DOD106: We Mourn As We Go

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that takes you to school. I'm Tom Curry, and I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:37 Eli: To be fair, this week's episode's original wasn't an octoroon, and we did convince Tom to change it this week, so anyone who's mad about last week's intro, we fixed it, okay? We fixed it.

0:00:47 Thomas: It'd be

0:00:48 Tom: By the time you're hearing this, I've probably already had to prepare my apology through a, yeah, I'll be spending more time with my family and, yeah, right, right.

0:00:52 Eli: He's done the thing. Haley's been standing back and to the right with his children as he announces his retirement from politics. Yeah, it's very family and church and Thomas

0:01:03 Tom: Yeah, I had a whole PR firm have to write that for me, actually.

0:01:04 Eli: Haggerty. Yeah. Exactly.

0:01:09 Thomas: Be funny if One of Us did that church line, be like, I'M GONNA GO EXAMINE MYSELF AT CHURCH, I GUESS, I GOT, FIRST I GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT IS, AND, LIKE, HOW IT GOES, yeah, yeah, does anyone have any suggestions?

0:01:18 Eli: I guess I gotta pick one, and then I gotta figure Figure out, like, how

0:01:21 Thomas: It's just, I started

0:01:22 Eli: Homophobic I'm willing the church to be. Because some of those hippie ones, they'll surprise you. They'll, you know, they're all like, oh, man. A lot of slavery rules.

0:01:27 Thomas: Reading the textbook and it, God, that's, do you all read that? No. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Good. You know, so nobody reads it. Gotcha.

0:01:34 Eli: Does anybody know which slavery rules I'm allowed to skip? Can they do, is there one that's like, by the way we call, because I know the shrimp thing's fine now. So is there any, like is there a version where the things we call backsies on are crossed out so I can skip them?

0:01:42 Thomas: Yeah. That one that Jefferson made that has like two, two sentences in It. Yeah.

0:01:51 Eli: Jefferson, yeah, the Jefferson Bible

0:01:52 Tom: There you go. There you go, there we go.

0:01:52 Thomas: Yeah.

0:01:52 Eli: Where he was just like, hey everybody fuck all that, anyways, Jesus was like, be nice to each other, no he wasn't but it's fine, he said it in between the lines, listen, you did it, I have like a bunch of slave kids and it is not cash money, please don't do any sure

0:02:02 Tom: He said it among other horrible things.

0:02:06 Thomas: Yeah. He would have thought he'd keep the slavery parts in. Maybe that's all he kept in. You know?

0:02:12 Eli: Yeah, Exactly. He kept in the slavery parts but he put it right next to like the how to be a husband part so it gets really confusing. Confusing. All the marriage and the slavery stuff are right in it. Sorry, I'm a speed reader. What can I say?

0:02:13 Tom: Yeah, right?

0:02:23 Thomas: Yeah. Love is patient love is man

0:02:26 Eli: Must have skipped over.

0:02:28 Thomas: Love enslaves the Amalekites or something. I don't know.

0:02:30 Eli: Yeah, exactly. Thou shalt not suffer a love to live. Whatever it is. Gentlemen, do you know the only thing worse than how Thomas Jefferson treated his slaves? That's right. The auto ads. I didn't feel good about that intro and you won't feel bad about the auto ads?

0:02:36 Tom: Oh, my God, that's not I want to retreat. Nope.

0:02:35 Thomas: Auto ads. Yeah. Oh, god. Oh, god, this is Who's been writing all our intro, like what, do we hire Steve Bannon to fucking

0:02:52 Tom: Feel

0:02:53 Eli: God damn it, I knew- you know Sargon was going through hard times and he asked if we had any spot writing he could do on the show. Yeah, and we had, you know, a lot of YouTube followers, we figured he knew how to get in touch with the kids, but no, it's the auto ads, the auto adds are bad, but they're on our podcast so that we can remain alive, that's right, every time you hear an auto to add, sweet, sweet oxygen is pumped through your tubes into our corpuscles, so What if you wanted us not to die or do die but die in a different way, we'll choose our deaths over

0:02:59 Thomas: Yeah. He's on Fiverr and we fucking outsourced So, and given

0:03:23 Tom: What the fuck is

0:03:30 Eli: At patreon.com forward slash Dear Old Dads where for as little as a dollar you get a fun extended version commercial free of every single episode plus you get little parenting story at the end of every episode, except for the ones that Tom is not at. And you know, that's cause Tom's not in it to win it. Tom doesn't particularly care. Tom.

0:03:31 Tom: Happening one

0:03:52 Thomas: That we took a little vacation, Tom's insistence, cause he just doesn't, you know, he doesn't work. And so we took little break and the only folks who got to hear new dads last week was the patrons. So consider that.

0:03:52 Tom: I right, that's yeah, yeah, patrons

0:04:04 Eli: Yeah. All the rest of you. Oh, what's happening on my podcast player? Where's the show? You don't get to know. You don't get to know. There's you're on Smith's schedule now. All right. Some of these podcasts out there, they put things out every day of the week, every Thursday, every Friday. Dear Old Dads we put out a podcast whenever the fuck Thomas Smith is ready to that's what we do unless you're a patron, in which case you are guaranteed a podcast every single Thursday Friday AM the

0:04:13 Thomas: Hey, how dare you? No, it's not true. It's every Thursday night, Friday, AM. Am the bonus ones sometimes go out a different day, that's all. The regular so I do an extra thing I do a extra thing

0:04:34 Eli: Bonus ones but not for patrons a

0:04:36 Tom: There's a lot of defensiveness going on right now

0:04:37 Eli: Lot Podcast is falling apart ever since Tom used the slur as the intro of our last podcast. It's tearing us apart. Tom starting, starting new shows. It's, we're all, we're falling apart. Everybody, we're losing it. We're losing it. So what I wanted to talk about today, and hey, I want to give a, I guess, a trigger warning for this episode, because I don't know if anyone has ever heard someone who has a tremendous amount of luck whine about that luck, especially if you don't have it, but that's what I'm planning.

0:04:45 Tom: God damn it Yeah. I've been doing this show with you for years, Eli. Yeah, yeah. I got it.

