DOD159: It's Not Just Picky Eating

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and utter dependence. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

0:00:22 Clip: Telling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

0:00:29 Tom: To Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's not picking or choosing I'm Tom Curry I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick hello gentlemen

0:00:38 Thomas: You didn't mention my several viruses that I brought along for fun you gotta introduce them viruses introduce yourselves

0:00:46 Eli: H1N1. COVID.

0:00:48 Tom: It's so exciting to have that like little kid you know go out and collect all of the various germs and fucking organisms and they're just they're fucking petri dishes that you teach how to like wipe their own ass that's what a kid is at this age

0:00:52 Thomas: Like pogs something faked me out because I was not I sick for is it just summer that's all it was huh like they don't do the viruses don't survive as well because

0:01:09 Eli: Every summer you get parent amnesia.

0:01:11 Thomas: I was like oh am I done yeah am I down with all this and then nope three four in a fucking row it's non-stop now

0:01:17 Tom: It's fucking brutal

0:01:18 Eli: Best part is when they don't get it, but they somehow give it to you. You know like how did it make it through you to me oh

0:01:27 Thomas: Jesus

0:01:27 Tom: When my dad first started driving the school bus he every fucking year he would catch every fucking sickness like it was horrible like he would he'd drive the school but it's a fucking like like it it's can full of people sneezing into each other's mouths it's fucking the most nasty place and then wiping shit on he got sick for years and then after that like Like, I don't, he doesn't really get sick. Like, he might get sick once a year.

0:01:35 Thomas: Gross you know we could all just wear masks all the time I'm realizing like that we could have been a thing we figured out a hundred years ago I don't

0:01:58 Tom: Should just wear masks when we're sick, though. Like, why can't wearing a mask when you're sick just to be polite to other people be a thing?

0:02:06 Eli: You guys see someone in a mask these days nothing my god there's nothing that destroys keep the vibes more than someone who's like just so you know I still care about the immunocompromised and it's like oh thanks for the reminder that I'm a bad person I forgot we cared for 45 minutes we were all really scared and we wiped down our groceries and you've cowered forward that values and here's the thing they're right right not like they're being overly cautious right or they're doing a bad thing right they are doing a good demonstrably good thing is just that the world has

0:02:07 Tom: I wear a mask sometimes.

0:02:30 Thomas: 100 yeah yeah I was gonna say they're definitely right yeah it's

0:02:31 Tom: As you say, I do this.

0:02:40 Eli: Created

0:02:40 Thomas: The same thing like when you mention you're vegan it's same thing a bunch of people oh I'm sorry I eat meat oh should I kill myself right now in front of you eli because they made it'sthe same reaction Reaction.

0:02:46 Eli: I'm so sorry so you want no one to leave their house ever yeah exactly I

0:02:55 Tom: Exactly it. I, wear a mask when I go to like a doctor's office, like a lab where people are dropping off lab results. Or if I go to the CVS, cause that's where sick people are.

0:02:55 Thomas: It really is the same. Don't wear a mask, but in my defense, I don't leave my house. So, yeah.

0:03:08 Eli: True yeah wrong

0:03:09 Tom: It feels crazy now to me to like walk into a place where people are going because they're sick and being like I'm just gonna raw dog this like I'm not doing that no

0:03:19 Eli: Dog this existence I went into a hippie bookstore the other day and they had like a please wear a mask thing by the front door and the cognitive dissonance that overtook my I turn like a trucker hat grew out of my skull and my sleeves vanished and I was like I'm gonna probably stand stand up next to you.

0:03:41 Thomas: Rather than being American.

0:03:45 Eli: Fucking nuts. God, we're

0:03:47 Thomas: Why are we so stupid? We are

0:03:50 Eli: Just the worst. Because you're

0:03:50 Tom: We're the worst why

0:03:51 Thomas: All so dumb. We just are.

0:03:53 Eli: So overwhelmed. I've been thinking a lot about sovereign citizens lately.

0:03:58 Tom: What is is this what gonna lead into

0:03:59 Eli: It's so fun. And I do this thing where I watch a bunch of video. And this is what I, I'm going to take it a step too far because this is always what I do. I'll watch a punch of videos of them getting pulled through the windows of their car which is both cool and chill but then then I'm like I wonder what motivates these people and then I get into like the sad exponent no the white ones are great but there's actually a lot of people of color who are into it now and on and it's like its systems failed them so they're just they're like yeah if there's no but even the law right they're like well the law is not real right it's so much easier to be sold the idea that the law Law is a weird magic puzzle that if you can say the right words, you get out of a speeding

0:04:11 Thomas: Because It's the best racism. Sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Poverty. Yeah.

0:04:24 Tom: Shit

0:04:44 Thomas: Mm

0:04:44 Eli: Ticket as a person of color. Because, like, as aperson of color, laws are just like, sometimes the cops come into your house and murder you. Welcome to America. So why would you not think that, like some judges, you can see the name of a color and they're like, I guess I don't have jurisdiction.

0:04:56 Tom: Wrong

0:05:03 Eli: It's weird. And also, like. Sometimes. Here's the thing. And I'm on the record. Heard as a young man enjoying cops and there's a part of me there's a part that still loves cops but the the show but the

0:04:57 Thomas: 100 % Oh, the show Oh, okay, I was like, what the fuck

0:05:18 Tom: My dad fucking loves cops yes

0:05:20 Eli: More I watch cops the more obvious it is that the only crime anyone ever commits on the television show cops is being poor right you can be blackout drunk at a golf course and they're just like ah ah Fred make him the vice president but if you're blackout drunk on the bus these guys just come and beat you so many times they're just like I remember this one I was watching it on an airplane so I sit next to Heath and I was like I'm gonna do a bit with Heath look Heath I'm watching cops I don't actually want to watch cops I want to do a bet about watching cops to Heath Enright so I'm like ah cops and I turn and I see this guy he's under arrest but his sunglasses he's a white person I I don't know why that helps, but it helped me. But his

0:05:30 Thomas: 100 % Beat the shit out of you Oh

0:06:04 Tom: I guarantee

0:06:04 Eli: Sunglasses are slipping down his face.

