DOD223: Divorced Dad Diving into Dating

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:02 Clip: I'm the cool dad, that's my thing I know now what I can offer you that no one else can Complete and under-dependent I'm a man, I'm sensitive I need to feel loved, I need part of being a father that I enjoy

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's swiping right or left. I'm not actually sure. I'm Tom Curry. I am joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:41 Thomas: It's a good point. I hear swipe right a lot, but I don't know, is the joke that you don't like that person or you do like, you know what I mean? Like I, oh, it's swipe right.

0:00:49 Tom: Swipe right is to like somebody. I think swipe right is the like somebody, and

0:00:51 Thomas: And then, okay. Yeah. Here's the funny thing. I've done this in recent memory and I have no idea. You would know better than I know.

0:00:57 Tom: I have actually never used one of those apps. The only reason I know is that back when I had an in -person office on the cubicles, I had a 12 ,000 square foot office that I worked. And so in the center were all the management offices and those cubes.

0:01:09 Thomas: He tried to date all his employees. Where is this going?

0:01:12 Eli: He did. He had his employees who were willing to fuck him swipe.

0:01:12 Tom: No, no. This is terrible. But like everybody on their cube had like their little like name tag. And I realized that like you could walk up to somebody's name tag and put your finger on it and just swipe it and it would swipe their name onto the floor. And I thought, what a fucking great way this would be to fire somebody is just to walk up and swipe left on them and just.

0:01:12 Thomas: I can't wait. We're

0:01:31 Eli: Hey, Alicia,

0:01:33 Thomas: Continuing from our last

0:01:38 Eli: Alicia. First of all, congratulations on the baby. Second of all. Look at this. You're gonna laugh. Trust me. You gonna enjoy this. Okay. Can we agree that as I continue my lifelong project to turn Tom into a thumb ring wearing polyamorous man who refers to all of his partners as lovers, uh, The first thing that we need to do when that mission is successful is put Tom on the apps because if you think chat GPT depresses you, wait till you get on a dating app in 2025, the year of our Lord. Here's the thing. It's the worst experience a man will ever have, and it's not anywhere close to as bad as it is for women.

0:01:59 Thomas: Episode oh god yeah jesus christ so true

0:02:21 Eli: Being on a Dating app as a man is like learning that you're in hell and there's a separate worse hell for women."

0:02:19 Thomas: Yep yep

0:02:28 Eli: Oh, you guys are just getting roasted.

0:02:27 Thomas: But you're also jealous of the people in the worst hell. Like it's like you kind of wish, you know, it's some simultaneous.

0:02:38 Tom: God I can't I I think I would rather just I'd be like yeah I'll just I'll just be single I'll just be alone I would rather I think at this point when I look out at the landscape it's like yeah being alone is not that bad

0:02:45 Thomas: Yeah, that's many people make that very decision. Yeah, like literally because I think I think there's a very non -zero number of women that maybe they're by. Maybe they're not. But consider just dating women because of this, like, literally. Literally yeah yeah

0:02:50 Tom: Yeah it's like

0:03:04 Eli: Yeah. Being gay is a choice.—Thomas Smith.

0:03:07 Thomas: I know more than one woman who was like maybe I'll just date women now

0:03:14 Eli: You just got to power through it.

0:03:14 Tom: Yeah but it's like look if we're living in a fucking hellacious prison then we'll just be gay for the stay it's that's it there there we go it's fine it's find

0:03:22 Thomas: Mine wasn't that bad and then tom made it worse so

0:03:25 Tom: I made it worse for you I'm in I'm and I see you I see if

0:03:26 Eli: But gentlemen, you know the only thing worse than dating apps for women? That's not true. It's significantly worse over there on dating apps for women. But you know what's bad? The auto ads. The auto adds. Interrupting your podcasting experience but you can make them go away yeah

0:03:40 Thomas: They are like the dating app yeah oh my god you're there minding your own business and the date and the and the auto ad just fucking it just barges in with

0:03:47 Tom: They just swipe right on

0:03:42 Eli: Swipe us away yeah sends you a dick pic yeah

0:03:49 Tom: Patreon they can skip

0:03:50 Thomas: Something you are not Not interested in buying whatsoever.

0:03:52 Eli: Just a picture of an auto ad holding a fish exactly you can made it go away over at patreon .com forward slash dear old dads will you get a commercial free version of every episode as long as little parenting story at the end we got a sweet one last week's folks if you like it when Tom Curry tugs on your heartstrings and I don't mean that one listener whose chest he split split open. I mean, with his words. You're going to love last week's parenting story over at patreon .com forward slash dear old dads. Like Tom did with our emotions, rip into it.

0:04:33 Ad: [Ad break 1 — ad music]

0:04:35 Tom: To take a listener email. Here we go. What? Yeah. Yeah.

0:04:37 Eli: Wait a second, Tom. Are you telling me that our listeners to this podcast can get the finest advice from dadding and beyond by just sending us an email to thedads@dearolddads.com?

0:04:40 Thomas: Go

0:04:52 Tom: I do mean that, but Eli, what if they wanted to send us an email, but they wanted to keep it private?

0:04:56 Eli: Well, then they can join our secret go fuck themselves indeed but yes if you'd like advice if you like your life put on display and sometimes your relationship judged to the point of breaking you can do it to the dads at d -roll dads .com but sometimes we tell you you're doing a good job what I can promise you is it's from the hip it's the hip and it ain't no lip the dads of Dear Old Dads that

0:04:58 Thomas: Fuck themselves. Yeah, right. I was warned in no uncertain terms to read the fucking emails ahead of time. I don't know what I did to get HR on me so badly.

0:05:33 Tom: All right, here we go, hi dads, I've got a question that I think applies to most of the dads. I think I got a question that applies to most of the dads, though perhaps Tom more so than Eli and Thomas. I understand that this is not a personal exchange with you guys because I can't afford the $5 ,000 per episode tier.

0:05:36 Thomas: But first I'm seeing this. Well done. Well done, listener. Yes.

