DOD142: Old Old Olds

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and utter dependence. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

0:00:22 Clip: Telling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

0:00:29 Tom: Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's not getting older, it's so much older. I'm Tom Curry, I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:34 Thomas: Really creaky around here.

0:00:40 Eli: Hello there, Tom.

0:00:42 Thomas: I push record and it's like, oh, yeah.

0:00:45 Eli: Seven of my knuckles popped as I pushed my record button.

0:00:50 Tom: Because you guys are 10 years or so younger than I am. I think both of you, I think, are about 10 years younger.

0:00:53 Thomas: Jesus.

0:00:54 Eli: At least 27, 30.

0:00:57 Tom: Are a point where you can get up and down out of a chair without making a groaning sound like is that

0:01:02 Eli: I don't know that I could ever do that, Tom, but I certainly, certainly can't now.

0:01:07 Tom: Every can you thomas smith are you are you up and down without the sound or can you silently oh

0:01:12 Thomas: I am, but it's because of ADHD, I think. I think for me it's, like, got to go do something, I'm out. You know, I feel like I'm going to die. I think there's a little bit of intensity. If it's a rare time when I actually get to relax, no, then then I'm definitely doing the, and you do you do the inverse sound getting in as getting out yep yeah it's different it's really interesting mathematically

0:01:31 Tom: You saw yeah right yeah it's an equal and opposite balance physics thing. I think they have to.

0:01:35 Eli: The, big thing that I have noticed The big aging marker for me is that the weight loss thing, it's just so much harder. I was so young because I'm a on weight loss journey right now. Hey, everybody, would someone please murder me?

0:01:44 Thomas: That's me yeah me too yeah oh

0:01:51 Eli: I'm On A Weight Loss Journey right now, and I've done really well, and I'm really proud of myself. And then I was telling the boys, I spent a week living in a hotel and sort of eating takeout, and I gained seven pounds, seven pounds. Pounds a pound a day I I did not shit for an entire weekend just give

0:02:04 Tom: My God. Yeah.

0:02:04 Thomas: My yeah that's about right yeah I don't understand it I don't understand it wait

0:02:14 Eli: Birth to a seven pound

0:02:16 Thomas: There was was a flight involved right so I have found that like hey the best time to start a diet oh here's a trick, a little tip and a trick Eli, if you haven't figured this out, start your diet. Yeah.

0:02:23 Eli: Diet tips with T-Dog that's

0:02:26 Thomas: Right. When you get back because flying and whatever you did somehow does put on 40 pounds of dark matter.

0:02:34 Tom: Traveling absolutely does.

0:02:34 Thomas: Like it absolutely does. And then when you start the diet, then you weigh yourself and then like a couple of days go by, it's like, fuck, I've lost five pounds in three days. This is incredible. I'm on the best diet in the world.

0:02:35 Tom: It's bizarre.

0:02:43 Eli: Killing it yeah I have have so much willpower

0:02:46 Thomas: Seems physically impossible that I could lose lose that much weight. But yeah, here we are. No, I am actually too, Eli, I have the same note. Like don't I've, know, this is going to sound weird, but I've Always felt like someone who was going to be the, like, just than his age person, like just sports, whatever. Like I'm always just felt like that guy. And then I realized the biggest sign, like I'm still playing hockey, but it's, you know, it's a little, I think recovery is a little harder. The biggest sign is that like, oh, oh, I would like to lose some weight, check back in five years. You know, like I can't, it takes forever. I used to go on a diet in my 20s and I would lose so much weight so fast. And now it's just like, nah, not going to happen.

0:02:46 Eli: Look at me yeah no oh going on a diet in your 20s you'd Someone would like offer you an apple and you'd be like, no, thanks. And you'd, you'd feel your body go like, just 15 pounds would fall off you in a thunk on the floor. I have not eaten a delicious thing since January of last year and somehow I just eat blocks of tofu. Sometimes I just need a block of tofu because here's the thing. All the stuff that's quick is bad for you.

0:03:31 Thomas: Muscles tighten up. That didn't even work out. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

0:03:50 Eli: Every single one of them, every single one. Even people are like, Eli, just have a fresh bite of an apple. Got to wash that apple. Got to watch that apple, and if I'm going to wash an apple, might as well make a pot of pasta. That's how I feel about it.

0:04:02 Thomas: Okay. That's not exactly where I was.

0:04:04 Eli: Carrot?

0:04:04 Thomas: Yeah.

0:04:05 Eli: What am I supposed to do?

0:04:05 Thomas: Sure.

0:04:05 Eli: I'm supposed to bite into a regular -ass carrot?

0:04:06 Thomas: To eat a Pop -Tart with it. Yeah.

0:04:07 Eli: Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Exactly.

0:04:10 Tom: I've at two times in my life that I've lost lost 40 pounds or more like in high school sophomore junior year I lost a lot of weight a lot a lot weight I was a real heavy kid freshman and sophomore mostly from turtle bites and then I did it again in my 30s so I got real I got heavy again I pushing like 300 pounds or so

0:04:21 Eli: Mostly from turtle bites. I

0:04:23 Thomas: It counts yeah

0:04:31 Eli: Saw you do that weight loss, right?

0:04:33 Thomas: I

0:04:33 Tom: Yeah yeah in my30s I dropped a bunch of weight and And now I'm at a place where I'm just like, yeah, I'm just whatever size my body's going to decide it is like

0:04:40 Thomas: Know it

0:04:40 Eli: You're a little lad on a bike, but

0:04:41 Thomas: Sucks here's

0:04:43 Tom: Like I've gained like 15 pounds in the last year or so. And I'm just like like I I can's anymore with it. Yeah.

0:04:46 Eli: It's all bike and muscle. All thigh.

0:04:50 Thomas: Hope there's okay to stay tom here's weird thing I in the back of my mind I'm like hey I'm a dude I benefit from the patriarchy no one actually cares that I have the you know a little bit of extra stomach weight in fact I think honestly it people weirdly with dudes they're like, oh, dad bod. Now you're hotter than you were. You know what I mean? Like somehow society hands me all these gifts as a dude. And I'm like, but no, I still, I don't want it. I want to lose weight for no reason, for no region. There isn't any reason I need to, I'm not unhealthy. It's just like, I can't, I have to though. It's weird.

