DOD93: Your MOM Is A Facebook Quiz! heh

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Tom: Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's just asking questions about your mom. I'm Tom Curry. I am joined, as always, by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

0:00:40 Eli: I I got it in one this week. There's no way to twist those words. That is what the episode's about.

0:00:44 Thomas: That Yeah. That was actually my favorite one you've ever done. That was just, you know, I just want to say that.

0:00:49 Tom: Oh, good. Good. Yeah. Yeah

0:00:52 Eli: We twist Tom's words more and more each episode, he's just going to be like, today's episode's about fish sticks, okay? That's it. Tom Curry, Thomas Smith, Eli Bosnick, go, go.

0:00:56 Tom: Nazi fish sticks? Are they Nazi fish Fish sticks, incest, Nazi fish sticks. Great, yeah, all right.

0:01:01 Eli: Oh, And Hey Tom, what a great transition, because, you know, the only thing worse than incest and Nazis, that's Right, It's the auto ads, the auto adds, oh, they'll be there inside your ears any moment, they're coming, coming down the mountain As They come and the only way you can escape the Nazi incest fish sticks is to support this show over at patreon.com/dearolddads. We'll get not only an extended parenting story at the end of every single episode that Tom has the to do, but you'll also get ad-free versions of the show. That's right. Even when Tom doesn't feel like it, you get

0:01:11 Tom: Fish sticks?

0:01:20 Thomas: Fish sticks.

0:01:21 Tom: Okay, one time. What

0:01:43 Eli: An ad -free version of the show over at patreon.com/dearolddads. Dear old dads, Patreon. No, quonk. That's our new catchphrase. If you want your nuh -uh quonk t -shirt, you can find that over on Patreon. It's under the Scoodle tab. God, I fucking hate Patreon. Cut that.

0:01:43 Tom: The fuck?

0:01:45 Thomas: I don't remember agreeing to that, but okay. Yeah.

0:02:07 Eli: Thomas, how Thomas, cut much I hate the platform that feeds my baby.

0:02:06 Thomas: It's so bad. It's SO bad. I know.

0:02:12 Tom: It's so bad, though. It is so bad.

0:02:12 Thomas: It's... Oh, God.

0:02:13 Eli: Because time I say it, people are like, hey man, don't worry, I'll delete my pledge. And I'm like, please, for the love of

0:02:17 Thomas: Please Don't Oh

0:02:18 Tom: That's not at all what I'm saying.

0:02:19 Eli: God, Continue to give an ungodly percentage of the money you mean for me to that asshole in a hat and his band of just screaming howler monkey venture capitalists, please don't stop supporting their drug habits. I need it.

0:02:33 Thomas: My God, I Can't start talking about Because now I'll do, hey, is it a fellow, like, parenting issue to be fucking pissed at Patreon? Is that a nor- Can we, hey, dads gather around, dads.

0:02:43 Eli: Hey, dads, You know, you know, when, once again, they have asked for different levels of RSS feeds for literally over a decade, but your guy in a weird hat just keeps adding different ways to stream your content even though nobody wants that on Patreon. Am I right?

0:02:45 Thomas: Yeah, and Just adds different ways to not be able to find anything that you want. Like, like, I'm not a boomer. I love tech. I promise. I promise I'm not a boomer. This website turns me into fucking Noah. This website turns me into fucking mom trying to do, I'm like, where's the one thing I need to do? No idea. No idea, you know what I can see? Is I, Patron too, of course, like I pledge other shows. That's all it shows me. It's like, oh, you know how this is your entire livelihood, but also you pledge to some shows to hear, you know, like really cool content sometimes, that's all I'll show you, you're just that you're also a patron every

0:03:02 Eli: Yeah.

0:03:11 Eli: Here's

0:03:32 Tom: Yeah.

0:03:33 Eli: It, unless you switch your account over for the first thing you do. Imagine if you opened your banking app, right, and the first think that it showed you was your language settings every time, it was like, English, Spanish, Chinese, that's

0:03:36 Thomas: Single time you log in oh

0:03:47 Tom: Use for, for Patreon on my phone to actually consume, I, I use Hayley's login and actually pledges to our shows to my, my own shows, because otherwise I have to toggle between logins if I want to listen to the Dear Old Dad's episode or the the Cog Dis episode or the citation, I've got to actually be like, okay, I got to log out, log back. It's easier for me just to be a patron.

0:03:58 Thomas: Yeah Well, wait, you can do the RSS feeds, Tom, and put them in your podcast player, right?

0:04:10 Tom: I don't know what an RSS feed is. That's like, that's not, what

0:04:10 Thomas: Yeah okay. Tom's a boomer, I would like to differentiate differentiate, yeah.

0:04:11 Eli: Yeah. We would like to separate ourselves from Tom being, and, like, you know what I hate about Patreon is that it's stealing your blood and turning little clones of you so that they put it, John Ham tortures it, three

0:04:16 Thomas: Yeah Look, Every movement has their crazies.

0:04:21 Tom: Look, look, many steps would it be for me to import the RSS feed into, like, my podcast player?

0:04:33 Eli: Three.

0:04:33 Tom: Okay. That is way too many steps. I

0:04:35 Thomas: Yeah.

0:04:33 Eli: Okay. There we go, you know what, that's

0:04:36 Tom: Eli, I want you to hear me right now, what I'm going to do is I'm gonna press on an app and then I'm gonna search for whatever, I'm, I'm literally never gonna do any different thing. Like, if it requires any moment of setup for anything, I don't want to do it. I'd rather actually not have it than then have to do setup.

0:04:48 Eli: Fair. There's

0:04:50 Thomas: Matter how righteous your movement is, there are always some crazies associated with you, and sometimes You know what, we need Tom's vote, like, we just need his vote. I don't particularly agree with everything he says, but he's on our side, we need him in this fight, I guess.

0:04:58 Tom: Yeah. You got to pander to me. Get to pandering. Get

0:04:55 Eli: Always some crazies. Yeah. We need Time. Yep. Tom Is truly the Green Party of this podcast, I've always said that, oh,

0:05:06 Tom: To pandering.

0:05:11 Thomas: Dads, I have some uh audio that I need a forensic analysis of for you guys. I'm surprising you guys with this, I just, this is from this morning, actually, very, very not long ago, so this is now, here's the thing, I am, you, several rooms distance over and at least one closed door, so it's, it's a little faint, but I think we'll be able to get the picture, yeah.

0:05:16 Eli: Oh.

