DOD133: More Like Harrison BUTTker

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and utter dependence. I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

0:00:22 Clip: Telling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

0:00:29 Tom: Dear Old Dads, the podcast that has commenced to matriculate. I'm Tom Curry. I'm joined, as always, by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:38 Eli: FOOTBALL MAN IS A BIG DUMB IDIOT! FOOTBALL MAAAN IS A big dumb idiot! FOOTBALL MAN! FOOTBALL MAAN! Football man is a big dumb dummyyyyyyy!

0:00:45 Thomas: Gonna go ahead I'm gonna go ahead and call you out Eli I don't think you should call a kicker a football man he the Eli Bosnick of the team I don't know if you understand this about NFL kickers

0:00:55 Eli: The heart and soul of the team? The most important part? The key?

0:00:58 Thomas: Sure yeah he's a kick er it's he it's high pressure job you're not a football player you kick a a ball once It's only important. Like once every three games, maybe that you actually make your kick. That's difficult. And, uh, you know, then you miss it. And it's like, okay, cool. Or you make it. It was like, great. You made a kick. You're not a football player. You don't play football. You play kick the ball sometimes.

0:01:17 Eli: And Tom, you want to know the only thing worse than when your friend says that you're the kicker of his podcast? Why, it's the... it's the auto-ads, which you can remove from your podcast.

0:01:18 Tom: Counterpoint.

0:01:29 Eli: Over it. Over it it's

0:01:29 Thomas: I saw, I missed it. My joke. It'S like, I meant like, cause you don't play sports so he's like the you the not playing sports of the sports team nah damn it I really didn't mean it that way you're the quarterback of the podcast man you're the quarterback

0:01:34 Eli: Because the patreon .com forward slash sterile dance you get an extended extended version of every show parenting story tom tom tom missed one fuck tom his stupid little bike okay the bonus episodes we just did an ama where we only answered two questions but tom tom's told a really cool story about rules so you can get all that patreon.com forward slash let's

0:01:59 Thomas: Didn't mean it that way damn it dumb it dumb

0:02:03 Eli: Talk about dumb Dumb football guy. I want to talk about dumb football guy, I'm done doing that, man.

0:02:05 Tom: Don't football guy Can

0:02:05 Thomas: Football guy here's what I'm excited about there

0:02:07 Tom: We just say football guy I feel like it's redundant

0:02:10 Thomas: There's well come on like there's aaron rogers he's a genius come come on. Can I tell you, Aaron Rodgers is the reason we're finally going to get Noah onto Where There's Woke. Because we asked him like, hey, Aaron Rogers, this is a true story.

0:02:15 Eli: He's so smart. He knows so much science.

0:02:16 Tom: Oh yeah Aaron Rodgers has really been

0:02:26 Thomas: Aaron Rodgers did an interview with Tucker Carlson. Did you see that? And we were like, oh my God, who would fucking love to talk about this? No illusions. Can't wait.

0:02:26 Tom: Oh yeah oh yeah

0:02:34 Eli: Hell yeah, you found him.

0:02:36 Thomas: Yeah. But I'm because there has been the counter, I don't know if you've seen this, there's been the of counter backlash. Have you seen that where it's like, oh, this was misrepresented. This is misquoted like you guys or whatever.

0:02:36 Tom: Oh

0:02:36 Eli: You found him,

0:02:48 Thomas: And I'm, I have been saving it for this because I don't do any work ahead of time. I can't wait to hear what this asshole said. I wonder if, has he gotten a bad rap? You know?

0:02:47 Tom: My god it is not misquoted but

0:02:58 Eli: And here's the thing, Thomas is pathologically honest, so he will tell us if we are misrepresenting dumb football man. Man I

0:03:04 Thomas: That's, that is true. I'll quit the podcast live on air.

0:03:07 Tom: We are not I have

0:03:07 Eli: Just to be clear it he could be talking about being kind to children and puppies and I would still roast him because I know my fucking brand because

0:03:15 Thomas: No because of his face I'm looking at right now now that's that's for sure he's have you seen the stuff also is it worth talking about now and is it real or are we going to be sued that he uh hooked up with male cheerleaders in college have you seen that yeah I believe it he looks like he did

0:03:17 Eli: His face yeah oh

0:03:29 Tom: Not seen that

0:03:27 Eli: Yes I have seen that yeah he uh let's just say if you're gonna come out publicly against gay pride and spoilers alert he does it's really important that you not have a trail of buttholes your penis has been in with access to the social internet

0:03:46 Tom: Well male buttholes at least

0:03:48 Thomas: I was gonna say man she had tom tom pipes in

0:03:50 Eli: Male buttholes male but tholes

0:03:50 Tom: I mean that does make a it does make a material difference just you know to the problem yeah nick

0:03:57 Eli: Not that there's a look I actually think homophobia is worse than hypocrisy so whenever anyone points out one of these guys is gay I'm like huh that's a cool fun fact about that asshole but like at the same time it is always funny that without a doubt I don't know if you saw nick fuentes got caught looking at gay porn again like without a doubt whenever that comes up and And it's sad because sometimes you'd be like, hey, this guy's really homophobic.

0:04:18 Tom: Nick Fuentes is the guy who said that having sex with a woman is the gayest thing you can do.

0:04:20 Eli: He's gay. Yeah. And he was doing his live stream the other night and he was sharing his screen and then he thought he had clicked out and just started to watch gay porn. And everyone was like, Nick, Nick buddy.

0:04:22 Thomas: That was how how did we not see this coming okay

0:04:22 Tom: That tracks.

0:04:35 Eli: So yeah. Let's hear, let's here what this gent had to say.

0:04:36 Thomas: Interesting oh yeah we're gonna we're gonna play it and see how much of it we can stand

0:04:42 Eli: That audio. Go in the full cock dis here.

0:04:43 Thomas: I already hate his face so much I I hate this guy so much, oh my god, and

0:04:46 Clip: Of 2024. I would like to start off by congratulating all of you for successfully making it to this achievement today. I'm sure your high school graduation was not what you had imagined, and most likely neither was your first couple years of college. By making it through this moment through all the adversity thrown your way from COVID, I hope you learned the important lessons that suffering in this life is only temporary. As a group, you witnessed firsthand how bad leaders who don't stay in their lane can have a negative impact on society.

0:04:53 Thomas: Being white,

0:05:17 Clip: It is through this lens that I want to take stock of how we got to where we are and where we want to go as citizens and yes as Catholics. One last thing before I begin, I want to be sure to thank President Minnis and the board for their invitation to speak. When President Minis first reached out a couple of months ago I had originally said no. You see last year I gave the commencement address at my alma mater Georgia Tech and I felt that one graduation speech was more than enough, especially for someone

0:05:15 Thomas: What yeah oh

0:05:17 Eli: I'm a football player turns

0:05:19 Tom: Thank you

0:05:36 Thomas: That's not my baby yeah

0:05:47 Eli: Out

0:05:47 Clip: Who isn't a professional speaker.

0:05:47 Eli: You were right baby classic

0:05:49 Clip: But of course President Minnest used his gift of persuasion and spoke to the many challenges you all faced throughout the COVID fiasco and how you missed out on so many milestones the rest of us older people have taken for granted. While COVID might have played a large role throughout your formative years, it is not unique. Bad policies and poor leadership have

0:05:56 Tom: President menace uh

0:05:56 Thomas: That's so him classic menace menace yeah

0:06:10 Eli: That's pretty fucking unique my man

0:06:09 Tom: It's extremely unique it's a I mean I guess if you go back to the 19 teens it's not unique but yeah yeah

0:06:14 Thomas: It's pretty

0:06:16 Clip: Policies and poor leadership. Have negatively impacted major life issues. Things like abortion, IVF, surrogacy, euthanasia, as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values and media all stem from the pervasiveness of disorder.

0:06:20 Thomas: -huh it's I'm

0:06:21 Tom: I'm there wait

0:06:33 Thomas: Sorry surrogacy what

0:06:36 Eli: Surrogacy and ivf

0:06:33 Tom: What we're well yeah like the the ivf problem was a direct offshoot of you idiot right -wingers fucking with abortion I

0:06:44 Thomas: I don't I don'T think he means that dude I think he MEANS that IVF is a problem if you're saying surrogancy like what the fuck man oh

0:06:50 Eli: He's a catholic yeah no this is a big thing in my cat do you guys not know about this catholics are anti-surrogacy they look up the real mother's movement it's fucking amazing they go and like protest at surrogacy events they're like we're a real mother it rules there's

0:06:54 Thomas: My god well oh jesus christ Christ. Wow. That's the worst thing I've ever heard. Yeah.