0:05:13 Eli: Thank you, Tom. Thank you. Okay. Tom

0:05:14 Thomas: Only

0:05:15 Eli: Gets it. Tom continues to be on this podcast, so he understands it. Because I'm about to say all these amazing and wonderful things that are happening for my kid, and then I'm going to whine about them. And as someone who is very aware of how hard it is to get services for your special needs child, I just want to apologize to everyone out there who is going through it for how one easy this process has been, how cash money it turned out, and that I'm still going to bitch about it anyway. So if that's something you wouldn't like to hear, head on back to the Christmas episode. We talk about Analingus and the Muppet movie and, you know, that'll bring you back.

0:05:15 Tom: I got it. Yeah.

0:05:49 Thomas: On Patreon baby. patreon.com/dearolddads

0:05:51 Eli: Only for patrons. That's right. When did that episode comes out? We'll never tell. Anyways, so I've talked before that Max is a neuro spicy little boy, has been officially diagnosed now with ASD, or autism spectrum disorder, because he's somewhere on that spectrum and it's a disorder no matter where you are.

0:05:51 Thomas: Dance

0:06:14 Eli: When we got that diagnosis, we were able to apply through our school district for his IEP, and his, we, Individual Education Plan. As the only parent on this podcast who has had to deal with that, um, I can really speak to this experience in a way that no one else can, and if I think if they could, they would be too much of a coward to talk about it, so I'll sort of take the lead speak from authority

0:06:37 Thomas: Actually don't know who are you. This is me or Tom. Who are, are you joking about? Actually, I've lost track of who this joke is about.

0:06:40 Tom: All of my kids have had IEPs or 504s. Yeah.

0:06:40 Eli: Yes. Because every time I talk about Max, Tom goes, actually I have dealt with all of this, and you keep talking about it like you're the only one who's in, and I was like, anyways, back to my fucking journey, Tom, you swollen headed octoroon, I'm sorry, that's from the other, that's a callback to earlier when we use the different intro. No, but we did his IEP, and again, again, these are incredibly hellish experience. Tom, you've talked on this show about the absolute insanity you experienced going through your IEP process, and our IEP process absolutely ruled. Like from the get go, everyone was as nice and as understanding and as amazing as possible. They listened to our needs.

Everything happened within a tiny, know, if this is a New Jersey thing, but in New Jersey, from the first meeting when you say, I would like an IEP, the state has 90 days to give you an IAP. So they were like, fuck, it's go time. And then everyone like dive rolled out of the windows after our first meeting and organized all these assessments, and they used our doctor's notes and stuff, and they were just incredible.

Now, credit to to us, 50% of us is Anna, and she fucking rules. Uh, the other credit to us is, I think a lot of people, when they're writing IEPs at this age, are probably trying to convince parents that there's a disability there. Um, and so there's a lot more tiptoe, that that was always the vibes I got. They would be like, so there is some, uh, delay that we do have concerns about. And I was like, oh, the autism.

0:06:50 Thomas: Wow nice oh

0:08:21 Eli: Are you guys talking about the autism in the, I'm like holding Max up by his, his head and shaking him at them, like, you're talking about this, this little autistic kid right here, yeah, no, no, here, come meet his grandpa, you see the eye contact, there's no eye contact in the whole family, somehow all the pictures on the walls of the Smith family mountain, the eyes don't follow you, is what's happening over here, so yeah, we so it was yeah yeah, Smith and

0:08:23 Thomas: I thought you were thinking about something else, yeah, oh no, yeah, definitely autistic yeah he means Anna right, you're not that might have been a confusing joke there are

0:08:46 Eli: Yeah I know that's true, that's fair, I mean, hey, hey, T-Dog, hey T-Dog, it, it's an all universal joke, that one, that's it, that's that one goes both ways, but so the that's

0:08:56 Thomas: No pictures of my, sorry, no, it, it doesn't the pictures of my dad's, dad would be in the 1800s so you know in

0:08:58 Eli: True. There are no photos. Your father didn't allow photos. Yeah, because you'd have to say cheese and cheese simulates a smile, and he hated that, so I understand why they couldn't have, weren't standing for it. So we got the IEP the other day, and they announced that he got into this absolutely gorgeous preschool, public preschool, which he will go to for free. He's going to get two free speech therapies a week there. He's gonna get one free OT there. And know this, I work in a fancy-smanchy private school here in New Jersey. It's the second most expensive private school in New Jersey. It's top 10 in the country. The

0:09:05 Thomas: Terms

0:09:36 Eli: Preschool my son is going to for free is so much nicer than the fancy schmancy private school I teach at, it's ridiculous.

0:09:36 Thomas: Of expense, or is it any good wow

0:09:44 Eli: It looks like they got switched in some kind of Freaky Friday situation. Like, mine is the super duper nice school, and it's just, it's amazing, it's wonderful, and we feel so lucky and we're so grateful. But one of the reasons that I wanted to talk about it is, as I, they've mentioned occasionally, um, Max has been going to a Jewish preschool this year, and I and Anna have found incredible community there in a year that was really, really hard for us community wise, right? It's been, without going

0:09:43 Tom: That's awesome. Right.

0:09:47 Thomas: No

0:10:15 Tom: I

0:10:16 Eli: Into a whole thing, it's been really hard to be in my community, and it's been really hard to be Jewish this year. And those were both things that that that preschool provided, like genuine, like, community and support and friendship, like parent friends who I like, deeply, deeply connect with and want to continue to be friends with.

And so it's crazy that like this amazing, wonderful, lucky thing happened, I am sort of devastated by it, because while all the, it's so funny, um, because everyone else in my position would just be absolutely chomping at the bit to get this lucky, and I sort of had to be convinced by the head of our preschool, school.

So we, go in, and of course Anna, God, I love her so much, Anna comes in the day after the IEP meeting, she's like, all right, just so you guys know, we're fucking leaving, I don't know when, but, um, just, you know, get his shit, toss it in the garbage bag and meet us at the side door.

I, of course, have prepared a 10-phase grieving process for each person, you know, I'm going to present a different cheesecake to each member of the school so that we can work through this experience, and she's like, we're going, goodbye, you know, Anna's, Anna's approach was for them to be like, see you Monday, and for her to

0:11:29 Eli: Be like, nah, like that was my wife's approach to this, uh might have differed slightly, yeah yeah

0:11:31 Thomas: Wait

0:11:29 Tom: Think I think maybe your uh, your perceptions of the value of that community between you and may have differed Eli, I know you described as like, we found this great sense of community, but yeah that

0:11:45 Eli: But I think maybe uh, yeah, might have different ever so slightly, just, just a guess, just a guest, um, I go in, right, and I'm like, well, I'm gonna go in and have the fucking tearful goodbye, because I'm tearful and I want someone to feel sad, because again, Anna's wonderful, amazing thing about Anna is like, she possesses, I like to think that we are both beautifully focused on Max, but but like Anna has this beautiful, and recognize it in you a lot, Thomas, as well, of like the, oh, I don't have any fucks for anything except the kids, right? Like if there was a fire, but Phoebe was clear of it, I think it'd be really hard to remind Thomas there was a fire, right?

