing that for what in the shit is happening no

0:07:39 Eli: No no no no that's very much that's

0:07:43 Thomas: Eli, you do that on this show though, like you in

0:07:46 Eli: Yeah but now can you imagine someone in public being like hey Eli how that thing do I would turn into a rocket ship and blast off into space with how little I want to have that conversation

0:07:54 Thomas: Public. I thought there was going to be an intersection with the sex positivity thing, like people being open about their whatever, you know? Oh, OK. Yeah, I forgot. You totally hate that.

0:08:07 Eli: I hate that I

0:08:10 Tom: Don't make don't look don't people don't want to hear about your fucking dream you had last night and they don't want to hear about like how many fucking bottles of lube you have sitting around next to your bed like nobody wants

0:08:10 Eli: Hate it but

0:08:15 Thomas: Well, that's fair. I want to know how many they recovered from. What's his name? Yeah.

0:08:23 Eli: I want to be clear I want to hear sex talk from people I want to have sex with right that's a form of flirtation yeah that's a form of flirtation

0:08:29 Thomas: Maybe once again, I'm making that mistake.

0:08:24 Tom: That yeah that's why I use that right yeah that that like it's it that's clearly like Like opening a door to a kind of conversation to build a sort of relationship right like what in the fuck else reason would there be to have have that conversation.

0:08:34 Thomas: Forgot. Yeah. No, for sure. Well, I think there are a lot of listeners we have that are in the sex positivity. Like, it's I'll be honest, talking about sex is like a nothing to me. And so often, if someone ever initiates any conversation in that direction, I'm like, yeah, cool, whatever. Talk about sex in a way like it's It's not a thing that I see. I don't have a character.

0:09:01 Eli: Air not in character right but I do

0:09:06 Tom: Eli's like, wait, I don't understand that at all.

0:09:07 Thomas: A character,

0:09:08 Eli: I'm a character right so off air not in character started talking to you about sex you'd be like all right well we're just having a car and I'm talking about like not like a don't you think it's important that we educate I'm talking like a person being like you know what I'm into spoons up the butt and you'd be like tell me more I

0:09:25 Thomas: Now I do want to know more spoons, huh?

0:09:27 Eli: Want to come on Serious Inquiries Only we can talk about that tom

0:09:29 Thomas: Spoons, yeah, mm

0:09:30 Tom: That, that to me falls into the, I like, it's fine from a positivity standpoint. If you want to have that conversation, I'm just saying personally on the receipt side, I do not want to talk about sports. I do want to hear about fucking how good the last Marvel movie was. I do care what your dream last night was. And I do no care what you like in the sack.

0:09:50 Thomas: You don't Have to hit all of Eli's kinks in one.

0:09:51 Tom: Cause I'm not fucking you. I Right? I don't care that you like spoons up the butt because I'm never sticking a spoon up your ass. That's weird. This is just like, it feels exhibitionist

0:09:58 Eli: Well exact

0:09:59 Thomas: This is a lot for me to process in one time.

0:10:01 Eli: Can I take a step pruder than tom perhaps which is

0:10:05 Tom: To me. I don'T know if that's prudery. I'm just saying I'm not interested in it. Like I'm NOT offended by it in any way.

0:10:08 Eli: Well here's my thing right I am offended by that right if you initiate sex sex talk with me, I'm That is not a, you have not gotten consent from me to engage in that kind of conversation.

0:10:15 Thomas: That's fair. Ooh, yeah

0:10:20 Tom: I actually don't disagree with that. I think it's, I think really, really often that kind of talk really accomplishes one of two goals, right? It's either a form of flirtation, which I think mostly is, or it's a kind of exhibitionism, right, which is like I like to like make people squirm. I liketo challenge people's preconceptions. I'm personally getting off on it. Whatever the reasoning is, it's exhibitionist adjacent at the very least. And I'm like, yeah, I don't I t want to know that about you. Like there's some things about people that are just like, yeah, we can keep private things, be private. That's fine. It's not because I'm uncomfortable. It's because I' m bored.

0:10:59 Tom: Like that's not interesting. I' N T fucking you. I don't care what you like. I don'T care what gets your dick hard or gets your vagina wet. You know, it's not interesting.

0:11:04 Eli: I like the whole thing is consent. Right? And so if you start talking about sex before we have established that kind of, I mean, this is, you know, this, some of the me too stuff that's come out, it's like, you're just not supposed to initiate those kinds of conversations with people.

0:11:20 Thomas: Right, but why are you interpreting it in that way? Like, you're interpreting a conversation in a way where it's like you've assaulted someone with a conversation. I'm just wondering.

0:11:29 Eli: I mean, I, That's how I feel. I feel like, yeah, that's like a violation of consent.

0:11:32 Thomas: There's no possible conversation about sex with a person that's not your partner. Is that what you're saying? Can't be done.

0:11:37 Tom: In specific individual, like, here are the things that turn me on kind of ways. So we're not talking about sex, like conceptually, right?

0:11:43 Thomas: I'm juste saying it can't been done. Like, oh, oh. Because you're specifically focusing on, like, it's your intimate desires. That's fair.

0:11:49 Tom: Desires and interests, right, that's the focus

0:11:52 Thomas: I got distracted by thinking you were talking just general sex stuff.

0:11:52 Tom: Of the conversation, right. No,

0:11:56 Thomas: So maybe that's on. That might be on me.

0:11:56 Tom: No. Like, I think when we're talking about

0:11:56 Eli: You're, yeah. Obviously you could talk about sex,

0:11:57 Tom: Like the things that here are, the things things that turn me on.

0:11:59 Thomas: That's my fault. Yeah.

0:12:00 Tom: Yeah.

0:12:00 Thomas: My fault.

0:12:01 Tom: That's not a conversation that just gets had without some

0:12:01 Thomas: I lost track of it. Yeah, that's not. But guess point the is there's conversation can exist between two individuals, right? Like somebody can have that in a way that's Not an assault is all I'm saying. Like, I feel like that.

