DOD152: That's My Gus Walz

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and utter dependence. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

0:00:22 Clip: Telling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

0:00:28 Tom: To Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's bucking convention. I'm Tom Curry. I am joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:39 Thomas: That's my dear old dads.

0:00:42 Tom: But you got to say it while pointing and ecstatically weeping. That's

0:00:46 Thomas: So good. So do most things while ecstatically weeping, so that works.

0:00:50 Eli: Gentlemen, I want you to imagine you're sitting next to the devil on his throne and the devil turns to you and says, hey, Tom, Thomas, I was just thinking of a punishment for Republican men. Um, which is that they would see, yeah, they no, no, hear me out.

0:01:06 Thomas: Another one? Okay. Their lives are already so terrible in every way. Okay. Okay, no, no.

0:01:11 Eli: I got a new one.

0:01:11 Thomas: I don't want to argue with

0:01:12 Eli: Yeah, I got a new on.

0:01:12 Thomas: You. Sorry, you're the boss. You're the Boss.

0:01:13 Eli: Yeah. Uh, think they should see genuine expressions of affection between a father and son just the overwhelm of joy. I think they should say that as weakness and relate to it so little that they think dunking on it makes them look good as opposed to the maximally tortured souls and minds that they are if

0:01:37 Thomas: If know what, Mr. Devil? That's why you're up there and I'm down here. That's a brilliant fucking idea. I got to say, yeah.

0:01:41 Eli: Would literally be like no don't do that I'd be like what if their buttholes went inside instead of outside and so they pooped up their own butts let's do that instead your thing sounds too mean the devil I don't think I don't think anyone should be sentenced to how Republican men feel every single day.

0:01:46 Thomas: That's too far. Too mean for hell. Yeah.

0:02:03 Tom: Did you see the, as a quick aside to that, did you see all this stuff about like Republican women are like, I don't know if it's possible for my husband to see how I vote.

0:02:15 Thomas: Oh, they're like, they'll be like. They're trying to figure that out. Like, hey.

0:02:17 Tom: To, yeah, like, women, like women who are married to Republican men are concerned. There seems to be this sort of concern like, hey, can my husband see how I vote?

0:02:26 Thomas: Yeah.

0:02:26 Tom: Because I don't want to vote for this. This is a mess.

0:02:30 Thomas: What will happen. I think the answer to that is probably no, except they developed RedMap. Remember what that is? RedMap was like the incredibly statistically advanced way that they stole every election after 2010. So after 2010, RedMap is what they used to gerrymander after they won all the state houses. And it's actually pretty remarkably mathematically complex. Like no one had done that before. So I think what they'll do is they're like, all right, clearly based on these election results, all it's like some of you's all's wives are not voting for trump so we got to do a statistical analysis that's gonna and they'll do like all this advanced shit to be like hey um todd uh bad news for you uh we've we've narrowed it down using calculus it's your wife it's her wife brenda she didn't uh she didn't vote for trump and they're they'll be able to say just because of the advanced analytical methods I think that's what will happen no my point is that

0:03:17 Tom: You think they can get down to the person level? That would be insane if they could. Like, I don'T want our audience to think that that's a thing.

0:03:23 Thomas: This is a bit tom but But also, I think lot of right -wing towns have 400 people in them. Like, I feel like they'll figure it out. You know what I mean? They'll be, like, we've narrowed it down.

0:03:30 Tom: That's true yeah

0:03:31 Eli: That'll make it. Yeah. I, so like the, what can be looked up is whether or not you voted, um, who you voted for. Cause I ,I remember back in the day back when it was time to vote for Obama, there was actually a petition going around for Facebook to add an I voted badge to the people who voted just so you'd get one right there. Cause it could be actually confirmed with public records. Um, and then people freaked out about it, but, uh, yeah, no, they could tell if you voted, not who you voted for, but gentlemen, do you know the only thing worse than having to give a fuck what your husband thinks about who you vote for. Why? It's the auto ads. Yes, the auto ads, the nosy Republican husband of your podcasting experience.

0:04:18 Eli: But you can poison your husband. You really can. Bleach, anything.

0:04:18 Thomas: That's a good one. This

0:04:24 Eli: So many things simulate a heart attack.

0:04:24 Thomas: Has nothing to do with Patreon. You can do that, though.

0:04:27 Eli: Yeah. Just if you have a Republican husband, you can and should murder him. He's bad in the only ways you can define find that word. But if you'd like to take the ads out of your podcast, you can give us as little as a dollar over at patreon.com/dearolddads. You'll get extended commercial free versions of every single show. You're going to get bonus episodes. We just finished recording an AMA where we finished an AMA for the first time

0:04:26 Tom: That's just just that can happen oh my god

0:04:39 Thomas: Separate topic.

