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Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:29 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast you're not ready to hear. I'm Tom Curry. I am joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:38 Thomas: Half our audience just turns it off. Like, oh, okay, he said I wasn't ready to hear it.

0:00:40 Tom: Oh, I wasn't ready.

0:00:41 Thomas: Shit, we just fucked our listenership.

0:00:42 Tom: All right. Well, okay.

0:00:40 Eli: He said I wasn't ready. That was explicitly to Finn. He's just really trying to get Finn to stop listening to the shows.

0:00:44 Tom: Become a

0:00:47 Thomas: Oh, hey, if you want to know what that's about, patreon.com/ Drolldex. Oh,

0:00:50 Tom: Patron.

0:00:51 Eli: A patron. Is that our fastest patron plug ever? Is that what we're doing? Rip into it. My

0:00:57 Tom: Ripping into it. You have new tools to rip into it if you, you want to Eli

0:00:57 Eli: God.

0:00:58 Thomas: But casual talk beforehand though. I don't, uh,

0:01:04 Eli: You're the one who jumped the gun. Your is all over my tummy.

0:01:08 Thomas: Eli, you made the reference to the patron, if I make an explicit reference to a patron only thing what?

0:01:08 Tom: It happens it's a compliment it's

0:01:09 Eli: Your ejaculate is all around me. All over my dummy. Don't talk to me about how fast I moved.

0:01:15 Thomas: What are we supposed to say? You made reference to patron, only think the audience was going to be confused. It's not my fault.

0:01:20 Eli: You know, whenever I say something like, your ejaculate is all over my tummy, I picture someone navigating the parenting charts of iTunes. Perhaps it's four in the morning, right? And their child won't stop screaming, right, as a dad. And he's like, I just, I need advice, man to man. And he scrolls past the hundreds of Christian podcasts and, you know, podcasts aimed at women. He sees the nostalgic photo of Tom riding a bike with his dad. And ten seconds in, here's your cum is all over my tummy. Welcome, friend.

0:01:32 Thomas: Baby's screaming. Yeah. I need help. I just need some advice.

0:01:53 Thomas: And the baby goes right to sleep.

0:01:55 Tom: There's something by the way, deeply unsettling about the word "cum" and "tummy" in the same it's

0:01:55 Eli: And baby goes right to sleep.

0:01:56 Thomas: Solves it. It is because of stomach hair to me. That is what it does it.

0:02:02 Tom: Just the word "tummy," like, it's It's a very juvenile word with, to mix with ejaculate or

0:02:04 Thomas: Oh, that is fair. Yeah, that's a good point.

0:02:08 Tom: God.

0:02:08 Eli: Abs? Your cum is over my abs. And Tom's like, that's what I'm talking about. Like a gentleman.

0:02:09 Tom: It's Jesus

0:02:13 Thomas: Well, they are called cum gutters for a reason, so to

0:02:15 Tom: Christ.

0:02:16 Eli: That's right. There we go. Hey, we actually got a little special announcement for you. Today's show is about advice. Yeah? Specifically, the advice you're now ready to hear. But we, podcast listener, are ready to hear your advice about giving advice.

0:02:32 Thomas: Give what we are ready to give advice is the thing he was trying to say.

0:02:37 Tom: What? That was tortured.

0:02:39 Thomas: He was so close.

0:02:38 Eli: Never mind. Look, the truth is, a bunch of you have reached out and said, hey, I a question. I have an topic. I think you guys should talk about this. I want to know about this, and usually we keep that in the AMAs over at patreon .com forward slash dear old dad's care. But, but now some of these are so good that we want to bring them to the mainstream. And since we don't talk about it, we're taking a second to talk about this. We can tell you that you can email us your questions to be talked about on the fucking podcast at the dads at dear old dads dot com. That's the dads at DearOldDads dot com. Hit us with your questions, we'll give you advice, we'll chime in on topics that we're not experts on, and we'll probably fuck it up.

0:03:24 Tom: And Hey, if you email us a question, you can't then get mad that we talk about your question. I just want to say to the audience, that's not allowed. You cannot email us something and be like, this is just between us.

0:03:29 Eli: That's so fucking crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Now,

0:03:38 Tom: No, it's not. I don't know you. Don't do that. Please just don't dothat to any podcast. That's weird.

0:03:45 Eli: Wantto clarify for those who are worried, right? Never happened, right? We've never accidentally read someone's stuff on air and then they've been like, "Oh my god, they found the gold before I could get to it," Indiana Jones, right? But we have had people write to us, and then I or someone on our crew has been like, "Hey, can they talk about this on air?" And then that person has been like, "No, that's private," and I've been like, "Oh my god, there's been an unfortunate email accident where you sent it to a radio program." I'm so glad we intervened before it was too late. You, if you got cool fuck stuff you want us to talk about, we will anonymize it for you, right? Like, if You want to get it wet and tummy hairless, like, yeah, but we'll keep it private for you if you want. We'll change it around, but you got to tell us. You got to Tell Us at TheDads at DearOldDads.com.

0:04:38 Thomas: And Reason this is a separate thing is because, because this is not questions for, like, us, like, "Hey, Eli, what's your favorite magic? We're, here's what I want to do personally. I want you to tell me about the argument you and your partner having, and I want To tell you who's right or wrong. So you can do those.

0:04:42 Eli: Yeah, AMAs, yeah. No, those, eh, they got to fork over the dough. Yeah. Yeah.

0:04:53 Thomas: You can do advice. You Can do whatever.

0:04:53 Eli: And like to know the genders of both partners so I can agree with the left. Privileged privileged one every time that's So just let me know for for me.

0:05:05 Tom: This is a good idea. This gives us an opportunity to judge our audience at a personal level. You know and alienate them one by one

0:05:09 Eli: And they've had the reverse opportunity for way too long, can I say?

0:05:11 Tom: Yeah. That's true. All right, so I found this fucking nonsensical unhinged junk over at upworthy .com and I thought, when I see nonsensical unhinge junk, I think Dear Old Dads. Let me bring this over as content. No, this is just, it's, it's adults share things teens aren't ready to hear, and it's some solid advice for all ages. What this is, is, is just, just like content farming from Reddit that somebody made into a listicle, right? Some of it is actually okay, and so much of it ist just like hating on kids and, like, being complete shit. I thought it'd be really fun to kind of go through it, so let's, let's walk through some of this, uh, advice that the, the teens aren't ready to hear, um,

0:05:26 Eli: Old dads, come

0:05:44 Thomas: Yeah.

0:05:55 Thomas: Really is just a naked appeal to like, "Hey, are you someone who feels like you should be gifted some sort of advantage or privilege through no fault of yours other than that time went by and a clock happened?" Well we've got the thing for you. These younger people are not ready to hear your wisdom. You, I

0:06:07 Eli: On over.

0:06:14 Tom: Here's the first little bit of 17 pieces of, of real deep, deep wisdom. Number one: everything you do as a teenager will be cringe to your children. Yeah.

0:06:24 Eli: That's true for me but that's also true of the things I do as an adult and as all times forever.

0:06:28 Thomas: Don't

0:06:30 Tom: Do my kids know what I did as a teenage?

0:06:33 Eli: Well, you talked about it on this podcast and they listen.

0:06:35 Tom: It's a fluke, right?

0:06:39 Thomas: This is more designed, this is not designed for you, Tom, this is designed for your teenagers, so you can try to take them down a peg. You know, it's not about

0:06:40 Tom: Yeah.

