Law'd Awful Movies #1: The Firm

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors — the audio is the record.

0:01:16 Thomas: Hello and welcome to the first ever, oh well shit, trademark pending, Andrew, can we call this Law'd Awful Movies, or is that, to do I need to bleep that out

0:01:26 Andrew: Gonna go with I'm going to go with yes for now

0:01:27 Thomas: Okay well I'll talk to a lawyer, but as soon as I do, yeah, this was a great idea, I'm gonna go ahead and say you had it, Andrew, because I don't remember who had it, so I think it was you, yeah you're right, maybe I should introduce our participants, spins first. So there's me and there's, and there'S, uh, yeah, there's Andrew, who, you know, because he listened to the show and there was Sam, Sam, for people who don't know you, why don't you talk about yourself for a sec?

0:01:28 Andrew: Yeah

0:01:38 Sam: I thought I came up with it. A participant. Hi, I'm participant.

0:01:55 Sam: Okay. I only exist on... Yeah, well, I was fifth in my class. Actually, fifth human ever to do anything.

0:02:06 Thomas: I'm just going to play this the entire time. Anytime Sam's doing anything, I'm going to just play this. Oh man.

0:02:06 Andrew: Look,

0:02:10 Sam: That's so terrible. Sorry, I was away from the mic because I was flipping. I was doing several handstand flips.

0:02:19 Thomas: We'll get to that, we'll get to the... oh man. So anyway, yeah, Sam, Sam's from Comedy Shoeshine, and he's also from my brother. He's also, is my brother, is a brother from the act, my actual mother. And I thought it'd be fun to have Sam come on here. Actually, Sam and I, so I'm gonna go ahead and say, yes, of course, we're ripping off god-awful movies, but also Sam and I have been reviewing crap since the F this days, uh, in a similar way. We did a great Ghost Hunters episode where we broke down an entire episode of ghost hunters. So I'll point to that as like, we're not quite just ripping off God awful movies. Um, even though we are,

0:02:26 Sam: That's That's all I do from your mother's womb.

0:02:49 Sam: Oh yeah.

0:02:56 Andrew: There is absolutely you there, the copyright law is very, very clear that you cannot copyright an idea, right? Like, like, that's why there are 37 different you-can-be-the-next-singing-star shows on TV, right? Like, so, own nothing.

0:02:56 Thomas: Hmm.

0:03:11 Sam: Yeah. People have been making fun of movies since before movies.

0:03:12 Thomas: Okay, cool. So let's start one of those shows instead of doing this. Yeah.

0:03:16 Sam: So I think we're

0:03:17 Thomas: Yeah, um, but yeah, we've been doing that for a while and then I figured it'd be fun to have Sam on here and, uh. Give it, give it, give it our best shot go ahead

0:03:17 Sam: All right. Yes. Thanks for, thanks for letting me watch a two and a half hour movie several times. What a gift.

0:03:25 Thomas: Yeah this was actually just an

0:03:28 Sam: I owe you big time.

0:03:27 Andrew: Yeah,

0:03:28 Thomas: Elaborate practical joke like a grudge between brothers that yeah, so

0:03:30 Sam: Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, how can I get Sam to watch this terrible movie?

0:03:35 Thomas: That, that, that's a good segue into what I wanted to talk about first, which is let's give all our excuses for why this is really fucking hard and won't be funny. I just want to get that done off the bat. Like, what's your, give me your best excuses for why this won't be fun, start so. It was a two and a half hour fucking movie that we had to sit through the entire thing. And And it's, so the thing about, like, Mystery Science Theater and god-awful movies is they're working with the shittiest movies imaginable, with terrible acting and no plot and no lines and bad writing, and there'll be a boom mic in every scene that they can make fun of.

This is like actually a pretty good movie, it's actually not bad, it was nominated for a few awards. Yeah yeah, and it's, and the other thing about it that maybe we should have, you know, know, thought a little more ahead on, is it's the most convoluted plot. Like, I have four million notes of the plot to try to take the listeners through it. So all that, so that's all my excuses. Also, I'm limping today, my ankle hurts a little bit.

0:04:09 Sam: For the time, especially.

0:04:31 Sam: Mm-hmm.

0:04:31 Thomas: I'm sure that'll factor in.

0:04:32 Sam: Show, but we just had our 100th show of Comedy Shoeshine. There's a ton of planning and special guests.

0:04:34 Thomas: Yeah yeah so much went into that, yeah, that's why I'm limping.

0:04:38 Sam: New, just new ridiculous stunts. I mean, we're exhausted.

0:04:43 Thomas: Actually it was a really difficult stunts, um, okay.

0:04:44 Sam: Yeah, that is why we're... Also, the piano, just constant piano is my excuse.

0:04:48 Thomas: Okay. Yeah.

0:04:47 Andrew: My excuse is really easy because, as a lawyer, I'm not funny. So, but

0:04:55 Thomas: Oh, yeah, that's true. I can vouch for that. Andrew is just not funny.

0:04:58 Sam: Not funny. I guess I can't do Comedy Shoeshine inside joke lines. No one will get them.

0:05:03 Thomas: Yeah, that is true. Well, you can. Oh

0:05:05 Sam: Yeah, just edit that out. It

0:05:05 Andrew: The... yeah yeah it's

0:05:05 Thomas: Man. So, Yeah. The first thing to note about this movie, let's get into it. The Firm, Tom Cruise. The piano music is a little jarring, and it is, it's non-stop, it's just, that was what you heard a second ago, was this, that's just all the time just there's non, and it's very, it's weird. My thought is like, so you've got this thriller, this like tense legal drama where people are, you know, people are killed, people or whatever, and like that's what you go with, the dead end of the battle. Yeah.

0:05:24 Sam: Never ends yeah yeah

0:05:41 Andrew: Kind of a Schroeder from Peanuts going through like his emo phase right yeah, okay

0:05:44 Thomas: That's when I said Yeah.

0:05:47 Sam: It is like Peanuts, yeah, the the the mood of the songs that they're playing during the movie don't really fit whatever scene it is. It's just like, they could have a sad part, or yeah, like a suspenseful part, it's all like zany piano music going on.

0:06:00 Thomas: Yeah. So that's an important thing to note right off the bat. So we get into our movie, The Firm. Tom Cruise, he's playing basketball. We got a great montage going on of all the typical law school stuff he's doing. I think this is where Andrew will take over.

0:06:18 Sam: Typical

0:06:17 Andrew: Can I can I jump in like right now for a hundred years oh my gosh, I I have, yeah.

0:06:19 Thomas: Yeah, Yeah. So, Andrew, you did all this, right? Basketball

0:06:24 Andrew: I have like, yeah.

0:06:19 Sam: Law school basketball cool, yeah

0:06:24 Thomas: Games where the judge nailed a jumper over your ass.

0:06:26 Sam: And your face.

0:06:28 Thomas: Yeah.

0:06:29 Sam: Yeah, yeah.

0:06:29 Andrew: I, I, I, I have like 38 pages of notes right here on the intro two minutes, um, and then, then I'm going to go silent for like two hours.

0:06:36 Thomas: Oh, good. Okay.

0:06:37 Andrew: The intro bits, there are a couple things you need to know here, you see like a montage of Harvard Square and the Harvard Coop, and like those are all real shots, shots, but like those are shots of the university, and like Harvard Law School is a couple miles up the road.

0:06:53 Thomas: Is it just a piece of shit shack? Like kind of it's total dog shit.

0:06:56 Sam: It's a rundown,

0:06:54 Andrew: Yeah, oh, my gosh it is, I am not making this up, every building in Harvard Law School was built, by was, was built under the direction of Walter Gropius during his like Bauhaus village phase, if we have any architecture

0:07:08 Thomas: We don't know. I don't know any of those words so just

0:07:09 Andrew: Yeah yeah

0:07:09 Sam: Yeah I thought

0:07:11 Andrew: If we have any architecture students

0:07:12 Sam: You're gonna say John Q law, I didn't, they're

0:07:13 Andrew: Yeah if If we have any architecture students or architects who listen to the show and are patrons, like, they're going to love that. That's hilarious. But, no, seriously.

0:07:21 Thomas: So we should have gone with the architecturally speaking uh, or yeah, like crossover so

0:07:21 Sam: Going nuts right now and I

0:07:22 Andrew: Yeah. Yeah. It's all this, like neo-brutalist, like these horrible concrete buildings that you would never show in a movie anywhere. They're not, like – they're not iconic.

0:07:31 Thomas: Everything in this movie is from actual Harvard, not Harvard Law, that's what you're saying, that's awesome

0:07:34 Andrew: Right. Yeah. All the, like really, you know, the archway that he walks through, that's at the university. Like all of the the like inspiring shots of harvard are shots of the university because the law school is a like terrible and depressing place um and deliberately so

0:07:37 Thomas: Oh man that's awesome, no

0:07:50 Sam: Don't even think Tom Cruise went to Harvard on top of that oh okay, sorry, I should check my facts.

0:07:52 Thomas: He did he probably did, yeah. Yeah

0:07:56 Sam: Yeah

0:07:56 Thomas: Yeah

0:07:57 Andrew: Oh oh oh and I think I know what the like him playing basketball with the judge well There was a former Supreme Court justice who was on the Supreme Court at this time named Byron Whizzer White, who was a formal judge. Former pro basketball player and like his Supreme Court clerks, even when he was like 90, when I was in law school, and it was always like talked about that, you know, if you got to be a Supreme Court clerk, you went out and you played basketball with with Wizard White, and he would like kick your ass so I think that's what the shout out is supposed to be, yeah.

0:08:10 Thomas: Okay that's funny, I wish they would have showed him just dunking on Tom Cruise's ass, like I

0:08:29 Andrew: Yeah well, Tom Cruise is like five foot two, so you know but

0:08:32 Sam: Yeah yeah

0:08:32 Thomas: Know that's my, another favorite part so the important thing to note here is so it, as, as it goes on, unless I interrupted you and had more, Andrew, there's, there, he's getting, he's fielding offers from firms because apparently Tom Cruise is the greatest lawyer and human being in history. And his, oh, the character name is Mitch McDeere. So Mitch McDeere is a superhuman. He's just everything he's doing. It's amazing. He is getting offer after offer from all. He isn't in the top 5% of his class. He in the Top 5 of his Class.

0:08:35 Andrew: Okay

0:08:49 Sam: Yeah I

0:09:03 Andrew: All of this is wrong too, um, you

0:09:05 Sam: Don't

0:09:05 Thomas: Wait, you're telling me Tom Cruise is not in the top five?

0:09:08 Andrew: This is not how people get job offers at at Harvard Law School, like, um, yeah.

0:09:11 Thomas: Yeah.

0:09:13 Sam: Believe it, yeah.

0:09:14 Thomas: There's one where he's on his lunch break. So here's Tom Cruise's shtick. I figured it out. The whole beginning of this movie, it's the way they make him into like, oh, here's this interesting guy out of nothing. The way they do it is they have him say really confusing things things in an obvious way. Like other people should have known what he's talking about. They do that like several times. So when they're like, so he's like, oh, you know, I kind of got to go at whatever. Give me your offer. And they're like, we're offering you. So I think they say like $68,000, which is a lot of money back in the nineties. And They're like from the top law firm and whatever. And you, do

0:09:15 Andrew: And in, right. Yeah

0:09:17 Sam: They said arguably

0:09:52 Thomas: Do you, yeah, do you have, yeah.

0:09:52 Sam: The top law firm, I remembered that specifically because that's how you talk about your law firm, we're arguably the top law farm in the city

0:09:58 Thomas: Yeah.