0:04:58 Eli: In this show's history. We asked and answered every single question in that AMA that we wanted to.

0:04:58 Thomas: I don't believe that. There's no way that's true. I'm going to check on

0:05:05 Eli: And we started the new one. And you can get privy to all of that. What are our thoughts on whether our children would be good furries? What movies do we think hold up? All there in the Patreon bonus episode. And I think it's already up by the time you're hearing this.

0:05:21 Eli: So check it out. Patreon.com/dearolddads. Rip in to it.

0:05:28 Tom: I kind of like that version the best I felt considerate I liked it

0:05:33 Eli: Thank you. So, guys, we talked about this a little bit in the intro, but I want to talk about it just straight out and out. We saw Gus Waltz's just absolutely lovely expression of affection for his dad. So I thought in the spirit of the news media, we should go over some of the Republican reactions to that.

0:05:56 Thomas: We talk more about that, though? So, what's funny is we did the masculinity episode and I put this in the show notes, but we had recorded on Waltz and Emhoff before the DNC. We had recorded we had gotten a little head because uh time you that uh different dads needed off and we recorded that and which was a great episode stand by all of it before having seen the just so at the DNC by both those gentlemen like I thought doug emhoff speech was so good it was so fucking good and relatable in a real way like it it love this election cycle for being the first time, really the first time that I felt like there's a bunch of normal people on the top of the ticket. It like never happens. I love Obama but like I wouldn't say he's like a normal guy. Like he's a pretty, he's great, but he's, is a professor. He's a, you know, he, but like Doug Emhoff, Tim Waltz, and even honestly, even like Kamala somewhat. Like, so they're pretty normal ass people and I absolutely love it. And I gotta got to say, I don't know if any of you gentlemen did this, but Lydia and I had this nice week last week, the DNC week where,

0:07:04 Thomas: Yeah, we'll

0:07:04 Eli: I did not have a nice week last week, Thomas. Unless I did not. Thank you for asking.

0:07:06 Thomas: Talk about that another episode. Yeah. We had this really nice week where after working our asses off and barely being awake, we would at like 11 PM a glass of wine and put on the DNC, like, you know, top couple speeches on like 1.7 speed, whatever we could find time for and we just sit and watch like oh this is what people that don't fucking suck are it was great like it was so much fun and in that process I mean Tim Waltz's speech happens and funny the different things we see you know like how we perceive the world differently for so many reasons Lydia and I so many reason and one of them is obviously my my, you history with my dad and all that stuff. And I saw Gus Waltz, like the minute they showed him, I saw that he was already like kind of teary and I was like losing. I was Like, I can't, because I could just tell, like I could Just absolutely tell right away. And then they show him crying even more. And I just lost. I was crying all fucking night with how sweet this kid is. I didn't know anything about any, whatever, neurodivergence. I don't even think that matters. I didn't even know that at the time. I don't care. I just saw a kid that was so proud of his dad in a way that I like, again, to my brain, I'm like, I didn't know that could be, you know, and me. I'm keeping it together right now, but I spent the better part of like two days. If I see like a still shot of that, I have a hard time not getting super emotional because it able to see the possibility of a relationship between father and son like that is just to me, it's like it's not just like, oh, it is so sweet. It is like it cracks something just and dead in my heart, you know, and it is just like oh my God. And so I love this so much. I want to say this. I can't wait to roast these Republicans, but here is a rare thing. You know when you love something so much this happens to me and pretty rarely you love something so it's critique proof like if somebody I I mean I was gonna use anna as an example for eli but now you'd still probably murder him but like there's certain

0:09:01 Thomas: Things that I love so much that if somebody made fun of them I'm like boy I feel bad for you you know like I don't even have I've no no reaction of like oh oh I'm mad at you because like I there's zero insecurity there when it comes to gus waltz that was one of those things I was like boy I just I just feel bad for those people. I don't even, I mean, I feel bad if Gus is seeing any of that, but there's nothing anyone could say that would take away the perfect sweetness and purity of that moment. It's the most pure thing I've ever seen in my life.

0:09:30 Eli: I mean, look, I was joking in my intro, but like literally I wouldn't muster a punishment that bad to look at that beautiful thing and be like stupid, right? Like even though they're lying, right, and I know they're lying and there's like this meta layer of everyone's lying and the social internet has destroyed our brains, right. Nobody knows that better than me, but underneath it, right The character you've chosen on the social internet, the one that other people think is you, is one that looks at that and is like, gay. Like, that sucks for you. I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't. I wouldn't do it.

0:10:08 Eli: And these are some bad people. These are some shitty fucking people. We're going to talk about Ann Coulter and Dinesh D'Souza. And if, again, were I hovering my pen over the death notebook of Dinesh D'Souza's Twitter, I'd be like, I'm not going to make him tweet what he tweeted. That's not nice.