0:05:18 Tom: Okay.

0:05:40 Eli: You got aliens, huh? You got the aliens.

0:05:43 Thomas: Yeah You

0:05:43 Tom: Is that a cricket? Is that Eli's cricket in the background just being tortured? Is that tortured cricket of Eli's

0:05:48 Thomas: Yeah. It's it

0:05:48 Eli: Oh, torture cricket. Cats.

0:05:49 Thomas: Might be some sort of, like, cat, cat, like, like, know, I, I thought there was a word for them, but I might just be too tired, I almost said like cat of prey. What are the cats that are like, they'll kill you, you know, like, but one of the bit like, a, not, you know, know, like, a fucking saber-toothed tiger, like a fuck, you know, yeah.

0:05:58 Tom: A cat of prey.

0:05:55 Eli: Cats Tom. Don't help him, let him find it himself. You, you were at cat of prey, you can do this, bud, cat of prey is good, That's where you, oh.

0:06:15 Thomas: Cataphray. Yeah.

0:06:11 Tom: Cat of Yeah, I, I feel like you nailed it with cat of pray. Cat of play. I think, if that's not a phrase, we're coining it right now, here on Dear Old Dads.

0:06:18 Thomas: It's not that.

0:06:20 Tom: That's it. It's a cat of prey. It's like a cat -of -nine -tails, but just of prey, yeah.

0:06:19 Eli: Yeah. That's

0:06:22 Thomas: Okay, look, I'm gonna yeah, I'm going to boost that a thousand for the listeners so they will have heard the horrendous um story, just the awful ghoulish fucking poltergeist that I live, live with. Now that's my, that's my son, Remy Smith.

0:06:40 Eli: Lydia, yeah.

0:06:41 Thomas: Yeah. Now a I, lot of this will be in my lawsuit, my legal action against Remy, but but, I I'll give it to you here as well, might ask what's happening to him. Is he being burned alive? Is, Is, somebody, did someone drop him? Is he dying? Is he sound? No, probably just someone didn't make solid eye contact with him for 1.3 seconds. Like that's probably what happened all day of every fucking day is like the worst screaming ever and and I have people, every time I bring this up, people are like, do you have, maybe you have misophonia, and I'm like, yeah, you'd have to have a disorder to be bothered by 25 hours of

0:06:41 Eli: That'll do it, well

0:07:03 Tom: Can't believe you guys.

0:07:20 Thomas: This screaming every single time you look away from him for three seconds, every time.

0:07:21 Eli: Now, Thomas, Let, let me present the alternate opinion, because I have now spent multiple hour around Remy, and in that time he was super cute, super sweet, super quiet, and asleep. So maybe, and this is controversial to say, maybe you're doing something wrong, because he was just a adorable little bowl of pudding when I held him, didn't cry once, yeah.

0:07:43 Thomas: Yeah maybe oh my

0:07:44 Tom: Well, I can offer to you a glimmer of hope. Thomas Smith. So as you recall, Amon was colicky as fuck. So Amon just screamed constantly, you know, and I will say, thankfully, that only lasted 14 months without respite. So did break.

0:08:03 Thomas: God, I'm close then, yeah, like, okay, I

0:08:04 Tom: Yeah,

0:08:04 Eli: You're almost done.

0:08:05 Tom: It break.

0:08:05 Eli: Yeah, you're most there.

0:08:06 Thomas: Look, that Tom, that's the most helpful thing anyone has ever said to me on any parenting issue ever in my life.

0:08:06 Tom: It did

0:08:06 Eli: Yeah. Obviously.

0:08:14 Thomas: No, for real, because

0:08:13 Tom: You, buddy. I had an end date. I'm goofing around, but I'm not as well. Amen. I, literally same thing, buddy. Like I did not hold amen for the first 14 months of his life while he was awake. Because as soon as he would open his eyes and see anyone, but his mom, he would fucking scream. And be like, we'll just wait him out. I'll just wait them out. Like, I'll hold him until he likes. No, I I can hold him for six hours and I've done it.

0:08:16 Thomas: My God, no, no, no, forever, heat death of the universe, man. He'll he'll scream forever, yeah, but okay. Here, okay, I'm slightly luckier than that, Tom, in that Remy cannot be not played with or ignored, like, he has to, I'm not even exaggerating, if you stop looking at him for a second, like, he's like an alarm, I don't even know what he is, it's, it's impossible, so at least if I hold him it's actually nice, so that's the one benefit is, like, it's kind of an inverse of what you're talking about, like, if I hold him he's good. Here's the thing, we have three fucking kids and a, a lot of work, so as much as we would love to all day every day stare into his eyes unblinkingly in perfect attention to our baby, sometimes you need to take a shit, like, sometimes

0:08:37 Tom: Yeah. Right. Right.

0:09:12 Tom: You're gonna have to make hard eye contact while taking that deuce, buddy, you're going to have to bring them in on the bouncy chair, set them right across from the toilet, just hard eye contract while you're dropping loafs.

0:09:18 Eli: Yeah,

0:09:16 Thomas: Like have to do the thing like honest we're both you know we're working a lot to keep up with a lot. It's okay during the day, he's in daycare. When, when, when it's evening, night time, it's either I hold him or Lydia holds him, or we hear that the whole night. And so it's like, I'll be in an edit, you know, trying to like, all right, I'm doing this, get his head done. And Lydia's like, I got to make dinner. And I'm like, okay, yeah, you're right. And so now I have to just hold the kid the whole time she makes dinner.

There's no alternative. He just screams all that. So that was the most helpful thing you've ever said, Tom. I really appreciate that. It's hard on my life. Here's what I don't mind, this isn't meant with any anger or anything, I appreciate everyone's advice. Please don't tell me to get earplugs, I don't need that advice, I've, that advice, I appreciate it, advice received. But I just, if anyone has any ideas more on Remy's behavior, like, can we focus on him? Any ideas to make him not suck would be appreciated? Yeah.

0:09:22 Tom: Yeah.

0:10:10 Tom: So. I Will say we did discover, uh, far too late that, um, this might not be the issue at all, but for Amen, um, think was screaming all the time is, we, he found out, you know, he was severely anemic, so he was basically unwell, he was not feeling well. So, um, it just made him uncomfortable unless he was being actively nursed, which he found very comforting. So there may actually be, like, is like he breastfed, or is he

0:10:32 Thomas: I will tell you he's breastfed, but we've started, here's the thing, like, that if don't we make eye contact for 1.3 seconds, or if even if he's being held by, like, say Lydia, if anyone else is eating any food within four miles of him, then he's like, that's my food, and he just screams at you until you give it to him. But it's, we feed him like shovels full of food and he's never full, like, it's insane, I don't, I don't understand, maybe he has that disorder where he can't stop being hungry forever, maybe that's it, we gotta take him to the doctor.