0:05:51 Eli: Come that's right everybody tim

0:05:52 Tom: And that if my question is addressed, it will be done on the air. Yes, indeed. I'm 39 years old, newly divorced as of January. I want to start dating again. My problem is that I truly have no idea how to flirt or indicate romantic interest when I meet someone. For context, my last relationship lasted 17 years. Before that, I was in a long -term relationship with a high school girlfriend. Friend. There has never been a time in my life when I have casually dated or been in short -term relationships. While in those long -term relationships, I was strictly monogamous. If I sensed someone was being flirty with me, I would back off pretty quickly so that I don't send the message I'm available. Now, I find myself starting with dating apps to meet people, but I don' t know how to best indicate my romantic interest beyond saying, I'm having a good time and like you a lot, would you like to hang out again? This is fine, but it can feel awkward or clinical. How can I flirt, but flirt with consent? The last thing I want to do is make a woman feel unsafe, awkward, or creeped on. Appreciate any advice you have for a new -to -dating old person. Thanks for all you do, Tim.

0:06:54 Eli: Thank you so much for writing

0:06:56 Thomas: There's no mention of the apps in there right now that I think about it.

0:06:58 Eli: In yeah he says I find myself starting with dating apps to meet people god damn it, Thomas

0:06:58 Tom: No, he says, yeah,

0:06:58 Thomas: I think I did. No, no. But he said, God damn it, my ADD. I thought that and then I unthought it and then rethought it. But I think here's why I unthought it is because he says, okay, dating apps to meet people. I missed that. Okay. But he says how do I indicate my romantic interest? No, he says. How do I educate my romantic interests beyond saying I'm having a good time and I like you? It was because that came right after him. I'm like, that doesn't apply to apps at all. Like you indicate your interest by being on the app.

0:07:15 Eli: Add How are you the best interviewer I know and the little people that are inside your head were just like throwing out the first half of that sentence they were like no fucking

0:07:33 Thomas: Exactly. Because they're like, well, that's exactly my whole memory is logic based. And so my mind was like, Well, that'S not dating app. So he must have not said the word. My eyes skipped over super fast.

0:07:39 Eli: You gotta

0:07:41 Tom: That's not memory, Thomas. That's just reality creation.

0:07:42 Thomas: I agree with you, Tom. I don't have memory. We agree on this.

0:07:48 Eli: Get aquafina and all the little people together and be like first of all bring back bing bong second of

0:07:55 Thomas: I still haven't watched the second one because I'm too scared. So I get that that's a good reference. Probably it's Awkwafina in the second. I'm not going to watch it anyway. Oh, OK. Okay. But, but what? Yeah.

0:08:04 Tom: Is her name really aquafina

0:08:00 Eli: All aquafita she's anxiety the actor's name is aquafia yeah yeah it's that was her rap

0:08:07 Tom: Like the beverage

0:08:10 Thomas: You would not know what this person is based on that, that voice, Tom, at all. I know Awkwafina because of the dragon movie.

0:08:11 Tom: What really

0:08:14 Eli: Name I know aquafena because I taught her to pick pockets for oceans eight yeah

0:08:17 Thomas: Raya and the Last Dragin. Wow. Oh, wait. Oh that was her. Oh. Yeah.

0:08:22 Tom: What

0:08:23 Eli: And what I feel so bad about is so aquafina is from queens her real name is nora she's talked about that she has a show called nora from queens and she talks uh like a new york city kid which a lot of people associate with like what you might call like black voice uh and so she gets a lotof criticism for the way that she talks but she was born and raised in queens and that's how

0:08:41 Thomas: Yeah, that's how she talks. But most importantly, she has the smokiest smoke voice and it's, I still,

0:08:44 Tom: That's just how she talks

0:08:44 Eli: She talks oh yeah big time

0:08:49 Thomas: I love it. I actually, I'm a huge fan of her voice. It's very nice sounding.

0:08:52 Eli: No she rules she's great and she worked really hard on her magic like she would send me texts and be like hey how's this looking I'd be like that looks fucking great aquafina amazing super talented kid LaGuardia kid as well who went to laguardian brilliant brilliant super duper talented actor

0:09:01 Thomas: Oh man I'm here texting God damn it what were we talking about how do you indicate romantic interest on an app it's cause you're on the fucking app apparently that's it done with that

0:09:07 Eli: But the apps so tim let me talk about the apps tim bring it in bring it because the straight people they don't know this come on over to suck to dick corner tim you don't have to suck a dick over here just stand just at the edge there you are right at the periphery okay so people in suck to dick corner they had apps called grinder and scruff and some ones that you don't even want us to mention on the air okay we had them and those were made for people in suck to dick corner to get business done all right men of industry men and women men and women and folk of industry who were there to get it done get it in get it out and move on and then the straights got it the straight's were like we're gonna do that and we're They're going to heck up. But I don't know if you've met straights. They fucking suck. They're all about not doing the business on it. So they turned the apps into a weird torture game for each other that nobody is enjoying and everybody hates. I want you to imagine that there was a big, giant, all -American dildo sitting in the middle of the floor. And the people in Suck to Dick Corner, they know exactly what to do with the big American dildos. And then you get the straights in the room. They're like, I think we should use it for some kind of football game. Like that's the problem is apps are not meant for dating they're meant for psychopaths who want to treat the person they love like grubhub and uber eats they're not meant for us tim they're not meant for us no

0:10:07 Thomas: Part true this is correct

0:10:37 Tom: Yeah this is not a message of great hope I feel I feel a little bad for tim here because this is is not a message of great hope

0:10:44 Thomas: No let's make sure that we communicate by the end of this show no one should have hope when it comes to dating whatsoever. I just want to make that very clear.

0:10:52 Eli: See I have a lot of hope for dating I just think that the internet is the worst possible way to find the person you want to

0:10:59 Tom: Wait a minute wait a minute are you suggesting that major mega corporations gamifying the most important human connection that you're ever going to make by choice is not a good idea what what I can't believe you would say that

0:11:09 Eli: Date I think it might not be the best idea time that's what I'm coming I'm coming out bold I'm calling out here's my thing I think that

0:11:14 Tom: What uh what if they monetize it would that help would that help if they monotized it

0:11:17 Eli: Yeah no if if you You could pay to be liked more often. That I think might really. I know. It's the super likes.

0:11:21 Thomas: You do have to pay to be liked more often. That's yep. You dude, that is something you have to do. If you're a dude on those apps, it's not possible to try to do them without paying for them. It's a straight dude. Sorry. Straight dude. I'm not in suck dick corner.

0:11:25 Eli: It's fucking insane. Yeah,

0:11:26 Tom: Jesus fucking shit really so I I feel bad because I don't want to address Tim like Tim I'm sorry like I've never used the apps so I don't know thomas and eli are going to be more helpful here I just want to address that out from the start I don'T KNOW I NEVER USED THE APPS I downloaded match actually and I went on a date well because I looked

0:11:39 Thomas: We got you. You. We got you.