0:10:15 Thomas: Jesus. Jesus.

0:10:25 Eli: He went to jail. I feel like he's been through enough.

0:10:27 Thomas: He's done his time. Yeah.

0:10:29 Eli: He's done his time. He doesn't deserve this. Yeah, I also think that, like, I one of the things that we really wanted to do when creating this show is not just talk about positive masculinity and dunk on negative masculinity, but also just acknowledge how fucking weirdly masculinity is portrayed versus life, right? Because, like—I don't know if you guys have had this experience, but I have cried with joy multiple times in my life. I cried with joy yesterday. A friend was getting married and I was doing the ceremony and I had to practice so many times so that the officiant wasn't crying at my friend's wedding because I was so joyful for her and her now husband. But had to do that work. The fact that I have lived most of my life and had to make it to genuinely like, when it comes to non-fictional representations of healthy joy, like I can't count on one hand the amount of Gus Waltz showings of joy and affection I have seen in popular media. And that's fucking crazy do you know how many murders I've seen do you how many people kicked out of helicopters I've seeing so many more so many people have been kicked out of helicopters in popular media that have cried with joy

0:11:52 Thomas: Probably seen more people specifically killed by being put in one of those wood chippers. Like I've specifically something horrible more of that than Gus Waltz. A hundred percent.

0:11:58 Tom: Why do you think that is why curious why because I don't disagree at all but I wonder why like what is at the root do I think like in real life many of us have been moved to joy but we don't want to to show it in our media like we don't want to like reinforce it I

0:12:19 Thomas: I I think it just makes people massively uncomfortable. Yeah just it just is a natural. I'll tell you this I'm gonna do y'all one better because Eli I think I I won't, I won't shame me. Like there are men who are like, Oh yeah, I I've, shed a tear. And what they mean is, well, sometimes I moved to shed that single masculine tear and my eyes get a little bit red and then I can cry in a totally masculinely acceptable way. And I'm like, oh no, no, I ugly cry. Like I've taught, have, I can't chill about it because I also have the, like some sort of depression brain chemistry that like the minute this happens, I'm going, Oh God. And And I'm trying in a completely socially unacceptable way. And so I would like to move the visibility further to like is because there is that like, oh, OK, that there's the old timey men never cry. And then there's The Next Level of like, well, OK. But it has to be in this completely masculinely acceptable way.

0:12:58 Tom: Think

0:13:11 Thomas: It has to me like a manly cry. And I've I've blown you all past. I've flown past that completely. I just can't even keep it in. And that no one will ever show because it's uncomfortable. I grant that's uncomfortable. I try to not do it around people because it's incredibly uncomfortable. And I don't know. I'm not sure if there's anything wrong with that. Yeah.

0:13:28 Tom: That's uncomfortable regardless of sex though yeah

0:13:30 Thomas: Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

0:13:32 Tom: I think the big ugly completely have lost it cry like I don't think that anybody feels calm like I just want to draw that distinction because I'm thinking like yikes like I dont I remember the first it's just a quick aside I remember the first time I had to fire somebody and I was a relatively young man. I was maybe 23, 24 years old and I had a fire somebody. And I called this young lady into my office and she started crying and she cried really, really hard. And it made me so uncomfortable that I had just fired this lady. And I was like, I'm going to give you some time alone in my office. And I left. I was just like, I got to leave. I can't be in the same room as this weeping.

0:14:08 Eli: The first time I fired someone and they cried I took it back and made I was a manager at the toy store and I was like, Hey, I feel like this isn't working out. And they started to cry. And I Was like, but you know, we can give it another shot. You didn't let me finish. Um, this is fucking insane. And then I texted them when they went home and I was like, backseas, you're fired. Cry at home.

0:14:28 Thomas: My God. Oh, my God,

0:14:30 Eli: Yeah. A nice thing to do, but fuck it. You cried at me. What am I going to do? Stick to my guns.

0:14:26 Tom: My text but I a level of like weeping that like once it hits that level like I don't care like what sex you are it's just like everybody's uncomfortable being in that room myself very much included like I Don't want to be in the room where somebody is ugly crying unless they've just lost a relative or something. I'm like, all right.

0:14:51 Thomas: Here's Here's what's funny, Tom. When I it comes to crying over something like that, like something that happens to you, like I if I got fired or if I have something I back to 1947, I'm like, why are you crying? Just figure it out. Just do like I don't. And that's the thing I have to fight against, because I if only things I cry about are weirdly like just these like emotional, like completely nuclear bombs for me that involve like hype, of emotional space being unlocked, a lot. You know, it's like Pixar movies and stuff. Like if something happens to me, I'm not fucking crying. Like what is crying do that doesn't do anything. I have a really hard time with that because especially because like people talk about crying at work to your point, Tom. And don't think you should cry at work. I don' know. That's a weird thing. Like Like, unless somebody died again, unless you're in a situation where like, oh, we just found out the big boss, somebody nice died. Like, yeah. But if it's like, hey, report didn't work out. And then you start crying about, I don't understand that. That's the thing where I transport actually backwards a lot in my, you like toxic whatever, because I'm like, you it's work. You just figure out the next thing to do. Like, that's what work is.

