DOD113: A Hallmark Holiday

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Tom: Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's got to get out more. I'm Curry, I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:38 Thomas: We tell a lot of harsh truths on this show, Tom, but it's never easy when it's pointed at yourself, right? Back

0:00:43 Tom: This one's

0:00:43 Eli: Yeah, it's always one finger forward and three fingers back.

0:00:44 Tom: Right back at me too, buddy.

0:00:45 Thomas: At me. I've Gone several days where I'm like, I don't go outside because I'm too busy. This is not healthy. This sucks.

0:00:54 Tom: Oh Yeah, that's work from home culture. There's days and days and days where I'm just like, at least in my new place, my office isn't in the basement. Basement because in my old place, I would wake up and like go to the basement and just sit in the basement, I'd be like, this is not the life I dreamed of for myself. This is not what I want.

0:00:54 Thomas: Yeah.

0:01:10 Thomas: It's not It's

0:01:12 Eli: That's the not the life you dreamed of for yourself? You shock yourself awake. I feel like a fucking crazy person.

0:01:13 Thomas: He's like I should be upstairs shocking my balls

0:01:19 Tom: I got

0:01:19 Thomas: Yeah.

0:01:20 Eli: Know we need to move on from Tom's crazy, but that's the one that stays with me that I refuse.

0:01:25 Tom: You're just never gonna let that go, so occasionally you need to get electroshocked awake. I mean, I think like this is, this is normal.

0:01:27 Eli: I just can't.

0:01:32 Thomas: It really feels medieval in a way. Well, well, that too, I'm not even talking about that, but the locking ourselves, it reminds me of like the finale of Breaking Bad or whatever, when, when the other guys, it's just like a prisoner making meth basically, does it feel like that I'm, I'm just locked away, cranking out podcast meth and other stuff that's not as fun as that. I'm like, cool.

0:01:32 Tom: Yes. Yep. Yep.

0:01:55 Thomas: That's my life right now. Someday.

0:01:58 Tom: I would like it before, at my old place, when I didn't have windows or anything, because I was just in the basement. If, if it was a day that wasn't like real windy, I'd be able to go outside and take phone calls walking around outside. But if it, it was windy, it fucking wails into your microphone. It makes it impossible to even take a call outside. So I just kind of like look up at like the, you know, the basement window and the shaft of sort of dusky light that's coming through and be like, man, I'm down here for the next 10 fucking hours.

0:02:22 Thomas: Yeah.

0:02:22 Tom: This sucks.

0:02:23 Thomas: You know, the oubliette like thing, the bars that you can peek through. That's Tom probably.

0:02:27 Tom: It was grim. It was fucking grim. So yeah, The work at home life has some big advantages, but you know that I'm right there with you there. There are days where I'm like, I don't think I've started the car this week. I don't think I've driven anywhere this week since last Thursday, so.

0:02:41 Eli: Damn, I never thought I would get to be the sunshiny one. Like, at least I'm too busy, but I get to go places to be too busy. I'm over here being too busy over

0:02:44 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Eli, can you teach us how to have better mental health, Tom and I, this episode?

0:02:53 Eli: For real, Jesus, the fall of Dear Old Dads. Everybody, here we are, scraping the bottom of the barrel of Eli's mental health advice. Yeah, gentlemen, do you know the only thing worse than living in the truly self-imposed hells that it appears that you guys both live in? It's the auto ads, the self-imposed hell of our podcast audience. That's right, podcast listener, why are you shocking the balls of your listening experience when you could be enjoying the shock-free and interruption-free version of our show over at Patreon.com/DearOldDads, where for a little as a dollar you'll get a commercial-free version of every single podcast and a little extended parenting story at the end of the show. Um, might, and I don't know if this is true, I might have a little spicy story for the patrons because I think I can trust you patrons with my spicy story, uh, the end OF THIS SHOW. So

0:03:00 Tom: All

0:03:48 Thomas: Cannot

0:03:48 Eli: Check it out patreon .com forward slash dear Dear Old Dads.

0:03:49 Tom: I am excited for this, actually.

0:03:49 Thomas: Wait can we skip to that somehow do we put forward yeah skip forward 60 minutes or whatever it is, 40 minutes it's not working the buttons okay, well then you better go to patreon.com/dearolddads

0:03:54 Eli: No.

0:03:55 Tom: Let's just record this asynchronously like let's go yeah just hit the fast forward button on our own recording let's not yeah all right all right

0:04:06 Eli: It's Dear Old Dads, give us your money. Exactly.

0:04:09 Tom: So this episode is coming out before or after Valentine's Day, Thomas, I need to know before I

0:04:12 Thomas: Gun to my head. Okay, here

0:04:14 Eli: Yeah, I was going to say, hopefully.

0:04:16 Thomas: Is the part that is unknown about that, Tom. It is not when I'm going to put this out. That I know perfectly clear. It's the other part of the equation. This will go out on Tuesday night. And whether or not that's before or after Valentine's Day, I could never tell you in a million fucking years.

0:04:19 Tom: Okay I guess you don't know what Valentine's is well Thomas, let me, let me fill you in, buddy Valentine's is the 14th, that's coming up on Wednesday. So I'll have to be, I'll be careful not to

0:04:33 Thomas: No idea. Nope. No clue. Okay. Okay, yeah. Hey, happy Valentine's day, everybody. Buddy, that's like right when this is coming out, okay? Oh shush not at all, what happens sometimes the bonus ones are a little loose because they're bonus shush this

0:04:45 Eli: Maybe, maybe, it depends. Maybe Thomas doesn't push a button. Maybe you're hearing this Wednesday afternoon.

0:04:53 Tom: So

0:04:56 Eli: Oh, there it is. It's the bonuses now. We're your only show. I don't know why you're not just doing it. It's so simple. Just this one show to release. Hey, speaking of just this one show to release, before we get in, Thomas, I feel like we should mention this again, you are back on opening arguments just

0:05:01 Thomas: Guy yes oh thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, it's, it's going so well, I really appreciate the mention, working hard over there, don't worry, it's not going to take away from the schedule of this, the show. I promise you. Feeling really organized. And obviously I could never be doing any of this if Lydia weren't working full time for me. Then I would just be like, I'm dead. I can't do it. Tom, Tom, give me the ball shocker. That'd be the only reason. Ball shocker, 10,000.

0:05:32 Tom: Here we Go.

0:05:34 Thomas: But it is going so well over there. Having not just one, but like two lawyers with criminal experience, like both on defense and prosecution. It is a a really unique thing that I don't, I think any other shows have that I've heard of. I'm sure there's a million shows, but it seems really unique. It's It's a really successful and cool relaunch. So thank you so much, Eli, for mentioning that. Yeah. Go check out opening arguments, everybody.

0:05:34 Eli: 24 7 ball shucks, yeah and can I say, as a listener, because I was excited to start listening again, uh, if you have been jonesing for that, what's the truth behind this headline feeling, uh, OA is so fantastic and given us, uh, out the most, or most recent episode, for the paying ones, like me, I don't know if you non-paying peons have gotten it yet, but the episode about, um, big a deal it is, that the Trump prosecutors were fucking each other, uh is a, that's a really fun one, and I gotta tell you, Matt and and Casey are just, they're funny and they're great and they, they things really well, like if you, like I have been jonesing for for that love and feeling. Go on over, give away a try. I'm excited it's back. It makes me happy. It

0:06:20 Tom: Yeah Genuinely, this has been a great reboot. Like a really phenomenal reboot boot, it's a better show by far than it was before, I really believe that I

0:06:39 Eli: Yeah.

