Best of Tom: How Many Pots Have You Smoken (DOD75)

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Tom: To Dear Old Dads the podcast it's perfectly safe to bin I'm John Kerry I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick hello gentlemen I

0:00:37 Eli: What's going on, you doobie smokers and, and hep cats?

0:00:40 Tom: Am looking forward to this episode I don't know that I'll be the crazy person on this episode, but I will definitely be the unbelievably uncool person on this episode. So that's great. That's a nice, that'll be good.

0:00:45 Eli: Yeah, you know, the Tom special, if you will. We're all, everyone's going to remain in their place. And I actually think, I think I'm going to be on the far other side of the crazy here, and I think we'll leave poor Thomas stuck right there in the middle.

0:00:57 Thomas: Yeah.

0:00:58 Tom: Yeah. Ha ha ha ha.

0:01:08 Thomas: Yeah, I don't even know. Yeah we'll see. I don't know what you guys have planned. We'll find out.

0:01:13 Eli: Before we get to that, you know, the only thing being stuck being the boring and the crazy person and the person in the middle without any idea what's going on, that's worse than those things? You know the Only Thing That's worse than the sentence I just constructed in an attempt to introduce the auto-ads? It's the auto ads, yes. These auto-ads, which are brought to you by the faceless Chat GPT overlords in the desperate attempt to get you to buy things while underpaying the people who made them and purchased them, pay our rent specifically, and so we have inserted them into the podcast whenever it is least convenient for you to hear them.

But have no fear, poor podcast listener, there is a way to escape these deadly auto ads, and it's by heading over to patreon.com/dearolddads all spelled out, where not only will you get a monthly bonus episode, not only will you get a parenting story (I told a nice sweet little moment I had with Max last weekend on last episode), uh, but you'll also get an ad-free version of every show. So when I pause at the end of this sentence, you'll hear absolutely nothing at all.

0:01:25 Tom: Ha ha.

0:02:23 Thomas: News, Eli. I just got word from the auto ad people. They said we have to put those in your soundboard so every time you push Push a button. The non -patrons are going to hear a quick auto -add before the ba -dum -ts.

0:02:30 Tom: Ha

0:02:28 Eli: Oh Oh You hate to hear hear it, but I'm okay with that. I'm okay with it, honestly. If I could soundboard the auto ads, I think it would still be less disquieting than their actual appearances in our podcasts. All right, gentlemen, today we're talking about drugs, uh, and, and I thought I would kick us off with a fun little story. Um, we had the Detroit live show a couple weeks ago for God Awful Movies, lovely lovely show. Lovely folks were there, but we also had had a friend in the area who had never done shrooms before, uh, and if you've never done shrooms, they get a weird rap. Like, people will often lump them in with drugs they don't belong with. They'll be like, "Yeah, you know, hallucinogens like acid, DMT, shrooms." And that would be like saying boxers like Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, Eli Bosnick, right? Like the fact that all

0:02:37 Thomas: Yeah.

0:02:37 Tom: Ha ha.

0:03:00 Thomas: That episode fucking ruled. Everybody check it out. So good.

0:03:33 Thomas: Really?

0:03:33 Eli: Three of of those people have worn boxing gloves does not make shrooms psychedelic. No, I mean, shrooms generally speaking, unless you just do a positively massive amount of them, aren't really hallucinogens so much as they are sort of like a crystalline level of high Well,

0:03:34 Tom: Yeah.

0:03:51 Thomas: Okay. Tom and I are square. I've never done shrooms, so I didn't know this.

0:03:55 Tom: Never. No.

0:03:56 Eli: Now I know what we're doing in Matreon this year, Thomas.

0:03:57 Thomas: Maybe.

0:03:57 Tom: Well, I've got a shroom story, but yeah.

0:03:58 Eli: Oh, you've got a shroom story? Excellent. Well, I want, to I want want yours when I finish mine, so we

0:04:03 Tom: Well, mine is the worst. It's boring as hell, but But yeah,

0:04:05 Eli: Had a friend who had never done shrooms before. And look, the truth of the matter is, you know, not to advertise drugs on our show, but, by the way, do some fucking drugs. They're great. Uh, shrooms rule. If you've never done them, right, if you do a micro dose of shrooms, you're just like, "Oh my gosh, why don't I feel like this all the time?" Uh, we were like, "Yeah, come micro dose shrooms," and we have these shroom chocolate bars. Yeah, you

0:04:25 Thomas: Wait, is it, you're really doing micro -dose? I thought, okay. Thought I did an episode on that and it doesn't, the microdose doesn't really do much. Is

0:04:33 Eli: So the pseudoscience thing is that's like, hey, if I microdose, right, if I microdoze shrooms every day, it treats depression or it fucking, you know, gets the ghosts out of your blood or whatever. No, it gets you a little high, which is lovely. It's just a lovely feeling, right? Unlike weed, where if you take like one hit of weed, you're still just like high, right. You're not like, what a pleasant sensation. You're just like, oh, there's marijuana in my bloodstream. Fantastic. Fantastic, but shrooms isn't like that. It's much more clear. You sort of feel much more like yourself.

So we did it, everyone had a good time. Our friend ended up having a crazy high tolerance, which was super funny, because they had some more and we were like, okay, now you might, you might end up a little high, like, you're gonna be okay. And they were just totally fine. They were就是 like, yep, no, nothing, I am the Iron Man and this does not affect me. But it was a lovely time, but and we have them in these chocolate bars that are made in a legal state now, so they're like made by a, a person who knows their dosage and does

0:04:37 Thomas: Oh, treating. Yeah. Gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay. Good reminder. Gotcha right.

0:04:46 Tom: Eli

0:05:30 Thomas: Right.

0:05:31 Eli: It smartly and all that stuff. It's not the day where you're just like buying something for your brother's friend and being like, hope they're not poison, fingers crossed, anymore.

0:05:31 Thomas: Important. Yeah how does this, does this combine with this, you know, medication that you're having to take?

0:05:43 Eli: Don't want to give medical advice on air.

0:05:46 Thomas: Yeah, That's a a good point

0:05:47 Eli: What I will say is what my doctor told me is that because shrooms activate a different chemical than most drugs do, I didn't have to worry about it unless I was taking, like, crazy high, high Terence McNally-level doses. Don't

0:05:47 Thomas: Okay. Okay.

0:06:00 Thomas: Don't take that as a medical advice, anyone. That's just an anecdote about What What

0:06:03 Eli: Take a drink a whole bottle of Tylenol. Whatever. Talk to your doctor about whether shrooms are right for you. Yeah.

0:06:07 Thomas: Eli's experience Okay.

0:06:08 Tom: Just said you can take shrooms no matter what medicine you're on. OK, just clarifying point. Yeah, good.

0:06:11 Eli: Exactly. There you go. Exactly. We've reached all the all the levels. Um, but yeah, no, my doctor was like, "Yep, you should be fine on those," and indeed I was. Um, it meant that we had, like, just bits of leftover chocolate shroom bar when we We got home and, like, I didn't really want to freeze them because we have plenty and we didn't really want, like, them out piecemeal. You know what I'm saying? Cause you can always give them to friends and stuff, but these were, like, half eaten. Right. So the sort of gift opportunity is gone. So I had the brilliant idea.

I'm looking at the back of them and I'm like, huh, I did not realize these are made with vegan chocolate. And my wife was like, yeah, no, they're made with the vegan chocolate, got the allergy thing. I was like, like, cool, cool, I should just do the rest of the drugs tonight. And Anna was like, you want to just eat the rest to the drugs? And I was like, yeah, you're here, Kirsten our nanny is here, like, we're fine if I get super high. Uh, I get súper high and my friends, they should put a warning on all drugs that just says, dosage: the rest of never. Okay, because I way

0:06:51 Thomas: The

0:07:15 Eli: Too much drugs. Way too much drugs. Now, I will say, I, I firmly believe that you are at a, I am at a point in my life where when I do way too many drugs, it's just not that bad an experience anymore. Right? When you're young, you're not super confident in who you are, maybe you deal with anxiety issues, maybe you got, you know, horrible stuff going on in your life, I'm not here to tell you what you're dealing with. My life, pretty fucking great. So when I'm too high, I'm just too high. That's all that's going on for me, but

0:07:14 Thomas: Rest Wow, that's good

0:07:43 Tom: What? Yeah. Tell me what too high on mushrooms feels like.

0:07:46 Eli: It is just so, it is a serotonin dump, constant serotonine dump with thoughts flying through your head. So it's like all the joy of your wedding day and parachuting and seeing your enemies brought low before you

0:07:57 Thomas: Oh. Okay. I probably can't do these. I'm already, yeah. So this is like taking uh, what I take for ADHD.

0:08:05 Eli: Right right right Yeah, possibly, possibly.

0:08:11 Thomas: Yeah, I probably can't do that. Okay.

0:08:12 Eli: Um, all of that.

0:08:13 Tom: Thomas takes a bunch of mushrooms and sits down and edits. That's, that's, ah, a

0:08:16 Thomas: Yeah.

0:08:14 Eli: Right. Exactly. Plus like all the deepest thoughts you've ever had are racist, but you're so high you don't say any of them, so your brain is just like, and this is connected to that, and this person over here is, and you know what I've realized, to forgive my third grade teacher for saying that fat people always write on the slide of the last, right? Because, right, and but all of it's going through your head 10 000 times faster than you you can enunciate, and you're literally, you're just gripping onto stuff with the sheer, like, g force of narcotic that is going through your system so

0:08:46 Thomas: Sounds like my every day. I'll be honest. Have you ever heard one of my podcasts?

0:08:49 Eli: Just be possibly the experience of being Thomas. I may have just been Thomas for a little bit. Yeah, how fat were you? Like, here's my question: did you notice yourself getting super fat at any point last weekend?