0:11:49 Tom: Might be just, just you buddy Right?

0:12:24 Thomas: Hold

0:12:24 Eli: The buildings on fire and be like, "Now that Phoebe's got a cool little dinosaur and it pops up like that." When you push the button

0:12:24 Thomas: On, how dare you no I I've universalized my feeling of my kids, I'd be fucking, that'd be, are there other kids in there? Because I would rescue, I mean I'm gonna gonna rescue my kids first

0:12:36 Eli: No there are no other I meant, I meant in the sense of like selfishness, the of your own shit

0:12:38 Thomas: Oh so like she's out of the fire and everyone's safe, yeah, no, I just

0:12:42 Eli: Right but Thomas is still in the fire and he's like, "It's fine, it's warm in here, I don't fucking care, it's cool, I'm just gonna plug this hard drive in, oh, I used the wrong plug, it's okay, I'll fix it," and Anna has that too, and so Anna instantly moved into like, like this appreciative gratitude place of like doing the right things and being in the right places. Um, I'm sort of grieving.

And so I go into talk to the head of our preschool, who's this absolutely lovely woman. And I was like, yeah, you know, because of course it's, it's voluntary. You don't have to take the things they offer you. And I'm like, Yeah, you know, we're gonna give it a shot. But we'll see. And she's like, Well, what are they offering you? Right? Because she's an education professional, and she has specialization in special ed.

And I was Like, Well you know he gets this he gets that he's in a mixed classroom and it's all free and he gets this thing and he gives this extra thing and she was like that sounds amazing why would you not want that and I was like because because I'm gonna miss you she was like oh she's like talk to a grown -up or something about that man I don't know what to tell you thomas smith pops up from under the desk on fire and it seems like a weird thing for you to be concerned about lowers back down again but yeah I mean it's it's weird because what what it made made me think of and the thing that I wanted to talk to you guys about is is something that's come up for me a lot lately which is that when you're a parent you are this person leading up until the moment that you're apparent and you have your own goals and your own desires and your own wants your own needs and yourownpriorities and then a kid changes those right in my case it was a pretty big change tom's case didn't change him at all it's just completely stays stays exactly

0:14:20 Tom: Sure.

0:14:20 Eli: The same, just slightly different slightly different movies on the television set but um weird thing is I I felt prepared for that in terms of things like my career or going on vacation right like I knew right we're probably not going to get to go to these concerts anymore and like I you know I couldn't do a live show every other month anymore because I got to be home with my kid and I got it when we go on vacations we got to consider like how long are are we leaving Max for? That kind of stuff. But one of the things that has come up to me recently and came up really with this school thing is this notion that you form attachments associated with your kid, but then your kid in good and positive and healthy ways needs to move on and you're an adult and you have formed more permanent attachments than they have.

0:14:21 Tom: Sure.

0:15:08 Tom: I

0:15:10 Thomas: Yeah yeah I

0:15:12 Eli: That I, I think of associated with it is, uh, I was talking to my cousin over Thanksgiving, uh, and she's got a typical teen right now, and the teen wants nothing to do with her, and what we were talking about that I think is so funny is like, I, you see your kid and your kid is naturally repelling, right, they're shitting the nest, right as they say, um, is a lovely term that have you not heard Anna told me about this yesterday, it's it's a a very healthy.

0:15:29 Thomas: Don't think I've ever heard that that's great yeah yeah

0:15:31 Tom: Love that term that's a great term I love that term

0:15:36 Eli: So when you're a teen, you're about to leave, right? A very natural and healthy process is you shit the nest so that it feels okay for you to leave. And your parents are like, ah, that fucking asshole shit the next before he left. I'm glad he's gone, right? This is a very natural thing. And it's, it's referred to in behavioral therapy all the time. Um, but one of the things that comes up when your kid starts to shit the nests is they're going through a pretty natural, normal thing, but you're an adult who chose to love them.

0:15:46 Thomas: Yeah I don't know who's

0:16:04 Eli: Right. But also you are as in love. And then Tom, I'm really interested to hear your take. You're as in love with them as you were. You didn't loving your child, right? You're not going through a phase where you're like, "God, I just want Finn to get the fuck out of my house." Right. Uh, and so that the conflict there, and that is sort of part of what I'm getting a taste of with this is that that like has needs and wants that are different than my needs and wants, right? Because I want to stay at this place where I've made friends and

0:16:00 Tom: Yeah yeah right

0:16:01 Thomas: Waiting through shit yeah yeah so

0:16:36 Eli: Found a community and had a good time and Max needs something different. And it's funny, it's as much as I talk about sacrifice for my kids and of, think have thought about sacrifice from my kids. This is the first time I feel like I've had to really do it. And so I just wanted to talk through that experience and so

0:16:36 Tom: Yeah

0:16:51 Thomas: You're gonna miss your kid's school more than he or it doesn't okay gotcha

0:16:54 Eli: Much more apparently.

0:16:56 Tom: I will say, like, I think that parenting, parenting involves like, like a whole series of moments of sort of tiny grief that you have to work through, like moments where you're just in, I don't know, in sort of like transitional mourning, you, because there's a time when you realize your kids don't want to hold your hand anymore, or where they're too big to pick up, through a phase which really made me nervous, even though I absolutely knew to expect it, knew what was happening while it was happening, and still just hated it.

He hit that 12 to maybe 15 range, give or take, somewhere around there, um, really started to pull away and become a little distant, and like that closeness that he and I had had, very understandably, very developmentally normally, just kind of started to fade, and who he was started to change, and what he wanted to do, and how he wanted to spend his time, and it wasn't like I was his best friend anymore, and like there's all, all these little moments.

And the crazy thing is like, we're working really hard as parents, or we should be, to create those moments that for them will be these like wonderful stepping stones into adulthood, which is what we have to be working on. And for us, it's like, "Well, here's how I'll break my heart today. Here's

0:16:56 Thomas: Yeah yeah yeah

0:18:19 Eli: Yeah.