0:09:58 Andrew: Lawyers put in lots of disclaimers, but when you say, you know, we're the best law firm, like, we, we don't disclaim our our own law firms, so so

0:10:00 Sam: Yeah.

0:10:05 Thomas: But the point is like, he's like, do you have somewhere else to be? And he, he, the whole, his whole shtick is like, yeah Oh, I'm on my lunch break right now. Like he says things like that where it's obvious to him. Like, he is like yeah, I am on my lunch break. But it's, but it's everyone is going, Oh, what? This guy has somewhere else. To be like, that's how they make him into this interesting character. He does it several more times that I'm going to point out

0:10:14 Sam: Yeah

0:10:25 Andrew: So all of this offer thing, like, this, this is where I started tearing my hair out, and I, I didn't really stop, um, what we see from these different firms, the whole big shtick is who's paying more money, right? Like, it's, so it's like they're, they're auctioning, you're right, it's, you know, like the, um, well, it's a bachelor auction for Tom Cruise, and it's like 68,000 and 74,000, and then finally he gets all the way up to 96,000 from our titular firm. That's not remotely how any of this works, right? So here's what really happens when you're in Harvard Law School.

And by the way, we can make this into a good movie. I've thought about how you could actually have had this happen. So the way it really works is September of your second year in law school, right, so you've had exactly one year of law school. You know absolutely absolutely nothing, right? Because you've taken a couple of required courses, your 1L season, your 1O year, you've come back, you get onto campus, and all of a sudden, there are all these on-campus interviews with huge law firms. So like that, I mean, that part about there being interviews is at least right. But this happens at

0:10:37 Thomas: Oh

0:10:37 Sam: We

0:11:01 Thomas: That's good oh like way earlier

0:11:32 Andrew: The very beginning of your second year, and you go there and work that summer of your 2L year. And the firm you work for that summer or of your 2L year is typically the firm you will then go to for your career when you graduate, with a little caveat that I'll explain in a minute. And so you run to all these on-campus interviews, and the idea that they're at Harvard, so being like, well, I'm in honors at Harvard, they're like, right, we know we're here at Harvard

0:11:32 Thomas: On right right right yeah

0:12:03 Sam: All

0:12:03 Andrew: And there are 10 people after you who are honors at, like, you know, like that's the people we're talking to and by the way, like, next week we're going to Yale, and like, you know, the week after that, we're flying out to Stanford, so you know so so they could have made

0:12:04 Thomas: Right yeah but you don't get it this is Tom Cruise this is Mitch McDeere greatest lawyer in history he's like playing basketball he's shooting hoops he's cooking or whatever the fuck he's working at his job look

0:12:21 Andrew: Right like so so there are a couple of people, so what happens is you go to a place, you're 2L summer, you get an offer, you go back there, you, you may do something else, you're three else, like after your 3L summer, uh, might go on a clerkship which I'll explain in a minute, yeah but like the way you could have made this interesting is you would have had like the only people who are interviewing as third years are people who fucked something up really badly in their second year summer, which happens to a small group of people, so you like, you could have had this backstory about like him being at, you know, the the firm in the 2L year, and you know, uh, doing

0:12:35 Thomas: Sam and I both went through the process at Harvard Law we all know this okay yeah Yeah.

0:12:40 Sam: Went there blocked

0:13:01 Thomas: He spills coffee all over the documents and it ruins the case.

0:13:04 Andrew: Right I I, there is a, there's a number, like the number of cases where this happens, where it's like, oh, second year law student, like, slept with secretary, you know, did did something, you know, unspeakably rude at the party while drunk, like those things really really happened, yeah, exactly, um uh but you know, you could have had a reason for him to be interviewing in his third year, that, anyway that so like that that bothered me, it annoyed me, um it's

0:13:19 Sam: The judge's shot yeah

0:13:21 Thomas: Stuff the judge's nonsense bullshit jumper. Okay. Okay. I like it. So we get to the, to the to the as you said, the titular firm, Bandini, Lambert and Locke. And there's the most awkward beginning to this ever. I almost want to to play this, do you want me to, because he says, like, oh, I'm always tongue-tied, it's the weirdest dialogue hold on let's let's just do this real quick uh so yeah, this is the whole movie, so here's a poor man's fred armisen

0:13:48 Sam: Oh god gross

0:13:50 Andrew: This very weird more more piano, it's at 2 2 45

0:13:59 Clip: Mitchell McClure, right? Yes. Lamar Quinn. Come on. I'd like you to meet our seating partner,

0:14:01 Andrew: Yeah so

0:14:08 Thomas: Listen to the beginning, this is ridiculous

0:14:09 Clip: Mrs. Royce McKnight, our managing partner. How do you do, sir? Welcome. Tired of interviews? No, sir. I just don't quite know what to say. Unusual for a lawyer. Oh, I can get tongue-tied in any number of situations, sir, but it's usually with my wife. Would you mind describing one with your wife? The first time I saw her anytime we argue whenever she walks into a room as matter of fact do

0:14:26 Thomas: That's the weirdest you're hired you're so into your Yeah.

0:14:39 Sam: So it's just constantly tongue-tied because

0:14:41 Thomas: He's like, I've never talked to my wife, actually. I've literally never spoken.

0:14:42 Andrew: So I I want to I it

0:14:46 Thomas: Would you mind describing one with your wife? Like, that is the weirdest dialogue.

0:14:48 Andrew: I it was so weird oh

0:14:51 Thomas: Why did they? Anyway.

0:14:42 Sam: I'm never not tongue-taid yeah

0:14:51 Andrew: Also can can I, like, so so this this scene goes on, and uh, and and I don't know if that's supposed to tie into, they start saying, you get like 10 minutes of them beating you over the head with, you know, everybody who works for the firm is married and the firm likes marriages and are you going to have kids and all, and like, I don't think I even have to tell you, Thomas, like all of that questioning is blatantly illegal um it, it, uh yeah like one of the things, marital status is not a protected class under the Civil Rights Act of 1964, um, sex is, and so it's been part of the guidelines since way back when, because, right, asking, so are you married, right, is often a code word for trying to get out information, particularly, like, there was a lot of concern about this at the time this movie was being made, of, oh, well, you know, we don't want to hire, you know, women who are going to come on and get pregnant and then start taking medical leave and all of that.

And like the idea that you could be watching a legal movie and think, oh, you know, there's nothing weird at all about like your potential employer asking you all about your wife. Like,

0:15:08 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, well, lawyers wouldn't know that, though. That's to be fair.

0:15:15 Sam: So

0:16:01 Andrew: No.

0:16:01 Sam: I wanted to ask Andrew, the part I don't know if we've passed it yet on our whatever timeline we're on, but after the interview starts, and he, you know, puts the offer with the envelope on the table, and then they get into this whole role-playing

0:16:11 Thomas: Oh, I was gonna, so, let me, let Let me, let me intro that. So, so

0:16:12 Sam: Yeah that that happens right Don't tell me that doesn't happen every time. Please, don't tell my that doesn' t happen.

0:16:15 Andrew: Right,

0:16:17 Thomas: They give him, they, clearly they have a good offer in mind and he says, well, any lawyer worth that offer would know what's in it without having to open it. And then, and my

0:16:27 Sam: Yeah.

0:16:28 Andrew: Because lawyers are clairvoyant. I mean, that is one of our skills.

0:16:30 Sam: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

0:16:31 Thomas: Thinking was Like, oh, he would deduce something, or it would be what, but then he just starts questioning him like a lawyer. And it's like, "Oh, I didn't know you could do that." What, what about being a, uh, an amazing lawyer means you could just ask the guy like, "So what's the offer?" Like that's not, yeah, I don't need to open it because I can just say, "Is it a good offer?" And then he's like, "Yes." It's stupid, it makes no sense.

0:16:51 Andrew: It's sort of, in a perverse way, I kind of like this scene because it's meant to be like, we're going to show you his cross-examination skills, but like his cross-evaluation skills are fucking terrible, which of course they're fucking terrible because he's a law student, right? Like, everyone's cross-examination skills are terrible when you're a law student, so like it kind of came back full circle for me, right?

0:16:51 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Wait, But he's Mitch McDeere though so how does that factor

0:17:07 Sam: Yeah. I just want to believe that that happens every time there's an interview with a lawyer. That you have to break into a courtroom. Like, everyone has to take a position of either a judge or the defense.

0:17:18 Andrew: I Also

0:17:17 Thomas: In? Yeah. Every meeting where they're like, "Hey, where should we go for lunch, uh, your honor?" I

0:17:26 Sam: Yeah. Is it true that you went to Chipotle last week?

0:17:29 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. I object. And the objection is so, like, he asked him like, uh, "Do you normally follow the instruction?" He goes, "Objection, vague." And it's like, I actually don't think that's all that vague. Was it? Like, am I crazy? Yeah, yeah.

0:17:37 Sam: Yeah. Vague. Yeah. Vague is sort of a vague objection. Sorry.

0:17:49 Andrew: In a deposition, you, you would object to the form of the question for vagueness because you're trying to create a record, but like they were, were sort of playing it, and but in a deposition there's no judge, right? Like there's just a court reporter, it's just stenographer, that sort of thing, so they're playing it like a courtroom because there's a judge who rules on the objection, and it's, it's dumb.

0:18:02 Thomas: Yeah. All right, we're officially three minutes and 25 seconds into this two and a half, literally two hours and 31 minutes and six seconds. Let's

0:18:12 Sam: Yeah, yeah, yeah,

0:18:15 Andrew: Yeah, this is going to be a seven hour Patron only episode.

0:18:18 Sam: Long

0:18:17 Thomas: Yeah, let's pick it up. So then so it's an amazing offer. And then he so the next shot is his wife's in the apartment at home. No, no, he's in The Apartment. She enters and then he sexually assaults her immediately. And it's very violent and gruesome and trouble. No, there's that's a little romantic scene. And dann this is important. It's dinner. He has dinner ready from Wong boys. I don't know.

0:18:41 Sam: Geez.

0:18:41 Thomas: It really like emphasizes, like, so you'd like set talks about like what it is. Oh, so this, this, from Wong voice.

0:18:41 Sam: Yeah. Long boys paid some sort of money to get in that movie, is there was Long Boys huge at Harvard, or what's the deal?

0:18:50 Andrew: I I, I want to add, again, this movie is two hours and 34 minutes long, so you know, every time you see something and you're like, well, they could have cut five minutes of that like, yeah, this is, they, they go through the order, like, he's like, and, and I got sejuan duck and I gotta

0:19:07 Sam: Yeah, yeah,

0:19:00 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, here, let's go through the receipt to make sure it all corresponds appropriately. And then, uh, he, you know, so So she's, he says, oh, the offer's on the table. And she goes, but it's not open. It's another instance of, oh well, I guessed what it was. And then he's saying it in a very obvious way. And she's supposed to, she's amazed. Why is he saying this weird thing in this obvious way? Wow, he's so Tom Cruise. He's so amazing and like interesting for that reason. And so then, you know, the piano score is playing the Charlie Brown song.

0:19:08 Sam: So I assumed, after this part, right where we're at now, that I was just going to get to watch him practice a lot for like 30 years, just see some interesting cases, you know, just ups and downs, daily grind, maybe finally beat the judge at basketball. I don't know about you guys, but I thought everything was going to be great. Like, it was just, how could anything go wrong, such a great situation.

0:19:47 Thomas: Yeah, Well, of course, yeah, well, they're really family-oriented law

0:19:52 Sam: Yeah, that

0:19:52 Thomas: Firms, so that's, yeah, wholesome, good law, right?