0:06:40 Thomas: No, thank you guys. And Tom, you recently just won talking ship from in a major lawsuit, right, right back at you, buddy

0:06:50 Tom: Talking

0:06:53 Eli: Yeah, it's weird. He kicked Hayley off the air and it's Tom and me now.

0:06:54 Tom: Ship is

0:06:57 Thomas: Yeah, for those of you who didn't like the Hayley era of talking

0:07:01 Eli: Oh, God. And I think we can all agree that the Hayley era was the worst era of Talking Ship, right?

0:07:02 Tom: It's all we can all agree that without Hayley there is no era of talking ship, that's, that is that is very much her project

0:07:11 Eli: Disagree. Disagee.

0:07:14 Thomas: Eli's already going to be murdered by Hayley at some point, we've covered, covered this, I think he's just going all in like, yeah

0:07:15 Tom: Oh

0:07:18 Eli: Time I physically see Hayley, I will die. So at this point, I'm free. You know, it's a freedom more than anything.

0:07:24 Thomas: It's it's immunity practically Practically. Yeah.

0:07:22 Tom: Yeah, yeah she she is 100, gonna break you in half and I mean, I I would intervene but I'm not gonna intervene that's true, yeah, that's true

0:07:31 Thomas: We told the patrons we'd film it. So, yeah.

0:07:29 Eli: She is going to break me in half. Going to have to wear Aislinn as some kind of midsection restoring belt. But even then, the damage she'll do at opposite ends is probably enough to do it.

0:07:37 Tom: But yeah thanks for the mention, Talking Ship is, uh, it's, it's been a really fun project. We're bonus. We're reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, which is so much worse and so much more problematic than you could possibly imagine. It's been a blast. It's Been a Lot of Fun. So thank you. Yeah.

0:07:48 Thomas: Oh, no way. That's awesome. That is awesome.

0:07:56 Eli: Yeah. I make podcasts. They're good. You pieces of shit. You fucking pieces of sh - How dare you, how dare you, forget about my podcasts and all their glory?

0:07:59 Thomas: Oh, Eli, you podcast her.

0:08:02 Tom: Did you want to... We should get you a mic.

0:08:11 Tom: All right, so this episode is going to come out before Valentine's Day, very probably. So now I have to be careful not to mention any of the stuff that I have planned because Haley does listen to this show. So I'm gonna have to Be careful, but I

0:08:22 Eli: Yeah.

0:08:23 Thomas: Well, it'll be your time. It'll be literally like midnight of the night of, you know what I mean? So, like, you might be good. Oh. She stays up. That right now.

0:08:28 Tom: Yeah. But Haley doesn't sleep. No, Haley never sleeps.

0:08:31 Thomas: Sorry, Haley.

0:08:31 Tom: She's never been asleep in her entire life. I don't think so. Yeah. I've never seen that woman sleep. It's never like three in the morning. I'll be like, I have To go to sleep. She'd be like Yeah, it's fine. I'm staying up like, all right. I don't understand how that's possible.

0:08:32 Thomas: Yeah, Yeah.

0:08:43 Eli: Tom met one of the vampires from Blade and it's just had the heart to break it to him. Like, I honestly, that nightclub was really just for feasting on people, but you just kept bringing flowers. You gotta get out in the sunlight, buddy.

0:08:57 Tom: Yeah. Right, it's Just like

0:08:51 Thomas: And by the way, even she's like, Tom, you got to get out in the sunlight more, man. I mean, like, I'm pretty sure if I started like dating a vampire, they would be like, oh, God, well, go out a little bit. Like even even I can like kind of, you wear a hat and get out there.

0:09:07 Eli: Ride

0:09:09 Tom: Well, I would say it's better, it's better now in the new house than it was in the old. I'm actually able to get out, but yeah, so a, I, I, we did want to ask you guys, what are your plans if any like

0:09:16 Eli: Your your bicycle, like a child, like a little boy like a a little lad in your short shorts, you ride your bike around town, do you get a big ice cream cone and then come back, you fucking idiot. Hey, I'm so sorry, I don't know why that tone was. How I decided to do my bike, I donno, man.

0:09:20 Tom: A child okay, around town. What is happening. Right now, Eli Bosnick, do you Now we both have to rip you in half when we see you, like we're, like I'm just gonna, like, I'll tear the other pieces and in pieces are

0:09:37 Eli: I think the the knowledge of my upcoming death.

0:09:38 Thomas: Yeah. Eli, We put a paper clip in your ear, can we hard reset you or something? We gotta, yeah, yeah.

0:09:47 Tom: You Got, got little spice in you today, I don't know what the story's gonna be, but you've got a

0:09:50 Eli: Put something in my ear, it'll reset me. Go.

0:09:55 Tom: Right, so do you guys have plans? Do you celebrate Valentine's Day? I guess that's my, my first question. Do you guys do Valentine's Day as a rule? I don't think Thomas, that you do no, Valentine's Day.

0:10:05 Eli: Thomas, Thomas, tell everyone at home.

0:10:10 Tom: So there's... there's two, like, there's big schools of thought on this that I think are interesting, and I think it divides about 70, 30, for people that do, and this is made up numbers, but just from what I've seen, about 7030 for people to do Valentin's, and other people are like, I don't do those, like, Hallmark holiday type things. Is that kind of the objection rejection on your side or.

0:10:03 Thomas: Do I need to answer. Okay, Okay. No, I don't do anything.

0:10:10 Eli: Would is crazy to me, that's argument, I want to talk about that argument for just a second, because the will Harmark just made that up to sell chop, yeah, and the fucking Council of Nicaea made up Christmas so that their god king could take over southern Europe. Like, what the fuck are your priorities, my, my God. Like, yeah, that one's a slightly more recent mythos created by a white supremacist corporation. I don't understand why you're drawing the line here at Hallmark and not Constantinople. You know what I'm saying?

0:10:30 Tom: Yeah. Yeah, I I don't understand that argument either. I've got thoughts on that argument, but I I do know I've seen it all the time. Like I see. We don't we don't celebrate those like sort of like, I don't know, tangential or like second tier holidays. I don't even know like how that is thought of, but I'm curious I'm because you do do Christmas with with family. Right, Thomas?

0:11:15 Tom: I mean, I know you do that and you do birthdays.

0:11:15 Thomas: Of course. And I'm just realizing, and again, this is so me, I'm realizing shit. I actually do have to care about Valentine's day again. Cause of the kids. I forgot about that. So I Valentine's Day to me is for the kids, I know this may sound weird, but and This is, this has probably weird, but one, I've said it before. Before anything nice or fun or like warm that I had in my childhood was my mom putting in massive effort after doing all the work, making all the money and doing all housework and doing making dinner and all that stuff. Anything I had. And I just remember that every Valentine's Day, she would make us like heart pancakes and put the, you know, like the chocolate chips in them. And then she'd give us a little Valentine bag, you Know, that had some stuff. Yeah. And so I was like, oh, that's the best. I'm doing that. Like I'm, I, every Valentine's day I will find, I'm so glad that we did this podcast because I might've forgotten, but now I'm not going to, I have to, yeah, yeah.

0:11:30 Eli: Yeah.

0:11:57 Tom: That's adorable.