0:06:46 Eli: That's right. There's

0:06:47 Tom: So But, but in this, like, I'm telling them, them, like, "Well, when I was a teenager, here's how we did it," and then they're cringing at that, like.

0:06:47 Thomas: Yeah. No. It's, you're telling them, "Hey, when you tell your kids that you were doing this, they're going to think it's dumb. It's a way to bring them down a peg and say, like, you're not as cool as you think.

0:06:57 Tom: Oh. Oh. Right. Right. Yeah. Okay. But I kind of like that, like, maybe the kids, yeah, yes.

0:07:06 Eli: Well, there's such tragedy behind this piece of advice, right? Because it means that their kids were hanging out, and their dad walked in, and he was like, "You know, when it was a day like that day, I used to run on down to the old fishing hole, and me and my buddy would fish," and his son was like, "I bet you guys fucked," and he was like, "Oh, I don't know." Right, on Reddit, that you're not ready for this advice because you're not, not ready for this advice. Oh, now

0:07:29 Thomas: Kid was like, shut the skivvity toilet the fuck out of here. He's like, oh, don't understand that.

0:07:36 Tom: It is funny though, like, I, I will look at my kids as they, like, they're, they're teenagers and when And I'm like, oh, God. And then I'm, like, yeah, but I'm old. Like, I shouldn't like your music. Like, you listen to bad music. I'm supposed to think it's bad. I'm opposed to think that. Objectively, it's bad. But, like... Not all of it. Like, Aislinn listens to pretty good music. But, the others, no.

0:07:59 Tom: Not so much. Aisling's musical taste is pretty solid.

0:07:58 Thomas: I love that. That's that's

0:08:02 Tom: I will give her that.

0:08:02 Thomas: So awesome. I love I love that comment.

0:08:03 Eli: I'm just picturing her rocking out to dad rock but I won't do that yeah, that's

0:08:07 Thomas: Yeah. A .C .D .C.. Yeah. Yeah.

0:08:09 Tom: She listens to some pretty good music. Like, we have a... We and Hayley and Aislyn have a lot of musical taste in common. It's funny though that, like, Donovan listens to, like, 90s stuff, but it's a lot of stuff I hated in the 90s like it's like Lincoln Park and Pearl Jam and like some like really bad in my opinion, like some really bad, like, like death and thrash metal and I'm just like, oh, this is this is atrocious, like this is just atrocious, but like, I'm supposed to think it's atrocious. It's like I was less cringy when I was a teenager listening to fucking Nine Inch Nails all day. Like, are you kidding me? That's cringey as hell too. So all right, number two, you won't feel different when you're older or have kids, you'll just be you. It's weird

0:08:23 Thomas: That's so weird. Oh, okay. Well, those are two very different bands.

0:08:54 Thomas: Huh?

0:08:55 Eli: Such an insane thing to say that I think someone got bigged, either someone is lying or someone got, I feel so and it won't, you got to find the battery and a lady fucks you and the 80s culture kind of thinks it's okay, and there's a weird moment of connection where she's like, hey, I raped a child, but let me know when you're old enough, and we all we just don't think about that part of the movie that's what happens in Big of

0:08:56 Thomas: Yeah. What? Someone got, next thing you know, you'll be talking to a psychic, weird, uh, fucking, what even is that thing? Yeah, I'm a shit. Universal advice. Yeah. Yeah that's

0:09:21 Tom: What the fuck is happening

0:09:23 Thomas: True not he just gave a picture perfect description of the film Big. Tom, this one's on you this one's you

0:09:28 Eli: The film Big. It's what the movie Big is about. Lolita is not about a cross -country road trip, and Big is not a battle guy who works at a toy store. I feel so different now that I have kids, kids, it's they're different people, like there's no resemblance not even physically, like there is nothing about the me before had kids that looks or sounds or in any way is like the me that has kids. You're

0:09:31 Thomas: Yeah yeah yeah

0:09:35 Tom: Okay that's that's very very true yeah

0:09:53 Thomas: I would try to rehabilitate this comment. There is a sense in which, and this happens, I think, with every every generation generation where you feel like your parents were parents, you know, like your parents were like, well, we've reached the level of parenthood and we're mature enough to have kids. And we do this thing where we think they had it all together and whatever. And then when you get to be that age, it is true that it's like, oh, I guess, I guess I can be a parent. Like, it's not, you Know, there's this feeling and maybe what they're going for is that you're not going to feel like you're all of a sudden a parent from From 1947, like you're not going to have that feeling like, oh, I am a mature, you grown up. It's like you do kind of feel like, well, I'm a kid having kids like in a certain way, especially if you're younger. When you have kids, it does kind of feels like you have a kid. I feel that way.

0:10:09 Tom: Yeah I I will say I I think sometimes that at least for me as a man approaching, like, I'm I'll be 47 this year, like, I'm coming, I'm closer to 50 than 40, yeah I don't feel internally, like, as my body gets older and shittier, but like Like, internally, I don't feel much different than I did at my late 20s.

0:10:45 Thomas: Holy fucking shit. Yeah.

0:10:46 Eli: Almost dead. Oh

0:10:56 Thomas: Yeah. Totally.

0:10:59 Tom: I've talked to my dad about this.

0:10:59 Eli: My god, I feel so different. It's just a world old

0:11:02 Tom: My dad's 77, and my dad's like, yeah. Like, I think, like, our bodies age, but, like if you're still sharp, he's like I think you're, like of us still carry around the same insecurities around, like am I doing enough? Am I, you care of everybody right? I can't believe I'm the one who has to make this decision. I don' t know enough. Like all those like insecurities you have when you're first entering adulthood, some of those insecurities just stay with you in at least in my experience, where you're just like, what, how am I the one in charge? Really me? Because I am really me like

0:11:02 Eli: Of this.

0:11:30 Thomas: Yeah. So I think in that sense, it's probably true.

0:11:35 Tom: Do you not feel that at all, Eli? Do you just feel, you feel perfectly at home in your adulthood then?

0:11:36 Eli: Mean, maybe I, no, I, you put it in terms of preparedness, I guess that, that I can relate to, but in terms like who I am internally, it's so different. It's so intense. Like the, the sense of self and the importance of self versus before I had kids is just night and day.

0:11:53 Thomas: Yeah.

0:11:59 Tom: What do you mean by that? I don't know that I, yeah yeah

0:12:01 Eli: Uh, here's an example. Like I sometimes just don't get to eat that day, right? Max needed a thing and then Max needed another thing and the day ends and I'll be like, did I eat today? Nope, because it wasn't food time, it wasn't food for Daddy time, like level of self-focus is so gone, notion of of what I want or need is so removed from my existence at this point, it's genuinely humorous, it's generally humorous how little I have to do with the young me at this point in my life, right? Like I squeeze me into the cracks of my family's life and usually it's just like it's like it is and honestly I I was was thinking about this the other day and I was trying to think of a good, I think that a lot of men, the reason why a lot OF dads turn shitty is they can't handle that adjustment.

0:12:18 Thomas: Well, that's crazy.

0:12:58 Thomas: Yeah.

0:12:58 Eli: So they just sort of cross their hands in front of themselves and go like, it won't change. It won't. You I ever heard Mike Birbiglius bit about his dad, just yelling, God damn it. I'm eating pretzels.

0:12:59 Thomas: I said this too. Yeah.