0:11:03 Tom: They Call it Tom Curryism, it's I feel that I know that I I know that. I got that. I got that.

0:11:05 Eli: The Curry disease the Curry quest

0:11:09 Tom: Yeah, I feel.

0:11:08 Thomas: So uh Tom thank you for the most helpful and sentence anyone's ever given me, it may be over. Because I figured, like, eventually someday he'll have to learn to talk, he's starting to babble a bit. Someday, like, I think, here's what I think, you know, there are immense talents born from time to their generation. Mozart, prodigy, you, was a kid, and I heard he was playing piano at age three, and he was paying attention to the piano, and I was like, oh cool. Now that I'm 30, whatever I am, and I hear that he was playing that at age three, I have two kids, or six and four, I'm like, that's impossible, there's no way a three-year-old could ever do that. I think I have the kid who's the best at screaming ever to exist because yeah, oh that's a great idea because

0:11:45 Eli: There's like a death metal future yeah

0:11:48 Tom: Oh, yeah. Maybe you just got to set it to some sick guitar riffs, man. When he starts screaming, you just got to like bust it out and just start just start riffing hard on it.

0:11:52 Eli: Yeah

0:11:51 Thomas: Okay I should do that I actually should do do that. Okay. That's a great, Tom, you take steroid mind steroids today, Tom? You're full of the best fucking ideas I've ever heard in my life.

0:12:01 Eli: Yep, yeah.

0:12:03 Tom: I I feel like we've got over 100 episodes in, and all of that was shit, and all I said was, like, play some music with them. I mean, you're not making me feel good, you're making me feels self -conscious about the other hundreds of hours.

0:12:10 Thomas: No, this is amazing. This

0:12:12 Eli: Tom, take your win.

0:12:13 Thomas: This is a plus plus Tom. Yeah.

0:12:15 Eli: Yeah, it was great.

0:12:16 Thomas: Curry. Welcome to the show.

0:12:16 Eli: Just throw in, like, the government. The government. Fuck yeah.

0:12:21 Thomas: Yeah. But last thing on it, I really think that's the issue because, you know, I think most kids, when take like at least 3.8 seconds to gear up to screaming. So like, let's say I leave him for a second to go, you to go fucking pee, anything. It might take another kid a little bit to be like, ah, ah. Ah, you know, rev up, change gears, get to the screaming. And that at least gives you some amount of warning time and mental preparation. I am telling you, I wish I could get it on tape, maybe I will. Remy goes from zero to literally a fire alarm instantly, like you, you say metal singing, that might be what it is, he instantly goes from totally fine to like the highest. I can't, you can't recreate it, humans can't do it, only Remy can do it, instantly, instantaneously, it's amazing. So anyway, that's my life. Every day, all day, every day.

0:13:14 Tom: Am curious on an unrelated note, how's the plans for your vasectomy coming? Good? Because I'm guessing, I'm guessin' very good.

0:13:18 Eli: Yeah. Oh, maybe he knows you're not pushing the button. Maybe that's what it is. And he's sort of like, I'm seeing how the quality of care has degraded through the three generations and he's he's he's looking out for a little smorgasbord or whoever's next

0:13:24 Thomas: Oh, yeah, yeah.

0:13:25 Tom: Yeah, that's it. That's it, yep.

0:13:34 Thomas: God, if anything, he's the most pampered baby we've had. We can't not do it for three seconds. Otherwise, he kills us.

0:13:40 Eli: That's what he's doing, he's preventing you guys from fucking by being like, I'm just gonna, he's like, look, my dad's a coward who won't get his balls chipped off, so I gotta make them fucking regret this whole baby thing

0:13:41 Thomas: Oh, man.

0:13:43 Tom: Okay.

0:13:51 Thomas: Good luck, Remy.

0:13:52 Tom: Now, wait, stop screaming if Phoebe plays with him, Phoebe or Arlo?

0:13:55 Thomas: The kids are being saints in that, they, a while, they can hold him off. It's great, and you ever feel bad about that? That's an interesting thing, Tom, someday to talk about, is having your kids do parenting for you. Yeah.

0:14:03 Tom: Because yeah, no, I think, it depends on how much you do, you know, but I think it's perfectly fine to, like... I don't want to ,like, go fucking Duggar about it, right? But, like I think is perfectly fine, like have the kids help out. Like, you're a family, you're a team, and everybody needs to help, but like, here's something that we need help with, so that's a perfectly fine, normal thing to do, as long as it's like within reason. So, like, is that something you can be like, "All right, I got to make dinner, like, Phoebe, can you play with Remy?" You know, Arlo, but I don't know if Arlo's old enough to do that like well

0:14:08 Thomas: Oh, God, yeah, yep.

0:14:32 Thomas: We try to do that, and then at a certain point the Geneva Conventions kick in, you know, where I'm like, this, okay, thank you, Phoebe, but there's only so much time that you can spend around the elephant's foot in Chernobyl, like, there's only so much exposure yeah

0:14:44 Eli: Sure yeah there's

0:14:46 Tom: Well that's what I'm asking, like, does he scream when they play with them, does not, like, you guys can

0:14:49 Thomas: Can hold them off a little bit, so like, we'll try it, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but we are trying. It is really nice, it's really cool. It's cool to be able to have your kids start old getting enough to help you with stuff like that. It's, it's, uh, it's really fun. Yeah.