0:06:06 Tom: It helped him too jesus

0:06:09 Eli: And so he reaches up to, like, get him while they're cuffing him. And they're like, stop resisting! And they throw him on the ground and they beat the shit out of him. And I was like, I just saw the video of him not resisting, him being like, oh, let me get my glasses. And then we put it on TV and half of America, myself included, for a really long time, was like get her done! Like I just I understand why people this is something I'm working on with my therapist is when you hit a wall of like sometimes life be like that not going crazy and just being like yeah no you gotta just gotta stop thinking about that right like shut up eventually I promise but I was at the airport and I flew into jfk which I don't usually because because I live very close to Newark. I know, very relatable content. And I had to go get an Uber. And if you haven't been to JFK and had to get an Uber lately, you have to go to Terminal 5, which is at the very end of the little train, and then you have walk, like, 30 minutes to this parking lot, which is the only place Ubers are allowed to pick you up. And I think a normal, healthy person would see that and be like, that's fucked up. That sucks. And then they'd walk, and they'd other thoughts. I spent the entire time, that entire journey being like I need to find a way to find whoever made this decision and then I'm gonna stage a protest in their house and then the world's gonna change I'm going to change the whole world to not be this and I feel like that's where sovereign

0:06:16 Thomas: Crazy

0:06:17 Tom: Christ yep

0:06:46 Thomas: Jesus oh

0:07:36 Eli: Citizens come from right is they like get one ticket and they're like 200 bucks I'm Gonna fucking say magic words and the judge is gonna go back to his home universe like mitzvah click this is fucking bullshit But guys, you know the only thing worse than the banality of the evil of the legal system? Why? It's the auto ads.

0:07:56 Thomas: There is actually a secret sovereign citizen way you can get out of auto ads it's amazing they well they made this website yeah they made it so it's gold fringe on the flag uh the the trick and the website for it is patreon.com slash gerald ads and all you have to do is pledge a certain amount of uh what they call money it's a weird thing that is it's different different than uh be could be it might be crypto might be whatever and whatever they accepted that website and that you do that and sign up for the rss feed it gets you out of the auto ads don't actually don't tell anyone about it it's like really secret only an elite few have known

0:08:00 Eli: What's that? What's that one simple trick?

0:08:05 Tom: Now it required to be fiat currency or can I use a gold bullion or kumarance okay

0:08:38 Thomas: How to do it and

0:08:40 Tom: Do have to drink apple cider vinegar while you're pledging at patreon .com forward slash dear old dads

0:08:42 Thomas: Could you could wear tinfoil as well take whatever precautions cautions you think necessary. Look, you can tell a few close friends if you want. Actually, friends and family if they're cool. But for the most part, yeah, keep it, keep it, you know, between us. That's how you get out of the fucking auto ads.

0:08:51 Eli: Yeah, but only if they're cool. Keep Keep it between us. Yeah. So check it out over at patreon.com forward slash dear old dads.

0:09:02 Thomas: Gold French on the rip into it.

0:09:03 Eli: Rip it. Excellent. That

0:09:06 Tom: Right so I've got a couple of stories I want to tell uh they don't have anything to do with one another so I don't know if I can deal with it um this last weekend I bought a car for hayley so uh we gave donovan hayley's old car as a graduation present and then it um was time for me to get hayley uh a car and I did the fucking psychopath thing where you surprise your spouse with a car but

0:09:26 Thomas: Literally no one but Tom has ever done this. This is crazy.

0:09:29 Tom: She knew I was getting her a car she knew which car so like it was not like a total surprise so but didn'T know when I was doing it or anything like like that so the surprise was that she woke up and I was already home with a car that day like I woke up early ubered to the dealership bought the car didn't tell her I was doing it came home cars in the driveway so it's kind of still a surprise but not like a terrible financial burden surprise which is a giant problem like the fucking christmas to remember commercials or whatever that they have

0:09:33 Thomas: Didn't do the thing.

0:09:33 Eli: Well then so then no no that's

0:09:52 Thomas: Mm -hmm yeah that nothing

0:09:58 Eli: Exactly yeah those

0:09:59 Thomas: Those commercials

0:10:00 Tom: Yeah no fuck that so

0:10:00 Thomas: Every year I'm like this is the best this is the best

0:10:03 Eli: The best worst oh

0:10:04 Tom: I go to buy this car and the the sales guy guy that is there is this very, and this is important. It's the only reason I'm bringing this detail is this is very, very small man. So he's like, I'm five, eight. This guy's got to be five, five. Like he is a short dude, right? I'm a short guy. He's a shorter guy.

0:10:23 Tom: And I swear to God, if he weighs 115 pounds, like, mean, he is tiny, tiny person. Right.

0:10:20 Eli: That's little right yeah yeah

0:10:29 Tom: And so he's my sales guy and he and I are going through the whole thing. And I'm texting texting you guys while I'm doing it you know because I'm bored and so like I'm having this experience of buying this car and we get to the inevitable part of buying a car where you just inexplicably wait for an extended period of time and even though like I don't need anything like I came in with the financing already I don'T need the finance guy it's all done nothing

0:10:46 Thomas: So true yeah yeah so you can't reach a level of privilege where you don't have to go through that waiting period because I've always wondered yeah

0:11:00 Tom: That I've encountered, I've bought cars without financing them and I still have an extended wait period.

0:11:06 Thomas: Ow I have I just realizing my heart hurts I have to say Tesla's are better than this ah this I don't I hate saying I a good word about Tesla, but now with Tesla, you literally buy it like on the fucking app and you just like, and you're just saying, and then they tell you on the app, Hey, come get your car. And you're like, really? That can't be right. And they're like. Yep. And then you go and nobody works there. Cause they have to save money by not employing people. And there's just like a car somewhere. You don't know which one it is. You hope you pick the right one. Then if it's the right. It lets you in. Like, I'm not even joking. It's fucking it's like a witch's ceremony or something yeah yeah it is and like you and then it lets you in and then that's your car and you just drive away I felt like I stole a car for a solid month I was like I don't know if this is right like I'm not sure no

0:11:21 Tom: I do know that you just, yep. Yeah. This is insane.

0:11:57 Eli: Thought they have an apple genius appointment because it's so unintuitive where a guy's like like okay so here's how you open the glove box it's a simple 98 step process

0:12:05 Thomas: They don't tell you anything look okay I one of ours was during covid so that might be that mightbe different like maybe they do stopped it after covid like they I think that's right now I'm remembering I I think it was like, well, we no longer do any of that stuff because of COVID. And so it really was eerie. It was like you just go steal a car and hope it was right.

0:12:20 Eli: Genius appointments I'm

0:12:25 Tom: Other than one time in my life, I refuse to buy a brand new car. I always buy a gently used car just because I'm a crazy person I can't bring myself to buy a new car I just can't do it I know I very much do not that is not true but in this case because

0:12:31 Thomas: You're so much better than us. Always making the right financial decision, Tom.