0:05:24 Eli: Well, check your privilege, Thomas, because my doctor is like, so, you know, you can also tell I'm getting older is how assertively my doctor has talked to me about losing weight. When I was in my 20s, my doctor was like, you Know, it's very important. You got to care for your joints and stuff. And I was like OK, yeah, maybe I'll go on a diet someday, Doc. And he was like All right, well you know whenever you feel like it now he's like Look, you have six days to lose 275 pounds. Otherwise, I was very proud this year when I went on my diet, right? Went to my doctor and I was like, so do I have Ozempic? Do I get Ozempic? Right? Because I don't know if you guys are part of, you guys aren't as, well, Thomas, you're coastal, but not, not coast.

0:06:00 Thomas: No. Yeah. I'm not in, in, there are a lot of people in my state doing Ozempic, but but I don't know about around me.

0:06:05 Eli: So you live anywhere except New York City, every person is on Ozempic right now. All people. And hey, they really don't know enough about it and it makes you really sick so I have like uncountable amount of friends who are just like I'm sorry I can't make it the ozempic and I'm like oh no I get it yeah ozempic is the new covid remember in 2020 when you wanted to not be in a place and you'd be like I I took a rapid test and it's negative but I haven't taken a ppr and people would be like oh absolutely don't worry about it that's the new ozempic is the new excuse so I was like hey down to be fair to my doctor I showed up and I was like hey I do not want to go on ozempic and she was like great you're not fat enough for ozempic and I'm sorry what please I'm a married man doctor not fat for ozempic I would love I think

0:06:25 Thomas: Maybe that's just their excuse for everything. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

0:06:58 Thomas: Okay, because the celebrities all go on it and they have no extra weight, but that's because they're celebrities.

0:07:02 Eli: They don't have a doctor who cares if they live or die I have a doctor who actually cares if I live or die

0:07:07 Thomas: I'll tell you, because the weight loss has gotten so difficult, I'm finally doing the right thing, which actually might be working which is I've just decided I'm entirely replacing all the bullshit I eat with actual food which it's what you have to do it's like okay eat whole food eat stuff that's real not processed because um the calories you know the density also the reward centers all that and so I'm eating like the all all the right stuff. And I'll tell you now I have a problem where I'm full all the time, but I'm not getting enough calories. So, but I also can't tell. So I'll wake up in the morning and be like, Oh my God, I didn't eat enough yesterday. Holy fucking shit. But I can't really tell in the moment. butI SoI also don't want to keep track of it. It's too much work. So that's what I'm doing. I think it's working though. I've lost like two pounds in couple weeks might be too much but wow

0:07:40 Tom: What that is great yeah hell

0:07:55 Eli: Great yeah I'm down like 50 from the no 30 from the start of the year I was 255 at the start Of the year thanks to this week I'm at 226 so I'm down like 25 pounds but my low was 219 so yeah that's what I'm working on but yeah that part of part of getting old I

0:08:07 Tom: That's awesome good for you 234 this morning when I weigh myself every day 234this

0:08:16 Eli: Weigh myself every day too because noom yells at me if I don't I I don't get a coin.

0:08:17 Tom: Morning yeah

0:08:18 Thomas: Me too and I weigh myself at night because that's when you weigh more and Lydia always does in the morning I'm like yeah but then you're cheating yeah

0:08:25 Eli: I weigh myself first thing in the morning. 100% cheating. I get in a sauna for 20 minutes and take EpiCac. I

0:08:32 Thomas: It's funny we have this same thing thing where lydia's like I can't do it because then it's but I'm but you know that it's that though like if you weigh yourself in in the morning you know that at night you weigh two pounds more than that but is that different

0:08:44 Tom: But long as you weigh yourself at the same time every day it doesn't really matter that much

0:08:46 Thomas: Know I know but it but we did have that explicit discussion of like she's like I'm never gonna weigh myself at night and it's kind of it's like okay yeah

0:08:53 Eli: My scale, I feel like, is either broken or I'm a liar because sometimes I'll be like, oh, there it goes, goes down. And then some days it'll just be like you gained three pounds and I'm like, come on, liar.

0:09:02 Thomas: I don't get it I don't understand it

0:09:05 Tom: Body has no interest in losing weight. And I think that's part of why I've given up. Like I tried, I tried for a minute and I was like, Oh, I could, I can stand to drop this 10 or 15 that I've picked up in the last year. That wouldn't bother me to drop it. And then I tried and I Was like, this is just deprivation and nothing's happening.

0:09:21 Tom: So it was just like neat. All right. Well, this Is just the size I am now. That's it.

0:09:21 Eli: Well, and we can speak to this because we all work too much. You guys work way too much more than I do. So it's weird for me to put myself you in the same category as you. But like you realize how much of your reward center has been food when you're overworked. Right. Because you're like, oh, I'm just I'm going to eat healthy. And so you do your work and your brain is like, it's time for a treat. And you're You're like, all right, brain, here's an apple. And your brain's like, I'll fucking kill you.

0:09:48 Eli: I'll literally kill you Go get two Pop -Tarts and put a butter stick in between them, covered in chocolate milk mix right now.

0:09:37 Thomas: Genuine yeah yeah brain's like I can I can do it in your ass yeah yeah I honestly went through a bit of a like don't know if I want to say depression but I went yeah I I realized I'm so stupid I realized what I had done so basically I gained a a bit more way and and again, I, this is, overweight. I get because nobody can see me. So I just want to give an accurate presentation. I've just got a little extra stomach fat.

0:10:01 Eli: Genuinely, Thomas, tired I'm of telling you this. You're not invisible, man.

0:10:21 Thomas: All 5 '11 and weighed I've 190 and thought that was way too much. And, got some musculature, I've Got big shoulders. So it's like, whatever. Ever. And then, um, I don't know if you know this, we had a bad year. Uh, we had a very, a very bad year and

0:10:33 Eli: What happened? Everything

0:10:33 Tom: What? Did something happen?

0:10:34 Eli: Okay?

0:10:35 Tom: You should mention this.