0:11:49 Eli: Of course you did. Why was Christian Mingle downloaded too slow? You fucking dinosaur.

0:11:51 Tom: At well I

0:11:51 Thomas: What you did was you exchanged VHS tapes with, Oh,

0:11:57 Tom: Had no interest in hookup shit like I had NO INTEREST IN HOOKUP SHIT so I was like when everybody I knew that did the apps was like yeah it's a fucking nightmarish morass of hookup and I'm like Like, that doesn't appeal to me.

0:12:08 Thomas: My app story is older than yours or my first. Cause Lydia and I got together on. Okay. Cupid, but I'm realizing Tom was still married at that point. So Tom got married before the apps and divorced after Lydia and I.

0:12:20 Tom: Yeah, you've got the older, yeah?

0:12:20 Thomas: Oh, so I have the older man app story. OkCupid. We tell people that we met on on OkCupid and every single time we've said it people laugh like they like genuinely laugh it's the best

0:12:30 Eli: You're the one couple that made it out of OKCupid. Usually it's just arranging which people in the senior home to put a room in. It's like, oh, look at this. They matched on OkCupid.

0:12:36 Thomas: Yeah I I think everyone I know it doesn't exist anymore I know I've been on I've been on the fucking apps they suck I think Everyone Should Do OkCupid if it still existed I have no idea if it does probably does and you know what it's probably a shitty app now too that sucks but here's why okcupid ruled I filled out all these questions questions and questions so many of them so many of them and I was matched with lydia lydia was like one of my top like top three matches the other two people I think were I no they didn't I think they I think the other top two people I think just answered like yes to everything or so I don't know I just it didn't make sense actually she was like we were he gave us a percentage it was like you're like

0:13:04 Eli: Imagine how much you would have liked the other one.

0:13:06 Tom: So, wait a minute, the algorithm connected you guys?

0:13:18 Eli: Yeah. It was a science experiment, OkCupid.

0:13:18 Thomas: 91 percent compatible and maybe this wouldn't work for everybody for me that fucking work because guess what she wasn't a religious person step one you know like she didn't answer any of those those questions. So it weeds out like, are you fucking religious fundamentalist? They'll be in a separate thing. Are you a conservative? They're being a separate think like it asks you all these questions that do provide very meaningful indicators of compatibility. And when we met, it was like, oh, she's she's the one that's great. It's fantastic. I mean, yes, I got really insanely lucky, but I think it's meaningful. Like it is actually interesting. I don't think people should like start dating someone because of the app. Like, it shouldn't be determining our relationships chips or something but given how many people are in the world if we all had the ability to like weed out the first billion people by doing this and then of the people you kind of meet and talk to they're only ones that have some of these compatibility things to varying degrees I think it would be great yeah

0:14:11 Eli: Yeah, no, Ok Cupid was actually a very good system, right? Because you, one, it weeded out all the people that you weren't inclined with. Two, it told you who you would probably match best with. And three, the profile was much more robust, right, because the apps have to be so cutesy bootsy fucking Apple boutique.

0:14:29 Thomas: Yeah it has to be 0 .5 milliseconds of attention yeah

0:14:32 Eli: Exactly. Everything's built like a fucking meditation app or a fucking flappy bird. So everything has to have like a a big candy crush spiral in the center of it but ok cupid was meant to be used like on a full -ass computer and so you could learn more about someone you could read stuff you guys know my story about OkCupid of course I've

0:14:51 Thomas: But just to finish I want to hear it but it was literally on a computer I did not have it on my phone like it It wasn't, it's so weird to think about.

0:14:58 Eli: I don't know if there ever was an ok cupide app but yeah um I think I've told this on the air before but I was on OkCupid I received zero messages in spite of the fact that I was doing a pretty sweet card fan in my profile picture so it's fucking great uh if you go to my public facebook you can still see it as one of my old profile pictures it's

0:15:09 Thomas: Yep. Yep. I've seen the, if you haven't seen this photo, you're missing out on life. It's the best.

0:15:10 Tom: I remember this, yes. Oh, God, that's fucking great.

0:15:22 Eli: Um don't look too much around your husband ladies and gentlemen you know okay if you're Ami Eleni you might get a little pregnant it's a full it's a full - it was a pressure fan for those for the magic aficionados in the audience I did have one One shot with a double fan, but I thought that would be a little too show -offy.

0:15:23 Thomas: Ah, I love it. Yeah, exactly. Hey, if your ovulating, you don't want to be anywhere near this.

0:15:42 Eli: I wanted to keep it chill. So, Tim, the reason I talk about the apps is the apps are bad, Tim. And they're also going to make you bitter before you get into the dating scene. Because it's like, Tim... Come here. Tim, you know how you're not going to go into a nightclub where the music's like... And there's going to be young Eastern European models writhing on each other? That's not you, Tim! Maybe it was you at one point, but it's not me right now! Well, right, you're not going to go there. That's what the apps are.

0:16:12 Eli: And if you went out every night to the Eastern European Models Club with the booch, booch. Trying to find Mrs. Right by the end of the week, you'd feel really disappointed and bummed out.

0:16:19 Thomas: But where else are you going to fucking go, Eli? That's what I want to know.

0:16:22 Eli: I'm so glad you asked, Thomas.

0:16:23 Tom: All right. No, I can help with this part. I can helps with this.

0:16:26 Eli: You come to the live show in New York City.

0:16:30 Tom: The apps are a fucking mess. But I really do think that like what a lot of newly divorced adult people don't realize that they have to do because they're so focused on trying to find a date, right? People get focused on try to find the date. That's the wrong focus. What you need to do is expand your social circle. You need to work on meeting lots of new people. That what you have to. You probably have a social circle that consists mostly of couples. So you have a bunch of closed systems right yeah all right so

0:16:56 Thomas: Break them up I get it yeah to make them get a divorce yeah yeah yeah yeah frame them like oh he was cheating yeah is there is like a big french person pool boy a thing is that a lot of pools in france yeah uh

0:16:59 Eli: Yeah, start fucking your buddy's wife. All right. Now, Tom, I didn't think this suggestion would come from you, but I love it.

0:17:08 Eli: Say you're the pool boy. Bonjour, it is me. I'm here to balance your beans. Sorry, Tom, you were saying. By which I mean pussy hairs, okay? Fantastic. I had to get it out. So here's, can I tell you what it was? Let's come inside the bit for a second. Tom, if you don't mind holding that, just one moment right there. Pool boy in my head was a Hispanic accent and it felt problematic. French accent felt less problematic. I felt like we could all, yes, exactly. It's like, but then no one would see him except for Michelle Bachman.