0:19:56 Andrew: So what I love about the next scene, uh, this actually is a good scene in the movie, because I have been to like a hundred of these horrible, like, fucking terrible parties where they're trying to sell you on the firm, um, and it's exactly like that, and like there is one partner, like, wandering around saying creepy things to like your wife, it did, that's totally I am telling you that that happened, um, and I could, I could name the people who said creepy things to my wife, it's fun, yeah.

0:20:07 Thomas: Right. Yeah, accurate. So, Yeah, let's name them right now, uh, yeah, At the firm, yeah, they're taking around the number one draft pick, he's their number one draft pick, I don't know if you know this, but he graduated Harvard with honors, they say that it several times.

0:20:26 Sam: Sounds fun. Fifth in his class. Yeah.

0:20:35 Thomas: Yeah,

0:20:34 Andrew: My favorite My favorite line from the number one draft pick is like, he, he, he says to, uh, Mitch McDeere says to his wife, uh, "They're offering me ninety six thousand dollars a year in Memphis," which is like a hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year, and no, no, no, like ninety six thousand dollars here in Memifice is like a billion dollars a year in New York, like, I, it's, it's not even close, like Like, yeah, anyway,

0:20:53 Sam: I was gonna say, yeah, yeah,

0:20:52 Thomas: Yeah, Right. Right, so there's, uh, that that actually skips over the best part of the entire movie, not even joking, the best part, like we shouldn't even cover the rest of the movie because they're talking, he and this other couple, you know, the wives are talking, and then he's talking to weird looking Fred Armisen, and, and there's a kid, there's, yeah, they're walking down the streets, there're a little, there's uh, a black kid doing uh, like flips for money and a hat, and uh, he comes, the black kid comes over, and then Tom Cruise just does a perfectly synchronized set of flips with him, like it just, like, yeah.

0:21:08 Sam: I know what, you're, they're walking down the streets of Memphis. Yeah.

0:21:13 Andrew: I

0:21:30 Sam: He doesn't even break stride. He just like goes, he strides into backflips all the way down the street.

0:21:33 Thomas: Exactly perfect. Yeah. And there's no explanation for this, there's never, they didn't even, it never pays off, there was no reason for it, she just says the wife just says, there he goes they they could have said anything like oh yeah there is 10 years of gymnastics or something just any line there would well

0:21:52 Andrew: Did,

0:21:52 Sam: I think I figured out the reason for that, by the way, but it's down the road.

0:21:55 Thomas: I kind of know too yeah down there but but still like they clearly there was a reason but they didn't they cut that line or something like they could've just said anything they coulda said oh, he's just a fucking overachieving asshole that always has to show everybody up so that's why he does that but. But instead, she just says, there he goes. And then no one asked him like, hey, why did you what are you doing? Like the friend is not like what? Why?

0:21:57 Sam: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you were an amazing gymnast, apparently. Where's that?

0:22:20 Thomas: We were. Yeah. Yeah. They were in the middle of a conversation. And it's like, why are you flipping? And we were talking a second ago.

0:22:24 Sam: Yeah. They're They're like, look, you got the job already. There's no reason to, you got it. We're going to hire you.

0:22:32 Thomas: Yeah, there wasn't like a flip test, like at the end of this that you need to be prepping for, like you got it. So and then I want to ask Andrew, of course, you do that, too.

0:22:37 Sam: Yeah.

0:22:40 Andrew: I did very, very poorly on the gymnastic portion of my interviews.

0:22:42 Sam: Yeah.

0:22:41 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah every new lawyer goes through a backflipping constantly test so

0:22:46 Andrew: Yeah. It's, it's tough, but you

0:22:49 Sam: How,

0:22:50 Thomas: They're at this party and, they're getting a real, the wife is getting a really creepy culty vibe from this. Like the Tom Cruise loves it. He's, he's in love with the firm. He loves it, but the wife has like, Oh, this is really culty. Cause they're like, the firm encourages children to her and like the firm doesn't forbid work. So whatever. So she's getting indications of that, but Tom Cruise is into it. That's when he talks Talks about the 96,000 a year being for, you know, 150,000, which, yeah, good.

0:23:12 Sam: By the way, sorry to interrupt, but right there he also says, "Six figure salary, do you ever think I'd make that?" He's like, "You're top five in Harvard at law." Like, you didn't think you're gonna make six figures sometime? What does that even mean?

0:23:20 Thomas: Yeah.

0:23:24 Andrew: And even in 1993, these numbers are really low.

0:23:25 Sam: Yeah,

0:23:28 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. They really could have easily like jumped, you Know, pumped him up a little, inflated him a little. Seemed better. But so now there's an evil. So the party's over. There's an Evil Room of evil people making sure that he joins the firm. They're talking about like, oh, she made two calls from the whatever. So they're clearly they're stalking her and they know what calls the wife is making. And then Apparently Ted Kaczynski and somebody named Hodges, uh, are doing something bad. Like, they don't tell us, but they're just, they're like, there's some bad news, so they have to do something about it. And then that's all we hear. Yeah, like we don't yeah That's how we hear about it. Wilford Brimley says diabetes a few times and then, yeah, uh,

0:23:47 Sam: The wife yeah some lawyers in the firm. Yeah, are in trouble or something it's

0:24:06 Andrew: I love the fact that Wilford Brimley is the head of firm security. A, I love that there is a firm security, because that's not a thing. Right.

0:24:09 Thomas: Yeah, well, It has to be for this one Yeah,

0:24:10 Sam: A bad guy, yeah, Yeah. Because that happens a lot. There's a lot of security concerns in a firm.

0:24:17 Andrew: I don't know why. Like, well,

0:24:21 Thomas: Well, It does for the evil ones. Andrew, you never worked for one of the evil, the big five evil firms, do

0:24:25 Sam: Yeah.

0:24:26 Andrew: I Will say, without passing judgment, like, the two largest clients at Covington and Burling that I worked for were, first, the Exxon Mobil merger, and second, uh, I did work for both, uh, an alcohol, uh, lobbying group called the Century Council, and then I had a partner who did work forward the uh, the tobacco lobby, so they're pretty high on the evil list, right, like,

0:24:26 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.

0:24:52 Sam: That's pretty evil.

0:24:52 Andrew: Yeah.

0:24:53 Thomas: So Wilford Brimley didn't do your securities. Oh,

0:24:54 Andrew: I would have thought so, Wilfred there was no, there's no such thing as firm security, that's like going around saying the mattress inspector can

0:25:00 Thomas: Okay. So now they're driving to their new cult home that the culty, uh, cult firm has given them, um, they haven't, they don't know, they haven't been to the house, the firm just buys them a house and sends them pictures, apparently seems weird, but.

0:25:12 Andrew: They're establishing their poor cred by, she's driving what looks like an '89 Toyota Supra there, and that is way better than the car that I drove in law school, um, I, I drove a '79 Chevy Citation with 300,000 miles on it, so I was like, it took me a minute to be like, oh, they're established that he's poor, but

0:25:28 Sam: Wow.

0:25:32 Thomas: Well, it's really dirty. That's the thing about poor people is they don't they can't clean their car. So they've also left. They furnished the house with a dog. And Tom Cruise is really Tom cruising with the dog. He's just he is he's running around like he's Tom cruising so fucking hard. God, I was just like, wow, that's Tom Cruise. And and then in the driveway, it's a new car. Wait, no, it'S a shitty convertible from the early 90s. Someone left in their driveway and they're all impressed with it. It's like, is somebody going to remove?

0:25:33 Andrew: Yeah.

0:25:58 Sam: It's the best acting in the whole movie is when they pretend that that's a nice car. It's like, wow, should have won an Oscar.

0:25:59 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. This terrible early nineties convertible that they're like, Jesus.

0:26:05 Sam: I think they split the Oscar between the two of them just for that scene.

0:25:59 Andrew: I thought

0:26:08 Thomas: And they're like, can you call a tow truck? Like to get rid of this garbage out of our fucking driveway that they left here must've been the previous owners of the house.

0:26:15 Sam: It's A line you hear in Hollywood a lot now when they're trying to get a scene out of an actor, and like, be Tom Cruise with the Mercedes in The Firm. Channel Cruise in the Mercedez.

0:26:24 Thomas: Oh man. So then we're off to, a Tom Cruise is waking up really early to get to his first day of lawyering at the lawyer firm, and okay.

0:26:25 Sam: Yeah.

0:26:34 Andrew: That was another kind of realistic scene, right? Like, he, he gets there super early at like 6:30 in the morning and no one's there And The security guard

0:26:36 Thomas: Sure. But Well But I was gonna say They're doing this horrible hazing ritual where they're making him drive this fucking car to the new job. Like, new guy's gotta drive the fucking 90s convertible, uh, early

0:26:51 Andrew: But But no, what I liked about the scene was, if you went to any major law firm at 6 30 in the morning, like, you would, there would be a handful of people there who were there having worked through the night, but there was there's nobody getting in at 6:30 in the morning, like, lawyers are at 9 30 in morning kind of, kind of, so

0:26:51 Thomas: Yeah, right.

0:26:52 Sam: Yeah.

0:27:07 Sam: You're either there or Yeah.

0:27:07 Thomas: So They're there, and this law firm is incredible, it's like a Beauty and the Beast library going on, there's a fella could do a lot of lawyering in this place. Like, it made me want to go work there. That

0:27:14 Andrew: Did So

0:27:15 Sam: They had so many books on the shelf, they had more books that could ever possibly be written about law on the shelves. It was amazing. It was like every case that's ever been tried in the history of the U.S. law. Yeah.

0:27:25 Thomas: Yeah. The piano player's in love, by the way. He's just the, probably was. And then we find out, so he's being greeted by all the other lawyers in the firm. We find out several times, guess what? No associate of the firm has ever failed the bar exam. And the reason is because they have so many any of these giant binders full of bullshit that they pile on his desk. Like they make sure to slam them really hard on his desks. Like, hey, here's the section on this. Hey, uh, lawyer, lawyer here. I'm going to help you with this section. They, every binder they pound on his deck, like just to emphasize how lawyer-y.

0:27:32 Sam: Yeah.

0:27:59 Sam: There's no shortage of montages in this movie, they love the montage and it's a time saving, imagine that, it's saving time for the plot to have montages.

0:28:01 Andrew: So Yeah, yeah. So

0:28:00 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, so how real is this, this part of it, Andrew? Drew, yeah.

0:28:09 Andrew: Um here's what's not realistic about everything that occurs in, in the scene. So especially if you're as cocky as Tom Cruise is, coming in and they say, you know, no associate has ever failed the bar exam here, you would expect, expect Tom Cruise to look up and be like, well, of course they fucking haven't, because two-thirds of the bar exam is a multiple choice exam.

And like, in fairness, it's a tough multiple choice exam, but like, you don't get into Harvard Law School if you're not good at multiple choice exams, I should add, lawyer coming out of an Ivy League law school is going gonna take, those three months they're probably gonna have a clerkship for a year that, like, this movie doesn't get into for obvious reasons, but then they're gonna take, like, the three months between graduation and when you take the bar, which is set up in early September, to allow students to do this, to do nothing but study and not work and take the far, and like yes, that's a great privilege if you've, you know, been to an Ivy League law school, but like, our main character has done that. So, like, he should have that

0:28:47 Thomas: The Uh-huh. Right.

0:29:09 Andrew: Privilege.

0:29:09 Thomas: But How much, in your career, how much binder slamming, a big giant binders full of nothing

0:29:10 Andrew: Yeah, I look, you do have to study it, like, the bar exam, is it's the hardest multiple choice test I've ever taken. But like, it's still a multiple choice task, you know, and at the end of the day, you'll be like, yeah, I get it, I got to study a lot and memorize a lot of stuff and cram for a multiple choose exam. There is a second day of essays, is. There's a moment where, I think I wrote down the line, where one of the partners comes in and says, the first day is a four-hour multiple choice on ethics. No, no, it isn't. The first day is a six-hour multi-choice on everything, essays, and you know, it's a tough test, but like, this whole thing, like, passing the bar is not, like, there are a hundred thousand new lawyers every year, so, like, like, if it were that tough, you know, I mean, think of like every crappy DUI lawyer you've ever seen. Like that dude passed the bar exam.