0:13:11 Eli: He's got this fucking great bit about him. And his dad's separation from the rest of the family in this moment where he just yelled, "God damn it, I'm eating pretzels," and like, apropos of nothing. And I get it, I do get it, because sometimes I'll be eating pretzels and Max will be like, time to fucking put the kinetic sand in a cup and turn it over for the 100th time. And I think you either go and turn the sand over or you scream, "God damn and I'm eaten pretzels." Eventually, right? Eventually you scream, "Goddamn, and I'm eating pretzels," of

0:13:19 Thomas: Yeah,

0:13:35 Tom: I

0:13:45 Thomas: Well, or I think this is very true of men, especially because, again, we're privileged to be the focus of every story of every movie of every what, you know, like until five minutes ago, at least, and still really that I think a lot of men aren't ever able to not be the main character in their lives. And then that's, I think, usually what happens is it reaches a point where your kids are like, well, kind of can't really talk to you much anymore because you have to still be the main character. And they don't they don'T have that ability to kind of, you know, it's not like you don't matter, but it's like at least recognizing that maybe your time is a little bit past and focus is on the next generation.

0:14:01 Eli: Course. Yeah.

0:14:12 Eli: Right.

0:14:23 Eli: Exactly right. It's not a matter of just your needs don't come first, it's like sometimes your needs don't cum, like, sometimes that's just, you know why? Because there's another person who can't intellectualize, "I'm hungry," right?

0:14:36 Tom: I wonder how much of this golf has to do with, like, the level of responsibility you maybe had or didn't have as a young person versus how much you have, because

0:14:46 Eli: Got out of the hammock and put my boy in

0:14:48 Thomas: Oh, because Eli. Yeah. Fig life. Life. He was just eating figs, and now he's the feeder of figs.

0:14:54 Tom: Because feel like my, like, from, like, my very earliest 20s, like, I feel like I've always had a pretty high level of responsibility for other people and feel that much different in that sense, like where it's like, yeah, other Their needs have to be taken care of, and then I'll take care of myself in the off time. I think for a lot of men, though, their level of responsibility to other people never really factored into it until they had kids.

0:15:25 Thomas: Yeah, yeah.

0:15:27 Tom: And so I think I don't really identify with that because most of my life, I've always had a tremendous amount of responsibility for other people. So, like, putting other people first in terms of how I was going to structure my time or my day is just like, I don't have adult memories of not doing that.

0:15:43 Thomas: Do you guys ever feel, and maybe this is a depressed guy thought, so do you ever have a feeling at first, oh man, you kids, it's so cringe that everything is so intense for you, like Romeo, Romeo and Juliet-esque, like intense feelings of passion, and you're going to feel like 10 years from now, you're gonna be like, that was silly, that didn't matter, or even five years from now. And then my next thought is like, oh, but it's nice they get to have that though. So I probably will just be like, yeah man, that's really important, you're everything you're going through is super important, because like it nice that you get to having that time where things are that intense and important to you in that way. Or is this just a me thought? It's fine if it's just a me thought. Yeah.

0:15:43 Eli: You

0:16:21 Tom: I, I, I, I've see the kids through that sometimes, and it is hard for me not to be like, that's stupid and it doesn't matter, that's just dumb. Like, Finn was telling me a story about a friend of his that was, like, he had, he's going over to his friend's house Finn

0:16:34 Eli: Hear that Fin your dad hated your story the other day. Hell

0:16:38 Tom: Is going over to his friend's house because his buddy was was like upset because there was drama between him and this girl that broke up with him. And I was like, how long were they dating? A month. I'm like, who cares? I wanted to be like, who can't? But I didn't, I didn't, you know, but like in my brain in my brain, I'm like, that's nothing

0:16:46 Thomas: You waited until the show he listens to

0:16:49 Eli: Yeah. How could you be in a fight with someone you can't see? That doesn't make any sense. Then listen oh

0:17:00 Tom: But Like, when you're a kid, time also genuinely goes slower like that's something that we don't really like we know it, but we don't appreciate it as much.

0:17:05 Thomas: Yeah. Oh. I think about it all the time. Tom. I, I'm not I'm not trying to know, but yeah, I do think that a people lot of people don't, but that for some reason is something I think about all the time. Like, I think about, like, you other day, it's, it's nothing thing, but like, I saw one, one of Remy's toys that the kids left outside. And I realized, oh, they've left that outside since like summer for them. That doesn't exist. Like they'll see that little toy where I'm like, oh, that's outside. I should take that back in. Like he just lost it yesterday. And to them, they'll be like, what is this ancient relic of another time? You know, like really, it really will. I swear to God, that will be how they feel about it. It's so, it's so fascinating.

0:17:10 Tom: Yeah. Right. Yeah.

0:17:11 Eli: Yeah.

0:17:38 Tom: Well, tell the kids sometimes they'll be like, yeah, but like, you only have to do this part of school or whatever that you don't like for six more weeks, and they'll look at you with their eyes wide because in my brain I'm like, six weeks? Like, you pull my fucking toenails out for six weeks, it doesn't matter.

0:17:51 Thomas: Like Jesus Christ. Yeah. And he

0:17:58 Tom: You, you know, like it's, that's such a, that'S HOW I WAKE UP!

0:17:58 Thomas: Does. Tom does do that. He's been doing it for years, though.

0:18:02 Eli: Well, desire to control unpleasant experience is very much a young person's thing, right? To be like, I am in emotional, psychological pain, and not to just go, yeah, but you just wait around, you don't feel that way anymore eventually. Or you die, I don't know. But, like, but like, as a young person you're like, I, and Ashley, when we said goodbye the other night, I could tell she was being cool, so what can we, let's sit down and have a talk and make sure we're

0:18:02 Thomas: Oh, God, not only that It's also like Phoebe. I cannot explain to phoe Bebe the process of getting shots. Like, the other kids, they just don't think about it much, so we don't talk about it, but phoe be because she remembers everything and pre worries about everything. We had, I remember the other day we had an interaction, she was like, I don't understand, like, how could you? It always hurt. I think that was the question she was. She's like, does it always hurt? I was like, well, yeah, yeah. It's like, it hurts, but it doesn't matter. I don't know how to, like, communicate that you have to get a shot.

0:18:30 Eli: Really.

0:18:53 Tom: No, dude, I, I... A hundred

0:18:56 Thomas: It doesn't mater.

0:18:56 Tom: Percent.

0:18:57 Thomas: It's fine. But she cannot fathom that. She's, like, no, it's the thing that hurts that's really present in her mind. The idea that she would voluntarily do something that is scary and hurts is really hard for her to understand.

0:18:57 Tom: Yeah.

0:19:09 Tom: Trying to explain that it doesn't, that like, it shouldn't matter to you either that something hurts a little. Right? Like, it's like, yeah, it'll hurt, but like, like, who cares? Like, it's like sometimes things hurt and that's not really important. Important, like, just going to go through life and you're going to stub your toe and it doesn't matter. Like, like, it matters in the moment that it's stubbed, but it's not in, it, it's not like you have to carry, "Oh my god, I had this traumatic toe experience." Like, who cares? Like, sometimes things hurt and you just, like, yeah, that's part of being alive is things hurt, but kids have no way to contextualize any of that at all. Yeah.