0:15:55 Tom: From that, because I've had a lot of women that were not fired or anything like that, but I've got a lot women that have worked for me and one man, but than a dozen women that have worked me cry.

0:16:06 Eli: You got weird hiring dynamics, dude.

0:16:08 Tom: Well, we're 75, 25 female to male actually in our industry. I've had a lot of women cry, but they mostly have cried out of frustration. Like there's an amount of like emotional overwhelm that like just kind of hits a boiling point. And it's not like sadness. It's not. And that's something that like, I don't know if that's been enculturated out of many men or not, but that's Something I see like women will cry out of frustration, not sadness or grief, but they're just like they've reached a certain level of just like they're overwhelmed and then they're crying and And that has happened a dozen plus times in my career, you know, and, and never has that happened with a guy. The only guy that ever cried was fired. And like, he cried because he was sad.

0:16:46 Thomas: Tom fired him on the spot yeah that's

0:16:48 Tom: So I, it's part of my job. I have it.

0:16:49 Eli: Tom actually fired him for crying. Crying his son died that morning of SIDS um

0:16:51 Thomas: What I was saying yeah he had died of cancer yeah

0:16:53 Tom: Well, it said it's yeah. If you have, if you have enough people long enough, these things happen, but

0:16:57 Eli: Then Tom was like you're making it weird and fired him and then he rode off in his little bicycle ting ting ching ching he rode around this crying man in a circle which is weird throwing his giant Victorian lollipops at him and they stuck to his his tear stuck face. Then as he left, Tom was like the lolly man, the lollymad. It's, I thought it was weird.

0:17:04 Tom: Ding, ding. Yeah. You got did I send you the video is that how you know all that that's

0:17:25 Eli: Well, no, I saw it when it first went viral on YouTube and then it was on the news after he killed himself.

0:17:26 Thomas: But he's always watching yeah but it is pretty

0:17:27 Tom: All right yeah I forgot it yeah right yeah

0:17:30 Eli: So, you know,

0:17:31 Thomas: Fucking funny I could turn into an ugly cry idiot from like a pixar movie which people would be like well you're insane something's wrong with And then I see somebody like, oh, the TPS report, it it got deleted. And if I see someone like shed a tear, I'm like, you fucking weirdo. What are you, you in are crying over work? Would you cry and it's so funny because it's obviously I know in my heart that's nothing both of these are whatever it's like just people's I'm like but yeah but it's so funny that like in my stupid brain I'm like I cannot associate crying with with anything other than like a profound depression or like feeling of like I cry a lot actually I not ugly cry but like I find myself a lot just in awe of things lately do you do that I'm doing that constantly. It's really weird. I quiet enough that I can kind of keep it to myself. But I think there's a point in life I've reached where I find certain things so remarkable and fragile and impossible in different ways that I'll see, you like a video of of Mitchell playing a song. And I'm like, that's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened. And I'm just crying the whole time. I never used to do that, but but I can like keep it contained, but the ugly cry, that'S a hard one. And let's, let's get back to Gus Waltz because that so sweet. And that is a situation where I feel like that, you know, that you can ugly cry in that situation. A whole room of people is like, just you loving what your dad's doing and

0:17:57 Tom: You get to feel how you feel right like who cares yeah no

0:18:59 Thomas: Super proud of them yeah

0:18:59 Eli: And your dad is running for vice president of the United States. Like what, what are you fucking saving it up for?

0:19:06 Thomas: Exactly

0:19:07 Tom: That's actually what I I wrote down like, if not now, when, like, I can't imagine the sense of like, just be in that room with the energy of that room and the people and the support and the, the cheering and the clapping. And you're like, and that is the guy who like loved me through riding my bike. That is the boy who made me waffles last night. Like that's my guy. And he's standing up there. I would fucking fall apart if it was you like if it was you, like if I was just somebody that I knew at an intimate level and it's like that's my fucking guy, that's my wife, that' my kid, that my bud, like whatever, I think I would be I don't know that I would ugly cry like that, but I don't

0:19:13 Eli: When? Yeah. Yeah.

0:19:41 Thomas: Good call yeah

0:19:55 Tom: Know that I wouldn't, I certainly would have feelings about it, right I think if you're stoic in the face of pure joy and pride and like Like that, that overwhelm. If you are so fucking broken inside that you're like, I must remain stoic. I am not allowed this moment of free joy and expression. Like, holy fuck. Have we done a bad job raising you as a society?