0:12:12 Tom: A hundred percent. And look, look, and close friends could have that, right? They could be like, yeah, you know, like, here's this thing that like really turns me on and like, how do I approach this with my spouse? Might be a really rational and good and decent conversation.

0:12:14 Eli: With affirmative consent, absolutely.

0:12:26 Thomas: Like, do I put the spoons next to the bed?

0:12:29 Tom: Right. Like, I just want to acknowledge that. Like there's plenty of reasons.

0:12:31 Eli: Tom, I would like you to think of a number that it would take me to pay you to, next time you are chatting with Cecil something Italian, Italian bring up one of your kinks and ask him how to approach it

0:12:44 Thomas: Ask him how to approach it yeah

0:12:45 Tom: Is not a conversation I would have. I'm just opening this up for the audience so we don't get like a thousand Facebook messages like.

0:12:48 Eli: Look

0:12:48 Thomas: I I was reacting to eli's absolutist language like there's no possible way two humans could have that discussion in a way that's not like assault I'm just like well

0:12:58 Eli: With with affirmative consent

0:12:58 Tom: But he's saying without some consent involved.

0:13:00 Thomas: Yeah but but even getting bringing it up like you know what I mean like I don't know the way you worded it seemed weird to me but maybe I'm wrong yeah

0:13:04 Tom: I don't know that consent has to be. Say, like, maybe controversial. I don'T think so. Like consent can be implicitly understood rather than necessarily explicitly given. Right? Right. So, like, it's not like every time you go to initiate sex with somebody, you're saying out loud, now I am going to initiate sex with you. Do I have your that would be insane.

0:13:26 Tom: Right. Like, that's not how it works. There's implicit understandings that are part of how we relate to other people, which I think are fair to work and operate on. And we do that. Right? Like, if you don't have at least an implicit understanding where you're just like, oh, hey, so how was the day yesterday at work and you're like I really like a good spoon up my ass you know jim that's what I really love jim spoon up the old took us that's my deal

0:13:27 Eli: Love a good spoon up my ass I'll also say this like I think a lot of guys and look I'm not a dick pic sender I don't understand a dick pic senders right think I'm a dick pick sender and I think that's a good thing I think a lot a lot guys send dick pics because they think the conversation has gone that direction you know I think they think well

0:14:05 Thomas: Or they just literally send them first thing that also happens but

0:14:08 Eli: I mean I think there's the like psychosis of assaulting people with pictures of your genitals and like

0:14:11 Tom: I just say I think it's a way to bully people personally

0:14:12 Eli: That's that's insane right but I'm talking about like people for whom a conversation has been like flirty and then they send a dick pic which lots of female friends have expressed to me as a thing that they are right

0:14:24 Thomas: There's an entire spectrum of dick pics there's no shortage of dudes who send dick pics so there's a shortage of reasons and timings for on which they send dick pic yeah

0:14:33 Eli: Exactly. So for me, right. Because I know so many men are clueless, right, and I am a man, I think the reason why my language sounds so absolute and so me too is because I am so wary of how cluelESS men can be in those scenarios. And I never want to be one of those men right now.

0:14:50 Eli: I will say, like I'm a person who makes jokes about sex a lot, you pretty much. Which, yeah, but, and in conversation, right? In personal conversation, I make sex jokes on a pretty regular basis. But that would never be genuine revelation of my sex life or a genuine conversation about what I'm interested in sexually.

0:14:49 Thomas: Fair yeah right yeah sure

0:14:55 Tom: Different totally different yep

0:15:10 Thomas: Or it would be so disguised we wouldn't know for sure the spoons thing now I'm pretty convinced that's real yeah it's definitely Tom that's that's real right 100 % yeah now what kind of teaspoons are we are we working from the outside in on the table

0:15:15 Tom: That's real it's canon canon yeah that's 100 canon yeah

0:15:15 Eli: You go. Yeah. Pull -ups. Mean, eventually you can work your way up to ladles. Yeah, if you're into...

0:15:26 Tom: Ladles

0:15:24 Thomas: Setting yeah ladles oh man but salad serving one that's like those giant ones um this is where I can't I'm excited I'm so glad we got here number 14 following

0:15:32 Eli: Ladle, ladle, ladder. Don't tell us about your sex life.

0:15:39 Thomas: Following inappropriate accounts on Instagram or other social media. So good.

0:15:43 Eli: I sure hope this isn't cheating otherwise I gotta hey can I come stay with you guys for a little while oh

0:15:45 Thomas: Here we go. So good, I this because this is so obviously nothing, but I wait for Tom to tell us why the floor is lava on this one.

0:15:56 Tom: Well okay hold on hold on I do want to like because what's account?

0:15:56 Eli: There's no fucking sure

0:16:01 Thomas: They don't allow porn on Insta, right? So it's got to be like, on Instagram? I don't think they do.

0:16:03 Eli: They do they sure do oh yeah okay

0:16:06 Thomas: No, they're, they do not.

0:16:07 Tom: Right. Well, let's start at the top where I think we would all agree and then work our way down to where you guys won't agree with me.

0:16:09 Thomas: Don' t think they d. do okay disagree

0:16:14 Tom: Top would be following sex workers.

0:16:15 Thomas: I'm just kidding as to like actually like make appointments with them yeah

0:16:20 Tom: So on Instagram, I just read an article about this the other day. On Instagram, there are people who are offering sex services, right?

0:16:27 Thomas: Yeah okay yeah if it's actual like for a thing to happen in meat space then

0:16:30 Tom: So yeah. So that's why I'm starting at at the top like with it like everybody would agree right yeah okay so

0:16:33 Thomas: 100 what about next is what an only fans model or something well

0:16:35 Eli: Wait wait following those people is cheating because

0:16:39 Tom: The fuck are you following a prostitute on instagram for like

0:16:42 Thomas: With tom on this one because if you're just following someone who doesn't only fans that's different than like, oh, I'm going to follow this actual sex worker in my area because I could make an appointment with somebody.