0:19:16 Thomas: Yeah. Yep. Oh,

0:19:41 Eli: It's So cute. Max does that. He a cut on his finger, I'm gonna say 94 years ago, and every night at bedtime he's like, I need a bandaid, and I'm like, you don't need a fucking bandaid, man. You don' know he fell and scraped his knee. This is 100% he fell and scraped his knee, and then it healed, and we talked about it for three months afterwards. He just looked at the spot where the scrape was on his knee and was like, that's why I booboo, and I was like, yeah, man, fucking three months ago, a financial quarter ago, you fell out and scrapped your knee. I

0:19:51 Thomas: My God.

0:20:18 Tom: All. Number three.

0:20:19 Thomas: Three.

0:20:20 Tom: Oh, today's eyebrows are yesterday's clown makeup. That's just All right. Yeah.

0:20:26 Thomas: Interesting.

0:20:27 Eli: Might not apply to us. I feel

0:20:27 Tom: Wow.

0:20:28 Thomas: Yeah, it's more of a, but hold on. I mean, we don't have to talk.

0:20:29 Tom: Skips These Who cares. Well, it's a fashion comment.

0:20:33 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. But it is True. As much as I don't notice much along those lines, it is shocking when you see pictures from, what is it, the two thousands, I think it was. When was the great eyebrow massacre when was the great eyebrow genocide that happened yeah And, and it's, it's when it's that stark that I'm like, oh, even I will notice that. That's bad. Like, because normal style, just honestly, I just don't really notice that much. But yeah, no, that, that was, that was a bad time, and it was bad that, that, that I, but it was, was bad, the girls did that. I'm just gonna say it was bad. It was a mistake. Oh,

0:20:33 Tom: Right. Yeah. Right. Oh.

0:20:43 Tom: The the where the eyebrows were like a like a faint ghost of a thin line. Yeah.

0:21:09 Eli: Like girls didn't do it to themselves, I feel. Like, culture probably didn't. It was probably a product we were selling them. I don't know. It seems like you probably, we did. You're the one who was paying such attention to the cum-covered eyebrows. No,

0:21:14 Thomas: Did I have some hand in that, Eli? Didn't even know that it happened. Didn't even know that happened till pictures later.

0:21:24 Tom: All But when those were in style. You didn't notice them at all. You're just like, yeah.

0:21:25 Thomas: Oh, no. Of course not.

0:21:27 Tom: That's what, that's how girls look like.

0:21:27 Thomas: Yeah. No, that's what it is.

0:21:28 Tom: You're like, that's eyebrows are like Yeah. Number four: in 15 years you're gonna think the kids have gone too far, and they're gonna thank your old-fashioned

0:21:28 Thomas: Yeah, never would have noticed. Crazy. Nope. Nope. Or

0:21:36 Tom: Yes.

0:21:37 Eli: You just got to shut the fuck up. No, so Here's the thing, I want to clarify. That may be true, but that's when you shut the f**k up. It's so easy And So, all, everyone just shut the F**k Up. Just shut up. All you have to do is shut up. They don't even have to make you rich first, although apparently that's a part of it, right? Promise to shut the fuck up.

0:21:38 Thomas: Shut the Fuck up, Bill Maher. Yeah, everyone just shut up. It would be nice. Yeah. And it's the rich ones who don't shut the fuck up the hardest, it feels.

0:22:02 Eli: They Don't shut the fuck up because they were so smart when they were young. They're like, I'm here to tell everybody what's what. And that a young person is like, hey man, we're calling it a skibbity toilet now. And you're like, I'll never let the skibby toilet Nazis put me in the death camp of the skippity toilet. Hitler, Pol Pot, Mao Zedong, whatever. Like, you notion that you do not have to understand everything for it to be correct is so important, right?

0:22:21 Thomas: Oh, God. Yep.

0:22:32 Eli: If you want to do the work, you can go do the work and understand why young people all think a thing that you don't think. What you don'T get to do is make your point and demand that young people prove their point to your satisfaction.

0:22:49 Tom: Yeah. Yeah. Well,

0:22:49 Thomas: Yeah. And most importantly, you can just shut the fucking up. I think this list should be things that teens could say that adults aren't ready to hear. You can just shot the fuck out like you could just do it.

0:22:58 Eli: Yeah.

0:22:59 Tom: There's a moment where you have to realize you have to look at yourself and be like, I am not the target demographic for the world anymore. Right. It's 18 to 34 is the most coveted target demographic, and By the time you're a parent and your kids are 15, you don't matter matter culturally. You vote and you make money and you put it in a 401k. That's your job to do. And then you die. And then no, it's a, that's it. You don't matter culturally anymore. You are not the demographic that the world is building anything other than boats for, like You are for boats. That's what your job. Your job is to buy a boat. That's that's what

0:23:04 Thomas: Yeah. Oh, boy. Yep. Oh,

0:23:04 Eli: Yeah. Right. Mm -hmm. Oh, boats are right down your alley, though. Man, are they aiming boats at you. They're

0:23:35 Tom: You're for. That's the only thing you matter for.

0:23:35 Eli: Aiming boats at you?

0:23:37 Thomas: Man, there's gonna be a whole lot more, uh, sea level, so you know there's just by

0:23:39 Tom: Yeah. Yeah. When when

0:23:42 Eli: That's nice. That's

0:23:43 Tom: You're so When you, like, when you turn on the TV and it's like, man, these ads, I don't, it's not, they don't care about you. They're not trying to sell you anything, grandpa. They don't care about you and your music or whether you go to the movies. Yeah.

0:23:51 Thomas: Except boner pills and boats. Shut up and take your boner bills. Yeah.

0:23:55 Tom: All Right. I like number five. Actually getting good at stuff will take time, sometimes lots of time, and sometimes you'll spend lots of time on something and you still won't get good at it. That is the human experience. Some things you struggle with will come very easily to others, but some things they struggle with will come easily to you. Don't be mad that someone possesses skills you don't, and don't be a jerk for possessing skills that many other people don't. That's actually good advice, I think.

0:24:22 Tom: Like I have no notes on that advice. I think that's good it All

0:24:22 Eli: Great advice. And to it? Can I add to it the point of doing a thing is not to get good at it.

0:24:34 Tom: Depends on what the thing is. Point is never to get good at it.

0:24:35 Thomas: Yeah.

0:24:36 Eli: I you should do a thing because you like doing a things. I don' think you shoud do a things because you want to get good at.

0:24:40 Thomas: Hmm. I Like getting good at things. That's what I like.

0:24:45 Tom: Yeah.

0:24:45 Eli: You enjoy can the process. No one's saying don't get good at things. I'm the only reasons you're doing a thing is because you expect that eventually you will be good at it, you should just not do it.

0:24:56 Tom: Totally. Agree. Yeah.

0:24:54 Thomas: Hmm. There you go. For Sure. For

0:24:59 Tom: Yeah, not that I'm down with. Like I'm a hundred percent. Yes. And to that, that's great. Yeah.

0:24:59 Thomas: Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

0:25:00 Eli: Yeah. Because I'm now at the point in my life where I mentor a lot of young people. And they're not as good at the things that they want to do as I am. And it's because I have a fuckable human who can vote's worth of experience more at doing the thing than they can do, and they're like, why aren't I good at it now? I think about. I had a, I who used to quote Earl Gister, and Earl very famously said he's

0:25:04 Tom: Yeah. Yeah, who doesn't?

0:25:22 Thomas: Yeah. Yep. Yep, it's a made -up name, but yeah.

0:25:31 Eli: A, a director and an acting teacher, and he teaches like a play analysis, which is something that I teach my, my students a lot. And the quote from him that I like a lot is, "If you read a play a week, you'll be as good at this as I am in 20 years. If you read two plays a week, you'll be as good as this as I am in 10 years, and if you read four plays a week it'll still take 10 years because some things take time."