0:20:11 Thomas: I

0:20:20 Eli: -hmm.

0:20:21 Thomas: Think Eli and I have made this point but like what are you doing here then what what are You doing here if this is not doing it for you if it's like peak I literally put on the Facebook after this I was I was like, I think we might all be NPCs in a life simulator where Tim Waltz gets to live the best life. Like, genuinely, it's just amazing.

0:20:40 Thomas: If Yeah, I don't know why they put Eli in.

0:20:40 Eli: I hate my programming. I said,

0:20:45 Thomas: You know, it is.

0:20:44 Tom: Nobody debugged your program at all. They're just like,

0:20:46 Thomas: It's like, yeah.

0:20:47 Tom: Slap it out there. It's fine.

0:20:47 Eli: We, I know we're trying to balance out Tim, but Sadboy7 is real sad. Do we want to pull him in a couple of clicks?

0:20:53 Thomas: And he's real weird. Like, do we need to do that? Okay. It's part of the realism. All right. Yeah, sure.

0:20:57 Eli: Did you hear him on the bonus talking about cum -covered tennis balls? I think we

0:21:02 Thomas: Nope. It's necessary to Tim Walsh living the perfect life. It is, you know, complicated systems, you emergent properties.

0:21:06 Eli: Do want him to be head of the hunting club and the gay club or just one of them because we need to make sad boy seven that sad oh

0:21:17 Tom: You I also want to like point out too that like if you are not moved to the point of tears by something like that's also okay like I don't want to suggest that like you have to be moved to a point of like sobbing if you see something like this I think what what we want to talk about is like this space where people feel like they can't or shouldn't not though they want to like even though they feel that feeling because like my wife like Haley is she's funny because like there are times in her life where she's very easily moved to tears by things which are beautiful or things which are you know she could like listen to a poem and be completely like brought into tears by it you know like it could just like wreck her into tears and then she'll watch something else that I'll be like holy shit that that's got a gut punch to her and I'll look over and she'd be like, that's something happening. And like, we just, things hit us different, you know, and different things can hit us different. Different moods might hit us different. So I just also want to point out, like, if you're just not the person who cries, that's like not necessarily toxic. I think the thing that's toxic is if youre like, I want to cry, but I'm afraid I want, I want you to feel joy, but Im tamping down the joy that I feel in order for people not to see it. Like that's the part that I think is dangerous is if If you're like, I'm actually feeling less joy and less emotion because I'm afraid that if I do, I'll show it to people.

0:22:39 Thomas: But I really want to as someone who did that. So like I've come obviously full, well not circle, that would be back where I was. I've become full 180 on this. And I do want to say that I think there's a chance, maybe it's entirely possible I've just always been like a sensitive kid trapped in a hellish nightmare family situation. That's entirely impossible. And so therefore my experience is not necessarily common. But I do know that for me at a very young age, having this trained out of me. The way you do it is by mockery, even if it's internal. So like the way people might be not crying sometimes on some things like this is by forming that defensive system that they're not even aware of and finding ways to sort of belittle the thing or contain it in a box in their mind that takes the punch out of it. And I recognized that I did that. I recognized that. Oh yeah. I sit, we have all these jobs and we it's, it's fucking time for jokes. Don't let me tell you like the Smith family household, any emotional display of anything was a hilarious time because I mean, honestly, it'S, it' s dealing with that discomfort and we're all funny people. So we would make incredible jokes about anyone like the Gus Waltz thing. If that had happened back when I was a Republican in that family, like, would have been mocking him per se, but we would have been like, well, that's pretty pathetic. That's cringy. I wouldn't have been fucking harassing him or something, but we had the ways to put that in a little box, even or not it's socially done out loud or just in our own minds because that's how you protect yourself from ever having to feel emotions. And some people maybe they just don't feel emotions, like some people are just less emotional and that might be you as a person. But other people, I think you develop this little subroutine going on to keep these things at an arm's length by kind of mocking or belittling them or doing something. And I actually think that's harmful. Like I think it has more stakes than just, oh, okay, it allows me to keep a distance from certain things and not get emotional about them. But I actually think it also causes people to not take other people's pain and suffering seriously enough. And I think it causes other bad effects. So I would just urge, maybe I'm the only one that's ever done this and maybe I'M different. Uh, but I would, I don't know, check in with yourself. Maybe if you're somebody who's like, Oh, I never get emotional. I be curious. Next thing I would Be curious, check -in on your own mind and see what's going on in there real real quick.

