DOD236: Find You a Woman Who Hates Men?

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's two -thirds going to QED. I'm Tom Curry, and I'm not, but I'm joined by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick, who are... Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:34 Thomas: Yeah,

0:00:40 Eli: Tom, we can't define ourselves by the things we're doing that you're not. That means the intro would take up the whole show. The podcast that goes out to eat sometimes, the podcast that's allowed to touch grass without getting a rare parasite dropped by a Chinese spy plane. You need to come up with things more specific, Tom.

0:00:50 Thomas: Not often.

0:00:59 Tom: That's true. That is true. You guys don't smile, do you? Like, you're not, like, happy.

0:01:04 Eli: Rarely.

0:01:05 Tom: Okay, good. All right. I just want to make sure.

0:01:04 Thomas: Yeah, yeah.

0:01:06 Eli: I medicate myself up to the occasional smile.

0:01:06 Thomas: You picked a bad example. Yeah. What?

0:01:09 Tom: Yeah, good. Yeah, I kind of pin one. They call it a rictus. I think it's more of a rictus than it is a smile.

0:01:13 Eli: Ooh, I call that the Zing Zing the monkey smile.

0:01:16 Tom: Whoa, that's got a very, is that a, is this an Italian brain rot thing? No? Are you sure?

0:01:19 Eli: So no, it's not. This is one of my favorite TikTok monkeys. So she is a monkey first of all, she's a queen, so yeah

0:01:26 Tom: Wait a minute. Did you say one of your favorite TikTok monkeys? Like you have a lot of, I

0:01:28 Eli: I mean, she has top five

0:01:30 Thomas: We've heard him talk about, just on this show, we know about several TikTok monkeys, I feel like.

0:01:35 Eli: Yes, I come with my full heart, full of monkeys.

0:01:38 Tom: Feel like monkeys come up on this show more often than I would have anticipated when we began this show.

0:01:42 Eli: Really interesting. I'm surprised that you're surprised. I'm not surprised at the monkeys. I'm surprising you're suprised. We understand. Yeah. So Zing Zing the monkey, she is a donkey that lives in a, like, a small town that has a monastery attached to it, and she was hurt by a trap when she was very young, and so the monastery took her in and they feed her, and she's a full-bodied queen, if you know what I'm saying, and she's very photogenic. People come from all over the country to, to see

0:01:49 Tom: Okay, that's fair. Yeah, give me, give me Zing Zing the monkey.

0:01:49 Thomas: I want to hear about whatever the smile was. Those bastards.

0:02:08 Tom: Smile. Just a full-bodied queen. Oh

0:02:10 Eli: Her, and one of the reasons why people come to see her is that, so monkeys show aggression by baring their teeth, but It looks like she's doing an office smile. You know that thing where You're walking down a hall and another person's walking down the hall and you go like, I'm not allowed to scream, dear God, kill me, so you just pull your cheeks backward in a rictus of human life. She does that and you realize we're just like, we're four genes away from her, 'cause every time a fucking Taurus comes up and is like, let me feed you a banana, she does like a, good to see you, Carol, how are your kids. It's the fucking

0:02:10 Thomas: What the fuck? Oh my God.

0:02:22 Tom: Yeah.

0:02:43 Thomas: Wow, wow, that's

0:02:46 Eli: Best She has recently started attacking people, much like all of society is broken down, so too have Zing Zing's walls, and what's amazing is now her village and the the only reason people come there is to see Zing Zing the monkey is just plastered in signs that are like, Zing, Zing. The monkey fucking hates you. Please don't approach her or she'll attack you. It's the best.

0:02:48 Tom: Of Course.

0:03:04 Tom: Sure, I have this thing where, like, when the animals start attacking, like, you know, like the orcas have started sinking boats, and, like, I could not be more team orca. Like, every time I read one of those stories, we're like, yeah, orcas!

0:03:08 Thomas: Funny. Wow.

0:03:14 Eli: Yeah.

0:03:18 Thomas: It's like a three-year-old story that's where Tom is, occasionally it gives me an idea of where Tom is in the time

0:03:24 Eli: Yeah.

0:03:20 Tom: No, they keep doing it. They keep doing it. They keep sinking yachts. Yeah, they keep syncing

0:03:24 Thomas: Continuum. No, they do. It is. You actually talked to a whale expert on Sio about it, and she was like, yeah, it's mainly just like coincidence that people, because I am also rooting for the whales, and I was, I was really hoping she'd be like, yeah, they're communists, they've had a meeting

0:03:39 Eli: It's crazy. It's socialist.

0:03:40 Tom: Yachts. No.

0:03:40 Thomas: They're, it's antifa. Yeah.

0:03:41 Eli: They all got a copy of the communist manifesto and it made a lot of sense to them.

0:03:43 Thomas: Yeah, I was really hoping it'd be that she was like, well, it's kind of just like, occasionally the, you know, some asshole gets close and they kill the boat. Like, oh Okay, can't you scientists just say something good? Then maybe that's why we defunded

0:03:54 Tom: That's not, so I

0:03:54 Eli: Ah, ruin it. Yeah. That's the kind of skepticism that always bums me out. It's like Coco, the gorilla. Yeah.

0:03:58 Tom: Yeah.

0:04:00 Thomas: You, yeah. What? Oh, the, wait, which one? The sign language one? Yeah, yeah.

0:04:03 Tom: Oh, the, the one that could sign language, gorilla.

0:04:05 Eli: Sign language gorilla. It's not real. And then whenever you talk about Coco, Coco? Coco's not real. She's a magic trick.

0:04:07 Tom: What do you mean it's not real? What do you mean? Wait a minute, hold on a second, slow the fucking train down, because you're breaking my fucking Coco heart live on air right now. You're

0:04:17 Eli: This is exactly what I'm

0:04:19 Thomas: Yeah, that's why everyone hates us.

0:04:19 Eli: About to say. This Is Why It's So Upsetting is Coco was a magic trick. Her trainers would signal to her what signs she was supposed to make. She was just them doing a magic trick at people. I know.

0:04:27 Tom: A magic trick. God damn it. Our next thing, you're going to tell me, is that horse that stomps its hooves that can't actually do math. It's God damnit.

0:04:34 Eli: I know, right? No!