0:12:38 Eli: Love to buy a new I can't afford a fucking new

0:12:40 Tom: I actually really like cars like I like cars I love driving I enjoy that whole thing but I'm every time I look at the price of a new card I'm like that's fucking nuts for something that I'm just going to depreciate off the lot by 30 that's I'm not I just refuse to do it unless I won't do do it yeah

0:12:53 Eli: To smell like fresh rubber she

0:12:49 Thomas: Is nuts. Yeah. Just want to pay you a compliment, Tom, that's objectively the right financial decision and I've never done it.

0:13:02 Tom: Bought one brand new car ever in my life and I'll never do it again yeah

0:13:07 Thomas: A one-year-old car is like objectively speaking, the best financial decision. Decision

0:13:11 Tom: Like I know we're not gonna do that I got actual things to talk about but like I bought Haley a car like she barely drives right so she's gonna put probably like six to eight thousand miles on it no very little so like it's

0:13:22 Thomas: To look at yeah

0:13:18 Eli: I was gonna ask she can drive now no you bought her a car she can't use bud

0:13:26 Tom: She drives very little but I'm not going to do the idea that if I'm gone she's stranded like that's not something that I'm like comfortable And she does drive a little bit. So she might drive like or 15 minutes at a time once in a while. But I still do most of her driving for her. But regardless, like I bought her a car. It's a 2021. It has 20 ,000 miles on it.

0:13:43 Tom: And it is literally half the price of a brand new car.

0:13:43 Thomas: There go that's the way to do it yep it's good decision

0:13:47 Tom: 50 % off. So like whatever. Anyway so I've gotten I've got the sales guy we're in that like the doldrums of the buying process right we're just like all the wind stops blowing and the sale goes limp and literally nothing to

0:13:47 Thomas: Tom well done he's still doing that well I gotta ask my manager you're like I didn't ask you anything oh well I still I still need to ask my major yeah

0:14:06 Tom: Talk about like there were we had a couple of like minor sticking points I will say it was kind of funny with a couple like minor sticking points and he's like I don't know if I can do that and I'm like Sean I

0:14:14 Thomas: I love it I love this

0:14:15 Tom: Believe in you I believe you can I believe leaving you and he just starts laughing and I'm like it'll be fine I'm like you'll do this and it'll be fine your day will be fine and so we got to our our place like so then he starts like making conversation right so like now we're going to do the make conversation while we wait for the sales guy because we've got an hour to kill together sitting across from a desk

0:14:18 Thomas: Tough he's you're like I've seen this movie before yeah yeah

0:14:35 Eli: My god I'll pay triple for the car I'll pay triple for the car

0:14:37 Thomas: I exactly that's how they get me or I'm like you know I don't want a car I don'T you already bought it I donT want it never mind I don' t I'm leaving yeah

0:14:45 Eli: I'm good actually you can have my car that I drove here in whatever whatever

0:14:48 Tom: And I'm I took an uber so I was stranded so but

0:14:51 Eli: Prevents you from rotating through the four topics you've chosen as guy talk I will pay it the

0:14:57 Tom: So and I will say I took a uber just as like a tip if you ever have to do this because I was going to drive the new car home and I was 90 certain of which car I was buying but I did take an uBER to the starbucks next door so they wouldn't see me get out of an uBE and know that I was like stranded if I didn't buy a car like you gotta like you yeah I know but the the people there's a lot of psychology that's involved in like making those cars so so anyway so we're sitting there we're having like the the conversation he says at one point he's like hey do you think of the diddy situation you think he's going to jail and

0:15:13 Thomas: Well you could call another uber right so for sure for sure yeah

0:15:18 Eli: Psychology yeah effect for

0:15:28 Thomas: Okay

0:15:29 Tom: I was like oh a thousand percent he's he's gonna jail and staying in jail and

0:15:31 Eli: All the rapes yeah yeah

0:15:33 Thomas: Just for owning that much baby oil I think is a felony yeah

0:15:36 Eli: Hey

0:15:36 Tom: Real like it's just that's a quantity issue. Like at some point, no, no.

0:15:37 Thomas: Did you I'm so sorry Tom, did you see the Costco thing, did you see this? Okay, I have not verified this feels like an eli fact the excuse was hey he saw this, did not verify it, but I'm spreading it anyway Because who cares, that never hurts anyone To just spread something you heard The lawyer, the excuse You saw that You saw the excuse was Hey, the man likes to buy in bulk He loves a good deal Oh, you didn't see that? And then Costco think he said like at Costco or something And then Costa was like, we don't sell that baby oil Sorry This might not be true but it was one thing I saw on the internet.

0:15:53 Eli: Agree. That's an Eli fact.

0:16:11 Tom: Also we, we have a limit of six dozen per customer sir so you're way over so

0:16:17 Thomas: Seven pallets

0:16:17 Eli: Now I'm just picturing those old ladies by the edge who have to check off the amount you have, but it's with 10 ,000 bottles of baby oil. Just one, two, don't talk to me, you're interrupting. Three, four.

0:16:18 Thomas: Of it. Yeah, and you always see him count three of them and then just, ah, fuck it. Sribble Scribble the little receipt. Seat

0:16:32 Eli: Hey, while you're here waiting for me to count things in your cart, do you want us to build you a roof here at Costco? That's a weird thing we try to pitch you on the way out, huh? Huh? You want a roof from Costco? The same people who sell you the $5 chicken? No, you don't want one of those? All right. Well, you got 11 items in your cart, 11 items on the receipt. Get the fuck out. For paying to shop here.

0:16:53 Tom: So I'm sales guy is a super super young guy like I'm shit chatting with him like making conversation he's just out of college like so he's like 22 23 years old and know he says what do you think about the diddy thing we're kind of goofing around joking about the baby oil and like the 784 dildos and all that stuff and we're I talking about whether he's going to stay in jail and I'm like a thousand percent going to say in jail like he fucking deserves to rot in jail did you see the video of him beating up on cassie right his ex -girlfriend and then he says like wow don't you think he might have been provoked and this was actually like this is actually kind of the cool part of the conversation though because like I think I actually kind of got through to the guy no I think I got through to this guy so so I'm sitting across from this guy and like I you to like picture the guy that I just described to you right very diminutive guy like now no shade just a small guy right and like I'm across from him and I'm less of a small guy and so he's like don't you think maybe he was provoked and

0:17:22 Thomas: My god sorry yeah and

0:17:29 Eli: Doesn't Interesting. Sound super cool.

0:17:48 Tom: I was like well I

0:17:48 Thomas: You're like I could beat the shit out of you right now

0:17:51 Tom: Said well here's what I said I said I said you know respect Beck, what about if I just picked you up and started throwing you around?