0:12:10 Tom: Well, it's Wednesday. Let me just remind you, it is on Wednesday is

0:12:12 Thomas: So I have another day.

0:12:13 Tom: Valentine's.

0:12:13 Thomas: So that means I have time to forget again and not do it. That's good.

0:12:15 Eli: Oh, I'm so sad we're recording two episodes today because I would love the follow-up of, like, okay, so hear me out, right? I noticed that one of the burners on the oven is broken, can't make pancakes while the backyard still has weeds in it

0:12:19 Thomas: Yeah. God, that's too real. That is too real, okay. We need to reset Eli. He's not, he knows too much. This is, I can't have somebody understand me this much. Yeah.

0:12:36 Eli: It's too much. I've got, I've gone into bitchy mentat Oh,

0:12:41 Thomas: Yeah. So I am definitely doing that, don't, yeah, I, it used to be more of the anti-Valentine's Day feeling like, like you were kind of describing for me, Tom. And then now it's more just like, I'm not, I don't care that much, but it's also like kind of down. I don't, you know, what bothers me? I actually caught some of the Super Bowl yesterday, even though I I somehow don't care anymore. It's pretty cool and interesting to not care about football, it's been two years, but anyway I caught some of that, and I, what bothers me so much about it is related back to Valentine's Day and I'll tell you why, do you ever watch, no, the answer is no, crap, you guys don't watch it, do you, did you see any of it? Do do you every want you peripherally

0:13:16 Tom: What of the Super Bowl? No, we go to, we go to IKEA for the Super Bowl, we because there, no one there, sure.

0:13:21 Thomas: That's a great idea well you should at least be familiar with, you know, the fucking overproduced, like, videos that they, they do, where it's like they'll go into, like, player history, he was raised in a small town in Georgia, and they got and they'll do it, and it's the slow music, and it said whatever, and it bothers me to my core because it's so fucking calculated to be like, all right, here's what we do, we need the exact right amount of emotion, we can have a little bit of apparent or tearing up a little bit, and we get, that really hits you hard with the music, but it has to be in the context that's, it's completely corporate and controlled and fucking, it's comfortable for all Americans or whatever. And it just makes my skin crawl because it's so inauthentic, you know. And that's related back to Valentine's Day where I'm like, I don't, it just reminds me too much of that. I don't need, like, oh, the corporation told me to buy you this card, and I'm going to buy.

0:13:24 Tom: Sure oh

0:14:17 Eli: I love it

0:14:18 Thomas: It's like I would do something if it's like more heartfelt. Felt like, you know, if it was something that was completely customized to me that I just plain don't have time for, but I would at least do that.

0:14:18 Eli: Oh

0:14:30 Tom: Well, But I mean, the way that you celebrate Valentine's is entirely, like, you don't have to be like, okay, we do flowers, chocolates, and and dinner, like, you can do, like, just so you know, like, you can't do anything you want, you don't have to do the there's not like a script you've got to follow

0:14:33 Thomas: Yeah.

0:14:34 Eli: To you you could do whatever you want

0:14:43 Thomas: We just do sex stuff? Hold on. Hold on, Lydia, pause the show. Can we?

0:14:47 Tom: Yeah I mean

0:14:48 Eli: Thomas is, he's hacking this together, he's figured out the way

0:14:50 Thomas: Yeah.

0:14:50 Tom: Yeah Valentine's is very often a sexy and romantic holiday, that is, not, like, that's, yes, that answer, Thomas, is yes actually

0:14:57 Eli: Yeah some people do fuck stuff for Valentine's Day I think I think if you're that kind of, well, I mean, let's not get into that kind, a couple, but I think you're at that phase of a relationship, or you're kind of couple, a fuck stuff Valentine's Day is a lot of fun, it's a great way to celebrate yeah

0:14:58 Tom: Yeah yeah it's Valentine's day yeah

0:15:13 Thomas: Okay. Okay, yeah.

0:15:14 Tom: Romantic holiday, so I like, what do you have, like, a, uh, a Valentine's tradition of any kind now I

0:15:17 Thomas: Yeah, what positions do you do?

0:15:19 Eli: Yeah exactly, what are my fuck stuff Vallentines. I also want to point out I love those videos, those intro videos at the Super Bowl, and I will tell you why, I will come back to my, my Valentine's Day plans, I promise, but I will tell you why, because the clay that those videos must be made of are football players and their family, so if you haven't seen these, and I know many of you haven't because you're not sports people, um, like a picture of a farm that some guy grew up on, and Anthony Hopkins voice comes in, and he's like, ever since the spring apples of summer fell

0:15:42 Thomas: Yep every time no no it's always a deep you got the voice right, it's always a deeper voice, voice that's like they were raised on

0:15:49 Eli: Right yeah or or it's Morgan Freeman, right, but I didn't, I didn't want to do a Morgan Freeman voice, so I went ahead with an Anthony Hopkins one I

0:15:53 Thomas: Yeah yeah yeah no do the voice Eli why aren't you doing

0:15:57 Tom: Want you to do a Morgan Freeman voice I feel like you've got to do a Morgan Freeman voice

0:15:59 Thomas: The voice you took you took the easy way out you got to do the real voice

0:16:01 Eli: I do want to do a Morgan Freeman voice, thank you, get the rest of this show is brave, everybody get ready, comes with the bitchy, no, but it's like a, a country beer, it's the beer warner thing, but then, right, because it has to be about the football players and their families, then it cuts to Kyle, who's like, I like Chipotle, totally, and they're like, all right, fuck, Jesus, um, that was us asking him about when his mom died, um, okay, let's cut to his dad, he plays football, okay, you know what, that's the 13 seconds we needed

0:16:04 Tom: I

0:16:26 Thomas: Yeah yeah yeah no

0:16:38 Eli: For this, so I guess we're just gonna go over best

0:16:40 Thomas: What it ends up being is just a one second clip of the parents being like, we're so proud of him, tears, and that's all they probably shot for for four hours and like, yeah.

0:16:48 Eli: Best case scenario you get, we're so proud of him, usually it's some dad being like, okay, Scooter, and you're just like, what the fuck, man, why would you shout? He had to do that for multiple takes. Some PA who wanted to be a filmmaker saw a Scorsese film, did a bunch of acid, and this is what he settled on is like, hey, I'm sorry, when we interview the dad about his son, he keeps going, Scooter, is there anything we can do to kill me here? Can I just go provoke horse until it kicks me in the throat?

0:16:52 Tom: Don't

0:17:17 Thomas: Well, Well, Eli, since you brought it up, I can't, I can't help it. I don't want to get all political, but you know what really bothers me about it is how much we're just paying, just paying these people to ruin their brains and like where abject poverty and ruining their brains. And so it goes, we do these clips where we go to, what did you say?

0:17:31 Eli: Oh, see, I don't care about that. See, I Don't Care About That. It's just a new Coliseum. It's just the lions are head injuries

0:17:37 Tom: Eat

0:17:38 Thomas: Well, but what's also creepy about it. Okay. You remember, Okay, I'm going to make a reference that I can't believe I'm making. Remember the fucking Bow and Arrow girl movies? The fuck is her whatever? Hunger Games. Remember when they do all that media where they go, like, they'll interview? That was one thing that actually kind of did a little bit interestingly, those terrible movies. They

0:17:41 Eli: Okay.

