DOD229: Cheering Your Kids On...Realistically

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad, that's my thing I know now what I can offer you that no one else can Complete and under-dependent I'm a man, I'm sensitive I need to feel loved, I need part of being a father that I enjoy

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's not very good, but no one's got the heart to tell us. I'm Tom Curry. I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Wozniak. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:38 Thomas: Geez. This is how you've let me know. I don't know. Has this been true the whole time?

0:00:43 Tom: I just don't want to let the audience in on it. Yeah. It's weird when I review my own show on Apple this way. It is a little awkward. Yeah, it's a little weird.

0:00:45 Eli: It's an intervention, yeah. iTunes, yeah! Our only one-star reviews are Christians who thought we were gonna talk about Christianity and Tom hating his own penis.

0:01:01 Thomas: Dang. That may need some explaining.

0:01:05 Eli: I don't think it does.

0:01:05 Tom: My god holy shit yeah

0:01:06 Eli: I'm the cool dad, that's my thing. Hey, guys!

0:01:08 Thomas: Well, did anybody get murdered? What's our banter going to be? Who got murdered lately?

0:01:12 Eli: Guys! We got great news. We got good news. We figured out autism! We did it!

0:01:17 Thomas: Autism. Oh, that'll be the big topic. Yeah.

0:01:19 Tom: Yeah, it's Tylenol. It turns out you can give your baby a whole bottle of Tylenol but not the pregnant mom not the Pregnant Mom that's it yeah

0:01:24 Eli: Not the pregnant mom! No, that...

0:01:25 Thomas: Turns out Eli's been trying to autism your family this whole time guys with his catchphrase yeah oh man good fucking

0:01:29 Eli: I have... Well, I want my son to have some friends. And I'm like, I need someone to be as into legos as he is how stocked is your house with yogurt pouches that's my sleepover question oh you have six boxes you're gonna need some more oh we have fun

0:01:49 Tom: Just in case anybody did miss it I just want to I can go ahead I've got a little transcript pulled up I can read what the president did say in his address with respect to Tylenol and autism so he did It did say, with Tylenol, don't take it. Don't take It. And if you can't live, if your fever is so bad, you have to take one because there's no alternative to that, sadly. First question, what can you take instead? Actually, that's not an alternative to That. As you know, other of the medicines have been proven bad with the aspirins and Advils and others, right? So just in case anybody was confused, that is a bad thing. That's an actual transcription.

0:02:18 Eli: You all got it right

0:02:22 Tom: It's an actual fucking transcription.

0:02:21 Thomas: Times I can't go ahead eli you're funnier sorry I just did the eli where I made myself like go ahead sorry okay good

0:02:26 Eli: Yeah it's It's there's a beautiful horror to the now times, there are moments where it's just sad and scary, right? But when he's up there and like RFK is sweating like a meat gullet down his face and there's like, there's one of those accordion monkeys with the spinach and they're like, he's the minister of health now. It's just, it's nice because it's the worst. It's a timeline so bad you ever talk to like a German person about Nazi times they cannot functionally talk about it right so what they learn about in school is like it was a bad thing that happened in history and they talk about the way you and I talk about like Romans right well

0:02:48 Thomas: But yeah. Oh boy. No, you've done that. Interesting.

0:03:17 Thomas: Oh, people in the South talk about like slavery or something where they don't. Oh. Oh sorry.

0:03:19 Eli: No, they're proud of it. So you need a better example but like genuinely if you talk to someone from Germany they have this very cold informational approach to it that's just separated and that's how we're gonna be about the now imagine Greeks look I know that it's like man nobody's gonna listen to him in the American Academy of Pediatrics some old Jew's gonna come out and be like please don't stop taking Tylenol and die and we're going to be like fuck off Jew right whatever cool that's all funny and hilarious and great but it also means that like research and knowledge and like the possibilities for actual help for people with autism those are set back like 20 30 years right Like, imagine leucovorin, which has shown pretty good signs in early studies. Imagine it actually works. And the first way we found out about it sort of largely publicly was, okay, so this is great. This is great because you're not autism parents, so you're Not In on the autism pseudoscience grind.

0:04:10 Thomas: Wait, wait, what is this? Well, I kind of am, but, oh, okay,

0:04:18 Eli: Leucovorin, so y'all know the three ingredients that you need for pseudosciences are a desperate population that's willing to try anything, a commonly available ingredient that you can sell to people, and a study that says something that uneducated people can interpret as a good sign, right? That's what you need at all times, right, it's just the thing, Yeah, it's the three ingredients you need, so there's this thing called Leucovorin, and it is making the rounds in the autism population, so let me explain, they have found one study, which is not particularly robust, found that in kids with type 3 autism, when they were supplemented with Leucovorin, if they had this deficiency, it helped with their speech. Now, I want to be very clear. The sentence I just said is already a misinterpretation of the study because that didn't happen 100 % of the time. They didn't account for a bunch of other things. So even that super cautious summary I just made, way much of an exaggeration. But that means that Leucovorin, which is pretty easy to have prescribed and way easy to buy in bullshit like vitamin form, has been making its way around. And so you have a ton of autism parents coming on to autism forums and speaking in autism spaces about like, my son did this for the first time. He's been on it for six months. He's been on it for a year.

0:04:34 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, good call. Oh God,

0:05:35 Eli: And for the First time, he did this. Right. And again, it's just desperate parents. And part of the don't give your baby a bottle of Tylenol or it'll end up loving trains too much talk was, hey, we think Leucovorin is this miracle drug and we're going to approve it for autism use. We're going To do all that stuff. So here's the thing. We genuinely don't know how positive a result Leucovorin has. We are very early in the learning. But because it has been introduced by RFK at the give your baby a bottle of Tylenol if you want to know how many matchsticks you dropped on the ground conference, that research will be set back 20, 30 years because nobody wants RFK stank on it.

0:05:36 Thomas: I didn't know about this. Oh yeah. Oh wow, wow.

0:06:14 Tom: That's a lot.

0:06:14 Thomas: I was gonna say, this is a great start.