0:07:12 Eli: No version of villainy they haven't found yeah

0:07:15 Tom: Will say I have read some articles talking about the potential problems with like commodifying poor people's bodies as it relates to surrogacy and

0:07:24 Thomas: Don't you dare. That is not what they care about.

0:07:25 Eli: That is not their issue tom that

0:07:27 Thomas: They care about the soul of the fucking embryo.

0:07:27 Tom: But I but I'm trying to say I'm try to say that's not what they're talking about out I don't I but that's what I'm trying to do I'm try to like recognize that that is an argument where like yes I think that there's like there are some potential problems with like commodifying the bodies of poor people that is not what's being yeah

0:07:31 Eli: Definitely not I

0:07:33 Thomas: Fair. Fair. No he doesn't care about these. He that's his favorite part of surrogacy. He's like into the he's like well it does have some upsides in that we get to commodify poor people's bodies it also has a dark side.

0:07:50 Eli: Know what you're thinking I love selling poor bodies but there are better ways to do it and you're you're at a catholic institution we can promise this to you

0:07:59 Thomas: I'm just realizing that my sisters went to this exact kind of school and now I'm putting myself in that mindset, but I got to say, I don't know if, uh, I don't remember them being against surrogacy. Maybe it just wasn't like a big issue back then. Or maybe it's like, yeah, okay.

0:08:10 Eli: It's relatively new the ivf surrogacy thing is relatively new as they lost the abortion tent poll for catholics um because it used to be a catholic issue and then catholics were like we don't believe this shit anymore stop fucking our kids so now they've moved over to ivf and surrogacy because they have control over so many hospitals

0:08:16 Thomas: Interesting, but I just want to make clear. He was saying that the handemic, which killed millions of people worldwide I forget fucking a lot a lot of people that's not out of the ordinary because ivf surrogacy exists how

0:08:41 Eli: Euthanasia as as well well as growing support for degenerate cultural values in the media

0:08:47 Thomas: Many People have been euthanized like like four it's

0:08:50 Tom: Well it's only legal in eight states that's the thing it's like I just looked it up it's yeah this is a de minimis problem like it's it's legal in eighth states yeah not a problem The the problem is it's not legal in all the states.

0:08:52 Eli: It's actually not a problem at all it's chill as fuck yeah

0:08:52 Thomas: Not a lot no it's a zero percent of problem yeah yeah but

0:09:02 Tom: That's the problem, right? The

0:09:03 Thomas: Even the people who take advantage who like actually utilize it so few like it's not okay all right let's hear what maybe he's going to build the case better you know maybe he'll yeah

0:09:12 Eli: Let's let yeah how

0:09:12 Tom: Well, I'm going to find out what he means by the pervasiveness of disorder, which is a super specific phrase. So, a

0:09:18 Clip: Own nation is led by a man who publicly and proudly proclaims his Catholic faith, but at the same time is delusional enough to make the sign of the cross during a pro -abortion rally. He has been so vocal and his support for the murder of innocent babies that I'm sure to many people it appears that you can be both Catholic and pro -choice. He

0:09:29 Eli: Dare he you can though that

0:09:38 Tom: Lot of

0:09:38 Clip: Is not alone.

0:09:38 Tom: Catholics are.

0:09:39 Clip: From the man behind the COVID lockdowns

0:09:41 Thomas: Well if he's not alone then sounds like you can't

0:09:42 Clip: To the people pushing dangerous gender ideologies onto the youth of America, they all have a

0:09:46 Eli: Was trump trump would

0:09:46 Tom: The, wait, the man behind the COVID lockdowns wasn't Biden. Does he not know when the COVID lockdown's?

0:09:48 Thomas: Nobody actually

0:09:47 Eli: They don't they really really don't know it's

0:09:52 Thomas: Knows when press yeah they really truly don't hey

0:09:55 Tom: A, there was a Times article the other day. It's 17% of Americans blame Biden for the end of Roe. They're just like, yeah, that was Biden because it was under his watch. He should have stopped the Supreme. And you're just Like, all right, nobody knows what happened.

0:10:08 Thomas: Plus he appointed um zero of those justices that did that so that makes sense that I thought okay before that during Trump they used to do that with Obama where they'd say like blame Obama for this like that was Trump was already in office though and I thought that was like a one -off but no that's the thing now they just like if a bad thing happened they're just like that was the other president and it's like no

0:10:12 Tom: It's amazing. So

0:10:22 Eli: That was Trump. Still Trump, though.

0:10:31 Tom: They blame they blamed Obama for like the the housing crisis, which took root in the W administration. And they're like, oh, yeah. Obama really did. And you're like that was prior. That was all prior. 100%. That was prior. All the fixes were Obama.

0:10:45 Eli: You guys get in the dumb fucking I hate Biden emails yet.

0:10:49 Tom: No, what?

0:10:50 Thomas: I think I've successfully gotten rid of all the emails oh

0:10:52 Eli: God. What do I say? What can I possibly say on air to get rid of those emails? Dear Lord.

0:10:53 Tom: From the shows?

0:10:58 Thomas: You oh sorry do you mean listeners oh fuck that you're fucking pieces of shit what are you what are they saying

0:11:04 Eli: I love it so much. So it always happens close to the election. Right. Because we're like, you should have voted for Hillary Clinton. And then about two years out, we We get a bunch of like, I sure am sorry that I voted for Jill Stein. I sure didn't mean it. And I'm like, yeah, tell all the women who you've literally killed with your decisions.

0:11:19 Eli: And then we get to be election time and they want to feel special again. Right. That's why they did it. Right. It's because they want me like, oh, I'm too

0:11:25 Thomas: They want to be a special well

0:11:26 Eli: To vote for the guy. So they were

0:11:27 Thomas: They're so smart you see we're dumb because we're like oh I just see blue and I'm like I got a vet for blue I don't know I haven't thought about the implications of what's actually gonna fucking can happen if the policies of the other guy go into place I just see blue I see d and I'm like I gotta vote I gotta go for drink

0:11:29 Eli: Dumb. We fell for it. We're afraid. Yeah. I didn't pull the lever on the left. Don't know. I they have the same approach to war crimes on gaza and children I'm just gonna push both at the same time and see which one the machine registers yeah

0:11:54 Thomas: So they're so smart because they can see through that I'm so dumb god I'm an idiot I can't see through it

0:11:59 Tom: Spent so little time thinking and reading about this. Thank you for educating me.

0:12:02 Eli: So yeah we

0:12:03 Thomas: Because they're able to take one like gerrymandered fucking statistic and be like actually border crossings and they biden actually deported more people and you're like yeah but um that's a solid case you're right he maybe statistically he deported More people so that's exactly as bad as having a policy of family separation and actually fucking literally losing children but not on paper deporting as many people because of other extraneous fucking issues that don't really have much to do with anything not that Biden's good on the border yeah he sucks on the board yeah we live in a country where the The people in charge suck on the border. So it's, do you want someone who sucks 90 % or 1 ,000 billion percent?

0:12:12 Eli: Brain

0:12:41 Tom: No, but you're thinking about it all wrong. We should vote for an entirely viable third party. There's obviously an entirely viable real third party choice.

0:12:46 Thomas: I I think the brain worm has the best chance. I'm voting. I want to vote for specifically the brainworm. Yeah. I want it.

0:12:51 Eli: Worm 2024 yes I'm writing in

0:12:54 Thomas: I want him to make very clear.

0:12:54 Eli: Brain worm yeah I'm I'm writing in brain worm.

0:12:56 Thomas: Brainworm may operate via the vehicle of RFK, but my vote is for the worm.

0:12:59 Eli: RFK Jr. Okay, but here's the thing. If the brain worm was super smart and passed a cognitive test, right?

0:13:07 Thomas: Yeah.

0:13:07 Eli: I in a fair election, I might vote for the brainworm. Because A, I get to hear RFK Jr.'s voice. Hilarious. B, maybe worm is a go -getter, right. He took control of a brain. You know what I'm saying?

0:13:17 Tom: It's a go getter.

0:13:18 Thomas: That's true. Well, I think

0:13:19 Eli: He didn't have that.

0:13:19 Thomas: We do. Here's what we do, we the brain work, but we say it has to go in Biden's brain. So it's like you get both of them like a split ticket kind of vote, you know?

