February Vacation Post 5: Gift Giving

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:00:00 Tom: Giving gifts, which I think we talked about in an episode, so this I'm happy to do this one too. I am excellent at giving gifts. I don't usually talk about myself in such unqualified ways, but this is just true. I believe in gift giving as an act of love and affection, and I believe that giving gifts is a sign that you are listening and seeing the person that you were providing a gift for. I also believe that it is important to take any excuse to celebrate someone and to express your affection for them. But the giving of gifts can seem a difficult task.

You may have limited resources, or you may want to give something really meaningful and thoughtful, but you're just drawing a blank. Don't worry. Follow than occasions to give them. Alright, so let's imagine you need to get a gift for a girlfriend. You have a limited budget, but you want to give her something that shows you're really tuned in. So what should you do? We should tune in. Listen to her. Try this. Get out a piece of paper. Write down three things she has complained about in the last few weeks. Has she complained about being cold, even in a warm house?

Cozy presents in her favorite color will remind her of you when she puts them on. Does she sometimes lose her keys? Get her a Bluetooth key finder and a nice little charm for her key ring. Now when she loses her keys, she will find not just her keys but a little reminder that you care about her. Listen to the things she complains about, the little inconveniences of her day, and then find ways to solve them. This will show her that you're listening and that you care.

0:01:41 Tom: What does she really love to do or be surrounded by? What calms her or excites her? What does he gush about? How does she spend her time? Pay attention to her when she is happy and try to add to her collection of joys. If she loves alpacas because they're soft, see if you can find her a scarf knit from their fur. Does she love a certain TV show or movie? Find a poster, or a book, memorabilia, or experience related to that favorite for her to enjoy.

0:02:13 Tom: Give experiences, when possible, more than things. Things are wonderful, but when it's possible, the best gifts will produce memories. Think about the things she enjoys and look for ways to turn what she loves into an experience you can share. If she's into anime, look for a con you can attend, even if it's virtual.

0:02:36 Tom: Be more generous with your gifts to others than you are with yourself. Giving is an act of love and affection. Don't be stingy with your guests. If you would spend a dollar on yourself, spend two on her. Show her that she has value in your life by assigning your relationship value. The trick is really just to pay attention. Every complaint or inconvenience is an opportunity to find a solution. Everything she loves or achieves, every joy she shares, is a chance to hear and celebrate.

Think of gift giving as a hobby of love. Keep track of ideas when you don't need a gift. Keep notes of the things that she loves, the things she hates. Write down clothing sizes. Listen when she compliments someone else. Take note of the things that catch her eye, learn her aesthetic. On occasion, you may give what I think of as generic or customary gifts. Flowers and chocolates, these are great examples.

If you're going to give a customary gift, this is still a chance to show her that you're listening. If she loves yellow, don't buy red roses. If he loves dark chocolate and hates nuts, get her candy that reflects exactly what she loves the most. If you're going to get her a stuffed animal, get a plush of her favorite animal. Even generic gifts can be thoughtful if you're paying attention.

0:04:03 Tom: Finally, remember this, that gifts are for other people. You don't have to get it. You don't even have to like it. All you have to do is pay attention. Give gifts which make the receiver feel the way you want them to feel. Keep these thoughts in mind, and you'll never run short of ideas.