DOD64: Being Comforted

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:28 Tom: To Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's not crying, it's just dusty in here. I'm Tom Curry, I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen. It's

0:00:38 Thomas: I It's both, I just want to make sure, like, my place is dusty as hell and I'm also crying. Like, I want to clarify, it sounds like I'm

0:00:38 Eli: Yeah, been dusty

0:00:45 Tom: Just always allergies it's always allergies, no matter what. Yeah. Never.

0:00:45 Eli: Wherever I am. Genetically

0:00:48 Thomas: Just always Crying.

0:00:49 Eli: Dusty.

0:00:49 Thomas: And I don't dust, I just- just getting the record straight on all that. Oh,

0:00:55 Tom: That I'm mainlining Zyrtec at all times, living in a house with cats that I am allergic to, you know? So, but- but it's still, it's allergies. It's just, it's allergies. I promise. So.

0:01:04 Thomas: Talk We got this weird thing in- and time to really hit the next gear with this show. We had this weird thing, you're not going to believe this. We had these weird thing called rain this year. Like, comes out of the sky. I know I sound insane. I sound like what the fuck. Okay. How do I say that? Look it up.

0:01:17 Eli: Ooh, we must have swapped weather, because the East Coast had smoke and you had, yeah, you amount of stoners in my life who regularly inhale bongs of smoke into their lungs that were like, everyone, be careful, OK, guys, it's the particle count is at 200 today. Like, don't get me wrong. I absolutely understand all the sympathy in the world. But then to be like, blah, blah, bleh, bleb, blep, blem, blek, bleblah, blebleh, God, I cannot leave the house today. I just care too much about my health.

0:01:23 Thomas: Yeah. Oh Yes. That is Well Yeah Because I heard coverage of it where it was like, it is 400 and it's bad, it's, it is definitely, believe me, we have been through that, that's like two years ago, I think it was the whole, whole summer was that, it was insane. It's horrible. But I heard on the coverage, they were like, yeah, it is so bad today, it's like if you smoke six cigarettes, I was like, oh, well, I know, I don't know a lot of people who do a lot more than that, but it's, it's obvious.

0:01:56 Tom: Yeah, undeniably.

0:02:14 Thomas: My first idiot thought was like oh, so that's fine. That's not a big, but yeah, that was my dumb thought. And then I was, like, Oh, I wouldn't like my kids to be smoking six cigarettes a day from the age of zero to like forever. That would be probably bad for my my kids.

0:02:12 Eli: Smoke six cigarettes. Look, Yeah,

0:02:28 Tom: But would think same thing, though, because if somebody was like, well, how much danger would would I be in doctor if I smoked six cigarettes once? Like, nobody would be like, oh, man, we definitely have to remove both of your lungs right now. Like, you're going to live in an iron lung like a fucking polio kid. Six cigarettes, one time. New York got, like, they got undeniably bad air quality for, like. Two days.

0:02:35 Thomas: Yeah. You're dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:02:51 Tom: Like, two days.

0:02:50 Eli: I was in it I was in it we

0:02:52 Thomas: It only last two days? You must have had a system it by or whatever, because it'll sit on us for fucking ever.

0:02:57 Eli: Was like four days that didn't matter and two days they did, two days where you looked up and you were like, the sun is blotted out, that's not awesome

0:03:04 Tom: Ha, ha, ha.

0:03:05 Thomas: It's so end times. It's crazy, end-timesy, it's crazy.

0:03:08 Eli: It's real end-timesy, and I really needed New York to make a bigger deal of it, right? Because I'm walking around New York because my friends meet up on Wednesday, which was the thickest the smoke gets. And so, so I'm like, I'm not fucking missing Wednesday. Ever since COVID now, I'm like, oh, no, no, emergencies are emergencies anymore. I know, by the way, don't ever take advice from this podcast, blah, blah, give your baby a bottle full of Tylenol. Like, I know what most intelligent, sensitive people learned from COVID was, like, guys, when next time there's an emergency, we really got to take it serious and band together, because that's how we're going to. And I'm like, oh no, the people who ignore the thing, they either get to die.

0:03:11 Thomas: Yeah. God.

0:03:13 Tom: Ha, ho, ho.

0:03:43 Eli: Awesome. Or just go to Ruby Tuesday days, so I'm a jerk for the next one, so I was walking through the smoke, but so was everyone in New York, like, every human in New York was just like, hey buddy, hurry up. And I was like, sorry, one of the smoke werewolves descended out of the sky, landed right in front of me and said, it begins. So that's why I was slow on the crosswalk. Fuck you. No, yeah, fuck me, that's fair, just I wanted, what we need, one national freaker-outer who will tell me how to feel, that's

0:03:44 Tom: Ha, po, po. Ha,

0:03:49 Thomas: Yeah.

0:04:00 Tom: Pa, pa.

0:04:15 Thomas: Like a designated one, though, like, that's gonna have a calibrated reaction, you mean, like, yeah, yeah.

0:04:17 Tom: Yes. Like

0:04:18 Eli: Yes. That's why I liked the colors after 9/11, because you could turn on Fox News and they'd be like, it's orange today and you'd be like, it is orange today, Fox News, thank you.

0:04:25 Thomas: Every color was freak out, though. There was, was no, there was no non freak out color.

0:04:28 Eli: Yeah. If

0:04:30 Tom: A Yeah. Right. Well, Then they set, they set that fucking, like, terror alert color system, they set it, like, permanently to orange, like, it was just, it was always like, I don't think it was ever not at least yellow. Like, there was never a moment where anybody was responsibly, and you knew as soon as they did it that they couldn't ever be green, right? They could never be green because, because then if they were wrong and something happened, they would get their ass handed to them. So the minimum color scare fucking value was always going to be, you should always be a little afraid. A little bit afraid. You should always Be, like, I don't want you to be shitting your pants, but I want you to have one on deck at all times.

0:05:01 Thomas: Magenta. Yeah. Yeah.

0:04:39 Eli: Yep. Right. Always ready to shit your yeah, if we could get a c -span esque yeah, a C-SPAN-esque feed of a guy just sort of nervously tapping his foot, right, and I'd be like, okay, he seems alright, but then, you know, the smoke is blotting out the sun, he's just sitting there being like, ah, ah, I'm like, okay, see that guy fucking gets it.

0:05:11 Thomas: Eli's like done it.

0:05:27 Eli: What

0:05:24 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, no, I'm with you. We need, who should that be? Like Tom Hanks? It needs to be something, you know what I mean? Somebody that everybody kind of trusts, you know?

0:05:31 Tom: Somebody trustworthy with a soothing voice. Yeah.

0:05:34 Eli: But is okay with being in pain and suffering, let but but when they suffer, it's funny to watch, which is why I'd like to nominate Carell, funny man, to watch suffer right I

0:05:48 Tom: I declare

0:05:37 Thomas: I thought they were just like, like we are. They they're not, are they suffering more than we are? Oh, that's a good one. I like that. But if it's, but if it'S too funny, hold on, if it''s too funny we won't take the emergency seriously, will we? If, like if 9-11 happened and we got to see Steve Carell going through it, I think I would be like, my brain is crying, that''s bad, but also I'm laughing.

0:05:50 Tom: Apocalypse

0:05:50 Eli: Can pretty, see yes this is great are you hearing what an amazing idea this

0:06:06 Thomas: Like, I don't, I don't know. I don't know if that's good. Is that good?

0:06:09 Eli: This

0:06:05 Tom: Right like, undeniably tragic, but I mean, it's kind of hilarious. I'm not, you know,

0:06:11 Thomas: Yeah.

0:06:12 Eli: Awesome he's the negotiator for all, like, kidnapped children, and I mean, like, trafficked children, not just the ones that are like, "My dad took me," and he's just like on the phone being like, "Please give the kid back, come on." So fun, so much fun, oh.

0:06:28 Thomas: Uh, yeah. But, so I brought that up because of the rain thing. Um, got actual rain this year. And so as a result, fucking the wildlife that grew the weed wise, it's, it's, I, I can't even, it's like a children's book where, you know, how the monster one where it's a whole world of, it was like that, but for my yard because it never ever rains. It rained this year. The weeds were trees. Like I went out there to weed whack them and I couldn't, the thing broke. Like it couldn't even handle the tree size weeds. So people over here are dying of allergies. We didn't even know existed. Like, it's a whole new level of allergy.

0:07:04 Eli: Allergies are really bad this year. Yeah, whenever that happens in me, the guy who mows my lawn non-consensually just waggles a bag of poison at me through the window and I do a thumbs up and he charges me twenty dollars extra and that's, that's our arrangement. I for

0:07:07 Thomas: How do you know he's not just poisoning a kid for you or something? I think that means he's like, do you want me to kill somebody or kill a neighbor?

0:07:29 Eli: For all I know. Listen, this is how our relationship works. I, I was trying to clean my barbecue grill the other day while he was mowing and he was like, "I do that," and I was like, "Oh, no, you don't have to do that." And he just took it, like, literally just took the barbecue out of my hands and began to clean it. And I was just like oh okay, well, I'm not gonna fight you for it and you are doing. Oh, you're doing a much better job than I can. He cleaned all this stuff and then I was like, um, money, right, because I never have Google Translate fast enough on my phone, so I just did the money gesture, and he did like, that "Hey, you don't have to pay me," things, so I just forced 40 into his hand, and he nodded like, "Yes, this is money," and I was like, great, we've done it, look at us, best friends, neither

0:07:46 Tom: What what

0:07:52 Thomas: Yeah. Okay. I didn't see this particular story coming.