0:17:47 Tom: Hunger games. Hunger games. Yeah just I

0:17:49 Eli: Hunger

0:17:56 Tom: Those movies, I just, I just I'm literally just re-watching them, I re-watched one yesterday with my wife.

0:17:58 Eli: Game movies are great with

0:18:03 Tom: I think Those are good movies.

0:18:01 Thomas: Oh, okay. It's been a hundred years. Maybe I'm wrong about them.

0:18:04 Eli: Your Okay, for a second, I thought you were gonna say, like, just with by yourself, like, Tom was a well, a hard day of shocking my balls, time to watch Burning Fire again opia.

0:18:13 Thomas: Katniss Everdeen. What is her name? Yeah.

0:18:16 Eli: When will you learn to recognize the gifts you have rather than what's right behind you? I'll fucking kill myself, Tom. I'm not living in a world where you casually watch The Hunger Games.

0:18:24 Tom: I would

0:18:26 Thomas: But when they put, they have the weird, like, you know, I like that, that they have the super, it's the dystopian thing of super policed, wealthy media elites go interview. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And they go interview just people from the depths of poverty. And that, is what those segments are. And you notice that the people they happen to be showing who are the unbelievable lotto winners of, of that area where everybody else, you Know, they played football. Then maybe they even got to like, You best college football you got to, but but that doesn't make you any fucking money. So they're still poor. But then they take the one, you anomaly. They put a bunch of makeup on them. They filmed their fucking slow motion farm with a tire swing. And it lets white America be like, yeah, okay, this is fine, right? We're all fine with

0:18:34 Eli: The Tooch, yeah. Stanley Tucci, yeah, all, hey, Thomas, all of America, it's not just white America, we lie to all the levels of America. It is actually, I mean, look, I can't speak to the minority experience, but I will tell you some of that minority experience sure seems condescending. I know there's not a lot of people of color on that production team, and guessing there are some, like, asking grandma to a repeat catchphrase that we would find wildly problematic if we were on that set.

0:19:15 Thomas: This. That's fair. You're right. I got to check myself.

0:19:27 Thomas: Yeah. Oh, God. And the B -roll. Yeah.

0:19:35 Tom: What? I don't even understand the last 10 minutes.

0:19:37 Eli: based—Valentine's Day! Yeah, so,

0:19:36 Thomas: So Valentine's Day, everybody. You brought it up again, Eli. I don't know. I was going to let it go.

0:19:41 Eli: Yeah, celebrate Valentine's Day. We do not—I will say this—we do not go out, although much respect for the troops that do. Getting a reservation on Valentine's Day is such a—night, it's just like restaurant experience plus stress, like A guaranteed stressful restaurant experience, so we planned a date night for yesterday we record on Monday, so, um, when you're listening to this, this would be two days ago. Um, sent the boy over to the babysitter's. He's been having an amazing time hanging out at the babysitter's house, so we Had a date Tonight.

0:19:58 Thomas: Yeah. Okay. How funny would it have been if the babysitter was like, I'm watching the fucking Superbowl, you assholes.

0:20:17 Eli: And watched actually they did, they watched The uh, puppy bowl together, uh, and there was a pug on there that my son kept kept calling Madge, apparently. So they had a great time, but yeah, he uh, was over at the babysitter. So me and Anna had three until, you know, seven, eight o 'clock to do whatever we wanted. And honestly, this was our Valentine's day date. And I asked Anna, I was like, Hey, what are you feeling like? And you know I like to come to Anna and maybe this is just me being a planner. I like come to Ana with a menu whenever it's date night or whenever something's going on. I don't like to do all the planning because that feels a little too like, you where the robot forces you to go. And I don't like to do the like, well, you want to do, because that feels like I didn't

0:20:18 Thomas: Okay. Ah, that's so cute.

0:20:57 Thomas: Yeah.

0:20:57 Eli: Plan anything for date night. So I had a little menu of activities and Anna had had a crazy week the previous week. Story, but she had had a crazy weak the previous week and she just wanted a chill night at home. And so she, we were like just casually talking about like what was exciting her that week. She was talking about how much Fleetwood Mac she'd And podcast listener, if you're not aware, Fleetwood Mac is like podcast drama was a band, right?

0:21:21 Thomas: Oh, yeah. It's like they came up with, as a band, they're like, should we be the most compelling documentary? Oh, and also we'll write Some songs or whatever. But like the point of it is compelling documentary.

0:21:27 Tom: Wait,

0:21:32 Eli: Is the documentary.

0:21:36 Thomas: Yeah, and then come up with something,

0:21:36 Eli: Yes, it is.

0:21:37 Tom: What documentary is this? I know I want to know. What is the documentary?

0:21:38 Thomas: Yeah. Actually. I would want to watch

0:21:40 Eli: Yeah. So the first, The one that I recommend is the BBC one from 2009. Although there are others, there's an American one on Apple TV that is fine. And there's one on Netflix as well. That's okay. But the one that really, like, captures, I think it's just basically interviews with the band itself, as opposed to interviews with people around them, uh, which is why I like the BBC one. But yeah, these people just fucking fucked each other and punched each other and did coke. But the beautiful thing is, unlike your typical Behind the Music, right, where it's like, hey, this guy was a drug addict and he treated people really badly, and then he died, and that's why there's

0:21:40 Thomas: Too. I've probably seen it but Hmm.

0:22:15 Thomas: Yeah,

0:22:15 Eli: No that band anymore. These guys, somehow the single brain cell that they had, not killed with Peruvian marching powder, was like the band must continue. So even though two of them literally do not speak, they're just still fucking working together. They made Tom, I don't know if you're aware of this mythos, so there is a CD called Fleetwood Mac where they basically arbitrated the two simultaneous breakups that were going on in the band in song on the CD, so it'd be like "You're a big piece of shit, go fuck yourself, fuck you, Kyle, you suck." And then he'd be, "I always wanted to love you, but you're such a piece of..." And that, that is a CD, and can I say, it fucking rocks. It

0:22:44 Tom: This is amazing.

0:22:48 Thomas: Now No, couldn't

0:23:02 Tom: Okay,

0:23:03 Eli: Rocks.

0:23:03 Tom: This is, I'm going to see Stevie Nicks in June. Like, I couldn't be more excited to know this right now, actually. Like, this has, yeah,

0:23:03 Eli: Yeah, Yeah,

0:23:07 Thomas: Gun to my head, couldn't have told you who was alive or not, I thought they all died in plane crash or something, but that's awesome. That's that now. This is Valentine's Day content, everybody. This is Valentine's Day, double breakups in the band love.

0:23:13 Tom: This is going to be amazing. Had no idea this existed. I'm finding this out real time. Time.

0:23:19 Eli: I'll Go watch the documentaries, guys, they're great. So I was like, hey, have you seen those documentaries? She was like, no. And so I was like, why don't I, because Anna loves this hot pot pot place near us, and we had sort of tentatively been like, why, why don't we go get some hot pot? And I was like, look, why don't we hot pot it up at home? I will order from our favorite ramen place, and then we can watch this documentary, and I will hang out and I will clean around you in a semicircle while you watch this documentary.