0:15:02 Eli: A really great moment that happens when you have a little kid watch a baby, where you watch them get, get bored, but not realize how boring they were eight seconds ago, right? They'll be like, "I want to hold the baby," right? And you're like, "Okay," and then you watch, like, one Mississippi, two Mississippi, and their face falls like the end of the fucking graduate, because it's just a lump that they must hold perfectly still or do an insanely repetitive motion on, and they go like, uh, and they always come up with an amazing, they're always like, um, she wants you to, um, she, I bet she wants me to

0:15:13 Thomas: 100

0:15:13 Tom: Yeah yes

0:15:33 Thomas: That's a great reference yeah oh

0:15:44 Eli: Go play Nintendo, yep

0:15:46 Thomas: No Phoebe has has figured this out, Phoebe goes, "Oh, he pooped," and then we're like, "Okay, let's go." What, he didn't, put, there's nothing in there, she's figured out to try to get out

0:15:57 Tom: She's just like running away the other direction did Finn used to do that shit, like, around video games and other things he wanted all the time, he'd be like, "I, I bet Eamon would really like the new whatever thing that I want," and did that, like, too distressingly long time in his life, like he'll do it to me, me, sometimes still, I'd be like, "Dad, I really think you would enjoy this, this, uh magic card set," and I'm like, "Man,

0:15:57 Eli: She's in front of the PlayStation 5, yeah, fuck it yeah exactly really is that what you think you

0:16:19 Tom: I'll just tell them, be like, dude, I know your magic card, these magic cards, you can just be like, I want them, like, we don't have to, like, go three fucking direct yeah right you know

0:16:26 Thomas: Pick

0:16:24 Eli: Have to pretend dad likes things okay, dad wants to sleep for eight hours, that's That's what dad wants to do.

0:16:28 Tom: That I'm only faking it because I'm required to fake

0:16:30 Thomas: Any other human being on this planet, pick anyone else on this planet and kid, and you'd have a, you'd have a better chance

0:16:35 Eli: Dad wants to not be self Abu grabing since the age of 21. That's What Dad Wants.

0:16:41 Eli: Hey podcast listener, we were chatting before the show the other day about sleep deprivation, and we were all like, again, this happens occasionally. This is the risk you, these are the dice you roll when you befriend Tom Curry, and we were like, oh my gosh. Yeah, those people who are always like, "I don't sleep, I don't sleep," and then eight hours later, think about the reflection that took place in those eight hours. Eight hours. Hours later, Tom sent us the fucking stats on his sleep. This man sleeps four hours a night. He is intentionally violating the Geneva Conventions and the conventions on torture on himself. If I slept four hours at night, the next time you saw my face would be above a chiron, and "Why That Wendy's Was Closed," professionally, by a MedEvac team. That's what you would see if I slept four hours a night. It's not for it I would say, that's, I showed it to Anna because you were like five, six hours a day, and I was like four, four hours and 12 minutes is not five, I

0:16:36 Tom: Uh, to be fair, I think it's about four and a half is the, uh, okay. Maybe it is. We gotta round up Anything over four you round up That's sleep math, Eli Bosnick

0:17:45 Thomas: Yeah humans are really bad at taking a visual average of things like, yeah, no, No, it's about five, six. It's like, there's not a single digit there. That's a five. What are you talking? How, if

0:17:54 Eli: Those digits are you adding them all up together, is that what you're doing, you

0:17:57 Thomas: It was an average of five, you'd have to have some sevens, you know, some threes and fours, maybe, you Know, they're all four.

0:18:04 Tom: Recognize it's gotten pretty bad I am so tired

0:18:06 Eli: Gotta you gotta get an away message in the email, my guy, there just needs to be a "I return to office tomorrow morning" like a sane person thing that pops up all right maybe Hayley gets a job, huh, what do you think she can be a real estate, let her be, let her get a do a also your thing

0:18:18 Tom: Not in the cards just yet Maybe another three or four years That's not how it works right now. Sure,

0:18:25 Thomas: Yeah. Tom gives tours of houses, but if Tom was just taking people, that was actually his job was just take people on house tours and being like, and then here,

0:18:32 Tom: Sure.

0:18:42 Eli: I would pay absolutely anything to create a universe where Tom was a real estate agent for a single day, just one day, so, um, there's a house you live in it

0:18:54 Thomas: Eli gun to your head, who would be worse at this, me or Tom, oh damn it

0:18:55 Eli: Oh definitely you, definitely yours yours, of all, you pull up 25 minutes late, right, this fucking, these newlyweds have been standing in the rain for 30, Christian, minutes

0:19:11 Tom: Look, this would be a sales job, and I would destroy that sales job. That's just true. That's true. That's so true. I'd be like, oh, I can make money on this? Yeah, I'll do good at this.

0:19:14 Eli: That's true

0:19:14 Thomas: Yeah damn it you're right you're right like I have to do an impression of Eli, do an impression of me, I'd be like, "Hey, you know, this, this is a house, it's basically gotta, there's a, it's cool, I like it, I don't, it's a great house, like, look at the things it has, roof, yeah

0:19:32 Tom: You don't want it. You probably don't like this one. There's a better house. Another one. If you wait a little longer, another one will come up. I did the numbers. I have a spreadsheet to show you.

0:19:33 Eli: You know what it does man

0:19:39 Tom: It doesn't really make sense for you to buy this house.

0:19:34 Thomas: Yeah but I would be like no buy

0:19:40 Tom: That's a...

0:19:39 Eli: Yeah

0:19:41 Thomas: This house, like, this is that, or I'd be like, nah, don't buy this, I can't do the like talking about it for 45, oh, and but in here, if you look in this room

0:19:47 Eli: Yeah you're never gonna say what great light in this room, right you're just gonna be like, "So, uh, go on in, look around, I'm gonna be in my car, uh, let me, me know if you want the house or not." "You want to see another house?" "No, I don't have time to do that

0:19:50 Thomas: Yeah hold on though can I say, when, when I, we were, we're buying our house. That's the best agent though. I, you, will love that. Okay. But I'm also me, but I love the agent.

0:20:08 Eli: Yeah you're, you, Thomas, most people want to be like, so, when did, the, where's the, you were just like, let me take a look, yeah, that one, I'll take it, give me that one that's

0:20:12 Thomas: Yeah. Someone was like, I'll be in my car. I was like that's the best. Oh, I love not having to pretend to care about whatever you're saying. That was awesome.

0:20:22 Eli: The best no can you just give me the keys that were in the lockbox, and I'll put the money in the locked box, and that's it, that's all we need to do, yeah

0:20:30 Thomas: Oh,

0:20:30 Tom: Just you're gonna be in luck, just wait five, maybe seven years, there won't be any real estate agents anymore anyway, so it's, it's a dying industry, so

0:20:34 Thomas: Nice.

0:20:34 Eli: That's true, yep no, yeah no, mostly you'll be trading houses for gasoline and you know, weird that that bouncy guitar guy on the front of your truck also is a notary, but like, nobody ever asks him, right, because he's got the bouncy guitar, and the flamethrower yes he's

0:20:39 Thomas: Yeah, that's Remy. He's screaming metal. He is part of it. He is part the fucking, there we go. We solved it. We're ready. There's a small percentage of me. That's like, I really need to get the solar installed on my house so that for the apocalypse, I have solar and an electric car like an incredibly dumb thought, but I'm like, how be fucking killing it in the Mad Max world? Like the Mad Macs world be a bunch of people killing each other for gasoline. There'll be just fucking dismemberments and shooting. I'll be like fucking electric car, baby. It's amazing.