0:04:35 Thomas: My favorite one was, this is I don't think this gets shared as much now, but this feels like an early internet one. Was, they asked this monkey about climate change, do you remember that one? It'd be this video, they're like, they asked the sign-language monkey. It might have been a different one, because I don' know if this is that same original one still alive. They asked about climate change. No, it's literally just a meme video. It was literally just a mean video. And I always thought it was so fucking funny. Cause like what insight, you know, cause they do the sign language and then I'm sure it's roughly translating into like, Oh, care for our environment or something. It's like, what do you think a gorilla is going to tell us about climate? Like, it'S just so fucking stupid.

0:04:47 Tom: Wait, what? Was this an SNL skit? This feels like an SNL's skit and not a good one.

0:05:14 Tom: Yeah, the global perspective of the gorilla is not something I'm, like, keen to get here. Fucking, what does a tree taste like is a good question.

0:05:20 Thomas: Yeah. I'm guessing the gorilla is gonna be like, Oh no, don't. Who is that? Who's that convincing that isn't already convinced?

0:05:23 Tom: Yeah.

0:05:25 Eli: Now, when you say carbon output, what the fuck are you talking about?

0:05:34 Thomas: Did you say carbon output? What are you talking about? Oh, out foot. Yeah.

0:05:35 Eli: I meant output. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:05:34 Tom: He did say carbon output. No, output.

0:05:38 Eli: Output. Yeah.

0:05:39 Thomas: Oh, and you combined it with footprint, I think. I like that. Okay.

0:05:41 Eli: Yeah, exactly. He's just signing, do you know how many concepts I would have to understand to care about climate

0:05:48 Thomas: Yeah, it's the equivalent of that family joke where the guy's like, he's like you speak English? No, just that sentence in this one explaining it. What?

0:05:56 Tom: I actually love that. That's great.

0:05:56 Thomas: Okay. It's such a good joke. It's like the monkey learned enough to be like, do you know how many concepts I'd have to understand? That's it.

0:06:03 Eli: Change. But, gentlemen, do you know the only thing worse than bringing a monkey's attention to climate change? Why, it's the auto ads.

0:06:09 Thomas: Shattering Tom's dreams about the monkey.

0:06:12 Tom: Fucking had one thing to be happy about. Thank you.

0:06:14 Thomas: This is the one thing Tom still had.

0:06:14 Eli: The auto adds, the climate change of your podcasting experience. If people didn't want so much money, they wouldn't have been here, it would have been fine. But greedy, greedy capitalists like the Smiths inserted these podcast ads, and there's no way to get them out. Scientists have moved the podcast doomsday clock another minute forward in the saddest nerd action they ever do a year to tell you, you have to head to patreon.com forward slash God Awful Movies and, and pledge as little as a dollar to help keep this show going. And also, you get a commercial -free version of every single show, plus bonus episodes, monthly bonus episodes. All sorts of fun. You can get it all over at patreon .com forward slash dear old dads. As that monkey said of the hole in the ozone, rip into it.

0:06:36 Thomas: I disagree.

0:06:45 Tom: You know we

0:07:13 Ad: [Ad break 1 — ad music]

0:07:15 Tom: Don't do often enough, gentlemen, is discover and play and discuss TikToks. Feel like we should have more TikTok and tiktak related content, mostly because Thomas Smith, I know you love the audio quality, and I know nothing makes you happier than playing the audio quality.

0:07:25 Thomas: I think we do enough of that.

0:07:27 Eli: Yeah,

0:07:32 Thomas: No, this was about, this was about just sheerly not being able to listen to this fucking person. Okay. We're doing this TikTok. I'm glad we're doing it. Great topic or something. I don't know. We'll see. But I was like, like, oh, let me check this out to see. And I can't, when I watch TikToks like this, which is never, I'm like, I're not part of this society. Whatever, whatever society this is, like am I on a different planet or they are? Cause I just am so far away. Is this just me? Like I see that. Well, okay. We'll play. Why don't we play it?

0:08:00 Tom: Yeah, let's play it. Yeah.

0:08:00 Thomas: Should I hit play? This is a good point. I'm sorry. I don't want to have to do it, but I will hold on. Let me, let Me also, it's the worst interface possible. So you can't get the beginning of the video.

0:08:00 Eli: You didn't explain. They don't know what the TikTok.

0:08:09 Clip: Who hates all men

0:08:11 Thomas: Got to try again. Here we go. Can I, I unmute it? What

0:08:14 Clip: You're a guy who can find a girl Who hates You're set You are literally set for life Because these girls Everybody's like, all these guys are like like, oh, I hate these girls who hate all men. No, no, no. You're playing it wrong. That's the thing. All these girls, who hate on men, they're going to find one man that they love, that they want to take care of, that they cherish, that want to be super kind to, super sweet, everything like that. But the thing is, all the other guys are like, no, I don't want to give you the time of day. A guy walks up to her, she's like, nope. Boom! Right to the face. K.O. first round, five Five seconds, it drops from there. But that's the thing is, she will turn around and look at you and be like, oh my gosh, sweetie, I love you so much, I'm so happy you're here, and give you a bunch of

0:08:33 Thomas: Is what is that? I'm gonna leave while this goes This is not real.

0:08:57 Tom: Yeah, what?

0:09:07 Thomas: This is nothing.

0:09:09 Clip: Kisses. Yes, yes, I want that immediately. Give it to me now, please.

0:09:15 Thomas: I want to die from having watched that. I can't. Jeez.

0:09:22 Tom: Do you

0:09:18 Eli: I call this TikTok, uh -oh, my kink is an open preference. Here's the thing. If you want a girl to step on your nuts in the privacy of your own bedroom, I don't believe you should be allowed to vote like the little spoon men out there, but it's perfectly fine. It's legal, right? You can do it. The problem is we've just all pointed cameras at our fucking faces like the insane zombies without grass that we are. And so whenever anyone's fucking half limp dick twitches, they go, I got to tell the world about it. The idea of women who hate all men is such an online concept, right? This is someone who literally looked at a Facebook post of someone talking about other people talking about saying that men are trash, and they were like, well, that's a real kind of woman, and yum yum yum, mommy, I love it. Like, could there be a better example of how the internet has turned us all into babbling idiots then I am reacting with my kink to a version of women that I heard about on the internet? Oh

0:09:37 Thomas: Yeah. Mm. -hmm. Oh.