0:18:19 Tom: What I'll do. I'll, reach in and find the softest, most delicate part of me and I'll crush it like glass in my fist.

0:18:27 Tom: And and if I do a really good job, it'll hurt more.

0:18:25 Eli: Right,

0:18:26 Thomas: Well well yeah combine that with, for the kid, these eras are like the the fucking Triassic and the Giraffe, you know, they're, as a a kid, you're like, "God, remember that? Holy fool, that was a whole day." And for me, I'm like, "Wait, that's not still happening." We didn't, you're not still a baby. 'Cause the times and COVID, add that together, like the time goes so fast that it's like, I don't even get a chance, it's already over before it's done. Lydia, I dunno if it's just me, I think it's kind of both Lydia and I lately, for some reason, maybe it's because, you know, Remy, by the way, you're old, turned a year, you know, a little over a year now, so Um, might be like done with bottles and been really mourning, um, Phoebe. I've been for whatever reason, I've just been like, we've just been like, man, remember baby Phoebe, like that was just the fucking best. And I'm glad none of our kids are ever going to listen to this. Nothing wrong.

I'm, I'm enjoying the fuck out of Arlo ever since he turned, like, I don't know, there was an age where he, you know, we had a little little bit of rockiness because of Arlo's tendency, prefers what he prefers, and he liked Lydia. You, I don't know what the percentage of it, but even if it was 51-49 Lydia, that meant he wanted Lydia every minute of every day. So was why Arlo was tough.

And then he hit an age where he was all of a sudden, the best little guy, was so fucking fun. And it's been to this day, every day is a delight with Arlo. But we didn't get with neither Arlo, Arlo nor Remy. Well, I guess Remy, it still could be coming, but we didn't get with Arlo the same Phoebe phase.

I think it just has to do with like, Phoebe was so smart so early that like, you get all these little interactions that, know, that are just so cute because she's speaking earlier. She's, she's doing all this stuff earlier. And then she's being cute because you can hear, like, Remy not even talking at all yet. I think he's, we'll see, he might be a little delayed.

It's not time to worry yet, but, you he's know, not even saying data yet, we're working on it, or mama, or anything. And Arlo was late as well. And so we just didn't get this particular phase that we just felt was like the most enjoyable, cute thing of like, oh, that's a little baby pointing at the things and doing the things.

And Arla was childhood, also his infancy was COVID as well, so anyway, point is, we're mourning this particular moment that happened with Phoebe, and it's hard because it's like, you she's, what, still there? Like, Phoebe's still here, she's

0:18:44 Eli: Yes.

0:19:00 Tom: That's crazy.

0:20:43 Tom: Right.

0:20:43 Thomas: Still amazing, she's, this will be a period of time we'll be mourning as hard as anything, you know what I mean? That's the feeling. How do you guys feel about that? Because I would say what really gets me is the feeling of simultaneously mourning this, like, baby phase with Phoebee, and also knowing, well, this phase is fucking great, and I'm gonna be mourning this in five minutes, you know.

0:21:05 Eli: Yes.

0:21:06 Tom: Yeah. Well, you know, I think, I, that there is something to be said, I want to return to that idea of that shitting the nest, because like, will say that with every phase, and maybe I'm just speaking for myself, definitely probably not speaking for Thomas, but with each phase of the kids' development

0:21:17 Thomas: Tom's just shitting all over the net. No, Tom, you're, you're not supposed to try to shit the nest too.

0:21:23 Tom: But for as wonderful as like every one of those phases or stages are, there's plenty to dislike too, and so that makes it easier, I think, for me at least, to be like, okay, that was, you know, baby phase had its, had ups and downs, right? Phase has its ups, ups and downs. And then, like, elementary school, I will say is mostly ups for most of the kids, but I will Say like elementary School for Eamon has been not his time to shine for Donovan and Finn. That moment was like middle school, middle school.

0:21:43 Thomas: Yeah, God, they're so cute.

0:21:55 Tom: They were not their best versions of themselves and they've really matured into much better versions. But I guess what I'm saying is like, like they're sort of like constantly like gilding the nest and shitting the nest at the same time

0:22:05 Thomas: I think Tom's message is focus on the negatives. We don't focus onthe negatives enough.

0:22:06 Tom: No I think I think there's something to be said about like it does make it easier to leave that stage behind to some degree because we have to, right? We're leaving that stage behind. And like, once you have decided we're not having any more kids, there's a finality to that. And it could be easy, I think, to be sort of bogged down in the model in this. So the whole thing, right.

0:22:28 Thomas: Oh, is great because this is X's all over again. So I don't want to speak for you, Eli, but my feeling is that Eli and I are a little bit similar on this in that, yeah, we do have to quote unquote move on. I'm Like, not going to pretend that Phoebe's still a baby or something, but like, I don't have to emotionally move on. Who Who's, is dictating that I need to emotionally move on from that? What does it mean? I'm allowed to, to just cherish that my whole life and wish that was what things were forever. No one's going to stop me. Whereas Tom's like, no, productivity dictates that you must be mentally in performing your best.

0:22:57 Eli: Oh, again, we're three extremes because Thomas is like, look, obviously I have to acknowledge that Phoebe's not a baby anymore. And I'm like, do we though? And Tom is over there at the far end of reality being like, "No, guys, what I'm trying to explain." And we're like, "You heartless piece of shit, trying to take my 14-year-old son out of his diapers and ruin my, ruin my, his childhood, mine, mine, mine, my mind, you fat, you swollen-headed octoroon."

0:23:39 Eli: "You've left your steamboat for the last time, sir."

0:23:44 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:23:44 Tom: And I say that having having had a part in raising four kids up to different different ages, obviously, not all of them for their whole lives and whatever. So it's been a varied experience. But, you what I discovered is that I did not have a like this is my favorite phase of of or development. I don't have that. What I've had is this is My Favorite with Finn and this was My Favorite With Aislinn and this Was My Favorite with Eamon so far.

0:24:08 Thomas: Well, that's what I'm saying with with Phoebe and Arlo, that difference, too. Yeah, I have that for sure.