0:16:51 Tom: What is the purpose or intent of following someone why

0:16:54 Eli: You want to see their pictures because

0:16:55 Thomas: Do you want to see, yeah, what they post? Because there might be boobs.

0:16:55 Tom: Do you want of a of a sex

0:16:58 Thomas: There could be boobs, yeah.

0:16:57 Eli: Cause they got, cause

0:16:58 Tom: Worker who offers explicit sex services what I'm saying like I'm starting at the time right like I don't believe that that is unrelated to your desire to hire that sex worker

0:17:00 Eli: They have a nice,

0:17:01 Thomas: I am with Tom on this one. I am Tom on his one. Yeah, 100%. I can't think of an excuse for that. Like I can't, yeah no.

0:17:11 Tom: In that's why I'm starting there that's insane right

0:17:13 Thomas: Eli, if Eli just agrees he is just wrong. That's weird. No that's weird, but what's next?

0:17:18 Tom: Yeah so and I think that this is negotiable for different couples and they're yeah

0:17:22 Thomas: Yeah, is next like the OnlyFans model? Model

0:17:16 Eli: Which

0:17:23 Tom: So next would be following like only fans or some other sex worker where their sex work is not physical right where you're not going to engage with that sex work probably in a physical way we're not gonna meet eat up, et cetera. Right. Then it would go all the way down to like, you know, hot chicks. You don't know. Right, just hot, random, you were random guys or whatever. You don' t know. And I think every couple gets to decide what their level of comfort there is.

0:17:42 Eli: Those are cheating? What's yours?

0:17:47 Tom: Would not follow an account of just because I thought they were attractive or whatever. And I would be unhappy if Haley did that, too. I'm not saying, though, that that's prescriptive. That's descriptive of my relationship.

0:17:44 Thomas: Tom Right?

0:18:00 Tom: So I want to be clear about that. Our relationship, that would be a thing for either of us to do to be like, yeah, I'm just I'm trolling around to like, like, you know, find hot chicks and following them so I can see more hot chicks. Like that'd be weird.

0:18:00 Thomas: Sounds

0:18:14 Tom: We wouldn't do that. Neither of us would do that now.

0:18:14 Thomas: Like a great day to me. It's a good day.

0:18:16 Tom: Neither of us. So, but like if other couples have a different boundary there, I think that's a negotiable boundary that would not necessarily venture into cheating.

0:18:18 Thomas: Whereas sure, Lydia and I both follow Sydney Sweeney and then send pics of her that we see where we're like oh my god this woman's boobs like I can't believe they're impossible sydney sweeney's boobs they're not

0:18:38 Tom: I have no idea what that is.

0:18:39 Eli: Have a weird what well I don't want you to I don'T WANT TO END YOUR MARRIAGE OTHERWISE I'D SEND YOU A PICTURE OF HER THAT'S

0:18:41 Thomas: Man it'd be wasted yeah oh man

0:18:42 Tom: Who? Well, I don't know if it's an, if it's an Instagram, you you know, guys, no, I don't use it. I don't use social night. I dunno who that is though.

0:18:48 Thomas: She's an actress signed

0:18:51 Eli: HERE'S MY QUESTION AND FEEL FREE TO REJECT THE PREMISE TOM IF YOU BELIEVE IN CHEATING ISN'T THERE A HARD LINE THAT CHEating IS THAT DOESN'T OH NO I GUESS YOU KNOW YOU CAN STILL BECAUSE YOU IF YOU AGREE THAT IT'S A SOCIAL CONTRACT it's not like a two

0:19:06 Tom: Think it's a contract made between two people in a relationship.

0:19:08 Eli: People so they're that's why okay so question withdrawn I was thinking like no but there must be a hard cheating line in your mind it's

0:19:09 Thomas: In blood Oh, yeah.

0:19:12 Tom: But but I think that's an important, I'm glad you asked that. Cause I think that that's really like the most important thing about cheating, right. Is that this is a negotiable relationship contract and like can have that be

0:19:21 Eli: So fun yeah

0:19:26 Thomas: Early and often. I don't know.

0:19:27 Tom: Entirely open or you can close it down you know yeah like you guys decide and then if somebody violates that agreement then that's why it's cheating

0:19:31 Thomas: Yeah, no, 100%.

0:19:30 Eli: Then you gotta steal the relationship and the other person has to spend three years legally trying to get out of the relationship yeah get the relationship by themselves

0:19:39 Thomas: The passwords. Yeah. Get the password to your relationship. It's It's just admin. No, I don' t know.

0:19:45 Tom: So I think I don't think that like I think if I found I think think it just was following like hot chick accounts on instagram I don t know that haley would think of it as cheating but I think that we would both agree that that was really problematic and it would cause distress and upset but I don't know that it would be I don'T KNOW THAT WE WOULD SAY THAT THAT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME THING AS CHEATING RIGHT LIKE I DO BUT I THINK IT WOULD CAUSE A LOT OF DISTRUST AND UPSET YEAH THAT'S DESCRIPTIVE THAT'S I'M NOT SAYING EVERYBODY HAS TO FEEL THAT WAY YEAH BUT I FOR THE

0:19:48 Thomas: Password one. Yes wow huh

0:20:02 Eli: Weigh

0:20:12 Thomas: That's weird but no no we know we know we know 100 % 100 % yeah

0:20:16 Eli: Yeah yeah, no, yeah, yeah. No, no. And we've, you've, you've clarified that.

0:20:19 Tom: AUDIENCE I'M MAKING SURE THE AUDIENCE TO BECAUSE THEN I'M YOU 'LL BE A FUCKING HUNDRED INSANE MESSAGES ABOUT HOW THAT'S NOT TRUE AND IT'S LIKE WHAT YOU COULD JUST HAVE have that not be true for you it's fine so

0:20:19 Eli: I don't think. Yeah. Yeah.