0:08:58 Thomas: Whoa. I did feel like I transported into the state of New Jersey for a moment the other night. Yeah. I been, but

0:09:08 Eli: There you go. See, see, it's all coming together. Freaky Friday. I, so I, I'm super high. We put Max to bed super high, I am so high I can't remember any of his songs, and I'm cracking up at it, and he's looking at me like, what the fuck is, because I'm like, yeah, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle.

0:09:08 Thomas: Yeah.

0:09:14 Tom: Thousand

0:09:21 Thomas: That's great.

0:09:31 Eli: Hey, guess what? Free.

0:09:30 Thomas: There's not a Patreon amount in the world I wouldn't pay just to get that content.

0:09:36 Eli: Free.

0:09:35 Tom: Percent with her with you.

0:09:36 Eli: It's upstairs in the freezer. I could just eat it now and by the time the show's over

0:09:40 Tom: Finish

0:09:39 Thomas: I mean the recording of you trying to sing like the songs.

0:09:40 Tom: The show.

0:09:40 Eli: Oh yeah, just completely blasted at one point. We put him to bed at one moment, we get downstairs and I had forgotten the word for fur coat and Anna was like, "You mean a fur coat?" And when I realized that the word I had forgot was fur coat, I started scream crying with laughter just like that, like high pitched breath. I crawled out of the room to get away from her because I couldn't look at her because of how high I was. Um, but all of that, all of that, and it was a lovely experience. Uh, another reason I recommend shrooms and talk to your doctor, drink a whole bottle of Tylenol, is because you don't get a hangover the next day. Um, of the thing that it does to your brain is not the thing that, like, weed and alcohol do, so the next day you just feel fucking great. Um, rules like

0:09:59 Tom: Ah, yeah,

0:10:27 Thomas: Sounds like everyone should be on these all the time.

0:10:30 Tom: I don't know. I'm gonna, I'm going to have to take a break from the show and go do shrooms.

0:10:32 Thomas: Also, did your dick grow longer?

0:10:35 Eli: Definitely not that. At one point, at one point Anna Kate, like reached over me while I was super high and I thought she was like attempting to mount me for some sexy time and I was like, "No, I do not consent." She was like, "Relax, fucking Horatio, I'm just getting the water glass behind you." But all my drug experience aside, so everyone, by the way, do a bunch of shrooms, but at my drug experiences side, this reminded me of a question from, from our last Q&A in May, from Kaolan314, who asks, I was wondering, what will be your approach to your children with drugs and alcohol? It may be different in the US, but like here in Northern Ireland, I remember being younger and many people around me drinking a lot, even though we were only 13 or 14. And if you catch your child being like paralytic, that means super drunk in British, how would you respond? Bond, so I thought that might be a, would be a good, uh, kickoff for this week's episode.

0:10:39 Thomas: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Huh.

0:11:36 Tom: Yikes. Yeah, no.

0:11:37 Eli: But apparently I was wrong.

0:11:37 Thomas: Yeah, go ahead, Tom. No.

0:11:39 Eli: Never fucking mind. I'm still I I haven't done an episode

0:11:40 Tom: I, it's, well

0:11:42 Thomas: Still high. You're in the trip, Eli. This is part of the trip. We're not here. You need to still come up with the rest of the episode because this is all in your mind.

0:11:49 Eli: I

0:11:48 Tom: So I, I will add my, my most boring shroom story, but it probably informs my answer, so I'll, I'll throw it in there. So when I was in college, um, I was the biggest fucking square in the world. Like, it's just like, I didn't even know none of my friends, like, I had friends that smoked weed and they just wouldn't smoke weed around me because they were worried that, like, I would not want them to or something, I don't know. Like, they were just like, "I don't know, man, we just, it just didn't seem like something you'd be into." And I was, was like, well, I don't, what?

0:12:19 Tom: Like, and like, I was like I don't care at all.

0:12:08 Thomas: Oh, wow. Was you narc? Oh. Just like an over. The best

0:12:18 Eli: Get it I absolutely get it. I

0:12:23 Tom: Like, I found out, like, no.

0:12:23 Thomas: Part of that is you're not a narc. Like this wasn't like they're worried about getting caught. This was truly just like I don't know man. I don't think he's the guy

0:12:28 Tom: No! It just kind of made them, like they're just like, we're just not around Tom. And I was like, wait, what?! And we're talking about, like my very best friend and his long-term girlfriend and the three of us hung out every single day. And they were getting high all the time and I had no idea. I had no fucking idea. For years!

0:12:46 Eli: Totally. Get It, I Getting high near Tom feels like getting high near a soldier's coffin. Like, it doesn't, it just doesn't feel good. It does. This is not the place for that.

0:12:54 Tom: So, Yeah, like, like, so had I had a good friend of mine when I was in college and I had expressed an interest in trying shrooms, um, like, this is unsurprising, but like, I worked full -time I went to school full -term I had very little free time, and so, but I really wanted to try shrooms, and so I talked to my buddy Doug, and I'm like, I really want to try these, and he's like, well, I can get them, it's no problem, if you want to try them, let me know. Got, he got a hold of some shrooms, and he's like, yeah, I've got him, he's like, when do you want to do them? I'm like, I don't know, let me figure it out.

And so I find, found a day, and I scheduled a day off of work, and like, so this is Tom, right? So I've said I'm in college I'm like Well, Hold on, let Me get on my, let me clear my calendar. So I had to clear my fucking calendar so I could go to my buddy Doug's house and not have any responsibilities that day, and I was going to do shrooms, and so I went to his house, and he lived next door to a pizza place, we got these mushrooms, we put them on some pizza, we ate them. And I was so excited. I had scheduled, I cleared my fucking calendar to do these fucking shrooms and something, something, they didn't work. I

0:13:32 Thomas: That's good though, that's

0:13:57 Eli: Yeah.

0:13:57 Tom: Felt nothing the whole time. And I was like, but this was my chance. Like I had to take a day off of work. I had a schedule shit. I didn't make sure I didn'T have homework. Like, I can'T. It'S NOT LIKE THESE DIDN'T WORK. I 'LL TRY IT AGAIN TOMORROW. LIKE, I NEVER TRIED THEM AGAIN Cause I just never had the fucking time to try fucking

0:14:00 Eli: Until

0:14:03 Thomas: Yeah,

0:14:15 Eli: The Next time I'm in your state, Tom, then you're gonna try him Again.

0:14:16 Tom: Sure. Well, that's the thing is I would love to try them now. Right. Because now my kids aren't little. I have actually like it's E I still have to schedule it. Um, it's actually easier for me to schedule time now than it was when I was in college.

0:14:30 Thomas: I'm Just imagining Tom back then, like, no, it is unacceptable that I didn't get high. He's just huffing every chemical beneath the sink. What does, can Baking Soda Make you high? Can baking, so did, does that anything, and it's a white powder, does it? I

0:14:37 Eli: He's Bringing It to His Friend

0:14:37 Tom: I was so disappointed. Don't remember what we did instead, but I remember I was like, shouldn't something happen? Like, shouldn't I notice some effect and no effect ever took place.

0:14:50 Eli: Sorry.

0:14:50 Thomas: Was like, well, guess I have to have my first homosexual experience. All right, rules are rules. I Took The day off.

0:14:53 Tom: The day's

0:14:55 Eli: Chris I had I had Two things on this year's to-do list, so I'm, I'm sucking that dick.

0:14:57 Tom: Off guys, we're doing something. I didn'd do drugs of any kind. This is what kind of would inform my answer here. I didn'T do drugs have any kind of smoke weed until like, I smoked weed one time with a friend. It It didn't work. Didn't feel anything. Then I smoked again. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Like, I smoked it again. I got high.

0:15:15 Thomas: The Weed Was Broken. I Think

0:15:21 Tom: It was kind of fun, I guess.

0:15:21 Thomas: It's Sort Of like how Tom Bombadil is not affected by the Ring of Saran, you know, like you just, you've seen too much, Tom, like when you've been chased by a fucking fucking snapping turtle, you know, at the brink. It's just drugs need to do Tom. Really? That's the.

0:15:25 Eli: Yes. Yes. Yes.

0:15:36 Tom: Well, so most of my drug experiences took place, and they've been very, very, very few. They took place as a full -grown adult. So I'm just backing my way into saying I didn'T do drugs in high school or college. So at all really. And so I didn't actually have any experiences with drugs as a young person at all. So I feel actually really ill -equipped even though my kids are at an age where this is relevant. I feel really ill equipped to answer that question because I just don't have, and I didn't drink either. So like I didn'T have any experience there.

0:16:07 Thomas: Oh, wow. OK, I can't imagine a you not drinking. That's a whole different. Were you even you? No, I'm just kidding.

0:16:12 Tom: I was the worst drinker ever. I didn't drink at all until I was, uh, I drank one time in my buddy's basement. I drank three beers in my body's basement to try to feel something. And I was like, yeah, maybe something, I don't know. And then it wasn't until like, well, after I was 21 that I would drink. 'Cause I just didn't drank. I didn't have like, I didn't go to parties and stuff. It wasn't, it just wasn't my scene. So it wasn't until well after I was 21, and then I was a terrible drinker. So I would drink very, very quickly, like, because I just do.

0:16:41 Thomas: Oh yeah.

0:16:42 Tom: Like when I drink, I don't drink anything, any liquid all day, and then I get liquid and I drink like, so I drink very quickly and I would get wildly drunk and then I would get sick and I, and I get all tired and logy and I'm like, this isn't fun, and so I just didn't like to drink at all until like into my 30s where I learned how to drink at a pace that provided an effect that wasn't miserable and I couldn't understand why, why anyone would drink.

0:16:51 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

0:17:05 Eli: I'm Just picturing 22 -Year -Old Tom being like, Oh, can I try that scotch? Yeah, no, I heard it's a good year. Put it in my Gatorade sport bottle so I can squirt it into my mouth at maximum speed.