0:10:12 Tom: Mean

0:10:22 Thomas: I don't, I have a different take. I don't think this, I wish, I wish your take were right. I wish this were about this guy's king. I think this is a, like, toxic male, like, they won't give any other man attention. So it's like, like he likes that part of it, not the, like, 'cause he's saying that the woman will be nice to him. I think it's about, like, find you a woman that doesn't even look at other men. I think that's just one of those stupid things.

0:10:45 Eli: No.

0:10:46 Thomas: Isn't it? Yeah.

0:10:43 Tom: Yeah. Oh, okay. Then That's funny because, let's, let's go three bears, because I took this on its face. I actually know a fair number of women that are like, yeah, I don't really like or trust men. I know a fair number of women that are like, for the most part, I'm not real interested in having male friendships. I've been burned too many times by that. Hayley's a great example. She is not somebody that, like, is, yeah, she's not a fan of men in general.

0:11:06 Thomas: She's not a fan of two thirds of this podcast. I think just to take a sample size.

0:11:11 Tom: Yeah. I think in terms of, like, having, like, friends or casual relationships, sure. But, like, when she and I first met, she was not real interested in necessarily having a long-term relationship. That's for sure. The nanny that worked for us for a long time, not a fan of men. A lot of her friends not a fan of men in general. I think this also speaks to the sort of like broader opting-out culture that a lot, like, hetero fatalism, which is a trending sort of concept among specifically younger women who are looking out into the dating world and saying, yeah, I'm actually gonna opt out of that because dudes right now are pretty awful. I don't think that this speaks to nothing. So

0:11:12 Eli: Yeah.

0:11:30 Thomas: Yeah.

0:11:47 Thomas: Well, I love that. Do you think this guy is talking about that though? I don't think this guy's talking about it, but I agree with everything you said about

0:11:55 Tom: I guess what, what struck me as interesting is that I think that, like like, if I were to take the most charitable reading of this, I kind of agree with it. The most charitable rating would be, be the exception. If you are wildly the exception to the norm, then those women who have sworn off men, some number of those women will see that exceptionalism in you, right? So the problem is, like, most dudes are very much of a type. I really feel like that's the case. I don't know what the fuck it is with dudes, but, like, most dudes are just of a type.

You meet a guy and you're like, fucking, I've met a hundred people that rhyme with you. Like I fucking know exactly what you're all about. The differences between you and the other you and the other fucking you that I just met, they're so minor they don't even matter, you know what I mean? It's like a fucking Taylor Swift song, they all kind of sound the same and you either like it or you don't. It's the same thing with so many dudes that, at least I've met in my life, where I'm like, yeah, you fucking rhyme with that other kind of guy, like, you're just the category of person. And yeah.

0:12:32 Thomas: Yeah.

0:12:49 Thomas: Especially The younger you are, I do feel that, where it's like, if you're talking to a girl who's like super into the other 23-year-old dudes around, then it's like, oh, maybe you're dumb or something, I don't know, because they

0:13:04 Tom: Do You know what I mean though? It's like, it's like you can pretty quickly meet somebody, and it's not entirely untrue of women too. Like, it is true of just people in general. Like, it, you can find people and be like, oh, I know what slot to put you in. You just fucking pick them up and put them in the slot, and like, generally speaking, yeah, you'll fit mostly. So, like, I think if you meet women who are like, I'm fucking done with dudes, but you manage to sort of woo a woman who's done with dudes, that's a win for you, man. That's just

0:13:04 Eli: No. It's true of everybody, yeah.

0:13:32 Eli: It's so tricky too, because it's like, I think you can agree with the meme while understanding that the practicality of that is unhealthy, and that, like, it's never clear when we're having that conversation what percentage is meme versus what percentage is, like, an unhealthy dismissal of half of human beings. Because, like, the meme, men are trash, all for it, girl, queen, like, yas girl, slay, men are cash, throw them in there. But then you'll have a conversation with someone who says that, and, like, you're, what you're communicating is, like, a shared communal pain and the problems of patriarchy and just how awful, like, anti-feminism and misogyny has become in this country.

Like, you think you're speaking the shared language, and then someone's like, like, no, actually, I hate all men, and you have to do this weird fucking pivot in the conversation because a person's just been like, I'm in psychosis, and you have to be like, oh no, I thought we were doing fun internet speak. You You don't, you don't do that, do you? And here's what makes it even harder. When someone takes that right turn, 99 % of the time, they're fucking lying.

0:14:13 Thomas: Are, mm -hmm.

0:14:39 Eli: They're just so committed to the meme that they won't, like, break the bit. So you were having fun, right? You were like, yes, girl boss, throw them in the trash, light them on fire, swag. I hate being bisexual because it means I'm attracted to 50% trash, toot toot. And, like, again, I fucking love that shit. All fun in the sun, and then you'll be like, and someone will be like, no, I'm serious, and then you've got to be like, you're ruining it Stop ruining it, right?

0:15:09 Thomas: Yeah.

0:15:11 Eli: You know what it reminds me of? You know, it reminds you, remember when Charlie Kirk got shot in the neck and we were all like, yeah, he got shot in the neck in the middle of giving a bullshit Right-wing answer about gun gun violence, right? And then someone was like, hey everybody, say how you really feel about political violence right now, be very serious and talk about how you feel about murdering other people. And it's like, you piece of shit, you stand up in the middle of movies and be like, don't worry everybody, this horror movie's not real, it's just images projected on a screen, because they want everybody to fucking fucking get in line and bow. I think violence is wrong.

0:15:11 Tom: A Wait, he

0:15:15 Thomas: Oh yeah, that was Great transphobic stupid shit. Yeah. Yeah.

0:15:41 Thomas: Yeah.

0:15:53 Eli: The thing we all learned in fucking third grade, it's the opposite of that. Right. And look, we've had that with the Charlie Kirk conversation too, which is that we, someone would stand up and they'd be like, everyone's saying violence is bad. And we'd be Like, violence is Bad. And then one grassless piece of shit would be like Hey everybody. It's me, the anarchist. I've never read a book with that word in it. And I'm here to tell you that I actually think violence is great and I really, really mean it. And then fucking Judgy McJudgerson up at the front who's making us do our little dance about how bad violence is, is like, you see, you're all him. And it's like, I don't fucking know that dude. I've never met that dude, I think that dude's probably fake.

0:15:54 Thomas: Yeah. It's so dumb.