0:06:16 Eli: Yeah, but gentlemen, do you know the only thing worse than having your son's disability used as a political prop to avoid the Epstein files? Why, it's the ads. You've probably heard 7 or 15 of them by now if you've been listening to our podcast for more than 30 seconds, but you can make those go away. Do we set the volume down super low or super high to blow out your eardrums at any given moment? We'll never tell but you can make them go away at patreon.com/dearolddads we'll get a commercial-free version of every single show plus a little parenting story at the end little something extra right there at the bonus episodes and folks I want to give a shout out to patron cryptid hunter 548 uh he actually did the analysis the statistical analysis it turns out the smiths post our bonus episodes every betwixt of fortnight so you do have to go into the Shakespearean text to actually decode the text but when it is No, no, no! Fuck! Oh God! Was there an accidental regularity no I promise she just falls asleep and I don't care. I promise

0:07:10 Thomas: Don't even know what that means, yeah? I also have no idea if Eli's being serious right now, did someone do a thing for real? Oh, okay, thank God! It sounded really real. I was like, no, no. I mean, I welcome the investigation and transparency into this that's something our audience would do though like a hundred

0:07:28 Eli: There's not a system one million percent

0:07:31 Thomas: Percent somebody in our audience will do an analysis wow That was Eli. You had me going on that one patreon.com - that's where you can do the analysis that's gonna ruin our company

0:07:35 Eli: Yet I had you that's we've heard that your dance rip it to it steal this company

0:07:44 Thomas: It's gonna end our business relationship

0:07:52 Ad: [Ad break 1 — ad music]

0:07:53 Thomas: No, we've been pretty good. I will note I haven't even complained we had to change to the same day we record for eli's fucking schedule and so we have to put an episode out the same way we record it and it's been a little late sometimes because of that but it's just not easy to do especially when we already had a stardew valley concert planned that day you know and just uh had oh it was great it was good

0:08:08 Eli: That's true. I agree it's my fault

0:08:14 Tom: Shit. How was the Stardew Valley concert?

0:08:17 Thomas: Times

0:08:17 Eli: It's gorgeous, right? Did he show up?

0:08:17 Thomas: Um, no. They did a video that you record a video for. That's what I'm trying to say. It was is great you know what's funny is how few kids there were there like I got that there you know it's not the game's too complicated for kids but like I thought there would be like some more kids there

0:08:32 Eli: It's not but you if you want to go down that rabbit hole you absolutely

0:08:36 Thomas: Dude! Fucking A!

0:08:38 Tom: Is the game complicated?

0:08:38 Thomas: I - yes, Eli's, you're doing a bit. That's gaslighting me right now it's it's very

0:08:38 Eli: Can God, yeah, it can be. No, so I want to be clear because I don't want anyone to be scared off if you have like a seven or an eight year old they can absolutely play stardew valley if you wanna min-max Stardew Valley you need multiple PhDs in structural engineering

0:08:54 Thomas: Complicated? Oh yeah, in that, like, it's not like your character's gonna die or something yeah you can just sit there if you're a kid you can't just be there and do nothing but yeah yeah that's

0:09:03 Eli: Yeah you do whatever the fuck you want and it's and it still rules that said if you have a parent who needs to min-max the video game next to you and my son does it's not me they will be vibrating with hatred watching my wife you ever doubt that my wife is an amazing mother and you shouldn't you should watch her watch my son play animal crossing this woman has built the Taj Mahal there's like fucking waterways and systems she's invented electricity in the game yeah and then my son's just walking around hitting everything with a bug net just fucking picking stuff up and putting it down again at one point he realized he liked releasing bugs from their tanks and just empty with her permission right this isn't like oh he did it when she couldn't he was like I would like to take this thing that you've been building this - no, no, no! He was like I would like to take this pyramid of Giza of ancient and rare bugs which you had to hack the code and wake up at

0:09:10 Thomas: Fair oh Boy, oh boy! I relate to this so hard. I have you on this I have we are Oh man, oh! So she has a copy of the save file going somehow she's got she had backups Oh, no!

0:10:12 Eli: Midnight in japan to get I would like to release them into the wild and watch them disappear in front of you for an hour and she was like so much fun fuck just blood coming out of her ears while he was doing it

0:10:16 Thomas: Oh no! What? Oh man, I relate to that so fucking hard. Oh yeah well and then here's the problem my kids maybe wouldn't have been that way except they also see me play by myself sometimes and so they'll be like but I want that. I want to play by myself I want it's like when it comes to stardew valley it's like, okay, well start waking up, start waking up early and working on the farm kids. Like, yeah, it's like and it's like, yeah exactly. I was like, okay, you got to plant the stuff. You got to actually water it. You get in and it just then I just ended up doing it for them. And then I was like basically I was a farm hand for my kids so that they could have the stuff.

0:10:44 Eli: Put in the work but the neighbor said he wants me fuck him fuck him we haven't even begun to gather the five-star events for our neighbors yet

0:11:11 Thomas: But anyway, no, it was great. And speaking of kids I had something I wanted to talk about that I think was a parenting thing that I, you know, Eli the other week said he doesn't ever feel any parenting wins. I felt like this was a bit of a win, but I'm not sure. And I also think it'll be just something I'd love to talk to you guys about and get your thoughts. So the other day, Phoebe comes home with a gun. Yeah.

0:11:24 Eli: Oh gun

0:11:37 Thomas: And that was like, like it's America. Great.

0:11:36 Eli: Nice

0:11:39 Tom: America. It's fine. Yeah, it's now at the bottom of your box of cereal like it's uh it's a joke for the olds out there there used to be presents in your cereal now yeah yeah

0:11:39 Eli: Oh, it's cool. You're the one yeah

0:11:46 Thomas: That's a very like Simpsons joke kind of thing.

0:11:48 Eli: Exactly in that, it's not funny but a very select group of people insist that it is

0:11:49 Tom: That's it. Fuck!

0:11:50 Thomas: No, no. In a good way. I do. I love the Simpsons. No, remember? There's that like cereal that has like the spiky shit. And then anyway, no, I love this. That was a compliment, Tom. Sorry. So she comes home and she's like, OK, there's a coloring contest that we have to do for the jogathon. So they do every Every time they do every year, they do this like jog-a-thon and it's a color run, I guess, where they wear white shirts and then the teachers like hit them with like the color stuff. It's probably cancer-causing. It's like asbestos-based color paint that they throw at the kids probably. Yeah. Yeah.

0:12:03 Tom: You oh my god I yep

0:12:25 Eli: Any excuse to throw stuff at the kids. I get it hey hey tom come join me over I'm going to let you finish.

0:12:27 Tom: Look, I'm gonna Kanye you real bad right now. I'ma let you finish, I'ma let you finish but yeah should

0:12:34 Thomas: I don't know if that's not a reference.

0:12:34 Tom: I not kanye people is that awkward now okay I like that it

0:12:36 Eli: I feel like Kanye -ing no longer means interrupting someone mid -speech.