0:25:03 Eli: And I also think it's a defense mechanism that sensitive people develop very young right you develop and I think this is true of men and women but men especially like the cry baby thing Oh, you were such a crybaby. I don't know if I've told this story before, but I remember the first time telling it to Anna and having sort of a Tom moment where I realized it wasn't a funny story. So the first Time my parents left me with my grandmother, the way she would tell the story is she would say, Oh, and you were were such a cry baby you were like I want my mommy I want my mommy and I would just be like I was like that you got me good one grandma and I told that to anna at one point and she was like how old are you and I was like two right and she Was like oh um your grandma should be in hell is there a hell for her to burn it and I was like oh she should be in Hell there's a hell for her To burn it but like I do think like that's That's where a lot of my, because I have that habit as well, to right, shit on everything and to belittle everything and to roast everything before I can feel it because I was an incredibly sensitive kid and I did sort of butt up against the world's unkindness and I developed that outer shell as a defense mechanism. And I think more people did than admit it, right? And I also think that society gives a lot of slack for like not necessarily healthy behaviors. Right. Think the idea of the stoic man, right, that society is sort of put out like some men are just made out of iron and tar and old nickels. But I think if you were like, oh, you know, my mother never cracked a smile. While we'd be like, Oh, your mom was like, I think society understands that's not a healthy way to exist as a person, but we've created these little niches for our cowboy men that maybe we shouldn't.

0:26:54 Tom: I will tell you that like there have been times where I've been moved by something and been like, oh, like I just don't want to be seen to be tearing up in this context. Right. And like I don't belittle it in order. I'll just be like, nope, not here. And then I just like kind of you know lock it down you know right you just you just sort of like nope not feeling that now but I think there's some times where it's like okay this is not necessarily context appropriate we're not going to like show this you know like that's that's fine too yeah

0:27:09 Thomas: Compartmentalize. Yeah and

0:27:19 Eli: Believe me. I get it. I was me and Max were at the play place the other day. Um, cause we have this new one and it's one of the ones where the kids can play and And you can sort of sit and watch, which, as man unable to go down a slide, I deeply appreciate. So I'm watching, and I'm sort of TikTok -ing at the same time. And a TikTok of, a fan cut of one of my favorite animes, of one of the sad moments come up, and I feel myself start to cry in the play place. And I'm like, nope, not here, not here, not here. Not here.

0:27:50 Tom: But yeah like I I guess what I was trying to say like is like is as a general rule like like adherence to a sort of stoicism of like or like cultural context means that you're just like constantly tamping yourself down so you feel less feelings like just always bad like that that's that's always bad like because I I think at some point what happens is that becomes something you no longer have to work to do and now you just feel less now you Just walk through your life feeling less or only feeling this sort of like range of expressibles. And range of expressibles that are socially acceptable are not good. They're Haley and I got married, I that I was not going to be allowed to cry reading my vows to her, but not because I was going to be like mocked or ridiculed for it. I wouldn't have been, but because she would have cried and then it would have ruined her makeup. It would have pissed her off to

0:28:09 Eli: It's always bad. Head right

0:28:47 Tom: To ruin her makeup. So I stood in front of her and I was going to read my vows to her. And I was like, Oh, and was about to kind of shed one and I'm like, please hold. And I had to like, take a minute and like restrain myself in that moment. Right. From like that outward expression. But not a moment where I was feeling less, right. That's not a moment. I was like saying like, Nope, I can't feel this.

0:29:08 Eli: Wasn't like you guys were like sorry everybody I know being a real puss I

0:29:15 Tom: Right? And I think that to me, that That's like the difference. Like, is it a habit? Is it a person? Is it an habit? Is it shame that you feel? Or is it like, what's it attached to when you're like holding yourself back?

0:29:28 Thomas: Think the only thing I was adding was that might be an unconscious kind of subroutine for a lot of people that don't realize it and just I'm interested in that.

0:29:33 Eli: And can I saying I don' mind a little self -control during the vows because I've been to enough uncontrolled wed and look I I stand you and I love you with my full heart I'm I'm up there watching you dribble down both nostrils onto that little piece piece of paper you brought with you in your pocket I'm right there for you but as an audience but as a audience member I am like you should rehearse more like there is a part of me that's just like keep it tight keep it yeah the

0:29:36 Tom: I agree with you. Yeah, it is a performance,

0:29:49 Thomas: Wait did you didn't come to my wedding right? Right. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. So here's here's a very unfortunate thing. Wedding was where I found out I had this problem.

0:30:02 Tom: Right? Like, it's a performance.

0:30:10 Thomas: So that was like, oh, shit. OK, well, I'm not trained for this because I didn't know this happened now that I've unlocked. I've opened my heart up now in my life at whatever age I was then.

0:30:23 Tom: Smith, do you take Thomas No Chill Smith to be your husband?

0:30:26 Thomas: I just told Oh, my God. It was awful. I'm so glad we had such a small wedding.