0:25:56 Tom: Yeah.

0:25:56 Eli: And that's how I always feel.

0:25:57 Tom: So that, yeah.

0:25:58 Eli: It's like, you can't be as good at this as I am. You haven't been here.

0:25:57 Thomas: Yeah, and

0:26:04 Tom: And that is something like for kids, that that's, is such a tough thing for them to understand. I, Aislinn, I remember when like, we were trying to get Aisling into dancing and has so much natural ability that it actually kind of worked against her because she would try and be good up until a point. And then when it got into that point where it was going to take just time and repetition and everything else, all of a sudden she would get frustrated. I'm not good at this. I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS. And it's like, well, no, you're not good yet. Because they think like, like, well, I put no effort into this and I was pretty good at it. So now I put a little bit of effort into it. Why aren't I very good at you know, or why isn't my progress completely perfectly linear? You know, because that's that's how a lot of us tend to sort of have that sort of thought process or thinking. I don't actually think this advice is confined to adults either or to to kids kids either. I think this is good advice for everybody.

0:26:56 Eli: Yeah. Yeah,

0:26:59 Thomas: Think there are teens that totally get this, potentially, and adults that don't, I can't explain this to my kids at all. I have talked about it, but they are super little, but there are just like, why aren't I good at this? And recently, I have much time, but I've been spending a little time on some really difficult songs on guitar. And I was hoping that they'll notice like, hey, you hear how many times dad has to play the same fucking thing over and over and over and I'm sure Eli, you here a boss do this, you know, it's like, yeah, to be good at something, you have to play it 1000 bajillion times. Sometimes it's annoying. Hearing someone practice is agony. I don't try to do it too much because it's just annoying. But I was telling Lydia, I was like, man, maybe they'll see that this is how you have to do It. No, they won't notice. But maybe when they're older, They will remember that that happened

0:27:41 Tom: They tune out your existence. Yeah. I think, think that our efforts in the world are the cat puke on the floor that they can't see Like, They just walk, or they just, it's invisible, they can't see it, they'll never, you know, maybe when they're old, you know, they'll look back like, "Man, my dad used to play that one song. Oh, he must have just really liked that song." It won't even, like, connect it to the idea that you were desperately struggling struggling with the chord progressions.

0:27:51 Eli: They'll

0:27:52 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. God.

0:28:08 Eli: Just sleep with the guy at the party who plays it for them. Yeah, how I kept that gender neutral podcast listener welcoming, open, beautiful.

0:28:10 Thomas: Oh.

0:28:10 Tom: Yeah. All right. Number six, nobody else wants to hear whatever Tik TOK you're watching by some headphones.

0:28:22 Thomas: 100% is that a teen thing if it is then yes, this is the first one they've gotten

0:28:25 Tom: No, this is stupid fucking advice. If you've ever met a teen, they're all wearing headphones. Every

0:28:27 Thomas: No. They who

0:28:30 Eli: Yeah, of course, it's

0:28:31 Thomas: Are the people, but some people aren't who is is it?

0:28:33 Tom: It's old people that can't fucking that walk

0:28:35 Eli: Only old people.

0:28:36 Tom: Around with their fucking phones,

0:28:36 Thomas: Is it? Oh, okay.

0:28:36 Eli: It is literally only old People in my entire life. Yeah, good news.

0:28:37 Tom: Old

0:28:41 Thomas: It is needs to fucking die. I, this is something that I will not, sorry. I have no chill. Yeah. If you listen, if you take a call, if you're listening to something like I just have so little regard for that. Like there's one thing I will never, and by the way, if the young kids all did decide, Hey, it's actually awesome to blast whatever's on your phone loud for everyone to hear. I would be like, Like, never mind. I'm Richard Dawkins now. Like, I can't fucking.

0:29:05 Eli: Yeah. Yeah.

0:29:05 Thomas: That's, that I'm not going to do.

0:29:05 Eli: The Adolf Hitler of the loud YouTube video of your phone. Mao Zedong.

0:29:10 Tom: Do guys, remember this is probably just like because I'm a million, but like, do you guys remember the old Next telephones that had that walkie -talkie feature?

0:29:13 Thomas: Oh, yeah.

0:29:18 Eli: The blip blip.

0:29:19 Tom: They would beep and then people would fucking scream into them like a walkie-talkie and somebody else would scream back, that somehow sands the beep beep become how old fucking people talk on their phone, exclusively, exclusively on speaker and in public spaces. It's the worst.

0:29:20 Thomas: Yeah, the commercial was the, yeah, nobody had them. Yeah.

0:29:21 Eli: Yeah. Yep.

0:29:36 Thomas: Unbelievable.

0:29:37 Eli: And it's how they text. It's how the text too. Because they fucking learn.

0:29:40 Thomas: Oh, they do

0:29:40 Tom: Oh, they'll voice to text.

0:29:41 Thomas: The voice to text thing.

0:29:41 Eli: Yeah. Yeah.

0:29:42 Tom: They'll voice the text in a public space.

0:29:43 Thomas: Oh, my God. It's a good thing I never see the light of day, to be honest with you. It's, it's a, it' s a good thing.

0:29:48 Tom: Yeah, you should be allowed to murder those people like without any repercussions. You should be like, yeah, he was doing a voice to text. It's right there on his phone. So I beat him over the head with a baseball bat. It was fine.

0:29:55 Eli: That's

0:29:51 Thomas: Yes. It's everything I hate. It's noise. And it's the feeling that someone is more important than other people. Those are the two things I hate more than anything. Noises. And you know, like I can't, it's so perfect to, to annoy me. It's, it's designed to be the thing I hate the most.

0:30:12 Tom: Right. Number seven, being controversial isn't the same thing as being interesting. Interesting. So,

0:30:16 Thomas: Ooh, that's a good one. I like that one actually, but teens don't need to.

0:30:19 Eli: True. I know more old people who need that information than young people.

0:30:21 Thomas: Yeah, exactly.

0:30:21 Tom: That's the thing, dude this good advice, but this is not good advice for kids, right? The reason this isn't good, because this is a generally true statement, right? But oftentimes when it's leveled at kids or teenagers from adults, like, it's a way to minimize the things that they're interested in, passionate about, right? It's a way of, like, yeah, that fucking, you know, they them Them stuff you got is, like, it's a way to, like, really, like, shit on the next generation's interests rather than recognize that, like, yeah, they're interested

0:30:23 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. And you

0:30:27 Eli: Right. Right. Yeah, right.

0:30:54 Tom: In different shit.

0:30:55 Thomas: Get to assign their motive as not actually genuinely caring about something, but as trying to be interesting. It's it's so dismissive. So true.

0:30:59 Tom: Mm hmm. Right.

0:31:01 Eli: All the controversial things that young people believe are about treating people well and feeding the world, and all the controversial things that old people believe are bigotry. Every time neither

0:31:13 Thomas: Racism. Yeah God, that's so true. Yeah I

0:31:17 Tom: It. Right. Number eight. School has a system in place to keep you from falling behind and life doesn't.

0:31:24 Thomas: Think neither really does, but yeah.