0:13:29 Clip: Glaring thing in common. They are Catholic. This is an important reminder that being Catholic alone doesn't cut it.

0:13:34 Thomas: Sorry, who?

0:13:35 Eli: The people be bad people.

0:13:37 Clip: These are the sorts of things we are told in polite society to not bring up, you know, the difficult and unpleasant things.

0:13:37 Eli: Said the commencement speaker at a graduation and

0:13:44 Clip: But if we are going to be men and women for this time in history, we need to stop pretending that the Church of Nice is a winning proposition. We must always speak and act in charity, but never mistake charity for cowardice.

0:13:48 Eli: That's it just men and women sorry do you think you're the church it's fine yeah

0:13:58 Thomas: I think I think they're saying that the not calling this shit out is the Church of Nice and they can't be part of that. They don't.

0:14:04 Eli: That's what they're known for it's what I think of when I think of the catholics how

0:14:07 Thomas: Famously nice. Yeah,

0:14:07 Tom: Of nice. Well, I think the catholics are the chill, the very chill group.

0:14:08 Thomas: A little too nice to children is what I think. Yeah for being a kicker

0:14:13 Clip: That over the past few years I have gained quite the reputation for speaking my mind. I

0:14:12 Eli: They are never heard of you my man never

0:14:18 Clip: Never envisioned

0:14:18 Thomas: What

0:14:18 Tom: Nobody's ever heard of you say anything.

0:14:18 Clip: Myself nor

0:14:19 Eli: Fucking Fucking hurty.

0:14:19 Clip: Wanted to have this sort of a platform, but God has given in it to me, so I have no other choice but to embrace it and preach more hard truths about accepting your lane and staying in it.

0:14:23 Eli: Got him.

0:14:30 Tom: There's an irony there. Do you feel the irony there, my guy?

0:14:32 Thomas: That is that is like literally a punchline you would write into an snl version of this I'm sorry what fine come on

0:14:40 Eli: Look, I think it's important that I, a man about to get nationally dragged for trying to step out of my lane of kicky to football into politics and morality, tell you, don't step out your lane of politics

0:14:53 Tom: To like, no spoilers here, but this is a man who is about to preach to the 51 % of the people that are in the audience that are women, how to conduct the entirety of their lives from his lane as a guy. That's his position.

0:15:09 Thomas: Off I think listener if you haven't seen this person you probably have but if you have it if you were uh a police sketch artist and someone said like the suspect was white male privilege, you'd be like, all right, here's what I think it looks like. And it would exactly be this guy, the haircut, the, about him. You literally would draw an exact drawing of that sight unseen. And

0:15:24 Eli: It's Harrison Buttlicker. Here's the guy. Looks like the center of Matt Walsh's vision board. The

0:15:37 Thomas: This, and guy I get over it. I know we call it the hypocrisy and it's like, how did, but like literally in the same sentence as being like, these people didn't stay in their lane and God God gave me this lane. And so I'm going to tell them everything. Not, not just like, I'm gonna opine on a couple of things. I'm Going in every lane. I actually just get every, like the caucasity of thinking like, well, staying in lanes is for other people. I get to do, I didn't say anything about anything. And that's my lane because I'm Harrison fucking Butker, white Catholic. That is crazy. That level of self -unawareness is literally crazy. Like I don't, how? How?

0:15:58 Eli: Sheer caucasity okay but thomas stay tuned because he's got a little bit of a movie recommendation for us all

0:16:18 Tom: Good lord

0:16:18 Clip: To be authentically and unapologetically Catholic. Don't be mistaken, even within the Church, people in polite Catholic circles will try to persuade you to remain silent. There even was an award -winning film called Silence, made by a fellow Catholic, wherein one of the main characters, a Jesuit priest, abandoned the church and as an apostate, when he died, is seen grasping a crucifix, quiet and unknown to anyone but God. As a friend of Benedictine college, His Excellency Bishop Robert Barron said in his review of the film, it was exactly what the cultural elite want to see in Christianity, private, hidden away, and harmless. Countless. Our

0:16:28 Eli: Retakes played

0:16:32 Thomas: Like the Pope.

0:16:38 Eli: By liam neeson

0:17:00 Clip: Catholic faith has always been countercultural.

0:17:00 Tom: A famously private hidden away harmless christians

0:17:03 Clip: Our Lord, along with countless followers, were all put to death for their adherence to her teachings. The world around us says that we should keep our beliefs to ourselves whenever they go against the tyranny of diversity, equity, and inclusion. We

0:17:02 Eli: Fuck

0:17:03 Tom: Of america what

0:17:17 Eli: Yeah taking on big dei everybody

0:17:19 Thomas: Man. Oh

0:17:17 Tom: The fuck what the f**k we should that cat you literally have a catholic president right now and you're you're trying to claim disempowered

0:17:27 Thomas: He's not Catholic. He's a demon.

0:17:27 Eli: You weren't tom you gotta listen

0:17:28 Thomas: You didn't listen to the first part.

0:17:28 Tom: I know he

0:17:28 Eli: He made the sign of the cross at an abortion rally

0:17:29 Tom: Says he's not a true no I'm sorry I was was looking for the true scotsman I got mixed up yeah

0:17:34 Eli: He's not a true scotsman but wait are there any laws that make it dangerous to be a christian these days thomas who

0:17:40 Thomas: Here we go.

0:17:41 Clip: Now, unfortunately, truth is in the minority. Congress just passed a bill where stating something as basic as as the biblical teaching of who killed Jesus could land you in jail.

0:17:46 Thomas: What? Oh that's funny.

0:17:52 Clip: But make no mistake, before we

0:17:51 Eli: Killed jesus hey hey harrison

0:17:53 Thomas: That's so funny.

0:17:54 Eli: Harrison real quick sorry hand up in the back hand up on the back harrison really quick real quick who killed right

0:18:01 Thomas: That is amazing because like do you think it who well it did include that that's why Marjorie taylor green didn't vote for it but like I love it because the conservatives were caught in their own bullshit because they don't actually care about anti -semitism obviously they're completely pretending and so there's this bill and then they're like well what but I still want to be able to say that

0:18:04 Tom: Not what the bill says

0:18:21 Eli: The left are just doing this for a little while we we want dibs on we're gonna use it it's like it's like when a friend comes over and your mom says like you gotta let him play nintendo but like That's still your Nintendo. That's how the right feel about anti -Semitism right now. It's like, yeah, the left are using it, but that's their brand.

0:18:36 Thomas: For sure yeah yeah yeah

0:18:40 Eli: You can't...

0:18:40 Tom: It's still still ours

0:18:41 Thomas: We can't if we do anything permanent about it we We won't be able to be anti -Semitic.

0:18:44 Eli: Can't delete my save files on the anti -Semitism Super Nintendo just because you're using it. Right.

0:18:48 Thomas: We need those later. Once the issue spins to a new thing, then we want to bring that right back. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. We

0:18:55 Clip: Even attempt to fix any of the issues plaguing society, we must first get our own house in order, and it starts with our leaders. The bishops and priests appointed by God as our spiritual fathers must be rightly ordered.

0:19:03 Thomas: Must first nail this field goal. Dude, you're

0:19:11 Clip: There's not enough time today for me to list all the stories of priests and bishops misleading their flocks, but none of us can blame ignorance anymore and just blindly proclaim that that's what father said because sadly many priests we are looking to for leadership are the same ones who prioritize their hobbies or even photos with their dogs and matching outfits for the parish directory it's

0:19:11 Thomas: A kicker.

0:19:16 Tom: I agree there what

0:19:19 Thomas: Yeah. Huh?

0:19:32 Tom: Do

0:19:32 Thomas: Some of those who sign crosses are the same. Crosses slightly different.

0:19:32 Tom: We we have problems with dogs what

0:19:32 Eli: Fucking got him. Got him. Guys, finally, someone is calling out that guy who Catholics were mad at three and a half years ago for having

0:19:44 Thomas: What is that? I don't even know what this is, man.

0:19:46 Tom: Is this I

0:19:47 Eli: We all have the same job guys what fuck is happening

0:19:50 Tom: Missed

0:19:50 Thomas: I don't really have the same job as you, I'll be honest.

0:19:52 Tom: This one I missed this one what

0:19:53 Thomas: Tom

0:19:53 Eli: It Tom three and

0:19:54 Thomas: Has no excuse, but I don' t really, yeah. Sorry.