0:30:27 Eli: Officiant turns to her and he's like hey do you want to take back the I do because I I don't know if you got to see that I

0:30:35 Thomas: This This guy's being a little, you know, and it was her dad. So that's even funnier.

0:30:39 Eli: Think he might throw up good times that's

0:30:45 Thomas: Good times. That's why we're doing and we're going to get divorced and get married again. Just to be able to do it.

0:30:50 Eli: That's how you do it just get it right all right should we mock some of these weirdos before we sign off all right I'm gonna start with my favorite this is mike crispy head of america first republicans of new jersey who tweeted the photo of gus that we're all so familiar with with the caption tim waltz stupid crying son isn't the flex the left thinks it is you raised your kid to be a puffy beta male congrats does baron trump cry no does he love his father of course that's the types

0:30:54 Thomas: Please.

0:30:55 Tom: Let's do it. Let's do this. Let's

0:31:23 Thomas: When he kills those animals. Does

0:31:26 Eli: Of values I want leading the country

0:31:27 Thomas: He? I don't know. I doubt doubt it.

0:31:29 Tom: Part of me is like, yeah, he doesn't cry because he's not proud of his dad. There's a big difference, right? Like, if my dad was like, I accept the nomination for the Nazi party.

0:31:39 Thomas: Tom, when you get about 34th guilty count, it's like, wow, that's a lot. That's impressive. You know?

0:31:45 Tom: Yeah.

0:31:45 Eli: Let me say something brave and from my heart you could shoot donald trump through the face with a harpoon gun and then remove it using your foot as a lever leverage against his chest and baron trump would step back so as not to get splashed that is the extent of the emotion baron Trump feels for his papa no

0:32:03 Thomas: A hundred percent.

0:32:08 Tom: Well -earned.

0:32:08 Thomas: And forget about the older two. There's absolutely nothing would happen. They don't care. Psychopaths.

0:32:14 Tom: Yeah, they are unfeeling robots. Yeah, yeah they've never had care in there. They get programmed into the uncanny valley that is their smooth, smooth faces.

0:32:26 Eli: Right next up uh an uh revised hair model for an off -brand, like a Shein brand of toothpaste. And Coulter back one of my favorite things that Republicans are mad about, saying, quote, talk about weird, end quote. And I love that. And let me say why I love this, right? Because it's not just her, once again, because she has broken character a couple of times in her life. She actually did it once on Bill Maher. She was just like, hey, man, like, I'm just a horrible evil this for a living like I don't know what you want me to do right nobody wants to buy my children's book bill and he was like ah good point but like the thing that's amazing about them being mad about the weirdness thing right that Tim Walz so beautifully communicated that they know that this is a that they've gone haywire right

0:32:30 Thomas: Communicator. Oh

0:33:19 Eli: They like somehow we were following we were grasping the iron rod of conservatism

0:33:25 Thomas: Yeah, it's like you're playing a game of werewolves and you're the werewolf and you know that they're, oh, fuck, they're going to get. And you're like, oh no, but that person over there is looking really werewolfy.

0:33:35 Eli: This is exactly what it is is the desperate cry because you just you're at the end of your rope and you're like oh I'm talking about cat litter like I'm a crazy person talking about cat litter this is not where I started so when tim walz the social studies teacher is like it seems odd that you're focused on this you're just like Like, your kid loves you. Like, I just love, yeah, how mad they are.

0:33:59 Thomas: Yeah, fucking weird. To be fair to them, it is very weird in those circles to have your kid love you. They must be like, that is fucking weird, right? Everybody. Oh, yeah, for sure.

0:34:12 Eli: Yeah, no, my kid, I actually

0:34:14 Thomas: That doesn't even talk to me anymore.

0:34:15 Eli: Had a heart attack in front of my kid. And he did this funny bit where he didn't call the police to help me. So, yeah. Normal.

0:34:23 Tom: You have to wonder, too, how much they focus group and workshop, I know you are, but what am I, as their response to this? Like, what about, uh, nuh -uh, mm, no. know have we tried I'm rubber and you're glue it's good but not not great

0:34:36 Thomas: Again when you're the werewolf you're all of a sudden you're trying to do too many calculations at once and know fucking no illusions knows you're at the pajama party you're like yeah but but Lydia did you see her she's she's lying she's lying.

0:34:50 Eli: You. Liar. Yeah. If you're Heath's fiance, we just automatically assume you're the werewolf and treat you as such. Next up is convicted felon Dinesh D'Souza, who said the kid might have mental problems, but he's acting just like Tim Walls. So what's Walls's excuse?

0:34:56 Tom: Now wait a minute just for clarity did he write that himself or did he plagiarize it like everything else

0:35:17 Eli: It's hard to say who wrote that one. And

0:35:19 Tom: He's a plagiarist guys yeah

0:35:20 Thomas: It's pretty brilliant.