0:17:17 Thomas: Well, I think your rule with your kids, Tom, should be you got to give me a hit of it since you haven't ever, you You know, like, that's the rules. I take the first hit.

0:17:23 Eli: Yeah. You should do like a scared not straight.

0:17:26 Tom: So I, I I've certainly smoked. I've certainly smoked pot. I did ecstasy. I'm done Coke. Um, as

0:17:31 Thomas: Oh, okay. Well, then I'm the only square.

0:17:33 Tom: It, but all as an adult, all as, all, as an and, you know, ecstacy all of twice Coke, I think is boring. I don't get it. Um and pot I haven't smoked in six years.

0:17:41 Thomas: Whoa. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that about Coke. I'm not an expert on Coke, but yeah.

0:17:47 Eli: I was going to say, I also think the Coke didn't work, Tom. I don't know how to tell you this.

0:17:52 Thomas: Coke is boring.

0:17:53 Tom: I don't understand the appeal of it at all. Yeah. I didn't, I, I, I don't understand the appeal of, I went, I have, I have a buddy of mine that does Coke fairly frequently. So I've hung out with him a number of times and he's like, Hey, and I'm like, sure. Yeah, whatever. And I'm just like, I dunno, this is nothing.

0:17:54 Thomas: Wow.

0:18:07 Tom: And I went to sleep like, it

0:18:06 Thomas: Now, I'm just picturing all the famous times throughout history where Coke is like the main story. You know? Wall Street in the 80s. The film industry. And there's one Tom. They're like, dude, can we just like, let's just trade modestly. Like let's do, yeah. I don't need to, we don't needs to, you're making all the like sensible decisions still. Everyone else is coked up. No, let us just produce a good film. Solid, you know, story and script.

0:18:18 Eli: Not for me.

0:18:21 Tom: Doesn't feel like anything.

0:18:28 Eli: Just just a prequel to Scarface where he walks into Al Pacino's office, "Hey, um, the uh, Sandinistas are on their way, so I'm gonna head out, um can I use you as a reference?" You know, you, you're fucking your sister, so you fuck your, I'm in a, I brought the jeep, so yep.

0:18:29 Thomas: No! I gotta do

0:18:44 Tom: I will say though, that ecstasy was the absolute best. It lives up to its name. Ecstasy. Ecstacy was like, there's, there was every, there in a way that, like, shocked me how pleasant it was, it was awesome, genuinely awesome, it's it's the best

0:18:53 Thomas: More drugs, the

0:18:50 Eli: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the guy who made it thought he had cured existence.

0:19:06 Thomas: World, yeah.

0:19:06 Eli: Literally, he was, like, for years he was just, just like, "No, can we just run a test where someone does it every day, all day, and we see if maybe people just have the ability to be happy all the time?" And they were like, "You gotta stop, man, you do have to stop."

0:19:07 Thomas: They put

0:19:22 Eli: They, um,

0:19:21 Thomas: Him in prison yeah she

0:19:18 Tom: Yeah would, in many ways that's my backing up, like saying I don't have a lot of experience as a young person to call back to, and my experience even as an adult is actually really numerically limited, and it's not been so, I wouldn't, I would defer more to Hayley on this because she did do drugs and stuff and she drank when she was in high school, yeah.

0:19:39 Thomas: Seems like the type no, I'm just kidding. I guess

0:19:41 Tom: She did though, and I didn't, so, like, these are experiences I didn't have as a young person, so I don't feel like really well qualified to speak to a young person's experience, does that make sense? Like I, like my adult experience at 35 is not a corollary that'

0:19:53 Eli: I

0:19:54 Thomas: Hmm. Yeah. That's interesting. So I, I don't have like any drug experience now I think about it. I guess I forgot to do drugs now. Eli is

0:20:08 Tom: S kind of where I was at in high school and college.

0:20:08 Thomas: So good to making making fun of the stereotype of me, I kind of just forgot I didn't. Oh shit. I was supposed to do drugs.

0:20:09 Tom: Yeah. Yeah.

0:20:14 Eli: Didn't So here's the thing I was gonna do drugs. Okay, so I'm supposed to do these drugs, right? But then I look over and I see that the cabinets haven't been painted, and I'm like, well, I gotta do that. So I'm

0:20:16 Thomas: Yeah. Yep and then all of a sudden I have three kids and I'm like, "Fuck, wow."

0:20:22 Eli: Right and three kids and, and, and the cabinets aren't painted, I

0:20:24 Thomas: All right. Um, I want to do some of these drugs because I do think that they're experiences that humans should have. I also, just because I don't have any like fucking religious bullshit about life, I also want, I just think that whatever, you know, whatever good experiences humans can have, like, why not, fucking, whatever? It's all nothing. We're going to be, you know, so I don't I just haven't. I also don't know. A little bit of a safety thing for me. Like, I don'T have the information to know exactly what's safe, especially considering some of the like mental health challenges I've had. So I think that's a bit why I've not really sought it out much, you know, is just like, do I want to fuck with what's already kind of working right now?

You know, so, Yeah, but I would love to. But I was, the thing I was going to say, though, is I'm thinking back and I had some truly, truly regrettable drinking experiences at a decently young age. In think I told the story, the one time I got to a party in high school, and that certainly also was somewhat regrettable, but within the normal range of, we were all high schoolers drinking, so it wasn't any better or worse than anybody else there. But, like, I reason I bring it up is I actually think this could be another one of those things where the fucking conservative position of, let's just not ever talk about it and hope the kids don't, you know, find it

0:20:48 Eli: Sure. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

0:21:47 Thomas: Is a really bad idea because I could have used some fucking perspective on something like drinking. I really could have, because it, and I don't know what, you know, this is obviously a combination of factors that go into, like, this bad experiences I had, you know, there's a lot of, a lot of stuff going on with me mentally at that time, a lot of, you know, there's all kinds of reasons, but I really do think that it could not have hurt to have stuff like drinking and drugs be more of an addressed issue in my, you, you know, something that I had more information on, had more perspective on from my parents or whatever, from, from the role models, to where it would have, I think it could have only helped, you know? To be a little more prepared for that. I don't think we serve our kids well by trying to pretend these scary things don't exist, you know.

0:21:50 Eli: Well, And, and that brings me right to my second question, which is, what did your parents tell you about drugs specifically, your dad's, like, what was, I imagine your parents were both pretty draconian, but, like, what was the policy? Did they ever talk to you about them? Was it just an unspoken thing that you would get in trouble for? What was the story there?

0:22:53 Thomas: Well, keeping in mind that, like, I wasn't, they didn't even let me go to someone's house without first talking to their parents and making sure they would be there, and I guess I can't tell you for sure what particular thing they were trying to prevent with that, but it definitely was more of an unspoken, like, yeah, that the, the, the implication being you're not allowed to do fucking anything, you know, like any, any of the, like, sex, drugs, rock and roll, any of that stuff was part of what they were preventing. So for me it was pretty, but the funny thing is, my dad also wasn't, he was not a, like, a religious conservative. So, like, he mentioned, I, and I don't have a good sense of when, and maybe it wasn't until later where he'd mentioned anything like what, you know, that he had smoked pot or had done. And yeah, it probably wasn't till later. So it was mainly, it was mostly unstated and very clearly by implication. I'm not to do anything. That's not fucking the, what a straight and narrow of whatever, you

0:23:46 Tom: My dad, we don't think that we ever talked about, we never talked about anything, like we never talked about sex, drugs, or rock and roll. Right. We never we we

0:23:52 Thomas: Haven't ever spoken to of my debt.

0:23:53 Eli: No, he drew you those pictures of the labia majora and menorah.

0:23:55 Tom: No.

0:23:55 Thomas: I'm going to think of it. I can't think of what his voice sounds like. Do I, have I had a conversation with her?

0:24:01 Tom: We like he never Yeah, he never brought up drugs Uh, I, my dad didn't drink, so my dad's not like a sit around and have a beer and watch the game guy. My dad doesn't drink, so I mean, when I say that, I don't mean that he's a complete teetotaler. I've seen him have a glass glass of wine on like Thanksgiving or something. But like, that's kind of it. I I turned 21 and I was living with him, I think maybe once or twice he would like out and buy the pre-made margarita mix. And we'd all have like a margarida in a short glass, you know, but I've never seen him drunk. I don't know

0:24:05 Thomas: Oh, wow. Oh, okay. Nice. God, talk

0:24:37 Tom: That he's ever been drunk.

0:24:38 Thomas: About drinking things too fast. I drink them in one gulp, Tom. We have that in common.

0:24:42 Tom: That's because they're delicious.

0:24:43 Thomas: They're so good. And then I'm like, oh, I've had my night's worth of allotted alcohol that I can have on these meds and I'm done.

0:24:44 Tom: That'S because they're delicious. Yeah.

0:24:49 Thomas: It It sucks.

0:24:50 Tom: Yeah, I can't drink at all anymore. So, yeah, I'm done. I haven't had a drink since December. So but yeah, it's never talked about it, but I always got the strong sense that it would not go well, right, that it would be deeply, deeply not cool. I was over 21, I was still living in his house, though, and I was occasionally, I'd get together with a buddy of mine and we would, we would hang out after work at my house and we would stop and buy like a six pack of beer and we'd have a couple of beers, but I just, I didn't like to get drunk because every time I got drunk I got sick, so I would drink a beer or two but I didn't like

0:24:52 Thomas: Yeah. That's amazing.

0:25:32 Thomas: Yep.

0:25:38 Tom: To the worst, like, I don't understand why anybody would, like, yeah, fine, I'll have a beer or two, because I, I actually kind of liked beer right away, the taste of it, I was like, yeah, that's something I like. But no, I, I just was not, Dad, I got a strong sense, a very, very, very strong sense that he would have disapproved and it would have been a problem. So even after 21, I was never one time ever drunk where my dad could see or know about it. I think he would be appalled.