0:17:28 Thomas: -huh please yeah yep oh no yeah yeah wait it's okay if you pretended senior pets just it's senior pets the pool

0:17:28 Tom: Yeah yep yep yep that's

0:17:46 Thomas: Boy

0:17:47 Tom: Fine most people who find themselves single as adults discover that like they don't know a lot of other single people they have a lot of couple friends and so all those are closed systems right and so like you kind of have nowhere to do nowhere to turn knows that it do you don't know what to do you go to the apps because that's what everybody is using but then the apps are a fucking absolute nightmare what you need to do is go out into the world and do fun stuff where people are and work work on expanding your social circle, your platonic social circle.

0:18:06 Thomas: And they fucking suck nightmare how the fuck would you know where that is who who knows where fun stuff in the world is that's not in a phone what What are you talking about, old man?

0:18:24 Tom: I mean, like you need to cultivate interests that bring you out into the world. You need to, I think this is what you really do. I think you need go about cultivating interests that will bring you in connection with other people to expand your social cycle and

0:18:39 Eli: That's exactly what my advice was going to

0:18:42 Tom: Work on platonic connections because they'll know your buddy that you now met when you're at, well, I don't know, man, like then be single. Like, this is what you've got to do.

0:18:46 Thomas: What if you don't have time for any of that? Damn it.

0:18:52 Eli: Be tim doesn't have nine podcasts thomas you can't

0:18:54 Thomas: Oh, okay. No, I was just asking for me.

0:18:55 Tom: It's not shopping. The thing is, like, it's not shopping. Like, the apps treat it like it's shopping. And of course that's going to go bad. Like all of the incentives that the apps are designed to build, like none of the incentives are for you to find somebody to connect with. All of the incentives are aligned against you intentionally because that's not where the money works.

0:19:15 Thomas: And now with ChatGPT writing half the profiles and half the messages or more.

0:19:18 Eli: Writing all the profiles and the messages yeah it makes it worse yeah

0:19:21 Thomas: Yeah, it's like worse than ever.

0:19:22 Tom: Genuinely, make a bunch of new platonic friends. Find single people to connect with single guys single girls you've got yes it's it's different now like life is different now that you've just got to accept like your life is difference now and it can be really great it can be a lot of fun you can have a ton of fun go out and like fucking I don't know what your interests are tim I don's fucking know you join a hiking club or some shit do something yeah

0:19:27 Thomas: Oh, that's so fucking hard. I'm just going to be single.

0:19:30 Eli: Suck their dicks maybe just really try I want to point this out because this is important right because I think this is another mistake people make which is they're like oh I got to get out there and do things so they try a bunch of new shit they don't like and it sucks

0:20:00 Tom: Don't don't do shit you don't like. Yeah.

0:20:01 Eli: What I'm saying and Tim, I don't know what your likes are, right? But I'm going to pretend that your likes are my likes, which is watching people who are the little spoons be punished in some kind of group setting, maybe a Coliseum environment, right. Do the thing you love without the intention of dating anybody. This is very important because I can smell a 39 year old man hunting for pussy here in my basement.

0:20:24 Eli: I can already smell it. I could smell a man who is trying to date wherever wherever it is. So just put it out of your mind. Put it out of your mind. I'm not going to date anybody at this thing. I am a monk. I am a nun. I I'm a priest without the molesting. And you go out and you do the things that you love. You go watch.

0:20:39 Thomas: For a second. I thought you were saying that was the interest you were going to do.

0:20:44 Eli: This is convoluted. No.

0:20:44 Thomas: I was like, this is weird strategy. OK, take an interest in nunnery.

0:20:47 Eli: In not fucking and then you've nailed it. No, you go and you that hobby, that thing you like and eventually, one of two things will happen. Number one, guaranteed, you're doing the thing you like. It's super fun and you're single so you can go to all the fun things then you will find you will absolutely find

0:21:04 Thomas: What if the thing you like is Magic the Gathering? No, no

0:21:08 Tom: Then you will. The odds are not in your favor. The units are

0:21:11 Eli: No no look

0:21:12 Thomas: It's not that no women play magic it's that they all absolutely are already in a relationship that's all yeah

0:21:18 Eli: Not necessarily

0:21:20 Tom: Also 10 ,000 to one. It is a 10 ,001 ratio.

0:21:21 Eli: Yeah look if your interests are male oriented you're obviously going to end up around more men than women but they do make up 50 of the population so you will eventually run into a rogue woman but here's the thing option one you're gonna have fun doing a thing you you already like, you're going to make groups of friends. That's going to enrich your life and fill the loneliness problem without worrying about acceptance and rejection and dealing with that. It's also going to build your social skills. It'll build your circle so that you're going to get invited to more parties, more events. You're going be eating dinner with people. There's going to be more chances for you to meet someone with a romantic interest in a low -stakes enjoyable enjoyable environment and then option two is when there is another single person there who is the gender or genders that you're interested in you already have a connection point it's the easiest thing in the world because you both like watching little spoons be fed to lions and you'd be like oh my god did you see last week the guy who was like please I voted third party and she's gonna be like yeah she's going to be like that was amazing I love that one I loved it when they had two bears and an ox and he'd be oh my gosh they should

0:22:16 Thomas: They finally got thomas

0:22:29 Eli: Go back to that you just start talking The key is, the key, I will tell you, and I haven't been single for a very long time, the key is do not rush into dating someone, just be their friend. I have never in my whole life met, and this is a stereotype that I think just does not hold true anymore, I've never met a woman who waits for a guy to ask her out. I know tons of couples who the dude was like, this is my buddy Claire, and she was like Like, if you don't start dating me, I'm going to shoot you in the eyeball with this salt gun. And he was like, oh, okay, yeah, cool, Claire, I like that. I know a ton of those couples. I don't know any of that bashful eye -batting -behind -the -fan thing that the meninists want you to think happens. So don't worry about making the first move. Don't worry About asking someone out or making anything. They will let you know when they are ready to be dated. And by being a friend you will just have more people in your life who think positively of you they're

0:23:03 Tom: Want

0:23:35 Ad: [Ad break 2 — ad music]

0:23:37 Tom: To actually push back a little bit on something that Eli had said, but just very gently. Like I know Eli, you said like Like, do stuff you like. And generally, I agree with that. But I also want to say, like, it's okay at this point in your life. You're reinventing a lot of things about yourself. This is a good opportunity to expand your interests. If you want to meet women and you only do male -focused stuff, you're very unlikely to meet a lot of women. You're very likely to meet male -focussed stuff. You're unlikely to met a lot people who will hook you up or connect you with other women and be like, hey, this is a great guy, Tim, let me introduce you. It's okay. Okay, if you want to meet women, it's okay to be like, I will try some things out. This is an opportunity. There's a lot of reinvention that goes along, very typically, that goes alone with this period in your life.