0:10:35 Thomas: I ballooned up to a degree that I couldn't believe. And I was above 200 for the first time in my life. And I was like, this is what is happening. And then it kept going and I hit a high of like 206 when I was like, I have to, I don't know what's happening. And thought it was the stress cause that's part of it. And maybe it is part of it. But then I realized you're, love, you guys are going to gonna love this I've already told Tom but you're gonna love this I think what happened my favorite breakfast cereal went just stopped making it they stopped making and it was my favorite because it was reasonably healthy it was called strawberry fields and from a brand that seems like you know oh that's a cool small brand then you realize that yeah but it's owned by Comcast or whatever like they all the shitty places or companies own everything they just you put the different wrapping on it akashi it was one of those kashi cereal do you know that it's like this healthy or

0:11:08 Eli: Was your favorite breakfast cereal?

0:11:25 Tom: I know the Kashi cereals. Yeah, they're good.

0:11:27 Thomas: So it is absolutely it it can only order it on walmart now like it's not at the store and the walmart version was like it wasn't in stock all the time and eventually I I thought they stopped making it it's actually showing up for you that's weird I thought they stopped me anyway we couldn't get it so I was like well you know me because of the adhd I I have to just do something and forget about it. So I have the same thing in the morning because I just can't like think I can't it's too hard to think about it's not a matter of taste like I'll eat whatever it's like all right that's a thing where I don't have to think and

0:11:27 Eli: Right here on walmart .com I'm just throwing that out there okay yeah I get it I get it showed up for me right you need the tradition right

0:12:03 Thomas: I just need less processing time I just my brain is like I you can't invest thought in another thing that's all it is and so I was like well I gotta change cereals I gotta find new cereal so we went to a different kashi cereal and I just was eating that unthinkingly for like two years or maybe like yeah I don't even time is weird because the lawsuit thing and then the other day when I was like all right I think I'm eating too many carbs I gotta watch this I was like I gotta cut this breakfast meal I look at it it's fucking the densest it might as well be granola and I was shoveling down I was shoveling Down two three servings of this shit every morning

0:12:38 Eli: Was gonna say because you end up eating it for so again this is a sad insight into the life of an overworked person cereal for dinner happens way more often than you're willing to admit right you're just like all right well I got another hour of editing um right multigrain cheerios you're up to bat they're they're like waking up like a night shift guy who suddenly got called in for a morning show what what are we doing what why am I here why the sun is out what

0:12:59 Thomas: Well, to your point, Eli, even worse when you're like, well, I just worked until 1 a.m. Now I definitely need an even bigger reward. Right. And then like you eat tricks or whatever the fuck the kids had. It's awful.

0:13:12 Eli: Am I gonna do make myself a fucking nice caprese salad no it's one is quiet there's a fucking night owl outside being like oh I'm not fucking making soup yes

0:13:25 Thomas: No, but tell you. I already think part of my family's whole thing is a weirdness with carbs and blood sugar. Like there's something going on. I've never gotten to the bottom of it, but my whole immediate family has kind of the same weirdness around food that we've like we've tested. It's not diabetes. It's a weird thing. It's it's not whatever, but we all just have a thing where like we know this exists because we all kind of have the same weird thing and I have it worse than a lot of my family if I don't eat at the right times and then do stuff. Anyway, long story short, I quit that giant bowl of fucking sugar, flour, carb nonsense in the morning. And the first few days, it was like someone died and I was in a hospital bed.

0:14:01 Thomas: I your reward center. Yeah, your brain's reward center is all around that. And my brain was like, well, why are you alive? There is no reason for you to be alive.

0:14:01 Eli: Sugar addiction is real yeah oh

0:14:08 Tom: There's no reason to wait. You woke up for nothing. You woke up for nothing today.

0:14:12 Thomas: And it took I powered through it. Guy. This was like a major addiction. Fucking, I don't want to, sorry, I shouldn't make that comparison, but it felt as though it was like, I got to kick this very difficult drug habit, you know, and go cold turkey. And I got through it. I'm still struggling a little with the low energy, but like, my God, did it make a difference? Now I have more energy throughout the day, but it still is like ,I don't get that high, you know? And your brain wants that carb reward, but I'll tell you, it's it's, way better. I'M losing weight. I I' have more energy, sustained energy. I actually, this is so ADHD Thomas. I just accidentally replaced my everyday cereal with the worst thing I could have done. Like

0:14:24 Eli: 100 100 can I say the worst part about weight loss is that you hear yourself say things that you used to make fun of and but it's what you think now so you'll be like oh yeah no sugar and like we've you all had that friend be like oh man once I gave up sugar and you're like okay but once I came up sugar like you you want to there should be like support groups for like I've heard this weight loss bullshit talk my entire life because everyone's obsessed with image but I would like to say it now so

0:14:58 Thomas: That's fair. Yep. That's true. Yeah well I never was skeptic. Sugar has always been, it was more like I would never do that because why would you live? But I still am not doing that. It's just this cereal was so bad that it like, it unbeknownst to me. You can still have honey. You can still show, you know, whatever. And so, yeah,

0:15:33 Eli: Just stand -up in a church basement filled with other dudes and you're like hi my name's eli and um you know soda makes up more than 50 percent of the american calorie base so um I just wanted to say that boring thing that we've all heard a million million times I'm done then

0:15:45 Thomas: That's absolutely true though.

0:15:47 Tom: A tendency to forget or just get too busy. It's 1 .30, 1 .45 my time. I haven't eaten anything today. And I am fucking hungry. And so by the time I get to food and I get a round of food, I'm just going to eat all of it. I'm going to get a fucking insane. Because I also, my body

0:16:02 Eli: Is why I used to eat when we record it was delightful

0:16:04 Tom: Does not ever tell me like, oh, hey, you should stop eating. You're full. I just stop eating when the food's gone. Like my body never is like, you're full, you'll probably be good for now. Now, my body's like, keep shoveling in, stupid. So it's like a very it's has to be like a very conscious sort of like, all right, I to not eat seven of those.

0:16:16 Eli: You miss your burger you

0:16:23 Thomas: But when you eat food that has actual fiber in it, dear God, it's, you get full, you actually get full. It's crazy. Well, Tom, maybe not you, but like a person, when I eat fucking Doritos, you can eat endless Doritos. There's no end to the Doritos you can eat. Genuinely think that might be true. Like, I think your stomach can probably deal with them as fast as you throw them down.