0:18:01 Tom: And he just kind of looked at me. I was like, because I'm twice your size. I'm like, I'm 225. I am like, you've got to go 115, 125, somewhere around there. And he kind of nods. And I'm, like, so, like what if I just, like got mad?

0:18:09 Thomas: Urine comes out of the guy's pants right like

0:18:11 Tom: You said something to me in this deal and I got mad at you and I lost my my temper.

0:18:15 Thomas: For example that you couldn't make the thing just happened that we said this is

0:18:19 Eli: The undercoat wasn't included in this. Actually stole a car. Yeah.

0:18:21 Thomas: Where we learned that tom um a real good deal on a car

0:18:24 Tom: And was like, what if I just started throwing you around because I was angry? I was like, how would that work? He's like, well, I think it's a little different. I'm like, let me ask you this. I said, what Can you say that would justify me picking you up and throwing you Around the showroom right now? Is there something you could say that That would justify doing that. And he's like, no. But he's, like, that's, like, his girl or whatever. I was, like. All right. So as a man, is it my responsibility to control my emotional temper and regulation, or is it somebody else's responsibility to control it for me? And he just paused. And he was, like, oh, I see what you're saying. I see where you're saying. I said, so, like as a man, am I not supposed to hold control over my emotions rather than handing control of my own emotional regulation to someone else? How does that make me more of a man and I'm trying to like reach him on this level right because I can tell where he's

0:19:15 Thomas: Then you winked at the camera and it was like a fucking the more you know yeah

0:19:20 Tom: At and I really did and he had this moment of like real self -reflection he like paused he had this like long pause and he's like yeah yeah I think I get what you're saying I'm like so for me like manliest thing I can do is to control myself and recognize that it's it's impossible for me to be provoked. It is literally impossible that if I lose my temper, that's my responsibility every time.

0:19:22 Thomas: It's awesome eli

0:19:46 Tom: And a hundred percent of the time.

0:19:46 Thomas: Send hayley send haylie a dick but no I'm just kidding test it test this theory yeah

0:19:48 Tom: And it was awesome. It was awesome because like, I think I got through to that kid. Like I really do. Like we had like a moment and like, we moved away from the bullshit conversation and like he started off that conversation really like, don't you think that girl probably provoked that guy to to throw her around and we walked away from that conversation and I really think he felt differently about it and I felt like pretty good about the whole exchange I really did I was like hot damn like I think I got through to some fucking yahoo car salesman here it didn't didn't hurt that he was you know three and a half feet tall and 116 pounds or whatever that I could actually make that comparison but like I thought it was pretty cool

0:20:26 Eli: I mean I honestly I want to start like one of those change my mind series but all the the preposition is always I could beat the shit out of you right now but

0:20:35 Tom: What

0:20:37 Thomas: You're palestine well could beat the shit out of you right now. Okay.

0:20:43 Eli: I it I hate to tell you thomas but I could be the shit of you is not resolving the situation in palestine it's really anyway it's making it worse yeah

0:20:49 Thomas: Sorry. I thought that was the bit you were going with. I thought it was every debate was solved by Tom saying I could beat the shits out of me. I could shit out if you don't agree. Sorry. I got the wrong bit.

0:20:57 Eli: That's that that's a

0:20:57 Tom: Like that wasn't the point no that was I was trying to like put put him in the position of being the powerless one in that dynamic, right?

0:20:58 Eli: I'm picturing that guy who befriends kkk members but it's tom just being like I'll beat the shit out of you right now maybe you're not racist anymore and the guy's like um yeah nope black lives matter why

0:21:13 Thomas: Yep. You're right. Just need Tom to supervise some people all the time.

0:21:19 Tom: There we go.

0:21:19 Eli: Is your head as wide as your body is you know we'll talk about it later man we know and then he rides away heroically on his little bike. Sure.

0:21:28 Tom: All right. So the topic I wanted to talk to you guys about today, and I got permission from both Donovan and Aislinn to tell this story. So I wasn't on the bonus episode that we did a couple of weeks ago because I was taking Aisling to to lorry children's hospital um her to Lurie children's hospital because both aislen and donovan have an eating disorder and the eating disorder they have is called arfid and arf it is an acronym it stands for avoidant restrictive food intake disorder um it's been an enormous enormous challenge in our house um this eating disorder they've had it their whole lives that's how this eating disorder often but not always works I'll kind of go through some of the stuff about it in a minute but like it's not as well known as other eating disorders like anorexia nervosa or bulimia or binge eating or you know even like orthorexия which is related but recognized by the dsm -5 recently recently recognized as a full -on eating disorder it our entire life in our household like in terms of like our food situation in our home. Um, hereditary. Haley has some aspects of ARFID. So it's, it's often heredity. It's like 80%, um, 80 % more likely if somebody else in your family has it, that, that somebody will struggle with it. So, um, we took her to Lurie children's hospital. We've been on a waiting list for years and years to get help with this. And it's just been recently that Aislinn started to lose weight and she didn't grow. So she's 13 going on 14 she hasn't grown at all in the last year um

0:23:01 Thomas: Think it's worth it's because you've told us tom but this is some

0:23:04 Tom: Oh

0:23:04 Thomas: Fucking serious in terms of like what happens if it's yeah like it's scary jesus

0:23:07 Tom: It's a big deal yeah it's a it's big deal so and so I kind of want to talk to you guys and tell everybody kind of about the experience because it's been huge but I haven't wanted to talk about it without the kids permission because it'S kind of their medical situation and it's really like it's not something that that is not fraught with a lot of like emotional salience so I really wanted to make sure that they were were comfortable. So we took Aislinn to Lurie finally after like, I mean, literally like years of being on wait lists to try to get somewhere. And Lurier's the big children's hospital here in Chicago. And they did blood tests. Um, and she is expectedly very malnourished. You wouldn't know it from seeing her. Um. She's extremely malnurished. And they basically said, look, first thing you got to do is just get calories in. You got to get 500 more calories a day. Doesn't matter where they come from. Could be ice cream. You pour pour a fucking funnel of sugar down your throat it does not matter just get 500 calories more and then there's a process that we've got to go through called food chaining

0:24:05 Tom: Which is going to take an extremely long time and it's going to work in concert with like occupational therapists and nutritionists and you know a whole team of people that hopefully we're still waiting to get those people on our team to kind of get, this you part started. But the first, the first month we really just need to get calories into this girl.

0:24:25 Tom: Right. So, um, it's really tough because Aislinn's eating, I want to describe this to the audience and then I'll kind of describe the three presentations of our fit a little bit. Cause we actually have all all three in our house.