0:08:18 Eli: Did I, neither did way in

0:08:18 Thomas: Wow. And he's, like, I think it's because he has the understanding that he's murdering a guy for you every so often. And he is like, this guy, every time I'm going to poison someone," he is, like, "Yeah, no, do it, poison another person," it's

0:08:20 Eli: The world, right? And he's like, you know, thumbs up, do it, to be fair if we did share a language and he said that, I would, I mean, who's, was he killing in my neighborhood? Yeah.

0:08:29 Tom: You, gotta have a guy

0:08:37 Thomas: A devil and an angel on his shoulder and you're like the devil and he's like let me check with the devil if I should kill another person, "You're right, yeah, sure, thumbs up, baby," let

0:08:40 Eli: He way. That Son of Sam apparently always checked the horoscopes to see if he should kill again, and always read a thing that said he should. That's what he does with me. He's just like, "Nah, guy, thumbs up," again, "I want to stop killing," but that guy is just always like, "Nah, keep it up," one more yard and lawn related thing, because I'm just so proud of it. Um, so we're recording this pretty early in June, you're hearing this, you know, September 7th or whenever, um, because we're so far ahead, but yeah, I, uh, in my heart, we're ahead. Uh, so I've talked about this before, but Anna has a pride flag in our window year round, but now it's pride month, and Anna took Target taking the two of the pride t-shirts off the shelves like as a personal attack, and so not only is the pride flag out on the flagpole, but we now have many variety, we have pride flags I don't recognize. I'm like, okay, that's a trans one, I

0:09:08 Thomas: Me next week, no, we're not.

0:09:36 Thomas: Ah

0:09:37 Eli: Don't know that one, I think that's Ghana I think she just did Ghana, but

0:09:38 Thomas: Like the colors are kind of gay though so it's got to be

0:09:40 Eli: Yeah, right, it's definitely these are all, she's got one on each post in our fence was

0:09:41 Tom: Probably

0:09:42 Thomas: This is the colors they're way too gay there should be one country that has like a super super gay looking flag though. That'd be funny. Like if ever, if there's one country and they thought like pride month was like, we're all really into that country, you know, like Lithuania.

0:09:54 Eli: Just really celebrating, yeah, Uzbekistan.

0:09:55 Thomas: Yeah.

0:09:57 Tom: Just appropriate the most homophobic flags, probably should just appropriate, like Uganda's flag, yeah.

0:09:58 Eli: Oh,

0:10:01 Thomas: That's a good idea. Yeah, very funny. If that country thought we were all the whole world was like celebrating it for a month and we're like, just don't tell them.

0:10:04 Eli: Really bug them.

0:10:09 Thomas: Don't, we don't have the heart to tell them you

0:10:03 Tom: Yeah, no,

0:10:09 Eli: Don't tell it, we don't want to. We don't want to break up with Uzbekstan.

0:10:12 Thomas: Love my country. I don't, I don't know what it's called. I'll be honest.

0:10:14 Tom: No.

0:10:14 Thomas: I don't know that.

0:10:14 Eli: Like this. I bring you kurashka, yeah, no, I'm gonna eat this, it's guinea pig, cool, no, that's a food, yeah, no, I'm going to eat this now in front of you, no, I just finished eating a household pet, but I'm gunna I promise

0:10:27 Thomas: Another Yeah.

0:10:28 Tom: Okay, though, but they do serve guinea pig in Peru, and I would 100% like it's I want to go to Peru, and I know they serve it, and I Would absolutely eat a guinea pig. I would eat one of those little guys. I would pick them out by name, actually.

0:10:37 Thomas: Yeah, it makes one of us.

0:10:43 Eli: Do you think they've got, like, red guinea pigs where you go and you eat too many cheddar bay biscuits so you're not really hungry for your guinea big

0:10:50 Thomas: Oh, like Red Robin. I didn't.

0:10:52 Eli: Yeah I was going, Red Lobster. I was going Red Lobster. Yeah blue

0:10:53 Thomas: Oh OK. Oh Red Lobster. Oh yeah. OK. That too. Wait, what was, was that the story? Was it just the pride flag or was there more yard just

0:10:59 Eli: No I, so the second half is, so the, the guy who did my gutters, he's doing the gutters across the street, he's gonna put up all the flags and he's like, hey, a lot of flags, and I was like, yeah, you know, we're, we're a queer family, and he was like, yeah, it's cool, that's cool, and I was like, but mostly, can I be honest, I just really love pissing off homophobes, and he was like, yeah, me too, me too, and then just went back across the street like the hero he is, there we, there he was, there he went

0:11:23 Thomas: To get out of the conversation or you think he actually believes that?

0:11:26 Tom: Yeah

0:11:24 Eli: Yep I think he probably likes pissing off homophobes a little bit certainly he's not a homophobe

0:11:28 Thomas: Oh, OK. OK, I got you. I wasn't sure because you never know when it's somebody who you kind of has incentive to not piss you off and they're like, try to go with your liberal beliefs for a second, but you're like okay, you're not, there's no, you know what I mean? You're like I'm just looking at you. I don't think you're, like, a super progressive guy. I just, I think you kind bullshit me, but I also, I that. Like, I like that you're you're not a Trumper, you know, and arguing with me about it. I don't know.

0:11:42 Tom: Right

0:11:57 Eli: Use they them pronouns right now for me, can you just use they then pronouns right now no, hey, people in Jersey naturally do that, they'll be like, them's over there, ah gotcha trans accepting motherfucker motherfucker

0:12:10 Tom: All right

0:12:00 Thomas: One time. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. So all this is to say, um, what's your favorite auto ad? You, you said you had an auto ad story two weeks ago that we never got to, did you still have it?

0:12:19 Eli: So here's my favorite thing, I was listening, first of all, you're about to be bombarded with, slash, you were just bombarded, MIT auto ads, and we'd like to apologize, but trust me, you won't have an experience as horrifying as I had a couple weeks ago, so I turn on the podcast, and you know, the first thing you hear when you turn on our show is, I'm the cool dad, that's my, my thing. And I hear, I'm a father. And I was like, oh, Thomas changed the quotes at the beginning.

0:12:42 Thomas: Whoa. That's awesome.

0:12:47 Eli: That's interesting. We didn't talk about that, but I'm interested to see what dad quotes he pulled. And the second half of that quote was, I am a father and I deal with erectile dysfunction. And then I was like, Oh, company meeting.

0:12:44 Tom: Okay wait a minute what I just

0:13:01 Eli: Yeah. Look, look, we all knew the targeted ads were coming, Tom. And, and I'm apparently at the forefront of that industry, I'm a father and I can't see my penis below my stomach anymore, like

0:13:02 Thomas: Oh, that's awesome, what a prank. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

0:13:10 Tom: Feel like I just feel like maybe they could have marketed that different like I'm a husband and I have erectile dysfunction like like I'm a dad and I've been I can't write it's like that's a really I don't they're drawing a line here I'm very uncomfortable with

0:13:24 Eli: I said targeted and

0:13:19 Thomas: What's with the father? Yeah. I, and I'm not able to bone my kids anymore. What is that? I know what, yeah.

0:13:29 Eli: The only thing that could make it more uncomfortable is not being a patron over at patreon.com/dearolddads, you'll get access to a bonus story almost every episode. When Tom isn't busy, it's okay, he's got other stuff going on, and we do a monthly bonus. Tom makes it to all of those ones, he makes the time to make it to all those ones, so you've got the

0:13:50 Tom: Oh

0:13:48 Thomas: For sure oh oh and that, that may or may be out, but holy shit, that was fucking great. You monthly bonus was, oh, it was so fun, it was, it was uh, uh, yeah, we roasted a Facebook list that, a Delight. Truly. Mess it. Listeners. You should definitely get on patreon.com/dearolddads. Yeah. Night I had this fucking thing happen that, um, into what I think will be an interesting topic that I want to hear you guys' thoughts on. Um, last night, I am going to, this is a perfect Eli making fun of my focus story. So I'll tell that part. I was going to record.

I'm working on something, going up to my studio to record, upon which time I realized, oh, I need to change my browser because I need to get my browser tab history from my other computer. And I switched to the Brave browser. I don't know if anybody has it. It's pretty good. Recommendation. Do you have the Brave browser? It runs the Chrome engine. So it's all the Chrome stuff you know and love, but it's actual privacy and stuff. So that's pretty cool. Anyway, little play.

They're not not a sponsor, but that's the thing. So I, uh, changed my, I hadn't changed my upstairs computer. So I couldn't get all my research tabs. You know, they were, I didn't have the history. So I was like, oh, got to do that. Got to install the browser and to install browser. You got to download the thing I download the things. I go on my downloads. And that's when my ADHD brain remembers, oh I have a super important file, like critically important.

It's I very important. Like very, very important I have. A very important file. I downloaded, downloaded uh ago that I've known because I'm an idiot like okay I know I downloaded that and then I just left it in the downloads folder you know and

0:13:58 Eli: Things To teach your son list

0:14:00 Tom: That was great that fucking amazing that was great

0:15:20 Eli: No.

0:15:21 Thomas: It is not gettable again. Like this is but but I know it's there like I I was like I brain at least knows what's important like so it's there and I go and while I'm there about to install Brave I was like, oh, I I should just, while I'm there, I should save this file. I should grab it, put it in a fucking vault. Cause I know it's really important. Like it's irreplaceable, irreplaceble. So I go and I look and the downloads folder is cleared. I was like, oh, that's not possible because I know my brain, it looked to hit the Thomas bingo. I think this is another fucking ADHD thing. I have no memory. I have known also the trauma of the months that passed, you know, this happened during the trauma times. Sometimes so like that messes with memory quite a bit you know.