0:12:41 Tom: Was a it was a better world that was a kinder world and that's the world I want to live in I don't gonna have to change that phrase okay all

0:12:41 Thomas: Yeah. It means like doing a Holocaust or something at this point.

0:12:49 Tom: Right so I'm gonna interrupt you for a second thomas smith but

0:12:50 Eli: I'm gonna Eli Bosnick you for a second.

0:12:53 Tom: Like I just need to pause and take a minute and fucking yell at a cloud for a fucking second that I am so fucking sick of goddamn fundraisers at the goddamn school just tell me how much money you need I'll write you a check for that much money and then we're done I don't want to buy popcorn I don'T WANT TO FUCKING HAVE MY KID GO OUT AND SELL CHRISTMAS WRAPPING PAPER I DON'T want to fucking have a jog a thought just raise my taxes that's what you should do just raise my taxes the 0 .03 percent that you would need to cover whatever the fucking gap is or at the beginning of the year say hey we need an extra 79 .95 or whatever it fucking is and I'll give you your 80 you don't have to do all this

0:13:02 Thomas: Yeah, oh, I know, yeah, yeah exactly,

0:13:36 Tom: Stuff stop with the athons I'm done with athans I don't want anymore jesus

0:13:39 Thomas: Yeah athons, yeah what

0:13:41 Eli: So my school district has school uniforms, and so they charge for dress -down day. So your kid has to pay $3 not to wear the uniform one Friday a month. It's some real fucking Hunger Games level shit. Shit yeah it's the best I love it yeah

0:13:52 Tom: Christ

0:13:52 Thomas: The fuck, it's like you're in town, yeah, what, I, Jesus, I didn't even understand that sentence, that was a weird,

0:14:01 Tom: Oh fuck

0:14:03 Eli: Because it's literally because look the good reason for school uniforms there are not a lot but the good reasons for school uniforms are number one grown -ups can wear them and have sex with each other number two

0:14:15 Thomas: You don't wear maxes though, dude, you actually like squeeze in, oh

0:14:20 Tom: Yeah I'm a huge proponent of school uniforms yeah I think they're great yeah

0:14:22 Eli: Yeah it number two it makes it harder to tell who is poor right is that's that's the like a huge benefit great equalizer right and they have just fucking taken that out back and shot it in the throat haven't they they really just who has three dollars well then show up friday and let everybody know with your solid gold outfit so they come home they were like it's a jogathon

0:14:26 Thomas: Yeah that's fair, where was I uh before

0:14:42 Tom: Yep all right so it was an athon yeah

0:14:46 Thomas: Before Tom pulled a Kanye

0:14:50 Eli: Pulled and pulled a kanye and denied the

0:14:50 Thomas: And and made his girlfriend wear transparent clothing or whatever and like yeah

0:14:54 Eli: Holocaust

0:14:55 Tom: Wait what the fuck I need to learn Learn more about stuff.

0:14:56 Eli: Oh guys can we just do an episode where we catch tom up on kanye

0:15:00 Thomas: And me I my only exposure is whatever and like I see on Reddit and for a while although I think they broke up it was just like Bianca Sensore shows up naked to everything or whatever and

0:15:02 Tom: What?

0:15:12 Eli: Yeah she was she was naked to some events for a little while yeah

0:15:14 Thomas: Then that's it that's the whole that's all I know that was his girlfriend I don't know

0:15:16 Tom: I don't even know who that is. All right. God.

0:15:18 Eli: Yeah here's the game that I want to introduce it's called real or

0:15:21 Thomas: Oh god oh you mean our normal life

0:15:21 Eli: Gaslight where I read a piece of kanye news and yeah and And then Tom has to guess whether it's a real thing Kanye did or if I'm gaslighting him. Spoilers. SpoilERS for the episode.

0:15:29 Thomas: Oh wow that is a good one

0:15:30 Tom: I'm just going to say real down the line. Can I start with just, it's all real.

0:15:34 Thomas: Guys I think we found our bonus for september

0:15:37 Tom: That's, oh, we should actually play this. This would be great.

0:15:37 Eli: There it is.

0:15:37 Thomas: That's uh that I'm gonna release in january oh man

0:15:40 Eli: Real or gaslight. And then it's the doctor.

0:15:43 Thomas: I'm sure tom already knows this I I don't want to spoil it, but the peak comedy was the thing where like a year ago. Yeah. I literally sent it to Eli and we were like, this is the greatest comedic timing.

0:15:45 Tom: What

0:15:51 Eli: It's incredible. Can't write. It is literally perfect comedic timing.

0:15:57 Thomas: And his face too. It sucks with his audio, but like, well, anyway, see it on the September bonus of DRL Dads. We'll figure it out. So there I was with the, whatever I was talking about.

0:16:01 Eli: It's the perfect comedIC timing. September bonus. Real or Gaslight. Lie. It

0:16:12 Thomas: And so yeah, jogathon. That's right. We make people run in order to support. I don't know which comedian had that bit, but it's like, I'll just donate to your cancer thing or whatever. You don't have to run to be able to get the donations. No. Uh, yeah, it was the Simpsons. Yeah. So it's more just, I forgot the donation part of it. Cause yeah, that part is stupid, but it is a really fun thing. Like we go to it like at the school and watch them run around and get all colorful and it is fun. So Phoebe says there's a t -shirt design contest for this. For For one, she said it was like, I guess she has to do it. Like it's homework or something. I was like. Oh, OK. And then for two, she's like, yeah. And then people are going to vote. And whoever wins gets some kid crap. I forget some prize, something. And then everyone will wear that shirt. All the kids are goingto try to design a shirt. And then the winner, they'll all wear it. And I waslike, OK, cool.

0:16:23 Eli: Was Tom earlier in the episode. Sure.

0:17:03 Thomas: I waslikethatsoundsawesome. And so she wants to start designing it. And Iwaslike, this is fun. She's positive about it. And then she starts talking about how she's going to win. And I Waslike, yeah, no, awesome. She's like, I'm going to win. But here's the thing. I was nervous the whole time because Phoebe is a basket case and I love my Phoebes, but I've realized that there's a tension all the time because of how volatile her emotions are that I worry that something's going to set her off, you know? And so it's like this, you Know, often the whole house is like tense with like, is Phoebe going to lose her fucking mind at some point? We're working on it. It's rough.

0:17:37 Eli: And then when she's older, she's like, I have a complicated relationship with my siblings. And you're like, oh, is it because everybody hates you?