0:24:35 Thomas: Sorry just for one sec though do you ever have a fantasy that someone like a doctor someone doctor adjacent will tell you hey Thomas, I need you to get 500 more calories in your diet. And then you spring the largest erection you've ever had in your life.

0:24:37 Tom: Dude,

0:24:51 Thomas: And you're like, yes, please.

0:24:47 Tom: I, for real, if 500 more Cal, I'd be like, yeah, I fucking, I'll do that on the way home.

0:24:56 Thomas: Already did that as you were saying that sentence, like 500

0:24:58 Eli: I have had a Snickers bar in my pocket.

0:24:59 Tom: On the way Home.

0:25:01 Thomas: More than what I just ate as you Were talking. Yeah. Oh, okay, okay, cool. So a thousand more.

0:25:05 Eli: Yeah since 1992.

0:25:07 Tom: Yeah, look, I'm, we're having this doctor's appointment at the golden corral buffet for a reason, doctor. So, so like Aislinn, I want to describe kind of like where she's at with her eating right now. So people understand like it's not picky eating.

0:25:18 Eli: Yeah that's that's a really important distinction. There was was an amazing uh on arfid at uh last year

0:25:18 Thomas: For sure. QD. Yeah.

0:25:24 Tom: Oh, really? Okay. All right. So I didn't know. So a lot of people will confuse it with picky eating and they'll try to treat it the same way that you might try to intervene with somebody that was just a picky eater, which I have different thoughts and feelings about that too. But like, you know, Aislinn will eat only Honey Nut Cheerios. They have to be Honey Nut cheerios. They can't be any store -bought version of cheerios, right?

0:25:44 Tom: So if you were to buy General Mills, but if you Were to buy a different container or box of cheeros, that's absolutely not going to eat them.

0:25:44 Thomas: So far I'm in a hundred percent agreement.

0:25:53 Thomas: Ooh. Oh, that's interesting. Does it need to be the same like size box? Like even if it's all honey?

0:25:58 Tom: The same size box. She is flexible on the size of the container, although it's a good question. I don't know that in years past she would have been. So when she was younger, I actually think that the size of the container might have mattered more. She has to use the container of Fairlife whole milk. If it's any other kind of milk, any other type of container, absolutely will not eat it. Um no

0:26:00 Thomas: Gotcha. So, so this is the part that as someone who knows nothing about this, I think it seems like Eli knows a little bit. I was very surprised to learn this. I thought it was still all about taste and texture or something but it's it's amazing how much of it seems to be about the entire presentation of the food I

0:26:35 Eli: So the best um I've heard of ARFID that people have talked about and sort of said yes this makes sense is so ARFID is your brain using the disgust reaction that protects you in the wrong places right and so the way and forgive me this is slightly scatological but it's the best I've ever sort of been made to understand it if your friends and family and everyone in the world told you that eating a piece of shit was good for you and was something that you should do you still wouldn't be able to do it right you might try it if

0:27:07 Thomas: Aside I think the part that's funny is like well I'd eat the piece of shit if it came in this box but you know that's the part that's like what right

0:27:14 Tom: Well but so it's it's heavily a safety and fear reaction and disgust reaction that eli is describing so part of the reason that people with this certain type of ARFID, there's three types, but like the type that Aislinn has in in particular, like brain basically says there is a limited number of things to eat that are safe. And the things that she eats that are safe are always going to look and taste exactly the same. No deviation. Right. So they are always gonna be not home cooked foods, but prepackaged foods. Prepackaged foods are always exactly the same every time that you eat them. So every time she pours a bowl of Cheerios with Fairlife whole milk or every time she eats Rold Gold stick shaped, only stick shaped, pretzels dipped in this certain kind of ranch dressing and only that ranch dressing, only ever that ranch dressing, only over that shape of pretzel, only that pretzel from Rold Gold, her brain is like that's safe and every time She does it it's going to taste the same it's gonna look the same so for her that's that's fine that's on her safe list her safe list of foods is not 12 foods long. Is not an exaggeration. There are not 12 things that she eats in any given year. And throughout the year, it's not like she has 12 things that she can eat at any one time. She might have two or three things at any one time from the 12 that she'll eat. And there's no amount of cajoling. The same thing is like you said, Eli. I've had the same analogy. Like, if I put a piece of food on a plate, like if I gave her a plate of her favorite food and then I put an unfamiliar or unsafe food, the whole plate is tainted.

0:28:52 Tom: She can't eat anything on it. For a long time, she wouldn't eat at the same table other people were eating at. So if we were eating at the kitchen table, she couldn't be at the chicken table with us. She would go in the dining room to eat. So it's extremely severe. And as a result, like all the foods that she eats are like these packaged processed foods because again they're safe they're consistent they'll always look the same they'll Always Taste the same so it's resulted in like a lot of malnutrition so she doesn't like have a broad spectrum of vitamins

0:29:22 Thomas: Bet it sounds like it's all carb stuff like what is what is is a protein that she'll eat oh

0:29:27 Tom: So she's never had meat or fruit or vegetables, so it never, not in the years I've known her, like I think when she was very, very, very, very, very little, like prior to three. She had some of that stuff, but like in her like non -toddler years, she's not had fruits, meats or vegetables. None of that stuff is safe. And if you think about it, like apples aren't consistent, bananas aren't. She'll do a banana every once in a while. I want to take that back. She will do a banana with peanut butter on it every once in a while. She'll kind of do that.

0:29:53 Thomas: Peanut butter okay a good calorie food

0:29:55 Tom: It's not just the calories and it's not even just the macronutrients like protein. The problem too is that these foods don't contain any essential micronutrients like vitamins and minerals right so they're very very nutritionally empty of those things so when you run a blood panel and you look for like vitamin b vitamin d vitamin k these things are like non -existently low right because like there's nothing in them just started her recently on multivitamins so she is very aware now that she's 13 that she has got to make changes this is not sustainable and it's begun to intersect with her social life so she wanted to go away to camp last year the year before I don't remember but wasn't really able to go to camp because she wasn't going to be able to eat anything she wants to like go to friends houses and do things but like if it intersects with dinner time she can't eat dinner at anyone's house because it's not like they can order pizza and she'll eat pizza it's not one of the things she'll eat there isn't any normal food she can eat you can't take her to a restaurant unless that restaurant has french fries because the only restaurant style food she'll eat is french fries there's nothing else on any menu that she'll ate she might eat a dessert item here or there but like you know like a like type you know meal type food pancakes you can she'll do a pancake so You can do a breakfast restaurant. Those are safe. It's a really severe eating And it's actually fairly common.