0:24:21 Tom: And I do think this is a time in your life where you can say, you know what? I've never tried X, Y, or Z interest before. It's not something that has appealed to me in the past, but maybe I'll give it a whirl and give it away. People should push themselves to find and expand their social circles. If you you just do the things you've always been comfortable doing, you're unlikely to get new results. You're very, very unlikely to getting your results. So like really do consider like, all right, these are the things that are easy interests for me, but are they the only things that you can be interested in? Probably not. If all that you do is a bunch of male focused shit, don't be surprised that you're around a bunch of dudes all the time and then wonder where all the girls are. The girls are somewhere, man. They're 50 % of the the population. But if you choose to only go to magic tournaments, they're not going to be there.

0:25:11 Eli: Mostly in the mountains you got to find them with the yes they love

0:25:11 Thomas: Yeah go to true crime podcast conventions Oh, commit a murder. Hold on. Murder a CEO. Do stuff the women are into.

0:25:15 Tom: Yes. But seriously, like get into like the other thing, too.

0:25:19 Eli: Those commit a murder yeah dude murder a ceo I mean even if it wasn't going to get you any murder a CEO if there's anything we say it's our new catchphrase after rip into it is a CEO and with the rip we mean shoot them here on Dear Old Dads

0:25:28 Thomas: Murder a C. Murder a c.

0:25:37 Tom: I'll add to that adult dating is way different than you remember, Tim. This part I can connect with. So I did not date as an adult at all. Like I had not I didn't date at all as an an adult and then I was in my 30s and I was dating. And I was like, well, what? And I had no idea what to expect. It's nothing like it was when you were a young person. Young people date differently. Adults, they know what they want.

0:26:05 Tom: Adults tend to be more upfront, more straightforward, like a lot less game playing bullshit. It is like, hey, here is who I am. You go on a date or two and you are like, yes, this is working. Yes, this isn't working. Cool. Peace. We are out. It is different than when you are a teenager. It ist different than in your early 20s. It just doesn't function the same.

0:26:02 Eli: They have walkmans

0:26:21 Thomas: Yeah, you'll go on a date that seems 100 % great, and then you'll never hear from the person again, Again, because it actually was like somehow wasn't that. Yeah. So speaking for a friend, it

0:26:30 Tom: Yeah. I've just found that everybody's really straightforward. When I was... The

0:26:31 Eli: Now lydia please insert free minutes of silence after that thing

0:26:37 Thomas: Was actually Lydia. I never even got a date from the apps. It's impossible.

0:26:38 Eli: That does and

0:26:38 Tom: Little bit of dating that I did when I was single, everybody was super straightforward. Everybody was very comfortable saying what they wanted, what they needed. Super easy. I think Tim will find that it's a very different experience and different better than the way that you date when you're a kid. The way you date when you'RE a really young person, people aren't as comfortable responsible advocating for themselves in the same way because they don't know themselves very well by the time you're in your 30s you know yourself so like you go out on a date you're like that's not for me yeah cool it's not for Me either and then that's it or you like you're going to date like this is great I love it and it's like yeah this is Great I love It like things happen quicker I think is my been my experience right

0:27:21 Eli: Can I give this piece of advice go to therapy do a little check -in at therapy and I'll tell you why tim I'm sure you're a perfectly normal guy I'm sure the divorce was fine you made it out okay I know a bunch of guys who came out of their divorce course, fucked up, but they are not aware of it. So they were like, dating hasn't been going well because every time anyone says the word muscle, I cry because of course, you know, Mr. Universe is the one who she left me for. Right.

0:27:24 Thomas: Date your therapist. Yeah.

0:27:47 Eli: And so take a little trip down to therapy lane and just tell your therapist, Hey, I want to start dating again. And I want To make sure that I'm in a healthy place. I thought I'd talk through some of my goals and sort of talk about what I'm looking for and what I want in a partner run that past an impartial person and that therapist if they are a good therapist and I hope they are will let you know whether or not you need to pump the brakes and do some work at home before you go out there selling your wares because that's really important she's

0:28:14 Tom: Dude a hundred percent I did that I I was like yep I need to talk to somebody because I've got some weird ideas I need to get rid of them and like I went and talked to somebody and had some weird Ideas and I mostly got rid of them

0:28:23 Thomas: And then you got them all back before coming, doing this podcast, I guess. Why can't I shock myself awake? No.

0:28:26 Eli: Not supposed to rip your head off afterwards that doesn't make any sense which girls do breathe fire just the one that's crazy I think you're wrong on that one so yeah that's that's a lot of the the advice when it comes to dating. Also, I would say this, coffee dates are always better than dinner or booze dates.

0:28:51 Thomas: No, that's true. Well, Tom, your experience was you had an amazing friend named Thomas Smith who introduced you to Haley. So, you know, sit this one out. That's true! Oh, we're both very, very, uh, yeah,

0:28:58 Eli: At Eli Bosnick's live show. At Eli Bosnick's live show!

0:28:59 Tom: Way no wait no I didn't get introduced at the live show what well you remember very

0:29:06 Eli: That's how I remember it. I'm pretty sure I know how you met your wife, Tom.

0:29:09 Thomas: I wasn't introduced. Yeah, Eli would remember. Yeah.

0:29:14 Tom: Wrong no Thomas Smith introduced Thomas Smith set the play and then I reached out to her on Facebook messenger and then yeah we

0:29:20 Thomas: Tom did everything. It was like, hey, I know you guys would like each other. That was at the end of story. But point is,

0:29:26 Eli: But then you went to my live show and that's where you were really solidified in your love.

0:29:28 Tom: By by the time I went to your live show we had already we'd already been talking for three months

0:29:29 Thomas: They're married. They have several children.