0:20:51 Tom: There you go oh

0:20:52 Eli: Prepared for the apocalypse, yeah

0:21:04 Tom: Yeah, I thought the same thing, Thomas, us, yeah, oh yeah, no dude same

0:21:21 Eli: See, I, I have a very non-conventional approach to prepping, which is that I want to be prepared for small incidents and not at all prepared for, for the big incident, right,

0:21:32 Thomas: I like that, yeah, Yeah, that's good.

0:21:32 Tom: Right there, yep yeah yeah

0:21:33 Eli: Like, we have some bottled water in the house because occasionally a water main breaks, but I don't want to even be tempted to survive in the apocalypse, right. I want to open up my go bag and find a gun with three bullets, you know what I'm saying? Like, we're not hanging out to find out how the movie ends.

0:21:34 Tom: Oh yeah oh Yeah.

0:21:42 Thomas: This, yeah. Mm -hmm. You You better put a few more in there, Eli. I know, I know how competent you are at things like that. I'm just saying, put like six bullets in there. And mainly for you. You're going to miss your own self several times, I think.

0:21:59 Tom: Yeah.

0:22:01 Eli: Yeah, no, the mistake I'll make is I'll do me first and I'll be like, I'll get to you guys in a minute.

0:22:05 Tom: Oh yeah. Distressingly had the conversation like, all right, if we see the big flash it's like, all right, well, we're gonna We're going to overdose all of you guys, and then I'll take myself out at the end. It'll be fine.

0:22:16 Thomas: Like, if everyone has to

0:22:17 Eli: Yeah,

0:22:18 Thomas: Watch that Flash movie they made, is that? That would be, I don't want to survive that either.

0:22:20 Eli: Yeah, no. No, that's no, I approve of that, Tom. I do. I approve that rather than show your kids the flash, you should make them drink bleach. I have Because I had to watch it for a bonus episode, and I could tell you it's a lot less painful. Speaking of painful, something on Facebook that is phenomenal. Haley, Tom's lovely wife, is 97 years old and posted one of those fucking chain mail, do this in at midnight or else your grandma will die or whatever the fuck it is

0:22:23 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do.

0:22:24 Tom: It's. Yep. Yep. Okay.

0:22:44 Thomas: Was it like Facebook doesn't own my photos, I'm gonna, oh god

0:22:51 Eli: Yeah so, and Tom's answers to this, so this is a quiz about how well you know your mom, the top of it reads, "Adult children, how well do you know you're mom? This is tougher than you may think. Okay, let's see how well you pay attention to your mom. May the odds ever be in your favor." And uh, answer is, were so funny, I knew they belonged on our show, so that's

0:23:15 Thomas: Had me not look at these because he was so excited about it, so I'm I'm hearing this in real time, I cannot fucking wait. I've been, this has been like over a week that we've been teasing this, I'm so excited, love it, Tom's got the answer key, I'm trying to get the right answer, yeah something

0:23:18 Eli: Right, yeah all right, uh, I want Thomas's answer first, then I want Tom's, all exactly starting with the easy one, Thomas. What is your mom's middle name? I

0:23:35 Thomas: Weird, uh, I want to say, I, hmm, fucking a, it's something weird, I'm, you're putting me on the spot, it's like Demarest or something, it's a weird name it's oh it

0:23:47 Tom: What? What kind of

0:23:48 Eli: Don't think it's Demarest the

0:23:48 Tom: Name is that?

0:23:49 Thomas: It is a weird, okay, I'm gonna, I'm going to all right, right, I'm, I may, okay but But here's the thing, you know, when you haven't thought about a piece of information for a while and you're like, oh, I know that. And then you have never thought about it for 20 years.

0:23:51 Tom: That's just sounds you made. It's Susan Cincinnati Smith.

0:23:53 Eli: City in New Jersey because there's a city in New Jersey called Demarest and you open that drawer and it's fucking empty there,

0:24:11 Thomas: This might, no. No, wait, no? Nope. I'm mixing it up. Dunham. Dunham! That's it. Dunham, I think that's it, yes.

0:24:19 Tom: Really? Okay. I was going to

0:24:17 Eli: You go all

0:24:20 Tom: Make fun of that middle name, but Finn's middle name is Danger.

0:24:20 Eli: Right. He's

0:24:22 Thomas: I'm I'm gonna ask my sister to make sure. I'm I am, I'm absolutely asking my sister to make sure.

0:24:24 Eli: Texting. He's Testing. All right. Well, we'll check back in. Uh, Tom's answer was maybe Doers. Pamela Doers. That's probably right. Yeah.

0:24:35 Thomas: All right. I'd say that one's a tie between Tom and I. Both with a D.

0:24:38 Eli: Yeah, all Right. Thomas, what is your mom good at? Sure.

0:24:44 Thomas: Ooh, okay. My mom was a Spanish teacher. She was a very good teacher. She was not a fun teacher. She was, well, no. She was an amazing teacher. She was fun teacher if you were a good student. And she was a nightmare if you Were a piece of shit. Which I actually think is, I actually like that in a teacher. Like people, I would meet people who had her as a teacher all the time. Because it's a small town. Every literally I can't remember if I've mentioned it but the most embarrassing thing was if I dated anyone my mom had taught their parents in school like every time what 10 out of 10 times Yep.

0:25:02 Eli: Yeah, sure. Oh.

0:25:17 Tom: That's not weird.

0:25:19 Thomas: She'd I'd be like you know it's oh this is Mr. So-and-so or whatever like their name and she'd be Like oh you mean Todd oh god that kid was a fucking you know It's like a 50 Year Year old guy. And I'm like, yeah. Okay. I don't know what to do with this information.

0:25:26 Eli: He's The Worst

0:25:30 Tom: He may have changed in the last 40 years, mom.

0:25:32 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah,

0:25:33 Eli: Flirting With that girl next to him, Thomas's

0:25:33 Thomas: I be ones. I swear to God, there are ones where she taught the grandparent. I square fucking God. It's it's a hick town. Sometimes, you know, there were young, young moms there.

0:25:43 Eli: Parents are the Collins, so You know it's how it Works Out, uh.