0:30:19 Thomas: She take multivitamins or is that something she can't eat yeah

0:31:21 Eli: Incredibly common

0:31:22 Tom: Way more common than people think. And it gets brushed off as being picky eating. And It's so, so not the same thing as picky eating It's more of an OCD adjacent um kind of a disorder than it is anything related to actually like oh like I should just try new foods because new foods sound fun like there's nothing that's like fun about it

0:31:35 Thomas: Definitely oh

0:31:43 Eli: Well and what they talked about at the QED panel, which I thought was so interesting, and then talked about the BBC about ARFID that also came out is like you cure ARFID or you work on ARFID in the opposite way of working on picky eating, right? Because picky eating is a normal thing, right, that all kids go through, right. And you, you know, you show them the Daniel Tiger, you got to try new foods because they might taste good episode. And when we we try one bite, whether or not we like it. Right. And that's great for picky eaters, right? In a low pressure, non -punitive environment. Like that's the fucking way to go. Kids palates naturally develop as they get older. It's a healthy thing. If you do that to an ARFID person, it's like you put a little bit of poop in their mouth and you were like, every time I set up this dynamic, I'm going to put a Little Bit of Poop in Your Mouth. There's there's no amount of positivity around putting a little Bit of poop In Someone's Mouth that they're going to to be excited for the next time you put poop in their mouth okay

0:31:58 Thomas: Shit

0:32:40 Tom: Why don't we say no dynamic but certainly not

0:32:42 Eli: That's true that's fair that's fair tom and I go to a lot of the same websites

0:32:42 Tom: A fear so the type that Aislinn has and that she struggles with is sensory sensitivity so that's like that's the first type that I was kind of describing and Aislinn's like pretty much classically sensory sensitive with respect only to food so it's exclusively around the food thing and it's crazy too because there's no consistency that I we've ever it's not like likes crunchy things or she won't eat things that are solid she likes like I said she likes ranch dip she likes uh Play yo crunch M&M yogurt that's squishy like she likes goat cheese that's not crunchy so it's not even like a textural thing it's just a totally irrational connection that like her brain has drawn between food and fear um it's it's in terms of like her ability to like go on a vacation or head out to a restaurant as a family or like, you know, hang out with friends. And, you know, it's finally starting to intersect with her in ways that I think she's really motivated to work on changing. And like for Haley and I, we really had to have a talk the other day and come to the realization that like, can't be in charge of this anymore. We were in charge of this for a long time. We're in charge this last seven, eight years. And we're not the the right people to make progress on this, that we need a whole team of people to help us do this. We finally have a team to help us do it. Crazily, Donovan has ARFID too.

0:33:20 Thomas: That's insane yeah I was gonna ask how his is different you know is it like more manageable or jesus

0:34:16 Tom: He's a little older, obviously, so he's 18. I think as Donovan has gotten older, he's been able to push his own limits or boundaries on some of that stuff, but it's still, if you met Donovan, you would still describe him as the pickiest eater you'd ever met until you met Aislinn, right? Donovan's same thing. It's not like he can just like go to a restaurant and be assured that he'll find something on the menu and it'll be fine, right, it's a lot of the same foods, very restrictive, very nervous around trying things, but really where Donovan struggles, is he has a lack of interest in food. So that's the third presentation. There's three presentations. That's one of the other presentations of ARFID, is that he not only has some of the sensory sensitivity, but he has an near total lack of interested in food, so when he was younger, he would just not eat and pass out from not eating, because his body, he just wouldn't eat.

0:35:07 Thomas: Christ but does does he have an interest in not passing out though like it's together

0:35:13 Tom: You would think that he would be able to be like, yeah, I just want, But it's like, you know, the only way to describe it is like, imagine the least hunger you ever were and everybody is telling you it's time for dinner. And not like he forgets to eat. He does do that. But like, he has a near total lack of interest in eating. There are some things that are treat foods that if they're around, he'll eat them just like anybody else, but they're not nutritionally valuable foods, right? So like a piece of cake is a piece of cake. But if that sort of stuff isn't around, like he can easily go the whole day without eating, the like whole day and have to be reminded, hey man, did you eat anything today? Oh no, I haven't eaten anything today. And you have to be like, you've got to put a food, you got to put a foot in you, man.

0:35:24 Thomas: Guys

0:35:57 Tom: Like I don't care what it is, you You've got to get a food in there and he's not trying to lose weight and it's not connected in any way to his appearance, like none whatsoever. In fact, he'd very much like to bulk up and gain weight, but like he absolutely has like much no interest in food combined with some of that sensory sensitivity. Now, again, he's older, so it's Not as severe as Aislinn's is, but it's still dramatically does impact his life like on a day to day basis.

0:36:23 Eli: And and the other thing is that ARFID peaks pre-puberty right so when when your body starts to get flooded with those hormones for the first time your natural disgust mechanism so it's really interesting one of the things they've studied, like you start to smell yourself. So your natural disgust mechanisms naturally, again, healthily activate. Right. Because you're supposed to go, oh, I sweat now more than I did when I was a small child. I need to bathe. I mean, to do the things that make me smell nice. But if you have ARFID, it sort of activates an already overreactive disgust reflex through the roof. So pre -puberty, puberty is one of the more dangerous times for ARFID patients because they can, as Tom's talking about, just stop eating.

0:37:04 Tom: Yeah and haven't done blood work for donovan but I'm certain that if we did blood work for Donovan that it would come back the same that there would be a whole host of malnutrition markers because how could there not be based on like his there's no significant diversity of his eating and again doesn't eat anywhere near enough and then crazily Haley remember this this is hereditary. So like Haley has some amount of the sensory sensitivity, which you would never have known until the last few years of her life, because she's also developed the third one, which is the fear of aversive consequences version. What's happened with Haley is like Haley her whole life has been, she's had like an incredibly diverse palette. But, So, if um, Haley doesn't like something, and this is very different than like myself, for example, like if I don't like Something, I probably am like, yeah, but if I'm hungry, I'll eat it. You know, it doesn't really matter that much if I don't Like it. Right. Like it's like, Hey, you want to eat this? It's like as it tastes good. I don't, I'm fucking hungry. Like, I'll taste like eating.

0:37:55 Eli: That's my boy.

0:38:02 Tom: That's what I need to do.

0:38:02 Eli: That was Literally last night, Tom, I had a soup that I ordered that was too spicy. And was like, how is it? And I was like fucking awful. And she was like you are eating it. And I was like, yeah, but you know, it's food time.

0:38:13 Tom: Yeah. I'm Hungry. Like I've got to feed this piece of shit.

0:38:16 Eli: Food time. Food here. Don't want to bother her. She didn't make the soup. This is my fault. There's a little chili right next to it on the menu. Nobody would blame it myself.