0:15:23 Tom: What yeah

0:16:05 Thomas: Like I I was just in a constant state still am of like anxiety and stuff and so I look at that blank downloads folder and I was like that that can't be right so I go I check like my recent files you know how Windows or whatever it'll say like here's your recent files I see the file there I'm like okay I click on it file can't be found not that's been deleted or moved or something and I'm like my world is crashing I'm like this is not how there's no way this is happening but then I think okay do do you guys do this or is it just a me thing where I'm constantly just dealing would I have done I know I did this and I know me.

0:16:38 Tom: Oh that's the only only way I know where how anything is done I just I don't know of anything I've ever done ever I just know what I would do yeah

0:16:39 Thomas: Yeah. Ever. Yeah. Now. You don't have ADHD you're just really busy I think right you just have a lot of things in response exactly like but I know here's the thing I know me I'm good at those things so I know I was like if I deleted these files which maybe I did because by the way I'm changing out this computer I've been trying to change it for a new computer for a while so somewhere in the process of like oh maybe I moved move those files to a different you know like I know I know I would have saved this because my brain knows this is an important thing yes.

0:16:47 Tom: Yeah yeah something I would be able to do yeah right

0:17:16 Thomas: But my brain is so dumb a normal person an Eli well I shouldn't say normal that's a bad word to use with Evite, uh,

0:17:16 Tom: Yeah I don'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT THERE WITH ELI HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOUR BRAIN DO THAT

0:17:22 Thomas: A A typical in this sense person the minute they knew like

0:17:30 Eli: Neurotypical. If you will, but

0:17:30 Thomas: Yeah. The minute they knew or even people who are neuro atypical in different better ways than me, you know, like really cautious yeah like the the minute minute, they had identified, oh, this file is extremely important. And this would have been months ago, by the way. And it's in my downloads folder. Why don't I save 40 copies of it and print it somehow? You know, like just fucking, why don't I do that? So there's no way I lose it. Something about my incredibly stupid brain can't do that. I I don't know what it is. I know it's safe. I know the file's there. I kow it's saved.

There's no reason it would go go away. So my brain is like, you're good. That's that file is there. You're good, and I just didn't touch. I knew it was there, even though I should have saved it, and so finally last night, when I only was going to make sure I had it because of some completely random different thing, which is trying to install a different browser, do I discover it's gone, but sat there. I checked a few things.

I was like, there's no way this is happening. This is not fucking happening. It's it's not possible. This is like deathly important. And then I'm like, there's no way. I know. I know! I

0:17:39 Eli: Like harder workers, yeah people who care, yeah a

0:18:34 Thomas: Know me.

0:18:34 Tom: There's a terrible feeling there's a terrible feeling dude that that rising panic I know this rising right like a real like I when I was new in my first title company job I lost for the period of about six hours but I lost a deed to someone's house no but I lost the deed to their house

0:18:35 Thomas: It's a terrible feeling. Yeah.

0:18:50 Eli: House?

0:18:52 Thomas: Like, I put it right there. There's like pipes and stuff and shit's all loose.

0:18:53 Tom: Yeah where's that goddamn house but and

0:18:57 Thomas: The foundation's there.

0:18:57 Tom: I and I I seriously I was pouring through I was pouring sweat because like the deed is irreplaceable I didn't have a copy it like is it's immense I almost

0:19:04 Eli: Yep.

0:18:59 Thomas: Oh, Yeah. The sweat your body will produce, like, that's helpful? Like, oh, maybe I lost it in my sweat glands. Like, that just empty. Just, oh cool. Super helpful body.

0:19:11 Eli: Yeah. Yeah.

0:19:09 Tom: Yeah thomas that feeling I almost quit that job I almost just stood up and walked out the door just like I just I'm not gonna be here when they find it I just gotta go I just can't be here yeah yeah you just want to run away from that feeling

0:19:16 Thomas: Oh my God. You just leave. Yeah. Yeah.

0:19:22 Eli: Because Because of your title company, loses your deed, like that's just a pile of bricks now, like nobody knows what the fuck is going on with that building. Oh, your house? No, no, no, here's what needs to happen: three homeless people need to move in, board up the windows for three years, and then it's their house. I know, I know, I'm upset too. It is in fact their house

0:19:44 Thomas: That's how the law works. Yeah.

0:19:45 Tom: It's I mean I I've I've learned since then that it's that it's MORE FIXABLE THAN I THOUGHT BUT LIKE BECAUSE MISTAKES DO HAPPEN BUT I WAS NEW AND I LOST THIS THING AND IT WAS LIKE DRUMMED INTO ME THAT THIS WAS LIKE IRREPLACEABLE AND I JUST WANT TO SAY I KNOW THAT FUCKING PANIC RISING FEELING THAT YOU WANT TO ESCAPE NOT JUST THE SITUATION BUT LIKE IF YOU COULD JUST SHED YOUR SKIN LIKE A fucking crab exuding its exoskeleton and run you would just do it that's a horrible scary feeling

0:19:52 Thomas: Right. Oh God. Yeah. That's yeah.

0:20:09 Thomas: Right. And I totally, totally. And, and combine that with, I totally get the impulse in that situation to be like, I'm just, I'll just find a new job, find it, whatever. But this is my life. So

0:20:13 Tom: Yeah I just need a new life that's it I'm my name is now ben johnson that's it I am out

0:20:22 Thomas: Yeah, I was, so I had that. That, that was part of the like horrible brain thing I went through, which is like, can I walk out of my soul? Like, canI just, oh, that is my last day at the soul company. Like, I'm just not, Thomas Smith Incorporated is no more. I'm not, just, yeah, that's what my brain wanted to do.

0:20:30 Tom: Lydia

0:20:37 Eli: You Just jump out of your body into a baby? Yep, no, I tried that. Body for a while.

0:20:45 Tom: He was just muttering about a download walked out the day he didn't even take a car he just walked down the street and went to the sunset again.

0:20:47 Eli: It's like when you get stuck in a video game and you're just like, I'm just gonna die, I'm just gonna die, this isn't fun, I don't know what I was supposed to have before I came in here, but I'm just gonna jump into this lava and come back to to the entrance of this dungeon.

0:21:06 Thomas: Yeah. That's better than wherever I am. It's fucking die. Just fret. We should have that in real life, by the way. Like just maybe to restart your day or something, you know, like, oh boy, this day fucked. No, the part where you come back though. Oh, you're telling me reincarnation's real?

0:21:14 Eli: Thomas, I've got great news for you. Doesn't matter, the point is you're not in the dungeon anymore.

0:21:23 Thomas: Oh, dark. So I think to myself, I know me, I knew me, but, but Tom to compound on that feeling was a feeling of confusion. Like I, I like, it's one thing if you're like, Oh fuck. And this happens too. I left my fucking coffee on the top of my car. Like, like it's something like that. We were like, oh, that sucks. Yeah.

0:21:46 Tom: Or the baby, you know, whatever. Yeah.

0:21:47 Thomas: You're like, that's sucks. But I know what I fucked up. Like, I remember the bad thing. This was where I am. Like, it was so disorienting. I was like, no, there's no way this didn't, this didn't happen. There's no ways to happen. This didn't have it. But I had a little faith in me. I was, like, okay, I know that this must have been intentional. It must have had to be there. It's like, you know, those shows. Shows no, maybe it's Just a show, Alias, where she, like, loses two years of her memory and she's just like trying to find what she did during those two years. That's my whole life. I'm like, I know, oh, I see some surveillance footage with my face in it, that must have been me, I, I see what I did here, and then she can track stuff down by just knowing who she is. That's me, I'm like, I know this, I know it, I know I did it.

So I think, ah, there's my, I see an external hard drive just fucking hanging out willy-nilly, that must, I, I back stuff up there when I'm doing stuff like this, I was like, okay, I must have done that, I plug in the external hard drive, I, the way I'm still trying not to die, but I'm like, it must be here, calm down, gonna be okay, plug

0:22:08 Eli: Hoarders?

0:22:45 Eli: But

0:22:46 Thomas: In the external hard drive with

0:22:46 Eli: It's just A Video of past you telling you to fuck yourself, the only thing on the drive, right?

0:22:52 Thomas: The, like, the anonymous, like, whatever, fucking Yeah. Hacker Oh, I could

0:22:54 Eli: Exactly. Thomas, you should Jigsaw yourself, just do a set up a whole, like, reach your box into the hand of razor blades, I've put your passwords inside there, right?

0:23:07 Thomas: But that would be too memorable. I'd have to do it a little bit at a time. Like, it would have to be part of like some tiny routine of my day that I forget about, you know, like, oh, it's setting a razor blade.

0:23:15 Eli: You put one razor blade in the box a day, yeah, exactly, when you're gratitude journaling

0:23:17 Thomas: Yeah. Weird. I made one frame of a jigsaw video. I don't know why I did that, but I plug it in and I hear a sound you don't want to hear from a hard drive.

Like, I hear, like, they were, you know, they go like, and then I hear a, I was like, what was that, fucking, I, what was dat, I was, okay, it's probably, I haven't plugged it in in a minute, maybe it's, you know, maybe it' the power trying to come back on, like the Jurassic Park guy said, maybe, so who knows what irrational thing, and I plug it in, it makes the sound again, it goes, it starts again, and then it just doesn't show up on my computer, and now I'm like, okay, this is pretty funny of old me, I am, I am jigsawing myself, I actually am, oh shit, I'm like, that's pretty fucking funny, because now I am really, I know I'm, okay, I'm pretty freaked out now, you got me, this is really, really, really bad, holy shit, I try some random miscellaneous tech things with that, I download a utility, I search all the things, all the things you normally do, I see some, some guy, guy from 1971 who had the exact same problem and no one responded to him in the forum, you know, that, that's always I

0:24:22 Eli: Right.