0:16:40 Eli: I think he's a Russian spy making himself up. That's what I hate about this conversation is like even the conversation about, like, women who hate men, you have to be like, I mean, are we talking about the people who are in mean speak who are having a good time and talking about the problems of, you know, misogyny in this country, or are we talking about the absolute drooling lunatics who are like, no, actually 50 percent of genes result in evil, like the Slytherins being popped out at fucking Hogwarts, and you You got to be like, OK, well, you should go to an emergency room for medical care. And this dude is reacting to that culture with dating tips.

0:16:40 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:17:22 Thomas: We should have this discussion because it's more interesting, but I firmly believe this guy means this in the sense of, he might as well be saying find you a woman who won't talk to other men, who won'T have men as friends. That's how he means it, because it'S like

0:17:23 Tom: Did Yeah.

0:17:33 Eli: Right.

0:17:35 Tom: See, I didn't even pick that, I genuinely am so stupid, I didn' didn't even pick up on that. I look, Thomas

0:17:37 Eli: I didn't get it either.

0:17:37 Thomas: Look at him! Look at his stupid fucking face!

0:17:41 Eli: You can't make me.

0:17:41 Thomas: You don't think that's what he means? Means, it's absolutely what he means.

0:17:43 Eli: I'm the president.

0:17:44 Thomas: What? Yeah, for

0:17:45 Tom: Smith, it's so funny because, like, not only did I not pick up that, which I did not, and I also think, yeah, you're probably right, you know, so like, I'll grant both of those things, but it's still funny too because that then throws a wrench in my sort of like very charitable, like, hey, like, be the exception, be, you know, like, if you are the exception to the rule and you're not this of a type piece of shit that, like, is like, women are like, yeah, I fucking choose the bear, like, yeah, all right, cool, this is exactly the sort of, like, he's basically saying, like, yeah, be the same kind of boring, toxic, insecure, shitty

0:17:47 Eli: I'mthe president.

0:18:18 Thomas: Sure.

0:18:18 Tom: Version of everything that people are rejecting in mass, and you're just like, all right, that actually defeats its own purpose, that's Ouroboros shit, man, that's eating its own fucking tail. Yeah.

0:18:26 Thomas: Yeah, he just talks about, like, find, he doesn't say be anything, he just says find a woman who's not going to talk to other men, is all he's saying, that's all he

0:18:35 Tom: Jesus.

0:18:36 Eli: So much more depressing than my version where he's just like, find a woman who will let you lick her feet. Yeah.

0:18:37 Thomas: Said. Yeah, yeah, that's nowhere in the text. I don't know, that's just you, you're just, you're bringing that whole cloth, because he's like, oh, she's so nice to me, she's amazing to me, she hates all the other men.

0:18:48 Tom: Christ, that's, that's, yeah.

0:18:59 Ad: [Ad break 2 — ad music]

0:19:00 Thomas: But we could have the more interesting conversation, but I just want to say to your point earlier, Tom, like, the worst of the internet is this. Obviously it's a boring point we make over and over, but it occurred to me that, like, historically we've always had the problem, and I don't know that's always, I'm not saying it's always a problem in every case, but there's the problem of, like, well, there are people who are famous because they look good, and then sometimes they have opinions that are really stupid, you know, like that's just a problem we have where it's like, why are we listening to this person? They look amazing, but that's it.

But people give them this, like, unearned sense of genius because of how they look, and I realized with TikTok that's now just times infinity. It was one thing when it was like some celebrities and you get, like, a Jane Fonda, you'd be like, actually, you know, she's good looking and she's making great point, you know, whatever. Now it's just like any fucking doofus who can look amazing, has nice hair, and, like, can have some amount of, like, charisma and how they talk can just have a channel with hundreds of thousands, whatever, and they say the dumbest fucking bullshit ever, and people, I guess, listen to it because of how they look, but it's everywhere. It's so many people now.

0:20:07 Eli: I mean, like, I don't want to use myself as the example. Right. But I think sometimes it's because I'm so good looking.

0:20:10 Thomas: Yeah, you're like, this, he's so good looking and that's the only reason anyone listens to

0:20:14 Tom: Right, yeah.

0:20:14 Eli: That's true, but I think sometime about the fact of how much more influential Andrew Tate is than Thomas Smith, and what a better world it would be if those numbers were reversed. Like, Thomas is so thoughtful and so empathetic and genuinely wants to know what's true and genuinely want to challenge his beliefs, and I mean a 100th of a fraction of boxer man punch rapist. There is no number that that shows How improperly those two audiences.

0:20:21 Thomas: Him. Yeah.

0:20:44 Tom: Yeah.

0:20:42 Thomas: Yeah, it's not even on the same, they can't do the math of how much bigger the audience is. Yeah,

0:20:48 Eli: But I also wonder, like, is it possible that you can't have a certain size audience without being a giant piece of shit at this point in history?

0:20:55 Thomas: I think that's true. I think that's truth.

0:20:57 Eli: I certainly don't know anybody who has a tremendous audience who doesn't at least make room for massive pieces of shit in their audience. Or they're part of legacy media, so it's not their fault that massive pieces of shit are part of their audience. Like, I think there are probably some, like, opinion columnists for the New York Times who are genuinely leftist, don't take any time to, like, open up to the right. But the only reason they're allowed to do that is because they're a part of this, like, large institutional media machine that is allowed to ignore what the right are doing in their content. 10

0:21:07 Thomas: Yep. Mm hmm. Yeah.

0:21:35 Tom: So much of this material, what it does is it points at men's insecurities and says, "You're right to feel insecure about this. It's not your fault that you are insecure about the issue. It is an earned insecurity based on the behavior of other people." That is the first thing that all of these spaces do first, right? The Tate spaces, the Manosphere spaces, they all firmly establish that as the groundwork first. What we have walked away from, because of the proliferation of this kind of content, I think, what we have walk away from is the idea that we all understood before, which is if I'm insecure about something, that's something I should work on. What these guys have done is they've flipped the script. They've said you're insecure about this because the world is the way you suspect that it is. Yeah.

0:21:35 Thomas: Mm hmm.

0:21:54 Thomas: No, it's the children who are wrong. Yeah, exactly.