0:29:35 Eli: Yeah, but you were only, she was only talking to you because she wanted you to come to the live show that's what she's all you talked about was like we're so excited to see the live Show Eli's gonna be there, voice of a generation

0:29:38 Tom: No that's true that's yeah yeah

0:29:38 Thomas: Anyway, Tom, nowadays, because of the apps. OK, if you're if your theory is you're not doing the apps, then maybe. OK. That's great. If you do this weird method where there's a world outside of computers and phones that I don't know about, I guess. Sure. But if you do in the apps I can't recommend enough, the coffee date. Don't try to do a big, you know, to do, cause it's like odds of it working out are so low. And it's, like, people are doing so many dates in these things and, like trying to, trying to muster the enthusiasm for, like a 10th dinner date that isn't going to go anywhere in the fiscal week. It, uh, yeah. Coffee dates highly recommend.

0:30:19 Tom: Well all right I don't know I have never done the app so like but my I mean like it feels to me like if you're trying to say I'm interested in you then like low effort examples of my interest or not. I couldn't do that. I just couldn't do that,

0:30:31 Thomas: I think it depends on the prior relationship.

0:30:33 Eli: I think if you have a friendship that has turned into a dating relationship a dinner date is definitely the way to go but I think of you just swiped on beepboop .com

0:30:35 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was going to say. Yeah

0:30:42 Eli: And you're trying to figure out a first time to see each other's faces

0:30:44 Tom: But don't you chit chat for a while first? Cause like, okay. So the only, I didn't have a lot of dating experiences. Like the only dating experience I had through the app, like I said, it was a match. I did match .com. I met one lady. We chit chatted a

0:30:54 Eli: Plenty of fish calm only farmers

0:30:56 Tom: Little bit over like

0:30:58 Thomas: He did Ashley Madison. And then there's that hack. No, I don't know.

0:31:01 Tom: We chit chatted for a While we got to kind of know each other or whatever. I remember she actually was like, Hey, is there any reason we shouldn't meet up in person? And I was like nope. And I'm like, let's get together this Friday or whatever it was. But like yeah I can't imagine being like let's meet for coffee by this time we had talked long enough that

0:31:09 Thomas: Well, I do shock myself awake every day. Hmm.

0:31:10 Eli: I'm three kids in an overcoat tom's

0:31:19 Tom: Like we'd gotten to know each other fairly like we like we talked for a week or something before we got to together and I'm like I wouldn't want to express my interest by showing you a low effort kind of moment like that's that's me personally I'd be like I'd rather have dinner like if I'm actually interested in this I don't wantto be like here's a low -effort eight dollar coffee you know

0:31:35 Thomas: I think, I think if you're sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think it really depends. I recommend. Yeah. If it's the kind of thing where you're still looking around and you know, you're still like, there's, there'S a lot of, yeah.

0:31:46 Eli: Also an all -in poker player everybody he's he's

0:31:49 Thomas: On the first hand going blind. Yeah.

0:31:49 Eli: Fucking push all my chips into the set they didn't deal the cards out yet I push all of my chips

0:31:55 Thomas: Hey, if it works, it works.

0:31:55 Eli: Into the center and it worked it worked great it worked fucking great have you heard our show

0:32:00 Thomas: That's how he met that girl on your live show. Yeah.

0:32:02 Eli: Yeah exactly that's how he got a chance to come to my live show which was his goal and her goal and everyone's goal

0:32:04 Tom: Right all right so you guys are proponents of the coffee date I

0:32:08 Thomas: Yeah oh the apps the apps

0:32:12 Eli: Especially if you don't know each other well I think the shorter the date you going to read the, the more exit strategy, the better. I think if you're in a, a vibe already, and you feel like spending some time with this person to solidify that vibe into a dating relationship, a dinner date is a great idea.

0:32:28 Thomas: Let me come at it this way to you tom it's also for her because like in this environment if you're trying to be insistent on a dinner date like a lot of women are dealing with the fact that the apps are hell and like I think giving that quick chance to show you're a safe person prior to the the next date which might be the dinner date is the way to go

0:32:44 Tom: Okay yeah maybe this is just like an

0:32:48 Thomas: I think so I think

0:32:48 Tom: App etiquette thing I didn't know like this might be app etiquett and I didn'T realize that so that seems fair I'll tell you what second date better not be a fucking cup of coffee

0:32:53 Eli: Applicant.

0:32:56 Thomas: No can we talk about these fucking apps though it's incredible It's absolutely incredible because all it is, is nine bajillion thousand trillion men, four women. And even though my, like I have two pieces of advice, which is all I hear from are women, including Lydia, by the way, who get messages that are the lowest effort garbage shit. Right. Right.

0:32:57 Eli: Hey,

0:33:00 Tom: Though yeah how great they are

0:33:22 Thomas: And then, so my advice would be, Hey, it's so easy as a dude, in terms of the approach, write a message that incorporates something from their profile, actually show you took a second of time. That's what every woman I've ever talked to on the apps says. That'S everything they say, take the time to actually read their profile. Give a thoughtful thing. At the same time, if I apply that to myself, it doesn't work because every girl has gotten 40 ,000 messages. So it's like you don't they don't even see you unless maybe you pay for the fucking Tinder platinum gold diamond and then you do like a super thing.

0:33:57 Eli: Put you in a box.

0:33:57 Thomas: But then that always comes across as like kind of desperate, you know, if it's Like they've paid for the super Tinder pro diamond, whatever.

0:34:03 Tom: So they can see that you paid for super tinder or whatever like double tinder

0:34:06 Eli: Oh yeah. It does like a little flappy bird on their screen.

0:34:06 Thomas: Oh, I forget. I think they can.

0:34:09 Eli: It's the best Tom. It would put you in a depression for six months to just, honestly, if we could just sit Tom down on a live stream and explain to him the workings of Tinder, especially the super likes that you pay for, where you pay 99 cents to be like, but I really like you. Would you talk to me first? Yeah.

0:34:13 Thomas: Yeah, it's genuinely depressing. Yeah.

0:34:26 Tom: Are you fucking kidding me oh no yeah I would rather be alone

0:34:28 Thomas: Yeah, you have to because it's absolutely it's Absolutely inundated. Absolutely in every single. Yeah.

0:34:33 Tom: No I would rather reach into the center of my heart and turn it off than have to do this

0:34:40 Eli: Can I tell you what I've been enjoying? And I'm not on any of the apps, but I have some friends who are. So there's a great moment that happens at the beginning of any app. And this app that I'm about to talk about is in that moment right now. All the apps started in Suck to Dick Corner, where people who meant business got there to get down to business. And then the straights come and thank you at

0:34:55 Thomas: I don't know if that's true, but okay.