0:19:57 Eli: A half year because I was like oh I fucking remember this three and half years ago one of the priests had his dog his service dog by the way it's not even just like a pet his service dog in his parish directory photo with him and they had matching sweaters, which is fucking adorable. It's

0:20:11 Thomas: My God, well, but Jesus wept at the sight of that, oh,

0:20:16 Eli: But apparently, when this guy thinks of priests who have let people down in the line of duty, he thinks of the guy who's like, me and Snuff Snuff are both wearing Gingerbread Man sweaters.

0:20:22 Tom: Is wait a minute this became a controversy I don't even

0:20:29 Thomas: Holy crap,

0:20:32 Eli: It was huge. Oh, the Catholic, Bill Donahue did a blog about it. I read the blog on air because it was just Bill Donohue being like, dogs don't have souls.

0:20:35 Thomas: That guy, ah, oh, my, God,

0:20:43 Tom: That's why they don't show up in photos oh wait yeah fuck they did it's in the photo shit

0:20:47 Thomas: Yeah, does he ever mention pedophile priests, or we'll find out

0:20:47 Eli: Vampire dog. No, man, he's a Catholic. Fuck are you gonna...

0:20:54 Tom: Of course not is isn't it isn't also the same that he's saying Saying like, hey, you know, all these Catholics looking at the priests for guidance. It's like, that's your whole religious philosophy. The Protestants actually like started a whole thing called we'll do it ourselves. And he's basically being like, maybe do it ourselves.

0:21:03 Thomas: At the wrong priest though yeah I

0:21:09 Eli: He starts by being like, these guys are appointed by God, but they fucking suck at their job. So what are you, God's a bit, God's Tom just hiring and firing people left and right? Didn't work out. I'd put a 15 -minute meeting on your calendar.

0:21:15 Thomas: Know it's amazing

0:21:24 Tom: This -Catholic Catholic message. Like this is like antithetical to the Catholicism itself.

0:21:27 Eli: You'd think so.

0:21:30 Tom: Itself.

0:21:27 Thomas: Man I I just feel like there'S some sort of Dilemma where like you the things right because god appointed the priests or are they right because I want it to be right and I'm deciding it's right wow what a dilemma I just just don't know which yeah it's like I can't pick which one of those is right was

0:21:39 Eli: Tough, it's tricky. Tricky, okay. But Thomas, what does St. Josemaria Escribia state?

0:21:48 Tom: I don't

0:21:49 Thomas: That a hate crime I'm not sure but the lie I'm never sure but

0:21:50 Clip: Us to be holy that we must be active in our parish and try to fix it yes we absolutely should be involved in supporting our parishes but we cannot not be the source for our parish priests to lean on to help with their problems. Just as we look at the relationship between a father and his son, so too should we look at the relationships between a priest and his people.

0:22:00 Thomas: Not the gay ones

0:22:12 Clip: It would not be appropriate for me to always be looking to my son for help when it is my job as his father to lead him. St.

0:22:11 Eli: They're fucking yeah

0:22:11 Thomas: To stop them from fucking their kids

0:22:20 Tom: Even know what that paragraph's about.

0:22:20 Clip: Josemaria Escriva states that priests are ordained to serve and should not yield to temptation to imitate lay people but to be priests through and through tragically so many priests revolve much of their happiness around the adulation they receive from their parishioners and in searching for this they let their guard down and become overly familiar this undue familiarity will prove to

0:22:23 Tom: This feels like vague booking, a commencement address.

0:22:40 Tom: Okay, real quick, Thomas, if I'm sitting in the fucking audience listening to this, I went to Benedictine or whatever, and I've got my degree, and I'm sitting In the audience, I'm like, yeah, I'M NOT A PRIEST, MAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT ANY OF THIS? WHAT THE FUCK?

0:22:53 Thomas: I would say there's a good chance knowing a tiny catholic university um good chance literally everyone in the audience knows what he's talking like they're probably have a fucking newsletter that was like here you see what this priest tweeted about and like that's their whole life is like tweet drama about well

0:23:01 Eli: For sure the dog you

0:23:10 Tom: Shouldn't a commencement address be delivered giving advice into the world of actionable things that the people who just like in this case, it's just like, well, I got an ax to grind about priests. And you're just like. All right. Well, I just graduated. Am I supposed to wear sunscreen and take care of my knees or not? Like, what the fuck? Like, this is.

0:23:18 Eli: Would think that yeah yeah all right

0:23:30 Thomas: Who else is gonna fix all the priests what

0:23:30 Eli: But wait thomas does he have any disses for say one of the most likable billionaires in the world right now you know a little uh little criticism

0:23:38 Thomas: Likable billionaires oh what

0:23:39 Clip: Problematic every time because as my teammates girlfriend says familiarity breeds contempt saint jose maria continues that someone to see the priest priest guard

0:23:44 Thomas: That sorry what what oh

0:23:48 Eli: It was a taylor swift joke because she She was at the games so much, and -wingers lost their minds about it.

0:23:55 Thomas: But if he's just quoting her for saying something that's actually a very famous saying what that a diss or it was a diss yeah

0:24:05 Eli: Yeah, it was a diss. Yeah, because everyone hates her. Everyone hates Taylor Swift.

0:24:11 Tom: I I love how you have to like have this like in -depth knowledge like eli does to even understand these for

0:24:14 Thomas: I know this

0:24:16 Eli: You have the same job as me, Tom! Why don't you have the same job -

0:24:19 Thomas: This might as well be a larping convention where they're talking about the details of the spells yeah and he said 173 hit points when actually if you look at the modifiers on the spell it was and not to diminish that it's like I don't I just don't know what the fuck you're talking About yeah it's much less cool than that yeah

0:24:22 Tom: Real like

0:24:23 Eli: Gazanthor, the mighty wizard, am I right, everybody? It's much less believable magic, yeah.

0:24:41 Tom: Teammates girlfriend uses a widely known platitude but

0:24:45 Thomas: I know I'm sorry I gotta listen back to see if that really was an insult it's like that this is you know what this is this is the Bilbo Baggins saying half of you I don't know that half as well as I have is like what the fuck is this okay

0:24:53 Clip: Down and become overly familiar. This undue familiarity will prove to be problematic every time because, as my teammate's girlfriend says, familiarity breeds contempt.

0:25:06 Thomas: That's just a reference that's not an insult so his statement is getting too familiar with the flock because you got to call your fucking people if you're a priest or whatever the flock you can't be too familiar you have to be the a god fucking emperor of them that just talks to god and so getting too familiar is bad and he's just making a reference the lowest form of anything which is this person that I kind of have a connection to if you think about it I am a kicker on the team of a guy that's way cooler that dates a cool person that you all like um she said something sort of apropos here I don't think that's an insult to her well

0:25:40 Tom: It's so insane too to be like I'm gonna quote my girlfriend who's quoting a platitude like you just say you could just say because familiarity breeds contempt literally everybody's heard that phrase

0:25:45 Thomas: His girlfriend but yeah well no but that's but that'S the thing tom This is, he is, this is his moment to say, I know these kids love Taylor Swift.

0:25:50 Eli: But then you wouldn't get to - I know

0:25:55 Thomas: I know a guy who knows a guy. Yeah, exactly. So it's like, that's the wink.

0:25:56 Tom: My lord he's just kevin baconing

0:25:55 Eli: A guy who knows Taylor Swift he's touched her boob he's touched her he didn't touch both of them because he started to talk about Chipotle in between and she said they had to stop if he talked about Chipotle more but he touched one never

0:26:04 Thomas: She, they brush, she brushed by. Yeah. What

0:26:14 Clip: St. Josemaria continues that some want to see the priest as just another man. That is not so. They want to find in the priest those virtues proper to every Christian and indeed every honorable man, understanding, justice, a life of work, priestly work in this instance, and good manners. It is not prudent as the laity for us to consume ourselves in becoming amateur theologians so that we can decipher this or that theological teaching, unless of course you are a theology

0:26:32 Tom: A football and others

0:26:41 Eli: Should have translated the Bible

0:26:42 Tom: You were just talking about yeah

0:26:40 Thomas: Are you doing right now? What are YOU doing right NOW? This What, isn't credible. This isn't, it's a level of just, I can't, I cannot understand this level of not being aware of yourself what this person can only make this speech if in their mind they are fucking god like right I mean you can't be like don't become amateur theologians just listen to exactly what I've said in my nitpicking of every fucking priest in the entire country nay world yeah I really I honestly that's the only thing that makes sense fucking crazy person well

0:27:09 Eli: Speech does make a tremendous amount more sense if he was doing it as God

0:27:21 Clip: We must be intentional with our focus on our estate in life and our own vocation, And for for most of us, that's that's as married men and women. Still, we have so many great resources at our fingertips that it doesn't take long to find traditional and timeless teachings that haven't been ambiguously reworded for our times.