0:24:23 Thomas: Wonder if they put that there first, or if it's right when you Google your problem, do you think they generate that, would be a good AI way to fuck with us, right when you have your tech problem, yeah,

0:24:23 Eli: Yeah.

0:24:32 Eli: Just an old Apple forums post, yeah, with just seven comments underneath it that say, me too, also having this issue, any solutions, question mark, or

0:24:43 Thomas: Or the best, oh, I found the solution here, broken link.

0:24:48 Eli: Or, I found the solution, I was, is putting peanut butter on my penis and trying to suck it off, and um, that's why your hard drive isn't working,

0:24:54 Thomas: I guess we have different tech problems. But I take your point, I take your point, yeah, and I, and so that wasn't working, like, it said I got the hard drive utility, and said invalid RAID configuration, and I, who knows, well, I know something about tech, and I thought, I'm pretty certain I didn't have this hard drive in a RAID configuration, I won't get into it, but it's a way, basically, if you have 16 gigs, you can put it in an 8 gig RAID, and I believe it's like redundant, so it's, it becomes a 8 gig hard drive, but it's way more backed up kind of thing, like, it, like, there's redundant copies of everything, it's sort of like that, not exactly, tech people think I'm an idiot, but it took something to that effect, and I thought, I don't have that, that's not what I did, so this seems wrong, but I go through the thing, I see a button that says, well, would you like to reconfigure the RAID?

And I almost click it, and then I see in tiny writing, this will delete every single thing and you've ever had in your life, everything, your life will be deleted if you, if you reconfigure the RAID settings, you will need a new birth certificate, you'll need a new identity, you'll never, and

0:24:58 Eli: Yeah. Yeah.

0:25:01 Tom: What does that even mean, what the fuck does that mean

0:25:58 Thomas: I almost clicked that fucker and I was, was like, like, oh, oh God, no, don't do that, because that's just a, like your, your, your tech is tapping out, it's like, well, we don't know what's wrong, but we could just fucking start a hundred percent fresh, I'm like, no, I think I believe we can salvage this, and so I get stuck on that front, and then I think, I don't know if this is anything you guys have ever had to do, then I think, you know, there is good software that just finds stuff you've deleted. Needless to say, I already checked the recycle bin and all that crap wasn't in there, but I've done this before for an old hard drive. Like, you know, I, it was from like college or something. I was like, oh, it's, it's, it's wiped, but I think I have some old stuff on there. Like old college files that I probably at the time was like, ah, I'll never care about those. And then I was, like, oh, it might be fun just for memory sake

0:26:04 Tom: Just

0:26:40 Thomas: To like, yeah. I Was like, well, why not? I saw the hard drive on my shelf or whatever.

0:26:47 Thomas: And so I found that sort of deletion recovery stuff like that software. And I remembered like, oh, yeah, this this stuff really works because the way hard drives at least used to work is if you delete something, you can usually recover it with those utilities until you've written over it. So, like, yes, you've told your hard drive, delete this. This isn't real anymore. But it's sort of like a scratch pad sort of thing where it's like, OK, we're just agreeing that that piece of paper is blank. Blank, it's still a drawing there until you like actually Etch A Sketch, shake it, erase it and write over it kind of thing. So that's

0:26:41 Tom: A half right, yeah, oh,

0:27:20 Eli: Right

0:27:20 Thomas: How that tends to work, I think, in layman's terms. And I'm thinking, this is it, I've fucked this hard drive, I don't know what happened with the hard drive, but I know that I will be able to do that and have it be in the downloads folder that I deleted. So I download, I fucking buy that software, install all that, do all that shit, I get the best version, do all that stuff. And then I sick it on my hard drive, I say, they go find my deleted files, and it starts, the results just start pouring in, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, not even joking, like 300,000 files found. And I was like, oh, okay, this is fucking, we got this, it's over, I win, I win me, Jigsaw me, you thought you could stop me, Jigsaw me, but I found a way. And so I wait for that to finish, I do the whole search, and then I click on the downloads folder, and it shows me the exact same goddamn downloads folder that I Currently, have.

0:28:06 Thomas: Off, and at this point the disorientation is really kicking in, where I'm like, my brain starts to know, like, that's, you've pretty much done everything, like, that, you know, like, I'm still gonna go through the motions of trying to do more things, but my brain is telling me, like, dude, we've reviewed all of things we know, and, like, we're, that's, we're pretty much at the end of things we know in this situation, I don't know what you're gonna do, like, that's you might be, be fucked, man, you might be fucked. And that disorientation, like, I'm sitting there, I wouldn't say the room is spinning, but my brain is just like vibrating, you know what I mean? It's just like, I

0:28:05 Tom: My god oh brutal

0:28:40 Thomas: Can, this is not real. I can't. And by the way, the series of things, you know, like me deleting it for some reason, the hard drive failing, the, the deletion utility not working. I was like, there's no, this is not, this isn't not real, this isn't, they're fucking Eli's is watching me on home video. There's no way this is a prank show. This is not, this can't happen. And I try a bunch more things. You know, I'm just looking around that same forum where the guy is dead from the seven, just for another hour, just like, no, no. This isn't real. No, this is not real. And to

0:28:41 Tom: This is brutal, that's

0:29:14 Thomas: Where trying to accept it like a little bit, but I am ruined, like my brain is ruined, and I know, me, like the couple times this has happened, I need to go to sleep and hope the next day I can wake up and function, like I'm just, I'm just, I can't do it. And so the part that's a tie -in to this show a little bit, and I promise it is routine, is Lydia always passes out on the couch because she's exhausted. Usually when we're trying to watch a TV show or a movie, and then I do work or play games or do something for the next, I don't know, however many hours, because I'm a night person, I can't go to bed at 9 30 or whenever she passes out, 10, and then I wake her up and we go to bed. That's our routine pretty much every night. I wake up, and I always tell her, why don't you go up to bed, don't she want to sleep in the comfortable bed? And she always says, no, I want to be near you. And I think that's sweet. So yeah.

0:30:00 Tom: Nice, yeah, right.

0:30:01 Thomas: So I'm like, all right, well, as long as you don't mind being woken up. And she's like, yeah, I get woken by these fucking kids every five seconds anyway, I'm used to it, I can, she's a champ at sleep. And so in my mind I'm like, I don't know that I can even wake Lydia up. And this is where we get into what's probably my personal, a little bit of my trauma. I'm distraught in this way, not much Lydia can do.

And I feel horrible because this is me. This is a me problem. And I think Lydia has picked up on this because she's very sensitive. And so she doesn't, she now tries kind of a nothing thing when I'm distraught, which is not the worst option, you know, like, and I don't know if anyone else has this, I think it's a combination, or any of you two, I'm sure people in the world have it, but I can't really be comforted, you know, like in some situations, maybe, like if someone dies, you know, like it's, oh, that's sad, yeah, not my dad, because that's too complicated, that was too complicated of feelings, that when my dad died, Lydia was just like, I am here, and I was like, yep, that's, thank you, that's, that's all you can do is just be, because there's some misfiring that happens in my brain where if someone is comforting me then that's a weak thing that, like, my dad is telling me, you know, like, like there's something in my broken brain that's like I'm mad at Lydia if she tries to comfort me in any sort of way.

And and it's my, my fault. A hundred percent. I'm not making this very clear, that Lydia tries to have a normal reaction and comfort a human. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, I, I didn't, I don't know if you missed it, I am not a human currently. Like I turned into a raccoon. I mean, I am a werewolf right now. I, you tried a human thing. I, that's all that's on me.

And so I, I'm sure a lot of people might not have that extreme reaction, but being comforted as a man is a thing that I think is worth talking about. I'll, but I'll finish the story first.

I, I'm thinking like in this mindset I'm in right now to describe it to you folks, I don't know if this will make any sense to you, but I was like, I can't do, I'm so upset, like I am so fucking shaken and upset that like I would have to like say, like, hey, wake up, you know, I can't even talk, like I literally was, was like, I can't talk right now, I'm so upset.

So do I just, I was like, do I shake her and fucking run away? I don't know what to do. I literally was like, do I let her sleep on the couch all night? I'm insane, I recognize this. But this is one

0:32:32 Thomas: Of those things where, and Tom, I think you might appreciate this, I realize this is my problem, and while I can, this isn't something I, as much as I've tried to change everything about myself, this is something where I'm reaching bedrock, like when I'm in that super distraught mode. Here's, here's how I've changed. My example, in my dad, what he would do is lash the fuck out at anyone who tried to help him or comfort him in any way. Like he would, if my mom, God forbid, she made the mistake of trying to like be consoling in any way, she would get the most humiliating tongue lashing possible, like it would be this deeply personal

0:32:32 Tom: Yeah oh geez if

0:33:09 Thomas: Like she was an idiot for anything she said, you know, know, because, because humans being humans will try to say stuff like, oh, well, it's okay, maybe this. Often those things people say are hopeful things, like, oh, maybe in the morning it'll magically, you know, and my dad would be like, oh, it is going to magically be there, it will just be there a little bit, you know, like he would do that horrible, just really bad, you, in a way that was just, you know, awful.

And I think that is a lot of where this comes from, you know. And so what I have changed about myself is I don't do that. Like I, I, all of my hit points, all my energy, all of my change points go into, I'm not going to do that, I'm going to be fucking horrible, but I can't talk, like I can, I've, that's about as much as I can do. You know what I mean?