0:29:57 Thomas: Right. Yeah.

0:30:02 Andrew: So, I means, how hard can it be?

0:30:02 Sam: Can't even count how many DUI lawyers I've gone through

0:30:04 Thomas: Yeah. So Now we meet, Gene Hackman has, designated, everyone gets a designated Gene Hackmon at this new offer, and they're like, hi, I'm your I'm yours, yeah, his name's Avery, what is it, Avery Tolman, Tolar, Yeah.

0:30:17 Andrew: Tolar, I think.

0:30:18 Thomas: Yeah. Avery Tolar, and then Sam

0:30:11 Sam: Every Tolman when He first introduced himself, he's like, I'm Every Tolan, I thought he was like, I am Every Tol, I thought he was like singing something. I didn't know what was happening, he can't say his own name, he's Every, his name is Every, I think, I don't know why that was funny to me

0:30:30 Thomas: Yeah. Every he kept saying, Every Toll lawyer Yeah. And, uh, so this guy makes weird offshore entities to hide taxes, and on day one of his career, Tom Cruise needs to help him with that, apparently. He's just like, yeah.

0:30:43 Sam: Well and Tom Cruise knows what he does instantly, is that normal, when you go to work for a firm, do you know what every lawyer in the firm does? Maybe yeah.

0:30:46 Thomas: He's researched it, if you're Tom Cruise, if you're Mitch McDeere, best lawyer ever. Yeah.

0:30:53 Andrew: Well, like when you're interviewing now, you kind of do because it's really, really easy to pull up somebody's web page. And like you read it and you read the paragraph and you would come in and be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, like obviously I did my homework before coming in and I know you do, you know, offshore transactions or whatever. How you would possibly find this out in 1993.

0:31:00 Thomas: Like the partner. Yeah,

0:31:14 Andrew: I like, I don't know that like it's, it's one of these, like Tom Cruise's clairvoyant again moments. So, you

0:31:14 Thomas: Yeah,

0:31:15 Sam: Well, we might be moving ahead a little bit, but he does use their computer system where you can just type a word, and then it searches every newspaper that's ever been published and gives you all the articles, so they must have better, better computers back then, wow.

0:31:31 Thomas: Yeah. What?

0:31:30 Andrew: Know, that's, that'S, not entirely inaccurate. Like the, I know the, the interface

0:31:36 Sam: I want

0:31:36 Thomas: Every law firm had that. And this is

0:31:37 Sam: To work there, well,

0:31:39 Andrew: Face is weird, but like one of the things that, um, in the, in the mid 90s, like we used to, we used to do this at law school, like you, you would, you would go to Lexus or Westlaw, and they're using Westlaw, it says it at the top corner, and like that's how you would search newspapers because we didn't really have like much internet back then.

0:31:43 Thomas: Going to be a nine hour show. But yeah, go ahead.

0:31:56 Thomas: Right.

0:31:56 Andrew: Um, so it was slightly accurate.

0:31:50 Sam: Yeah, wow,

0:31:57 Thomas: OK, so lunch with. Yeah. So Gene Hackman, it takes him to lunch. And then my notes is like, like, is Gene Hackman hitting on me right now? Like that's, I didn't know what, cause he says the, he's like, uh, why did they, they do this thing where like, why'd you want to be a lawyer? And then Tom Cruise has some bullshit story. And then he's like, why do you want me to be a lawyer and he's well, I, uh I was, I was caddying for these golfers and, and their wives and they had these nice long tan legs and I knew I had to be lawyer and then he says the women had tan legs too, which I guess is just a joke. Like, but I, I actually thought like when I first watched this, I was like, oh, he's gay. Like he's joking that he was interested in the lawyer's long tan legs. And then, and then like the way he's looking at Tom Cruise too. I was like, oh, okay. I see what's happening here.

0:32:00 Sam: Yeah,

0:32:43 Andrew: Gene Hackman looks, looks at the camera, it looks at everybody in the entire movie, like like he's hitting on them throughout the entire movie, which is which is awesome, yeah, um,

0:32:47 Thomas: Yeah, that's true. Maybe he's just hitting on everybody. Yeah. So, uh, then, okay, so they do that thing. And then if, um, by the rules, yeah.

0:32:56 Sam: They also want to establish that he's a, he doesn't really play, you know, straight, play it straight. He's, you can't drink at lunch, and then he instantly orders a drink, and then another drink. He's just like you, you know, yeah,

0:33:05 Thomas: Right. So he's, he'S, Yeah, he's, he, he is stretching as far as he can. He's pushing his luck or whatever. And then two people we don't know about were killed or something. So it's one of those diving explosions you hear about all the time. That was how they died. Ted Kaczynski and the other guy. Because apparently the evil group of the Wilford Brimley and whoever else needed to kill them because of whatever. So weird, Fred Armisen is really sad at this news. He is just sitting, and his sprinklers are going off all over him, and he looks, actually looks like cancer patient Johnny Depp in that scene, I noticed, um, and uh, then, then they're at the funeral for Ted Kids and Seeing the other guy, and um, this is throughout the whole movie, there's been like, oh, uh, I do all the, uh, such and such for the firm, or like, Oh, the phone guy, oh, I do the phones for the firm. At the funeral, I was thinking the priest would be like, I do all the firm's funerals. Other firms, official priest, funeral after funeral.

0:33:57 Sam: They keep me busy, whoo, it's a

0:34:04 Thomas: Yeah. And then, yep, yep.

0:34:04 Sam: Great, yeah that business is booming,

0:34:07 Andrew: And and You get, you get Gene Hackman hitting on uh Tom Cruise's wife at the funeral, which was awesome.

0:34:09 Thomas: Yep. Okay. That was, I have that same note. And he says Like, people grieve in different ways. And he's like, yeah, my way of grieving is hitting on a woman married to people who work for me at funerals. Like, that's just how I deal with death. Okay? It's everybody's got their different ways.

0:34:12 Andrew: Um, Yeah.

0:34:26 Sam: I like that they at least, you know address that, that it was weird, like they even asked him, she called him on it right away and he was like, oh whatever, I don't care, that was funny, yeah

0:34:26 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. But That's cool. Yeah. That's his character, and and he's fucking Gene Hackman, that's the thing, like there's not any there's no, any like terrible performances to make fun of in this, they're all pretty good, like Gene Hackman is fucking awesome, Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise, like there, there's a couple things that I think we'll get to, but I used, I actually think he's not that bad of an actor, personally, um, and believe we picked a two and a half hour movie, we had to, Andrew watched this three times, I watched it twice, Sam watched it twice, so we've wasted just fucking hours, yeah.

0:34:39 Sam: Yeah. No. Yeah.

0:34:40 Andrew: Oh, I agree.

0:34:57 Sam: Yeah! I watched it twice. Human Suffering. What's the toll of Human Suffring at this point? 13, 14 hours.

0:35:07 Thomas: I just and just Yeah, just imagine five hours of this, just the entire movie, just nonstop. And like, it

0:35:11 Sam: Oh yeah, the whole movie. You think we're joking saying it's the entire movie. It's really the entire entire movie.

0:35:17 Thomas: Really is. And, uh, and I, we first, the first time we watched it, Sam and I watched it together at my house and like the sound balancing was so bad that the Piano, I'd have to turn it up cause I'm deaf and I can't hear the dialogue. And then the piano kicks in like, like just the loudest fucking thing you've ever heard. Yeah.

0:35:24 Sam: Oh my god.

0:35:34 Sam: It's funny because I didn't tell my wife that, but she did the same thing every time. She would grab the remote and turn it down, and I was like, you have to, we have to deal with the loud piano because I can't hear the dialogue. It is, we just have to deal with it. Don't try and fight it. We can't. The piano wins.

0:35:38 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so, Yeah. And my uh, My next note is actually, oh, the piano player is back at it because I think after the funeral is a little sad, you know, and he's like, okay, happy time again.

0:35:58 Sam: Okay. You have to play the most awkward scene in the movie after that when they're driving home, though. Did you get that queued up?

0:35:59 Thomas: Uh, Oh, Yeah, you're right, I think that was just before the funeral, um, but Yeah, I'll Okay, uh, let let me find it.

0:36:09 Sam: No, No, it was after. I thought it was after.

0:36:12 Thomas: So, okay.

0:36:14 Sam: Yeah, you might be right. Well, okay. Well, either way, it's after they've established that they died and everyone's upset.

0:36:15 Thomas: No, it's just before. It's just before here. I'm it's yeah. It's right after. So this is right after they leave cancer Johnny Depp and is getting hit by the sprinkler. But the next scene is them driving to the funeral. So here there's might

0:36:29 Sam: Okay, yeah. To the funeral.

0:36:32 Clip: There are no horses. Two of them, quarter horses, horse.

0:36:46 Clip: And gently wipe away every Tear.

0:36:51 Sam: It's hilarious.

0:36:51 Clip: You can

0:36:52 Thomas: So then It's right Into the funeral, yeah.

0:36:52 Andrew: And See, there's no way they could not have cut those two minutes I want to look through the credits to see who has the, you know, who was the film editor

0:36:53 Sam: People just got murdered. Yeah.

0:36:57 Thomas: Yeah. Nobody was. Yeah. I

0:37:05 Sam: What is the point of that scene? What are they trying to establish? That he has an evil sense of humor? Like, is it supposed to make you believe, oh, yeah, he could fall for working for this firm because he's insane.

0:37:14 Thomas: Don't know.

0:37:15 Sam: He's like, people just got murdered and he's joking about quarter horses being a half horse

0:37:15 Thomas: It's just I think it's just such a good joke. That they're like, we need to work this in.

0:37:19 Sam: Yeah. Yeah. Like, look, this doesn't make any sense. Like, no, it doesn't matter, it's like the piano, it's essential to our film

0:37:26 Thomas: Yeah. People are gonna be talking about this joke

0:37:29 Sam: When people watch us, do, they're talking about, a, the piano, b, the quarter horse joke, those are the two highlights of the film.

0:37:29 Thomas: Yeah, god. It's so bad like I get the, and the concept isn't about, like, oh, he's making a joke because to cut the tension or something. But they just needed to think of an actual joke, not like insert joke later when we think of an actual one. It's terrible. So yeah, now he's working overtime. We get the typical, she waited up for him, but gave up. And then, you know, so she's upset that he's worked so long. Let's see. Oh, next day, Gene Hackman has even more work for him. And oh, they're going to go to the Caymans to meet a client.

0:37:35 Sam: Yeah. Jeez.

0:38:04 Thomas: Now, a lot of the plot, you knows, falls around the Cayman Islands. What's

0:38:08 Andrew: There's a line in which Gene Hackman says something like, uh, you know, this client, like, they're, they're unhappy, he's only paying five percent in his taxes but you know, I, but I don't care, you know, so long as he keeps, you know, paying our sweet sweet bills, like, and we billed him four hundred thousand dollars in fees last year, and like, I honestly laughed when he said that because I, I don't know if they were thinking like, like, oh, come on, just pick a big number or whatever. But when I was on the aforementioned ExxonMobil merger, we billed Exxон $10 million a month in legal fees, right?

0:38:16 Thomas: Right. And he's still unhappy.

0:38:42 Andrew: So when you say, he paid us $400,000 in fees, really?