0:16:31 Tom: I I really don't like I'm like fucking starving all the time. Yeah.

0:16:47 Eli: It's the thing where you dip cotton candy into water and you can just put infinite amounts and that's true of doritos in the human stomach ass

0:16:53 Thomas: But you start eating some fucking some, some nuts and other stuff like that. Okay, here's my snacking trick. You guys are gonna laugh. Here's my new snacking tip. Here is my new snack. Here I have a snacking trick that I genuinely Think is helping me a lot. Fucking. Yes. Yes. Fucking pickles. Dude, pickles. It's the best.

0:17:08 Eli: I use pickles pickles are my thing too yeah

0:17:10 Thomas: Oh, yes. Eli, it's the best.

0:17:09 Tom: I I ate a ton of pickles yeah I

0:17:13 Thomas: They are so filling like the full like.

0:17:13 Tom: Eat a ton of pickles

0:17:13 Eli: But is there anything more shameful than bringing home the jar of pickle hey you want a million dollar idea pack pickles in any other container except the world's most fragile and health and and fucking heavy water bucket they're like oh yeah and here's a five gallon jug of pickles don't clink it gently against your car seat or it'll explode and your Your car will smell like pickles forever.

0:17:26 Thomas: Shame jar. Yeah. Yeah, it is weird forever for the rest of your life. Yeah that's I'm loving that and it feels healthier. You're getting the fluids from them. Pickles are my secret.

0:17:47 Eli: And there's a fun thing, too, when you're losing weight. And so you eat too many pickles and your body's like, hey, man, did you eat a bunch of pickles? And you're like, yeah, no, it's good for me. And they're like cool. We're going to throw up because you had too many.

0:17:57 Thomas: You can't eat too much. Yep, yep. You can't too many.

0:18:00 Eli: That's salt water is what those are.

0:18:03 Thomas: And it's also so much fiber. It's so much fiber that your body's like, hey, I need to be able to fit like actual calories, some calories though.

0:18:09 Eli: See, now fiber is the thing you have to warn people about when they switch to veganism. So listeners will occasionally reach out and be like, I'm going vegan. And I, like a crazy person, I'm like, please do not quadruple your, because you accidentally quadrupole your fiber the minute you become vegan. And you're just like, hey, everything is leaving my body like they're exiting the Soviet Union.

0:18:30 Thomas: Or or it completely stops leaving your body if that's our diet podcast. I I don't remember what the, well, it's part of aging. And the only thing worse than a pickle jar breaking in your car is the auto ads.

0:18:36 Eli: Is Diet podcast. Getting age 20 minutes into the episode. Into it.

0:18:42 Tom: We yeah right

0:18:49 Thomas: Pedro, I got to see your Daryl deaths. So I, the time we have left, it is part of aging too, though. We have already kind of addressed that connection, but I kind of wanted to talk about aging a little bit. There's too many components to it, though, like I saw a couple of things on Reddit that that made me think of it. One was like this joke video or wait, who sent me, wait, did Eli send, sorry if Eli sent me. I don't remember, but it was a joke video where the dad was like, it was a dad or actually it didn't even look like a dad. It looked like a youngish guy, but whatever. It was a dad who was training in a gym. And he's like, you all think I'm trying to get fit for for health or for whatever, but really I'm getting fit because I need to make sure my son never beats me at any sport. I want to be a thousand years old. Yeah and I was like people were like reacting weird too I was like yeah I think that's funny honestly I don't know I think I thought it was a good look if he's serious in his intensity then yeah that's disturbing but if it's a joke it's a joke like sometimes people react like this is so fucking when you're like yeah he's exaggerating for a joke or he's not in which case you're right yes

0:19:27 Tom: I saw that. Yeah. Right.

0:19:44 Eli: Talks to each other on the internet like a surgeon doing an autopsy on a person who was killed by another surgeon. I noticed that the ventricle has been perforated by... Relax! Relax, it's a little joke. Some of me is a little goof on the Internet. Why don't you touch some grass?

0:19:56 Thomas: It's a funny goof yeah yeah and it just made me think too like I do you guys can laugh all you want I am very excited. Of all, I'm really excited for the day my kids beat me at a sport for real. I am actually like genuinely excited for that day.

0:20:15 Eli: I throw out a prediction? Throw out a projection? Remy. Gonna throw Remy out.

0:20:16 Thomas: They never will. Yes. Oh my God. Remy is, have I actually said this or is that just your intuition Eli? Because Remy, he might be my sports boy. He is already throwing a ball like more than the big kids. It's crazy. He's a sports dude.

0:20:19 Tom: It's going to be Remy.

0:20:24 Eli: That's my intuition from my heart. You were mentioning this yes

0:20:33 Thomas: Yeah. He's got an arm already. It's crazy.

0:20:33 Eli: He think if you tell him that there's orange slices afterwards that's going to be the push he needs to take it to the next level no remy all the orange slices he wants he just runs out there and side tackles someone you're like okay wrong sport that was baseball but you know what I like the spirit I like this spirit brought your own helmet

0:20:41 Thomas: Oh my God. That kid. He, is a specimen, man. He eats all day. He he's don't, he's dense. He I've said it before. He is the nibbler from Futurama. That's absolutely him. He, it's everything. And then he poops out a or whatever. That like the heaviest thing.

0:21:05 Eli: Plutone, you said this special.

0:21:06 Thomas: And, but he's not, I don't think he's like tall. I think he is just dense. It's funny. But anyway, he will be my sports kid. But I do, for this is not an intense pathological thing. For fun, I do love the idea, just for me, of trying to remain, my athleticism into my old age. And being able to play sports with the kids for a long time. Or just, you know, not like competitive, but like throw a ball, you can play golf or something.