Like I can stop from being the worst fucking person in the world. But that's, that's about where I am. And I take responsibility for that. Like I'm not anything that is a negative because of this is my fault. I want to do my best to fix it, but I'm kind of, I've at bedrock in terms of personal change. You know what I mean?

So like that's kind of where it's like a detente sort of thing, where it's like I think Lydia's figured out, like, can't really do much, my idiot brain, I still want to feel like Lydia wants to help.

0:34:21 Thomas: It's cause I, cause it's, like you want, you still want someone to want to help, so I think she's found a good way to sort of look like she wants wants to help. And that's about as good as we can do. But to finish out the story, I go down and I, way to wake her up. I was just like, you know, like I got some words out she heard me enough to like, get up. And then I went and I was like, all right, I'm going to fucking, as I was walking up, I walked past the room, this catastrophe was happening and I couldn't help it. I was like, alright, I'll go in and I'll try a few more things, or don't know what, but like, I'll try something. And on one of those million websites. And one of the things says, make sure your hard drive is plugged into the wall, not a power strip or whatever.

0:34:21 Eli: Can

0:35:03 Tom: That's the fucking problem, I swear to god, are

0:35:04 Thomas: I And my brain went, oh, that's something I, I know something, you know, again, cause I'm addled. I have too much on my mind, I was like that's something and I knew it wasn't, I actually knew that the problem wasn't going to be where it was plugged in because I've already used it there, but my brain was like something there, something is, that you know what I mean, when you're just like, I know this is significant, so I go and I unplug it and look at the cable and I'm like, I don't think this, this is the right power cable.

0:35:35 Thomas: And I happen to have the exact same shape of power cable for God knows what, I don't even remember what it's for, that was sitting exactly where the hard drive goes. And I look down at the floor and another cable has fallen to the floor that's the same exact end. And I'm like, my brain already is ahead of me. It already knew like before I I even, you know, and I'm like, oh my God, fucking God. And I switch out the power cables. The thing fires up immediately and shows me all the data where sure

0:35:34 Tom: You fucking kidding me are

0:36:07 Thomas: Enough, I backed up my downloads folder because obviously I did, and it's all there. That was one minute before I was going to try to go to bed and figure out how to still be married and function and be a human. I was like, I don't know when I'll be able to talk again, I was so mad. And then that happens. And I was like, you know, the relief reaction that happens after that, I was just like, what the fuck, what happened, you know, it was insane. But that's the delightful end of the story, is I did, I did, I know me, I did all the backup. And of course now I backed up the file, I saved it 10 different places and put it on the cloud. So the file is safe, I'm good. And I found a way to speak. But I did want to talk about, do you guys have any issues as men being comforted? Is that something that resonates with you at all?

0:36:08 Tom: You serious no yes

0:36:52 Eli: First address the fact that you live in a murder mystery of your own mind, like the notion of being like, hey, you guys know that feeling where you're like, wait, wait, this is something about your own thoughts, about your own mind. You have dementia.

0:36:57 Tom: I know

0:36:57 Thomas: Yes, yes, yeah, yeah.

0:37:08 Eli: You go look in a mirror right now, Thomas. You're 90 years old. You only think you're a young man recording a podcast. Me and Tom are long dead. That is the only way that phenomena makes sense is if you look down and your hands are old right now, and your computer is a piece of cardboard that the aides set up so you don't shit yourself before lunch. Yeah.

0:37:07 Tom: I could

0:37:13 Thomas: Tommy,

0:37:24 Tom: No

0:37:30 Thomas: Okay, Eli, that's one way of looking at it. I actually, and I know I, believe it or not, I actually have, I think it's, I it's not that I'm, late. It's that, that part of my brain is early on certain things. Like my, my brain just knows like there's something going on to this thing so I look at it that way but maybe you're right, I don't know, I'll look in a mirror and see if I'm 90.

0:37:48 Eli: Was gonna say right

0:37:49 Tom: Kind of identify, though, because like, my entire life has lived in a state of just bordering on overwhelmed chaos. All the time Just, I'm just like, I am always like a hair's breadth away. That's why when I got covid, I was like, when I, I don't, I don't know how this family's gonna function like. I literally like, I don't, what are we gonna do? Like, we're all, we should all just, and thankfully everybody else got covid so everything else ground to a halt and that was the only saving Grace, that was it, because it was like, okay, we're all gonna die together, that works. If I just, so like, I get it, because like, there's a, there's a sense that like you're just always on that. So I, I, all of the systems, Thomas, I'm kind of the same way. Like, all of my systems to make sure like we're putting away, we move, we're putting things away, and Haley's like, do you know where this is? I'm like, no, but I think I know where I would have put it and

0:37:56 Thomas: Yeah oh thank god everyone else got yeah

0:38:14 Eli: Exactly anyone

0:38:31 Thomas: Nope exactly yeah

0:38:38 Tom: Then I can find the location that a guy named Tom would put stuff in and then like most of the time it's there, she's like, well, how do you not know where things are? I'm like, I don't know where anything is, I just know where I, like, how I know myself well enough to know how things happen.

0:38:42 Thomas: Yes yes For me, I think this is all focus problems, but I think you're reaching it from a completely different angle, which is just, you've, you reach that same overwhelming thing by actually being overwhelmed all the time. Whereas I, my overwhelming, until, you know, until recent history was my own making, like my own adult making. Now I'm both now, now the reason my mind is so gone is not only do I have the, the confusion of my own making, I'm also catastrophically overwhelmed. Like you wouldn't believe like at a, at an existential level.

So that's why it's so hard, particularly now. Like I normally, my, I think normally my brain would have been like, Oh, I kind of remember I backed this up and I was doing it for this reason. But now my brain is like, dude, we're just, we're maxed. I don't know. Something happened. And so what I was going to say, though, my realization was, I think this is why I have to live in this like logical way all the time, because I need to be able to retrace my steps like I need to be predictable to myself, to my future

0:39:09 Tom: Right yeah

0:39:50 Thomas: Self. And I want to ask you, Tom, do you have the issue that when other people do stuff or put the keys in a place that's like, that's not where a person should put the keys. Does it piss you off?

0:39:50 Tom: No no I don't care at all no

0:40:02 Thomas: You don't care. Okay. You're able to function with someone else fucking with your shit.

0:40:03 Tom: No I, I do not and and I and let me tell you how, how deeply I've never cared less because if somebody does something with their shit, I'm like, cool. That's not something I have to worry about.

0:40:06 Thomas: No,

0:40:14 Tom: Like, but like if they put their keys, I don't care if they balance them on their fucking nose.

0:40:13 Thomas: No, no. I don't mean that. I don't where someone else does their shit where they do something with your shit. Now, no where they

0:40:18 Tom: Oh, my stuff. I

0:40:19 Thomas: Put your shit and you're like, I'm retracing my steps. I know I Tom would have put this here. And then you, you look forever and you find out like, oh no, this person did something incredibly illogical with my stuff. And that's why I couldn't find it for an hour. Do you have That issue? You

0:40:34 Tom: don'T know. No, because I don't think anybody, I'm trying to think of like when people, for like, I don't know that people put my stuff away very much. Like most people leave my shit alone. So I've got spaces in my house that are just kind of like Tom spaces.

0:40:44 Thomas: Like, no, I'm totally normal. I just execute anyone who touches my stuff immediately.

0:40:47 Eli: Who touches my belongings has to make it through the lightning fence, Thomas.

0:40:50 Thomas: Okay. Gotcha. Yeah.

0:40:48 Tom: No, it is nobody like, like, I don ''t Know. Know, nobody cleans up After me. So like, I don't like, think like, just like, I've got my office, there's no reason for anyone to Go in it. So.

0:40:56 Thomas: No, no, one cleans up I do I do all the cleaning it's someone borrows something of mine, yeah.

0:40:58 Tom: Yeah. Right.

0:40:58 Eli: Thomas, I, I, I sympathize with that experience, because I have a place for everything and everything's in its place, but it's not always a drawer or a cupboard or a this or a that, right? Like, sometimes I know that this pile of papers on my desk is for blank, right?

0:41:15 Thomas: Yeah. Match.

0:41:17 Eli: And I will say, I love her to death, but there is one person in the world who is worse about this than anything in the, it is my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is constantly cleaning and she puts stuff according to her system to the extent that now, when she enters my house, I have to be, be like, hey, Kristen, look at me, look at me, Kristen, nope, that's not me, look at me, look at my, nope, up a little bit higher, a little bit higher, hi, hi, married your daughter, hi, don't clean. What happens if juice spills? Oh no, juice spill, do we clean? No, no clean, because I will come back and I will find, for example, a chicken nugget has been placed inside a yogurt cup, and that yogurt cup has been placed inside a freezer, or all of my mail has been placed in the basement next to my lawnmower.

0:42:07 Tom: What?

0:42:10 Eli: And I'm just well, she's

0:42:10 Thomas: Oh, so she's not cleaning. Okay. She's just doing insane pranks.

0:42:15 Tom: She's just she's

0:42:15 Eli: In her head in in her head, she's cleaning, and I truly, nothing like it, but Anna will do it occasionally, and I'll be like, oh yeah, the table was messy and people were coming over, and I'd be like, cool, where is literally every exact thing, and she'll be like I I have an image in my mind of where everything is.

0:42:15 Tom: Creating a scavenger hunt for you

0:42:17 Thomas: Yeah.

0:42:31 Thomas: In Yes.

0:42:35 Eli: So I need you now, who moved them, to take everything and trans - If you translate it to the new location, I'm good. What you can't do is point at that pile over there.