0:23:33 Thomas: It, oh, it's the best oh oh can I come, or holy Jesus

0:23:44 Eli: And that's what we did. We just had a nice little thing. And look, by she won't listen to this until it's already come out. So I can say she doesn't know she's getting a gift because I haven't mentioned it. But a few months ago, she this makeup company she loves had a sale. Uh, and I loved my wife falls for this every time. I love it so much. She will mention it when she sees something she likes, she'd be like, Oh man, this is really cool. Like they're having a sale and be, I I'll just do my like bad word husband from a lifetime movie impersonation. I'll Be like, yeah, whatever, babe, I'm busy watching the punch bowl or whatever the fuck I'm doing. And then I just immediately go and buy it. Right. But I just don't tell her because I pretend I was bored and not paying attention. And every time she she just is like, well, he wasn't paying attention because let's be honest, a lot of the time I'm probably not paying attention, but this time I was. So I bought these makeups that she's really excited about.

0:23:44 Thomas: Christ,

0:24:31 Eli: They were limited edition. And the best part was, I think a few days afterward, she was like, oh, they're all sold out. And I was like yeah, whatever. What, what was sold out? I don't know. It's too bad. I was too busy hitting our kid, I guess. So yeah, I got them and I snuck them into the house and they got delivered. And she was Like, what's that? And I was Like magic.

0:24:44 Tom: I fucking love shit like this.

0:24:48 Eli: She's and just like, okay, I'm bored. I don't care. And then I like snuck them into the kitchen and gift wrapped them and taped them up and everything, so I think she's really gonna like it and

0:24:57 Thomas: Love In the midst of you giving her a great gift, she's like just totally insulting insulting your thing, like magic. No, no. You bring in your magic. She's like, fuck that nerd. That shit sucks.

0:25:00 Eli: Filing for dessert divorce yeah yeah well that

0:25:06 Thomas: And you're like, little, do you know, it's a very nice gift for you. I was going to give you.

0:25:06 Eli: Too yeah well I mean look if if as many packages full of magic got delivered to your house as get delivered to mine, I think you'd start saying abusive things, but I put a little card on it. So the other day, uh, I had covet a couple weeks ago, I would basically have to like run through the house to use the bathroom or whatever. And so Anna, in an attempt to say something sweet to me as I was walking through the house, said, "I like it when you're here, but I love it when you leave." Now, what she meant was, I like It When You're here. But I love to watch you go. It was a compliment for my butt. But since then, a joke between us has been, I Like It When you're Here, but I Love It WhenYou Leave. And So that's what what I wrote on the little card that's going to come with her gift.

0:25:37 Tom: Right.

0:25:37 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's

0:25:52 Tom: That's great. I love that shit. I fucking love it, so

0:25:54 Thomas: Awesome. Hey, you know how like the Dunkin Donuts probably at the end of the day in the morning, they probably have like the bag of donuts from yesterday that's in the dumpster and they're probably still good. Do you have any like your second your second idea? Yeah, Eli, whatever it was on your list that you didn't use, like if you're not using it, like do you mind just telling Telling me from like what

0:26:04 Eli: Sure. I'm getting that for Lydia.

0:26:12 Tom: Yeah.

0:26:15 Eli: Can I just, can I just get it? Do the date of the cards, man. Date of the card's the best. Choose the cards thing. I talked about this on the show already, but you,

0:26:23 Tom: Yeah.

0:26:21 Thomas: Oh, yeah that is good. Yeah, but

0:26:24 Eli: Yeah.

0:26:24 Tom: Yeah. Yeah, I like that idea a lot. That takes the pressure off of you too.

0:26:26 Thomas: I, I should incorporate what's going on in our lives, so I should be like, hey, take your pick, Lydia, here's what we're gonna do, are we're going to work on the never-ending work we have or hold on, or option two, work on them never ending work we have, but in a different order. Yeah. Yeah, those are, we could spice it up. What if we edited dad's after OA or something? I don't know.

0:26:39 Eli: Go to Olive Garden.

0:26:51 Eli: Ooh.

0:26:43 Tom: Work that we have well could Light some candles in the room while you edit, you know, I mean, you don't have to, you, she could be wearing like a nice teddy and have some candles lit while she edits. You know, nothing but a pair of headphones and a smile while she's working. You know? Spice it up, Thomas, you know?

0:27:02 Eli: Ooh, so Hot the way you've assigned a and move to a hotkey. Oh, yeah.

0:27:08 Thomas: I, I've tried to get company policy to reflect my wardrobe preferences for the workers here and I'm still working on it. You know, it's, it'S something I've told the board, you know, and we're, we're going.

0:27:20 Eli: Yeah,

0:27:21 Tom: You could set a dress code. I feel like you could have a dresscode if you want to be a part of the company. You know you can establish

0:27:23 Thomas: Yeah. Exactly.

0:27:25 Eli: You show up in a teddy, I'm a man of my word.

0:27:29 Eli: I'm a man in my word, that's why

0:27:27 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. I I would, though. That would be how I feel, like, I no skin off my back wearing some women's lingerie. Now you put it on too, this is win -win yeah Literally.

0:27:32 Eli: I'm all about it. Yeah, this is a win -win -win win -win. Yeah.

0:27:42 Thomas: Where's the downside? Somebody tell me the downside. Yeah.

0:27:43 Tom: That. I feel, I feel like this, this was edited silky smooth. This is good. I like this. All right, so part of the reason I wanted to do this, this episode, was, you know, there was a thread on our Dad's page which was about date nights, and I looked through that thread and there seemed to be basically like two answers, and the answer was yes, we absolutely prioritize date night. And then the other answer was, what is date night? We haven't seen each other outside of the kids for like years. Like some people saying like they haven't been out for a long, long time. And I thinking about this because the one side seemed really bleak to me, like the, but understandable, understandable, but bleak.

I was thinking about this and I was Thinking you know when the kids are real little I think it can become a very easy Thing to do to make your Entire family structure Very very child centered So that the relationship kind of Gets pushed off And isn't sort of prioritized And people are very Comfortable in that space and other people are like No we're still going to prioritize The of our one to one Relationship and I think like From through, some people were really lamenting their lack of date night, and then they had a lot of reasons for it. A lot of it is just not having access to child care, which it totally gets since we don't have family nearby either that offers child care.

0:27:48 Thomas: Yeah. No, You're

0:29:03 Tom: But I curious what your thoughts were in terms of whether families should be child-centered or not child-centered, whether you think that's a healthy approach to building your family, and like, if you do, kind of should

0:29:15 Thomas: Not loading that question up at all, Tom, what

0:29:17 Eli: I was gonna say I I I

0:29:18 Tom: Should that evolve, yeah, I'm curious where you stand with it. Is that healthy, is that not healthy, is that your answer can be yes, I mean, I'm not,

0:29:25 Thomas: If

0:29:20 Eli: Mean, maybe, I mean, maybe I'm coming from a place of defensiveness, but, like, for me, I think that a date night makes your family as, if not more, child centered, right? Because you, you renewing that romantic connection that you have with your partner, you are able to parent better together, right, the love that you share and the connection that you share turns you into more than, like, coworkers and a weird, like, cause, cause, look, there, there are moments in every relationship where you're sort of just partners.

0:29:53 Thomas: You're literally co -workers.

0:29:55 Eli: Yeah. I, well, you know, sometimes, uh, but there are movements where the romance becomes a partnership and that's fine. Like that is a natural part of relationships. There are clutch moments and moments that are really hard and moments that Are really busy. But I think throughout it is really important to remind yourself that like, hey, this is also your best friend. This is also someone that you love romantically. And I think that does make a difference as to how you parent, because I think we need that kind of love. And if we don't get that kind love, or if we try to work it into the cracks or the margins of a relationship, that of yourself means that that there's less of you to bring to the kids. So I I would push back against kid -centered versus us -centered because I think us - centered makes you more kid - centered.