0:17:42 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, it's going gonna be it's gonna be I hope she'll I think she'll be able to contain it eventually anyway but no she's doing well in this moment and their school mascot is an eagle she's like dad can you draw an eagle for me I was like well I mean I think you need to do this like I'm not gonna I'm like yeah I'm gonna do your t -shirt design like also since it's a competition like what if if I was just like oh yeah I'll fucking just do a whole thing and

0:18:00 Eli: Draw your own fucking eagle. Yeah. What are you, a Bosnick? And then you come in

0:18:12 Thomas: Then like yeah or I hire somebody like amazing artist to do some incredible fucking eagle thing that's just like

0:18:16 Eli: Last behind the kid who didn't do it. But the teacher was like,

0:18:24 Thomas: Ridiculous I'm like yeah phoebe did it yeah she totally did that yeah

0:18:26 Eli: AI eagle, chat

0:18:25 Tom: As chat gpt did this for me

0:18:30 Eli: GBT eagle.

0:18:30 Thomas: And so I was like no why don't you do it she's like oh man well can you show me an eagle I waslike well you're not gonna draw so I was like wait a minute you just need to draw the mascot right she's like yeah I was was like okay find something with that on it like you already have a bunch of shit I was like she's like oh okay I know my t -shirt for the spirit day or whatever the fuck so she finds it she's drawing the eagle it's going great it looks pretty good you know like for her like it's you know for her age it's looking okay which I say that because sometimes when she tries to draw something she's drawing she's drying then she gets mad that's not good and rips up the paper burns down the house stabs Remy shoots me in the head and then sets off a nuclear bomb pretty

0:19:12 Eli: She actually reenacts all of Stephen King's rage, which is impressive because it's a hard book to find. Yeah.

0:19:15 Thomas: Much uh it it gets it gets bad it

0:19:16 Tom: Yeah yeah you can't even read it right now

0:19:18 Thomas: Gets bad the anger the anger issues are bad so I'm I'm on edge but this is a thing she has to fucking do she has it's like her homework and like I said it was going well she was feeling positive about it that doesn't mean anything because at a second's notice it could change to a nuclear bom going off but anyway going pretty well and then she's like what if I win I I hope I win, but she was talking about it in a really nice way. And I was happy because I was getting worried.

0:19:44 Eli: Wasn't punching me.

0:19:44 Thomas: Like, am I? Yeah. Well, here's what I was worried and what I want to talk about. This is a thing. And ultimately Arlo had to do it too. And I can't wait to talk About his, this is a thing where apparently they have to do it and it's a contest. That's going to have real results that where it's going to like, so this is them doing a thing Yeah.

0:20:01 Eli: They're killing the kid who comes in last place. She's doing the long walk. I forgot. It's not a jog -a -thon. It's the long -walk -athon.

0:20:06 Tom: Yeah I was just saying so here hear me out so they they start walking yeah four miles an

0:20:09 Thomas: Yeah. There's going to be no way to pretend that she won if she didn't is what I'm saying. So there's no that she if she's like, I'm going to win. I'm gonna win. I'm Gonna win.

0:20:18 Eli: She's not getting a participation trophy for this one.

0:20:21 Tom: Hour right yeah

0:20:21 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm worried because instantly it heretofore it's been like I'm pretty good with the just like I's fine encouraging my kid and hey is my picture good? Yeah, it's my fucking favorite picture in the world. I'm Going to frame it. I'm fine with all that stuff because I love it. Like I just don't I already love my kids stuff so much even even it is that's what I'm saying.

0:20:39 Eli: And it is your favorite picture in the world. Fucking waterboard me.

0:20:42 Thomas: No matter what it is. Yeah, it absolutely is. But as Phoebe's getting a little older and now there's a thing where it's like, I can't just say like, yes, you are going to win this contest. You know, like I didn't, I didn'T want to play into that per se, but I hear in the back of my mind, I hear my parents who would have done the opposite, which would have been like, don't even, are you fucking kidding?

0:21:02 Eli: Who would have brought you into the dining room and been like, Everyone, we're doing a roast of Thomas' dreams. Everyone do your best. Five. Then dad, of course, will finish with a strong 30. He's sort of our closer. Andrew Dice Clay. Yeah.

0:21:13 Thomas: To be fair, to be fair because it's relevant to the conversation. It was more just like if we're like, oh, I'm going to win. They just be like, Oh, well, you know, there's a lot of kids in, you know, whatever. Or it would be very dismissive. It'd be very, if not like outright abusive, it would, it was a lot of realism, you know, it was a lot of realism. Like I remember when I was in fucking fourth grade and said I wanted to play in the NBA and they had to be like that's fucking stupid.

0:21:37 Thomas: Just let your fourth grade boy think they will complain the NBA. Like, is there any, what's the downside of letting,

0:21:42 Tom: By the time he finds out you're lying, all of his other dreams have been crushed a long time ago. So it's fine. Right? Yeah. Right.

0:21:45 Thomas: But by the time he finds out he's white, it'll be, it's fine.

0:21:49 Eli: Yeah. You know who got told he was good enough to play in the NBA? Every child in the NBA.

0:21:57 Thomas: I thought you were going to say you.

0:21:57 Eli: Every single one of them. Now, that too. And I'm fine. Turned out great. Crushing it. Chat GPT. I don't know if you heard earlier.

0:22:12 Ad: [Ad break 2 — ad music]

0:22:14 Thomas: And so I wanted to find the line. I want to talk about like the realism thing, because I think I pulled this off pretty, pretty decently because she was like, oh, is it good? Daddy? You think it's good? Yeah, I love it. It's great. It's awesome. And, uh, I genuinely was like it looks so good. And she's like, do you think I'm going to win? I was like, you know, I think you have a great chance. I will see how, you know, and then I asked her, I was like, yeah, can you stay healthy? I was like, oh, how many? And I just was trying to get the information. I was like, is it in your class or is it like the whole school? You know, she's like, well, it's the whole school. I was like okay, well

0:22:34 Tom: A lot about the coaching. You know, if we can keep everybody healthy. Yeah. Right.

0:22:36 Eli: Yeah. As long as nobody gets hurt. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah.

0:22:49 Tom: Oh, geez, kid.

0:22:49 Thomas: There's probably well, the the good thing about kids is they are aware that bigger kids and by bigger kids, even like a year or two are like gods, you know, like at that age they are.

0:22:51 Eli: Thomas, if I can give you a note, the fact that you bent over double when she said that and went, ah, fuck. I think that was probably not the best strategy. Yeah.