0:31:26 Eli: Does what? School? Did they go to? What possible educational system in the 21st century were these people involved in? Well,

0:31:28 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:31:35 Tom: I think schools do. I actually think this is generally true, but this is another one of those like suck it up buttercup, like work harder, you it's another way to like phrase this. Because, yeah, actually, I think all jokes aside, schools do have a lot of people and resources and tools and, you know, 504s and IEPs and, you counselors and, you know all these different social workers, all these people to help kind of push you. And then once you get out in the world, like there are no real social safety nets because we live in a dystopian hellscape. So it's like it's a true thing. But again, I feel like it's leveled at kids in a way to say, like, harden up.

0:32:05 Thomas: True.

0:32:14 Eli: Let me also throw this out there, though, because they specifically talk about the idea of falling behind, right? One thing that I would make an argument for, for life versus school, that that often is misconstrued to students, is that life gives you lots and lots of chances, right? The world is full of poverty traps, the real world, in the way that school is not, right? But like, if you take your quiz in period two and you get an F, you got an F, right? That's, that's just how you did.

And then your teacher feels a certain way about it. And your teachers feel a certain way about it, and your report card feels a certain way about it. Things are very final, whereas being an adult, you've got a lot more wiggle room to try and fail, the, that you can try and fail safely, if that makes sense. Like, the speed at which one can learn, the speed at which one can pursue joy, I think, is a lot more forgiving in the real world than it is in school, but But mistakes, which is what I think this person is speaking about, cost a lot more in the real world than they do in school.

0:33:08 Thomas: Interesting. Interesting, yeah. I think there's something to be said for that, especially because of the rigid, like, you just, the subject matter that you're required to know in school, like you, there's not much of an option, and this will appeal to you guys more than me, there's not much of an option to just be like, fuck math, not gonna care, because you, there's consequences, like, you get bad grades, and it's hard to just be like, I'm gonna opt out of math, whereas in real life, basically every adult I know has opted out of math, so it's uh, you know what I mean, but I

0:33:40 Eli: God, I wish. I do so much math for a person who slid down the slide of we promise there won't be math. I was doing so much math today. I was so fucking mad. I was just doing math on a spreadsheet.

0:33:53 Thomas: You've got free math and you haven't told me about it, fuck, dude.

0:33:57 Eli: Sucked so much.

0:33:57 Tom: You just send your math to Thomas Smith.

0:33:59 Thomas: He's got free meth.

0:33:59 Tom: That's what I do.

0:34:00 Thomas: Yeah,

0:33:59 Eli: And here's the worst part. I send my math. I'm going to start sending it to Thomas. I send my math to the smart people in my company who apparently like math and they don't fucking respond

0:34:00 Thomas: Do it. Oh, wow, yeah, they don't. They like math, they don't like you. That's the thing. I

0:34:12 Eli: Yeah, it's fair. I

0:34:13 Tom: That's that's a big,

0:34:14 Thomas: Think this is Yeah, this this advice, to agree with Tom, this, there's kernels of truth in this for sure, but this is presented in the most annoying boomery way for this listicle, you know, where it's like, hey, wake up. But I do think there is a tough reality that's to put a little finer point on it as well, where really is a sense that, like, the world does kind of revolve around you as a student. Like, when you're that age, until you're, like, – sometimes in college as well, all. But then once you're out of school, that just doesn't exist. There just isn't a track for you. There is, you know, and it's, it is really a harsh, tough thing to go from like the, there's these people who are paid, like teams of people, sometimes if you go to like a big university, who are made to care about how you're doing and to keep you on this track, and then bam, nothing. It's not like you get, oh, a little

0:34:14 Tom: Big, Biggolf there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

0:35:00 Thomas: Bit of track. You go to zero track of any kind. And it is, it's, it's, that's a tricky one. I don't know if there's any way to really prepare for it, you know, like it doesn't, a lot of these two are just like, it's kind of pointless, because even if you tell someone, it, it doesn't matter, you know, until they like, yeah, exactly, they're not doing anything with it.

0:35:01 Tom: No. Yeah.

0:35:15 Tom: What are they going to do with it? What are you going to do? Like this is this is not I hate shit like this because it's not advice. It's just like something sad you should feel about like you get. It'S NOT ACTIONABLE LIKE YEAH IT'S LIKE TO YES AND YOUR OTHER COMMENT THOUGH LIKE NEVER FORGET THE ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE WAY THAT I FELT WALKING OUT OF MY VERY LAST CLASS AND in college and realizing I had no fucking idea what I was supposed to do next.

0:35:17 Thomas: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You need to feel worse, yeah.

0:35:41 Thomas: Man, rough. So rough. Mm.

0:35:46 Tom: All the rest, like I was very good in school because it made all the sense in the world. They tell you what to do. They tell You when to do it. You tell You where to go. They tell You how to do It. You just, all You have to do is do all the things that people say in the order they say to do IT in. And like everybody keeps giving You laudits and praise and everything goes well and You get the next accomplishment, the next accomplishment, and the next Accomplishment and You move on. And It's actually really super simple. And I walked out of my last class on my last day of school. And I remember walking out into that summer day and being like, I don't know what to do anymore. And I walked to the car and I just sat in my car realizing like, well now I had to drive home. Then I didn't know what the next thing to do was. Right. And like all of my life here, I'm like I'm 22 years old. My entire life I knew what I should do tomorrow.

0:35:57 Thomas: -hmm. Yep. Yep. Oof. You got that step. Yeah.

0:36:32 Tom: Andi was like, what the fuck am I I supposed to do tomorrow, and I had no idea, and it was incredibly, like, I felt like, I felt like they just, like, pulled the whole fucking, like, rug out from under me. Somehow, somehow I didn't notice this throughout the course of all of this, like, that there was going to come a time is like, "Oh yeah, we get high college, you go get a job, but like, you get out of college and, like, no, now the world doesn't care that you're there at all. Now. Now all of those people are just disinvested."

0:36:33 Thomas: Yeah it's a feeling that you can't anticipate until you have it. Yeah, to mentally prepare someone a little, but it's like you just the feeling of being a kid and being a student and having everything revolve around you is so powerful. It's just the water you swim in. You can't really know what it's like to not have that until it's gone.

0:37:00 Tom: Yeah. Yeah.

0:37:18 Tom: Do tell the kids high like school and college years are their most gloriously selfish years they'll ever have in their lives.

0:37:24 Eli: Thought you were gonna say they're the most glorious years in their lives. I was like fucking wolf Tom You gotta start taking a pill a day

0:37:26 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah,

0:37:30 Tom: No, they're the most selfish years. They'll ever get to experience because there will never be a time where where where all of the choices they make are made for them once they, really, once they enter the sort of real world, right? Like once they get out of the sort of college experience and go into the job. But oftentimes, find a partner, have kids, get a boss, all that stuff. When you're in high school and college, all of your choices revolve around you and how you want to center yourself in your life. And that is a really wonderfully selfish time that really never gets replicated once you're, once you'RE out of it. So unless you're a billionaire. Yeah.

0:38:08 Eli: Unless you're a billionaire and then the whole world does that it rules I'm a billionaire.

0:38:13 Tom: All next one is great advice. And it's like really compassionate advice by a guy that's, uh, Mr. Murder one, which I love, because you fucked up does not mean you're

0:38:20 Eli: Hell. Yeah, yeah. Oh. That's really important, yeah. Now

0:38:27 Thomas: There's like one considerate Mr. Murder one is like, geez, you fucking bummers. Okay. Let me tell him something that might be kind of positive. I'm mid murder, but

0:38:35 Eli: Let you might not guess this, but I murdered a guy. I'm

0:38:40 Tom: Now, some people might say I'm a fuck-up for murdering that guy, but, uh, you know

0:38:44 Thomas: One time I left some evidence around, but it didn't matter because cops don't know how to to do their job, so it wasn't a big deal.