0:34:58 Tom: It doesn't matter thomas you know what he thinks he thinks I met hayley at the live show like Like,

0:35:01 Thomas: That's true. You make a good point. You make a point. And I still have a black wife. That is something that Eli decided. And I am from LA. Yeah. Weird.

0:35:03 Eli: The live show and that's you fell in love over my tremendous talent exactly exactly you are from la that's true and so they do that and then the straight's come and they ruin it because they're like oh I get the ick when a man uses his left hand or whatever the fuck it is right it's just it turns it into this horrible game and the guys are like, yeah, Trump, girl, girl fished, right? It's just the worst, right.

0:35:21 Thomas: They are all pictures of fishing. Every single one.

0:35:29 Eli: The straights people just ruin everything, but the new app opens. And for just a minute, for like literally 30 seconds, the first 30 seconds that app is open, the straight people who mean business are on it. Cause they're like, Hey, we started a new app because we mean business. We want to get down to business. And that app right now is field. And let me tell you there are some dirty it's not that new there are some dirty folks on field first of all field is just first names which can I say has some real we didn't learn anything from the 80s vibes about it the second is the things you put on your profile are things that you admit on your birthday on your 10th anniversary of marriage and they're just like if If you're not pegging, I'm not legging. It's fucking...

0:35:49 Thomas: Wait. That that's not new. Yeah. Yeah, it's nuts.

0:36:19 Tom: Wait,

0:36:20 Eli: Because here's the thing. Screenshots exist. The amount of CIA -level security I would need to admit those things about myself that people are just, like, casually tossing up with a little emoticon next to it on the field app.

0:36:32 Thomas: Yeah it's crazy. As a prerequisite for even talking to them. Yeah, I went on field for a sec. That's because that's a good poly one or it's one of the ones they say is like better for poly whatever. And that one's nuts that one is like people are field and it's spelled weird.

0:36:46 Tom: What is that one called?

0:36:47 Eli: Field. And it's spelled wrong.

0:36:50 Tom: Oh God. Yeah, I just,

0:36:50 Thomas: No, Tom, you could not and should not do the apps like strongly in in 2012 maybe

0:36:53 Tom: I never, yeah. Like, yeah, if something ever happened to Haley, I seriously, I'll just stare at a corner until my heart stops. I'll be like, yeah I'm just going to take care of kids. And then when they're done and they don't need me anymore then I'm going to be like I'm gonna turn to the West and start walking.

0:37:08 Tom: And whatever happens after that happens after to that. I don't care about me anymore.

0:37:11 Thomas: First note in the bonus story I gotta tell a story about lydia and the apps that I think she'll appreciate me talking so I'm teaser patron only bonus story I'm gonna tell a funny story secondly yeah tom uh also I think there is a luxury of in the poly life you know obviously it's not like life or death about the dating so it's like I couldn't imagine like if I were just newly single I think I would take your guys's advice I I think because the apps are just hell they're just hell I mean it's worth rolling the fucking dice or whatever what are they tossing the rolling the what am I trying to say

0:37:46 Tom: Rolling the dice is the phrase. Yeah. Yeah.

0:37:48 Thomas: I started saying rolling the dice and then I was like what do you roll dice do you do you role them is that what you do anyway really you roll them okay uh so it's work it's it's worth doing that just to see but yeah I think maybe when I put myself in that situation of the listener like yeah I think you guys might be on to something like just trying to do real stuff and meet real people and not feel that like pressure

0:37:53 Tom: You roll the dice, Thomas. Yeah, it's a roll of the die. Yeah yeah.

0:38:10 Tom: Yeah, because that's like how people used to meet people before giant mega corporations tried to commodify human connection. That's just how it happened. You just hung out with your friends. Friends that's how you met people it

0:38:21 Thomas: I don't even think it's that yeah yes yes the dating apps just are a matter of fucking the numbers are bad for like the amount of men to women because of just the dynamics of like how all the shit works you know it's like it's just it's weird

0:38:36 Tom: Also reaches into that corner of your brain that like app designers and fucking social media companies want to tickle rather than trying to get you to actually connect with somebody right it teaches you that there's always something better around the corner it's it's all that shit all the worst shit that we know about like from addiction specialists about like why these things are bad for you right right exactly like what do they call it in video gaming like the prize boxes or whatever the loot

0:38:41 Thomas: That's fair yeah that's exactly yeah yeah yeah the roulette thing or the slot machine machine feeling of it. Yeah. Oh, loop box.

0:39:10 Eli: Lootbox, yeah.

0:39:10 Thomas: Yeah, loop. I met this girl in the loop box fucking sweet.

0:39:09 Tom: Boxes loot boxes yeah like there's a reason loot but it really does it like they're intentionally built to do the same shit and on the same principles they're not built for you to connect with somebody as soon as you connect with with somebody you stop using it so why would it be good at helping you stop using it it's not

0:39:16 Eli: Tootbox.

0:39:25 Thomas: That's true. That is true. One of the companies did that as their tagline. They're like, we're the only product that our goal is for you to not use us. Who was that? Was that match? That was one of them where they made that their whole selling point. Like we want you to not have to use this app anymore. And I don't know if it worked.

0:39:43 Tom: Yeah just think for a second and follow through like you're an economist like what are the incentives around this product and they tell you that it won't work for you to find connection they tell you that the incentives will tell you that don't use the fucking apps they're garbage there are there are morass like you can't fuck those things I just get a

0:40:04 Thomas: Hey,

0:40:06 Eli: Unless you're a member of suck to dick corner and then be safe out there

0:40:09 Thomas: And, and maybe you're you're flexible. Maybe, maybe you see the apps and you're like, maybe I will join suck to dick corner. At least there's something happening over there. At last there's verifiable people in that corner who meet each other.

0:40:16 Eli: Everybody let me say this can't say this hey come on over if you're like on the outskirts of a suck to dick corner that's professional shit that's backflips let's just stay that's people on there are doing some shit that they're working through they'reworking through stuff generationally don't be like maybe a boyfriend just fucking leave scruff alone that's what I'm saying let's leave If they can't get into the app store, maybe they shouldn't be on your phone. You know what I'm saying?

0:40:48 Eli: I think a lot of you know what I'm saying. Just keep it chill out there.