0:23:07 Thomas: I was like, oh, so the, are the bigger kids doing it too? Like, I just was kind of trying to Socrates method. It was like also like, even the, like, you Know, the sixth grade or whatever. And she's like, yeah. Oh yeah. I guess they're going to be really good. Probably. I Was like, Oh yeah, maybe they'll be really good. Yeah. Who knows?

0:23:19 Eli: Yeah. One of those shoe -tying motherfuckers would probably steal it from you.

0:23:25 Thomas: And it just was great because it, I was doing my best. I just didn't want her to get set on I phoebe smith and gonna win I'm so my all my eggs are in the basket of I'm gonna win this contest because she can do that stuff yeah

0:23:36 Eli: And I'm shooting Remy if I don't, damn it. Yeah.

0:23:37 Tom: Because she's not gonna fucking win I get it yeah right

0:23:39 Thomas: Yeah and and and she is a kid that has these kind of heartbreaks and has these like that you know like she's a volatile emotionally kid and I was worried about her getting her hopes up for something in a severe way but I so I just wanted to temper it a little bit but in a stay positive way and and I didn't want to shut her down and what I told her, okay, here's a phase I forgot to tell. So when she was in the design phase and she was like, oh, and we were talking about like what might win and all that. I was like, well,

0:24:10 Eli: What if I tell him a single drop of blood could diagnose someone's medical conditions?

0:24:13 Thomas: I was like hey, okay. She was kind of asking me for help a little bit and I was like, I'm not going to draw it for you, but

0:24:20 Eli: She sounds like a fucking cheater to me.

0:24:20 Thomas: I was maybe going to help her with ideas maybe. And I was okay, if you think about something like this and I went into the mode of here's Thomas mode of doing things that I will not enforce upon you, but is available for like perusing. Cause I was an Eli. Well, no, no. I think, well, yes, that too. But I thought Eli might relate to this because for a moment I was like, okay, well here's what I would do. Like I imagine I told her, I was Like, so everybody's going to like walk through, they're going to get put up on the walls of the school or whatever. And people are going to walk do some walking tour and then do their boat. Right. And so I was telling her, I was like, well, imagine what that's going to be like. Cause they're going to be looking at like, I don't know, hundreds of these fucking things. And they're all going to do shitty Eagles. They're all gonna look like the same garbage that you, I mean, uh,

0:24:36 Eli: If you're interested in being correct about how to build your Stardew Valley form Dad, you're using a lot of language I'm not really ready for Shitty eagles I'm writing Taking notes Charlie

0:25:10 Thomas: No, I Was like, there's going to be a lot of people. So I was like, people, I was like the one that wins. I got, I got to imagine people are going to remember. It's going to be like one that's going to stick out. And, and I told her, I was like the way I used to do stuff, it was, it was this, this has been around before that. Otherwise, yes, absolutely. I knew about it. Yeah. I told her, I was like, well, I would probably try to do something funny. I was, like, okay, here's an idea. Why don't, why don't you do, what if you drew the top of the eagle totally normal, like the mascot, and then you drew some, like human running legs with running shoes on it, because it is about the jog -a -thon, you know, it's for the jog

0:25:25 Eli: Kirk Memorial Yeah, but you did it, so you knew

0:25:32 Tom: Yeah because if you're laughing nothing hurts phoebe if you'RE LAUGHING NOTHING

0:25:50 Thomas: -athon shirt. I, was ,like, well you could try that, because I thought in my mind, I ,was ,like that's funny. It's something she could probably do. It ,s ,like not that hard to do, and I ,as ,like Like, that does kind of have a chance of being funny enough to win. It was like an eagle on the top, but then like the running legs, you know, like on the bottom with the shoes. And she's like, no, I don't want to do that. I was like, all right, that's fine.

0:25:50 Eli: Boo!

0:26:09 Thomas: I was, like, you don't have to do it. You know, just something funny, you Know,

0:26:08 Tom: HURTS yeah dad did you have any good ideas maybe if you had a good idea I would try

0:26:14 Eli: This new generation, they're not ready for that fucking OG yuck yuck humor They need something edgy They need Something sharp top half is the eagle bottom half jerking a six seven off onto obama's grave that's what I'm talking about that's how you win prizes with these kids

0:26:29 Thomas: I, I Don't Even Know It. This Has Gone Off The Rails. So, It Was Nice Because I Was Like, Well, Here's What I Would Do Is Try To, Try To Stand Out Or Try To Be Funny. Funny because it is going to be and all I wanted her to do was not not to shut her down but to at least if she's going to Be like in the mode of I'm going to win this thing you know I was like visualize what it's going To be like to try to you know, I went into that like performer mode in a way Eli that I'm sure you had and I had as a kid where it was like for some reason every school thing I don't know where I got this I guess my dad or something although he didn't do things like this but he was funny but every school thing was my opportunity to be like how am I going to make everybody laugh. You know, like every single school event or anything or

0:26:32 Eli: Onto rails for sure

0:27:11 Thomas: Contest or homework or presentation. And I, Tom, I imagine, you know, I feel like you, were you that same way? I don't know if I've heard as many stories of that, but like being that like class clown entertainer at all kind of thing.

0:27:22 Tom: Oh absolutely yeah I figured that shit out I remember actually figuring that out in sixth grade I was like all right if they're laughing I'm not in trouble and I can do what I want so yeah

0:27:24 Thomas: Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, for sure. So I was like, oh, he was like this eye comes all the way out and I can put it back in. It's still, it's still kind of works. No, they didn't have have that technology back then I wish they did yeah the face of death is the cop it's not her yeah uh but but it was interesting because I realized like oh yeah I went into the for a moment I was back at school like okay how's this gonna be funny how I'm gonna stand out I'm gonna do whatever and it was nice to be able to offer her like hey yeah if you want to like imagine what the audience is I was trying to do that like just put yourself in the place of whoever whoever the audience is, as we always talk about so much of life is like, know your audience, you know, like know your, what they're going to be thinking and what they'RE going to be wanting. And, you know I was like, try to come up with a funny idea. And in the end it was so funny because she listened. She was like no, I don't want to do that. So here's my ego. It looks pretty good.

0:27:32 Eli: Wiggling his swollen head for everybody huh huh who wants to watch a video of my mom fighting a cop it's on faces of death She won. It's my mom. Yep,

0:28:29 Thomas: I was Like, it looks fucking, it's great. It looks awesome. So good. And she was still very positive about it. And I felt like I walked that tightrope of like, I kept positive and she still was like maybe I'll win. And in the end, it was really sweet because she was like, I hope I win. But in a way that wasn't like her heart was set on it. And she's like planning her fucking victory speech in a way that, you know, then I have to, gonna have to deal with this depressing, like come down after she doesn't or whatever. And I just wanted to talk about like how much dose of realism and win, because I could have just been like, you're going to fucking win. You're going to win this whole thing. You're gonna win this. Look at me.