0:24:11 Tom: Right. Right. Yeah. And it continues to evolve and I've, I really enjoyed that process because I've also had my least favorite with all of them and I'm okay with that. You know, I'm OK with recognizing like, hey, you know, like there was a moment in time where like it wasn't super fun all the time to be a parent to this little person because they were not their best selves or like it was difficult for these different reasons. And maybe we just were like struggling to make that connection. Like I said, like when Finn was like 12 to 15 and he's since come back, but when Fin was like maybe 12 to15, there was a lot of moments where I was like, God, what is this fucking distance?

And it was hurtful, it was even though I knew it was appropriate. So don't know, I just like I've discovered that it's like everything else with the kids. I thought like, you know, when I was going to be a parent, I thought like, well, I'll develop a parenting style and I'll have a way to parent and I think about parenting and all, this is the kind of parent I'll be. And what I discovered is this is the parent I am to Finn. This is the parent. I am too. Amen.

This is the parents I am. To Donovan. It changes per kid, right? Because it's based on what they need. And I've discovered the same is true of the, those different phases of their lives and the way that I've grieved and celebrated those phases is that it's been different kid to kid. And Um, that experience has not been like, well, Tom likes the toddler phase or, You know, Tom likes the elementary school years.

Like, for some of them, I've loved the elementary school years and for others I've been like, Oh my God, please grow up a little bit. Like can we grow out of this phase? This is not our best. It's not our best moment. So I just think that that's like been a real interesting experience for me is the variability. And I don't know how else to say it, but like how customized that experience has been person by

0:24:28 Thomas: Yep, for sure, yeah, yeah.

0:25:47 Tom: Person.

0:25:47 Thomas: Well, that's for sure, yeah. That's, that's true of my kids, but you know, it reminds me, I think early on, if not still, I forget. I think people got impression that all of my parenting was like easy because I just, the way I talked about it is like this love letter to my kids, you know? And I feel like this is a good example of like all Tommy just described. I have, all that too. It's not like I don't have that. Like I remember particular phases with Phoebe and Arlo, uh, each in turn that were like, "Jesus Christ, I hope you get over this." But to I forget about it immediately because it's overall my focus is just like this is the most divinely amazing experience ever, just having these kids. And so like, I an interesting just difference in like how we perceive and and we kind of go through parenthood that I think is it has a lot to do with our personality around everything else in a way that I think is kind of funny. Yeah.

0:26:40 Tom: Yeah, Absolutely.

0:26:43 Thomas: I

0:26:41 Eli: For you assholes, maybe, he's like, "Yeah, you know, I'm trying to enjoy myself at the moment, appreciate the good things and understand the bad." It's like, "Hey, you know, I'm trying to savor the good moments and let those live with me. I just feel bad all the time. I just feel like I can only remember bad things, and then I'm sad, bad, when the bad things end, but also still scared of the new," bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

0:27:04 Thomas: Will say one thing Eli, along those lines. Every time, I holds my hand, I can't not think about like, "Oh, this is going away soon," like, ever. I that's one where I'm just like, I'm enjoying it, but it's fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, that, I'm gonna do, yeah, though,

0:27:15 Eli: Here's the thing though. They can't go away. If you refuse to feed them, if they're not going to hold your hand, like it's the day once again, to represent my end of the spectrum, you can't pick up your kid. Fuck. Yes, they can. I rented a forklift from a local paper mill and I can look at this up and down.

0:27:31 Thomas: I love your story of your dad. You, you know, it's been like 10 years since, since you've said that. You should, you should say what your dad's thing with that was, if you don't mind, that's

0:27:38 Eli: Yes. So my, my dad who was, was a big, big, strong dude. Every time I would say that, I think the first time I said it to him was college would pick me up. And the last time he said it was literally right before he left. Cause it just became a joke that I would do right before he left to go to Ireland where he passed away. I was like, you know, Dan, sometimes, you knew, whoop, right up into a little cradle there, full 235 pound me or whatever it was at the time, right into the cradle.

0:28:02 Tom: Oh, yeah.

0:27:59 Thomas: So nice. I plan on doing that with my kids. I'm going to pick them up just time. It's already getting unwieldy. It'S amazing how fast they grow without, you know, like you just don't, all of a sudden I pick them and I'm like, what the fuck? It's like picking up a whole tree branch. Like it's just, they're lanky. You know, you're just like, Jesus, where did all this length come from?

0:28:12 Eli: Yeah. Yeah. And they just used to be these little, little beautiful pouches. Now, have good news, Thomas, which is when you miss Remy's baby phase, I have saved several hours of MP3s of screaming, and I'll install them on my soundboard, and I'll just hit the play.

0:28:21 Thomas: Yeah. They're these self -contained footballs. And when they're babies, Oh, my God. Yeah. No, I will not be missing that. That's true. Yeah, no, that's fucking that's one that even I will be like, no. I do not miss that. I miss the fact that someone's a baby. I think we both Lydia and I had a lot of Remy's, the joy of Remy's infancy robbed from us, which is unfortunate. Fortunate.

0:28:50 Eli: Sure.

0:28:50 Thomas: That's a really, that's a really tough thing. But like, the good news is, it's

0:28:53 Eli: Why? What happened? Did something bad happen this year? It's actually been a pretty cool year for me. I'm trying to think.

0:28:56 Tom: Yeah, it's been pretty chill. Yeah.

0:29:00 Eli: Would you guys just be bad parents? Is that what it was?

0:29:02 Thomas: Just bad weather.

0:29:03 Eli: You guys were just like, yeah.

0:29:03 Thomas: Yeah, I don't know. Just, you know, it'S a little hot. I don't knOw. The, yeah, the,

0:29:08 Eli: Little warm out in California. New house. New house. You know what it is? Hey, Tom, have you noticed Thomas is a real fucking bitch? Like, he's just like, it's been a hard year for me. Won't even say what's the matter

0:29:17 Tom: That's actually on my notes too you've got that on your notes. I've got that on my notes.

0:29:19 Eli: Yeah yeah he won't even say. That's the thing, he's like, he does that really weird passive-aggressive thing. Like, "I don't want to talk about it." Okay, I talked about what was bothering me, Thomas.

0:29:29 Thomas: I really think I embody both things, which is that I'm mourning, but also enjoying as much as possible and looking forward to other phases. Because I will say, as a connoisseur, like I'm Heath enjoying a fine wine, the peak kid vintage for me, for my taste. We could, we could compare notes, tasting notes. For my taste, a year and a half, maybe, maybe a year and half into like almost late ones. That is, oh, that is the vintage right there. That isn't one because they're so fucking cute. Yeah. What do you think?