0:26:05 Thomas: I'm serious because I'm thinking and again, thinking back, I know that you had way different experience of all this stuff than me. But I also know that, you know, you've long with depression, other mental health stuff. And when I think back to these times of my life, I just was in way too much pain to be drinking. You know, like it just was too Too much not figured out, too much intense, you mental stuff, too much pain. And I'm wondering, did you have any struggles along those lines or is that not resonate with you at all?

0:26:32 Eli: No that's, that is why I don't drink. So people, people are often very nice about it, but they sort of do like a, you don't, which is them waiting for me to fill in either that I am an ex-alcoholic or give a fucking answer to why I don't drink, because I certainly, I'm no teetotaler, um, and it's exactly because of mental health stuff. I had two absolutely terrible depressive episodes after drinking in college, and I was like, man, I, gee, I wonder if these two are related?

So then I had a couple more, four terrible depressive episodes after drinking in college, and I was like, okay, four for four, but a scientist. So then I had like three or four more terrible depresive episodes and finally got it through my head that, like, alcohol and at least my medication at the time didn't exist, so our didn't coexist. So yeah, I, I don't drink, uh, ever, um. Thomas can testify when we go to like fancy dinners that have wine pairings with them, if it smells really nice and it will be like, oh, you got to get your nose in that, and then I'll be like, smells

0:26:45 Thomas: Yeah.

0:27:06 Thomas: Just to see. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.

0:27:36 Tom: Yeah.

0:27:37 Eli: Like bad, the juice is bad, you should send that uses. I just like never developed a palette for it, which is super duper funny. Literally at this past Detroit live show, um, was backstage and he had his scotch because he drinks scotch on stage, and me and Noah, who are both teetotallers, are sitting there and we're just kind of bored. And so I go, what does scotch taste like?

0:27:59 Thomas: Yeah.

0:28:00 Eli: And so we just spent the pre -show with Heath trying to be like, no, but it's like a good smoke. It's like, it's a good smok. It's not a bad, you guys are taking it the wrong way. But yeah, I, yeah, never was a big heavy drinker. Still haven't really particularly picked it up.

0:28:18 Thomas: What about. Well, I don't want to get too personally, but I guess the I think maybe on my mind isn't so much the tangible like, oh, this reacts badly with the medication. It's more like a destructive behavior. Did you have any struggles with that at all? I was just curious because that definitely for me, I can just speak for myself if you don't mind, but that was an issue for me that I needed to not do stuff like that that could have led to kind of destructive behaviors a little bit.

0:28:34 Eli: Um, Yes. Yeah. Absolutely.

0:28:43 Thomas: It.

0:28:43 Eli: So sort of the last year before I met Anna, two, actually more like two years before I meant Anna, I was in a not super happy place in my relationship, uh, my ex's fault. I was just not in a happy place, uh, and so I was smoking a lot of weed, like everyday levels of weed, basically self-medicating with weed because my medication at the time wasn't really doing the, a trick, but, but also just like, and this is sort of the conversation that I want to have with my kids about pot, which is that, like, pot will speed up the day, right? Pot will make the day go faster and you won't get anything done, but it'll make it pass. So if you're at an unhappy place in your life and you want to make six months go by real fucking quick, you wake up, you get high, you smoke weed, weed before bed, and you never, you really don't notice how fast the time flies and

0:29:25 Thomas: Oof. That's depressing. Sweet. Is Noah in the year 50 ,000?

0:29:38 Eli: BC.

0:29:39 Thomas: He's in the future.

0:29:39 Eli: Yeah, post AD.

0:29:40 Thomas: Noah, tell us what it's like.

0:29:41 Eli: Yeah. In the future. Uh, it's all Nintendo power gloves there, um, and, and honestly I stopped smoking weed because, uh, and Anna had begun texting. Well, what a glorious time in the relationship. And I would miss her texts, right, because I was stoned.

0:29:43 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, the best. Yeah you oh you told this story, that's so sweet. Yeah, I like that.

0:29:58 Tom: Yeah.

0:29:57 Eli: Yeah. And So I just, I, I sort to stop texting, but yeah, I mean, my, my warning about pot would be that pot is, in my opinion, right, dangerous, not because it's a gateway drug and it leads you to be an addict, not because it's, you know, bad for your brain, although there is some science that suggests it's not amazing for your, inhaling smoke isn't amazing for your brand

0:29:58 Thomas: Yeah.

0:30:18 Thomas: It's not gonna be like great

0:30:19 Tom: Yeah.

0:30:19 Eli: Right. It's just, it's, it's not vitamins, um, but the, the warning that I would give, um, sort of stolen from the old Louis CK joke, which is that, like, drugs are so good they'll ruin your life, and that's, and that, I think, is a really important thing to convey to kids, is like, yeah, drugs feel great and they're really important mind-opening experiences, but if you are not ready for them, your whole life becomes drugs because you don't have a way to experience those thoughts and feelings and emotions in healthy ways yet, so you cheat and then you miss out on all the healthy ways to get those things, right?

It's kind of like letting a baby drive a car, like, I'm sure my son right now would love to drive a card, get to push on the pedals and honk the horn, but he's not ready for that experience. He doesn't have the responsibility, his brain can't handle it, right? That's kind of how I feel about drugs. I don't think there's inherently anything wrong with them, but I think that the, they need to be used in moderation is because life is supposed to go into the cracks that drugs

0:30:56 Tom: I

0:31:05 Thomas: Hmm. Interesting.

0:31:25 Eli: Will fill.

0:31:27 Tom: I feel like with the kids, um, not all the same, right? They all have to be sort of like considered. I think for me at least, like, I would exceed this to Haley in large part. They both, yeah, for sure.

0:31:34 Thomas: The kids or the drugs Okay. Yeah.

0:31:37 Tom: Both, but the drugs like, like, like I would discourage my kids from drinking fairly heavily. I think drinking is, is worse

0:31:44 Thomas: It is worse than we think as a society society, yeah.

0:31:46 Tom: Than, yeah, drinking is pretty like uniformly bad. It's, it's, it's uniformly bad for your health. It's bad for you. It's for your brain. It typically, or not typically, but it very often leads people into dangerous or destructive places.

0:31:47 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:32:00 Thomas: Especially for kids Yeah, hmm.

0:32:02 Tom: Yeah. So like I, I'm down on drinking. I don't think that they're, you know, like Eli, Eli, you said like you think that like drugs can, can offer some really important like mind-opening experiences. I don't believe that of alcohol at all. I don't think alcohol leads us to important mind-opening experiences. I think that it is an interesting and sometimes useful social lubricant and that often comes with more dangers than it does benefits. So I'm pretty down on alcohol. And this is somebody coming from somebody who spent years of his life brewing his own beer and was very interested in alcohol and spirits, that kind of stuff.

But I very much recognize the reality of that is that alcohol is just uniformly shit for you. It just is. Is. And if I'm going to try to give my kids good advice, I'm going to give them that truth, right? And then I'm also not going to be a total asshole knowing that my kids are going to come home drunk sometime. That's probably going to happen. And I want them to call me when they're out and they've had a couple of drinks and they feel unsafe. And I don't want to create a stigma around telling them, hey, here's the truth about booze.

0:32:44 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:33:11 Tom: It's just pretty shit for you, right. But also, I also fully expect that at some, some point you're going to try booze, you're going to get drunk, you're gonna go out and party with friends or whatever, and we'll talk about that term in a second, but like, you're gona go out party with friends, and if you feel like you're ever in trouble, if you don't want it, I don't want you to drive, I don't care if you're seven counties over, give me a call, no judgment, I'm there for ya, you know, so, so there's a really nuanced conversation, I think, that has to take place where it's like, yeah, look, this stuff is shit, but it's the shit that socially we've all agreed on isn't shit, and although, although that's not true. Like, we're going to, you know, we're going to have to navigate this weird middle space around alcohol. I, one of the most important things to the kind of talk to kids about is not letting them or not, not encouraging them to confuse being fucked up as a proxy for socializing and having fun. And that's

0:33:11 Thomas: I

0:33:33 Eli: Yeah.

0:34:08 Tom: Why that, like, part that, like, phrase, like, "Hey, let's party," like, you the only way, way that you can go out and socialize and have fun and your proxy for having fun really means just getting together with people and getting fucked up, that's a bad thing, that is a uniformly bad thing, yeah and

0:34:22 Eli: It's bad. And that alcohol is filling the cracks where friendship is supposed to go.

0:34:27 Tom: I know people that as adults have not figured out how to socialize without drinking or getting fucked up I know adults who synonymize socializing and getting fucked up, and they don't know how to, like, enjoy each other's company in a social setting without getting fucked up.

0:34:34 Eli: Absolutely.

0:34:43 Thomas: Might might defend alcohol a little bit. I might offend it a little, but not, not when you're a kid. I don't, I think that I totally agree with basically everything you're saying, Tom, and I think that, well, I also think that your approach, and its approach I will probably take too, I think it, it lends more credibility too. If you're like, "Hey, if you have a choice between drinking and, like, I don't know, smoking pot, maybe do, you know," I think that gives you, like, some credibility as a parent. That's not just like, you're a scold, you know, that's like, "No, never do this." You know, I think, I, I feel like that's going to be beneficial, I think, to, kids to be able to have a little more realism in your parenting there. I like that.

Cause I think I agree with you that especially for kids, alcohol is, it's got so many just negative possibilities there in terms of drinking and driving and their ability to make, choices you already in a mature way is not as high as it should be at that age. But I will say as an adult, though, I, it's not that important, but I have a little bit of a different experience of alcohol. I think that it's not about getting fucked up or, or the, like, the social lubricant thing is, is real and that is helpful for a lot of people, I think, actually, but, but I, a, about, you know, two drinks or so or whatever, like that level of that, that just that first starting to feel a little bit of, you know, that kind of feeling is a, a in life that I find pretty irreplaceable.