0:27:25 Thomas: Now he's just quoting tom's blog

0:27:39 Clip: Plus, there are still many good and holy priests, and it's up to us to seek them out. The chaos of the world is unfortunately reflected in the chaos in our parishes and sadly in our cathedrals too. Our cathedrals too. As we saw during the pandemic, too many bishops were not leaders at all.

0:27:39 Thomas: Okay what shut up okay he's getting emotional yeah I

0:27:56 Clip: They were motivated by fear, fear of being sued, fear being removed, fear, being disliked. They showed by their actions, intentional or unintentional, that the sacraments don't actually matter.

0:27:59 Thomas: Need to stick to moving diagonally if you ask me

0:28:09 Clip: Because of this, countless people died alone without access to the sacrament. And it's a tragedy we must never forget.

0:28:08 Eli: Nailed it that's what they died of lack of sacraments during COVID

0:28:15 Tom: Sacraments yeah that's it I

0:28:17 Thomas: Just covid so they didn't do the sacraments during is that what he's talking about

0:28:20 Eli: Literally, that is what he's saying. He's talking about the Catholics who canceled masses and people died without getting their cracker and blood. And that's and that is the saddest part of covid for him.

0:28:31 Thomas: that'S the real problem look

0:28:34 Tom: I think yeah I think he's also saying too that like Like, the bishops and what have you didn't stand up to the COVID lockdowns and keep holding church so that more people could die, but more of them would die with crackers and blood.

0:28:46 Thomas: Hold on though I'm going to turn this around because if he were saying that hey um you should have been a good catholic priest and sort of like gone down with the ship. Like if you think that this is important, then you got to be in there in that COVID ward doing the crackers and blood. And maybe I'm like, yeah, okay, sure. You think this, you think this is real? You think God is real. Sure. Get in there. Take a deep breath in while you give the cracker.

0:29:03 Eli: Get out there. Yeah, like that Mormon college that had to stop the kids from going into the emergency room and using their magic powers? Exactly.

0:29:14 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, like you, if you really believe it, I mean, sure, Harrison Butker, you do it. Why didn't you get in there, man? What are you doing? You don't have to kick once every what

0:29:20 Eli: He's just a kid. He would have kicked those people in COVID wards so hard if they had asked him to.

0:29:26 Clip: Of heroic shepherds who gave saved their lives for their people and, ultimately, the Church. We cannot buy into the lie that the things we experienced during COVID were appropriate. Over the centuries, there have been great wars, great famines, and yes, even great diseases – all that came with a level of lethality and danger. But in each of those examples, Church leaders leaned into their vocations and ensured that their people received the sacraments.

0:29:38 Eli: Tiger King. Tiger King need

0:29:38 Tom: What things?

0:29:38 Thomas: The fuck jesus christ yeah

0:29:54 Clip: Great Saints like Saint Damian of Malachi, who knew the dangers of his ministry, stayed for 11 years as a spiritual leader to the leper colonies of Hawaii. His heroism is looked at today as something set apart and unique, when ideally it should not be unique at all. For as a father loves his child, so a shepherd should love his spiritual children too. That goes even more so for our bishops, these men who are present -day apostles. Our bishops once had adoring crowds of people kissing their rings and taking in their every word but now relegate themselves to

0:29:54 Eli: Their fucking crackers. I

0:29:56 Thomas: Why yeah

0:30:28 Clip: A position of inconsequential

0:30:28 Tom: I'm sorry, there's got to be a lot of Catholics sitting in this audience looking around like, is he on our side or not on our site?

0:30:33 Eli: Understand.

0:30:33 Tom: I don't, we're very confused.

0:30:30 Clip: Existence now

0:30:34 Eli: I will be honest. If I gave this speech about Catholics, people would rightly criticize it as like, hey, man, relax.

0:30:41 Thomas: Well one thing about catholicism like small catholic schools is that everything about this guy in this speech is we are the secret holders of the true knowledge and to the degree where it's not like hey we all catholics are it's It's like, no, a specific little thingy in here with our little politics that we have about fucking weird shit.

0:31:02 Thomas: Yeah, whatever the goddamn hell this shit is, we are the secret holders of the true Cathol. And that's, I think that's what he's going for. And honestly, I bet you, isn't he related to somebody like that runs the fucking shit? Didn't I hear that? Like, I'm sure he's nailing this for the students. Like, I'm sure they're totally into this.

0:31:01 Eli: Aberdeen university yeah so what's so funny about that is like yeah that's what he's playing into but at the same time he's also disagreeing with the clergy that he's pretending are appointed by god like that's the beautiful hypocrisy of this is

0:31:28 Thomas: Well, but they've been corrupted by Joe Biden or something.

0:31:29 Tom: Just but just a minute ago, he was talking about how, you know, we really shouldn't be, you know, second guessing these guys unless we're theology majors. Am I right? Anyway, here's the way these guys who are ostensibly our leaders have all failed. Don't question them. But here are the questions.

0:31:44 Thomas: Well, no, again, he gets to do theology for everybody because that's his lane as a kicker. Yeah, it's his Lane.

0:31:48 Tom: Because of the football. Right? Yeah. It's his

0:31:51 Thomas: You guys don't understand sports. The kicker also is the theologian of the team.

0:31:51 Tom: Lane. See?

0:31:56 Thomas: Oh, shit.

0:31:55 Eli: The theologian of the team

0:31:57 Thomas: Okay. That's the piece you guys are missing.

0:31:58 Tom: I see.

0:31:59 Eli: That explains the my little ponies guy too okay now I get it right

0:32:02 Thomas: I love this idea. Look, if this were a message of, hey, like fucking, I don't know, whatever you call it. I can't keep Keep up with your LARPing terms, priests and fucking bishops and whatever God wizards shit. If his message was, hey, you got to actually treat people better and stick to your actual values that you have. I might buy into it and think it was a good message, except the value is give someone a cracker in a crowded fucking COVID ward.

0:32:29 Eli: To be clear he his his overlying message is that the bishops are being too nice catholic bishops are being to

0:32:37 Thomas: Well, and they're not giving enough crackers and spreading a bunch of disease, you know, like that's really what it is.

0:32:40 Eli: Except

0:32:41 Tom: Well, and they closed the churches down because they were afraid of being sued. That's this other thing he's saying, right? They were afraid of being sued. So when the lockdowns happened, they didn't gather in quantity again in order to tithe and get crackers.

0:32:53 Eli: For that one church which literally sued and won their Supreme Court case to stay open

0:32:56 Thomas: Do they not, have they not heard of the court?

0:32:56 Tom: But it wasn't a Catholic church, was it?

0:32:58 Eli: Yeah it was no there's a catholic church in a temple in New York City

0:32:59 Thomas: Well the court, the court was a Catholic court.

0:33:00 Tom: Was it a Catholic church that did it?

0:33:02 Thomas: I'll tell you our Supreme court is a Catholic court, Tom. So that's, I don't, yeah.

0:33:04 Tom: Well, I know that, yeah. I just didn't remember what church church cat suit that

0:33:06 Eli: Not for long not

0:33:08 Clip: When a bishop of a diocese or the bishop's conference as a whole puts out an important document on this matter or that nobody even takes a moment to read it let alone follow it no today our shepherds are far more concerned with keeping the doors open to the chancery than they are with saying the difficult stuff out loud It seems that the only time you hear from your bishops is when it's time for the annual appeal, whereas we need our bishops to be vocal about the teachings of the church, setting

0:33:17 Eli: Even me got him no never

0:33:17 Thomas: Shitty writing. God, I know. When does he get to anything intelligible? Is that later? Yeah, the pledge drive.

0:33:33 Tom: Is the problem with this is like a lot of this isn't really like apropos to our show until later there's

0:33:36 Thomas: Matrion. Yeah. Is it later? Should we skip? Is it, is there a place we could skip to, uh,

0:33:41 Clip: Focusing on my vocation while praying and fasting for these men will do more for the church than me complaining about her leaders. Because there seems to be so much confusion coming from our leaders, there needs to be concrete examples for people to look to in places like Benedictine, a little Kansas college built high on a bluff above the Missouri River, are showing the world how an ordered, Christ -centered existence is the recipe for success. You need to look no further than the examples all around this campus, where over the past 20 years, enrollment has doubled, construction and revitalization are a constant part of life, and people—the students, the faculty, and staff—are thriving. Thriving.