0:30:03 Eli: Interesting, Tom. I was gonna ask, Tom, what are your, what are your thoughts, what's the primo vintage, because you've experienced far more vintages than us. Yeah, he's like all of them out of the house and there's a single text message that says "fine" on my phone.

0:30:11 Thomas: 20 when they move out. There

0:30:19 Tom: No, when they all leave, the plan is to, is call them over Skype using a foreign VPN and a green screen background so they can't trace our location. It's right there

0:30:26 Eli: Obviously. Yeah, I don't if they wanna hear from you, they can check out Talking Ship over on iTunes and wherever else you, you get your podcasts, then

0:30:33 Thomas: You go.

0:30:34 Tom: You go. Just if the kids are patrons, then you know, maybe we'll respond to their comments. Yeah.

0:30:39 Eli: You will still love them.

0:30:40 Tom: Well, I don't go that far. It's

0:30:42 Thomas: I don't think they're going to be patrons.

0:30:43 Tom: It's funny because like, I, are all so different. Like I said, I, Finn, I loved Finn as a baby, and I love Finn, is, like like, as a toddler he was great. He was great in his early elementary years. I had so much fun with Finn and being Finn's dad when he was little. And I will say with Finn, because he was such an easy, good natured, you know, I felt super competent, like I felt like the most competent dad ever.

0:31:07 Thomas: Right. Yeah.

0:31:07 Tom: Eamon was tough. I, like, did not like his baby years at all. The first year and a half of his life, very, very difficult, not real fun. Like, didn't have those, like, you gummy smiles and the, you know, silly baby laughs, and you know, all that stuff, and like the naps on your chest, and the, you know, excitement of, like, know, playing you tummy time with him, all that stuff that I really enjoyed with Finn, you, holding hands and like going to the park, it, like, was, that was tough with him, and he was, it was a much tougher experience. So it's just, it's, it's been very different kid to kid. It's hard for me to say which has been the best, because for the most part, like I, and I really do mean this, for the most part, each one of those, like, is gilded and shat upon. Right, there's part of being a baby I don't miss at all, though. I don't miss changing a diaper, I don't miss having to deal with like

0:31:54 Thomas: See, that's irrelevant to me. You know, like I can't.

0:31:57 Tom: Yeah. It's not to me though. Like I maybe yeah I

0:31:58 Eli: Why are

0:31:59 Thomas: I oh, I've changed some doozies. No, don't get me wrong. That fucking whole boy. But one of those things where it just doesn't register as you know, like that that side of the the lead. What am I trying to let ledger? That was weird.

0:32:00 Tom: Uh, yeah. Right. Ledger. Mm.

0:32:10 Thomas: My mind went to register because I just said register. And I was like, that'S not that can't be right. That side of of the ledger.

0:32:13 Tom: It's not a word.

0:32:16 Eli: All your terms 16th century like Ebenezer Scrooge -isms is probably... No, I'm not trying to mimeograph this for you. I'm trying to... Look, I -I'm no...

0:32:21 Thomas: That side of the ledger just doesn't A facsimile, I

0:32:27 Eli: I'm no Queen's haberdasher. I'M TRYING TO SPEAK -PLAIN SPEAK TO YOU. ONE MAN And to another, except for Fagin the Jew.

0:32:27 Thomas: Say, of the, yeah.

0:32:37 Eli: That's it. That's all my Dickens references.

0:32:38 Thomas: What the hell was I trying to say? I was trying to say, yeah, that side of a ledger, just doesn't really, I don't even, it's like invisible ink. I, at the time, I'm like, oh, this diaper. Oh my God. And I forget about it.

0:32:44 Tom: Right. Yeah. I guess, you know, like having been away from that for a hot minute now, I look back at that and I was like, yeah, in the moment it was just the work that needed to be done, right? And I I felt that way when it was going on, but like, now that I have like the benefit of some distance and some time, I think that was like fine for the place and time that I was in then, but like, I would not go back to that. Willingly I Would you know, I Just but I also would like, like the idea of having a baby right now is so anathema to where I'm at in my life, you know?

0:33:10 Thomas: Well, Yeah, You shouldn't be changing his diaper now, hopefully. He can change his own fucking diapers. Yeah, Yeah,

0:33:22 Tom: But I'm a lot older than you guys, you know, I'm 46 years old this year, so So, you know, the idea of having a baby baby sounds just fucking mind numbing.

0:33:25 Eli: So old.

0:33:29 Thomas: I mean, you should be having grandchildren, but yeah, yeah.

0:33:32 Eli: Yeah. Have you considered having grandchildren?

0:33:33 Thomas: No,

0:33:34 Tom: So I do think that there's something about that, too, that.

0:33:38 Thomas: That's healthy. I think Tom, you're probably taking the most healthy approach. I agree, but like, I'm trying to balance, I think we are three bears in it because I'm trying to bounce my inner Eli and Tom and get the best of both, and then meanwhile Eli's just, I don't even know what to say. Eli's...

0:33:38 Tom: Yeah. Yeah,

0:33:52 Eli: Mentally unwell. Mentally unwell. Ill. I

0:33:57 Thomas: No, but I don't want to lose track. Was to the school story, Eli? Are you worried about...

0:34:02 Eli: Was just sort of talking about the experience and wanted to give

0:34:04 Thomas: Okay, so there wasn' t like a bad... lt sure how much we were going to keep in, but I thought it might... s actually a perfect framing for the episode because you get interrupted by a call that took longer than when my kid was killed by my school, which I don't know if that's good about you or yeah

0:34:05 Tom: Yeah, it is.

0:34:16 Eli: Us... exactly. Well, sorry my son is strong and not allergic to bullshit. Like your fucking peanut pussy kid is, by the way, I, of your peanut pussy kid, I now, because of Arlo, I know that like sunflower butter is not a safety thing and sesame is not the safety thing in the same way. And so I check allergy products and real quick, cause I will come back to what I was going to say real quick. We did like a last play date with all the preschool kids and there are two kids who Who have super strong. Their pussies. And they

0:34:20 Thomas: Not for him Eli just crying his eyes out this entire time, like everybody else is like, it's fine you're just

0:34:54 Eli: Also have. Really was.