0:21:31 Thomas: Whatever it is. Some activity with the kid. Kids ride my bike like a little lad maybe something

0:21:31 Eli: Because the strong dad. As someone who had the strong dad, it fucking rules having a strong. There's no better feeling as a kid than the other dads being like, Dave, we're moving the couch. And we were wondering, your dad has to be like, of course! And now that I've grown into the fucking hobbit, I have to be, like, yeah, do you want me to get on Craigslist and find someone I don't know

0:21:59 Thomas: You I thought you're gonna say oh you want me to get off the couch while you move it all right I

0:22:03 Eli: Fine right

0:22:06 Tom: I'll set my figs down, I guess, but.

0:22:09 Eli: Only got 10 minutes before I have to sit down again so whatever move quick I'll

0:22:13 Thomas: Better be fast you you better know exactly where you're moving it

0:22:16 Eli: Order you a task rabbit yeah

0:22:18 Thomas: Good I thought I was gonna make get roasted so hard by you for this one

0:22:21 Eli: You want I would love to be look I know no, I'm not going to be the strong dad. Here's, but he's crazy. So it's fine, right?

0:22:24 Thomas: We're not gonna be Tom Tom's the strong dad we know okay Okay.

0:22:29 Eli: Because here's the thing. No one wants to ask, no offense, Tom. No one want to ask Finn's dad for anything because that guy's a psychotic and you can, you can taste it in the air. There's no, if you have ever seen Thomas Curry stand still and have a normal chill standing time, you're like, that guy is going to tear everyone and everything in this building in it he looks like an alien has stuffed itself too quickly into a human

0:22:29 Tom: What am I? What? What are you talking about?

0:22:55 Thomas: He He still has a door stuck to his arm from the previous entry that he did that he forgot about.

0:22:59 Tom: That is not. What are You talking about with

0:23:02 Eli: He is destroyed so I guarantee you if you went to finn tomorrow and like finn take this recorder and tell them that my dad is going to come do some weight stuff and they want to they'll be like no man your dad will kill an elk with his bare hands in front of us if we go to your house

0:23:15 Thomas: So I'm never going to be that, but could

0:23:17 Tom: That? That's insane.

0:23:17 Eli: They all heard from the ben and jerry's guy they know um

0:23:23 Thomas: I be athletic dad? But nice.

0:23:25 Eli: You could be like keith's dad he's had a wiry dad right a wirly dad was fun because keith he tells this story very fondly like he he and his buddies were like lifting weights once and his dad just came and ripped out some absolutely insane reps because he had that wiry guy strength yeah old man strength you're

0:23:40 Tom: Old man strength. Yeah,

0:23:39 Thomas: That's me. Yeah, that's me a Well, Well, also, I've also just had like muscle, I don't know, density or something. I've always been strong for my size. So there's that, Dad, that's like doesn't look. We had a lot of those in the old Angels Camp, California, who worked construction. In the hot sun all day does make you thin. But then you have exactly the muscles you use for whatever thing.

0:24:02 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. And you're just like their forearms could fucking tear a house in half.

0:24:01 Eli: Just jerky yeah yeah

0:24:06 Tom: Because it's all like and tendon strength. It's like crazy wires. People are those those fucking workers. It's just made entirely out of like bungee cords and wires. That old man strength is nothing to fuck around with.

0:24:18 Eli: Yeah. My My dad group are all soft dads, which is really nice. We don't have a strong one and it makes me feel really good. Because Like once there's a strong dad in the mix, you feel the vibe get killed a little bit, right? Because, you know, everyone's at Home Depot and we're all filling out the the deliverie slip. And then Thomas is like, oh, I can just load it into the car. And then everyone has to be like, fine, I guess I can also load it into the card.

0:24:41 Eli: Yeah. Wait, you're pregnant, right. You're pretty nice. OK, good. I'm just making sure. Making sure. Tell Remy he gets unlimited orange slices. Oh, God!

0:24:39 Thomas: Come here lydia how

0:24:51 Tom: Like I to my dad about like my dad's 75 and

0:24:54 Thomas: Is he not older I sorry your dad should be 90 I don't understand how he's only 75

0:24:57 Tom: It should be he's 30 years older than me so 75 and like but 25 inside he still feels 25 outside the problem is he's trapped in a body that he did not take good care of so my dad is trapped in the body that like for years he just horribly abused his body he smoked like a chimney he drank nothing but pepsi he never drank water um he and worked physically worked all the time but like didn't do anything else to like take care of himself so his stress was too high his sleep was too low his he worked physically he smoked like crazy so when he started to fall apart he fell apart like very very very rapidly so in his early 50s he had a massive heart attack he barely survived it and he was never okay since then and so my like my dad was like a force of nature until the moment he wasn't. And then all of a sudden he completely collapsed and his hobbies fell apart. He couldn't woodwork anymore. He was very physically present person in my life. He would always be like, yeah, we'll just build one of those. Why would you buy something? You can just build. Just build one. You're just like, build whatever. And just, oh, we just fix that. No problem. We'll just do it ourselves and fix it and be done within an hour. And he would just do what he was incredible. And after that first heart attack, he really was never himself again. And that absolutely lit a fire under my ass that I was like, that's not happening to me. Not

0:25:19 Thomas: That's horrible that is so interesting interesting yeah yeah

0:26:16 Tom: If I can avoid it. Like, I can't, I watched him just fall apart because he feels 25, but he's trapped in a body that needs a chair to help him stand up. And it's, it's horrible for him.

0:26:24 Eli: This the hobbies of a quadriplegic, so that I'll always be prepared.