0:29:58 Tom: Yeah.

0:30:42 Tom: That's an interesting approach for sure, I guess, you know, when I thought of it I was thinking about, like, kind of just how we allocate our time and attention resources. I always think about those, and maybe because this is how my life is structured, but, like, allocate, I, my time, I'm deeply aware all the time that these are finite resources, right? Doesn't matter how much I might love, you, my kids, my wife, like, I have a lot of love to give, but I don't have an infinite amount of time, and I do not have an infinite amount of attention, and everybody would like more of each, right? I'm very much aware that I have to allocate time and attention resources in ways that are very deliberate, in order to make sure that those needs for those relationships are met, and that they're nurtured properly, and that I get what I want out of those relationships too.

0:31:29 Tom: And it's a very conscious decision-making process of, like, all right, this time is allocated over here, this amount of attention is allocated over here, I got to make sure that I carve out time that is just for Amon, so he feels seen and heard and loved and appreciated, special, and I have to carve out time for, you know, playing magic with Finn when he's over here for the same reasons, and I've to carve out, so I, I think about these things in these very specific kind of terms, and I think that, for what I read in the thread, there's a lot of people that are carving out those pieces, and then, then they carve out pieces of time for themselves, and I see a lot of people not carving out any time or resource attention for their relationship, and I, I agree with you, I think that that makes, in my view, that makes the whole family structure like a little less stable, as far as, like, I would see a family structure, because it's like, oh, geez, like, what if you end up roommates, you know, like, that seems like a, a danger that that could be

0:32:24 Tom: Built into that, yeah.

0:32:24 Eli: Well, yeah, Importantly, I think people think they can turn that part of themselves off, the part of them that needs romance and attention and time with just their partner, then, and what they end up doing is they end up suffering the mental and emotional consequences of being starved of that attention, um, because they're the ones who did it, they might not necessarily say to themselves, like, oh, I'm just, you know, I'm missing my wife right now, and that's why I'm feeling this way, right, they might think that something's wrong with the relationship when there's not, they might think that somethings wrong with their life when there's not, and so I think it's a really valuable, right, a funnier example, right, like, Tom doesn't think he, he needs more than three hours of sleep, but he's wrong, right?

He is incorrect. We all know that, right? Someday, right, he's going to kill everyone in his house with a machete, and we're going to be like, oh, it's because of the not sleeping thing that happened, right. And I think you can similarly kill your relationship with a machete when you starve it of those much needed resources. So I think it's like, I think it is really essential that this person who

0:32:43 Tom: Yeah.

0:33:29 Eli: Was wildly important in your, your life, and you and them made this incredible connection, and now you have this third shared adored object, as the author says, um, I think it's really important for you to take the time to connect, because I think if you don't, uh, it does more damage than I think we're willing to admit.

And I think especially a lot of folks who are dealing with, like, stressful times or monetary problems or child sitting problems, like you mentioned, right, I think there is a sometimes a a little bit of a pride in it, right, you might see other people in your life who do have time and, you know, extra income for those things, and so, rather than allowing ourselves to feel sad about it, which I think is a healthy emotion, right, I think it's okay to mourn the time you and your partner might not have together, we instead turn that outwards as a way to, like, call out people who spend too much time together, or, well, I don't have time for that, I'm a good mom, and I have to to do this, and I think that's where a lot of, like, the

0:34:28 Tom: Yeah.

0:34:28 Eli: Uglier forms of mom shaming and and dad shaming and parent shaming come from, is that people are are turning that feeling about themselves and what might be lacking outwards into a way to, uh, what's going on for them, rather than just accept that, hey, you're in a, you're an unlucky or an unhappy spot right now.

0:34:48 Tom: And I'll speak for myself specifically. When I was in an unhappy marriage, I was very happy, in that unhappy marriage, to direct the majority of my time and energy resources to my kids, and I didn't think twice about that, because that's a very socially acceptable way for you to disengage from a bad situation, in a way that, like, feels like you're always making the right choice in the moment, right, you're spending time with your kids, it, that's never an assailable choice, that's always like a good dad, good person thing to do, and when I was in a bad relationship I would also carve out time for myself, so I would make sure it'd be like, oh, I'm gonna hang out with my guys, or I'm going to make beer, or I're going to work out, I had hobbies that were my personal hobbies, and again, that's a very unassailable position, but yeah, everybody has to kind of carve out time for themselves, and as that relationship, in a bad relationship, became more and more distant, it became easier and more natural for both of us to continue to do those things, and it was no problem, like, there were no complaints, right, because that's a very easy sort of roommate scenario that I see a lot of people fall into, not just having done it myself, but, and there were other reasons for that dissolution as well that were more significant, but, like, I was, very I was very happy to watch that happen in my life.

0:35:16 Thomas: Right, yeah, let's,

0:36:05 Tom: I was like, cool, I have something to distract me. I have something else that I can pour my time and energy resources into. And like, that was a very like natural and comfortable space for me to be in. And now I'm in a different space and in a very, very different relationship. And I find myself behaving very differently in this relationship and recognizing the primacy personally of that relationship and what it means to me and recognizing that carving time out for me often involves or almost always involves carving time out for that relationship because it's like, well, yeah, I can't be happy without this. I don't know how to be happy with this piece of my life firing on all cylinders. And to your point, Eli, I would be a less valuable parent if I didn't have this stable foundation that I think is reinforced with these, you and Haley and I haven't gone out very much in the last three years.

0:36:55 Tom: We've gone out like once or twice, but we still carve out time that is uniquely our time, despite being like fantastically busy. You know, even if that means to your jokes, like I'll sacrifice sleep to do it. I'll be like, well, I'm going to skip my workout today. You don't like I will skip. I'll skip other things that are important to me. If it means I get to hang out with my wife, I'll I'll not going to work out today. Cause I just, I ran out of time in the time.

0:37:10 Eli: Aislan, for instance, Tom,

0:37:20 Tom: I have a lot, it it's bad, it's bad, but,

0:37:20 Eli: Tom hasn't bathed for two years. Smells terrible. It's bad. It's a lot of rashes.

0:37:27 Tom: For the Valentine's thing, one thing that I did make a very conscious decision about is that, like, for me, like, I have decided that I want to take every opportunity, no matter how trivial or silly, to celebrate the relationship that I have. And Valentine's is like all full of cheesy silliness. I get that. I totally get it. And I totally understand, Thomas, is why it feels kind of inauthentic and put upon. I get that. It's sort of like, here's this thing, enjoy celebrating it. And it's like, yeah, well, all right. I guess what I'll do is enjoy celebrating that, every I'll opportunity possible to enjoy that. But I think that that comes from a place for me of just being like, I finally have something worth celebrating and I understand and feel that distinction. Do you know what I mean? That gulf or that gap between what I used to live and what I get to live now.

0:38:14 Tom: And so I'm like, I'm thrilled to do Valentine's Day. Like, I go over the top for Valentine's Day every year and I love doing it because it's like, yeah, this is my relationship's birthday, you know what I mean, even though anniversary is just is actually, genuinely, that, yes.