0:22:27 Tom: Right, so it's the, it's, so as soon as I tell you that back to yourself, now you don't have any work to do, right? Which is always what people want to hear. I don't want to here like, "Tom, you are a fundamentally flawed version of yourself that will take you the rest of your life to try to get to a point of normalcy." Like, that's hard.

0:22:32 Thomas: Yeah mm -hmm.

0:22:43 Thomas: Well, we're going to keep saying it before every recording. Yeah yeah.

0:22:45 Eli: That's Why he doesn't respond to those emails. Yeah, it's

0:22:46 Tom: Those text messages are getting old. Every morning feels

0:22:49 Eli: Well, I want to wake you up some way besides shocking you.

0:22:52 Tom: I use earbuds now. But I do think it's interesting for young people, for men specifically or teenage boys specifically, because I think that there is something to be said about boys now going out or young men or men in general going out and trying to date in a space where there is a high level of very earned distrust of men in in general. And I think that that is something worth saying like, hey, that would be hard to do. I think it's okay to say like, yeah, a bunch of dudes fucking ruined it. And women have all kind of found a way to get together and say, hey that sucks. This is unsafe and unpleasant. And a lot of us are opting out of it and that sucks and if you're a dude who isn't a piece of shit or who is growing up and trying not to be a piece or doesn't even know what being a piece yet means you're moving into a dating space now that I think has an earned hostility.

0:22:53 Eli: Man.

0:23:47 Thomas: Oh,

0:23:47 Tom: And I do think that that's something that is worth talking about. And if I were a young person or even not a young person going out into the dating world, I'd be like, yeah, there's a lot of earned distrust of me categorically. And demonstrate not who I am first, but that it's safe to find out who I I am. And I think that that's something that I had not had to consider back in the nineties when I was young.

0:24:17 Thomas: Yeah.

0:24:17 Tom: It just wasn't a part of my, my early experience. And now I do, I have a lot of sympathy for people who are like, I got to convince people first that I'm safe before convincing them that I am a person they would want to spend time with as an individual.

0:24:29 Thomas: Yeah yeah.

0:24:29 Eli: And think about how much easier it is to victimize young men who are witnessing that conversation, right? Because all you need is the guy at the front of the Charlie Kirk room to go, "You see that, young boys? Women all think you're trash. They're a bunch of Stacys, and they hate men, so you might as well hate them back." And the fucking crazy people at the back of the room are like, "It's true, we do hate men."

0:24:37 Thomas: Mm -hmm yeah,

0:24:37 Tom: Yeah.

0:24:56 Eli: And so these young boys are just like, all right, thanks for radicalizing me, everybody who's lying all the time forever.

0:24:56 Thomas: Right.

0:24:57 Tom: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:25:03 Thomas: Well, and even if they weren't, like you said, that's the one person that does, and then the internet blasts that, and there's, that there's really nothing to be done about this. Like, it's just our slow, inevitable decline. Well, faster, because it's nut picking.

0:25:14 Tom: Yeah slow. Isn't the right word.

0:25:16 Eli: What, you just stop using the internet to get your...

0:25:18 Thomas: Yeah, we should ban the internet. Like, I, I'm I really think

0:25:20 Eli: Yeah, the internet is a failed experiment.

0:25:22 Thomas: Can we do Project 2028?

0:25:22 Tom: Yeah Oh wait, what's that? We're all friends now. We're

0:25:27 Eli: Tom,

0:25:26 Thomas: Yeah. We should, or Or what's my law? I think we're all friends now. Okay, yeah, I thought that we were, but okay, yeah, sure, yeah.

0:25:28 Tom: Cool, yeah.

0:25:29 Eli: We were already friends. Wow, hurtful.

0:25:34 Thomas: Uh, I think my thing is you should, there should be no anonymous internet. No, it was my thing. In order to say anything on the internet, you shouldn't have to be anonymous. Hey, oh, I live in the south where I need to be able to consume content. Yes. Okay. But you can't say anything unless you're identified. That's my new regime. That is what it is. It won't happen. There are problems with it. But hey, there are also some problems with the current situation.

0:25:35 Tom: Right.

0:25:39 Eli: Yeah, yeah.

0:25:58 Eli: Yeah. Whenever anyone defends the anonymous Internet with those edge cases where they're like, well, actually, this allowed me to do this thing. I'm like, yeah, but like system wise, do you think it worked out? Chill.

0:25:58 Tom: Yeah.

0:26:02 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah, people take for granted, like, whatever the current downsides are, they price that in, and then they look at the marginal different downsides and they're like, can't have that.

0:26:09 Tom: Yeah.

0:26:19 Eli: Can't have that. Don't want that. I just want Donald Trump to be president and for the press secretary to tell someone from the Huffington Post that your mom is the reason why we moved to the presidential thing.

0:26:19 Tom: Yeah. Well,

0:26:22 Thomas: Yeah. Wait,

0:26:31 Tom: Wait.

0:26:32 Eli: Fuck, it's great. Oh, you sure fucking did, baby. Maybe. Yep.

0:26:32 Thomas: Did that happen? Yeah.

0:26:38 Eli: In a post on Monday, Levitt confirmed the exchange with HuffPost SV Date, who noted in an email question to Levitt and White House Communications Director Stephen Chung that Budapest was a controversial choice because Russia signed the 1994 BudapEST memorandum there. Is the president aware of the significance of BudapEst, Date asked? Does he not see why Ukraine might object to that site? Who suggested Budapест? Levitt replied to the BudapEST question, your mom did later followed up by calling date a far left

0:26:36 Tom: Describe that for listeners

0:27:09 Eli: Hack that nobody takes seriously but

0:27:11 Tom: Holy shit, yeah, this is what happens when internet trolling becomes systematized and institutionalized. I know it's not the conversation we're trying to have, but like, this is, is what happens, like.

0:27:13 Thomas: Yeah. Whoops, oh, we did it again, guys, guys.

0:27:21 Eli: It's every conversation that has to be

0:27:23 Tom: I know, I know, but Thomas, I want to respond to, to the idea, like, that you had raised that I completely missed, that, like, what this is is, like, some dude saying, "Find a woman who won't talk to other guys," right? Because embedded in that, let's assume that embedded in that is an insecurity around adultery. Right. I think that that is oftentimes, like, what's embedded in that, and I think, like, you guys that you're like, "Yeah, it's fucking, that's nothing," right? Because, like, you guy's are not, you know, monogamous, you don't value monogamy as a, as something that would, would worry you or not worry him. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that.