0:38:23 Tom: This is, yeah, like that's, that's on me. That's a hundred percent. So like Haley actually taught herself how to cook because like for her, it's very important that the food tastes just right. If it doesn't, she does not want to eat. Like she will not eat things that she does. Not like, thankfully she likes most food. So, like most food categorically, I will say she likes, but like, I'm a very good cook and I don't cook in our house. She does all the cooking. And it's not because I'm not a good cook. I'm a very good cook It's because she needs to have control over the cooking in order for her to feel comfortable that it's going to turn out the way she needs it to turn out. Because if it doesn't, she's not going to be able to eat it. She can't just be like, that's not what I wanted and then eat it anyway. And then over the past few years, because she's gotten so sick after having gotten C. diff and having so many digestive problems because she had it for so long, that now she has the fear of aversive consequences version so now new foods for her which aren't even new they're just sort of being reintroduced into her diet because her diet at one point was all the way down to crackers and broth for about four or five months so like we've really had to introduce an entire diet back into her repertoire as she got less sick but she's afraid of them like she is terrified a like new foods are frightening because they haven't always gone well we

0:39:50 Tom: Don't, when they don't go well she gets just immensely deeply sick and and that has dramatically restricted her options her feeding options and that is actually the third sort of version of ARFID so it is fucking insane because I am in this house and I will eat literally anything like could be like it is a bug I would be like yeah but it's fucking noon and I eat lunch at noon so I'm eating that bug like I don't care very much like it's crunchy it's protein it's

0:40:08 Thomas: Hey tom I sauteed this plywood you want uh want a bite there's

0:40:20 Tom: Man I'd give it a shot that's the thing thomas I'd be like yeah I would taste a piece of plywood yeah why not yeah not my favorite but it filled my stupid belly you know and then like I'm living in this house with three people that have all three versions of our fin

0:40:24 Thomas: A little salt and pepper little spices is on it yeah yeah I

0:40:26 Eli: It's not my favorite. Yeah. I've Yeah. Yeah, I think I've mentioned it on the show before, but you posted it on Facebook. Your whole family was eating the same meal, right? And so we saw the Curry boys and also the Haley family all at the same table. And it was so obvious which family was which because, you know, Finn Finn and Eamon have like half a tablecloth in their mouth and the other side of the family are like carefully portioning off the plates to make.

0:40:49 Tom: Amen

0:41:00 Eli: That nothing touches are you gonna eat your fork yeah

0:40:54 Thomas: Guess

0:41:00 Tom: Yes dude that's exactly it like Finn and I are just like I mean there's like a couple of things Finn doesn't like, I like, I don't like eggnog and goat milk that's it I can't I literally can't think of any other normal food anything else that I wouldn't eat

0:41:19 Thomas: I won't send my goat nog to you this christmas then you could have told me

0:41:23 Tom: I'm getting over the goat milk thing on purpose with with Aislinn's, I'm trying to demonstrate to her like that that you can do these hard things so I'm actually intentionally eating goat cheese with her but

0:41:28 Thomas: But that the way I mean you mentioned like what is the actual methods that this place is going to use oh

0:41:37 Tom: They're gonna do something called food chaining um food chaining will be, so food chaining is gonna be, this is gonna take fucking forever like it's going to take literally like years like to do this work so what you do is you start off with something like um

0:41:50 Thomas: Of six degrees of kevin bacon it's six degrees of bacon so

0:41:53 Tom: Is so grits exactly it that's exactly it so like I'll tell you like what we're going to work on like one of Aislinn's safe foods is she will eat a grilled cheese sandwich, it has to be made by myself or Hayley, preferably Hayley, it has to be Butternut white bread and it has to be uh American cheese so it can't be yellow yellow American cheese. It can't be a different kind of bread. And only two people are allowed to make it because we make it very consistently. Right. So she doesn't want anyone else to make it. So a food chain would be for us to make a grilled cheese that has yellow American cheese and try to transition her from white American cheese to yellow American cheese. And then if we can get her to accept that the color of the cheese doesn't make the sandwich unsafe. Right, because it doesn't taste any different. It melts exactly. It's literally the same thing but it's visually it's going to be different if we can get her to go to yellow american cheese then the next thing we might do would be to say all right let's try a different kind of bread like we're just going to still stay with white bread we're going to go away from butternut white bread, we're gonna try a different brand of white bread and then we might try something that's like, you know, a whole wheat bread for example, or

0:43:00 Thomas: Food

0:43:01 Tom: Yeah or like right

0:43:01 Thomas: Of Theseus eventually she's not even eating the ship oh

0:43:04 Tom: Or like like we would go to, you know, what we want to get to is making a quesadilla. To transition her. It'll be multiple steps. We're going to transition her from a grilled cheese to a quesadilla, just a cheese, plain cheese quesadilla. And then if we can get her to a plain cheese quesadilla, then maybe we can do a cheese and chicken quesadilla, right?

0:43:27 Thomas: That's a big step do

0:43:28 Tom: And that would be a huge step. That would be huge step, but that's what food chaining is. You very slowly make very minor changes to existing safe foods. So like her Honey Nut Cheerios, we might food chain into a different brand of milk first or a different percentage of milk fat.

0:43:45 Thomas: You try to keep the old one alive too or is it like because like it seems like in the past she's maybe kind of transitioned between things a little you know or is that not right right

0:43:54 Tom: No, that's true. And it is a worry. So one of the things that makes ARFID so difficult to treat, and it is really difficult to treat, is that people with ARFID will just go off of things and they they don't know why

0:44:05 Thomas: I was gonna say now she only wants the yellow cheese and she won't do yeah brutal

0:44:07 Tom: That's a very real possibility she might, her brain might just wire it up and just be like, well, I don't, I don't do white cheese now, I do yellow cheese, so a whole thing, it's tough, but we are at a place now with her where she's doing, I want to give her real credit, she's doing um instant breakfast every day and And we add a little scoop of collagen powder in it because it adds some protein to it. And the Carnation Instant Breakfast adds a ton of micronutrients that are absolutely vital. Like she's got to get them. And she doesn't love it. I will say she does not love it, but she has come to an understanding that it's time for her to make some changes. She's going to have to do things that are hard, that are challenging, that at times are very upsetting. And she's like really looking at it like with a great attitude. And she's getting the five hundred extra calories. She's doing the Carnation Instant Breakfast. And like to give credit where it's due for Donovan, too, he's done most of this work without the progress that he's made has been extraordinary from where he started. And he's done that without the benefit of any outside supports because getting supports for our fit is fucking impossible.