0:20:26 Thomas: The cleavage you are missing out on Sidney Sweeney just the cleevage

0:20:30 Eli: This is why he has so many hobbies. This is what he's on a bike is he's not looking at fucking.

0:20:35 Thomas: It's like when George Costanza doesn't have sex oh man that's one of my favorite Seinfelds I that one Cause I just think that is like such a, like I what I love about this list is it goes, it alternates between putting it in the butt and having friends. Like it's just like, it's fucking wild. Like it was so crazy. Number 15, giving your number to a stranger. What year is it?

0:20:46 Tom: It's bouncing around

0:20:57 Thomas: What year was it?

0:20:56 Eli: That's cheating. Sure is cheating.

0:20:59 Thomas: Giving your number. Number to a strange or fantastic. That's just, I don't even think we need to talk about that. It's fucking stupid.

0:20:57 Tom: What no that's stupid yeah 100

0:21:04 Eli: Cheating.

0:21:05 Thomas: Number 16, stalking your crush online. Okay. Okay. Okay. But here's the best thing I have found. I don't want to generalize, but I have found that women tend to do a lot of social media stalking. And I wonder how often they're doing this. So maybe they're all attracted to, I wonder, I don'T know. I pretty much always do.

0:21:08 Tom: That's cheating yeah I think this is a common behavior yeah

0:21:28 Thomas: My wife always knows everything about every single relationship statuses of people and the families and the whatever. Does that that count I wonder I don't know yeah

0:21:37 Eli: I so I'll say this is true of all the women in my life as well, which is that they all have done like a, I did a deep google search and I found our third cousins you know had a funeral 17 weeks ago and then I google mapped it so I could see what the tombstone looked like

0:21:49 Thomas: I'm like I don'T even know who you're talking my sis I have a sister what are you talking about is what am I usually my response probably

0:21:52 Eli: And exactly yeah exactly yeah so I think that depends on only how one views so I I think investigation is something that is exciting for some people without being necessarily sexual I don't know I don'T DO IT

0:22:06 Tom: I think where I'm hung up is like I've got a crush on someone right in this scenario scenario I've got a crush on somebody so I've got feelings for somebody whether they're emotional exclusively sexual exclusively or a combination right Got feelings and then I'm spending my time my emotional time my my actual time and energy pursuing that

0:22:12 Eli: Already not okay yeah

0:22:28 Thomas: That's a good point tom has no time anything he does that uses time is cheating

0:22:34 Tom: Like but I a little bit like I think that yeah a little Bit though like a little bit like I I think that like in, in the context of a monogamous relationship, the, the exclusivity around that does have to do with your emotional time and energy and resources.

0:22:36 Thomas: It's kind of true like yeah honestly like especially with kids uh yeah 100% especially Especially with, like, I very quickly realized, like wait, I'm not even joking. Like, that is true. Like, especially the less time you have.

0:22:52 Eli: Skronking

0:22:57 Tom: I'm not joking. Yeah. Yeah. So like that's an hour that I'm not spending investing in my relationship. It's an hour, I have to invest in a relationship, right, somebody attention or in encouraging my own desires. And that's an hour that I've decided to spend with someone else instead of encouraging my own relationship. That's an honor. I could just spend that way.

0:23:16 Thomas: I want to see the candid video of Tom just encouraging his own desires. Like, on his own. God, I love, God, love Haley. Fucking love Haney so much. Slapping himself in the face. Oh, I don't know. I love him.

0:23:23 Eli: It uh that's

0:23:22 Tom: Do you So, yeah, I think that that's behavior in a monogamous relationship that would be like I'm stoking the flames of this crush. That's the intention of doing it.

0:23:36 Eli: What tom says when he skronks it to pictures of haley's so good these flames so good right

0:23:43 Tom: Think cyber stalking, I don't think like cyber stalk but I think like like I'm looking at like person on facebook that's obviously not cheating but if it's somebody that like just to contextualize it again for the audience I can leave somebody that like I actively have fucking feelings for and I'm in a monogamous relationship well feeding the fire of the set of feelings, intent, intention, I'm like like purposely doing that

0:23:50 Eli: Of course yeah yeah

0:24:05 Thomas: What if you have an office job where all day you have nothing to do? A little, a little different, you know? Like, you do a little, I remember back in, like, 2009, I'd be, I'll be on Facebook just fucking, I wasn't married, but I'd just be like, good.

0:24:16 Tom: Crushes

0:24:08 Eli: A little different obviously yeah what if it's 9 -11 the country country shattered you don't know what to to do I

0:24:21 Tom: So is that an insane take though like and I want to know like you guys like is that a crazy take no

0:24:27 Eli: Don't know it's

0:24:26 Thomas: It's not an insane take at all. No. No no no. I don't think that's an insane I don't think that's insane take the ball number 17 paying special attention to a particular person I love that we've gone from fucking discussing your intimate desires with someone and like giving your number to like paying attention to some it's the the I'm getting the bends from the fucking it's so funny I

0:24:28 Eli: Hard to I don't KNOW okay yeah

0:24:31 Tom: What yeah

0:24:46 Eli: That's crazy well

0:24:47 Tom: That's crazy I don't I mean like like without any additional context like

0:24:51 Thomas: I think we're to believe this is essentially just having a little bit of a crush I think like in so many words right I mean but

0:24:56 Eli: I I special attention to people that I donT have crushes on like I I so I will say for me right try to be a person who people can come to in moments of hardship uh when they need support and so there have been lots of times where people who are in relationships monogamous or otherwise have come to me for Or special attention and support when there's been nothing sexual about it.

0:25:19 Tom: I I've reached out to my friends just to be like hey you know like Looks like you might be going through something. I'm here for you, right?