0:38:41 Sam: Lawyers,

0:38:41 Thomas: I think he even said a hundred thousand. I wrote, I thought I had a hundred thousand, which would be even funnier.

0:38:49 Andrew: I have 400,000.

0:38:50 Thomas: Oh, okay. Either way.

0:38:51 Andrew: But 400,00 is...

0:38:52 Sam: They're always multiplying the fees by four. I know your game, Andrew.

0:38:54 Thomas: Yeah.

0:38:57 Andrew: Even, even by this firm's logic, right? Like, so I, I went, I looked, I tried to figure out what they were billing, you know, Mitch McDeere at, but we know they're paying him a hundred thousand dollars a year, right. So $400,000 is when you factor in overhead, maybe two associates at the firm, right, like per year, that's not a big client, right, like that's not a, we go to the the Cayman Islands every week to make this client happy.

0:38:57 Thomas: Yeah, right. Yeah right.

0:39:05 Sam: Yeah.

0:39:24 Andrew: That's like the guy whose phone calls you maybe answer after a couple of days, but yeah.

0:39:31 Sam: Well, I think they were, just it was convenient because they're murdering in the Cayman Islands a lot and they're like, can we pick up any clients as long as we're going to be murdering down here constantly.

0:39:34 Andrew: That's it, yeah.

0:39:35 Thomas: When they were scheduling, they're like, okay, I've got a murder

0:39:38 Sam: Well, there's one client, but he only pays us 400 grand a year, well, we're already there murdering constantly. I mean, just any, if we can make ten dollars, it's it's probably worth it.

0:39:38 Thomas: For this weekend. Do you want to? Yeah. Schedule on the same. Yeah. Yeah. If

0:39:48 Sam: I mean, yeah.

0:39:48 Thomas: You could do two, two, two birds with one stone. Yeah, yeah.

0:39:51 Sam: I mean, we get there, we dive, we murder, we go back 10 minutes with a client, it's not, we can, we put that in, we're there anyway.

0:39:57 Thomas: So once again, Uh, every toll lawyer, um, every, every toll are has, uh, Mitch McDeere working on, on the stuff for this client. So as a result, uh, Tom Cruise has to go work at a diner. So he's working at a diner, uh, as in like he's eating at the diner and doing his lawyer things. And this is where we meet, uh, Ed Harris, who's completely, he has no hair in this uh in this movie at all. He's, yeah.

0:40:19 Sam: It's a hairless Harris.

0:40:20 Thomas: Hairless.

0:40:20 Sam: Ed.

0:40:20 Thomas: Ed Harris. Ed Hairloss, yeah.

0:40:22 Sam: Hairloss.

0:40:23 Thomas: And some other guy um, investigating uh, lawyer deaths while eating just a shitload of crackers. I don't know what the deal was.

0:40:23 Sam: How did that not come up sooner, yeah.

0:40:32 Thomas: That's Their, that was their gimmick in this scene, like, oh, hi, we're investigators, we eat a lot of crackers, like, that's mainly most of our job. So they're investigating these obviously suspicious deaths and they're like, yeah, did you know everybody, everybody. So they kind of start talking to Tom Cruise, they're like, oh, you work for uh, Bendini Land and Luck, you know, everybody's ever worked for them has died like this year. And then he's like, oh, really. And uh, these guys are going to crack, or eat their way to the truth on that, so sure.

0:40:32 Sam: He just can't stop eating crackers.

0:40:56 Sam: Yeah. What's weird, can I say I just, that scene to me, so he's in there, they show up and they order some steak sandwiches or something, or Ed Harris does, at least like, they're gonna sit there and eat dinner and then they start, you know, telling them all these facts, obviously, like that, that was their plan, like, what was their plant, they want to show up there to let them know that they're investigating or whatever, as soon as he starts talking to them, they're like, oh, we gotta get, we gotta get those steak sandwiches to go, and they like leave instantly. What is the I don't get that.

0:40:58 Andrew: I,

0:41:00 Thomas: Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. Yeah it's really weird so So, Andrew, when

0:41:25 Sam: Andrew,

0:41:25 Thomas: You you, your firm was being investigated.

0:41:26 Sam: You're an FBI agent, what's the deal with that?

0:41:27 Thomas: Yeah.

0:41:27 Andrew: Yeah. Well, First I thought you were gonna comment on, the to me, the weirdest non-cracker related part in the scene, which was they order the steak sandwiches and they very specifically say, "I'll have two steak sandwiches on a roll," and then and then the waiter calls back and is like, "two steak sandwiches on rolls," and I'm sitting there thinking, like, what, what, what else do you put the steak sandwich on, like, but it was really, really odd. Anyway, so that's my steak sandwich related expertise.

0:41:40 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

0:41:33 Sam: Yeah, yeah, but I still get what the plan was, like, they thought it was going to take them longer to get him engaged or something and they're there, like, we got to leave right now, like, yeah, yeah,

0:42:00 Thomas: Well, he might. Yeah. Well, my favorite thing is how off-putting Ed Harris is being on purpose. Like he's being all intimidating and cracker eating on like just, he could have just developed more of a rapport with him, but yeah. Anyway.

0:42:12 Sam: I didn't get the point of what they were trying to do there, yeah.

0:42:16 Thomas: Yeah.

0:42:14 Andrew: There's there's yeah, And and you could cut this, this is yet another where I have the note of, you could cut these 12 minutes from the movie and it makes not one bit of difference to the plot at all, like it, it, you don't recognize Ed Harris when he shows up again later, but like you don't need to, because he doesn't say anything later, so yeah, it's, he's just there to like be creepy and cracker eating. I

0:42:27 Sam: Came

0:42:35 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Well, he, okay. So what happens is this finally gets Tom Cruise's attention. So he starts looking into this obviously culty legal murder firm that he signed on to. He shared it. The name is murdery, criminally and evil LLC, like murder, death, kill, and yeah. Kidnapping

0:42:52 Sam: In murder trap and associates.

0:42:55 Andrew: I, I can and will register that for you, if, if you need, oh.

0:42:57 Sam: Oh,

0:42:56 Thomas: Partners. Yeah. So, he starts looking, looking into it and then he's home late again. Again, you know, a typical, that one thing that that is actually true, right? And do they just work you to death or, well, I guess in this three months he would just be studying for the bar technically, right.

0:43:07 Andrew: Yeah, yeah, that's I don't know what the hell he's supposed to be, Chris, he's got those same binders with him and I can't tell if, if it's work binders or if they're bar study binders or whatever.

0:43:16 Thomas: Yeah. Well, he's like, Hey, could I look at your murder files? And they're like, Oh yeah, we've got tons of binders on all the murders.

0:43:23 Sam: No, no, we don't have any of those.

0:43:25 Andrew: God,

0:43:25 Thomas: So, and then we find out, you know, what's in spot, what's, what's making him do all this is, you know, she was rich and he was poor. And now we find out he has a brother that he, he didn't tell the firm about, go ahead.

0:43:35 Sam: So sorry, we might have skipped over a part that I wanted to laugh about, I don't, I can't remember exactly where it is, but did we pass the part where he comes home and there's the note on the dog's thing or whatever.

0:43:44 Andrew: I

0:43:36 Thomas: Hmm. That was a while ago, Yeah, that was the first time. Sure, go ahead, back to that, it says like it says share bowl of kibble with bearer of note, or something like that.

0:43:44 Sam: Yeah, so I can't remember exactly what it says, but does it say like well, he reads it out loud, yeah, And then I just thought they missed a great opportunity for an amazing pun, because she says "your first wife," like, as a joke, like, but she should have wrote F-U-R-R S-T, it would have been hilarious. It would have been the best joke of the whole movie, I was like, I just, I can't get over that missed opportunity.

0:44:05 Thomas: Yeah,

0:44:11 Andrew: Would have edged out the quarter horse.

0:44:12 Sam: Yeah, I just wanted it to say that, it would've been like, man, "Man, she's..."

0:44:17 Thomas: They're like, no, we couldn't have two of the best joke ever, we can only have one, one amazing animal related joke in this movie. Yeah.

0:44:23 Sam: Anyway, dog jokes.

0:44:24 Thomas: Dog joke. Yeah, good dog pun.

0:44:23 Andrew: Which

0:44:24 Sam: I mean, you gotta... Whenever you get just a dog joke like that handed to you, you gotta take it. Anyway.

0:44:30 Thomas: So in this, this other scene, so that was the first time he came home late. And this time we find out he has a brother who's in jail, and he was pretending he didn't have them to the firm, because the firm, when they first interviewed him, they're like, "Do you have any family?" He's like, "Nope, absolutely no jail residing in brothers at all." And so, let's see.

0:44:48 Andrew: You would think a firm that has its own head of security. Right, you know, sorry, anyway.

0:44:49 Thomas: Yeah I have have this at a later note. Totally. No,

0:44:51 Sam: Yeah. How could they not find that out?

0:44:55 Thomas: That's okay. But you're totally right. A murder firm that has their own diabetes, a head of security should be able to just like check if he has a brother or not. It was the weirdest thing.

0:45:05 Andrew: And don't forget, we got the painfully delivered line of dialogue of Mr. McDeere, "this is the only letter the firm has sent out, we want you, we only want you" and it's like, yeah, right, and and murdered, murder, uh, murder firm's chief of security, Wilfred Brimley, has, it's the 1990s so it doesn't look as cool, but like basically the equivalent of like the Bat Cave in terms of surveillance, we find out later on in the movie, right? Like he's got everybody and everything under surveillance and you'd think like they would have uncovered the fact that Tom Cruise has a brother, I'm and

0:45:13 Thomas: Yeah. That's the only one they sent out. Yeah, oh yeah.

0:45:39 Thomas: Right. So yeah, exactly. I totally, it's so stupid that they did that. So now we're in the Kamens and this guy, Sonny, who's obviously in a mafia person, like the most mafia obvious guy there is, uh, he's, he wants to leave the firm. Cause again, we've established he's really cheap. Like he's tired of paying these lawyers and they keep referencing like these people in Chicago and you know, Tom Cruise doesn't know who they are, but they're the mafia obviously. And,

0:46:05 Andrew: Sunny is upset because they've got a plan that's going to defer his taxes, right, and Gene Hackman says, we're going to defer it and it'll be great because when the new administration comes in, they'll be worth half of what they are worth today or whatever. And Sonny says, really, you're going to tell me you can predict who's going to be the president, which is a fair response because that's a stupid fucking reason to try and defer taxes. And then Mitch McDeere has to jump in and explain you're getting an interest free loan, which Is

0:46:30 Thomas: On his second day of the on the job, or whatever, like his third or fourth day

0:46:33 Andrew: Right. Yeah, right. Which is a something Avery would have said right from the outset, right? Because that's the primary reason you want to tell people to defer for anything, right, is you're getting that money interest-free and, B, right, yeah, it's every second day on the job, he's literally a week out of law school and I can promise you he does not know his head from his ass when it comes to the law right now, like you just don't know anything at this point

0:46:41 Thomas: Yeah right Mitch McDeere but we get the typical movie scene where the new guy who's, you know, know, he's Mitch Mcdeere, he does some few backflips and he's like, watch this, and he, he keeps the business because Sunny mafia dude is gonna leave, but uh, but but he was gonna walk, yeah, but but

0:46:59 Andrew: Yeah

0:47:11 Sam: He was gonna walk. They were about to lose him. But you know what saved him is Tom Cruise... He said a bunch of stuff that didn't really matter, but the line that really sealed the deal was... He said if he didn't take this deal, he was gonna be fucked by a dick big enough for an elephant to feel it, and that was just then Sonny was like, now you're speaking my language

0:47:23 Thomas: Yeah yeah and he was speaking his mafia language yeah he's like, okay, I understand that

0:47:30 Sam: Yeah yeah because, you know, elephants can't feel like regular penises only gigantic ones

0:47:34 Thomas: Yeah Yeah.