0:42:46 Tom: Now, see, I, I will say that I do make Haley crazy because she'll, I, I do clean after her and after everyone else, but I have no idea where I put anything. So I clean up and then Hayley will be like, well, where'd you put the whatever the fuck, and I'll be like, oh no, I have no idea, but, but Then I always follow it with Like, but

0:42:56 Thomas: Oh, God. Oh, that's horrible. Okay, can we get Haley on the line. Tom, can we give Haley, Haley you know, when Tom fucks with your shit and there's no logical reason for it.

0:43:09 Eli: Exactly, yeah.

0:43:06 Tom: I will follow it up with right. But I, but I will say I'm like, oh, I have no idea, but I'll find it, and then I will always find it. Like, I always find it. But I'm just like, but she's flabbergasted that I don't know where it is, and I'm like, no, you, you don't understand. I have to look in the place that a guy like me would put it. That's probably going to be where I'll find it. So I do want to return to the comforting idea. I really like, I really think this is something really worth exploring because I hate and want to be comforted at the same time. And I, and when I say I hate it, I mean, like, I don't want to need to be comforted, right?

Like I do not want that to be something that I need. Um, and I don't want it to to be something that has any kind of like, don't want it to be a long-term thing. I don't want to be looked at as whiny. I don't, I have a lot of that stuff, right? I definitely have a lot of stuff. Um, so I don't know how to ask for help with that kind of thing. I've no idea how to like ask for that. And so what I'll try to do, and then we don't, it's funny because like Haley has pretty severe ADHD and I think it, it, it plays into the sort of like difficulty because typically the, the problem that I have is like, I'm just, I'll just be like, I'm really fucked.

I don't need any help with any of this stuff. I got ahold of it, but like, I just feel really fucking stressed by all this. And I'm like, just kind of at my wits end. Right. But I don't really know how to vent at all in a way that feels like I've vented anything. It just feels. And so then I'll just lay there and I'll be like.

So I just I guess that I'm telling you out loud now that I don't feel particularly happy about my circumstance and, but there's nothing to it. Cause I'm just trying to have no idea how

0:43:17 Thomas: Oh, okay, Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

0:43:29 Eli: Yeah.

0:44:49 Tom: To like articulate. And then if there is a real problem, problem, Haley has really significant ADHD. And the wonderful thing about significant, powerful, strong ADHD is that if there is a crisis, the best person to have in your corner is an ADHD person. Right. But that also, so when there's a crisis, she's not going to come to me and comfort me. What she's going to do is help solve the problem. I don't want that. I have no interest in that.

0:45:05 Thomas: Yes. No. Yeah. Yeah.

0:45:17 Tom: I've already solved the problem, right? Or there is no solution and that's why I've already brought, like by the time I've brought this problem to you, I already either know the direction we're going or know there isn't really a solution. But Haley is just finding out about about this crisis. And so she snaps into crisis mode and I'm just like, yeah, but I just, I'm not okay. And I have no ability to articulate that I'm Not okay. I'm just a fucking garbage train wreck piece of shit when it comes to like needing emotional support. And so I fixed that problem. And here's what I do guys by not needing it. And that has worked for me for 45 years for 45 years that has worked pretty good.

0:45:19 Thomas: Right. Right. Right. Yes.

0:45:52 Thomas: Well, Tom, can, can I offer a distinction? I'm curious and I want to get your thoughts, so can we separate a problem that potentially is solvable with, someone died, or a heartbreak, or a whatever, and, and can you think about like, how does that, how does that change the calculus if something, you know, your, your mom's, I was gonna say your mom, your mom's monkey dies, and that God I'm gonna fucking by the way, I'm going to need a big hug when you're, geez, oh, oh, boy, I don't I don't want to think about it, I don't want to think about it.

0:45:59 Tom: Like yeah.

0:46:16 Tom: Well, no, I'll give you, I'd give you an example. We had to, we

0:46:20 Eli: Oh, when Gilligan goes? God. God rest him. Yeah, I don't know. Not

0:46:27 Thomas: Not today, yeah.

0:46:27 Eli: Today. Not today, too dark. Mark. What

0:46:28 Tom: I can give you an example. Cause I was trying to think of one. So we had, I had a dog named Fergus and I loved my dog named Fergus. He was a, he was not a good dog. That's the point of the story. He was a bad dog. He wasn't a bad boy.

0:46:37 Thomas: The fucking dog, yeah.

0:46:39 Tom: Like he was a great dog when he was just me in my apartment. Um, he was really decent and okay behaved for the most part when it was just me and him. But when we all moved in together with two cats and four kids and a big house, he had some dominance issues and he just was not a good fit for a lot of reasons for our home. And we had to rehome him for his own wellbeing. Like he just wasn't going to thrive in our home and, but I I loved Fergus. Like I loved that dog.

Like, I had just real, like, if he's my buddy, I fucking loved Fergus, but the right thing to do was for me to find him a new home, and so I found him a new home, and I remember, like, I, like I, I was like, upset, I was just like, I cried, I wasn't upset, and like, and then I just immediately, I like, I like, I went to Haley and I was upset, she's like, what's wrong? And I'm like, oh, you know, Fergus, or whatever, like, I had to let him go today, and she didn't really understand, understand, I think, like, how attached I was, and that

0:46:39 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah,

0:47:36 Tom: I was going to react to it as much because I don't, I don't typically react, and so, and so I had this like moment but then like I immediately wanted it to be over because I didn't like the way it felt, I didn't like, I did not want to cry in front of my wife that's

0:47:36 Eli: It is to love

0:47:47 Thomas: Tom I think I know what's going on with both of us. I think it's actually the toxic independence because I, you and I, both, we look at ourselves as if something needs to be solved, it's, there's no question of asking someone else, like, you, you, you do it. And so the, so the, the rare times where you and I need comforting, it's because we've exhausted every possible avenue. And then we're in a state of like, what the fuck? Like, there's something, it's impossible. You know, like, we're going to say like, this is not possible. And so like, we want some comfort, but, but no, no, like any questions about, yeah,

0:48:04 Tom: My problem yeah, right, yeah.

0:48:29 Tom: But but I will not show a crack that that allows you to give that to me. It's like, and

0:48:31 Eli: Yeah,

0:48:34 Thomas: I don't, I think I'm slightly different on that. Maybe I wouldn't, I don't know. I think I'm good with just a hug, you know, but any like questions or, you know what I'm like, I've already, I'm already, I've done it. I've whatever it is. I already thought of it. You know, like my ADHD or as you say, emergency brain went through 5 billion possibilities and I've said everything. Just give me a hug maybe, but even then sometimes I feel a little bit like I don't want that. I don don't know hmm

0:49:02 Tom: And I want to be very clear, and there's something else that I wanted to bring up too, but like, like, Haley gives me the, of all the people that I've ever known in my life that have tried to offer advice, the best advice I ever get, if there is a problem, is from Haley. So when she and I have to put our head together to solve a problem, or if I need help solving a problem that feels just like intractable, there is, there's just nobody better, because like, that crisis mode that she snaps into, she's extraordinarily creative and focused, and like, it's just, it's awesome, it's awesome, and, and so she is a hundred percent my go-to, and she, when I need something that I can't solve, and there, there have been times where I can't solve it, but like, the, the moments where you need to be comforted are things that can't be solved, right? Like, they can't, that's, that's why you need comfort, but like, for me, I don't want want to need it, right.

0:49:39 Thomas: Yeah exactly but I think our brains won't let us go into that mode I think our brains are stuck in like I'm not gonna be like oh poor baby give a hug like that's not gonna do anything like I'm still in the mode of like no there must be a solution but I'm trapped because there isn't so hug maybe but like also still trying to solve, you know, like it's a weird purgatory what about you, Eli you

0:49:52 Tom: Yeah. Yeah.

0:50:09 Eli: I think when we are problem solvers naturally, it's very hard, one, to admit that we don't have a solution, so that's, that's a huge part of it, and then two, to to even entertain that someone might have thought of something we haven't, had especially since a lot of the early part of that comfort conversation is going to be thoughts you've had a lot, and thoughts that you're frustrated with. So if someone's like, well, have you checked the recycling bin, right, you're right, you're so reactive in that moment that it's, the other person is real, they're just laying the groundwork, and you're like, go right, they're starting the process, and you're mad.

And then on top of that is the thing that I've had to learn, which is incredibly difficult, which is like, sometimes you feel really bad, and that's it, and that is okay, right? And like, a lot of men will be like, yeah, no, I know that, I know, I, I do know that, I actually do know that, I do know, I am aware of that, I've read several articles on that, and you're like, cool, so like, when's the last time you just like felt the fullness of your sadness and then it just let it pass naturally on its own? Never, not ever.

0:50:34 Thomas: Yes yeah the first thing I did yeah yeah

0:50:48 Tom: Man.

0:50:49 Thomas: They're just starting the process yeah yeah yeah

0:51:21 Eli: Once I would never do that.

0:51:21 Thomas: That's something that I think only depressed people have a lot of practice at that, Eli, because I came to that realization actually, you know, I think you helped me with that, Eli. I think, I think at some point in our conversations, I heard you talk about that and it, it helps actually. And again, I'm not talking clinical need to be hospitalized depression. I'm talking, I had a persistent, you know, that was a little bit lower grade. And when I'm having a bad depression day, it does help to be able to be like, this is just, this is stub my toe. This is just like, I broke my leg for a day. This is, but like, it's my brain. You know what I mean? Like I just need, it's, I'm going to suffer for a day and it's taken many years to not, cause depression is so glorified in our society. You know, like your first reaction, especially when you're young is, oh, my depression must mean something. There must be some tragedy to some, you know, but it's like, no, my brain's just, I stubbed my brain for a year or two and I need,

0:51:57 Eli: Yeah. Right. I can solve it. Right? Yeah. I,

0:52:18 Thomas: You know, and it helps.