0:38:25 Eli: And, not to like into psychiatry mode, but you know, one of the things that we've talked about on this podcast a lot when it comes to you, Tom is like, you made do with a lot the relationships in your life, right? When you talk about your mom, when you talk About your ex, which you do very kindly in both scenarios. I mean, you tell the truth, but you're never like that fucking asshole, right. Like if my me to a snapping turtle, I wouldn't be like, you know, I nothing her. I'd be like I actively hate her. Here's the poster I set on fire every morning of her face, right? So one of the things that I think is really lovely about you and Haley's relationship is that it is not a compromise, right? It is exactly the thing that you hoped for. It is actually the thing you wanted.

And so when I hear these stories from your life where you have sort of healthily or not made your peace, with how people behaved, one of the things that I really admire is that you have also set aside this place where you're like, and this is right and not a compromise and not halfway there and is not, not that you would ever say this, but the marriage is not whatever Haley is capable of, right? It is exactly the marriage that you want. And taking the opportunity to celebrate that I think is, is really wonderful.

0:38:44 Tom: No, right.

0:39:36 Eli: It's a wonderful thing to see my buddy Tom do who, you do with shocking himself awake every morning because there's no other options.

0:39:41 Tom: We

0:39:46 Thomas: I think it's the thing about Valentine's Day is, I, I totally take on board all you're saying, but the thing we like to do is go out to eat and like, we all know we're not fucking getting a Valentine's Day reservation like that's all covered, like, I think we're all on board here, we're agreeing, getting the reservation on Valentine's Day. What

0:40:04 Eli: Are the restaurants juste empty on Valentine's Day? Because I now know nobody who is willing to go out on Valentine.

0:40:08 Thomas: They're packed full of very couples that are like, does, oh, does this mean we love each other? Okay, I guess we do this, but already wouldn't have to be another night. And you're like, well, why am I, okay. A Monday night. Cause it's the day before Tuesday. And it's just wait till it's a night that we want to go out that works with our schedule. And at that point, I'm like, what is the Valentine's day for? What is that? What does the purpose of that?

0:40:15 Tom: Cynical, we used to go on Valentine's Day.

0:40:30 Eli: Oh yeah. The delayed Valentine's Day is an amateur mistake. If we have any newlyweds out there, new parents out there who are like, oh, it's cool, it's on Wednesday this year, we're just going to go, I mean, mean it's too late because we're, this episode's coming out to Tuesday night. But do what you can, because I'll, here's

0:40:44 Thomas: Yeah. So that your relationship's over, uh, but next time, and

0:40:46 Tom: Just go ahead and file

0:40:49 Eli: Well, here's a problem with the delay, right? You're like, I made us a reservation Friday night, darling, I've got us a seat for two at the Casa de blah blah and I've got rose petals in the shape of my butthole and it's going to be so wonderful. And you're like, I nailed Valentine's Day this year. But now it's Wednesday and you're sitting there in your fucking sweatpants and everyone's like, happy Valentine's Day, and your partner's just, just staring at you, just fucking staring at you. And you're like, well, I'm sure, I'm looking forward to our date on Friday. And they're like, yeah, no, me too, I'm also looking forward to when it was convenient for you to love me. And you're just like, oh, no. Oh, no. Better buy some grocery store flowers because they always have flowers.

0:41:33 Tom: Oh.

0:41:33 Thomas: Then I'll be honest, is, that starts getting me, I'm going to turn into the fucking MRA of the podcast, but that always gives me thinking like, why why Is that all on? Sometimes I just jog. I'm like, man, I can't wait to see what Lydia does for me for Valentine's day. It's going to be a big dinner. What's she going to, you're going to go all out. You know, who knows what surprises surprises are in store.

0:41:47 Tom: Boy.

0:41:46 Eli: I Let me equalitize the genders here and just say that I think whoever is the more valuable member of the relationship should be the receiver and the giver. And can I say, I think the score is perfect. I do all the gifting to Anna. Tom does all the gifting day. I mean, let's see. Let's be honest.

0:42:03 Tom: No, I get gifts in return, no,

0:42:06 Eli: You get gifts.

0:42:06 Tom: We do we do a very abs, absolutely, absolutely.

0:42:08 Eli: All right. Now I'm pissed.

0:42:09 Tom: We both will do Valentine's

0:42:10 Eli: Thomas, you have an ally in your new men's rights activism.

0:42:14 Thomas: Thank

0:42:11 Tom: Gifts and cards. You don't, yeah, we do, we do a gift exchange, we do cards, we, we would go out but I don't know if we'll be able to go out this year or not, but we, we will go out if she's up to it, we'll go out, um, do the whole thing, like I'll go over the top like with, like, I, you wrote her a book of love letters one year, I wrote a song and had it performed by an artist and recorded.

0:42:22 Eli: Lazy, lazy.

0:42:32 Thomas: God.

0:42:32 Tom: One year, like, I like to do like

0:42:34 Thomas: Okay. Good. That's a good move. I was very worried.

0:42:36 Tom: No.

0:42:35 Eli: I thought Tom sang the song too. And I was about to be like, Hey Tom, I'm going to get off the podcast and call Haley and be like Hey Haley, I don't have a lot of money, but you can have I have literally all of it to give me that recording right now. If you can get me that recording of Tom being, I want to understand everything.

0:42:37 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah,

0:42:38 Tom: Me sing it Oh, it was a death metal song. I did a death medal love song. Yeah. No, that's it.

0:43:01 Thomas: I

0:43:00 Eli: Oh, okay. That's better. That'S more fitting. There we go. I'm back in.

0:43:03 Tom: But Hayley does gifts and she does cards and and all that stuff too, so so we, yeah, both kind of go out of our way to celebrate it. And I, I think its fun. So even if we don't go out tonight or on Wednesday night, I don't know if we will or not. But if we do, if we go out, we'll make sure to make like a special dinner. And that's the thing I wanted to get back to with the date night thing, because I do sympathize with a lot of the people in the thread. And I think it's a very common thing. It's like, look, I don't have babysitters. I don't have child care. I totally get that. Like, we do not have family that can babysit either. Like Haley's family doesn't live nearby. My dad lives over an hour away. We like don't have any other family. So like there is no family babysitting options. There's a lot of people without child care, but you can still do stuff like you can still try to carve out time, even if that time carve out isn't exactly what you would want.

0:43:49 Tom: So, like, maybe you would like prefer to go out to dinner. That's the thing that you really like to do. But like, okay, if we can't do that, let's like do hot pot at home, you like Let's learn to cook something together.

0:43:57 Thomas: Thought you said hot pocket for a second, I was like, does that count because I will

0:44:00 Eli: Let's do a Hot Pockets at home.

0:44:00 Tom: That's what Noah does for Lucinda that's that's the Noah and Lucinda Valentines

0:44:02 Eli: Yeah. No,

0:44:01 Thomas: I will do a hot pocket yeah, I think they have the fake meat ones too, so that's really? Really?

0:44:06 Eli: Yeah. So you're all good. No. I will say, like, when I think of the sweetest moments of me and Anna's relationship, some of them are the amazing trips we've taken, the incredible meals we've eaten, but honestly, like, some of the busiest and hardest times of our relationship were also the sweetest. I think I've told this story before, but, like, when Anna was night feeding Max, when he was a baby, baby, baby, um, would stay up, right, I would wake up and get him ready so she could get in the bed and get comfortable, and I'd change his diaper and then bring him over to her and she would actually feed him, but while she was feeding him, right, he was usually asleep, so we would just text. Right.

0:44:07 Thomas: Yeah. Right.