0:35:21 Eli: Then and I obviously I didn't include any of the just fucking rando blue checks who gave elon musk a heil hitler six dollars or whatever it is uh jay weber conservative radio host who I think is gonna lose his job over this which is super funny uh yeah said sorry but this is embarrassing for both father and son if the Walzes represent today's american man this country's screwed. Meet my son, Gus. He's a blubbering bitch boy. His mother and I are very proud.

0:35:36 Tom: Really it's fucking christ I

0:35:53 Thomas: So what I love about this, and I say that ironically, obviously, but I do think it's important. Well, I think it's okay to be uncomfortable by the ugly crying as somebody who ugly cries. I get it. That's okay. That's okay but I do think that there's an important point to be made that it's one thing to say oh yeah his neurodiversity may be a reason that this happened sure sure but I think there's a level that people are explaining that away in a way that it makes me uncomfortable where it's like this guy for example went from that that horrible fucking hate crime of tweet tweet to, Oh, I didn't know he was neurodivergent. My bad. I didn't know he's neurodivergent.

0:36:35 Thomas: Which tells me like, that's not it, man. I don't think, I don't think it's like, okay, any behavior like this is downright just something you can mock and ridicule in horrible terms, unless you find out there's a label you can put on the person. And then you got to begrudgingly be like, Oh I guess I'll just just think those things and not say them out loud. You know?

0:36:58 Tom: Thought I was being cruel to a uh a neurotypical teenage kid yeah I I know when I was mocking a 17 year old yeah

0:37:02 Eli: Person, yeah. I thought I was just attacking a child. Yeah, just a normal child. Also, I created a subcategory, but we didn't have time for it in the episode, and I didn't want to divert us. The follow-up that all of these people have done is there's a clip of Walz kind of pulling uh out of the way of a camera because gus is so overwhelmed and so excited that they're on stage he brings the whole family and so he sort of like yanks him very gently out of a way because he's about to walk right into a fucking standing cam and they have sped that up right what they've done they did the same thing they did with the reporter lady right we've sped it up to make it look like Like he's trying to fucking judo toss his son and they're like, shame on you for treating your disabled son that way.

0:37:49 Eli: And the fact that, and like that first guy I read has done it. And like the factthat every single one of them have then tried to switch a roo around to be like, he's not very nice to that son. You all apparently don't like it when I'm not nice to.

0:37:48 Tom: My god yeah

0:37:58 Thomas: It's so stupid.

0:38:04 Tom: He's not being nice to this person I'm actively being cruel to in a public space like I watch this too

0:38:07 Thomas: Cyberbullying. Yeah I love that we just don't give a shit about that anymore. Sorry Tom. Go ahead. I just love that. I feel like as a society we've been like oh no you're being a fake piece of shit. We don't care about your fake argument. Yeah

0:38:19 Tom: I but like I when I watched this I was thinking like god I would love to live my life such that my kids were this proud of me ever like

0:38:27 Thomas: That's all any healthy person should think yeah

0:38:30 Tom: What a win! What an incredible win as a dad to have ever done anything in your life to where when you're being honored for it, or you're Being Noticed for it or you are being seen for it that your kids are this full of pride because they love you that much. Like, if we don't live our lives not just as Gus but as Tim to be examples like that, like that should be what we're all working toward. Like, I have no idea if my kids will ever see me and feel that much pride, but like, I'm going to really try. I'm gonna really give it hell.

0:38:59 Thomas: That is is what made me so emotional too because here is another level to this and maybe this is where neurodiversity matters there are all kinds of great parents with kids who love them who would never do that you know like who would still be like all right you know oh it is my dad but you know like I always think about that like your favorite you of all time time has probably by now our age has a kid that's like oh my dad you know he's just like the fucking you of this uh famous amazing you know like stuff that's Like would move us to tears but like there's some kid who's like yeah that's my idiot dad who does his lame stuff you know and it's like even even good parents with great with children those there's still a sense when they're like yeah I just can't really take all this stuff seriously because you know now it's my dad. Even that is like, yeah, that's totally understandable. But to be at this level where like that, he's showing that level of love and support for his father. There's no story other than he's a great dad and his son loves him. Like there's

0:40:04 Thomas: Just no, short of mind control, there's no other explanation for that. It's just so beautiful.

0:40:05 Eli: He just gave his son a whole bar of mushroom chocolate before the DNC. He was like, Daddy, Daddy needs the press.

0:40:14 Thomas: Short of, short, short short of that. Yeah.

0:40:16 Eli: Yeah. All All right, gentlemen, before we go, if and bacon walk into a restaurant. Restaurant waiter turns to him and says sorry we don't serve breakfast here

0:40:35 Thomas: I Oh, I

0:40:35 Tom: So bad. Good.

0:40:41 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.