0:25:26 Thomas: The wording is special attention to a particular person. I think we're to believe this is someone you're probably like a little attracted to.

0:25:31 Tom: So if you contextualize it in the other 21 questions, then it's cheating. If it's contextualized within the scope of I have a crush on somebody and now I'm acting on that crush in order to provide them with special attention, then of course it is because I'm actively pursuing this crush.

0:25:47 Thomas: Man. Jeez. Okay, yeah. Wow. No,

0:25:48 Eli: If you're playing the floor is lava, you can't... Yeah, you can't sit on the edge of the lava and run your finger gently on the lava.

0:25:56 Thomas: For want to actually a serious question, Tom, for the sake of, and, and I hope you'll entertain the hypothetical. I want,

0:26:01 Eli: Can we have sex with your wife?

0:26:04 Thomas: Can I have sex with you? No. Um, I, for that, But for the sake of the

0:26:06 Eli: That's a funnier bit. That's an even better bit.

0:26:09 Thomas: Hypothetical, I hope you'll actually go with it. Because I grant that often these things, people are bullshitting and they're actually doing something different. But let's pretend that you're never going to violate the bonds of your marriage. You're never gonna actually do something with someone. Let's pretend you're someone who's like, hey, I have a firm, I'm not going to ever physically do anything with someone, I'm never gonna even have the emotional whatever, but I think this person's attractive, And, you know, maybe like I find reasons to talk to him a little bit throughout my day, like in the, at the office or where, like, like it is the very, um, of trying to be around someone that you're maybe a little attracted to because it, you know, is just a pleasant thing to be, I guess, around. Is that too far for you? Like it, like assuming you are just never actually going to do anything.

0:26:55 Tom: I hate to do this. Reject the premise.

0:26:58 Thomas: Oh, come on, dude.

0:26:59 Tom: Do. I like, I don't under.

0:27:01 Thomas: How dare you?

0:27:01 Eli: Fuck you.

0:27:02 Tom: Yeah,

0:27:02 Thomas: I asked you not to.

0:27:03 Tom: I'm sorry. But yeah, I like I don't believe that.

0:27:06 Thomas: Don't think that's possible.

0:27:08 Tom: No, I DON'T. I DON't. I don't believe.

0:27:09 Thomas: I don't know man well

0:27:11 Tom: Here's the thing. I don't believe that anybody has a. Maybe I'm just wrong. I'll admit like maybe I'm wrong. But I don't believe that somebody has a crush of some kind on someone else such that they want to spend extra time, impress that person, be around that person more. But there is also no possibility of them developing any kind of emotional space with that person that's inappropriate. Appropriate I I

0:27:36 Thomas: I was I wasn't even using the words of crush I was saying like someone you're attracted to let's say I know I keep going back to the office but honestly that's that's the majority of like when these social things in my life have happened is in the workplace but where it's like all you gotta fucking uh to do a project with someone do I decide to doing it with you the extremely unattractive overweight -aged man, or there's a cute girl that I could pair up with to do this work project. You know, I'm probably going to go for the cute girl.

0:28:01 Tom: I think if you're choosing who to work with based on how attractive they are you're not in

0:28:06 Thomas: A thing that doesn't matter. Pretend you do work that doesn't matter, Tom, and has never mattered. About making different bullshit meetings for nothing that don't do anything. Don't need to like be on the merits. Like who's going to be the best at this worthless PowerPoint presentation? Reputation.

0:28:08 Tom: A good space I wouldn't say that that's cheating but I I would I would question somebody's motives yeah I would I

0:28:25 Thomas: My motive is to be around the attractive person more. That's That's my motive. You don't need to question it.

0:28:29 Tom: For what like I just

0:28:30 Thomas: Because it's nice to be Around attractive people. Yeah.

0:28:30 Tom: Just to be around around attractive people so that you can be attracted to them?

0:28:35 Thomas: Yeah, it's nice.

0:28:36 Tom: Yeah. But see, yeah, no, I, I don't, yeah. I don't think that that's a real thing.

0:28:37 Eli: I on I'm on team lava yeah getting ready to step in that lava you're like oh I just want to be around the lava I just want to hang out with the lava

0:28:45 Thomas: What are you talking about? Maybe Eli, maybe this is why you can't do the flirting. Are you like you think that any amount of anything is like you're committing to like having sex or something this is weird this is a weird place to be no I'm talking about eli I think I think eli is at that like he same reason he can't flirt at all is because he doesn't have moderation it's either zero or a million oh

0:28:56 Tom: I DON't think it's committing to having sex either, but like, I, yeah! Yeah! Right! Yeah.

0:28:59 Eli: I he's not talking about I I again I think that's largely because like the flirting behavior I so this is where I was going to agree with you thomas right is that I have had work crushes where acting on those work crushes would make someone feel unsafe in the workplace, right? Or be unprofessional, but you have a crush on them and you still want to hang out with them, you you're Just like, okay, I'm just going to be like a really good friend to this person. We're going to have a really good time. I know I have this feeling, but like, it's my obligation not to make that, that other person's problem. They get to just have a good friend like that for sure I've done.

0:29:19 Thomas: God yeah you don't want to do that fuck yeah yeah yeah that's kind of what I mean like that kind kind of thing cheating

0:29:40 Eli: But Tom, I think that's cheating in the Monago, right. And that cheat, that's fucking, can you want to be around a person and you're just you're not flirting with them because they're at work I think that's fucking cheating as fuck well

0:29:43 Tom: I do too. Yeah!