0:44:07 Tom: Oh,

0:44:42 Eli: And I would make her that's the ASCII art, the stuff that's made out of like the slashes and the doodles and stuff. And like just just moments back and forth, like those were as precious to us and as affirming of our relationship as any date night has ever been, if not significantly more so. So I think what you're saying and what I want to wholeheartedly agree with is like, we absolutely understand that not everyone has the privilege of tonight. We're going out to Jepposinos and the table will have roses and the kid will be watched for 19 hours, right? Like, cause Max was a COVID baby. We fucking get it. There was no babysitter in our life until a really

0:44:43 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, you

0:44:46 Tom: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yes.

0:45:18 Eli: Long time. Um, and my mom visited once every two or three months after us all isolating and all that crazy. Like I, I get it, I really do. But you can still create moments of sweetness to connect with your partner And I think that's what we want to encourage everyone listening to do, regardless of your level of privilege. And look, if you're lucky like us and you got a fucking super nanny who, your kid can go over there and be like, watch the puppy bowl, then fucking yeah, go to Jeppesinos. But if you're in a different place, like, are lots of little things you can do to reaffirm that love for your partner and have that love reaffirmed back. And I think if we were being honest about it, if we were being vulnerable, which it's very hard to do on the internet, we would notice in ourselves that we're missing those things.

0:45:31 Tom: Yeah.

0:46:02 Tom: Know one thing that occurs to me all the time with this sort of stuff is like, if it mattered to you when you were dating, it, those needs, that desire for connection, that desire to like, all of that stuff, doesn't it, doesn't change just because you stood in front of some people and said I do, and you've been together for years. Like, all those things that are fun and exciting and like matter and mean something when you were first dating, I don't think those things diminish or go away in terms of like how valuable they are to you once you've become married. Very

0:46:31 Thomas: Know, Yeah, I, we're out of time, but I'm been trying to sit here and think and try to call us for one. I've be trying to think, is it just because I've bee in a literal hair on fire emergency situation for a year? And how much, like, that's definitely part of it, definitely part it. It, but

0:46:43 Tom: Probably yeah, very probably

0:46:44 Eli: Yeah, I mean, Thomas, Thomas, I don't know how to tell this. One's This not on you, big guy.

0:46:45 Tom: Probably Thomas, yeah. But

0:46:46 Thomas: Yeah, no, no. But, but also there is another, we we didn't, didn't get to it as much, but I think Tom, it's cause we, I think we pretty much agree that when like your kids are little, it'S going to be different than when they're bigger. And I, I, for one, feel um, like what's insanely important to me is getting that much time as possible with the little kid phase. Cause it's the, it''s my favorite thing to ever ever exist. And And it is so fast. Like it'll be over in two seconds. It already, Phoebe is already six feet tall. I don't understand it. It's like, so like that is my priority. And I also think that Eli's right, that it's not an either or.

0:46:49 Tom: Yeah. Yeah.

0:47:22 Thomas: Thing I'm realizing too, just to the, my final thoughts, I kind of went through those thoughts. And then my last thought was like, well, another part of it for us, because a to what you just said was for me and Lydia, and Lydia, she can, you know, she can turn on the mic and cut in the edit, you know, if I'm wrong, she could be like, Thomas is full of shit right here.

0:47:39 Thomas: So for Lydia and I, Like, I personally have never felt closer. Our relationship only gets better. Like I would say as much as I thought, like we had the, you know, the honeymoon phase of, it wasn't even after we got married. It was like the you several years right after we got together that we had that phase and that was awesome. But now there's such such a deeper connection and I have so much more perspective in life and therefore value her so much more than I ever have, like it's it's better than ever. And while it does suck that we don't have the time that I wish we had, one thing I'm realizing is Lydia and I are constant partners, so it's not like she's over there sitting thinking, well, I hope there's something for Valentine's. And it's like it and it helps that we're literal partners in our work, like we're doing work

0:47:39 Eli: Lydia's voice drops in. Fucking liar.

0:48:29 Tom: Sure.

0:48:29 Thomas: Together, but we also are just partners in everything. So, so that feeling of like, yeah, we are having that fulfilling experience of getting through this together all the time. And I think that's at the very least that helps with the not having time for as many date nights. So we squeezed in a few, you know, and and uh, we've even squeezed in, sometimes this works works perfectly because I'm so stressed and overworked that I would rather work for my mental health most of the time than do something that I, you know, like I don't feel like I have time for. And so sometimes I'm like, Hey, I'll watch the kids and work. You go have a good time with friends. And that's awesome. Cause I'm best of both worlds, baby. I get work done. She, she gets to spend time with people, which is where she's truly at her happiest when she gets to be around like a bunch of other people. And she a true extrovert. She just loves those situations. And so it's not like we don't have any of that.

But I do think that being a constant like is the most important thing in my book in any relationship, just being on the same page in all senses as much as you can. And then it doesn't feel as much like, oh, I don't have time for Lydia. It's more like, hey, we're getting through this. We're making time when we can. But we also know that we both might not have time. And it's not this feeling of like one of us is doing this to the other or one of us is depriving.

0:48:40 Eli: Yeah.

0:49:00 Tom: Yeah.

0:49:46 Thomas: It's like, it'll, thing will come up and we'll be like, well, wish we could do this thing. And then we're both like, no, we got work to do. And it's like we are getting our moments, but it is a real partnership in that way, and I think that's kind of how we're getting through it.

0:49:53 Eli: Yeah. All right, now pause, pause. Lydia, what do you think?

0:50:00 Thomas: Yeah. I filed my divorce papers yesterday.

0:50:05 Eli: Wow. All right. Well, you all heard it from Lydia. Um, strong language, strong language. Um. And apologies, everyone.

0:50:07 Tom: No.

0:50:11 Thomas: Didn't know she was gonna go racial. That that was a surprise to me.

0:50:14 Eli: Didn't think that. Did not think that. And we would like to say, as a podcast, we don't think that about Jews at all. Um... I think she just sort of got swept up in the emotion you heard. There was a lot of crying. Um.. And sort of the Jews sort of natural. I mean, as someone who's hung out with Lydia a few times, she's mentioned the Jews every time we've spoken.

0:50:14 Thomas: Yeah.

0:50:31 Tom: It is surprising.

0:50:31 Eli: Um.... Which is weird. I've shared with her that I grew up Jewish and she, but she still, just she just goes off. She goes off. We got kicked out into the woods because she started shouting about them. Anyways, gentlemen, before we go, I'm reading a horror story in braille right now and I can tell something bad's about to happen, I can feel it all.

0:50:32 Thomas: OK, all right.

0:50:32 Tom: Yeah.

0:51:05 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

0:51:45 Eli: Old Dads. Where for his Dear Old Dads, Dear Old Dads, where

0:51:49 Thomas: Yeah, Tom, does Eli know the name of our show, I'm just

0:51:50 Tom: All right. We got to write it down for him, but he probably read it off of his own notes, so it's misspelled.

0:51:53 Eli: For as little yeah exactly where, like, Chipotle, totally. And

0:51:55 Thomas: I visible panty lines in this podcast, edit it. See what the fuck was I gonna say? Yeah, no, I was lost in the Story like a minute ago, I was like, "Oh, I have a great thing to say," and then I got lost more in the store and I was like, now I've forgotten what I was gonna say, um,

0:52:04 Eli: Fuck you.

0:52:08 Tom: Used