0:26:30 Eli: Any scenario, my life changes 0%. As long as I have neck up, I'm good. I

0:26:35 Thomas: They're not gonna be like well he used to play a mean magic the gathering but then when his when his knee went out that one yeah he's never the same

0:26:43 Tom: That's it. Did actually light a fire. When, I thought about that, as I got a little bit older and I really considered like, holy shit, like that could happen to me. That was when I lost weight the second time in my life and came down, you know, pretty dramatically in my own weight and was like, all right, I'm not gonna let that happen. Like I'm a hundred percent not going to allow that to happen. I had Finn at the time we did. Yeah. We both lost significant amount of weight. Both of us just didn't really even talk about it. It wasn't something we did together, but it happened to be something we were both doing at the same time. Yeah, we both lost like between the two of us. I lost in total just under 80 pounds in

0:27:01 Eli: And Cecil lost weight at the same time, too. There's no better description of you and cecil's friendship than you were both losing hundreds of pounds and didn't bother to mention it to the other one yeah

0:27:23 Thomas: I was gonna say

0:27:26 Tom: It wasn't something that like, it's funny because like, it wasn't, I wasn't like, I'm going to lose weight. I was like, I'm gonna get in shape. That's really what my, process my was. I Was like, I I don't really care about the weight loss itself. That's not important. Like the scale wasn't important, but I knew like, I wanted to be able to run. I wanted to be able to not hurt. I know, I wanted my body to do whatever I told it to fucking do without complaint and that was not going to happen at 300 pounds it just wasn't and so yeah it was it was a big deal and think one of my dad's big regrets is not having taken better care of himself because he can't can't do the things now that he's retired that he wants to do you know and I look at that and I think god damn I can't let that happen I can't I I dad's big dream his whole life, you know, growing up as he wanted to go on a fly in fishing tour in Canada. He wanted to be dropped off on one of those little airplanes with the pontoons or whatever, be dropped off in some remote lake in the middle of nowhere and go for a week and do that. And when I finally had a job and I had a little bit of money and I was like, hey, dad, we should do this. We can do this together. Wasn't in good enough health to be able to do the fly in part. He was too worried about being too far from an ambulance if something goes wrong, right?

0:28:34 Tom: He was just like I can't do it and so like that thing that he wanted his whole life is just like unaccessible and inaccessible so we ended up going to Canada we had a very nice trip but it was a very different trip than what he had originally wanted his full life I think about that kind of stuff like that's a motivating factor for me all the time I mean it's gotten to the point now where I like to work out and I do it for a lot of other reasons but you I'm super aware, too, of the example I'm setting for Finn, you know, on how to age well, you it's important. The same thing for Donovan. And Aislinn and Eamon are less enchanted by that sort of lifestyle than the other two. But what else can you do?

0:28:34 Eli: No it's there yeah amy you know what sonic the hedgehog does he runs yeah

0:29:13 Tom: You it's like it's even with Aisling, you know, we talk to her like you've got to get in the habit of moving your body like because I even at 13 I'm like god I don't want you to chase it in your 30s trying to chase that shit in your 30s it's so much fucking work it's so much work yeah yeah

0:29:30 Eli: And it's really tough to get tweens and teens active because it's the opposite of what they want to do all their whole life is about social right and all of social is sit still and hang out at the pizza like at best it's sit still and hang around my friends

0:29:41 Thomas: If they don't do sports I don't get how you would do it because like if if you're into sports as then then your friends are into sports you're doing sports together you're active together if you're NOT doing that I don't know how you WOULD ever do it it's impossible oh

0:29:55 Tom: Finn just likes to do it because he just wants to finn's is it really an interesting place where he's not saying it out loud but I'm watching the ways that he's deciding to emulate you kind of my life and and to and so he's he's like, yeah, dad works out. I want to work out.

0:30:07 Thomas: You got the junior ball shocker they make one for but

0:30:09 Eli: Death

0:30:11 Tom: We talk about what not to emulate. Believe me, we do talk about that too, but yeah, I'm 10 years older than you guys. And I, my age is something I think about all the time because I'm already planning for, like, I don't want to retire at 70. I Want to retire in my mid fifties. That's my goal.

0:30:24 Thomas: Well we've talked about the physical a little bit but now I want to ask this and this is I'm so sorry if this is uh offensive to any old people listening but there have been plenty of times in my life where for

0:30:36 Eli: Don't worry you said it quiet so they didn't hear you

0:30:38 Thomas: Where I'm in some situation probably a social situation or something and there is some old person who I don't know if this happens when you're older or if it's just things get, you or what. But it's a generational thing, but the level of unawareness socially sometimes where it's like, OK, this older this older person has just made this entire thing about them and they're like not understanding something. So they're stopping the entire, I it's been too long to think of a specific example, but hopefully that's semi familiar enough to you guys to where I have the thought. And I've had the conversation with my brother, like, is that something that has to happen? Like, is it that you get to an age where you just can't keep up with something? You don't understand shit. And you're you make everybody go at your pace in a selfish way. Way that's like, you know what I mean? Like I, yeah.

0:31:28 Eli: Your 60th birthday you just tell a story twice in a row and everyone everyone around you realizes it's happened I

0:31:34 Thomas: And you make them listen. Like you don't let them say like, it's too awkward. You know whatI mean? Have you been trapped in those situations? And I'm just like, can can I keep that mental acuity to where I'm, I have the sense to be like, oh, this is not a situation that I should be doing or whatever. You know I

0:31:41 Eli: I've been to atheist conventions thomas You know who's amazing at that? Amazing with that. Like, because I handle that so badly, right? And you really shouldn't, right, if a person over the age of, here's the thing, if a person, if you're a person who's over the age of 60 is talking to you, they this is from the heart. They're like, and that's when I said to Matilda, damn it, I love you. And I'm like, boo, boring, not like TikTok. So I always feel really shitty because the other problem I think, and And I do think this is a generational thing. I think their attention span is they used to just be like, well, this is less than 90 minutes, so I'll hear whatever you've got to say, friend. My goodness, I remember I used to have to watch the entire news before I used to get to watch a movie. So this is

0:32:00 Thomas: Disagree it depends on the age yeah yeah yep

0:32:35 Eli: Just a walk in the beach, this thing. But you know who's amazing at that? Noah and Lucinda illusions. I watch Noah and lucinda illusions and old people will come up to them at atheist conventions and they'll be like there's no god when I was 15 a pastor told me and I I'm gone I'm already I'm playing I'm it I'm not paying for anything I'm just paying for a phone game at full volume an inch from their face with my millennial attention span but noah and lucinda are so good at just maintaining that conversation and not if they're bored they don't show it which is really incredible and they don't turn to me afterwards and go like like that fucking guy. So I think they're actually not bored.