0:38:49 Eli: Mr. Murder. Should I have legally changed my name to Mr. Murder after I did a murder? Probably not, but I've owned that. I've moved on.

0:38:50 Thomas: Oh. Yeah.

0:38:57 Tom: God is something that, like, when I was growing up I 100 believed was true. I believed, believed, and by growing up I mean, like, I still kind of believe it. Like, I know it's not true, but, like, I do, I do have a strong sense that, like, you cannot overcome your own failings, like that, like, if you fuck up, you are a fuck-up, if you behave immorally, you are immoral. And, like, I don't actually think that, but yes, I do, like I don't think it for you Right.

0:38:57 Eli: Yeah.

0:39:17 Thomas: Yep.

0:39:22 Eli: No, the, the good people do good things. Bad people do bad things.

0:39:26 Tom: But I think it's for me.

0:39:26 Thomas: Yep. Yep.

0:39:26 Eli: Yeah. That, that is so huge and so hard to let go of, and it's why so many, many people refuse to admit when they've done a bad thing. Right? I mean, it's the, it's it's fucking Trump in a nutshell, right? Because if Trump's not good and the media is not Jews and trans people, right, then I made a mistake in 2016, right?

0:39:28 Thomas: Oh. Yeah. God can't have that. Yeah.

0:39:48 Eli: And we, we have two million more people in the country than not who are like, I didn't make, no, God, don't make, now, and then they fucking pull the lever on, on the right for their own demise, statistically, for their own demise. Kill me the lever. Yeah. It's the lever that kills them. Yeah.

0:40:01 Thomas: Oh.

0:40:07 Tom: Me the lever, oh,

0:40:11 Thomas: Oh, the, oh, they pulled kill me. Oh, okay. Yeah. I too was a little confused. I

0:40:13 Eli: They pulled kill me the lever

0:40:15 Tom: I was like, wait, is there more, that didn't, that did not, well, kill me, the lever like they say, Oh yeah, but everyone can be an internet sensation. Somebody has to drive the dump truck. This is repackaged. Not everyone gets to be an astronaut. I literally remember hearing not everybody gets to be a astronaut or a sports star

0:40:17 Thomas: Was like Is that a saying, like, ah, Lord kill me the lever Oh. Man Yeah. Well, And And

0:40:34 Eli: Am an astronaut? I'm The worst person to give people this advice.

0:40:37 Tom: Yeah.

0:40:37 Thomas: Statistically, there's so many more astronauts now. If you're like, it's just worse if it was maybe relevant to say, hey, you know, there's, especially with not too many people get to do that job. Well, Well, with influencers, actually, kind of a lot of people get to do this bullshit. Like, it's not crazy to think that maybe your job could be video game streaming or something. It's not insane.

0:40:53 Tom: Or Podcasting.

0:40:58 Thomas: Yeah, it could happen.

0:40:59 Tom: Like I don't know like it's

0:41:00 Thomas: There's a lot more.

0:41:00 Eli: Feel very uncomfortable ever saying anyone can do the thing I'm doing. It feels insane. I know how easy it is because I'm doing it.

0:41:05 Thomas: I didn't say anyone can do it. Yeah. I didn' t say anyone could do it, but just statistically speaking, it' s one thing to be like, there's only five fucking astronauts in the whole world.

0:41:15 Eli: Could steal me and take my flesh, live my life. Talented Mr. Ripley.

0:41:21 Tom: Don't worry, AI will do it all for us anyway. All

0:41:22 Eli: Yeah. Who would write this article if we didn't have AI, Tom? The poor, hardworking working writers over at Upworthy get

0:41:25 Thomas: Yeah, yeah,

0:41:26 Tom: Yeah. This is also like a way to shit on what's new, which is like, the internet's just a fad. Like, okay, all right. The internet is, the Internet's just a fad.

0:41:38 Eli: A real jam, oh

0:41:37 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Well, got to say that next one which is directly advice that should go the other way. Social media is not reality and your entire life should not revolve around it. I genuinely, I correct me if I'm wrong, gentlemen, I think younger people actually are better at this than we are. Like, I think that too many old people are getting their fucking news from the Internet and thinking social media is life than the young people are.

0:41:44 Eli: Yeah.

0:42:00 Eli: Man, I had to replace my phone with a light gray brick that only shows me maps and podcasts. Like, yeah, everybody is right about social media in a way that I am wrong, everyone except for, like, three hospital patients who are just mumbling and rubbing their thumbs across a smooth piece of glass the doctor prescribed them.

0:42:08 Tom: Yeah, I much as I hate to admit this too, like social media is part of reality. Like you can't, it's, it's, you're a bad parent, like you are a bad parent if you try to tell your kids that the things that they see on their phone that their friends are doing are not meaningful to them, that the, that the way that the medium that they use to interact with the people that they love is just an inherently shitty, flawed, like, if you go down that road, what are you doing? Like, fight over stuff that gets posted online, people flirt online, they They meet other people. They introduce other people being on social media. If you as a parent are just going to be like, nah, it's not real. It doesn't matter. Like, believe me, like nobody has that impulse stronger than me.

0:43:06 Thomas: Yeah. Your kids are not going to listen to what you say. Yeah,

0:43:06 Tom: Yeah. But like, you want to lose all your fucking credibility with, with anybody deny the actual, like just social media has a massive influence on all people. You just can't. That's the fucking stupid thing to say.

0:43:20 Thomas: Elections.

0:43:21 Eli: Overturned the election you beat me to it

0:43:21 Thomas: All right,

0:43:22 Tom: Right. I know. No It's a stupid fucking thing to, yeah, yeah, we, 14. One day you too will be old and uncool, and it will happen faster than you think. Sure.

0:43:31 Eli: Fuck off.

0:43:31 Thomas: I don't know.

0:43:32 Tom: Tell your kids not to enjoy their youth. Fuck it, just shit on them. Yeah.

0:43:34 Eli: I was always aware that I was going to get older. I don't think young people need to hear that advice.

0:43:41 Thomas: Yeah.

0:43:41 Tom: I was never cool to start with, so like being uncool was like, yeah, all right, I'll just fucking stay uncool. That's fine.

0:43:46 Thomas: Weird.

0:43:46 Tom: I

0:43:47 Thomas: I can't relate to this at all. And think it's because if this is the way you're thinking, no, I think this is though, if you're, this is a way you are, I think I've never been cool. I like, I've never been on that axis in any way. You know what I mean? Like it's just never been. And think if you lit, if you live your life such that you're a parent, who's like telling the teens in a bitter way, ah, you'll be uncool soon too. That means I think you weren't doing the right things.

You know, I feel like if, like, if the only reason you were interesting was because of your age, then yeah, man, maybe for you. But like, I think you can always be interesting and do stuff and have hobbies and have, and have groups around you that value you no matter what your age is.

And, especially with how, like, you know, balkanized the world is or whatever it is, you know, like there's more ways than ever to be, I guess, interesting and involved in activities that people might find interesting, you know, that, like, I just, this doesn't seem relevant anymore to me.

0:43:50 Eli: Because you're so fucking cool and handsome. Do I feel cool as shit. Oh,

0:44:43 Thomas: Yeah. Oh.