Like I would not, I would find it a much worse existence without, because what, for me, it's, it's, have more like a way higher emotional connection with the art that I'm consuming, you know, like truly one of my favorite things just in life is having a few drinks and, and maybe thinking about, or listening to my favorite music. It's like my, it's just truly one of the joys of my life. I couldn't imagine a life without it. And this is not, I just want to put out there that maybe having, a different approach to it, that's not, "Oh, I got to get fucked up" or kind of, or something there. I think there, is maybe a possibility for a better experience there, I guess, is all I kind put out there for me me anyway, but it's different for everybody, might not you that

0:36:37 Thomas: Way

0:36:37 Tom: I, Yeah. Don't necessarily disagree with that. I just think that like the part that I want to caution the kids against a caution, everybody against is like, I know you guys have all met like people who every time they socialize, they have to drink or they don'T know how to have fun or they have TO get fucked up in some other way. They have to do drugs or whatever. And they don't know how to have fun. They don't know how -to -have social experiences sober. That's not a world I want for my kids, right? That's not a type of person I would spend time with as a person, and that's not a world. I want with the kids because what that means is they're lacking in some emotional social skills that we can fix, right, where you can go to therapy. We can learn tools. There are other ways to gain access to those skills that don't have the downsides of alcohol and

0:36:42 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:37:18 Thomas: Or they're hurting, by the way, which is also a thing that, you know, you may need to get help with. How

0:37:26 Tom: Right. And to be honest, I want them to hang out with a better class of people than that. Like, I just am going to be blunt about that. Yeah.

0:37:33 Thomas: Dare you, sir! No. I'm just kidding with

0:37:35 Eli: Yeah.

0:37:35 Tom: I don't want them TO hang out and become people.

0:37:37 Thomas: Me. And Heath and drink some sip some Scotch, much I'm

0:37:38 Tom: Yeah. That can, I it's fine. But I could hang out with you sober and we'd still have a good time.

0:37:42 Thomas: Just joking. Oh, Of course, yeah, yeah.

0:37:45 Tom: Know, I, I've hung out with Heath and had been sober and had a great time. But what I'm talking about is the people who need to drink or need to get to do drugs in order to have a fun time. And they, they synonymize pleasure with inebriation of some kind. And that, that is something that, like, I don't want for the kids. Like I don't want that for anyone. And that's not a, a kind of person that I would want them to associate with. So that's something that I'm like really kind of caution people against. Cause like, it's like, "Hey, like let's go out and have fun" in your early twenties is often, often, that a way to say, let's go get fucked up. And then we'll figure out what we're doing once we're fucked up, right? And that's not something I want for the kids. I think that's bad thinking.

0:37:53 Thomas: Yeah.

0:38:23 Thomas: There's a lot of people in college who's, and that's their whole personality. There definitely was that where you're like, ah

0:38:29 Eli: Yeah.

0:38:29 Tom: Yeah. And they don't grow out of it either. You know, some people don't go out of them. And I think, you know, I think it's, I don't know. I don't don't want to grow out it. And then they, they're the ones that end up getting hurt, you know, or having, or losing jobs or having shallow, shitty relationships with other people because those relationships never had any depth to them

0:38:32 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Mm.

0:38:32 Eli: Yeah, and they don't, and those, and and those relationships don't last, too, right? Right? Relationships based on like a substance or a state of being, you know, you can't, and that's where, why there's always that weird, like super drunk guy at the wedding, right? Cause like, that's how he knows how to celebrate, right. Like we've all been to the lovely wedding where one guy is just like, and you're like, Jesus, what happened? And he's like, not enough friendships in high school. And you're Like, okay, well, you know, I'm sorry that happened to you, man. You know, it's

0:38:49 Thomas: -hmm, yeah. Yeah. God. Mm.

0:39:10 Tom: And that shit is increasingly less acceptable and cool as we get older, and it's increasingly less acceptable and cruel in more, like, honestly, like, the higher up the social food chain you go, the less of that you see. So

0:39:15 Eli: Yes.

0:39:27 Eli: Well, and that was not always the case. There used to be a real culture, at least when I gently brushed against corporate America. There was like a, and then the boss gets blackout drunk, and it was just like this fucking weird insane worship ritual of the boss's terrible alcohol problem. But yeah, I, I honestly think as our generation has become parents and has had, had better ideas about how to talk about alcohol and drugs that, than our parents did, we're really seeing much less abuse, you know. My, my students don't think about weed the way that I thought about weed when they, when I was a college student, right? You know, they're not, they're sort of like, "Yeah, I mean, you know, there are times for weed and there are terms not for weed," which was an, an impossible concept for me, for a really long time.

0:39:30 Tom: Right.

0:40:11 Thomas: -hm, yeah. Yeah. That's what, yeah, that that stupid fucking fucking Reagan "say no to drugs" era that we all live through really was bad. Like it just creates this unhealthy, like, "Oh no, you got to rebel to do it." Fucking do the shit out of it. Just all of it's like having that healthier, more realistic approach of like, yeah, no, maybe, maybe it'd be fun to do something now. And maybe it wouldn't be a good time to, you know? And I also like the approach that you guys are taking because I do think, and I think this is a generational thing, Eli, like you're saying, the credibility involved in trying to tell your kids, not like, "Oh, say no to drugs" or "Look at, look at this frying pan with an egg in it."

That's you like that nonsense is fucking nonsense coming at it from like a genuine place of, well, try in trying to help guide you to have, you know, the best experience that, that you could in some of these different things, like it might be a good idea to not do this or to do something different or to make sure you moderate, and it's not coming from a scolding place of, you know, moralizing place of, like, fucking "say no to drugs or else you're one of the people that the Regans want to put in," you know. It's just, it's, I think it's a lot better. Yeah.

0:40:15 Eli: Yeah.

0:40:52 Eli: And Will say that that upbringing still sticks with me quite a bit, right? Or not you did drugs put you into a pigeonhole in my mind for years, well into adulthood, right? That all the people who did drugs were this kind of people, and all the people who didn't do drugs were these kind of people, and anyone who who possibly crossed the streams, was like an exception to the rule. When the truth of the matter is, you know, whether or not you do drugs, very little to do with who you are as a person. Whether or not your job is to do drugs or not, whether or you do too much drugs or alcohol, quite a bit to do với you as a персен.

0:41:27 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. For

0:41:38 Tom: Yeah.

0:41:59 Eli: You know, and because our parents didn't tell us the difference between those two things, I think we developed really, really bad awareness of the difference between using drugs and alcohol and abusing drugs and alcohol.

0:41:59 Thomas: Sure. Yeah.

0:42:13 Tom: And I, I will say, like, just to own it, like, I have some of that, like, having grown up in the 80s and 90s, like that abstinence, that fucking DARE stuff and fucking, I guess it worked on me because I have some shit around that where I'd be like, yeah, it's like my kids were like my initial reaction when I was talking to Haley about this, like not that long ago. And my initial reaction to the idea of like my boys who are 16 and 17, like drugs or drinking is like I'm appalled, like I am viscerally appalled when tells me stories about like doing drugs as a as a young person, as a teenager, there's a part of me that like like I feel like fucking like up inside, like she is unsafe, like Like she is, she's telling me a story and I know it ends okay. Cause she's right

0:42:22 Thomas: Yeah. Well,

0:42:23 Eli: Sure.

0:43:00 Tom: Here. And I, I am coiled into a ball and I'm trying to hear the story for the funny story it is or the not funny story. It is or whatever. And inside I'm just like, I want to go like, like it makes me feel unsafe. It makes me feeling safe for her. So have that shit.

0:43:00 Eli: She's here, right, yeah.

0:43:01 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:43:17 Eli: Like Like how most people feel when you tell a story about your mom.

0:43:21 Thomas: Yeah. Well,

0:43:23 Tom: Well, yeah, I've expressed that exact thing to her and she's like, I fucking feel that same way when you tell me all kinds of stories. And I'm like, yeah.

0:43:29 Thomas: Just say no to Tom's mom as well.

0:43:32 Eli: Tom's mom, honestly, can I just say, I wish the government had spent a billion dollars on that instead.

0:43:36 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. More shirts that talked about don't get a monkey drunk instead of dare to keep your monkeys off drugs.

0:43:42 Eli: Don't, another D -A -T -M. Don't even Tom's Mom. Um

0:43:43 Thomas: Yeah.

0:43:48 Tom: So hard for me. That space is tough for me with the kids. So that's part of why I have to recognize that I might be a little more initially initially reactionary and maybe even moralistic that I don't really believe but I feel, and I kind of should hand that to somebody in my, and this is something I want to suggest to the audience too, that if that's you, if your partner is less, that that's is a time where you should like check yourself with your partner and like find that, like, okay, I'm probably wrong and I'm probably just like reactionary to this because, like, that messaging worked on me and then I didn't have good experiences as a young person. So I don't have anything to draw from. So like this has to be her world and I'll follow rather than lead or co-lead.

0:44:22 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

0:44:35 Thomas: I really want to ask you guys, because again, I haven't, this isn't something I thought about that much. I, I really am just trying to think about what led to some of these like bad, bad, just kind of bad experiences, but I certainly had some bad experiences, bad mentality about what I was doing in some key years, you know, 1920, 20, 19, 20, those years with drinking. And part of me wonders, like, would much is it appropriate to like let your kids have alcohol in a safe environment with you as a parent? Because I'll be honest, maybe it it would have helped for me to have like some safe context to think about it, you rather than I don't know.

I'm not sure what led to kind some of these bad experiences I had of just going overboard with it because it's something I wasn't familiar with and wasn't, you know, responsible about maybe on one hand, I'm sure there's going to be a lot of people reacting terribly to the idea of giving your kids alcohol. But at the same time, it's one of those like legalization arguments of like, well, they're going to either do it completely unsafely with some fucking asshole with a car that doesn't work, that they're gonna drive off a cliff or they could do it, you now, at Thanksgiving. And you're like, Like, I

0:45:41 Thomas: Don't know. Like, what's, you know?