0:33:15 Eli: I think it's a listening capacity thing. At least for me. I won't say for anybody else. For me, I think I'm the problem. Will also say that like, am noticing that old person tendency of the repeating stories and the like centering and that thing with Anna. And more these days, I will start a story and I'll be like, wait, I've told you this, haven't I? And she's been like, yeah. And I'm like, God, I'm a fucking whore. But like, truly, I'm never more self-hating than when my beautiful wife, the center of my universe, I've like drawn her attention away from whatever beautiful art she's creating in her mind to once again say one of my stupid little cereal box facts. Because that's all I am. And the older I get, the more I'm like, you know, somebody Ramsey, if you listen to the background of the 911 call, you can hear the mom say, what did you do? And the it's same nine stories over and over and sometimes, this is the worst part, right? When you're an old person, you think it's going to be about you. You think it'll be about the time you went over fucking Mount Everest in a barrel, right, and then at least it'd be your story, but my shit is just like facts, right. It's just like, you know, Johnny Depp originally didn't take any money for the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. He took points on the first three and then they wouldn't give him points because it was more money than he could have asked for according to his after contract and they're like oh that's fun I could see that on a movie screen sometime while I was waiting that's what I'm

0:34:40 Eli: Terrified of is that I just become the banal millennia trivia that has made up my brain

0:34:45 Tom: Do you ever tell anna like shit she's told you back to her I do this to hayley all the time I'll be like so this thing that thing and she'll be like yeah I told you that and I'm like I just want to make sure you remembered it I mean I do

0:34:58 Thomas: Am so sensitive to that that I will I think look in my old age and traumatic year I have gotten worse at remembering who I've told what I used to be the, because again, my entire family's currency was not doing that, was not telling the same story was not like, I can't, it was almost like a religion for us was if you told the same joke twice, the entire family would ridicule you like, Oh, you, you already said that you're trying to get another, like, so we're so sensitive to that kind of thing over the years, my mind hasn't retained the ability as much to remember all that. And so like, Like I've gotten worse, but I still haven't gotten to the point where I've told Lydia a thing that she told me not having any idea. Maybe I've got a couple of words in, but like that I would die. I would I would genuinely go cremate myself.

0:35:45 Tom: It all the times because

0:35:45 Eli: Constantly I

0:35:46 Tom: Do all the time because all I remember is that I know a thing I have no idea where I learned it from

0:35:49 Eli: Know a thing And I love you. You're my best friend. Why would I not tell you the thing I know? Look, there's an airplane. I have a fact about an airplane It doesn't matter that I've said it 97 times to you because we spent the last two decades together. Airplane fact.

0:36:05 Tom: And she'll be like yeah I fucking told you that last week and I'll be like well I remembered it and there awesome

0:36:11 Eli: Maybe this is just a millennial thing, you send dem an Instagram reel that they sent you.

0:36:16 Tom: I've yeah thankfully I don't do send people stuff very often but I have sent hey I it's so funny because I've maybe sent 10 things in the last six months and I think I've sent two of the things hailey sent me back to herself like I never send anything and I'm like well here's something them I liked and she's like I said I'm like well it's something I liked I liked it enough that's exactly it I was like I knew you would like it I

0:36:16 Thomas: That's a yeah. Oh, man. Oh,

0:36:33 Eli: Well, I liked it. And you're my favorite person, And so who would I send it to? I look, I'm friends with Heath. So there's obviously going to be a disbalance, but like I send the people in my life memes, Tom and Thomas experience this, right? I just send memes and I send TikToks and I sent stuff and it's a lot. It's a I know it's, but there's worse feeling in the world when you have a friend who's not an internet person and you have sent them 475 tiktoks in the last 37 minutes and then you see them in person and your like and you remember all of them because you're on the screen and you're like like the bulldog right and they're like oh I I didn't watch that and then you have to be like because here's what happens here in your head you're and you like because they were living their life. That's why.

0:37:12 Thomas: You You're insane. Yeah. Well, Well, hey, Eli, if it makes you feel any better, it's because I clicked on it and it showed me a different ticket. Doc than you sent. And I don't understand it. I'm a boomer now. I don't know why that would possibly happen. Why would I click on a link that you send and it shows me not that? How is it even fucking possible with the ones and zeros? I DON'T GET IT!

0:37:39 Eli: I the idea that me and Thomas's friendship is fundamentally different because he has never seen any of the TikToks I've sent him.

0:37:47 Thomas: And I DONT KNOW which ones I've seen and I haven't because I think sometimes it DOES show me the ones.

0:37:50 Eli: Eli just sends me recipes.

0:37:53 Thomas: But here's the thing. Okay, you know how we have that thing? I think all three of us were like, okay, yeah, this is perhaps some unhealthy attitude that we have. But is it though, you know, that thing where like, yeah, but also, you know it's, it's maybe it's no, not that one. That's, that's definitely very bad, but okay.

0:38:07 Eli: Shouldn't apologize. Exactly. I disagree.

0:38:12 Thomas: But our version of that, where

0:38:12 Eli: I a lot of people on the Facebook group Rupa Green with old Eli Buzz.

0:38:17 Thomas: Part of me has the feeling that if somebody tells me something that I told them, or if I tell somebody something that they told me and I am not aware of of it, that means I don't care about them at all and don't listen to anything that they say. And that is still present in my mind. And I think it's not entirely wrong. And Lydia, bless her soul, I think picked up on this from a very, very early time in our relationship. I don't think she's ever done that. I think she's incredibly good at recognizing that if ever repeated a thing that I told her as though I didn't tell her it, my entire soul would say, oh, so you don't listen to anything I say and you don't care about our relationship in any way, shape or form. Okay. And she's never done that. I'm just realizing this may be slightly unhealthy, but I I think.

0:39:05 Eli: See, I'm just a golden retriever. My wife could repeat the same story four times and I'd be like, it's pretty. Talking.

0:39:15 Eli: She'll sometimes be like... Have I told you this story? And I'll be like no, but she has. But I just like her. I just like her and I like that she's...

0:39:22 Eli: I just Like that she's talking to me. Also because like I know she's got a good punchline. I don't want to ruin her bit. That's the other problem too is that a lot of my shit is bits. So when someone has has to tell Grandpa Eli, oh, no, I know, you shat yourself at the bar mitzvah. To I've wind down from my bit. Is there anything sadder than me being like, and so, oh, you've heard, okay. Well, I'll just fucking die.

0:39:21 Tom: You just you just don't let on

0:39:45 Thomas: Die.