0:44:45 Tom: Think I, I am cooler as an adult than I ever was as a teenager. It's

0:44:49 Eli: My god, yes. Are you kidding?

0:44:51 Tom: Not even.

0:44:51 Eli: My definition of cool as a teenager was so not my definition of cool now. It's fucking insane. Yeah.

0:44:49 Thomas: Hundred percent. In

0:44:51 Tom: It's not even close. Yeah. I, I keep, keep telling, telling the kids, like, man, once you get into college, it's all, it all changes, like, and it changes and it never stops being better. Like, getting, it just gets better and better because like in terms of, yeah, all that stupid clicky bullshit.

0:45:06 Thomas: Terms of, like, clicky stuff, and the, yeah. Totally. 100. Yeah.

0:45:08 Eli: Yeah.

0:45:10 Tom: Like, like, I'm, I just, like... Like, that shit is fake. That shit, like, I know it feels real, but, like... It's just this... It's a fucking blip, dudes. That's nothing. So... All right, number 15. Because it's new to you doesn't mean it's knew.

0:45:24 Thomas: I think this is kind of useless, but also I think it's useful to know, on a political, in a way, to recognize how much stuff that we think is new isn't. I found that to be particularly interesting. A lot of these arguments that we thought were good faith in 2012, it's like, oh, no, it's the same exact bullshit from forever ago. So in that way, I find that useful, but I don't know. Know, do you guys find this like useful in a

0:45:47 Tom: Useful as advice to give to a teenager. I think the only way that this is useful is to offer them some perspective, I think. And I do think perspective is worthwhile. Right? A lot of things, like, you know, falling in love, for example, or breaking up, or, you know, having sex or whatever, you, like, know, relationship stuff, like, that's new to you. Like, this is not new. Like, there are people that have gone through it. There are people you can speak to for advice that, like, I think, I think this is actually helpful advice if you follow it up properly with some perspective stuff. Uh,

0:45:50 Thomas: Exactly. I don' t really Yes.

0:46:22 Thomas: Perspective stuff. Yeah, baby.

0:46:24 Eli: Read that. Did you guys read that article in the Times about how all the people, are all the old people are getting all excited about Baby Girl? It's freaking great. It's the new movie. It's Like, yeah.

0:46:32 Tom: Oh, It's a Nicole Kidman movie, right?

0:46:36 Eli: It's like 50 Shades of Gray, uh, and it's basically like Nicole Kidman is an older lady who dates a younger man, which is fucked up in a lot of ways, but I don't want to talk about that. But like, she's into BDSM and the movie and the whole New York Times article is like, old people are learning that some people like that shit. And it's so funny because one, there's freaky old people. I promise you there's fucking pervert old people who have just done some really mind blowing shit that their neighbors don't know about. But no one who fucking writes into the Times knows about it. So they're

0:46:31 Thomas: Girl. What's that? Oh,

0:46:36 Tom: Yeah.

0:46:59 Tom: I know, right? Like

0:47:11 Eli: Like oral sex, you say sex with the oral.

0:47:11 Thomas: They have to pretend they don't. Yeah.

0:47:14 Tom: Well, that's because we infantilize old people rather than being like

0:47:15 Eli: All right. Rather than fucking them. Tie them up, tie up and fuck your consensually. Let me clarify, consensually tie up and fuck your local old people.

0:47:19 Tom: Huh. Yeah.

0:47:20 Thomas: Jesus.

0:47:32 Eli: Dear Old Dads.

0:47:32 Tom: Jesus Christ. All Right.

0:47:33 Thomas: Christ. Yeah.

0:47:33 Eli: How

0:47:33 Tom: 16. As you get older, you just keep realizing how dumb you were, were last year.

0:47:36 Eli: Hard it is to tie you up.

0:47:40 Thomas: I, I think, honestly, I do kind of think this is true. I

0:47:44 Eli: Is it, as you get older, what

0:47:45 Tom: Uh, You keep realizing how dumb you were last year. I'll

0:47:47 Thomas: Mean, honestly, kind of yes for me. Like, I, it pains me to no end to see, like, oh man, thought I had it figured out that year, didn't. But, like, also just inevitable again. It's not anything you can do anything with, you know? Like, I don't think it's useful. At no point could you just be like, oh okay, so then now I know which, like, opinions I have that are wrong, or which, you know, it doesn't tell you anything, you know. Yeah.

0:48:10 Eli: Yeah.

0:48:11 Tom: It's not advice, again. This is like, oh yeah, you know, every year with a little more, uh, age and wisdom under your belt, you're gonna look back and be like, well, I was silly then. Oh yeah, well, so what do I do about that? Nothing. It just

0:48:12 Thomas: Yeah.

0:48:21 Eli: Let's get in our time machine together, man. Like, fucking, oh,

0:48:23 Tom: Yeah. That's fucking nonsense. I hate that shit. That shit is the, it's, it's like, oh, you could just, uh, live, live a life full of regrets. It's like, that's bad advice. I shouldn't do that. Heartache you're going through, it consumes everything now, but it will be nothing but a footnote in the future. You'll rarely think about it later, and when you do, it won't hurt you. It's hard to hear that your pain isn't the worst in the world when you're feeling it, but it does help to know that it won'T mean as much as it does in this moment. It's good advice.

0:48:50 Eli: That's so important. God, that's so important.

0:48:52 Thomas: For teens. Yeah.

0:48:53 Eli: For All baby Eli, man. He was so sad about high school relationships. Yeah, the The, if you can take away, because you can't take away your heartbreak, doesn't matter because no one's listening to that shit, but if you can take away that time heals all wounds at a relatively young age, man, oh, oh, fucking man, is that helpful. Oh, man, is that hopeful. Just like that, you're sad today, and you will be less sad about, and I'll say something controversial, about everything. All the sad stuff. Right? Because that's

0:48:53 Thomas: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Yeah. Old

0:49:31 Eli: Really hard to hear.

0:49:31 Thomas: People old people's friends die and they're like, yeah, well, yeah.

0:49:35 Eli: Yeah.

0:49:35 Tom: Shit happens.

0:49:35 Eli: You'll be less... Did

0:49:36 Thomas: Just like you get kind of veneered to it, you're just

0:49:38 Eli: They tie him up first? Oh, they did. I'm glad to hear it. Alright.

0:49:43 Thomas: A rainbow too.

0:49:50 Eli: Alright, gentlemen, before we go, what did the rain cloud wear and her hair? A rainbow. Fuck.

0:49:59 Thomas: Easy. You need a better one. Oh,

0:50:00 Eli: I'm going back to the boomer jokes. You know what this is. How you get boomer strokes.

0:50:03 Thomas: Shit.

0:50:04 Eli: This is All right, I

0:50:02 Tom: Boomer jokes. Boomer jokes. This is why I want boomer jokes. Okay.

0:50:13 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

0:50:55 Eli: I'll never let the skibby toilet Nazis put me in the death camp of the skippity toilet Hitler. Pol

0:51:03 Tom: Stupid, and it doesn't matter. That's

0:51:05 Eli: Your ejaculate is all around me. All over my dummy.

0:51:09 Thomas: Up and take your boner bills. Yeah.

0:51:11 Eli: Zedong.

0:51:12 Thomas: It's a good thing I never see the light of day, to what the fuck was that oh

0:51:14 Eli: Don't make now and then

0:51:19 Tom: This is just auto-playing a loud ad at me. Same thing, sorry.

0:51:21 Thomas: Jesus yeah

0:51:23 Eli: I