0:25:46 Tom: It's accurate.

0:25:47 Thomas: They were old.

0:25:48 Eli: Answer: what is your mom good at? World's most resilient liver. Yeah.

0:25:57 Tom: It is accurate. As far as I'm aware, she's still Still going strong, which is astonishing.

0:25:59 Thomas: I was going to say snapping turtle Wrangler, but she actually failed that.

0:26:02 Eli: Snapping Turtle Wrangling.

0:26:04 Thomas: I think she, She, she bailed that.

0:26:04 Eli: Yeah. That's Up There. Oh.

0:26:05 Tom: No, she is. She placing first in the snapping turtle sprints, though. She is good at the snapping turtles sprints.

0:26:06 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

0:26:06 Eli: Yeah. For Sure. Yeah. By Far. Uh.

0:26:11 Tom: Yeah, excellent.

0:26:12 Eli: Right, Thomas, this one's for you. What is she probably doing right now?

0:26:16 Thomas: Ooh, she might be teaching at a cult school because retired teaching. And then she realized she is, if you want to know where I got my ADHD, which we've already talked about, it's my mom. She can't sit still at all. So every time she's been like, yeah, I'm retiring, gonna do the whole retiring thing. It'll be five minutes later. She's like, I'M FUCKING, IM DRIVING A FUCKING DUMP TRUCK.

0:26:37 Eli: Sure.

0:26:37 Thomas: Like anything she'll just do, but, but it's always teaching. And because my um sisters moved back there and everybody conservative there which is everybody doesn't believe in you know public schools they've started several cult schools so I think she teaches part-time uh I don't know she must teach the cult science I don't know the fuck she teaches there but yeah Probably Doing that

0:26:55 Eli: Yeah. Cult. Spanish, uh. Answer: what, what is she probably doing right now? Luring a monkey to its doom.

0:27:03 Thomas: Really.

0:27:05 Tom: More possible than ever because she's now living in Panama, I believe.

0:27:08 Eli: For sure.

0:27:09 Tom: So a lot. Yeah, I think she moved to Panama. My brother mentioned that a while ago that she moved to Panama, so.

0:27:09 Eli: Yeah, no, I

0:27:10 Thomas: Huge news What The The Fuck

0:27:17 Eli: Would love to hear these 'cause I know you only get the updates and you also don't care. So I love the idea that you and your brother are sitting across from each other at a diner somewhere at your annual, like, diner dinner. And he's like, "Oh, Mom moved to Panama." And Tom's just like, "No

0:27:32 Thomas: You Guys

0:27:33 Tom: Not far off. I see my brother on Christmas every year, so not on christmastay but on the day that we celebrate Christmas with my dad and family. Like So I see my bro for Christmas, yeah Tight. Yeah, we never talk otherwise at all. Literally never talk in between Christmas, I see him on Christmus, and then, you know, he might be like, "Oh, yeah, I talked to Mom and she's, uh, you know, she retired to Panama." And I'll be like, "Okay." And And that's it. There's no follow-up. Like, I don't care.

0:27:40 Thomas: Are Pretty close Then Huh? Yeah Are There more wild animals that could kill people in Panama, I don't know, I'm just trying to think why she went over there

0:28:00 Eli: I mean, Tom's mom is definitely there now. So, you know, all right, Thomas, name something your mom hates. All right

0:28:03 Tom: Yeah, right, right.

0:28:01 Thomas: Yeah Yeah Oh My god, where I begin, um, patients, uh, any, uh not sitting still, as I mentioned, um, having to listen to anyone say a complete sentence, uh, I don't know, I'm trying to think, uh, liberals, I don't know, whatever Having

0:28:24 Eli: Right liberals all

0:28:24 Tom: A lot of options there.

0:28:25 Eli: Right yeah

0:28:26 Thomas: Our own political thoughts that aren't Fox News

0:28:26 Eli: Yeah uh

0:28:27 Tom: A lot. A lot options. Oh, she's killed two of them. She into the ground. So, yeah, that's great

0:28:28 Thomas: Yeah

0:28:29 Eli: Tom's answer? Husbands, evidently exactly yeah, you know, sure

0:28:37 Thomas: The mom is always greener on the other side, but that I, you're, that's a better quality that your your mom beats my mom on that, I think I saw

0:28:44 Eli: Yeah, that makes sense, yeah right

0:28:41 Tom: Quality. It's a good quality. Unless you were married to her. I wonder sometimes if that's part of the reason my dad does not drink at all, is he was just like, uh -uh, no, that bitch tried to kill me with that. Like, absolutely not.

0:28:55 Eli: Yeah no oh Oh, right,

0:28:57 Thomas: Happened to Gilligan, not gonna oh

0:28:58 Tom: Right? Yeah. Uh -uh.

0:28:59 Eli: Exactly. Too many monkeys went down that road and never came back. Speaking of drinking, Thomas, what does your mom like to drink?

0:29:00 Tom: No.

0:29:09 Thomas: This Is the best. Okay, so once a year, probably, my mom would have a drink, and she would turn into, I, biggest lightweight in the history of time. Oh, maybe she's like the bizarro your mom, Tom. I don't know. This is interesting thing. She would have one. I remember one time she had to pick me and my sister up from the movies, and I was probably, I don't know, 14 or something. And she, she came from a fucking crab feed or some bullshit, I have no idea. Some, like, local of thing that she never went to, but just decided to this one time.

Whenever she would have a drink or whatever, it would be some weird thing that it never happens, because my family did no things of any kind ever, until they did one random thing. And then my mom would have, like, a drink and a half, and it would be the weirdest thing. So she had to pick us, I think she forgot she had a pick us up or something.

She comes by, picks us up, and I didn't even have any experience with alcohol at this point, and even I was like, I think he's like drunk or something, like she just was so fucking weird. Like, it wasn't bad, actually, she was like kind of like joyful and whatever. Everybody, it was so out of character that both me and my 11 year old sister were like, so, what the Jesus Christ, you can't hold your liquor, are you kidding me? It

0:29:24 Eli: Ooh,

0:29:25 Tom: Oh, maybe.

0:30:25 Eli: Why

0:30:25 Thomas: Was so fucking funny so

0:30:26 Eli: Do you have a lampshade on your head while you're driving? She was like, ah, mommy loves you. Tom's answer. Does your Mom like to Drink? Anything direct from the still to a plastic bottle.