0:28:31 Eli: Cool, yeah. You drew the same eagle everyone else did.

0:29:05 Thomas: You're Rembrandt. You're Going to Win This Fucking Thing. Cheating. Yeah, because there's that's the Eli Bosnick method.

0:29:05 Eli: If you don't win, it's because someone else cheated.

0:29:11 Tom: Do they allow mail -in ballots, Phoebe? If they allow male in ballots, that's a motherfucking piece of shit.

0:29:12 Thomas: And then. Yeah.

0:29:15 Eli: We're going to fucking pack that box, I swear to you. I swear on your mother's life. I will drive this kitchen knife into your mother. Your mother's chest while she sleeps tonight. If you don't win this prize but mama's gonna live forever because that's the best fucking eagle your daddy's ever seen

0:29:34 Thomas: So my question to you folks was like, at what age? Now, imagine she's a little older, you know, like how things like this might go. And I wanted to hear your thoughts on like, on the scale of one being my dad and 10 being Eli, like where, where on the realism scale should you be on your kids and when, like, depending on the age of when, like, is there any sense that if they're in 12th grade and they're getting super carried away with like, oh yeah, I'm going to get into Harvard and they have all Fs, you know, like at what point are you like, I don't know, you know?

0:29:49 Eli: Isn't the world filled with enough disappointments as someone who is a 10 and was provided a 10 I promise they'll be informed about the oncoming onslaught of constant relentless failure and disappointment I don't know why we feel like we nothing about being prepared for that made it any easier because I remember remember

0:30:26 Thomas: Well, you weren't prepared for it though.

0:30:27 Eli: I was sports no because I did sports my parents were like hey just so you know you're not very fast and I was like okay but I'm gonna try my hardest yeah no of course because I wanted to be my dad right so the first the first person I tried to be was an athlete because I was my father's son right and I Was big boned or I was you know, you just haven't gotten out there you get the game in your right my dad had all these nice things he would say about how like I would transform into a somehow a good athlete and then I played sports like two or three times I remember just being like I'm getting slower as I got older because all the other kids got fat yeah all the other kids would learn how to run and so they finally they were like hey you fat piece of shit you know how you eat a bag of craisins every night before bed that's why you can't run fast and also you just want to sit inside with your legs tucked under you all day your feet are asleep half the time you're on them why would you think you're good at running and it didn't make it any less painful didn't make me

0:30:33 Thomas: Oh so they oh okay

0:30:57 Tom: Yeah kids are getting faster yeah yeah

0:31:24 Eli: Any less hopeful and then it's just it's you don't have to contribute to the disappointments of life for your children they look the universe isn't going to provide your kid much but an all -you -can -eat buffet of disappointment and reality checks is guaranteed

0:31:39 Thomas: Right that's fair

0:31:40 Tom: Yeah like the way I've always managed it with my kids is I just hope with them right so if they're like I'm gonna win I'm like I hope so man I hope still let's put our best effort into it let's do it I hope you're gonna win too man what I do is I don't I don't like say yeah you you are fuck yeah like oh you know actually there's gonna be 300 kids chances of success are pretty low here yeah like I don't do any of that sort of like I just hope with them like I just try to share that excitement and share that space with them without any commentary and be a little non -committal either way yeah man I hope so let's do it how's it going this looks great I think this is a good entry we're gonna do a good job let's try our best and like that works for me

0:32:17 Thomas: I hear that have they ever asked you for help and then do you have because the thing that was with just anything yeah I don't know like oh okay

0:32:21 Tom: Ask me for help oh no I'm incompetent at all things like kids don't want my help with anything no like that they might ask good people in our household yeah

0:32:28 Thomas: Oh okay that's a great scheme you've gotten well because yeah I there was the line between like okay do I just pure encouragement, which I think I would have been fine with, but then she's asking for help and ideas. And so part of me was like wanting to start the process of like maybe thinking about your audience a little bit. Like if you wanted to try to win, like what would you think about, but in a very low stakes, not pressure way. And so I guess I just asked, cause it's like a bit more of an active role than just the like, Oh, I hope you win. You know? And I was wondering if you had any like experience of that.

0:33:01 Tom: Well I think the same I think I would probably manage I mean I'm goofing around like of course I've helped the kids

0:33:04 Eli: You're gonna be dead in 10 years from climate change anyways I don't really see the point of drawing it legal you know what see how much paper they'll give you and you could burn it for warmth when everyone's hunting each other for gasoline. How about that? That's what daddy really thinks. Boop!

0:33:07 Tom: Like yeah right yeah womp womp when

0:33:21 Thomas: We all lose oh

0:33:27 Ad: [Ad break 3 — ad music]

0:33:29 Tom: I help the kids with stuff then I'll just transfer my language to like I think this is our best shot man I think like we've done a good job we've tried our best. That's all we can do. Let's see what the other kids do. Again, like what I try to do with that stuff is just try to feel them out and share their space with them, like share whatever emotional space they're in and like try to be in that same place of positivity. Now, if they're worried, like I think what you're expressing though is like,

0:33:33 Thomas: That's good I like that that's good stuff

0:33:53 Tom: Phoebe's an anxious kid and this is going to be a big deal. Like she's going to get upset if she doesn't win. And I will say like, Like, I don't know that any of my kids have ever had like a lot of eggs in their basket ahead of time for that. I've had them be disappointed when things haven't worked out.

0:34:05 Thomas: Jesus god I'm just like imagining the life that would the possibilities

0:34:12 Tom: Yeah, I know. I mean, it's not like I don't have kids that are not anxious. I have kids that definitely have anxious kids. I very much have anxious kids and that have struggled with like big emotions and self regulation and all of those sorts of things. I'm not sure that they've ever put a lot of eggs in a basket of that specific kind before.

0:34:13 Eli: Tom,

0:34:17 Thomas: Right yeah fair

0:34:32 Tom: For. But I do feel like the same tactic would probably work out is like, yeah, man, let's get excited because I want to be excited. If you're excited, I want to help you. I think this is going to be great. This is awesome. Do you think I'm going to win, dad? I don't know, man. But we're going to do our best. That's what we're going to, you know, and just try to not commit either way because you really can. It's sort of like being a doctor.