0:34:52 Tom: I'm gonna miss you little Jim I'm gonna miss you so much

0:34:55 Thomas: Yeah

0:34:56 Eli: They. All of the kids were like. You're doing. Because everyone can tell. The problem about being. Just a worthless piece of shit. That I am. Is that everyone's always aware. When I'm doing a bit. And even though I'm like. Huh. Isn't it so funny. That I'm not doing a shit. I'm just doing a little bit right now. Everyone's like. Yeah. You can just stop though. We're all. Living in. In the present moment. It's Like. Like being Mir Abed from Community in that that's a fun thing to watch, but no one would like that to be in their life. And that's what I was like at the play date. I was really going to miss you, little Susie. And she was like, I'm too, man. I have no fucking paradigm for this. Are you a pedophile? The only way you could miss me is if you've been hoping to have sex with me. So bear spray.

0:35:38 Tom: Jesus Christ what is happening right

0:35:40 Eli: But anyways, allergy pussies is what I'm saying. The two kids are allergy puses. And I checked and one of the quote-unquote allergy safe things had the allergies in it and so when the parents came in I was like, hey, just so you know, these have sesame in them, uh, though they're like listed as allergy safe. One of the kids, I don't memorize their allergies because there's a million of them, but was was had, and she was like, oh my gosh, thank you so much, and I was like there you go T-Dog little show called where there's speaking of podcasts we do with our wives and not Eli little

0:35:31 Thomas: Yeah, oh god oh wow oh

0:35:40 Tom: Now oh

0:36:03 Thomas: That's awesome man yeah no seriously yeah well

0:36:07 Tom: Wow

0:36:11 Eli: Show called where there's woke

0:36:12 Thomas: That I think that might might've been on SIO, but yeah, sure.

0:36:13 Eli: SIO serious inquiries only filled me in on that one it's

0:36:16 Thomas: Yeah. No, I re I really appreciate that. Like, honestly, as this thing is just so fucking terrifying to live with. So just knowing there's one more person kind of looking out is really seriously, that means a lot to me.

0:36:27 Tom: Yeah that's awesome actually

0:36:28 Eli: So easy like so easy to take care of an allergy pussy kid you just turn over a thing and read read a paragraph you

0:36:33 Thomas: Mean, we prefer that you don't, you know, like we're not super cool with the terminology you're using, but you know like, it's like, you got your allies or your allies.

0:36:36 Tom: Yeah

0:36:40 Eli: You take it wins and you take your losses you don't you have the yes

0:36:41 Tom: Right

0:36:42 Thomas: It's like one of those Southern Democrats that we still were caucusing with, you know, Robert

0:36:45 Eli: Exactly yes exactly I'm I am the what's her name Kirsten Gillibrand of

0:36:50 Thomas: Byrd. Oh, that, oh, I was going old timey, but yeah, no, you're way better than that. Do the opposite. They would actually say nice things and then they'd poison my kid with a thing.

0:36:54 Eli: Of this thing then they put inject sesame into them yeah uh in I have a pocket full of sesame seeds that I'm carrying in case Arlo ever fucks with me I just throw them at him uh but I it'll probably not be in the text of the podcast but so I have spent all day today, as we are recording this, in this time dimension, it Max's first day at this school. And so I, of course, have spent the whole day just in terror that he's hating it and that he has been in the corner of the room sobbing while all the other kids point and sing a song about it. Jew boy, Jew boy.

We know where you are from. Um so as we were doing our record I got a call and I was like here it is they they sang the Jew boy song and then they strung him up to the menorah and I have to come get him but I have to fight the security guard because he actually thinks they had a pretty solid point about the menorach so I'm just filled with terror and I'm I literally stopped the record I'm like hey guys sorry I gotta answer this and it's the nurse he just fell and hit his head which by the way weird vibe to be like oh thank god he just fell down. Nice.

0:37:00 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, oh god oh god yeah

0:37:36 Tom: What the fuck man

0:38:03 Eli: Cool. Yeah. Fucking awesome. Oh, I'm so relieved.

0:38:03 Thomas: Yeah this sounds like the kind of thing you would roast me for forever I just got a call from the daycare and they just fell on his head

0:38:07 Eli: Yeah, they hit her head and they asked me to come in, but I just can't do it. I can't be there. And you know, it's fine.

0:38:12 Tom: It's just as had nothing important he didn't

0:38:15 Eli: I called an Uber and he's going to take the Uber to the hospital and then they'll let me know what's going on. But

0:38:11 Thomas: Yeah wait

0:38:15 Tom: Fall on a peanut he's fucking fine

0:38:21 Thomas: Need Tom to do Tom's impression of Eli doing Tom sometime, just to complete the... I do

0:38:24 Eli: Oh yeah. Tom, I need you to do me doing you doing Thomas.

0:38:27 Thomas: Eli doing me when I do my monologue.

0:38:31 Eli: People say we all all fuck each other, and I think this is as close as we ever get is doing us doing in person that's true, see

0:38:35 Thomas: Tom's not fucking us, let's be real.

0:38:37 Tom: I'm Tom, that's what you sound like when you do

0:38:39 Thomas: Whoa! Which

0:38:39 Eli: There we go that was good, indefinable, unable to say, uh, but we got a call, and yeah, aside from him hitting his head, and I was like, "Oh no, he's fine," and she was like, "Yeah, he's fine, now he just fell and hit his head." I'm like, "Nice, nice, nice," so how's the day been going, and she was good, and I'm so glad, so Anna is picking him up now, and apparently, unless the nurse was lying to me to keep me calm, that he is apparently enjoying it, so once

0:38:40 Thomas: One of you was that?

0:38:52 Tom: That's just his head now do they require him to come home

0:39:06 Thomas: Yeah, I was going to say, was that a pickup because of the fall, or just it's time...

0:39:06 Tom: Right Oh.

0:39:08 Eli: No no it's just pickup time, no they called me, and they were like, when you come pick him up, we'll see ya he's dead we'll come get the, if you come get the body, we've gently sprinkled his body with sesame seeds so that you can, uh, so you have a good excuse for the insurance but yeah, uh, it sounds good, and next week I will fill you all in on, uh, how that continues to go. I have a feeling, as with, with all things, being on the side of the bears that I am, that I will continue to be scared and remember only the bad things and then I'll be dead.

0:39:10 Tom: Okay. Okay. All Right. Right. Oh shit

0:39:10 Thomas: Oh, okay. He's dead. Yeah. Oh. Oh, he'll be draped in an American flag. Yeah, that Arlo won't take it. Yeah.