0:29:44 Thomas: In the monoga jesus christ no

0:29:50 Tom: Yeah, look, Here's, here's the thing. It's, it's not necessarily about, like, for real, it'S not necessarily about like, am I fucking this person or not like well no I have committed a thought crime no that's absurd like but no like I I think that if we're intentionally changing our activity so that we can be around somebody that we're attracted to I think that that's that's that's the very least cheating adjacent yeah course it is because

0:29:50 Thomas: What's happening here it's about, have I committed thought crime, I get it, yeah, I'm not so I'm Not so shocked by tom's opinion I'm shocked by eli's opinion that's

0:30:19 Tom: Of courseit is because because like I'm I'm working towards spending more time in a way that is not completely outside. Reasons here are not pure. My reasons here not like, yeah, I just I'm hanging out with with Jane because Jane's a cool person. It's like, no, I'm hanging out with Jane cause I'm attracted to Jane and I'm going out of my way to spend time with that person. Yeah, that's fucking a cheating adjacent, of course.

0:30:38 Thomas: But but it's contextual like what in the same way that lydia and I have always been fine with flirting I feel like we've always been kind that like being around attractive people is fine I don't know like could that

0:30:51 Tom: But I'm not saying being around attractive people isn't fine. I want to be clear about that. Like being around attractive people is perfectly fine but if I'm making efforts if I'm making extra efforts to spend time with them because they're attractive right so like that I just want to be clear again for the like that's of course that's cheating adjacent yeah

0:31:06 Eli: That feels cheating oh

0:30:55 Thomas: Like trying to be really you know obviously like that's what I mean making that effort yeah yes that's what I that's but but I'm also making the point that like thought we made earlier which is this is contextual in terms of your relationship right So you don't think that's a thing that could be okay between people?

0:31:19 Eli: Yeah no of course I mean yeah yeah well

0:31:20 Tom: People can make whatever agreements they want yeah people could make whatever agreements they want yeah but

0:31:23 Thomas: Well, that's why Eli's throwing me off. I don't know what the fuck Eli's saying.

0:31:25 Eli: Because I don't know what the fucking people are doing you guys are all walking around pretending the floor is lava nothing's wrong with any of it good fucking get in there girl get that dick I don'T fucking know what you guys are talking about I'm like oh he's fucking hot as shit you should fuck him

0:31:27 Tom: But I suspect but but yeah yeah

0:31:39 Thomas: Eli's been faking it the whole time like he's not even understanding the language.

0:31:42 Eli: I hope he comes all over your fucking eyebrows I hope you have a fantastic time together that sounds amazing get in there girl yeah

0:31:49 Thomas: Why the eyebrows?

0:31:47 Tom: But I expect most people who are playing the floor is lava would agree I

0:31:53 Thomas: That's a great detail.

0:31:54 Eli: That's what I'm trying to say is I think the bring

0:31:56 Thomas: That's interesting. Okay.

0:31:57 Tom: Think that most people who are playing like would say that yeah like going out of your way to spend time with people you're attracted to is even if it doesn't

0:32:06 Thomas: All right. That's so interesting. That is so interesting, because even forever ago, I would have had this opinion that that doesn't really matter that much, because, like, I think I've always just had a firm kind of distinction between is something, like actions, are you doing an actionable thing, like actual thing, or is something just background, ground or it's just kind of like, ah, you know, a little flirting, a little whatever. And I've always kind of had that distinction, but I don't know. Maybe that's just not at all normal. I don' t know.

0:32:36 Tom: I would point out that like maybe part of the reason you've always had the distinction is because your proclivities are not toward monogamy

0:32:42 Thomas: How dare you talk about my proclivities? Even, even this, uh, even this, like when I was in the allegedly monogamous relationships, it's like, I ''t, I don'' t know, I don't think I cared, but but that just might be me. Well,

0:32:46 Tom: So you've

0:32:53 Eli: Me speak from a pervert's purview please if I may if I make can I speak for for the perverts.

0:32:56 Thomas: Please, yeah, absolutely.

0:32:58 Eli: From the moment monogamy was introduced, I was like, ah, fuck, I don't want to do that. Gross. And every time I'd get into a relationship, and I mean fucking early, I remember approaching my sixth grade girlfriend about an open marriage, which is the only term I knew about it. I literally was like hey, what would you think about an opened marriage? And she was like we're not going to the dance anymore. And I was, like, I have always, look, I, I do not want to compare the experience of being a open sexually person to the experience of being gay or anything that gay or queer people go through I'm not making that comparison at all but I will say the closest I have ever felt to being oppressed because of a thing that is innate to me is when people have been like and then you're gonna want to fuck one person and I've been like just one yeah

0:33:16 Thomas: Way. Oh, that's incredible, really? That's incredible.

0:33:53 Eli: Like okay maybe this also is low when I was, I was really informed that people who were 100% straight. How I felt. I was like, really? Like, no dudes? You don't want to fuck any dudes? And they were like, no, none dudes. And I was, like, that seems insane.

0:34:10 Tom: I think

0:34:12 Thomas: Feel bad that Eli's never tried to fuck me. Actually, is this, is it me? Is this something?

0:34:16 Eli: We work together.

0:34:19 Thomas: Oh, we didn't always work together.

0:34:15 Tom: Do, too. I think

0:34:22 Eli: We pretty much always work together, Tom. I

0:34:24 Thomas: Might

0:34:26 Tom: Here is the way, like, if you were to just to say it honestly within a monogamist relationship where it's like, oh, hey, you know, I just want to let you know like today I'm gonna go out of my way to spend time with someone I'm attracted to most monogamous people will be like wait you're gonna do what that's a weird thing for you to like if we just say out loud what we're actually doing when we do that I think most people would be like oh actually like I would prefer that you didn't or like what's what's right yeah

0:34:49 Thomas: Be true of a lot of our internal monologues though, just about everything but maybe I'm wrong tom's the only one who has a purpose trained his mind to be pure at all thought times what 18, gentlemen, always commenting on and liking a person's pictures yeah

0:34:54 Tom: Maybe I'm just saying like that if we say it out loud like if we say the true thing out loud don't the context of this is someone you're attracted to or have a crush. Right. Cause otherwise it makes no sense.