0:45:41 Eli: Yeah well

0:45:41 Tom: Oh yeah. It's a great question. And I'll tell you what, like, I wish somebody had taught me how to drink. I'm agreeing with you. Like, I wish somebody had taught me how to drink. And I, and now that you say that, like, I'm thinking when the time comes, and I'm not there yet with either of the boys, but like, when the of time comes, I think I would like to teach them how to drink, how to, like, assess, like, have a drink, assess how you feel, and, like, do this in a really, like, square way, like, whatever, but, like, let's figure out what you're, what you feel like after one drink after, yeah.

0:45:48 Thomas: Yeah, What kind of drunk you are? Yeah.

0:46:16 Tom: What kind of drunk are you? But beyond that, like, like, how do you drink at a pace that doesn't push you into unsafe territory, because I found myself pushed into really, and I think I told you on this on the air before, I had a job where they would take us out drinking and I was in my early yeah.

0:46:30 Thomas: Oh, my You fought in car wash. Yeah, I know. No.

0:46:32 Tom: I had a job in my, in my mid-20s where, like, I was, it was in the mortgage industry, which was a fucking insane industry before 2008. Like, if you think it was crazy after, before 2008, that industry was populated, at least East Illinois, with some, there were no rules and there was no, there were no standards. There was no testing.

0:46:51 Thomas: But there wasn't any bad consequence of that, Tom. Like, it was fine.

0:46:54 Eli: All fine. Though it worked out Everybody's Okay, everybody's cash money and cool, so

0:46:54 Thomas: Yeah. It worked out.

0:46:55 Tom: All worked out great. Jesus Christ. So the money was high and the drinking was unbelievable. And my boss would take me out and all of us out drinking. And like, he would take us out and purposefully get you drunker and drunker until you were like, and I remember at one point being just beside myself and he'd be like, "Oh, your breath is terrible. Have a shot of Rumpelman's, have a shot." Out of Rumplements, he's getting me drunk, and like, like to the point where, like, I'm passed out on the floor of a bar and people are like, you know, it's bad stuff, so I don't, and part of that, part of the reason that was easy to have to do to me is I didn't know how to drink. I didn't know, so I went from, I was the first guy to go from zero to 100, and so I think it should be a safe thing to do to teach your kids how to get from zero to 35 and hold it. 35, that's

0:46:59 Thomas: Oh, My God. Oh ,My God.

0:47:32 Thomas: Yeah.

0:47:32 Eli: So that Yeah. So, that's exactly what my dad did with me. As unhealthy as my dad's initial conversations about marijuana were with me, um, drinking thing, I mean, he literally taught me how to drink. He was a bartender, and so he had seen a lot of people abuse alcohol. He liked to use alcohol, he understood it, and so, yet from a pretty young age it was, you can have a sip of this, you can taste this, it's not a big deal, that person is drunk and they're going to be okay. Um, and then as I got into, you know, family events where there were people drinking, I was allowed to drink within reason right and because of it, because it was a, yeah, you're going to do this sort of moderated by me and mom, it was much healthier and I sort of understood what my limits are. Now, I personally ended up not using alcohol, but I remember the first time I went to a party where people were drinking, I just didn't understand why people were drinking the way they were.

0:48:14 Thomas: Mm. -hmm. Yeah.

0:48:25 Thomas: That's better Yeah. That

0:48:27 Tom: So much better. Yeah.

0:48:35 Thomas: Is not safe. Why are you mixing that with, all, my God, you guys!

0:48:38 Eli: Because I remember because I made myself a little sea breeze, right? I was like, cranberry juice, vodka, splash, splash. Oh, no maraschino cherries. And And so I'm walking around this party ready to socially drink. And everybody's like, and I'm like, is someone coming?

0:48:41 Thomas: Shot!

0:48:52 Thomas: Shot! Shot! Somebody's upside down, fucking

0:48:56 Eli: Yeah.

0:48:56 Thomas: Get, yeah, exactly, yeah.

0:48:57 Eli: I literally asked the host. I was like, Is someone coming to take the alcohol away? Because we're drinking. You are drinking as though someone's going to take the alcohol way to which I say, let them have it. This can't be fun. This is too much liquid to put in your body.

0:49:03 Tom: Yeah. Right. Yeah.

0:49:09 Thomas: Yeah. But Because that is kind of the attitude, you know, like that is what led to that. Is this, when you're trying to hide it, when you're fucking scared about it, because, or when you think society and the fucking Reagans are going to take it away at any moment, you do adopt that attitude, you know?

0:49:27 Tom: I think that's part of it. I think too that, like, there is also a worry that I have, both with drugs and alcohol, especially with young people, about them self-medicating using those those things. You know, like I, I know a lot of young people that were in really bad head space, bad emotional space. And then, you know, they find, you know, whatever drug or whatever alcohol, and they don't know that they're doing it necessarily, but it, it helps. It makes it feels good. It's all of a sudden they're more social. All of a suddenly they're happier. All of the sudden their worries kind of decline a little bit, and they don't know that they are doing that self medication and they are absolutely self self -medicating using whatever they're self -mediating for.

And I don't want to call any of them out on the air, but I know a lot of people like that who, as adults, will recognize, like, yeah, the drinking I did as a young person was absolutely self -Medicating. The, you know, cocaine I was doing as a young person was absolutely self -Medicating. And that's something too, that we should, when we're trying to raise kids and, and handle drugs and alcohol, it's not just the, you were taught abstinence and now the reins are off and and you're going to go crazy, but there's also an appeal to the way these things feel and to way the way that they numb and the way that they react to our traumas and react to our insecurities that we should be aware of around our kids and, like,

0:49:39 Thomas: Yeah.

0:50:52 Eli: Right.

0:50:52 Tom: And really address in a, in a real and honest way with our kids to make sure that if they're going to medicate with something, it's not bullshit. Yeah, it's not, it's because, you know what, the answer is never booze, like the answer, there's never booze.

0:50:58 Thomas: It's medicine. Yeah. Yeah, there's not, it doesn't get prescribed. They don't, I don't think the doctor's often like, yeah, you Know what? You should binge drink three, yeah, it used to be, it Used to be your wife's miserable because she does all the work and, you know, has eight kids, do some heroin about it.

0:51:05 Tom: Right. Yeah. Not anymore. Eli. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

0:51:08 Eli: Not anymore.

0:51:19 Thomas: But yeah, no, I, Eli's story, I really, I think unlocks new possibilities because another component that we haven't really talked about that is fucking real at all. This is the desire of kids to be cool and impress each other, you know? And a lot of that I love. So I'm surprised you, like, because I think depending on the party, you could have been the fucking king of that party. If you're, if you're making mixed drinks, drinks, you're making, like, you know, cocktails, we didn't, didn't know shit about that, and anyone who did was, like, kind of, you're like, you don't know how to make a drink, and you'd be, "Oh, I do too, but what do you, what are you having?"

0:51:18 Eli: Do some heroin about it, yeah, yeah.

0:51:21 Tom: Yeah.

0:51:32 Tom: For

0:51:52 Thomas: You know, like, "Oh, I..." Someone would ask me what I was gonna have, "Oh, haven't decided, what, what do you think?" And then I just get, you know, because I didn't know a single drink, I knew nothing. Yeah.

0:51:54 Eli: You just say the word. Two, yeah, two, two of those, that sounds great.

0:52:01 Thomas: Well, I, they the first

0:52:03 Tom: Sure.

0:52:04 Eli: I

0:52:04 Thomas: Drink someone taught me, I was like, like, well, I guess that's what I will do then forever. 'Cause it, 'cause it felt, you want, like, as much as we hated, you know, admitting it at, you know, 18, 19, 20, those ages, you're still just cosplaying at adulthood. You're trying to be an adult. You're trying to seem cool. And if there, if there's an Eli Bosnick with like fucking a dinner jacket going, you KNOW, like, oh, well I have a sea breeze here. I'd have been like, that

0:52:20 Tom: Yes.

0:52:27 Eli: Did have a sports jacket? I wore a sports racket the first time.

0:52:30 Tom: Yes. Was it red velour? Was tell me. His red velouer?

0:52:31 Thomas: Was a joke, but yeah. Oh, that's, this is excellent.

0:52:32 Eli: What it wasn't Red? It wasn't red, but it did have elbow patches, um, and

0:52:37 Thomas: I think that was fucking cool, and I now, I'm realizing here, I'll just train my kids to be amazing bartenders, fucking making us benefit, make Lydia and I some nice drinks. No, I don't mean like the job of bartender. No, no.

0:52:47 Eli: Bartenders. Great lives. Love it. Oh.

0:52:53 Tom: Yeah.

0:52:53 Thomas: I mean, like, when they're in that party situation, they're the one who's like, "Well, I could tell you this drink here, and also that kind of drinking," I feel like, kind of, at least a little bit, discourages the binge part, you know? You're not like, I'm going to take 10 minutes to make this elaborate drink and then chuck, chuck, you know, like it kind of, it discourages that a little.

0:52:54 Eli: Okay. Yeah.

0:53:09 Eli: Tom, down, boys. If I ever find out you're using store-bought bitters, I will stop loving you, just so you know. That's my line. Maybe I've got a colder heart than you do, but I will.

0:53:22 Thomas: I'm telling you in the parties I was at, you would have been so fucking cool with that knowledge. I'm tellin' ya. And it, and it encourages, haha, yeah, it encourages a bit of sophistication, you know, that I think it does actually help with the like binge take a billion shots, you to counteract that a Little bit.