0:33:50 Thomas: Aren't you complaining about yeah

0:34:12 Eli: Are the real Catholics.

0:34:13 Thomas: What

0:34:22 Eli: Thriving.

0:34:22 Clip: This didn't happen by chance. In a deliberate movement to embrace traditional Catholic values, Benedictine has gone from just another liberal arts school with nothing to set it apart to a thriving beacon of light and a reminder to us all that when you embrace tradition, success, worldly and spiritual, will follow. I am certain the reporters at the AP could not have imagined that their attempt to rebuke and embarrass places and people like those here at benedictine wouldn't be met with anger but instead met with excitement and pride not the deadly sin sort of

0:34:41 Thomas: What

0:34:53 Eli: Yeah. How's that going to go for your speech, my man?

0:34:54 Thomas: What sorry what is he talking about ap yeah translate

0:34:57 Eli: Okay. Okay, so this, the school that he is speaking at, right, a bunch of Catholic universities lately have been like, hey, I know we're run by the Catholic Church and we're all full of Nazi gold and baby rape, but we're cool. Look at this. We hired a lady in a scarf. We must be cool. Right. And Benedictine has been like no, the father and the finger bones of Christ reside in the Almata of Casavara. And so they got a bunch Of bad press for that when they first made that decision. Their enrollment has since gone up because they are one of the few remaining Catholic universities that still is the insane type of school, right, runs on Nazi gold and has the insane values that your sisters so embraced during their collegiate experience.

0:35:28 Thomas: Runs on nazi gold and baby yeah yep I bet

0:35:39 Eli: Experience um they

0:35:39 Thomas: That one's still going strong too.

0:35:40 Eli: Also have gotten into a bunch of trouble with it and what I fucking love is after this speech one of the apologies the university made was being like we're actually trying to go for the scarf lady thing too please don't listen to um harrison we we're I know we're we're bigots but we're we're trying to walk that line a little bit these days so he really blew up our spot got

0:36:03 Clip: At the ap could not have imagined that their attempt to rebuke and embarrass places places and people like those here at Benedictine wouldn't be met with anger, but instead met with excitement and pride. Not the deadly sin sort of pride that has an entire month dedicated to it, but the true God -centered pride

0:36:20 Thomas: Actually not, hold On. That's not the deadly. Does he think the deadly?

0:36:24 Eli: Him oh he means gay pride yeah

0:36:25 Thomas: Yeah, no, I know. But does he think that the deadly sin of pride is fucking someone that is the same? Cause that's not what it is, dude. You know what it is, is a lot of what you're exactly doing here, man. I'm pretty sure if you you actually looked, yeah, yeah.

0:36:26 Tom: Know is gay rights right

0:36:26 Eli: Where you tell other where you speak on behalf of god about how priests and bishops should

0:36:41 Thomas: And you have your fancy fucking Nazi haircut and you, you know, and you're like, Hey, I'm the shining face of telling you everyone else what to do.

0:36:37 Tom: No

0:36:41 Eli: Behave and fucked a bunch of dudes in college and then they tell everybody I hate

0:36:49 Thomas: And like, yeah that's, does he really? Okay. So stupid.

0:36:53 Tom: Who knows

0:36:57 Clip: That is cooperating with the Holy Ghost to glorify Him. Reading that article now shared all over the world, we see that in the complete surrender of self and a turning towards Christ, you will find happiness. Right here in a little town in Kansas, we find many inspiring lay people using their talents.

0:37:15 Eli: How many of these references I get can I say it I feel like a waste I've wasted I'm the guy in fucking silence clinging to my fucking fun fun facts of atheism that I've collected over the last few years fuck you read the bible once and then you peaced out fuck you Thomas, fuck you

0:37:16 Clip: President Minnis, Dr.

0:37:15 Thomas: I know. Yeah, God, I know zero of these zero eli bosnick zero yep I did however I do know a lot of anti -woke controversies so that might be you know do

0:37:35 Eli: I'm stealing Thomas and the Bible, I'm gonna start reading the Bible again on it, by myself

0:37:37 Thomas: It oh dude are you do I still get any revenue from I mean I never did but like if you if you monetize do it yeah are you kidding me that would make a billion dollars

0:37:43 Tom: We'll double it it's

0:37:45 Eli: Bible

0:37:48 Clip: Zimmer are a few great examples right here on this very campus that will keep the light of Christ burning bright for generations to come. Being locked in with your vocation and staying in your lane is going to be the surest way for you to find true happiness and peace in this life.

0:37:48 Eli: With auto ads just

0:37:50 Thomas: Just auto ads you

0:37:59 Eli: Keep saying it just keep sayin' it

0:38:00 Thomas: Keep saying it are you about to kick

0:38:00 Tom: A stay in your lane god

0:38:03 Clip: It is essential that we focus on our own state in

0:38:03 Thomas: A ball are you above are you holding a ball right now dude are you holding a football you're gonna drop the gown and you got your little uniform on what are you talking about that

0:38:12 Tom: That would be the greatest commencement address ever though if he just like if he literally was like

0:38:14 Thomas: Would be yeah he's

0:38:15 Eli: A guy just if he just ran up, kicked a football through a field goal and was like, what the fuck would I possibly have to say that would interest you

0:38:16 Thomas: Like yeah stay in your lane bam nailed the field

0:38:24 Eli: My favorite commencement speech speech.

0:38:26 Thomas: 100 what the fuck or

0:38:27 Clip: Life, whether that be as a layperson, a priest, or religious.

0:38:31 Thomas: A god king like me

0:38:32 Clip: Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2024, you are sitting at the edge of the rest of your lives. Each of you has the potential to leave a legacy that transcends yourselves and this era of human existence. In the small ways, by living out your vocation, you will ensure that God's church continues and the world is enlightened by your example. For the ladies present today, congratulations

0:38:39 Tom: That's a terrible line oh my god here we go did

0:38:54 Thomas: Here we go

0:38:54 Clip: On an amazing accomplishment you should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you the women who have had the most diabolical lies told to you how many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world but I would venture to guess that the majority of you most excited about your marriage and the the children you will bring into this world. I

0:38:54 Thomas: Here we go now fucking make us a sandwich what

0:39:05 Tom: You read ahead thomas and

0:39:15 Thomas: Yeah

0:39:26 Tom: There we go

0:39:26 Clip: Can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabel, would be the first

0:39:26 Tom: And there мы go thomas that is right there that is it that is right there the complete

0:39:31 Eli: Maybe it's out of context. Maybe it's at a con day.

0:39:33 Thomas: Should we keep is there more should we keep going yeah fuck's

0:39:36 Eli: There's more.

0:39:36 Clip: To say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.

0:39:43 Eli: That's when life begins.

0:39:44 Clip: I'm on this stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocations. I'm beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible school, because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all, homemaker.

0:39:44 Thomas: Sake but I can be out here in everyone else's lane in the world didn't care that I fucked those cheerleaders jesus

0:40:14 Eli: Okay I know he's they clap for like 20 seconds now. I know that he's supposed to be crying because he's so choked up at the amazing sacrifice his wife made but in the context that he's gay he's like I love so much that she would convert to my vein become my my wife and then we would have sex and then we had

0:40:15 Thomas: Christ yeah

0:40:33 Tom: She'll

0:40:34 Thomas: Oh don't make me do it again don't makes me do it again oh so

0:40:36 Eli: We had sex oh we had sex so many times she just wouldn't get pregnant

0:40:42 Thomas: Much harder to make a baby than you think oh god I thought it'd be one

0:40:48 Eli: But surely Thomas she's not just a homemaker is she also an educator you

0:40:51 Thomas: Yeah well let's see we gotta clap for four hours so

0:40:56 Eli: Gotta clap for four hours imagine being a woman who claps for that imagine the fucking Borg would be like, relax.

0:41:08 Thomas: God so gross wow

0:41:12 Clip: She's the primary educator to our children. She is the one who ensures I never let football or my business become a distraction from that of a husband and father. She is the person that knows me best at my core, and it is through our marriage that, Lord willing, we will both attain salvation. I

0:41:15 Thomas: Business what

0:41:28 Eli: This is like, it's like you ever go to a wedding and one of them's really bad at vows and you have to pretend they're not. That's what this is a commencement speech version of.