0:35:14 Eli: Think we got to go without the context of having a crush on the person no see because I would actually hear I have actually heard people be mad about just the action of liking someone's posts and pictures yeah I think that's insane

0:35:14 Thomas: It can't be just like Bruce Springsteen well

0:35:27 Tom: That's fucking nuts. Like, so

0:35:28 Thomas: They even if it's not like a person they're attracted to oh because it's like a jealousy of like you don't like my stuff enough or whatever

0:35:31 Eli: Well yeah and even if it's like I'm not attracted to that person but they're the opposite sex and we're in a straight couple

0:35:40 Thomas: So it still is about that threat you

0:35:42 Tom: So like, I'm like, I've got a good, like I've Got, I got women friends in my life. So like if my friend Michelle posts something, I will almost always interact with it with a like or because it's nice. It just feels polite. She's a close friend of mine for 20 years. Even I'm not going to ignore. I'm Not Going to Ignore. Right. Partly because, by the way, because I never used to interact with anything. Like people would like say stuff and I don't interact for years. And then Haley actually was like, that's really rude. Like you should interact with people that comment.

0:35:55 Thomas: Guys are fucking you should

0:36:12 Tom: Comment on her no she was like like if she posts a status and anybody writes anything she'll interact with it in some way and I never used to do that like I would not and she would she was like you never interact with my shit I'm like I don't interact with anyone's shit like I'm like that sure is a comment I just didn't do it so she's like that's fucking rude don't be rude so like now I try to be less rude so if I like commented on like something my friend Michelle all posted and Haley had a pro like that would be fucking insane.

0:36:11 Thomas: Fuck more other people no I'm just kidding sorry it's very rude yep yep that's why I like and reshare every one of Sidney Sweeney's pictures

0:36:41 Tom: Now, Now, if I was like looking cute girl, winky face or something, that would be fucking different. Right.

0:36:46 Eli: Skronking it

0:36:47 Thomas: No I think this is this is the kind of behavior where if you're doing this to an extent that a girl like let's say we're just talking hetero dudes here if you are doing this to an extend where the girl is obviously noticing it then that's already cheating aside I don't give a shit about that that's probably just like kind of weird and creepy like you That's probably not that cool.

0:37:08 Tom: Well, I think you're going to get like a vibe from like I joked before, like was like a couple of years and it's died off, but it's really funny. There was a couple years where like literally if Haley posted something, somebody must have had a notification set up because they would be the first to like or first to like and comment even if like I was literally in the room when she posted it and I was going to go in there to like you said like you like maybe like flirt with her a little bit on it or whatever like just interact with it that motherfucker beat me to the punch for like two years it was hilarious dude must have had a fucking like Pavlok wristwatch that zapped him when something went off like it was crazy but like who cares right Right. Like like it was fucking weird. I thought that was fucking weird. But like, do I think that person had a crush on her? Yeah, I 100%

0:37:43 Thomas: It was Heath. Just kidding.

0:37:48 Eli: Your heart like so hot yeah yeah

0:37:58 Thomas: Yes.

0:37:58 Tom: Do. Like I that's why I'm saying like I 100% percent believe that that level of interaction one of course he did. Yeah.

0:38:01 Thomas: 100%. And I'm agreeing in saying yes and also that's probably not cool just for the person you're, you harassing.

0:38:12 Eli: They probably don't want that kind of attention yeah that's you offering a little bit of penne alla vodka no no

0:38:18 Tom: It is man. It is. Yeah fucking

0:38:21 Thomas: Sorry, hoping to make someone notice you in a romantic way, in a romance, romantic way.

0:38:25 Eli: That's cheating

0:38:25 Tom: What? Of course that is. Yeah. What the fuck? Yes. Hoping someone grabs your penis and puts it in their mouth. Is that cheating? Yeah, that's of course it is yeah yeah

0:38:32 Thomas: Does someone notice You in a Romantic Way? I guess I've just hung up on the romance. Like I could see wanting someone to be attracted to me, but like in a romantic way, like, oh, I want them to buy me flowers.

0:38:41 Eli: In a romantic way really makes that sentence yeah

0:38:44 Thomas: It's kind of weird.

0:38:44 Tom: Well and it's very specific too right like because I think we want to be attractive in the world and that that's fine like want to walk outside like if I go to like a like I got I'll tell you a quick story like I went I I have to get my um like sport coats or suits made for me because like I can't buy off the rack so I had a jacket made and I I got it and it was wrong and I sent it back and she fixed it but I wore it the other day to a lunch and the whole time I'm at lunch I'm keenly aware of that she fucked up the sleeves and it doesn't sit right and I'm constantly tugging at it it it was fucking absurd like I was sitting at this table next to my boss next to these people that they flew in from india for this like lunch meeting and I felt like a fucking slob in this jacket this this jacket did not fit and it was evident that it did not fit I'm sitting at a table full of people who are are wearing tailored clothes. So I felt like an asshole. We want to go out in the world and feel attractive and confident. And that's fine. I think if our we're intention when we're dressing ourselves is to be attractive to a one specific person and it's not your spouse, then

0:38:50 Eli: Speak for yourself

0:39:15 Thomas: Buys are just bulging out of. OK. OK, geez. OK,

0:39:50 Tom: Like, yeah, of course you've, you've got intent there, right?

0:39:52 Eli: Who you want to romantically like you yeah obviously yeah

0:39:55 Tom: You've got content there. You're like, yeah, I'm going to dress nice so that this person notices me in a sexual way or in a, in romantic way

0:40:00 Thomas: Is an interesting distinction, though, say even though the dressing, the whatever you're doing is exactly identical in both scenarios, it's it's it's fine when it's like a general I want to be attractive versus I want someone to notice me.

0:40:08 Tom: 100 it's the intent yes 100

0:40:15 Thomas: Very interesting.