0:34:31 Thomas: Hmm

0:34:52 Tom: It's like, hey, am I going to be all right? Well, we're gonna do our best.

0:34:47 Thomas: Yeah right

0:34:56 Tom: You know, like the doctor never says like, you're gonna be just fine kid like they don't ever do that I'll tell you that yeah they

0:34:54 Thomas: Yeah they do say they're like, oh, if we can stay healthy.

0:35:05 Eli: I should clarify, they do say it to other people. I know they don't say it to anyone you know or have ever known, but that's because you ran over that witch with your car two lives ago, and that's really on you. The first, yeah, the Studebaker.

0:35:09 Tom: Really they really don't yeah god

0:35:17 Thomas: Didn't give a witch a mortgage, I think we determined. Yeah.

0:35:19 Tom: Damn it, I gotta give him the mortgage bitch.

0:35:24 Eli: Tom's after the end credits of Drag Me to Hell. He just hasn't noticed he's been dragged to hell. I wonder why we went through that big fire hole, but it was like the ninth worst thing that happened to me that week, so I just kind of moved

0:35:30 Thomas: Yeah. It's a little warm. Yeah, it's like a it's a little warmer than.

0:35:39 Tom: Anyway.

0:35:40 Eli: On past it. My eyes coffee melted.

0:35:43 Thomas: So I like this approach. My response to Eli was going to be just the I get it. I think the one consideration is credibility because, and maybe this was just a result of the harsh difference between my mom and my dad is, and don't, don't do this. Anyone listening? Don't do This. Don't be my dad in any way, because once my dad was more withholding with his praise and more and harder to please, then my mom became irrelevant. And we're just like, well, we don't give a shit what she thinks.

0:36:10 Tom: That's interesting.

0:36:11 Thomas: Yeah. It's, it's like whenever you have that withholding parent, I just, I think it's pretty, I've heard this from a lot of people. I don't know if it's like universal, but I do think it tends to be this way where it's like if you have the parent who's pretty loving and my mom also had her moments in different ways, but she was the one who was going to be in like she was going to be encouraging with stuff and it became like, OK, well, nothing she says matters because she's kind of full of shit, you know, like she's not going to whereas my dad was the harsh, you know, realism of the that seemed so much like more correct and like, you know, more realistic and harder to please. And so setting that aside, is there any sense in which if you go the Eli method and you're pretty much just trying to encourage them all the time, do you risk them just not thinking you're credible at all and then kind of devaluing what you're saying?

0:36:28 Eli: She did the best she could. Not an issue for me, Thomas.

0:37:03 Thomas: Well, OK, what do you mean?

0:37:05 Eli: Nothing I say is true. Nothing I says is true is going to show up and be like, so you didn't invent. You understand that at some point my son is going gonna say to me wait did you actually invent the macarena do you understand the levels that I'm working at thomas smith do you understanding yeah get on my level man

0:37:18 Thomas: That's fair. No, I, you know, for a moment I didn't. And that's on me. Really, I hear you. Yeah.

0:37:25 Tom: Well also eli's entire life plan or life trajectory is to make sure that oh there's a contest that max can win I'm going to fucking kneecap yeah like fucking tanya harding style all these toddlers or whatever it takes in order for max to

0:37:35 Thomas: Rig it. Yeah. It's a drawing contest why are you breaking our legs ah sorry it's

0:37:44 Tom: Win just just try to cover my dot dot and I's and cross and t's dot and I's and cross and T's kid

0:37:45 Eli: The can't collect your trophy if you can't make it to the front of the room see that's what I was gonna say is I was gonna say my thomas -esque advice on how to win would be like mommy plus plus heaven equals eagle fun, right? Just like the most empathetic possible, yeah. You gotta substitute those R's for W's, buddies. They're gonna love it. Yeah, exactly.

0:38:01 Thomas: Gotta yeah like sympathetic yeah RIP my little hero make up a brother that died

0:38:12 Eli: If you think I'm not gonna sit my son down and explain to like, hey, look, these are the common people and they need an opiate, right, these masses, they need an opiate. So we're gonna go ahead and start a little religion for your friends here at school. Have you considered that? Come on, daddy's gonna teach you a magic trick that half of them will think are God. Come on. Let's do it.

0:38:28 Thomas: We write on the paper and with remy's dying wish the thing he said that he wanted most was for me to win this contest if I could just please win this contest it's what Remy

0:38:35 Eli: Love you rap rap I'll see you up in the sky someday with charlie kirk yeah exactly and fucking yeah first

0:38:41 Tom: Jesus

0:38:40 Thomas: Wanted we'll all be together again I'll be holding remy during it

0:38:41 Eli: Prize yeah and the newspaper will come in and they'll do a big article on him brave little boy and then four weeks later when some fucking nerd is like it turns out he didn't have a brother boo whatever put it on the bottom of page 47 you cuck who cares you want your kid to be happy or you want your kid to live in reality because the second thing's not an option

0:38:58 Thomas: That's oh boy that's too

0:38:58 Tom: Christ yeah they are mutually exclusive to each other right yeah let me address your question in good faith thomas because there's no other way I think I think yeah I do think you could very easily create a credibility problem like with your kids if you are constantly telling them that they are the best at something when they're not or try like constantly like talking them up in ways that are unrealistic eli said at the beginning like the world is going to show them what's true at some point right and so like if you keep feeding them a message that is just diametrically opposed to their experience you're gonna look like an asshole at some point right so I do think I do you think that the the real response that makes the most sense is to be I guess like non-committally encouraging where you're not sort of promising shit that you have no ability to make happen

0:39:09 Eli: Rude

0:39:49 Thomas: So it'd be like a supreme court justice in a confirmation hearing drawing

0:39:52 Eli: Yeah so you got to excuse yourself yeah

0:39:53 Tom: Yeah right yeah you have to be the ultimate diplomat I really do think like as a parent you have to be this fucking like you know fucking always be closing you know like kind of salesperson right where you're you want to make sure that they walk away feeling like excited and encouraged and their love for the game or the project or school or whatever it goes undiminished because you don't want to take that away from them but like at the same time you don't want to be like man you are the best when you're like you've never hit a layup not one fucking time have you had like I've said on this show before but like I try to join I think I told this story did I tell you the story about when I tried to join band to play the

0:40:15 Thomas: Eagles yeah oh no I don't think I know this

0:40:33 Tom: Drums oh this is a great

0:40:33 Thomas: One actually I remember the wrestling thing but that's not yeah different

0:40:37 Tom: So I moved from fourth grade to fifth grade in the beginning of my fifth grade year I moved from Chicago public school which had like no resources or extracurricular activities and was a fucking nightmare to the suburbs like the southern suburbs which were very nice and they had all kinds of clubs and band and activity and all this stuff right they had all this and one day they come in and they say anybody want to join band and I was like to join band? That sounds awesome, right? And they're like, what do you want to play? And I was like, I could just pick whatever the fuck I want to pay.