0:27:33 Thomas: Absolutely. Yeah. Yep. Yeah,

0:27:49 Eli: I value it for you, Tom, because I don't want Hayley to kill herself and your children.

0:27:53 Thomas: I know. No, even hold on. Hold on. Even in a monogamous relationship, I think people should be mentally men should be mentally healthy. People should be mentally healthy enough to not freak out if their partner talks to someone of the of their gender.

0:28:06 Tom: Absolutely. A thousand percent. And I've thought, you know, as somebody...

0:28:11 Thomas: Exactly.

0:28:09 Eli: Yeah, forced polyamory, that's what I just heard, and I'm in agreement on.

0:28:13 Tom: The message that doesn't get out to people that I think needs to get out to people, if you are monogamous and you have an insecurity around adultery, which many people do, and I think media really exploits very often, right? It exploits and enhances, is the thing that will insulate you from the threat of adultery is you and your own actions. It's not a guarantee, because nothing's a guarantee, that's just not how life works, but like, so many people try to control their partner in order to insulate themselves from the heartbreak of adultery. Like, I have a negative five thousand percent worry that Hayley is going to emotionally or sexually cheat on me, right? And that's because of me, it's because my activity and my actions in the way that I behave and the way that I treat her, right?

0:28:23 Thomas: Yep, yep, yep. Yep he's a literal sex god everybody.

0:28:56 Tom: So, I don't get a lot of complaints if you know what I mean.

0:28:57 Eli: It, that's right, prove

0:29:02 Thomas: I wasn't even really joking, I was like, it's kind of, yeah. Yeah, let's see it, right?

0:29:06 Eli: It Have sex with Thomas, right?

0:29:09 Tom: So, bring it on.

0:29:09 Eli: Now, you coward.

0:29:10 Thomas: Now finally, finally, the whole show has led to

0:29:13 Eli: Comes back home from QED. Hurley, you know how when someone calls you chicken, you like gotta do it, right? Like, you can't just let someone, if I were to name a top portrayal, it would be allowing someone to call you chicken.

0:29:26 Thomas: This That's how they got Michael J. Fox to fuck that dude and Back to the Future, yeah, called him a chicken, and then he, yeah, that was, oh, you don't like Back to Future? That's from when your time. It's so good. I love those movies.

0:29:31 Tom: What? Yeah, yeah.

0:29:33 Eli: That's true. No, I remember that. Yeah. In my head, one of the Back to the Future movies, Thomas watches is just a porn parody and no one ever broke it to him.

0:29:43 Thomas: Yeah. What's the matter?

0:29:46 Eli: He thinks there are four.

0:29:46 Thomas: Chicken? No, I could fuck all those guys. That's how they got him. That'S how he got in the car accident. Come on. You don't know the lore.

0:29:54 Eli: That's true. Yeah.

0:29:55 Tom: That's, oh my god, it's all part and parcel of the same sales pitch that these manosphere guys are making, right? Which is like, don't work on yourself, don't find ways to be better, don't remove your own insecurities. Instead, everything's externalized, and if I externalize everything, I don't have to do any hard work. The only thing I gotta do is pay you fucking 29.99 a month or whatever for your dickhead university

0:30:00 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, for sure. Right. Good point.

0:30:17 Thomas: Right, and conveniently externalized to the woman. It's not like, hey, other dudes don't cheat with someone. It's almost like they're cool with the other end of that. And then actually, that's true of the Tate guy. He will cheat with someone else for, like, what do you call that? He will, what the fuck is the term for that? He will induce cheating from women. I get, no, like from women who are in a relationship or whatever. He'll be on the other hand of that, but if a woman were to do that with him, then they're like a whore and it's horrible. Like, it's all, all the burden is on women is all I'm saying, the point I'm making. Like, no burden is unlike either the man or the other men. It's, it's all find the woman who does the thing already without you making any effort or change to yourself.

0:30:21 Tom: Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Fuck. Oh, Yeah, yeah.

0:30:57 Eli: I would argue that it's not just to men. I would argue there's every version of that. It's men, it's women, because there's also a huge space to be gained by doing the no, men really are trash bit. You can make a really good living by just being like, no, all the things that everyone else is saying ironically are true. I'll give you a really good example of this. I'm not on social media because I'm a mentally ill little child who couldn't handle Twitter in 2015. But I was talking to a buddy the other day, and she was like, dude, I'm so depressed about the reactions to the No Kings protest. And I was like, oh, a bunch of, like, Trumpers are being super shitty about it. And she was like, well, no, no, no, I just assumed that. But, like, she had a bunch of people on her feed who were like, protests do nothing And I was just like, Jesus. And, like, again, it's that weird lying, not lying

0:31:25 Thomas: Oh, yeah. Yep. Yep. Yeah. That's unreal. Yep. It's the best.

0:31:48 Eli: Thing where it's just like that nihilism is just so pointless and so useless and just eliminates all conversation down to, like, because I remember this so often. It still happens to me occasionally today, which is I'll try to help someone understand. I'll be like, let me use a metaphor, and the person, because they don't want me to win the conversation I was trying to have with them, goes, I don't understand your metaphor. And I'm like, oh, okay, well, now you're pretending to be stupid to win a conversation I didn't think had a winner. So

0:32:19 Tom: Yeah.

0:32:20 Thomas: You pick the best example of that exact thing you're talking about, though. And it's so great with these ones. No king's protest. They don't have any demands. That's whatever. This is just liberalism at its finest. It's like, yeah, as opposed to the social media posts you're doing, which is actually is winning the revolution.

0:32:20 Eli: Yeah.

0:32:35 Eli: As opposed to your fucking Facebook post, Melania.

0:32:38 Tom: Yeah, yeah.

0:32:38 Thomas: Yeah, that's definitely the Facebook post. Look, the going out and demonstrating million strong biggest demonstration we've ever seen. That's not doing anything. But your Facebook post complaining about them. That is the change we need to see in the world. You know, that'S actually.

0:32:54 Eli: Get in here. There's a person who describes themselves as an anarchist on Facebook who says that they're ready to burn the whole thing down we gotta stop this, right? We gotta cut fascism off at the source

0:32:57 Tom: Yep. I'm

0:32:58 Thomas: Yeah, we need to do the revolution they're not fucking doing and never are going to do. That's the better way to do it.