0:41:38 Clip: Much happier someone can be when they disregard the outside noise and move closer and closer to God's will in their life. Isabelle's dream of having a career might not have come true, but if you asked her today if she has any regrets on her decision, she would laugh out loud without hesitation and say, heck no.

0:41:53 Thomas: Also I would.

0:41:57 Eli: I'll tell you what she would say. Trust me.

0:42:00 Tom: Say whatever I tell her to say right

0:42:01 Thomas: She will say in a voice that sounds kind of like mine, but falsetto, while my hand is behind in her.

0:42:04 Eli: But like a little puppet.

0:42:09 Thomas: Oh, God, it's so disgusting.

0:42:09 Eli: All right. That'S the best part of it. Everything else is, is just a kind of him being and like jesus is great so

0:42:15 Thomas: Fucking six more minutes of that. But, yeah, that I mean, no, that's pretty much what he said. I don't know. What's the what's the counter backlash?

0:42:22 Eli: Now that you have the context and

0:42:24 Thomas: Yeah. A disgusting, disgusting way to be. I'm sorry. This, this is imagine being that guy's wife.

0:42:31 Eli: Then having to go into the media and be like yeah that's what I think sure love it right

0:42:38 Thomas: And let's be honest. Maybe she does, you know, they, they like, I don't fucking know, man. Like there there's, it's like when you look at abortion and more women are anti -abortion than men or whatever it used to be that way. I don't know if that's still that way, but it's like okay I guess I'll I guess I'll pretend you you you believe this because you say you do but like come on man it's so gross how

0:42:53 Tom: I don't think that's still the case well as I think one thing that he was right about which is which is actually important is that women have are the ones that have been told the most diabolical lies he's just wrong about what the lies are and who's the one that's been telling him like he's that's a real important distinction right

0:43:11 Eli: You've been told the most diabolical lies here comes some more right

0:43:16 Tom: Exactly and here is an outline of what those lies actually are it I I think it's like one thing that is worth noting is like the ideas that like defined what we think of as like traditionalist roles between men and women in america are not These are not ancient roles of men and women. These are roles that existed for a relatively short period of time. That thing we think of as traditionalism about a woman's place in the workforce or outside of the workforce. For a very, very long time, women did work outside the home. And then for a very short period, it was economically possible for some women to not work outside of the home. And we've taken that like small slice of time and we've decided that that was everything. And that was all of, right, right.

0:44:07 Eli: That christ was picturing it when he preached from the mountain you

0:44:11 Tom: That, that somehow like this, like tiny slice of like chronological Americana was like the only right thing America ever did. And we're all just going to, everything we're going to do is going to be aimed at pigeonholing women back into this horrible role of no choice is the only choice and I don't understand how you sit stand in front of people who just spent four years getting an education and your message to those women is essentially you just wasted

0:44:08 Thomas: It really

0:44:42 Eli: Wasted

0:44:42 Tom: That time how stupid do you feel

0:44:43 Thomas: Is it really is man

0:44:42 Eli: Your time could have been doing pilates keeping it tight yeah

0:44:46 Tom: Holy

0:44:48 Thomas: It is it's depressing is really present and it's also here's the thing though that I think maybe this guy I know this fucking idiot it doesn't get. The economy has made that impossible anyway. Like this message isn't going to work except for the fucking, no, the elite who can fucking get a job good enough to support a family on it. Okay, sure. They can be like, yeah, that makes sense. I'll do the man work stuff and you'd stay at home. No one else. Most people cannot even fucking, you have to have three jobs between the two of you to even maybe think about buying a house. You can't do that out anymore it makes no sense

0:44:48 Tom: Fuck yeah Yeah. Well, yeah. But but

0:45:01 Eli: So if you think about it capitalism is pretty feminist she's

0:45:25 Tom: The new message here, here's the thing, Thomas, is that you're being too fair because that's actually not the real message. The real message that's being told to women now isn't that they should be a homemaker only because the real massage in society is women are supposed to work and be the homemaker. Homemaker so you have to be the homemaker and you have to support everything your husband is supposed to do and you have to like lift him up and all of his decisions and because he says like hey I couldn't have been successful if my wife didn't do all of this other stuff and like hey I'll give him that right like Lucy in this but the but the the real pernicious thing is that the actuality of the economic message plus this messaging means that women will take home or take away, hey, the most important thing I do is to be a homemaker. I will embrace the entirety of that role and the economic reality that I also have to do all the work outside the house that he has to do. And that's really like where women get fucking double shafted, right? Because it's one thing to be homemaker if you choose to be be a homemaker

0:45:57 Thomas: Was holding the football for me she put her a little yeah

0:46:02 Eli: The lucy to my charlie brown not

0:46:35 Tom: In an economic reality in an economic reality that makes that possible as your only job and as long as it's a choice but it's entirely another thing to have to wake up go and work a full -time fucking job and also carry around this Catholic guilt that if you don't do all the homemaker work you haven't fulfilled your godly vocation oh

0:46:35 Eli: If they're catholic they don't 18

0:46:57 Thomas: I but here's here's my only counter to that is I think he's privileged enough that he thinks you can just do the one job thing because he think about he makes a billion dollars people at this like fucking bullshit elite white place probably end up getting jobs that would support support a family with one job so I I don't know I I think it yeah good

0:47:15 Tom: I think that's what he's saying but I'm saying like the problem to take away for women as they you know because they're clapping for a lot of people are clapping for it they're indoctrinated into it they went to a benedictine college for a reason so they're walking away from this thinking like yes my vocation or at least a part of my vocution is to fully embrace the entirety of this workload called homemaker but then they'll also that will also coincide with the economic reality that they also are going to have to work full -time so he's like he's proposing that they embrace something that they will embrace and also have to embrace working at the same time Yeah.

0:47:23 Eli: Seconds they're clapping for it setting them up for failure yeah

0:47:50 Tom: So, yeah, essentially creating the worst possible life imaginable.

0:47:49 Thomas: It really is

0:47:51 Eli: That's actually the last line of the speech I know we didn't get to it but as I I wish you all the worst possible life imaginable and then he tripped forward onto a man's cock uh it was a moving all right gentlemen before we go my dating a girl called rosemary but honestly I don't know what he sees in her they

0:47:59 Thomas: The worst possible life imaginable yeah

0:48:26 Tom: So I have a quick graduation related story. And that is that our family attended graduation ceremony this last weekend for Donovan. It

0:48:28 Thomas: How

0:48:35 Eli: Let him graduate even though he answered all c's on the sat that's crazy did

0:48:37 Thomas: Was your their commencement do you tell yeah did somebody tell the all the girls to

0:48:41 Eli: Anyone tell him the purpose of his life the

0:48:43 Tom: That can we just take a minute and appreciate how awful and pointless and shitty commencement ceremonies are like

0:48:50 Eli: Worst the worst first a

0:48:50 Thomas: They really are take forever too

0:48:52 Tom: I I've got to tell you guys the whole the whole story is so like we've got a take it was kind of funny so we gave Donovan a car right so his graduation present was a car and I gave him yeah I gave him my old car or actually Hayley's old car

0:49:02 Eli: Car a

0:49:05 Thomas: Hey guess guess what guess what mine was you guys want to guess what I my graduation present was Literally nothing.

0:49:09 Eli: New snake

0:49:08 Tom: Car I didn't get a graduation present either thomas yeah I did I also didn't get a graduate present I'm right there with you bye brother but like he needs a car to go to college next year so this is a good time to give him a car he doesn't have money saved up he's got to go to college so it's like okay we're going to give him for his graduation present uh hayley's old car I'll buy hayley a car in a couple of months to replace it so we're getting ready to go and you know his grandma's in town so hayley mom's staying with us and I've got the family everybody but Eamon Eamon was off at a birthday party for little kids which is great by the way because sitting through this commencement would have been horrible for a nine-year

0:49:10 Eli: Killing fork uh

0:49:15 Thomas: Just snake killing fork. God,

0:49:42 Tom: Old and so like we're all and I'm like oh shoot hey man we're gonna have to take two cars so I grabbed the key and I'm like Donovan I guess you'll have to take yours and I flip him the key and he just was like staring at me he's like wait what and I'm like go to the garage he's like why what and I'm like go in the garage there's a bow on the car and everything thing.

0:49:42 Thomas: It's the worst. Wow.