0:52:18 Eli: I hate, hate when people quote their therapist, but I'm gonna quote my therapist because I think it's really useful. So my therapist is a rabbi, which is super funny.

0:52:26 Thomas: Oh my God. I would kill for that podcast. Eli and his therapist, Rabbi.

0:52:27 Eli: Um, Hey, good news, Thomas. Good news. Uh, so he says this thing, he's an ACT therapist. And one of the of the things that he talks about is like the normal brain you're in the car stuck in traffic and you're like, "Fuck, I hate traffic," and that's normal, you're allowed to be like, "Fuck a traffic," but where the thought gets unhealthy is why doesn't this fucking car fly, right?

That where the unhealthy brain comes in is when you are stuck in graphic, you know, you're stuck in graphic, it is unhealthy, it's fine to feel that way, but you're not going, "I am frustrated by this, this traffic, this traffic makes me upset. It makes me sad. I'm going to miss things." You're going, "I know there's a button I can push on this car. The car could fucking fly. Why doesn't the car fly? Why?

Oh, why doesn't this car fly." And it's just at a certain point, you got to realize when you're having that moment where you're not being able to be comforted, or I, again, I can only speak for myself, when you're having that moment where you're not able to be comforted, where you're not able to feel your feelings, it's because you're trying to make the car fly, right, you're

0:53:30 Thomas: Interesting.

0:53:30 Eli: Not dealing with the fact that you're in traffic, you're over there trying to make the car fly, and everyone who comes to you is giving you traffic solutions and you're looking for how to make a car fly. If I can extend that metaphor to death

0:53:43 Thomas: Can I ask your rabbi, what if the reason I'm stuck is I'm trying to turn right and the guy in front of me has left four car lengths in front of him? If he just moved up one foot, what about, is that okay? Can I

0:53:52 Eli: Right. And then You look in that car and, and it's you from the past, wearing a jigsaw, man.

0:53:58 Thomas: No. I would never I would

0:54:03 Eli: And

0:54:03 Thomas: Never leave that much space in front, are you kidding me? We in a society, Eli, we live on a society.

0:54:09 Tom: I want to go back to a previous episode real quick, and I know that we're a little over on time, but sometimes this show like really makes me, after we record, and I'll, I'll sit with something that we've talked about for a while. And it kind of gets back to that toxic independence idea. And it comes back to the idea of like being able to receive criticism. This is something that's like popping up as, we sort of unpack and kind of go through this process here in our home. And it's been something I've been mulling over, and somebody on the Facebook page actually made a point that I didn't understand it first, and I've been endeavoring to understand it since because I think there was something there, and I kind of just seized upon it recently that I don't know if you guys are the same way, but when something is my problem or responsibility and I have solved that problem or taken on that responsibility, somebody else complains about that solution

0:54:13 Thomas: No,

0:55:05 Tom: Even if they are complaining about the situation, situation that that solution is sort of a part of, it is impossible for me to separate that from a criticism of myself, do you, so, so I'll give you like a recent example, like, and this is a silly example, but like when you unpack a house full of stuff, when you, when you move and you're unpacking, you've got a houseful of stuff, like I did a lot of that physical labor because Haley just right right now is not able to do that labor, right, so I did, I did the 90% of that physical labor and as we're unpacking, the process of unpacking and finding homes for everything is a lot of work. And it's not fun work, and it's frustrating, and so as we, as we've been going through it, there has been grousing from like all parties at some point that, you know, I can't find this, or where is that, or why isn't this with this thing, and it is, it is so hard for me to separate that grousing or complaining from an attack on my labor, on

0:55:16 Thomas: Yeah. Oh, yeah. No.

0:56:07 Eli: Oh,

0:56:07 Tom: The work that I did to get us here

0:56:07 Eli: Yeah.

0:56:07 Thomas: Can I ask you, can I can I sprinkle a little spice of something else in there, Tom, that that I think Could also be going on, or maybe this is just me? There's person by not being more sensitive in this moment is this person should be in tune enough with the situation and how I would feel by that criticism of the process to be more delicate. And the fact that they're not doing that makes me feel like they don't appreciate me in a broader sense than just this one thing. You know what I mean? Like, it's not just like, oh, they don'T like how I did this thing. It's like, Oh, if they cared more about me, they would have been more delicate here, which is it's insane.

0:56:08 Tom: Sure yeah I I I do I think there's well

0:56:46 Eli: Right.

0:56:47 Thomas: Like people just often don't think. And yeah, yeah, it'S like, mm

0:56:47 Tom: It that's all insane, yeah, like I I like I want to raise my hand and say, like, I know that what I should do is take a step back and say, yeah, like, everyone is just frustrated because, because there's a lot of work to do, right? But because getting here, it's, it's sort of like, like, like, again, just the example of just like, because we just moved to this house, it's like we just move to this house and, um, annoying that there's like windows in this room or whatever, and it's like, okay, but like, like I fucking just bought us this house, you know, like we could have, like, I just did like all of this represents to me work and effort and like love and care that I have poured into making other people comfortable.

And so I have a very difficult time separating criticism of the thing from a criticism of myself. And I've been really, really sitting with that over the last week and two week or two, because that's not healthy for me. Right, that nobody is saying, and I want to like give credit where it's due, nobody is saying, Tom, you did a bad job, right? But

0:57:19 Thomas: Oh, so somebody's complaining. You're like, I bought us this fucking house. It was so hard. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Well,

0:57:19 Eli: Right. Give it a minute. Yeah.

0:57:52 Thomas: Right,

0:57:53 Tom: The criticism

0:57:53 Thomas: Right, yeah,

0:57:53 Eli: They're just like, where are the flashlights?

0:57:53 Tom: Right, yeah, but it's like, it's a little more than that. It's, it's sort of like, why aren't the flashlights where I can find? Why wouldn't they be packed you know, more logically by this other thing. And it's like, slow your roll, I did all of this like I did 14 what it's like, I didn't, I did like 8, 14 hour days in a row of labor to get us here, so, but I, I recognize like that's on me, right, because like frustrations

0:58:00 Eli: Exactly right. Yeah. Oh.

0:58:02 Thomas: Yeah, there probably was some other consideration that may may, yeah, yeah, yeah, well hold on hold on, let me, let me be the devil on your shoulder Tom.

0:58:20 Eli: I was going to say, yeah,

0:58:21 Thomas: There's also, that's what I struggle with, because I think part of a healthy mentality is knowing when to not be trampled over, that's a, that's an extreme term, but like knowing when it's okay for you to expect better in certain ways. And so that's what I struggle with sometimes, which is like, I'm mad about this thing, what percentage is, and definitely there's a percentage, is all right, I'm an asshole, I need to get over it, but what percentage is it also, well, I don't know, I feel like maybe this person could have known that this would be something that's pretty sensitive, or or even in general is sensitive, not just to me, to everybody. So is there room for like, hey, this feels like you could have been more considerate there. You know what I mean? Like,

0:58:20 Tom: Are real no

0:59:00 Eli: Yeah

0:59:01 Thomas: That's what I struggle with.

0:59:01 Eli: Yeah. And let me add on to this in the Tom should be angry, stay angry train.

0:59:07 Tom: No, I'm not angry, I'm not I'm trying to, I'm try to grow and be better no, no, no, I'm trying

0:59:08 Thomas: Let's make Tom really mad. Let's just, yeah. Yeah. We're trying to stop that, Tom. We want trying to, we want to prevent your growth.

0:59:11 Tom: No, yeah

0:59:11 Eli: Cause yeah, no, you're not. We want you to get mad, get mad. Stay mad. No, cause, cause here's the other thing too. And I, I discover this a lot is someone will be like, Hey, I have some notes on the system and I'll be like oh, the system I created that's working. And they'll be Like, yeah, I know I just got here, but I'd like to make some changes. And you're like, hey, how about you fuck yourself? Huh? Huh? How about you fuck yourself? I'm juggling nine bowling balls and you got some notes on my fucking form. Here's what you can do. You can juggle nine balls or you can shut the fuck up.

0:59:15 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:59:42 Eli: And look, the truth is a healthy way to approach anything is for someone to be able to come over and go, hey, I might have some insight into your juggling form and for you not to go juggle all the balls or shut the fucking up. But it's, there is something to be said for, hey, I need you to acknowledge that I am juggling nine balls right now and this forum is what's keeping it going right, So, so if you're gonna stop the process it better be an emergency. Yeah.

1:00:06 Thomas: Yeah. Or You want the acknowledgement of like, don't come in here like I haven't already thought of every fucking bowling ball juggling technique, or at least likely have. Like, at least give me the dignity since I'm doing all this work and like making this miracle happen or whatever, doing all this stuff. At least give, give me the dignity of, oh, hey, you probably thought of this, but like, just in case, you know, something like, like something to acknowledge that like you're a competent person. And it is, it is ego driven, is like, I do want to feel like someone doesn't think I'm an idiot. That definitely. And Tom, that's why, I mean, like, part of that is on me. Some part of it could be, most of it is on me. Like, I need to be better about like, all right, it's fine if someone says something that comes across like I'm a idiot. Like, I mean, to get better at that.

But I do think there's a certain amount where people should be sensitive, if Eli's juggling nine bowling balls, to come in and be like, hey, it's my first day of juggling bowling balls, but like, you're an idiot, here's how you do it. You know, like, that's not OK. Like, you should be able to be

1:00:34 Tom: You should

1:01:06 Thomas: Sensitive to that.