0:33:09 Tom: Gonna go on Facebook and call out all the protesters for wanting attention while I do this on Facebook. Like, it's like, what are you fucking here for?

0:33:13 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, but what's really going to get it done is being more pure than other people. That is what will do it, yeah.

0:33:26 Ad: [Ad break 3 — ad music]

0:33:28 Eli: Now can I give a caveat to this, which is that we are people who make our living online and I know that there are people listening to this who have normal Facebooks with normal friends and family who don't experience this. And can I tell you guys a secret? I now experience this because I have a secret Facebook where I just am with my family. It's literally like just my family, a couple of people who are like related to me or closer. And it's great. It's great. Can I tell you who the most dramatic person on my real friends and family Facebook is? It's Thomas Smith.

0:33:34 Thomas: Ah, yeah, you.

0:33:59 Tom: Right.

0:34:03 Eli: But that's just, I just friended real Thomas, and Thomas talks about politics and stuff on his thing. Yeah

0:34:01 Thomas: Oh, oh, because that is my podcast account. Yeah yeah, because I was going to say like, oh Eli, I actually do have a family Facebook, but it is so boring, I have not logged in since 2017.

0:34:10 Eli: Because that's your, but yeah, that's your life and your damn It, I want to get in the skim it, but yeah, yeah.

0:34:19 Thomas: I've not, I'm not on it. Is, I have a real Facebook from when I was in college, you know, like when it started thefacebook.com or whatever from 2006. Uh, Yes, it's so boring. Yeah.

0:34:23 Tom: You Yeah.

0:34:24 Eli: Oh, And it fucking rule Dude, my family Facebook is so boring and so unpolitical or It's like political in a, in that touch grass way that you're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I, I did this whole weird fanta... I was surrounded by enemies of my own imagining. Right.

0:34:35 Thomas: Yeah. No, that's true. Yeah, yeah, so true.

0:34:47 Tom: Yeah, well, yeah.

0:34:47 Eli: It's just my aunt and her girls at a no Kings protest with signs that say like hands off. And I'm like, they're great. They're fucking great. And in my head, I'm like, yeah, but I saw on a promoted Facebook page that said a thing that I slightly disagree with within leftism.

0:34:56 Thomas: God. Yeah, well, let's just make this our airing of grievances episode. But did you happen to witness any of the hate we got from our own listeners about interviewing Jake Tapper? This is a funny, it is so

0:35:11 Eli: No, I'm not on any of that space anymore.

0:35:11 Tom: Yeah, no, what?

0:35:13 Thomas: Funny. Any patrons, you know, sorry, anyone listening who, if that's you, it's so fucking dumb. I'm sorry, I don't care. You can, I'll, I'll reimburse the dudes for when you quit our Patreon. I don't care. It's so funny with literally people being like

0:35:25 Eli: Everybody write in and say, you gave us a lot of money, Jake.

0:35:28 Tom: No.

0:35:28 Thomas: Yeah, it was like, I can't believe you platformed that. It's like, yeah, we platformed Jake Tapper. You wouldn't have been able to see Jake fucking Tapper anywhere if we hadn't given him the platform that, that we gave him. Who is it actually?

0:35:44 Tom: Yeah, you platformed Jake.

0:35:44 Thomas: I didn't know who it was until we put him on our show. Yeah.

0:35:36 Eli: Tapper. That's True. Jacob Tapper.

0:35:47 Tom: Tapper. That's the, you platform Jake Tapper.

0:35:49 Thomas: Someone said, someone said, oh, and you're, you're normalizing his both sides approach. Normalizing Jake Tapper's is normal. That's like the, the normal of the world is embodied in Jake Tapper.

0:35:59 Tom: That's

0:36:00 Eli: Feel like CNN gets dibs for normalizing Jake.

0:36:04 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But it's like to any extent that that's being normalized, it's not us, the one people who actually tried to challenge him on a few things on an obscure year podcast that no one listens to. It's, see, it fucking nn the show he's on every single day. But it's so funny because it's exactly what you're talking about, Eli, where it's like, if this were a friends and family one or something, or if you were dealing with the regular people of the earth, they'd be like, oh, Jake Tapper, yeah, I sometimes see him on CNN. Yeah, they would just think of him as like a news guy, that's it. But like, they have all this lore of, like, oh, I can't believe that. And then they, they work themselves into this thing where Jake Tapper's actually Hitler. And you're like, look, I don't like what he's doing, but like, you got to fucking chill a little.

0:36:31 Eli: That's so cool you got into the thing. Oh, it's

0:36:32 Tom: Insane. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

0:36:53 Thomas: Like, look at the earth slightly differently than just the super online thing you're in.

0:36:53 Tom: Yeah, I think that's exactly the part of the problem. And, like, I've walked away entirely from all social media, maybe three, four weeks ago. I'm just done with all of it. But, like, I think I recognize too. Yeah, I just think I fucking, I'm

0:37:07 Thomas: I'm the only one on social. Hey, friend me, everybody. Buddy. Yeah.

0:37:09 Eli: Great, I'm lonely on here. It's just people yelling at me for interviewing Jake.

0:37:14 Tom: But I've come to the conclusion that I don't think that there is a way to use it responsibly anymore. I think that the online space is a space that has become full of so much absolutism bullshit where everybody speaks, speaks with incredible confidence about nothing that they are not, they have no expertise

0:37:31 Thomas: I'm so sorry, Tom. You're literally doing Sith deal in absolutes.

0:37:35 Eli: Tapper only the

0:37:35 Tom: To everybody becomes a fucking Sith online, man.

0:37:36 Thomas: You know, literally doing that bit because Tom's like, it's become too absolute. We need to burn the whole thing to the ground because absolutely no one can use it correctly.

0:37:41 Eli: Sith, Tom.

0:37:41 Tom: Yeah. Well, I part of the reason I left it is because I think they

0:37:47 Eli: Would have turned into Darth Vader so easily.

0:37:49 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:37:49 Tom: Oh, are you kidding me fucking right now?

0:37:51 Eli: He wouldn't have even had to choke Hailey to death. They would have been like, you get a cool helmet, and he would have been like,

0:37:55 Tom: Hayley would turn into the Emperor before

0:37:57 Thomas: For that's a good point. Yeah.