0:30:32 Thomas: Can't drink anything the bath, whatever's in the bathtub

0:30:40 Tom: She's a classy, refined lady. Refinement You really comes through when the plastic bottle is getting empty and it crinkles a little as she pours it, you know?

0:30:42 Eli: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's how you know she means it. All right, Thomas, this one's a quick one. Cats or dogs?

0:30:54 Thomas: Cats.

0:30:54 Eli: Right. Tom's answer? False.

0:30:49 Tom: That's, yeah, yeah that's

0:30:56 Thomas: Alligators? Oh, well then.

0:30:58 Tom: No, she's not taking care of something

0:31:01 Thomas: Cats, the answer is cats then. Exactly. Oh.

0:31:03 Eli: Yeah, yeah.

0:31:05 Tom: Told you I to visit her one time and she had a cat and she named it Maybe because maybe she was going to keep it and maybe she wasn't She didn't

0:31:12 Eli: Amazing. Thomas, what is something your mother collects?

0:31:20 Thomas: Oh, my, she is a bit of a hoarder.

0:31:23 Eli: Dunham.

0:31:23 Thomas: No, that was my. Yeah, that's my dad. Would I say. OK, here's what my mom was great at. What she was really good at is every Christmas or birthday, she would have some weird random bullshit that was her new favorite thing and be like, I want anything that's an elephant or so, you know, it'd be some weird weird thing like that. And it was actually great. I don't know if it was a plan of hers. Like she did it on purpose or not. I actually don't Know, but it'd be like lavender. I anything lab. And then like, and the whole family's like, great. We just, what a fucking lavender.

0:31:23 Eli: Dunham.

0:31:41 Eli: Sure.

0:31:53 Tom: That makes it so easy That's awesome

0:31:54 Thomas: I know. It's actually amazing. Like we go like, Oh, here's a lavender thing. Here's a lot of everything. She'd be Like, this is great. A lot of lavender is perfect. And so I think it would be that like, she just switch. I Don't know to this day, if she really was doing that genuinely, Or if that was a great plan to not be disappointed every single birthday and Christmas. I'm not sure. So I'll say it rotates.

0:31:56 Tom: Yeah.

0:32:14 Eli: Sure? Rotates. All right? Answer. What is something your mom collects? Terrifying stories, yeah.

0:32:19 Thomas: Yeah, I was going to say dead husbands, but yeah.

0:32:21 Eli: Sure, sure. Snapping. Turtles. Uh.

0:32:22 Tom: Yeah, they're right. Yeah, yeah, yep, yep.

0:32:24 Eli: Would your mother rather be right now?

0:32:27 Thomas: Anywhere she's not. Literally, if there's one way to describe my mom, it's wherever she is, there she isn't.

0:32:29 Eli: Yeah. And there's a lot of common here because Tom's answer was Was unconscious. Yeah.

0:32:41 Tom: Yes. Big fan. She's clearly a big fan of Unkind. She works hard. She works harder to get there.

0:32:43 Eli: Yeah.

0:32:44 Thomas: But talked about how she'll drive hours. Like literally she'll drive two hours to come see one of us. And this isn't just a me thing, this is like my brother, any, any of the family, and comes all the way there and then she'll be there for about 45 minutes, she's like, "Well, gotta get tied," she get back, you know. She just can't, she cannot be in one place, it's nothing to do with us, she just like really restless, very restless, and we'll be like, "You drove three fucking hours to get, it's been 47 minutes, you're gonna leave?" Like, okay, cool.

0:32:59 Eli: Yeah.

0:33:12 Tom: My dad will do the same thing, though. He's got family up in Grand Rapids in Michigan, and that's about a three, three-and-a-half-hour drive, depending on traffic and weather. And when we were kids, he used to drive up for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, we would get up in the morning, we would drive up, we'd have Thanksgiving dinner and drive back, and it's like we were there for like a handful of time just to have a meal, they're offering us a place to stay, it's just nah, we really got to get back and we don't have to get back at all, there's nothing going on tomorrow, there's no reason to be like, we really gotta hit the road, we want to beat traffic, you know, coming around the lake, we don't

0:33:13 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Wait,

0:33:37 Eli: Yeah.

0:33:49 Eli: Thomas, you're in prison. You're jail and your mom's response. Response?

0:33:54 Thomas: I've been trying to get the wifi gone. Can you, okay, can you see the wifi through the phone? No, I'm on a prison phone. There's no, I can't see what you're talking. Okay. It's not, it's showing me an hourglass and I don't know. I think it's connected. Yeah, you're on the internet. Yeah! I'm on the Internet. How are you on the the internet. I don't know. I absolutely

0:34:00 Tom: Want to get

0:34:17 Eli: Tom's answer here was one my favorite of the whole thing. You're in jail and you call her. What is her response? Why are you yelling? I'm right next to you.

0:34:27 Tom: It.

0:34:28 Eli: All right, Thomas, I know you're not going to know this one. I know it, I know you don't. I don't know. I'm not going, I know. Are you ready? When is your mom's birthday? Birthday,

0:34:22 Thomas: Know this. And the only reason I know it is it's the same month as my birthday, July, 10th. I couldn't tell you my dad's birthday. I couldn't you my sister's birthday? I roughly know my brother's birthday, I know my little sister's because we were super close. So I'm like three out of six or whatever the fuck that would

0:34:40 Eli: Hey, there, You go. Uh, Tom, is this answer that you gave true? Tom's mom's birthday appropriately is April Fool's Day. Yeah,

0:34:54 Thomas: Wow.

0:34:57 Tom: Is true, it is, it's perfect

0:35:04 Thomas: Is that, was that your long-winded way of finally revealing this was a character you were doing the whole time and not, yeah, I

0:35:10 Eli: It's a bit, his

0:35:11 Tom: It's a bit, it's a bit Yeah, Yeah, no, I was hatched it was hatched

0:35:12 Eli: Mom's a bet Yeah, mean bit mean bit Yeah,

0:35:14 Thomas: Don't think anyone could come up with that, though, that's too good no.

0:35:16 Tom: Yeah,

0:35:17 Eli: Uh, Do you know, know your mom's blood type? I'm

0:35:21 Thomas: Fucking, I don't know my blood type. Do you know your blood type? Yeah,

0:35:23 Tom: Don't know my blood type either, no, uh-uh, no.

0:35:25 Thomas: Thank you, Tom. Oh,

0:35:25 Tom: No.