0:39:38 Thomas: Well, it sounds like you're more of the issue. So how are you doing, buddy? That's what we need to.

0:39:42 Eli: I, you know, just take a bunch of pills and they...

0:39:44 Thomas: I'm going to get a call from Noah.

0:39:45 Eli: Anna?

0:39:45 Tom: Well How's Anna deal with it? What?

0:39:45 Thomas: That's like, come pick up Eli Thomas.

0:39:49 Eli: Is so incredibly strong and just kinda does what needs to be done.

0:40:02 Thomas: She could kick your ass.

0:40:03 Eli: It's, going, she can lift me up, um, and the way they kiss, those, are the two things. No, but my, whenever bad shit would happen, my dad was like,

0:40:08 Tom: It, cradles, You,

0:40:12 Thomas: I forgot about that storyline of you dating your dad. Was that what it, people would mistake you for,

0:40:22 Tom: People

0:40:21 Eli: Yes. That My, no, People thought we were dating because I was so close to my dad, yeah, I've, we, we've covered that on past episodes, but um, the, my dad had a tendency that Anna has that is good, which is like, what needs to be done right now in crisis, right? And I am a little good at that, but like, not really, right, not with the people I trust. If I don't trust you, I seem super competent, right? I'm like, hey, what can I do, that's great. But the minute you gain an ounce of my trust, I'm like, and then, and then I hit the backspace key, but it didn't,

0:40:23 Tom: Thought you guys were dating. Yeah.

0:40:23 Thomas: Oh God.

0:40:58 Eli: Just the worst, and Anna is just, just focused on what needs to get done, and then, like, oh, trying to think of how to say this. Okay, so bad stuff happened in 2023, and Anna sort of had to be silent and also process all of that, and we just didn't talk about it, right, because we were mostly talking about what I was going through, uh, Thomas doesn't want to talk about, because he's a fucking pussy, but his, has an allergy to talking about it. But like, I don't know how many months later, like very casually she was just like, oh yeah, no, that fucking sucks. And I was like, oh yeah, cause for you too. And she was like, yes, for me too.

0:41:16 Thomas: What happened? What, what's, I don't understand. What happened, what?

0:41:21 Tom: You

0:41:36 Eli: That also sucked. Yes. You were also there as a part of, but yeah, she just, she's just a fucking, she's a champ, man. Like I, I I, wish, I know it seems like I just sort of put my wife up on a pedestal. Um. It, the strength and the fun and the excellence that she demonstrates as a parent, you know, we do our little team thing and the appreciation thing, and and one of the things that keeps coming up for us over and over again in my appreciations of her is like, and I don't mean this to sound negative, but like, my my wife is killing life, right? She is destroying life, she is doing the things she She loves, she is making

0:41:35 Tom: Also had an experience yeah,

0:41:37 Thomas: Yeah,

0:42:12 Eli: The art she wants to make. And she is an incredible mom to our son all at the same time. And I, I just sit in awe of it so much of the time.

0:42:12 Thomas: That's true. Jeez. That's a good point. If, hey, if she, if anything happens to her, do you want to get married Eli? Cause I feel like, yeah, yeah.

0:42:24 Eli: Yeah.

0:42:27 Tom: Can I, and you don't have to answer this question, like legitimately, you don't have to answer. But like when you said like you guys, you know, you're you and your family, you were going through a bunch of stuff and like you, it sort of didn't occur to you until she said something that she was also having an experience.

0:42:41 Eli: Right.

0:42:42 Tom: Not casting aspersions on that at all, like very, very much not. But is that because she just seems so competent and it's got everything put together and did not raise her hand? Is that like the experience was so overwhelming for you that like

0:42:56 Eli: It was, it was cause of the experience for me. So there was, again, without getting into details, cause we literally can't, Um, was a part of it, and this is sort of the part that was hardest for her that we eventually got to talk about. There was a part of it where it seemed like maybe I was in some danger, like some real, like, physical danger from what was going on.

0:43:14 Eli: Um, so we had to make moves as a family to like keep me safe, um, was a tremendous amount of effort, and we also had to pretend it wasn't happening and manage a work schedule around it, right? Like, we, we just had to keep fucking producing content at the same time and writing silly songs about David Ayer White's ball sack, so it was just like, it, when, whenever one family member is sick, and I know you've experienced this, illness is like, when the family member who is experiencing the emergency is going through the thing, the focus has to be there.

0:43:01 Tom: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm -hmm. Right. Right,

0:43:49 Eli: Right. And So that, that's really why that got missed out on, but yeah, it is something that I do think about quite a bit, and it's why I love the check-in, is because it does give me a chance not to miss those cues anymore, right, as I can say, "Say, hey, how you doing?" And find out, oh, today was a tough day, right? I didn't see that. I didn't see that coming.

0:43:50 Thomas: Yeah.

0:43:50 Tom: Of course. Yeah, of course. Mm -mm. Right. Ha, ha, ha.

0:44:09 Thomas: Don't know the end, oh.

0:44:12 Eli: Well, scan at her now. All right, right, gentlemen, before we go, what trees belong in a bathroom? Toilet trees.

0:44:26 Thomas: I

0:44:27 Tom: Ha, ha, ha, ha.

0:44:33 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

0:45:13 Eli: I'm sorry, this is Max's school, I'm gonna call you back in a sec, I'll be right back. Hello? I'm All right, bye. It's fine, he just fell and hit his head, yeah.

0:45:17 Tom: Okay

0:45:25 Thomas: When the school murdered Arlo, the call took less time than that, holy fucking shit. I

0:45:29 Eli: Oh my god, yeah, no, absolutely, they Uh, well,

0:45:31 Tom: Lady was like talking for such a long time like are you sure he's all right like

0:45:32 Thomas: Don't know I Know, I, I could vaguely hear "fell backwards," I was like, fuck, and then I was judging based on your voice and you're like, "Yeah."

0:45:38 Eli: Was like I Want to go over the signs of concussion with you, and I was like, oh, oh, yeah, yeah. And she was like, I'm going to go over them anyways. And I was like, fucking smart, because there's absolutely some asshole who would be like, no, no, I know about it because he won't remember who the president is. Thanks a lot.

0:45:53 Thomas: Yeah.

0:45:53 Tom: I'm tom that's