0:37:57 Eli: I'm in. Yeah, she

0:37:57 Tom: I turn into Darth, so yeah, so I'd be, I'd been following her down the train, but like She does. I left social media because Meta keeps doing pedophilia shit, so it's just like, it's a little, little too much for me at this point, but

0:38:01 Eli: Does have lightning powers.

0:38:08 Thomas: Well, in their defense, Tom, like, you can't, I mean, what are they supposed to do, not pedophilia? Like, what now? You sound like, do you hear yourself, Tom? Do you hear yourself? Oh, just don't do pedophilia. Yeah, fucking no one can. Please

0:38:13 Eli: What are they supposed, come on.

0:38:13 Tom: Like not do that. I just not do that. I just keep doing it. You know, I know it's crazy.

0:38:21 Eli: Perfection is enemy of the good, Tom. Sure, this company has been part of child trafficking across the world, but maybe their next project will have less child trafficking if they're brave enough to try, and they can't be brave enough with critics like you hurting them.

0:38:26 Tom: I know. I know. Yeah, there you go. There you go let me go ahead and log into the Catholic Church while I'm at it. Yeah. Yeah I know what fucking I know means fucking nothing. I know it means nothing, but I can't be there. It's like, I can go to fucking Catholic Mass either. I can do it. I just, like, there's no way for me to do it. Yeah, yeah.

0:38:43 Eli: No, it doesn't, Tom. No, Tom, it doesn't mean nothing.

0:38:44 Thomas: You No, no, no, I appreciate it from you. I'm annoyed by the fact that I don't get to talk to you on Facebook Messenger anymore, but I'm like, yeah, no, it's a principled stand, that's cool. I like that you have principles.

0:38:55 Tom: I just, I'll never go there.

0:38:55 Eli: But Tom, it's actually incredibly important because you're no longer participating in Facebook Messenger means that no illusions had to join Slack which means that I now get to use Slack for my workplace. So if you think about it, you've helped the most important person in the world do their work in a way, yeah, me, in the way that they want to do it a little bit more.

0:39:05 Thomas: Eli.

0:39:19 Tom: Again, okay, that's fair. That's fair.

0:39:19 Eli: So you're like the little boy with his finger in it, but you let it out of the dam. I don't know quite where you fit in the dam metaphor.

0:39:24 Tom: Yeah, I don't, not sure either. I just, I think the Jake Tapper response, the same thing too though, of this original TikTok that we put out, like, it's not even a drift anymore, it's something else. There is, there is a sort of necessity of viralism that requires that people speak as if they are fucking experts They have a right to an opinion on something that their opinion is, is important and should be known by an audience.

0:39:44 Thomas: Mm-hmm. It's Darwinian. Those are the opinions you're going to see because you're gonna see only the most brazen, most narcissistic, most sure of themselves. That's who you will see because it's a Darwinian process.

0:39:52 Tom: Right. But then everybody is like, oh, I've got something to say about this without ever first sort of stopping and being like, is it important,

0:40:05 Thomas: Yeah. Should someone listen to me? Yeah.

0:40:05 Tom: Actually, that I say this to these people? Yeah. And also, like, who are these people I'm talking to? Why do I care to say this? Why am I commenting on this fucking New York Times article? What does that do? It does nothing. There is going to be another article out tomorrow. This threat is nothing. It's not going anywhere. It won't exist. You haven't convinced it. All of that is just nothingness. But the important part of the nothingness is that drifts toward this kind of absolutism, where now we talk about what men do and what women do in these broad categorical terms that men and women are starting to believe about themselves.

0:40:25 Thomas: Yeah, mm -hmm, yeah,

0:40:39 Tom: And That, like, to come back full circle, that's the problem. Women are starting to believe categorically these things, and men are starting to believe, categorically, these things. And we're starting to categorically believe these things about one another. And all of that reductionism, it's incredible to me that the expansion of human connection has resulted in this intensely reductionist worldview that has now become comes sort of like the viral necessity because it's what sells. It's zodiac shit, right? It's like, hey, here's a broad categorical thing that will feel and strike others as a set of sort of deepity-based truisms, and that shit plays It's not good for us. Like, it's objectively really fucking bad for us, and it's bad for the, how we, the way we treat one another because we don't see each other anymore as individual humans. No, yeah.

0:40:40 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm. Mm hm. Hmm.

0:41:31 Eli: And it's not how anybody talks. And can I say, and I'll give you the best example. The best example of this is me. So I'm teaching this year, which means I have colleagues in the film and TV department, and they're much older than me. I think my youngest colleague is probably in their late 40s, early 50s. And so I will constantly, in conversation, bring up an internet enemy, and they'll be like, haven't heard of that one. And I have to be like, okay, so in 2015 I was tweeting, and they're just like, like, anyways, I got to go home to my family who we just talked to each other fully. And I was like,

0:41:54 Thomas: Yeah, ha ha ha.

0:41:55 Tom: Yeah.

0:42:04 Thomas: Yep. But it's even worse than that, though, because the only people who are in it are literally are fucking world leaders and politicians and journalists. So that's where our politics is derived from. Is this online nothing? And then normal people are how you describe. You talk to them and they're like, even people who were like liberal out here, they're not like super fucking woke, and I don't mean this in the anti-woke sense. I consider myself, whatever that means, I consider myself woke and wanting to, but like, we lose touch with how most people are, except, and I would say that we should all unplug, except that it's our fucking politicians now. It's all politics now. They are in on it. They are that atmosphere, and they answer questions and they give statements and they gave everything based on that worldview, based on that stupid fucking way too online worldview, because all of journalism and all of politics exists in that sphere, and it's ruined our fucking world. And what was this episode about? It's related, the guy's part of that. He sucks too in the same way. Yeah, kind of, right? Oh

0:43:04 Tom: Oh.

0:43:04 Eli: It's his fault, right?

0:43:10 Clip: DEAR OLD DADS

0:43:16 Eli: All right, gentlemen, before we go, what does the salad say before he eats? Let us pray.

0:43:25 Thomas: I was thinking That was gonna be so much dirtier. Yeah.

0:43:27 Tom: That's good.

0:44:19 Tom: You're breaking my fucking Coco heart live on air.

0:44:23 Eli: I hate being bisexual because it means I'm attracted to 50 % trash. Toot, toot.

0:44:30 Thomas: Whoops, we did it again, guys. He's a literal sex god, everybody.

0:44:34 Eli: That's right.