0:47:37 Andrew: And it was weird because he didn't say, you're going to feel like you are fucked with an elephant's dick, right? When it was it was like a long convoluted yeah

0:47:39 Sam: Yeah yeah like everyone else says yeah like all other lawyers say

0:47:41 Thomas: That would have been better. Yeah. Yeah, that's the that's the official Harvard law way to put it. Phrase it.

0:47:52 Andrew: I

0:47:52 Sam: Yeah Sonny is like, here it comes the elephant dick, I know, here it come, and then he switched it up

0:47:54 Thomas: All right. OK, Mr. Harvard law, the old elephant dick pitch. Yeah well I want you to tell me. Yeah so murder attacks, cheater and lock. Keep the case because Tom Cruise is a miracle worker and he knows he knows mafia guy. He knows how to talk.

0:48:09 Sam: Not afraid to talk to this guy, yeah, at all yeah

0:48:10 Thomas: Right. So So while he's in the Caymans, Mitch McDeere, Tom Cruise also talks to the boat captain who reveals that of the explodey diving accident, the diving explosion or whatever. It's the weirdest thing. That's how they decided to kill him in a diving explosion, like the boat. We don't see this, but that's just what they said. And he says the captain guy is like, oh, yeah, I lost my son, I think. And then he's like, and we never found the two other men who are with the guys who died. And it turns out it's like an albino guy and a heavier guy, so that's very suspicious, the piano player thinks so, anyway he starts playing some suspicious music to make us think that, so yeah easily, yeah yeah

0:48:24 Sam: Yeah ominous tune, yeah, I got from that that you can basically murder people in the Cayman Islands any way you want to, and nobody looks into it, there's no like, oh, and it was an explosion on a boat, okay, that's good enough for us, they just died on, no nobody

0:49:01 Thomas: Like the police never asked, like, hey, were there two guys that you never found or something, like weird

0:49:04 Sam: Yeah there

0:49:07 Andrew: I have so

0:49:07 Sam: Was an albino all albinos, vinos are guilty of murder, first off, if they even, here there's an albino, he's arrested

0:49:09 Thomas: Maybe it's some weird came in law where like albinos can murder and it's fine, yeah yeah

0:49:13 Sam: Yeah what's the law like in the Cayman Islands

0:49:18 Andrew: I, I was going to save this note until the end because it also has to do with the credits, but I'm gonna bring it up here, which is, um, this movie actually made it into a an official report by the governor of of the Cayman Islands, because it, they had to embark on this like expensive campaign to try and convince American investors that it was OK to invest in the Caymin Islands. And they specifically say, you know, ever since The Firm came out, people think that our island is like an island of tax cheats and murder. And so there we go.

0:49:51 Sam: Yeah

0:49:52 Thomas: And they're like, and you're right so invest in this island, so yeah

0:49:56 Sam: Yeah, just invest if you're involved in that kind of thing, if you're not, there's no use for your money here, but

0:49:59 Thomas: So there's a weird thing where uh, John McDeere has uh, Gene Hackman's keys and so he gains access to his secret yeah I was joking uh, yeah he sent him a John McAdeer letter yeah so uh, he, so Gene Hackmon gives him, him his keys, and then they're in the Cayman place that he, they're always in.

0:50:07 Sam: Mitch McDeere sorry I can't let that go John McDeal, John dear the

0:50:23 Thomas: It's the weirdest scene.

0:50:22 Sam: Hyatt the often branded Hyatt they stay at did you notice all the Hyett branding going on the whole movie, yeah

0:50:26 Thomas: Oh, okay. Yeah. Actually I didn't somehow. He Um, says like, Oh, get yourself a beer. And you were going to talk about this, right? Sam? Like what the hell was this?

0:50:36 Sam: Well, it's weird because Gene Hackman's in his room saying like, it takes me a little while to look as good as you, but I'm convinced I can, you know, he's like trying he's putting on aftershave, he's not even doing it it's not like he's you know manscaping or yeah doing anything like that, he's just like yeah he's yeah

0:50:42 Thomas: Uh-huh. Makeup. Yeah, do his eyeliner and stuff. That would have been awesome. Oh man, they should Should have had him just like looking down at his penis, like, like just shaving or something. Oh, that would have been great.

0:50:50 Andrew: A 10 minute scene of that

0:50:53 Sam: All he's doing is looking at himself and putting aftershav on, and then he's really cool, I mean it's a small little like bungalow type of thing, it's like, it's not a gigantic, you know, they're in the same room, not room, but, you know, like if you get a hotel room, there's like a couple little rooms or whatever. So he's telling Tom Cruise, like, I'm getting ready and you can hear him like he's continuing the conversation. They can both hear each other. So the point is, like they're close to each other and Gene Hackman could walk out of his room like in a second, like any second, he could just walk out and see what Tom Cruise is doing. So he says, like have a beer. There's a Red Stripe, more branding for Red Stripes. It's weird. This movie had a lot of like brand name stuff going on. Anyway, but he goes, uh, he gets a beer or whatever, and then he's like, and Tom Cruise says, is there anything to to eat, and the, and Gene Hackman delivers the line, there's a thing full of stuff next to the fridge, that's

0:50:56 Andrew: Oh

0:51:02 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Small place.

0:51:24 Thomas: Yeah. Uh-huh.

0:51:43 Thomas: Yeah. Literal

0:51:43 Sam: What the line was, yeah, that's literally what he said. That part is so awkward, yeah.

0:51:44 Thomas: Line. Thing full of stuff. I still don't know. Was it food that he was asking about? I don't even know. So then the whole thing is like, it's locked. So he's like, use the key. I don't know. You lock your thing full of staff, I guess. He's like it's a locked thing full stuff.

0:51:51 Sam: Yeah. So there, the camera shows, you, like on the left side, there's little obvious food drawer, where the food would be, and Tom Cruise accidentally looks to the right, where there's just a closet door.

0:52:01 Thomas: Yeah. Or something. No, yeah, well, it's not Accidentally, he's, he's suspicious at this point, so he's like, he knows there's a door behind which is all the murder files, so, yeah.

0:52:12 Sam: I don't think he was suspicious at all. What did you think, Andrew? I thought he wasn't.

0:52:15 Andrew: I read that as suspicious, yeah. I

0:52:16 Sam: You did?

0:52:15 Thomas: He Was suspicious? Well,

0:52:17 Andrew: I read it as excuse to to open the closet and look at the murder files, but

0:52:17 Sam: Oh, yeah,

0:52:20 Thomas: Because he already taught, he already knows about the murder, like he already talked to the boat captain, so he

0:52:24 Sam: That's true. Okay.

0:52:25 Andrew: Up, so Tom Cruise opens up the closet and is looking through the murder files, and then while he's trying

0:52:27 Thomas: Yeah, I have yeah,

0:52:25 Sam: Yeah. They're labeled murder files, by the way.

0:52:30 Andrew: Yeah, though they are, and and then, so as there's the, like, because Gene Hackman is just in the other room, I can come out in two seconds, he turns and drops his beer and it shatters, and then he he just manages

0:52:39 Thomas: Okay, I think it's even better than that, he set his beer down, and when he goes to, because Gene Hackman's obviously going to come out, he's five feet away from this, if that, he kicks his beer, and it shatters, he actually kicks it with his foot, and the beer just shattered, like, that would ever happen, like it just, and there's just the bottles everywhere, but then he just,

0:52:46 Andrew: Okay, OK. Right. Right, but

0:52:55 Sam: Yeah.

0:53:06 Andrew: But the whole, but the only purpose for this scene is to set up the foreshadow, and like the camera zooms in on the like shattered glass and the beer pouring out from under the murder files. And like the obvious point is, well, this means Gene Hackman, the next time he goes to look at the murder trials is going to put two and two together.

0:53:15 Sam: Yeah, no.

0:53:22 Andrew: Does that happen in this movie? No, it does not.

0:53:20 Thomas: Yeah, nope, Doesn't happen. Yeah.

0:53:24 Andrew: That never happens Again. At

0:53:24 Sam: That's what I wrote in my notes. He left a beer in the closet on the floor. He closes the door and the beer's in there spilling everywhere.

0:53:26 Andrew: Yeah,

0:53:29 Thomas: And You could see the beer, like, on the floor. Yeah.

0:53:31 Sam: And then they just leave. And, like, it's so what the housekeeping

0:53:32 Andrew: This is this is a tropical island, like, there will be flies and ants crawling all through the murder files now.

0:53:37 Thomas: Yeah,

0:53:34 Sam: Yeah I want to know what happened to the beer? Yeah, how? Yeah. Those goddamn flies, getting your murder files, but

0:53:42 Andrew: And

0:53:40 Thomas: You should have scooped it up and drank it? At least, like, sorry, I was looking at these murder files, but I spilled my beer, I needed so.

0:53:49 Sam: Yeah. The point I didn't really make is that he takes a long time to look through the file. He, he looks at every file, reads in front of back. Gene Hackman's still talking to him, like, 10 feet away, forever. He just never comes out of the room. It's Just not very believable.

0:53:50 Thomas: Yeah.

0:54:01 Thomas: Weird. Yeah.

0:54:02 Sam: Like that he would be able to do that.

0:54:03 Thomas: So they really messed up that scene, it was kind of bad. They could have found a better way. So now it's party time, that's night time on the Cayman Islands because they're actually, they're on Prostitute Island, turns out. They're on one of the good ones.

0:54:04 Sam: Yeah, If They're not, not murdering or trying to save Sunny's account, then they're dancing.

0:54:16 Thomas: Yeah, they're dancing. And Tom Cruise is like, he's not into this super hot girl that's hitting on him. So he goes to walk on the beach. This is great. And then he stumbles onto some guy who's, what, jostling, you would say? Like, just really, really lazily murdering this girl. Like, yeah, just some...

0:54:17 Sam: Yeah.

0:54:29 Sam: Just horse playing. They're just

0:54:33 Thomas: He's supposed to be murdering a girl, but it's really just bad horseplay, like you say.

0:54:33 Sam: Like, it's Like two people locked with their arms on their each other's arms, like, you know, your hands on the upper arms, the other person, and they're juste, like, swaying. It's almost dancing, it's really close to dancing, it just a little bit harder than dancing. To make it look like they're struggling.

0:54:42 Thomas: Uh-huh. Yeah. It's like It's like a fight scene from a third grade play or something. That's what it's like. And seriously, just put a little more effort into your murdering is what I wanted to say to this guy. He's just really just haphazardly murdering this chick.

0:55:03 Sam: It's not even doing anything. I could not that I would want to see it, but he could have just, like, slapped her or something, you know, like anything that made it, or she could have kicked him in the shins or it didn't look like there was ever, they were not in any danger.

0:55:04 Thomas: No, he's just... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anything. Yeah. Yeah.

0:55:14 Sam: Either one of them, they were just testing each other's shoulder strength is really all it was. It was like Greco-Roman wrestling. This is what it was.

0:55:17 Andrew: Then no,

0:55:21 Thomas: She's like, I just scored two points on you or something, and so anyway, so Tom Cruise scares him off by being Tom Cruise because he's like... Oh, go ahead.

0:55:27 Andrew: No, but he doesn't just stare like that. That sequence is like 45 seconds long of just Tom Cruise staring at, the two of them.

0:55:30 Sam: Yeah. It goes on forever. It showed, the camera shows her eyes And

0:55:38 Andrew: Yeah, and nobody

0:55:39 Thomas: Yeah.