0:41:05 Tom: This sounds fun. So I was like, I want to play the drums. That's badass. I want to be a drummer. That's definitely what I want to do. So I go home and tell my dad, dad, I joined band and I'm playing the drums and it's like every parent's worst nightmare. If I had come home and been like, in fifth grade, I've impregnated seven women. He would have been like that is way better news than you're playing the drum.

0:41:05 Thomas: Story yeah

0:41:24 Eli: Or at least it's a quiet impregnation

0:41:26 Tom: Yeah, you can head over to Planned Parenthood and fix that. But a drum is a problem, right. I'm all excited. I want to play the drums. So my dad buys me a snare drum and some sticks and stuff. And I go, yeah,

0:41:28 Eli: Good

0:41:29 Thomas: I thought he made it out of wood He made me a wooden snare drum.

0:41:37 Tom: He did make my practice pad.

0:41:40 Thomas: Oh, that's fucking sweet.

0:41:40 Tom: He had a wooden practice pad and he made it for me.

0:41:42 Thomas: Your dad ruled, actually. Your dad continues to rule.

0:41:44 Tom: My dad's a great guy. Yeah. My dad's a great guy.

0:41:44 Eli: No, Tom's dad is Hitler. Stop getting confused it's true

0:41:51 Tom: It's not even remotely.

0:41:47 Thomas: Nah, Tom's dad rules. He was at Chan Six, but like, I forgive him, you know? He's been pardoned. He's being pardoned! I know, I know.

0:41:54 Tom: My dad hated Trump before it was cool. I'll tell you that. But it turns out shock of shocks that I have absolutely no sense of rhythm whatsoever. Like, and when I say no sense of rhythm what I mean is an actual pathological inability to perform rhythmically in any way even by accident and it has carried on into my what am I, 47 if we go to a concert and everybody's clapping, I will be the guy clapping 60,000 people could be clapping to the song and I'll be the one lone clap that's off beat that That is just me. And you can hear it echo like a fucking sin across the entire. So it's bad. It's really bad.

0:42:14 Thomas: Will it be like one pajama party ago where people started clapping to Anna's song, but they clapped one and three? And so I forced everybody to clap two and four and then you'd be clapping the fibonacci sequence yeah there's

0:42:49 Tom: I would be clapping like two and then randomly three and then one. Yeah. It's fucking insane. Like I am an, my body doesn't even accidentally move to the rhythm. So it is crazy.

0:42:59 Thomas: One more part that was great which was jeff blackwell afterwards was like jeez thomas you have what the you have no fucking like you made some comment like I was fucking up and I was like I'm sorry you're you fucking nerds had no idea that you need to clap on two and four and not one and three and I saw when I changed it Anna gave me like the most relieved look as she was performing, she gave me a knowing nod. Or it's all in my head. Maybe I'm living in a dream right now, but I remember Anna giving me a knowing nod and I was like, yeah, man, like you can't they can't be clapping on one and three fucking kidding me. Anyway, end of story. Sorry.

0:43:09 Tom: Like I have no rhythm. Right. Yeah. All right. So, so I was exceptionally bad at playing the drum. Like I was terrible. And at no point should anybody have told me that like I was ready to go on tour or someday I would be a great drummer because it turns out I was so bad at playing the drum that I stayed in beginner band until they were like we no longer have beginner band. It's seventh grade you're kicked out of band you are not allowed to be in band anymore because you're bad at it yeah they're just like we're canceling the whole program at school right and

0:43:58 Eli: We're not doing band anymore.

0:44:01 Thomas: Like there's been some deep funding cuts. Yeah, we cut it.

0:44:05 Tom: Look they were right to kick me out I never got any better from like I would go home and I would diligently practice

0:44:10 Thomas: Some kids don't have any potential. You know, it's important.

0:44:12 Tom: Yeah, and I just was bad and I never got better and I'd never learned to get better despite my practice despite my diligence

0:44:19 Thomas: You actually practiced and didn't get... Wow. Okay.

0:44:22 Tom: Yeah, I just... horrible, just literally just body can't do it at all, it's comically terrible, like so like nobody should tell me I'm good at that right that would be mean to me because what happens is after two years of trying really fucking hard I get kicked out of the lowest level of band because that level doesn't exist anymore. We have to be kind of realistic. My dad was never shitty. He praised me for practicing. He told me I was trying hard and he appreciated he could see how hard I was doing. So he would make comments that were positive. Like the comments he made that were positive were based on the things I was doing, not the like result I was creating. Right. Because I created a shit result. It was a bad result. Yeah. Oh, I think he was so grateful. I think he must've been kudos to that man because like I was diligent. So that means that he had to listen

0:45:03 Thomas: He's like, I loved how you stopped playing at the end of that. Oof.

0:45:14 Tom: To my bad drumming for two years.

0:45:19 Thomas: Can we get a version of Whiplash where he practices like crazy, but just sucks the whole time and never gets any better? Yeah. Okay.

0:45:25 Eli: Never quite my tempo. Not even close. I don't know why I brought you up to the senior band.

0:45:30 Clip: Dear old dad

0:45:30 Tom: God, so bad.

0:45:37 Eli: All right, gentlemen. Before we go, where did the self-proclaimed prostitute come from? Idaho.

0:45:47 Thomas: Worth the wait worth the

0:45:49 Tom: That was a good one.

0:45:53 Eli: Well, don't keep the weight in that.

0:45:54 Thomas: Weight No, I made it longer I'm gonna go

0:46:44 Tom: Tylenol, don't take it. Don't take it. And if you can't live, if your fever is so bad, you have to take one because there's no alternative to that, sadly. First question, what can you take instead? Actually, that's not an alternative to that. As you know, other medicines have been proven bad with the aspirins and Advils and others, right?

0:47:04 Tom: Stop with the athons! I'm done with athans!

0:47:02 Thomas: Ahead, Eli. You're funnier

0:47:08 Eli: Grown-ups can wear them and have sex with each other. But mama's gonna live forever, because that's the best fucking eagle your daddy's ever seen.

0:47:16 Tom: Oh no, I'm incompetent at all things.