0:40:57 Ad: [Ad break 3 — ad music]

0:40:58 Thomas: I did one final serious point about the question I wanted to talk about is the indicating that you're interested in somebody portion of it. And now I think we've talked about this. That was never anything I struggled with. I learned in college that I was like, just kind of too flirty, nothing weird, but I was just always like a little too too willing to flirt. And I learned like, yeah, yeah. So I'm coming from sort of the other side of it. So, I can't really relate to this, but I do think that there are people who talk about just having no idea if someone's interested or how to show they're interested. And, and I just think like, I'm wondering if you guys have any advice about that. Cause I just think it's like subtle little things, but like finding an opportunity to speak, finding an opportunity for a very very little modest touch like maybe on the hand maybe on the you know very something very you know restraint but like and being incredibly sensitive to is this person liking this encouraging it or are they pulling back from it at all and if they're pulling back at all get the fuck out of there and leave forever sure

0:41:17 Eli: I've certainly found that to be true in our show. Right.

0:41:58 Eli: Step one. Can this person escape this situation comfortably? Right. Exactly.

0:42:01 Thomas: Yeah don't wait till an elevator at 3 a .m. after yeah no 100 % yeah

0:42:06 Tom: Dog it reminds me of the always sunny in philadelphia episode where he's like you get him on the boat because of the implication don't do that tim don't go on a boat date no boat dates

0:42:12 Eli: Implication. Yes, exactly. It's the implications. Yeah.

0:42:19 Thomas: Not yeah not dark parking lot you know a parking garage and none of

0:42:19 Eli: Get on a boat date. How would you like to meet Christopher Walken, huh? Is that exciting? That's a great natalie wood joke and I I know some old person out there deeply enjoyed it I was I was counting on you tom I don't know what anybody thinks

0:42:28 Thomas: That what oh oh gosh I

0:42:35 Tom: I'll answer the question as best I can I think it's a hard question to actually answer but like as far as like how do you indicate your interest without being creepy genuinely just say you're interested and don't be a creep about it you're adults you don't have to play these fucking 17 18 22 year old games where you're like trying to be coy with each other you're a 39 year old man tim you can just say hey I'm really interested I'd like to take you out for a cup of coffee because people don't eat food anymore it's 2025 and I'm lazy

0:43:04 Thomas: Heard this on a podcast I'm still mad about it

0:43:06 Eli: But first first tim you got to do the bear test you guys know the bear text

0:43:13 Thomas: Is this more of your secta dick corner stuff okay

0:43:14 Eli: This is the bear task no this is a good this is a metric right so whenever you're about to ask someone out in an environment I want you to imagine that an american black bear has also been at that event and you and that american black bear have really been getting along you've been having a good conversation you and the bear are into the same stuff maybe you've seen them at the board game night a couple of times the american black bear that 355 pound american black bear hangs out at that place where you are and right before you're about to ask out that person the american blackbear turns to you and goes hey tim I don't know if you've really felt this but I really feel a connection between us and I'd love love to take you to dinner sometime how comfortable would you be turning down that american black

0:43:25 Thomas: Good

0:43:53 Tom: Uh put

0:43:59 Eli: Bear would it be awkward for you to go back to that place would you feel unsafe american black bears kill more people than polar bears american blackbear right there in the middle of the restaurant yeah if you feel like you can turn down the american blackberry and sort of make your way away safely then you can absolutely make your move on that person but if it would be awkward and difficult for you to return to that place or remain in that place with an American black bear, you should not put another person in that position.

0:43:59 Thomas: Advice

0:44:29 Eli: Bear test. Also, don't ever turn down an American Black Bear. It'll rock your world.

0:44:28 Thomas: Good advice I was gonna say I can't think of a place where I would be okay turning down an american black bear like I think like maybe if they were in a cage already and I was like okay so that's how you should ask people have someone Will someone wheel you in like Hannibal Lecter on the dolly? Yeah.

0:44:44 Tom: Yourself in a cage

0:44:39 Eli: Nightclub? Yeah, exactly. Put yourself in a cage and then scoot up to a lady.

0:44:46 Tom: I'm being quiet because I don't really understand that advice tim just don't be creepy man like just don't beat creepy

0:44:50 Eli: Put yourself in a caige.

0:44:52 Thomas: Well, also, Tom, I also, once again, our advice, I think, was slightly different situations. Like I was envisioning like sort of an earlier on getting to know people type flirting thing where it's like you're not quite at the phase where you're wanting to say like I'm interested, but, you know, gauging that initial interest. Maybe you're at a party, maybe you're out of whatever, gathering or whatever. I don't know. It is tricky. I think some people just feel like they have no sense of it. But it's like what you always say, Tom. It's like, no, your audience actually pay attention to their indicators. Like if someone's finding an excuse to not be around you, like there's things that people just completely ignore, you know?

0:45:28 Tom: I think that one of the things that people do when they're goal focused like I really want to get a date I really wanted to meet somebody is they're thinking about that and not listening to the other person and not paying attention to the other person and not actually like discovering that person in any real or meaningful way. And so if you're focused on this goal, if you'RE trying to do something, I'm trying to accomplish something, you're not really present. You're not really hearing. And you're going to have a hard time reading cues because you're actually not paying strict attention. What you're trying to do is create an impression. That's a bad call. Don't do that. Just meet somebody. Like just Just focus on meeting somebody. It kind of goes back to the original advice Eli and I were giving. Like, really just try to focus on meeting somebody I really do think that for 99 % of people if you are genuinely trying to connect with somebody and you're not really worried about whether you connect with them as a friend or a romantic partner it will not be unclear what their interest level is. It really won't. You'll sense it out real easily. I think the problem a lot of people have is they're not wirklich listening. They've got a goal. They've gotta focus. They're not actually attentive to the other person. And I think that if you're not really attentive to the person and then you're like, well, I missed all the cues. It's like, well, you weren't fucking paying attention.

0:46:46 Tom: I really think that that's a big chunk of it.

0:46:46 Eli: Great advice. All right, gentlemen, before we go, did you know that the first French fries weren't cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

0:46:49 Clip: DEAR OLD DAD

0:47:04 Tom: Oh my God.

0:47:05 Thomas: I like it.

0:47:05 Tom: These are so bad. I love them.

0:47:55 Eli: A picture of an auto ad holding a fish, exactly. God damn it, Thomas's ADD.

0:48:01 Thomas: God damn it. My ADD. I thought that and then I unthought it and then rethought it.

0:48:06 Eli: Bonjour, it is me. I'm here to balance your branch.

0:48:10 Tom: Well, I don't know, man. Like then be single.

0:48:13 Eli: I'm a monk, I'm an nun, I'ma priest without the molesting.