0:53:28 Eli: Well, I was at the wrong fucking party, yeah. So

0:53:40 Tom: Context around drugs and alcohol is super important. And, like, I don't know, 'cause, like, sometimes, like, the cool thing to do is to be at the club doing shots, you know, sometimes that's the cool things that everyone is doing where, you know? And so I think that's something too, you've got to like talk to your kids, like, Hey, like you can just bail on that. Like if you're, I I remember being in my early 20s and, again, not really knowing how to drink and not really liking being in some of these, what to me like actually high -pressure social situations, like going out to a club, to me felt terrible. It felt like a high - Pressure social situation that I didn't really enjoy being at.

0:53:48 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I

0:53:49 Eli: True. Yeah. Yeah.

0:54:18 Tom: And I looked around, and the reason everybody had a good time is because they drank. It knocked all that inhibition out of the air. And I remember going and being like, I don't want to get drunk because I'm just going to get fucking sick and tired, because I didn't know how to drink, and I don't want to GET SICK, and it's going to make me fucking tired. And then I'm in this space and I'm not really enjoying the context that I'm in, and not really feeling like I had the ability to just socially just leave, I like call somebody for backup, you know. My dad would not have been a good backup at that point in my life at all, for sure. I didn't feel like he would have been. And so I remember just like sticking around and being so mad and

0:54:18 Thomas: Just never did that. Yeah, yeah.

0:54:57 Thomas: Hmm.

0:54:57 Tom: Being so unhappy being stuck in that situation in

0:54:59 Thomas: What ages are you talking about? Are you talking about college or?

0:55:01 Tom: My 20s in my 20s yeah, in my early 20s

0:55:02 Thomas: Oh, okay. Interesting. Yeah if there's one thing that it would be amazing to just be able to, like, push a button and your kids have it, and this took me, believe me, quite a while to to develop, as I'm sure you could imagine, um, ability to just have a drink or two in that context and just keep an eye out for yourself and others and have a good time. You know, like, that's something that I don't know why is not easy to learn. I think for some, maybe I'll just be for myself.

Like, it takes, I think it takes a while, maybe just was because of the circumstances of my life or something, but that ability to just moderate, to really, that's the word for it, to to just moderate. Like you don't, some people seem to be an all or nothing in terms of, you know, it's funny because I'm all or Nothing in so many ways, but not in this way. Like there, there are some people who they cannot touch the stuff because they cannot moderate. And that's probably the right decision for them, by the way. Like there's plenty of people where it's like,

0:55:06 Tom: Mm. -hmm right right

0:55:53 Thomas: Nope, I know I have a problem, so I can't touch it. That's definitely the right thing to do if that's you. But if that's not you and you are somebody who at least has the ability to moderate, learning that is such a key skill. And it's, the thing is, it's cool at every level. Like, I thought as a college, you know, partier that the cool thing was to do the shots, shots, shots and be the fucking, but actually it's still work to be fucking cool and have a few drinks and maybe make a sea breeze and wear a dinner jacket.

And you're still partying. You're still there. You know, like it, it, for some reason, it was this thing where it felt like, and maybe there could be some maleness to it. I'm not sure if there was, but it, you Know, it felt felt like this competitive drinking environment almost that you had to do that to have a good time. And you don't, you can, but you don'T have to do zero. You don't have to give it up. You know, you can find that middle ground of drinking, having a good time being, but still being, you know, reasonably safe.

0:56:22 Tom: And you can change your mind at any minute if you've got good parents that will come help you out right like you can shit, you can, you can find yourself like be like, yeah, this seemed like a good idea, now it's not, and I don't, I want to be here anymore, and you can just bail, but you can only do that if you, if your parents are like a, a good safety net, and they're not going to, like, moralize at you.

0:56:47 Thomas: Right. Right, right. Yeah.

0:56:49 Eli: Yeah

0:56:56 Thomas: Yeah, we

0:57:09 Eli: Right, gentlemen, before we go, some advice: never fight a dinosaur, because you'll get your ass kicked there.

0:57:20 Thomas: Oh, Arlo's gonna love that one at a certain age. Can't wait. I'll give him, I'll get him a gin gin and tonic and be like, Hey, no, I'll have him make a gin and tonic. Hey buddy, I got a joke for you. You're 11.

0:57:22 Eli: Make daddy a gin and tonic. Daddy's trying to remember where I saved your file, two drinks for daddy, do it good, or I won't love you anymore, uncle

0:57:30 Thomas: Yeah.

0:57:42 Thomas: No, that's Tom. I'll love you no matter what.

0:57:44 Tom: That's me. That's my line, yeah.

0:57:44 Eli: Tom. Won't love you anymore.

0:57:46 Thomas: Yeah, I will visit you from bartender jail in bartender jail, but yeah, do

0:57:52 Tom: I have a story. It's not a kid's story, but I have a story about doing edibles in Colorado that's kind of funny.

0:57:59 Eli: I'll I love this story. Yes.

0:58:00 Thomas: It. Do I, do I know it or is it a, okay, yeah, let's do it, I haven't, what's that movie?

0:58:01 Eli: I Don't Think so. Have You ever seen the movie "Alive"? And pictured Tom starring in it? There you go.

0:58:11 Tom: So this story has nothing to do with the kids at all, but, I mean, it's on topic. So a few years back, this is like 2016, 2016, 2017, somewhere around there. Went to visit a buddy of mine. He lived in Denver. My buddy from California flew to Denver to meet us. And the three of us were all going to hang out and have like, just kind of like a guy's weekend, like a long weekend. Buddy. From California did not know my buddy from Denver. My buddy FROM Denver, obviously did not Know my buddy FROM California.

0:58:37 Thomas: This is just the movie

0:58:38 Tom: I put them together. Together.

0:58:38 Thomas: Sideways Tom, I don't think this happened. No, I'm just kidding.

0:58:40 Tom: I thought, thought they'd get along better than they did. They did not actually get along. They were fine, But they didn't like, they did not hit it off. But we're in, we're in Colorado and we've, we rented this Airbnb and we're going to like, we're in Breckenridge. It's fucking just beautiful. We're going go snowmobiling. That's like the big activity that we're going to go do is we're gonna go snow mobiling. And like, otherwise we're just going to fuck around in Breckinridge, which is awesome.

You know, go up in the lifts and like check out the mountains and drink some drinks and just have a good time. So, but while we're there, I was like, well, we got to stop by a dispensary. It's 2016. Like the idea of like legal pot had, it was just kind of like a novelty for me as a Midwesterner. Now it's legal here. So who cares? But it was kind of a novelty.

And so I was like, we're going to go to a dispensary, you know, while we're here. And so we go to dispensary. I know nothing about marijuana at all. I have not been high at this, this point in a long, long time. And when I had been high, I had, I had, you know, just smoked weed a few times, which is fine. And I'd smoked weed as an adult.

So I don't want to say it's like never, but like it's less than once a year that I would smoke weed. Right. So it's not part of my life. And I certainly don't know shit about edibles. So we go and it's like, it's really cheap. Like I'm expecting it to be expensive. It's fucking cheap. It's like really cheap. So we buy these gummies and each gummy is 10 milligrams of a THC. I don't know what that means. I still don't really know what that

0:58:41 Thomas: Oh no.

1:00:02 Thomas: Yeah,

1:00:02 Tom: Means. Okay.

1:00:03 Thomas: I don't either.

1:00:03 Eli: That's Five hits off a joint for the people at home.

1:00:05 Thomas: Holy shit.

1:00:05 Eli: Five hits. Ten

1:00:06 Tom: So I have no idea of this, right? So we go back to the, uh, condo that we had rented, and we're all like, all right, well, you know, like, let's put our shit away and then we'll just, we'll have a gummy. And then, you know, it's supposed to take about 45 minutes is what we, we all understood, none of us know anything, oh, it's gonna take like 45 minutes for it to kick in. So, you know, we go back, we have a dummy, we put our, you know, luggage away, that kind of shit, we kind of get settled. 45 minutes or so goes by, we kind of look at each other, none of us feel shit. We're just like, I'm like, I don't feel literally anything at all. And I'm like, maybe I'm just too big, like my metabolism is too high or whatever, I don't know, I'm making things up, I don't know anything. So Matt and I decide, my buddy from California, we'll do a second one. So we eat a second gummy.

1:00:49 Eli: Hits from a joint. Now go.

1:00:51 Tom: My friend Jacob, who's smarter than both of us by miles, is like, yeah, I'm good, I'll stay stay here. Yeah.

1:00:56 Thomas: There you go. That's the kid I want to raise.

1:00:58 Tom: Yeah. So he's like, and so I was like, all right, well, you know, and so then we all get the idea in our head that we want to go out to this hot tub. And in the time that we're, we're going in February in Breckenridge, and we went during a historic cold snap, so I don't want to exaggerate, but it's, it's probably somewhere around 10 or 15 below zero outside. It's wildly cold.

It's It's mind -numbingly cold outside, but there's a beautiful hot tub outside, and we got to go through two locked doors to get to the hot tub. So we're like, all right, let's go to the hot tub. So we all, you know, get our trunks on, and I'm like, well, we got to actually walk through a little bit of snow to get the hot tubs, just kind of the way the place was laid out.

So we're all standing there in our trunk with boots on, then, you know, we've got towels, I got our phone, the phone has the Airbnb lock code on it, my phone. Their phones, this is important to story, their phones do not have the Airbnb lock code. I am the only one with the seven digit Airbnb locker We're standing there and I'm like, I'm starting to feel something, it's kind of nice, you know, getting like a body buzz or whatever.

So like, cool, so we decide, all right, we're gonna go out to the hot tub. And as we're walking out tothe hot tub, it's like every step I'm like, God damn, I'm, I'm fucking really high right now. And I take another step and I'm like, fucking that is, just, it's been one second and I're like, I'm way higher than I was a second ago. That's weird.

We go sit in this hot tub, and I brought with me, and I purposely, I, on the railing by the hot tub, I set my towel, my phone, and this bottle of water. Get in the hot tube. We're all sitting there and we are just like fucking Matt and I are beside ourselves. Selves. Oh, I forgot to mention, we took a third one at some point. So

1:02:42 Tom: We're, I don't remember when this was. So worth three, we're three out, right?