0:55:38 Sam: His eyes and Tom Cruise's eyes, back and forth and back and forth.

0:55:39 Thomas: Well, Tom Cruise is probably like, are they dancing or sorry?

0:55:40 Andrew: Says anything right? Yeah.

0:55:41 Sam: It's not like, he pulls a knife, like, Tom Cruise doesn't pull a knife or a gun or even, in like, flex his muscles or rip his shirt off or anything. He just, he's like, oh, what, oh, you guys are wrestling, oh, all right, okay. He never makes any kind of move to, like, I'm gonna put an end to this wrestling or anything. You just, uh, he's just walking.

0:55:44 Andrew: Yeah, yeah, yep, I

0:56:00 Thomas: Yeah, no, it's just that. And then he, so he wanders off the guy, the murder, the lazy murder wanders out then, you know, like she's kind of hurt or whatever. And dann Tom Cruise treats the injury because, you Know, he's sprained a lot of ankles. He says like, he says tons of ankles, mostly mine. Yeah, it was the weirdest thing.

0:56:16 Andrew: Thought

0:56:14 Sam: Mine. Yeah, That's what he says.

0:56:17 Thomas: Yeah,

0:56:17 Andrew: This was another good application of Thomas's, uh, all Tom Cruise does is say obvious shit in a way that you know is meant to sound profound, right?

0:56:22 Sam: Yeah,

0:56:23 Thomas: Yeah, and then she just throws herself at him, you know, like, just just like people who are almost murdered. Yeah.

0:56:29 Andrew: Yeah,

0:56:29 Sam: Starts sucking on his fingers and stuff.

0:56:32 Thomas: Yeah, Just, just, uh, near, near murder victims do, they're like, throw yourself at the next man you see that you don't know. So this is just a total obvious setup, like couldn't be more setupy, and my note here was like, can you, can you, you tell the piano player to look away while we do this, please? But now the piano player's, he's into it, so the piano play starts playing some sexy themes. Yeah.

0:56:48 Sam: Unfazed Yeah.

0:56:53 Thomas: He's like, now I'll be here, I'm just gonna play you here, I'll play you on, yeah, here, let me, let me grab some different sheet music, yeah, and, uh, but it's the totally obvious setup, and it's like, well, okay, I would, I would still do it, like I said, I would have still done it, like I would've been like, okay, you're a total setup, I, I get it, but let's just do it anyway, just, yeah, why not, because you're hot,

0:56:55 Sam: I got a song for everything. You think I was playing during the murders, you think I'm gonna stop now? Yeah, yeah.

0:57:13 Sam: Yeah, In my notes I wrote that it's weird how the first girl, like you said, that's trying to hit on him, because obviously the firm has set up some girls to try to, you know, hit on them to so they can take pictures of them, you know, they can blackmail them with. The first one, he's just not even interested, like he's like, there's no chance, he even tells her, like, there's no chances happening, just get the hell away from me, whatever. And then a second later, he's walking, and all of a sudden he just, just falls for it and goes all out, like oh, yeah, yeah, he's

0:57:21 Thomas: Yeah. A series of women, mm-hmm, yeah it was a more elaborate ruse, that's the thing, so like he's the hero in this one, so that's why he goes for it, and he's Tom Cruise, you know, he's so noble, man.

0:57:46 Sam: Tom Cruise, yeah, he needs to feel like a hero.

0:57:48 Thomas: When You save a girl's life, you can't not have sex with her, like that's in the rules, the Tom Cruise rules

0:57:48 Sam: True. Forgot about that, he definitely saved her life. She may have been pinned on the sand and then let up instantly at any moment.

0:57:53 Thomas: Yeah He saved her shoulders a little bit. So now, next scene, they're, they're back from the Caimans, he's at jail meeting with totally not his brother, like this guy, is couldn't be less Tom Cruise's brother. He's of a, this actor is a very confusing ethnicity, he's like 10 different ethnicities, I looked it up, but whatever, it is, it's not Tom Cruise related. And so, but then he's, so he tells his outlaw brother about murder, really black, Maley and tax evasion law firm. And his outlaws, he tells him, I don't know, outlaw brothers providing good advice on how to deal with the criminal firm. It's like, like, it's so funny that like, oh, we're both surrounded by criminals.

0:58:03 Sam: Yeah. Sneakers

0:58:19 Andrew: Did,

0:58:34 Sam: Yeah, his I don't know if you were going to mention this, but his brother is like unbelievably forgiving and like nice to like, he, he disowned his brother, lies and says he doesn't exist, goes to the jail with the only reason to be that he wants to get information from him about, like, helping him with this thing. And the brother's not like, hey, you don't ever see me, and now you got a problem, and all of a sudden, oh, now all of the sudden you want to see me, fuck off, the fuck out out of here, I don't just exist for you to come here, get stuff from me. Yeah.

0:58:41 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, the brother is in jail for manslaughter. And then it turns out like he, it says, I think he says at some point in the movie, Tom Cruise says like, well, if he wasn't a boxer, he wouldn't have gotten manslaughter or something. Is that how the law works, Andrew?

0:59:01 Sam: Yeah.

0:59:12 Andrew: The line the line is, if the line is because obviously I took notes on this. If he wasn't a boxer, it would have been self-defense, which, in any other movie, would be the stupidest thing about the law that anyone says in a movie, and in this one, like, sort of barely registered as a, as a note, but no, no, of course that's not how the law works. Yeah.

0:59:13 Sam: I think so. I

0:59:16 Thomas: Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's awesome. And I love how it's boxing too. Like he, like that would make the difference. Like it would have been totally fine.

0:59:38 Andrew: This character, there's no way he would be a, like, super light welterweight or whatever, like the, the tiniest category of bantam.

0:59:41 Sam: Yeah, not even that bantam weight. Yeah. No,

0:59:45 Thomas: And his face is perfect.

0:59:46 Andrew: There we go, that's the word. I was.

0:59:47 Thomas: Like, he has no face. He has no

0:59:48 Sam: Shoulders, he doesn't

0:59:47 Andrew: Yeah, he he speaks in sentences, so you know, he has not taken like multiple blows to of the head for a career.

0:59:50 Sam: Have boxing shoulders. Yeah, anyway. It's

0:59:56 Andrew: Very,

0:59:51 Thomas: No, yeah, um, so Okay, so his brother asked, like, how'd you ever land the job with his brother in the joint, with a brother in the joint, and he's like, uh, obviously not tell them about it, like that's the only. And, uh, his brother, so then his brother refers him yeah, he's like, what do you think, you got Wilford Brimley on security. He's like, they're just a law firm, I was just like, yeah, whatever. Uh, and so his, his brother refers him to a private detective for help. And then we find out, yeah, we find out two things.

1:00:08 Sam: Not like they have a security, a wing or anything. Yeah,

1:00:11 Andrew: Busy

1:00:22 Thomas: Holly Hunter is in this movie and Gary Busey.

1:00:22 Sam: It's awesome. And she's the best actress ever.

1:00:26 Thomas: Yeah. And she got nominated for an award, I think, for the Academy Award for like 10 seconds of camera time. It's pretty cool. Yeah, she's really good. And Gary Bucey says his first line is, you sure remind me of your brother for absolutely no reason because there's no resemblance at all.

1:00:21 Andrew: Yes,

1:00:31 Sam: She's awesome. Yeah,

1:00:40 Thomas: I don't know why they put that in there. And then okay, so they, there's that scene, do you guys have anything on that scene, but basically Gary Bucey's gonna help

1:00:40 Sam: Well, before I had one of the thing when the The whole jail scene, did it bother you guys that the camera angle, or whatever the shot was set up so the bar was like in the middle of the guy's face, his brother's face, the whole time? It was driving me nuts. I don't know, it's Like I Get That he's Behind Bars Yeah It Was right down the middle of his nose, like most of the scene, it was so weird, just

1:00:47 Thomas: Oh sure, maybe He Was trying To Be Like Some imagery Like some yeah Like Maybe like The only way he'll look like Tom Cruise is if we put a bar in His face Like that's the only way

1:01:09 Andrew: There's

1:01:06 Sam: Yeah It's Like I guess that He was behind bars, you don't literally have to put a bar in the middle, this Phase the whole interview anyway, yeah

1:01:12 Thomas: Yeah So I don't have really have anything for that scene, except we find out Holly Hunter is the secretary for Gary BC, and Gary Busy is going to kind of look into to things for Tom Cruise. So now Tom Cruise is finally home, uh, the wife is doing my favorite thing in movies, which is anger cooking. Does it, does that have your wives done that, do wives do that, like, oh, this is, she's cooking but she's really mad, like, she's chopping, there's always chopping, like, you haven't been Home Forever, oh

1:01:39 Sam: The Tomato Gets slaughtered Tomato got Murdered Like a couple of lawyers in the Cayman Islands It was disgusting, yeah

1:01:40 Andrew: Yeah, there's All This So I, I do all the cooking, so um, I Maybe I Was intensely focused on this, but there's all this, you know, anger chopping, but she's making a salad and she's slicing the tomatoes into these big thick slices, like the kind you would put on hamburgers, and Then just dumping them in the bowl with the salad, and that's just gonna have like gross tomato water, like All over your lettuce, it's, it's the worst way to make a salad I have ever seen It Really It Bothered Me, the law, like

1:01:49 Thomas: Do You do anger Cooking Yeah

1:02:02 Sam: Yeah.

1:02:02 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Well, when you're anger cooking. Yeah, so But this time, so she's mad that she, so she went to the office looking for time for Mitch McDeere, for Tom Cruise, but he wasn't there. And then also we find out Gene Hackman tried to make an excuse, but it was wrong. But he has a good excuse, which is he went to visit his outlaw brother, who's not really his brother in any way, shape, or form. And so she's like, oh cool, so that works for now. And then, okay, so now we're back, unless you had anything on that scene. We're back at Gary Busey's office, because apparently he looked in, he started looking into the lawyers or whatever, the, although, and the bad guys are there, just like the minute you look, you, I don't know what he did, like he googled law firm lawyers death or something, no, it was the 90s, so he didn't, early 90s, but they're the bad guy, the, the albino, and uh, what's, what's his name from Breaking Bad, or just there. Yeah.

1:02:16 Sam: Hank.

1:03:01 Sam: Yeah.

1:03:02 Thomas: Hank from being bad. And they just start shooting them. And now I just wonder, like, so you just, they just shoot anyone who even asks a question about the firm. Like, is that really the best policy for secret keeping? Like you just shoot a guy, just murder anyone who, who tries to look into it at all.

1:03:18 Sam: Well, you shoot his ear off, part of his ear off first, and then you shoot the top of his collarbone and then a hand. There's a whole order to it.

1:03:20 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. Cause they want to know who's looking after them.

1:03:25 Sam: Yeah, she

1:03:25 Thomas: Yeah yeah. Or looking, you know, looking into them. But But Holly Hunter is beneath, in the, under the desk. So she's there, you know, giving him a blow job or something. But, but they don't, oh

1:03:36 Sam: Didn't even get to start. That was a whole tragedy. He didn't even get one last blowjob before he got killed. Poor guy.

1:03:37 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, I would have, if I were him, I'd have been like, can I, can you just let me finish this real quick? Just shoot.

1:03:42 Andrew: Yeah.

1:03:43 Sam: Yeah just you guys could totally kill me. Just like give me two minutes. I'm dead. Look, I'm death.

1:03:46 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Consider me dead. Like we're, we're just, count me as dead. We're just, uh, and so, but I just think that's so funny. Like literally he's just looking like he asked a question apparently and they come kill him. Like that's what they would do with it. Like there's no way that's sustainable, but anyway. Yeah, yeah.