0:49:59 Eli: We did we did that for my sister um couple of years ago we gave her our old car for graduation I'm

0:50:05 Tom: So it's super fun. It's expensive gift I've ever given anyone. I've never given anyone a gift that has that much value to it. So, it was actually really fun to do.

0:50:15 Eli: Just saying I think I've been in your life longer than donovan has so I'd like you to up your christmas game substantially boo

0:50:19 Thomas: Where's my car?

0:50:21 Tom: So, So we drive to this thing. They have the commencement at a local college, but when I say local it's 40 miles west of me so they have it well thank god it's west so west of me is is is it's

0:50:35 Thomas: Well, no, you're driving west, so you're just corn. It's

0:50:32 Eli: And that's in fucking fucking chicago traffic too oh okay you're driving west all right cream yeah

0:50:38 Thomas: Just 40 corn miles of corn.

0:50:38 Tom: Thomas you couldn't be more right

0:50:41 Thomas: So weird.

0:50:41 Tom: Like if you leave my house and go west one foot it's corn for the rest of america and so this is the middle of nowhere in a town called yeah it's northern illinois university it's it is it is you guys aren't even wrong you're not even wrong like Like, you can major in corn.

0:50:47 Thomas: Corn College of Illinois. Yeah, exactly. Sentient corn gave the

0:50:51 Eli: Everything's a corn maze getting to class takes fucking forever what

0:50:59 Thomas: Commencement address

0:51:01 Eli: Are you majoring in corn I'm majoring in corn too yeah okay just checking they

0:51:04 Tom: Like, yes. Everybody's majoring. Everybody at least minors in corn at Northern Illinois University.

0:51:06 Eli: Have a great daycare program though it's called children of the corn stupid yeah

0:51:10 Thomas: Holy

0:51:13 Tom: Well, we get there, and we get separated because GPS gives each of us two different sets of directions. So we get separate. We're in the parking lot. There's thousands of people because this graduating class has 707 kids. So everybody brings, let's say, five to seven family members, and you're looking at, like, 4,000 or 5,000 people. Right. Like packed into this huge auditorium.

0:51:29 Thomas: Fucking shit who has five to seven family members what kind of weird shit

0:51:36 Eli: I okay I I rarely land on the smithian side of things but when people are like super excited for a high school graduation I'm like last one you're gonna go to huh not really counting on another one of these in four years I get it I get it your kids eyes are pretty far apart

0:51:52 Thomas: Stupid

0:51:51 Tom: Well, we had six people. So we get there and I've got so we're separated now and like we're running a little bit late because traffic was horrible. And I've Got his gown and his little sash thing. Right. Like it's like a white sash thing what and like we finally like we're like texting where you're gonna meet are gonna be an entrance to of this huge auditorium and so we get to entrance to and I'm like all right here's your cap and gown I hand it to him he looks at it and like the sash thing because this crazy wind is like 20 mile an hour winds the wind had evidently blown the sash off the hangar and so it's just not there and everybody else has this fucking sash thing so I stop and I'm like fuck like he can't go in like he's got his gown his cap he has to have this sack be the only kid without the fucking white sash thing so I was like fuck and we're late so I just start sprinting through this huge parking lot like as fast as I can run I'm running up and down the aisles looking for on the ground some sash

0:52:07 Eli: Hey okay you drive it over on your little bike

0:52:36 Thomas: What I would have told you too

0:53:03 Eli: Hey, uh, if that guy reaches into his pocket, just duck, okay, hon? The

0:53:07 Tom: You're you're only partially wrong because I am fucking trucking and I'm a big guy who's moving so like people are like dodging out of the way and I am weaving around people I am looking for this fucking thing I've

0:53:17 Eli: Asian guy from the airport finally gets a - My first time out of the house since being so grievously injured in that airport, but I'm here for my - I swear to God, that was the same guy! No! No! Fuck you, Carol! That was the SAME FUCKING GUY!

0:53:19 Tom: He pops since landing back on earth so I I run I'm just fucking full -on sprinting and I'm like going up and down these aisles and I find the sash thing like it blown against the car and I grab it and I am like shaking it out so it is not all filthy and then I start running just as fast back and I get it over to him but by now like Like I've run, I've ran for five or six minutes, like as fast as I can run, like hard, like to try to find this thing. And I'm wearing boat shoes without socks.

0:54:05 Tom: So I have now abraded the skin off the side of my foot completely, just completely canvas shoes. They're just like, cause, but I didn't even feel it in the moment. Cause I'm like, fuck, I got to get this kid his thing. So now I walk in and I'm fucking limping in because I'm bleeding off the site of my foot.

0:54:19 Thomas: So I was like, here, take the apply some corn husk to it quick. I

0:54:23 Tom: So it's like it the whole thing is so fucking stressful it's so fucking stressful we get into the thing we find seats and we have to find seats where we can fit six people because it's like me and hayley and her mom and aislinn and finn and myself right so we got like we've got six people gotta find six seats we find our six seats we're in the nosebleed section of this huge auditorium and even see harrison bucker you can't see anything actually they didn't do it they didn'T even allow people to bring in their own water or purses like they were like crazy strict yeah so then the commencement starts and my guys it is the most boring thing that has ever happened in all the history of time nothing more boring can possibly happen you wait for your kid's name to be called you yell they give speeches you can barely hear that don't matter that everybody's forgotten even the people even the people give the speech forget it the

0:54:43 Thomas: Barely see Harrison Butker.

0:54:48 Eli: Did you bring an air horn? Got him fucking got him it

0:54:53 Thomas: Good. I hate all that shit. Yeah, it's a commencement. You You already said that. Yeah.

0:55:05 Eli: Sucks

0:55:18 Thomas: Yeah.

0:55:18 Tom: Band plays songs that are bad

0:55:19 Thomas: Like, here are the following 47 analogies and tortured metaphors. Yeah. Platitudes that I found on the internet.

0:55:26 Tom: Terrible terrible

0:55:24 Eli: Platitudes yeah I do like I do like a bad valedictorian speech though right just some fucking 70 you're hot you've been there for three and a half hours and a 17 year old who cheated at math is like there are many things I've learned from my time at hoika boink high school one never stop oh my god I'll kill you I'll choke you to death with my bare hands if it means I get out of here 13 seconds faster.

0:55:54 Tom: So but like I don't care personally right because I can just find a space in my head zone into it and like kind of close my mental eyes and go to sleep like yeah I have I do with my eyes open

0:56:04 Eli: Tom, it's called falling asleep. You fall asleep. I've been there while you fall asleep, Tom.

0:56:09 Tom: Hayley sitting Seating next to me is losing her, Haley and Aislinn, fucking the queens of ADHD are absolutely losing their fucking minds. 40 minutes into this thing, they are dying. They are absolutely dying. They cannot be quiet. They cannot stop moving. They are in absolute misery hell. The whole thing goes on for like two hours, give or take. And then, then they just let everybody go. There is no plan on how to find your kid and meet up with your kid they've just dismissed 3 ,500 family members and 700 kids so now everybody is just milling around outside looking for their kid and

0:56:20 Eli: Oh, they must have started two podcasts. Yeah.

0:56:43 Thomas: Oh, my God. Why

0:56:54 Eli: Yeah.

0:56:56 Thomas: Does no one do their job well in the world?

0:56:58 Tom: Astonishingly awful it is astonishingly awful and then after all of that we finally we find Donovan we get everybody together other hayley and I get separated again in the crowd in the in the throng of things we have to meet at the car and then we all go out as a family with hayley's ex and his girlfriend and we have dinner together as a familia like all of us and that is commencement or graduation day for the curry household and I am so fucking happy it's over it's

0:56:58 Thomas: Does anyone know?

0:57:00 Eli: Not Catholic enough.

0:57:30 Thomas: Yikes. I'm kidding.

0:57:30 Tom: The fucking worst and I've got to do the whole thing over again next year with finn well

0:57:36 Eli: Can I say, Tom, I think your gift kind of overshadowed Haley's ex getting him that case of four locos he still had in the garage. I think that was really nice of him him to save those for donovan and I think it's not nice that you yeah

0:57:48 Tom: Let's just say that the value of our gifts was quite disparate so

0:57:52 Eli: Do you want to wear my grill for a second not for keeps all

0:58:04 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

0:58:44 Tom: Male buttholes at least yeah

0:58:46 Thomas: Just see blue I see d and I'm like I gotta vote I gotta go for drink oh