0:39:46 Eli: I guess I'll jut fade away like Bing Bong, won't I? I guess old Grandpa Bing Bong will just fade away, just fade out of existence, and you can have real memories that matter.

0:39:58 Tom: Curious, are you guys more worried about being forgetful old man or the irascible old man, like grouchy like the easily like annoyed grouchie yeah right yeah because

0:40:03 Thomas: What? Oh, define that for the audience. Well, I am already that, right? I mean, let's be real. That's already who I am. So, hmm.

0:40:13 Tom: This, which is probably not right at all and I don't, and this is certainly not accurate, but I have to say I have a theory that like it doesn't seem to happen to women. Right, as women age they do not at the same level become just like they hit a certain age and they just became permacranky. This seems to happen to like men, like a lot. And I have this idea that it's because like our testosterone drops to next to nothing as we get older, right? So, like, it kind of falls off a cliff at a certain point in our life. And maybe this is totally bullshit. I have no idea. But, is my bigger worry. More than being forgetful. Like, I don't mind if I'm, like... Cheerful and forgetful... If I'm like, yeah, I'm having a great day. I'm cheerful. I'm my normal, cheerful, pleasant self. But I don' t remember if I told you this story. Because, like.. Maybe you don't remember if I told you the story either. That's fine.

0:41:03 Tom: But I do not want to become the fucking lousy grump. Who's like.. yeah fucking goddamn kids. It just, it's so common, it's so common among dudes and I am so worried about that, yeah oh

0:41:14 Thomas: You I proffer a theory, Tom? And I'm sure many, including a patron who I think quit our show because Eli is sexist against men or something. That was hilarious. Think and this is, again, societally, men get to be the main character, especially historically. Only men were the fucking main character. And could it be that it's harder as you age as a man to go from, hey, I'm the main main character. Everything's about me because I'm a man. Society loves me. Great. And then you get a little older and then you become not the main character and you are not fucking used to not being the main characters in life. And it's harder to deal with that fall. What do you think?

0:41:26 Tom: My god yeah

0:41:55 Eli: Oh, Oh, 100%. Yeah culture

0:41:57 Thomas: Was my dad.

0:41:58 Eli: Already feel it my students will talk so I'm teaching um high schoolers right now uh because I did a bunch of workshops for the end of the summer um and so I taught at some performing arts high schoolers and I did a thing where I was like so who are your favorite actors y'all I recognized like a name and a half they were like I love squoots hamil spap he's on pebo you gotta download it on the skib skib app and I was just like like I am filled with rage.

0:42:27 Eli: What did I say? I was like, this I is exactly what it is because I give an assignment where I talk about like performances that defy expectations. I promise this matters. Of the examples that I give is Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs because I'm like, yeah, you expect this cannibal, right? And then he plays this character. And I was, like, how many of you have seen that movie? And none of them had seen the movie.

0:42:46 Eli: And then one of my kids looks down at their phone and goes, oh, oh, that's a movie from the 1970s. And I was like, fuck you, or whatever era it was. But he said it like a decade. He didn't say it like, oh, it's a great movie. He was just like, oh ,that is one of the movies from the 1900s.

0:42:55 Thomas: That's from the eighties. Yeah, yeah. In the silent era. Yeah, like

0:43:06 Eli: In the year 1984 is when that movie, and I was, like, you all fucking, I'm gonna drive a car.

0:43:07 Tom: That was from all right

0:43:13 Thomas: 19, that might even be 1991 or something, wasn't it? When was that? Of the lambs.

0:43:18 Eli: Well, it was long to that. Whatever they I didn't like the way he said the year but yeah I think that's exactly what it is I think it's that you're not the main character anymore now tom can I tell you my secret to not becoming a cranky old man um am a cranking person inside and from the moment I was born I've had to my true crankiness thomas I feel like you understand this as well my first Worst impulse is get off my lawn, but just it's been that way since I was three, so I think I'll have it under control for all time.

0:43:21 Thomas: 1991. Yeah, I was right. Yeah. Yeah.

0:43:51 Tom: Wait wait wait a minute you think you're gonna have it under control because you've always had it under under control that's your theory

0:43:55 Eli: I've always had it under controlled.

0:43:56 Thomas: Or does your age remove your ability to keep the chill?

0:43:58 Tom: Like

0:43:59 Eli: That's what it is. You just lose your chill.

0:44:02 Thomas: Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. Oh, wow.

0:44:04 Tom: A whole thing like is a whole thing on like clinic's website called irritable male syndrome it's it's an actual thing that as men get older they get crankier and I I was joking like is I some correlation it seems like there is some relation to like irritable male syndrome and low testosterone that's like a real like correlation but like it still still like gonna happen like you gotta guard against that shit I be fucking terrified if I just was like yeah like uh you're married to a pretty cheerful upbeat person now you're not now I'm old now I'm JUST AN ASS

0:44:35 Eli: That's the worst, is the lady who very clearly had a husband, and now she has a fucking badger. Right?

0:44:41 Thomas: Yep. Yep.

0:44:42 Eli: Comes in, and she's the sweetest. I don't know, like all the kindness leaked out of his side of the bed and into her. Because she always comes with like a lace kerchief over her hand. And she was like, I was at the funeral of a puppy this morning. And her husband's like, and I wait in the car the whole time. And you're just like, oh, Jesus.

0:44:59 Thomas: Yeah. And the men stop socializing so the women can almost have like this separate life, you know, and then it's like you see their husband.

0:44:59 Tom: Because like yeah Yeah.

0:45:04 Eli: They do. And you meet one

0:45:06 Thomas: You're like, oh, yeah.

0:45:06 Eli: Of their husbands. Yeah, because, you know, Mrs. Fuppence. Mrs. Fuppance is great. She goes down to the church bake every year and she brings her Kimmsnabums. And then you meet Mrs. Fuppence's husband and he's just dressed as Hitler and you're like gentlemen before we go, the inventor of the throat lozenge died this week there will be no coffin at his funeral sure

0:45:43 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

0:46:22 Eli: I'm a married man doctor not fat for o zempic I would love I think I love squoots hamil spap he's on pebo you gotta download it on the skib skib app and