0:40:16 Tom: Because it's your intent it's again like I feel like this this is like say it out loud it's like oh yeah I want to look nice for this meeting I gotta I gotta put on my my nice jacket because I gotta look nice für this meeting right okay oh I gotta put on this this new suit because I want jane to be attracted to me anyway hon I'm going going to work yeah

0:40:33 Eli: Steve's gonna be there and I just want him to really think about what it might be like

0:40:37 Thomas: But on the other hand, if we're talking about the exact same look, it'S kind of funny to to be like, oh, in one scenario, yeah, I want Jane to think I'm hot. Hey, I want everyone in here to want to fuck me. I want so many people in here. To put it another way, it's like, Oh, you just want as many possible people fucking you as possible. But somehow that's fine.

0:40:55 Eli: Maybe you're even more of a perv than I am Tom and

0:40:58 Tom: I think about it but I do I actually think that it is because like I think broadly speaking we all want to be seen as attractive in the world in a general and non-specific way and there's nothing threatening in a relationship about general non-specific attraction right receiving it

0:41:12 Thomas: I get that all the time. Thomas, you're so attractive in a general, non -specific way.

0:41:17 Tom: I Think I think that's what dressing nice is for right yeah

0:41:18 Eli: Could do 10 pull -ups

0:41:21 Thomas: All right. We're almost through it. 20. Asking someone personal or inappropriate questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair. Yeah.

0:41:27 Eli: Cheating inappropriate inappropriate sexual harassment

0:41:32 Thomas: Inappropriate. Fuck. Okay. Let's, let's get rid of the inappropriate then. Asking someone personal questions. Is that micro cheating?

0:41:33 Eli: That's normal yeah

0:41:40 Tom: I think that's just making a connection with somebody like I guess like with what intent right

0:41:45 Thomas: Interesting. Yeah

0:41:47 Eli: I mean inappropriate's doing the work there right so yeah because

0:41:49 Thomas: Which is stupid because it's like, yeah that's wrong for the other reason though. That's yeah.

0:41:53 Eli: It's inappropriate by definition right

0:41:54 Tom: It was it when is it when they're inappropriate things appropriate exactly

0:41:58 Thomas: OK, let's let's try to help this quiz and say the person's fine with it, but they would be inappropriate to like your random stranger kind of thing. Maybe like it's like you've developed a rapport. Good.

0:42:09 Eli: I guess if it's inappropriately sexual or romantic then because

0:42:12 Tom: I guess for me it comes back to intent like what kind of relationship am I trying to build a friendship or a romantic relationship yeah

0:42:18 Eli: I ask tom inappropriate inappropriate questions all the time but I'm not flirting right

0:42:23 Thomas: Better not be because, you know,

0:42:23 Tom: Like what am I like the the intent I think is everything, right? Like, it's like, am I intending to just like have a connection with someone I care about because that's how you build friendships or am I like, Hey, I I'm, I'm doing this to deepen our emotional connection so that I can have an emotional, I like this person.

0:42:31 Thomas: Fair or you're like, I've had diarrhea for three straight days. Do you, have you ever had diarrhea for three straight days?

0:42:44 Eli: That's what I was gonna say yeah maybe you just want to send your buddy a picture of a b exactly

0:42:48 Tom: Are you reading Eli's text messages to me again? That's

0:42:49 Thomas: Is that that would be inappropriate, but not cheating, I think. All right, final one, drum roll.

0:42:50 Eli: Not cheating unless last one yeah

0:42:53 Tom: All right here we go oh

0:42:57 Thomas: Turning to someone else for your emotional needs when your relationship is rocky. I think, I feel like that's probably, probably cheating. Yeah, it's probably on the way to cheating, maybe.

0:43:06 Eli: Probably

0:43:02 Tom: That's not good that's not good that's not good

0:43:09 Eli: On the way I mean it's it's not necessarily cheating it's a sign of distress in the relationship

0:43:13 Tom: Yeah I don't I will say this like if if your relationship is rocky and you're turning like if I'm like shit my relationship is rocky and I talk to like cecil about it that's fine right cecil's my 30 year long closest his friend.

0:43:24 Thomas: You're fucking. Oh, I I

0:43:28 Tom: Right. But like, if I talk to that girl that I've been trying to impress and wearing nice clothes for, for six months, then that's different.

0:43:27 Eli: You're not flirting

0:43:34 Thomas: Knew it. I knew it.

0:43:37 Tom: It is. It's just different. Right? And I will say too, like guys have a tendency to want to build emotional bridges with women rather than with men, like the time. And, and that is, that is very often a dangerous space for people to come into. Right. So if you're if your relationship is rocky, it's very easy for feelings to develop. You know, that's a very that's very vulnerable space to allow yourself to be in and to have a cross sex, assuming heterosexuality, to have across sex friendship, be that sort of for you. Right? So that's dangerous, dangerous position

0:44:18 Eli: Why I

0:44:18 Tom: To put yourself in.

0:44:18 Eli: Can't talk to anybody about my feelings, Tom. Because I fuck all the people.

0:44:22 Tom: Because you'll want to fuck

0:44:24 Eli: I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known.

0:44:24 Tom: Me if you tell me your problems yeah

0:44:36 Eli: All right, gentlemen, we did it. We did it, and uh, Thomas, Thomas, I know, I know that you've even worried about getting a vasectomy, but I'm telling you life after having a vasctomy is great. I don't really see a vast difference.

0:44:47 Tom: That was good actually took a second

0:44:54 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILf, tom smith who also wrote and recorded the intro music which is used with his permission This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022, all rights reserved.

0:45:34 Thomas: Never sent you a picture of any of his swords though like just it's just a sword pick just like

0:45:38 Tom: Sword or regular

0:45:40 Eli: I you know what I'm into spoons up the butt and

0:45:43 Tom: Really like a good spoon up my ass you

0:45:46 Eli: That dick I

0:45:47 Thomas: Hey, I want everyone in here to want to fuck me. I