1:02:42 Eli: You're Still High. Yeah.

1:02:43 Thomas: You forgot because you're still high right now from this.

1:02:47 Tom: You're not here. So Matt and I are three gummy bears in and Jacob is one gummy bear. Right. And so, and I am, I am now, I'm just like, I am so fucking high and I'm not used to being high at all. And I'm like, and then I see my bottle of water and I become just hyper fixated on how much I want this bottle of water. But also I would have have to stand up Yeah, I'd have to stand up and go out, out of the tub, and there's ice everywhere and it's very, very cold, but god, the water, you know, that water looks so good. So finally I muster whatever it is that you have to muster when you're just, just bombed, high, crazy, unbelievably unpleasantly, a little nervously high. At this point I walk over and I see the towel with my phone on it, I see a bottle of water.

I'm on the second floor, by the way, and there's at, at least 15 feet of snow drift piled up against the side of this condo. And I was in my head, I think, well, it'd be a real bummer if I knocked my phone into the snow reaching for the water. And I fucking knock

1:02:47 Eli: That's Why The Only time He's Ever been Thirsty.

1:03:50 Eli: Get

1:03:50 Tom: My phone off the second floor of this balcony. It hits the snow and just disappears into this 15 foot snowbank. There's no way for us to get back into the condo, we are. It's 20 degrees below zero outside, we're all in a hot tub. I get the bottle of water. We're all in a hot tub and I'm like, guys, I, I knocked my phone into the snow. Everyone just starts laughing cuz we're just fucking so high.

We can't, like, it's so serious, like we don't have, I don't even know how to get back in the door without the door code, like we can't, we just outside now and I have the phone. They did not bring their phones. We are just guys outside in the cold in a hot tub, like with our heads like, like freezing and our body's boiling. It's just so, I was like, well, fucking, what do I do? And like my buddy's like, well, you gotta go get it.

And I'm like, even just standing outside, like, you're, now I'm wet, right? And I'm just absolutely blisteringly cold, my skin is turning red, I got fucking icicles on my nipples and shit, I mean, you're just like fucking horrifyingly cold. And I was like, fuck, okay, I gotta do this. I put my boots on and I go down around these stairs and I walk in in front of this thing.

And I'm like, hey, can somebody like stand and try to find the, the hole in the snow bank where the phone went? And so my buddy Matt, they're laughing at me and like, but I'm desperately cold. Like if you've ever been like so cold, it's kind of hurts. And it's a little frightening. I'm in that place, but also I'm totally irrationally high. So I'm like, I've got to find my fucking phone or we're going to die. Now I'm worried, like we're just going to die outside.

That's what will happen. We'll die outside in a hot tub. We're going gonna live, you know, just, I gotta get this phone. And so, like, Matt's like, I think it's right below here, and I look, and I've got, you know, like I said, at least 15 feet of snow, and like it's piled up in this huge drift, and I'm just standing on this like sidewalk looking at it, and looking at the side of this two -story building, and Matt's, I think, I don't know what to do, I'm like, what do I do? He's like, like, get mad. And I'm like, fuck, all right, so then I like psych myself up

1:03:54 Thomas: Yeah.

1:05:57 Eli: Mad.

1:05:57 Tom: And I, I plunge into this snow drift, full body, and the snow drift is like, all, it's collapsing all around me, and I am fishing around in the dark in this snow drift for my phone, and my hands and arms are going numb, and I find it. I find the phone. I, I don't think that I could have gotten luckier. I find my phone, my hands are going numb, I grab my phone between my two hands because they, like, I can't, like, grab it with one hand, and I've, like, press it, and I bust out of there, and Matt and Jacob just start cheering

1:05:58 Thomas: Yeah that's it. Wow. Wow. Oh, My God.

1:06:29 Thomas: Oh,

1:06:29 Tom: Just fucking erupting, and like, yeah, and I'm like, oh my god, I jump out, I go in and I jump back in the water, and the water, now I've been so cold now for like eight or nine, ten minutes and I just jumped into a fucking hot tub, which now feels like needles, like a thousand broken glass needles just pumping their way into me. By the way, it's 2017, the phone is fully waterproof, I could have just set it next to the hot tub, right, it doesn't matter, the worst thing I could have done was set it on that goddamn railing, it was safer next to the hot tube.

So we're just like wildly high, we decide after a few minutes all right, enough of that shit, like let's go inside, get, get, and I'm again just continuing, the gummies just continue to come in waves. I'm just getting like blasted by how fucking insanely high I'm getting. So we go inside, we get changed, we decide, I have bought food, I was gonna cook food for everybody, and then I looked at the food and like, I've been cooking my whole life, I'm like, I don't have any idea how to cook any of this meal, I literally can't imagine

1:06:39 Thomas: Yeah. Yep. Yep. Geez.

1:07:12 Eli: No.

1:07:32 Eli: Idea.

1:07:32 Tom: I bought steaks, the easiest thing in the world to cook, I'm like, I cannot imagine what the

1:07:38 Eli: No.

1:07:37 Thomas: Like the Instructions Are On my phone. It's back in the snowbank. Fuck.

1:07:40 Eli: Back

1:07:38 Tom: Right I was like this. Oh

1:07:41 Eli: In The snow. Get Mad. Tom, did he tell you to Get mad and

1:07:44 Thomas: How do I cook these steaks? Get mad, he just starts punching them. Well, that kind of helps tenderize.

1:07:49 Eli: Salisbury.

1:07:45 Tom: I so was like, I can't, I turn to the guys and I'm like in a panic, and they're, and like Matt's in a panic too, Jacob is just grinning, he just can't stop laughing, right, so Jacob's having a great time, Matt and I are both just fucked, we're just absolutely fucked, and I am like, I don't, I can't cook, I don't know how, how the stove works. I have no idea what I would do. I can't do this. And so we get the idea that we're going to order a pizza, which, okay, fine, we'll order some food. So I call and I'm looking at my phone and I's struggling to use my phone. I'm struggling to Google anything.

1:08:17 Eli: Pizza. Today.

1:08:20 Tom: There's no DoorDash that I was using. So, I'm just Googling pizza places in Breckenridge, which is so easy, but it's like, fuck, what's the zip code here? And I'm like, I don't know. Everything is too hard. The first place I call and I get someone on the phone, and the sense of relief that I felt when I heard that voice was like, like, like I was like in an avalanche and the rescuers had found me, right? And then they're like, yeah, we don't deliver, and guys, I started to cry a little, I hung up the phone I was, I was so upset

1:08:49 Eli: A Single

1:08:48 Thomas: For The First time in Tom's life, he shed A tear

1:08:55 Eli: Tear Rolled Down His cheek.

1:08:55 Thomas: Yeah yeah

1:08:58 Tom: I was out, I was so upset. I call the second place and they're like, yeah, we deliver. It. We order a bunch of food. I sit down and I, we turn on, for whatever reason, a Netflix Bill Burr comedy special, this Netflix special is in black and white. Now I'm like locked into this couch. I'm continuing to get more uncomfortably high. And I look around and I'm unsure if everybody else sees that this is black and white. Like, it feels hallucinatory. I, I know pot is not hallucinory, but at this point it feels like, I feel like a fucking crazy person.

Then I get scared because I know that the pizza guy is coming and I've got to give him money and I have no idea how much he said the pizza was, and then I've gotta tip him, and I have no idea how much to tip him. As sure as shit, after some amount of time that felt like fucking six weeks, the doorbell rings, the pizza guy gets there, I get up with fear and trepidation, taking mincing little steps to the door. The pizza guy stands there, he's got, I don't know, three pizzas from Garbage Pizza

1:09:23 Eli: All Three

1:10:03 Tom: Colorado, hands me the pizzas and no shit, I just hand him all of the cash in my wallet, all of my weekend cash, like, all, I must have given him five hundred dollars at least, I I just all of my weekend end cash, I was just like, is this enough? And he's like, that'll do.

1:10:04 Eli: For Tom.

1:10:19 Tom: And he like turns around and fucking walks away like nonchalant as fuck, and I didn't care because I was so afraid of the goddamn pizza guy. Bill Burr is yelling at me in black and white. I am just getting more high. We end the night, I go to sleep. I hate this whole feeling, it's not fun at all anymore, like from like about the time we walked out the door to go to the hot tub, it ceased to be fun. It just became like distressing thing. The next morning I wake up, we're all going to go snowmobiling. I jump out of bed and motherfucker, I am still a little bit high. Like I jump on a bed and I'm like reeling. And I'm like, how long can this hell last? Thankfully it didn't last very much longer in the morning, but the edibles I

1:10:05 Thomas: Yeah oh my god no

1:10:19 Eli: No

1:11:07 Tom: Decided, uh, probably not for me. Probably not, not, Not the Tom show on edibles.

1:11:11 Thomas: It's impossible to get right unless you're Eli with a degree or whatever, however he knows how those conversions. I've never gotten edibles right ever, I've tried a few times and I've I just give up.

1:11:20 Eli: One gets it's edibles right because everyone

1:11:22 Thomas: I'm like, you know what? It's not a good way to have drugs. Sorry.

1:11:22 Eli: Everyone just wrong about how long edibles take to digest, and I've said it 800 times to 800 different people. Where did you learn that edibles takes 45 minutes to kick in? And they're like, something, something, you're not allowed to swim, and I'm like, okay, well, that's not how edibles work. They take a full hour before they begin to enter your bloodstream. And people are like, I already ate triple, and I'm like, okay, well, you're gonna have a bad day.

1:11:49 Tom: It's so bad, too. It's such a bad show. It's just so monstrously bad. It's SO bad.

1:11:53 Eli: I'll see you in three hours when the full amount of drugs is in your bloodstream, no

1:11:58 Tom: It was... It

1:12:02 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.