0:35:27 Eli: The universal donor, I know, I know because everyone begs me for blood all the time. I, this is an experience completely unique to whatever the fuck I am, and I never remember what it's called, but it's on my phone, and I, you get constant harassing phone calls from of every blood bank in your area when you donate, once you become the fucking bell of the blood ball, and they will call you literally every, every single time you can donate, they'll be like, "Hey, you can, don't eat again, you don't again, and hey, we have a new thing that takes four and a half hours where we cook each of your arms up like the fucking living Christ, and then you could donate both of the bloods, do you want to do that? Do you wanna spend four hours in a fucking day just getting drained of all your fucking bodily fluids?

You know, if you jerk off into this cup, we're gonna try putting that into someone's blood and see if that maybe works, we fucking love your blood." So yeah, uh, do donate blood quite a bit because I am a universal donor and they are out of it, this, but this was my little getcha to the Red Cross, so the Red Cross doesn't take your blood if you've ever had gay contact, or at least they used to, they

0:35:28 Thomas: Oh, for blood.

0:35:50 Thomas: Yeah.

0:36:26 Thomas: Yeah, they changed it.

0:36:27 Eli: They have reserved that policy, which is fucking awesome, uh, but when they would call me, um, because I donated at a non-Red Cross blood bank, which is really, really fucking hard to do, I would say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I've had homosexual contact before," and I would hear the person on the other end of the phone be like, it's crazy how he

0:36:46 Thomas: Was it over the pants? What?

0:36:48 Eli: Time, the guy was literally like, "Oh, they don't ask you that question until you're donating blood," you know what I'm saying, and I was like, "No, I know," and he was like, "Come on, be, be good, you,"

0:36:57 Tom: He's like, I think it's a bullshit rule myself. Can we skirt this rule?

0:37:00 Eli: You pretend you haven't sucked a dick, please. For the children.

0:37:03 Thomas: On to you or is he wanting your blood? I actually can't tell.

0:37:06 Eli: Tom's answer to his mother's blood type? Ethanol.

0:37:09 Tom: Yeah, that's I think that's inaccurate. I think That's accurate, you can light it.

0:37:11 Eli: I like like this one. Thomas, I'm interested. What did your mom want to be?

0:37:12 Tom: Oh Oh

0:37:16 Thomas: Oh, tragic story. All right. Buckle up, everybody.

0:37:18 Eli: I'm ready.

0:37:19 Thomas: My mom was, and I can't remember how much I've told you guys about this. If you were to take a snapshot of my mom in 1965 or something, or have been the coolest goddamn fucking person. Person, she was a hippie who was amazing at uh, guitar, so it was just like a performance, you know, classical guitar player.

And what, seeing fucking Jimmy Hendrix burning his guitar, and she lived in the Bay Area, so like she went to like the Fillmore, you know, like all those famous shows in the film or in the 60s, like Jimny Hendricks, uh, Janice Joplin, like she saw all, all those bands. She was into all that stuff. Super fucking cool. Anytime she'd bring any of this up, we'd be like, what happened though? Like what, what, and it's fucking, I don't know, Ronald Reagan happened or something. It's so depressing.

Cause would talk about it with a mindset of like, yeah, that was a waste of time, you know? And I'm glad I'm doing the fucking, you stuff now, conservative, youknow, whatever. Glad I'm just being a housewife now. Well, she was working housewife because your dad doesn't do anything. Um, but it

0:38:20 Thomas: Was depressing, but she, said she wanted to do that. She wanted to play guitar until she had her first like big performance and she had so much performance anxiety. She quit. I was like, yeah, which sucks. Cause that's exactly what I have, but I found medicine for it. And so, yeah, go

0:38:30 Tom: No, God damn.

0:38:31 Eli: I was going to say, yeah. Sad. Tom's Answer. What did you want to do? What did my mom want? Not a mom. I get it. Thomas, can your mom drive stick? Yeah, obviously.

0:38:45 Thomas: Uh, actually. I mean, my mom's old as fuck, so that's all they had for, yeah.

0:38:51 Eli: Yeah, Tom's answer. Yes, she can drive and live in any car. Sure,

0:38:58 Tom: She lived in her car on more than one occasion. That is that is an accurate? Yep, oh,

0:39:00 Eli: Oh,

0:38:58 Thomas: My clutch of my dad's seventies pickup truck, which, man, that that's back when trucks were good. I actually like those fucking things, now they're just stupid, but anyway, the clutch of that I think like broke her foot at some point. Like things were so much more dangerous back in the day, the clutch would pop out with, you know, like breakneck speed, and if your bone was there, it's like sorry, no more bone. That was right-handed.

0:39:17 Eli: Yeah, for, sure, yeah,

0:39:23 Tom: Jesus Christ, no,

0:39:25 Eli: Left or left-handed? Yeah, uh, same is true for Tom's mom. Will she ride roller coasters? Answer's Yeah, Tom's answer, yes, much tamer than her real life. How

0:39:31 Thomas: No, not in a billion, million, trillion years. My mom won't even go on a plane.

0:39:39 Tom: She go on an airplane?

0:39:40 Thomas: No, No, too much anxiety.

0:39:41 Tom: Oh, my god. Nice.

0:39:43 Eli: My mom's afraid to fly too, um, she will occasionally, she will occasionally fly. Uh, how does her mom like her coffee? Hmm,

0:39:50 Thomas: Will say one area where my mom, pretty cool. She's into good coffee. She likes making, every time, you know, it's Christmas or if we go there for the holidays or whatever, she'll make a nice cappuccino or something. So she good, actually takes the time, makes a good kind related, you now, coffee drink. Yeah mcdonald's

0:40:05 Tom: Yes. Yes, accurate. Yeah, accurate.

0:40:04 Eli: Tom's answered. Spiked and then last, but certainly not least, Thomas, if your mom called you and asked you to pick up something good to eat, what would you pick up? That is

0:40:09 Tom: Oh, my God. That's the sad, sadder than my answer.

0:40:20 Eli: Truly, actually the only answer that is sadder than Tom's, which is definitely not her. Call? Oh, so there you have it, gentlemen. So now that we know a little bit more about the mom, or all two-thirds of the moms of this show, uh, gentlemen, before we go, I never should have rubbing ketchup in my eyes, but you know what they say, hindsight is 20/20. All right,

0:40:53 Thomas: No

0:40:57 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

0:41:37 Thomas: Because, you I think most kids, when they, you

0:41:39 Eli: I don't think you do. I said, I don'T THINK YOU DO. So stupid, sorry.

0:41:43 Thomas: I think