0:45:17 Tom: Like years we've been on waiting lists, years. We've been at four or five years. I think we've been on a waiting list to try to get help because it's such a recently diagnosed disorder that trying to find anyone who knows anything about it is fucking impossible yeah

0:45:33 Eli: Well and because early treatments for it were, and this is what the BBC documentary talked about, because early treatments for ARFID were so ineffective, they actually don't have a lot of clean methodology in place because so many of the adults suffering from ARFID have not cash money experiences around food and food treatment that have affected houses, so like when they try it with kids they're having a much higher success rate and they were like oh I wonder why this works better on kids and it's because kids probably never sat at the dinner table till midnight weeping right because their mom was like you eat that big pile of shit young man I worked hard on it, like there's just, you know, so it's really uh it's sort of frontiers of treating

0:46:15 Thomas: Did work hard on it but man oh

0:46:16 Eli: The illness I

0:46:16 Tom: When it's crazy, I will say too, because I don't want to give myself credit where it's not due, it is really frustrating as a parent, like, and I want to like like say it for parents like because it seems fucking insane it feels it feels fucking insane that somebody just Just won't try anything or that you'll make a food and yesterday they ate the same thing and you made the same thing and now they're off of it and now They might be off of if for a year or two and you have no idea and they cannot articulate Why and all you want to do is feed your kid something healthy and like it's even more than that too because Food culturally and socially and familially is such a big deal. It's how we bond We invite people over for dinner. We pass down family recipes. We show love by cooking things. We stop at the store to buy a little treat for our special someone. Food is so important. It's such a big part of how we connect and bond and show love and receive love and form groups and socialize. And when you've got somebody that has ARFID all of that is if not impossible exponentially more difficult exponentially

0:46:28 Thomas: Super

0:46:31 Eli: Don't think so I think it's it sounds fine yes

0:46:35 Thomas: Easy actually yeah yeah for

0:47:36 Eli: Right

0:47:36 Tom: And sometimes it feels emotionally as a parent, it feels, it, like if you're not thinking carefully and properly in the moment, can feel rude, you know or like it can feel defiant it can fill you feel a lot of things that you're putting in there that don't come from the kid the kid is afraid right the kid is feeling fear that's what the kid is bringing to the table but as an adult it's like I've got 40 years worth of like enculturation around the value of food and how we connect over it

0:48:10 Thomas: It's also gonna be tricky because with tiny kids it's like the difficulty is I wish I could reason with you I wish I could talk to you I wish I you know and then this is something that affects kids who you know obviously you can reason with them but then it just feels through them must be a whole different level of frustration right

0:48:26 Eli: Well and and the other thing that um very hard to deal with as a family member and one of the people who spoke on the panel talked about sort of being supportive is because arfid is a disgust reaction um It's really hard not to go, you're being rude, right? Because the answer is usually like, ew, or get that away from me. The way we would, right, we wouldn't be like, hey, Tom, I really appreciate you taking a shit into that bowl.

0:48:51 Eli: I'm not a shit guy, but God, what a welcoming. I love that it's so close to my face, right. You're like, get it away, get It away, right The understanding that it is a disgust reaction is good. But again, it's really hard to like make a safe food or be a part of that process in supporting someone. And one day your hard work pays off and the next day it's gone and there's no conversation to be had about it. Right. Interestingly, you know, one of the very first treatments that they give you is visualization. Like you just visualize yourself eating those foods. Yeah. It's one of The Really Early Ones. It's very successful.

0:48:53 Thomas: Watch

0:49:29 Tom: Crazy is like I didn't know the name of this, we did not, not Haley, and I did not know the name of this seven or eight years ago. It's not like pediatricians told us about this. We stumbled on this on our own, you the know, GPs and pediatricians have been completely fucking useless with this stuff. You totally useless. And like, especially with Donovan and Aislinn because they grew. Okay. They were just like, hey, they try to get him to eat a little, a you sandwich once in a while, try a meat, you know, but they're growing there. They're on on the track they're growing and it's like yeah they're fucking growing but like it stops at a certain point it stops. At a certain point like big kid bodies need a different kind of nutrient intake than little kid bodies. You can't just sustain on fucking glucose forever you know it's but absolutely.

0:50:18 Tom: So like and to your point before Eli like it does hurt like It's impossible for it not to hurt as an adult to be like, I'm making everybody this beautiful meal, and I'm going to spend hours and money and time and effort and skill, and I'm gonna make this beautiful mea ,l and then to have somebody totally unwilling to try it.

0:50:13 Thomas: Me tom watch me well Eli makes reference to it but I guess it was probably, what, a facebook post or something, the time that uh one morning when Lydia made breakfast, was like, and it's one of those from the mouths of babes things where she's not trying to be insulting she's just like can I have something else you know and she's like well why what's wrong well because you made a disgusting breakfast and not, and again that's the best thing about kids, is that she's, she wasn't trying to be insulting, she's like matter of factly, yeah, no, this thing you made is disgusting, is the thing like that's I don't know how you

0:51:12 Eli: That's why I'm not eating it because it's gross

0:51:14 Thomas: Made

0:51:13 Tom: And when you're trying to work with somebody with ARFID, it's like every, everything you make is disgusting. Disgusting and everything you can make and will make is disgusting your thanksgiving recipes that you love and your you know everybody loves the pot roast I make you know like fucking there's no way they're gonna eat it and you're just like it's fucking delicious you're wrong you know and so it like it'S hard as an adult not to have feelings around it um and to be supportive the way the kids need to be supportive and there have been times raising the kids that That because we didn't know what ARFID was, we didn'T know how to approach it. And it was a tough space. We had conflict as a family around it, and it was really tough. So now it's finally, I think, becoming more and more something that's reaching people's ears as to what it is, and honestly, how common it is. And how many adults fucking struggle with it.

0:51:17 Thomas: A disgusting phrase yeah

0:52:11 Eli: Right well some fantastic information this time gentlemen I got a little more for you uh why do theater people say break a leg because if you break a leg you're in the cast

0:52:24 Tom: That's actually pretty good. That was pretty good,

0:52:31 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads .com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILf, tom smith who also wrote and recorded the intro music which is used with his permission this podcast is a production of daddy issues llc copyright 2022 all rights reserved

0:53:11 Eli: A part that still loves cops but

0:53:14 Tom: We're having this doctor's appointment at the golden corral buffet for a reason, doctor.

0:53:18 Thomas: Of six degrees of kevin bacon it's six degrees of bacon

0:53:21 Eli: Like, hey, Tom, I really appreciate you taking a shit into that bowl. Like oh thanks for the reminder that I'm a bad person I very relatable content. And