1:01:06 Tom: But I think also, like, I, as I really been like, like, sitting with all of this, as I've really been, like, thinking about all of this, I think, you know, one of the things that I want to learn to do better is to receive criticism when criticism is directed at me and to not receive criticism when it is indirect criticism, right? So I do not want to take in criticism that is not intended as criticism, that is intended as somebody else voicing their own feeling, right, so, like, if somebody else is voicing a feeling about something that, yeah, maybe I did all the steps leading up to that thing, right, but I know it's not intended toward me, and that maybe, like, it's just like they're frustrated and overwhelmed too in this moment. Like, I think we really need, I think we're, the healthiest thing to do is to find a way. And I don't know the way is to find a, to separate direct criticism from indirect criticism and then to just ignore indirect direct criticism and

1:01:26 Thomas: OK. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah,

1:02:05 Tom: To be like, that's not actually for me, that's not intended to be a critique of Tom, that's intended to just be them expressing or venting their feelings. Yes.

1:02:06 Thomas: I, Tom, we talk about like, oh, what is a man? What should masculinity be? What should, like, often I think we come to the same conclusion, which, for one, I don't really think it's gender based, but even if it was, it should be competence.

It should be being able to, you know, be the best version of yourself and do, and I know the, the robot answer, I know the, like, if there is a fucking android who's programmed to be the perfect man or whatever human, I know the answer, the answer is, well, why would you waste any time feeling insulted, all you should do is, if there's good helpful criticism, take that, if there's not, ignore it, like literally, and, and not about, I don't know, the distinction about directed to you or not, maybe that, maybe that's the same thing, but like you should be able to, if you were a perfect data robot fucking thing, just ignore the, the, you know, self part of like, are they implying that, I don't know what, and just take any useful information, like I know that's what should be done, but, but we're not data robot human whatever, and oftentimes these are relationships, and I think it's valid to make a bit of an ask in the relationship that either your partner, your, your friend, your whoever, have some sensitivity for stuff like that.

You know what I mean? Me give you an example, an interaction that I don't think this is optimal, but I actually do think it's like, you know, in math when there can be multiple optimal peaks of a graph or whatever, I think this is like a local maximum is what you'd call it, I'm thinking calculus or whatever.

I think that given the state of me, an interaction I have with Lydia quite frequently is that I have, in the sense that I, have grown out of, you lashing out in these ways that are really shitty. Like, I won't lash out, but I will feel hurt by things that perhaps I shouldn't feel hurt by. Like, that will happen. That will happen, I feel hurt

1:02:29 Tom: Yeah yeah yeah

1:03:59 Thomas: My things and, but, I've grown enough to know like, all right, I'm, well, it's, I can't know with certainty, but I, but I'm able to say, look, I think some part of this is me. I'm not sure. And maybe all of it. So what I do is I'll just, I'll just express it. I'll just say, hey, I felt a little, like, you know, when you said that it, it, like, you didn't value that I've done such and such thing.

And that just gives, if it's Lydia, for example, the opportunity to say, oh, I don't know, I'm sorry, no, I, I didn't think that at all. Done. Bam. End of thing. It's like, all right, I've gotten, I have in a calm way expressed like, hey, I felt a little bad. And even if it's not really her fault or my fault or whatever.

And I think we have the kind of relationship where it's, like, she's not going to, you all in on herself and be like, oh, what have I done? What have I, you, you know, I think we're at the level in our relationship where she can recognize that I'm kind of just needing a little acknowledgement of something and she can give me that acknowledgement and then we're fucking, then we both feel great and it's over and we're done, you know?

1:05:03 Tom: I think, I think where I struggle, I was saying, because I, I don't disagree with you, but like, there's a part of me that still feels like pushing back and, and, and I guess, like, the part of me that, like, I really am in the process of really thinking about over the last few weeks as we've done this show, like, is, I do feel, because I treat other people directionally this way, and I'm not, maybe, maybe that's not right, is that if somebody does something for me and takes the task off my hands, then that task is above reproach, even if I don't like the way they've done it. Right. So we talked about this, like if somebody Does my laundry, somebody does my dishes. Is, if somebody goes and runs an errand for me, right?

1:05:34 Thomas: Oh my God. If somebody would do my laundry right now, I don't care if it ends up in blood, like just total, you

1:05:44 Tom: Unless I'm paying for it.

1:05:44 Thomas: Did a great job. Thank you. Yeah.

1:05:45 Tom: Like unless I'm paying for, if I pay for it, that's different, right. I have a nanny who helps me. I'm happy to give her feedback. But if somebody just does something for me in my life, even if I don't like the way they did it, That is above reproach in my mind because they took something on and I don't have to do it. Right, maybe that's insane. Like I will say like, maybe that's insane, same, because I don't see other people doing that. I don't see anyone else doing that.

1:05:48 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure, no. It's not, yeah. And we're saying you should be more mad about that.

1:06:10 Tom: Yeah. But but I think, but I don't, I don't know that being mad is like useful, is, I guess what I'm saying is like, how do you find a middle ground where you're like, okay, the reality is that this is not a way the world actually does behave, right? Like, so, so if maybe the ideal is to say anything someone does for me is beyond a reproach, even if I don't like the way they did it, because they took time out of other day to do something nice. It took something off my plate and I don't have to do it. That is in my mind a good way. But I also know that, all right, 99% of the people I'm going to meet in my life aren't there.

1:06:10 Thomas: Yeah.

1:06:11 Eli: Yep.

1:06:44 Thomas: There's a certain realism that's good to have, yeah. But

1:06:47 Tom: And so, yeah. So I don't think it's healthy to live in a world that isn't real.

1:06:51 Thomas: I'm talking about, when you're in a close relationship, I think it's okay to try to calibrate things for each other a little bit, you know, like, to try to be like, all right, here's a thing I have, could we maybe

1:06:57 Tom: Sure. But I hate it when the kids do it, I'm reactive, like inside. Now I don't say anything, but inside I'm reactive when the kiddo does it, right? They're kids. I'm reactive when anyone does it, because it's like, if I did it for you, like, I don't want to be criticized. Like, then do it, it yourself, you know, and that is a shit, that's my dad, right, that's a, oh, you don't't like the way I did it, next time it's all yours and that's his shit attitude

1:07:00 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:17 Eli: Or or it's like, hey, just so you know, I would love for next time for it to be yours, except we both know you'll fuck it up, so I'm gonna keep doing it, but in my head right now as I'm walking away saying nothing, I want you to know you're getting a real talking to about appreciating me, but I'm just gonna stuff it down.

1:07:26 Tom: Yeah.

1:07:35 Tom: Just something, I, and I don't have an answer for it's just something my struggle with, nothing, no, that I think I've got an answers. It's just that it's fun sometimes, the way this show kind of, like, after we'll, we'll do the show and we'll think about it. And I'll sometimes read through comments and I'll, I'll really spin on something for a little bit and think like, you know, am I really that easy to give criticism to? Am I a safe person to criticize?

1:07:59 Tom: I, and I'm not a hundred percent sure that, that I always am in, in all the ways I'd like to be. And it's fine as we do this show to see opportunities for me to grow on it. I just wanted to kind of bring that up because it's something than I've been wrestling with over the last few weeks.

1:07:59 Thomas: Mm hmm. Yeah. Right. And I think you should be more mad. And if you're not if you agree with me, I guess you don't recognize all the really hard work I've done on myself to reach these psychological conclusions. Why don't you do my psychological work next time, Tom? If you do better.

1:08:26 Tom: Oh God,

1:08:28 Eli: Perfect right, gentlemen, before we head out, one question. Did you know that it's illegal to laugh too loudly in Hawaii?

1:08:43 Eli: Yeah, you need to keep it to aloha.

1:08:45 Tom: Aloha.

1:08:50 Thomas: Are those getting funny, or are you converting me into dad joke appreciator? No, I think they're getting funnier. Yours were shit earlier. No, I'm just kidding. Oh.

1:08:58 Eli: Yeah,

1:08:59 Tom: Are you get a better dad book? I think you got a better pun book. Switch from popsicle sticks to candy wrappers.

1:09:05 Eli: To bazooka Joe.

1:09:10 Clip: Want to meet sexy DILFs in your area? Email the dads at DearOldDads.com or, better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on Cognitive Dissonance, Thomas on Serious Inquiries Only, and Eli on Godawful Movies and all the Puzzle in the Thunderstorm shows. Dear Old Dads is edited and produced by my favorite DILF, Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music, which is used with his permission. This podcast is a production of Daddy Issues LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

1:09:48 Thomas: Don't miss it, gents. And no, that's don't mess it, listeners. You should definitely get on patreon.com/ Dear Old Dads.

1:09:54 Eli: Don't miss it, men and

1:09:55 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, miss it.

1:09:56 Eli: Men, only women, women, non-binary people,

1:10:00 Thomas: Definitely miss it

1:10:00 Eli: You can miss it. It's okay for you to miss it with your vaginas. Oh,

1:10:06 Thomas: Stop being funny. I have to put my bullshit mistake in you bastard, bastard.

1:10:08 Tom: No

1:10:10 Eli: Scott, I hate when people do that. Sorry, sorry, it's the worst thing on a podcast I

1:10:13 Tom: You don't no

1:10:13 Thomas: Oh yeah. No, you're the one who does that. You asshole.

1:10:15 Tom: You don't know you don no you

1:10:17 Eli: Know. I do. It all, and I hate I listen to it and I'm like, I fucking hate, hate it so much, no.

1:10:18 Tom: Don't