1:03:53 Sam: I won't even tie my hands behind behind my back, just don't rip me off this final bloge. Yeah.

1:04:11 Sam: Well, if Hank wasn't so trigger happy, they were trying to get some information out of him, but then he blew Hank's knee off, and then Hank just had to unload and unload a non-silenced

1:04:16 Thomas: And then Hank kills them. No, but they said they were still going to kill him like there wasn't, they were so like, anyway, that's their policy.

1:04:19 Sam: Gun. Yeah. True. They're always going to kill him. That's

1:04:23 Thomas: Yeah. So now we're back at some weird class that Tom Cruise is in. I don't know. Maybe, Andrew, you know something more about this. And someone.

1:04:30 Sam: The tax seminar. Yeah.

1:04:31 Thomas: OK, tax seminar. And someone slips him a newspaper saying like local P.I. shot dead in obvious cover up for the law firm. Everyone knows is evil. Just says like we all know this law firm is evil when will someone stop them? Fresh off

1:04:32 Andrew: Yeah.

1:04:38 Sam: Yeah. Cayman Island albino shoots local P.I. Authorities are still still baffled.

1:04:48 Thomas: Fresh off came in obvious murder spree? Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

1:04:50 Sam: Yeah.

1:04:51 Andrew: Yeah. Over Overweight partner assistant. Time.

1:04:55 Sam: Yeah.

1:04:56 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, so the cracker-eating investigators are back, and they, so they, someone slipped him this, you know, thing or whatever, which I don't think that would be the way he would find out Gary Busey is dead. Really? Like, he finds out he's dead by a newspaper clipping after he just had him? Anyway, that seems weird to me. Like, they wouldn't have, but, so then they find out, yeah, yeah.

1:05:12 Sam: Wait,

1:05:14 Andrew: Time in this movie is weird too because the the newspaper clipping, right, does not look like today's headline from From the Nashville Gazette or wherever.

1:05:22 Thomas: Yeah, so then, they tell him, so there's, they don't have as many crackers in the scene, but they tell him, uh, like, you're everything is bugged, like your your life is bugged. Go ahead.

1:05:31 Sam: Wait, I went, sorry, I have some stuff before that happens. So first off, and I don't know if Andrew agreed, but when they started the tax center, I was like, I want to see this tax seminar, like this is going to be good. I was I was trying to follow it because they were introducing like the new national tax policy or whatever, and I was like, this is actually going to be interesting, there'll be some real tax law going on here, and I could learn something, then they don't, don't even let us hear it. They start the introduction, then the guy leaves. But anyway, so Tom Cruise goes out. Yeah, he gets the note, and he goes out to, they want to meet with him or whatever, the FBI. And they do this whole thing where there's like a fake veteran in a wheelchair handing out papers.

1:05:32 Thomas: Sure. Sure. Yeah yeah finally yeah yeah

1:05:33 Andrew: Yeah.

1:06:07 Thomas: Yeah

1:06:07 Sam: And he, so as Tom Cruise walks, you know, he hands some papers to regular people. And when Tom Cruise walk by, he says, walk down to that bench. You know, like that guy's in the FBI, or he's a veteran that sometimes does some side work for the FBI, because, cause he's really good, trustworthy, but they set that whole thing up. Like it's really, you know, this is going to be a secret meeting. And, uh, Ed, Ed Hairless walks with him for a little while and acts like he doesn't know him, and they're not really talking, and Then stands behind a tree, so Tom Cruise can go down to this bench and talk to the, you know, whatever this guy is at the FBI, higher up at the FBI.

1:06:16 Thomas: Right yeah yeah like the bigger higher up guy. Yeah, in

1:06:41 Andrew: No, no. And that guy, this is my only note from this entire scene. That's Stephen Hill. He's the guy who plays the district attorney in the first seven seasons of Law & Order. And he's amazing. Right, and that's, it's literally the best. Thomas knows this because we've talked about it before. Like, it's the best portrayal of law on television, television.

1:06:50 Thomas: Another movie, no, one knows. Oh, okay, oh, okay. Yeah

1:06:54 Sam: Oh, wow. Hmm.

1:07:03 Andrew: And he, so he's the guy who's always, uh, if you ever watched any early Law and Order, would be telling Sam Watterson, like, who wants to try the the case, like, no, no, you know you're gonna plead this out. And his catchphrase was "make the deal," uh, which was awesome because that's exactly how law works. Right, like that's exactly what a prosecutor does is say, uh, make the deal, so I was super happy to see him here.

1:07:25 Sam: Mm-hmm.

1:07:21 Thomas: Right but I like what you're saying, Sam if there's anything I've learned from movies and shows, it's that like homeless people handing out stuff get a lot of business from the FBI or from the CIA, there's a lot, like, that's who you want to trust with your official secret business is some guy, you know, who's just like handing out some homeless veteran.

1:07:27 Andrew: Yeah

1:07:33 Sam: Mm-Hmm.

1:07:43 Sam: Well, that's what I don't know. Oh, it was that an FBI agent who was pretending to be a homeless guy?

1:07:44 Thomas: Yeah right or does he just stay there all the time? Yeah, that's what I want to know, like I always but

1:07:48 Sam: Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:48 Andrew: Right like what happens after he gives the note to Tom cruise, like, he's got to do that for another two hours? Like you know,

1:07:53 Sam: He's got to wait till everybody's gone. And he's like, okay, I can't let anyone know.

1:07:54 Thomas: One thing you gotta think about is these are fucking government workers, they'd be like, all right, fuck this, I'm done, I punched the clock. Like he just gets out of his costume and like leaves it there, just leaves it's like

1:07:58 Sam: Yeah, so

1:08:03 Andrew: And and and you're totally right, that, I mean, this scene is in broad daylight at the reflecting pool, which is one of the most, you know, visited landmarks on earth, and, uh, you know, the the Stephen Hill is a, like the higher up at at the FBI or wherever the hell he's supposed to be, the higher up, that, and all it would take would be one person from the firm, like they're talking about how the firm has everything bugged, they could be here right now, well, all they would have to do is take one photo, right?

1:08:03 Sam: Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

1:08:04 Thomas: Yeah

1:08:31 Sam: They're not like sitting back to back on the bench acting like they, you know, they're looking right at each other, like just two guys on the bench. And then, I mean, you were going to say what they talk about there, but after that, then it's fine. Like then it'S not secret. Like Like he walks with Ed Harris for a while and

1:08:31 Andrew: Yeah yeah okay

1:08:33 Thomas: Yeah they did like 40 of the secrety stuff, and then they're like, well, this is too fucking hard, whatever, let's just talk. Yeah.

1:08:45 Sam: Yeah. No, who cares? Yeah, it's exhausting. You're dead anyway, so who gives a shit? They're not going to kill us.

1:08:52 Thomas: Couldn't they just have been like this is my dad or something, like, just any, I don't know, find, find some excuse for them, time yeah

1:08:55 Sam: Yeah. They do all that setup like it's cool. This is going to be interesting. Like he's going to do all this secret meeting and then they just abandon that like instantly. It's weird.

1:09:00 Thomas: Yeah doesn't matter, yeah it's totally true, so he finds out everything is bugged, and which it feels like there's a lot of effort in this, Wilford Brimley is working fucking overtime, that guy I would hire that guy, apparent that character. Like he's just, yeah

1:09:05 Sam: Yeah. Yeah. The entire Cayman Islands account goes to Wilford Brimley to pay him, I think.

1:09:19 Thomas: Yeah and uh, he finds out the firm is the official firm for the crime family in Chicago, so, and every partner knows

1:09:26 Andrew: And and now you have to, you have to queue up the scene at

1:09:27 Thomas: Oh

1:09:29 Clip: I steal files from the firm, turn them over to the FBI, testify against my colleagues, send them to jail. They suckered you into this. Reveal privilege information that violates attorney-client confidence, get me disbarred, then testify in open court against the mafia. Well, unfortunately, Mitch... Let me ask you something. Are you out of your fucking mind? They...

1:09:52 Andrew: That's the scene that's why I picked this movie, that's why, and I remember this is occurring like five minutes in my like the first time I watched this movie to this point, and I now feel better about like having given it a full hour because I just remember like, yeah, yeah, rowing Cambridge, and there's a thing in law school, gets the job, and then you want me to violate privilege and be disbarred, are you out of your fucking mind, and that's when I walked out of the room, I was like yeah, no, I'm done, I'm down with this.

1:10:15 Thomas: And then ed haireless yeah yeah

1:10:22 Sam: Yeah. Yeah. I had a note to ask you. Yeah. Well, you're probably going to get into it, but I thought it would be funnier if I asked you just like, if you help put away criminals in a law firm, then you're disbarred because you go like, it makes no sense. You do the right thing. Yeah. If anything, you'd be double barred. They'd give you, there's a new class of bars.

1:10:24 Andrew: Um no, of course not. Yeah,

1:10:33 Thomas: Yeah We're gonna go ahead and bar you again. Yeah, consider yourself double barred

1:10:43 Sam: Yeah.

1:10:43 Andrew: You get one free admission in the state of your choice. Of

1:10:46 Thomas: Yeah yeah

1:10:47 Sam: Yeah, that'd be like the greatest honor. Like I was a lawyer and I was stuck by the principles. And when I saw people, a firm that I worked for going against those principles and And I reported the illegal activity. He'd be like, that's the best thing you could possibly do. But that's the whole setup for the movie. The main part of the plot is that. He has to find a way to make all this work without the client privilege being violated or whatever. I know I probably crapped all over what you're going to say, but I thought it would be funnier to ask you and set you up to go off on it now, so you can go ahead.

1:11:00 Andrew: Course it is. Yes.

1:11:14 Andrew: No, no, no. That is the entire business model of opening arguments. So I totally Am down with that. Um, yeah, no, if this were the firm with Andrew Torrez, right, it would be one hour and four minutes long because like you'd have you'd have the same hour and three minutes and then I would be like, uh, okay, um, well, why don't you have a whole bunch of like uh FBI guys with guns march me back to my office and I'll grab literally everything I can get my hands on and give it to you and uh And we're good now.

1:11:23 Thomas: Yeah.

1:11:49 Sam: Yeah.

1:11:51 Thomas: Done. Yeah.

1:11:52 Andrew: Right. There we go. Everyone lives happily ever after.

1:11:53 Thomas: Done and done.

1:11:55 Sam: Yeah.

1:11:56 Andrew: And because, of course, right. Like, so what is attorney client privilege? Right. Like attorney client privileges when somebody specifically hires a lawyer and asks you a question for legal advice. Right, that conversation is privileged in the course of that conversation. Conversation, they can tell you stuff necessary to answering that question. Right. And in some cases they can even tell you. Stuff in, in relation to like broad, open-ended questions. Like one of the things I use as an example with my clients all the time is right. If you tell me, and it's relevant to my representation of you, that you were the second shooter on the grassy knoll who killed Kennedy, then like, I can't breathe a word of that to anybody else.

1:12:42 Andrew: Right? Right. And that's all true. But like the thing you can't do is come in, hire me and be like, so, Andrew, I was going to knock off the 7-Eleven tomorrow. And I need to know the best way for me to do that without getting caught, because then I'm required.

1:12:59 Thomas: Look, I'm sorry I did that. OK, we've been through this.

1:13:03 Andrew: I'm require. It's not just like, do you have the option? Is there this angst? Like, are you out of your fucking mind? I'm gonna get no, no, no, like, there's a there's a rule that says when once you tell me you're planning future criminal acts, I am required to divulge them, right? Like, and and if you think about that for like a tenth of a second, like, of course that would be the case because otherwise, like, you would, otherwise this movie would be correct, right?

1:13:25 Sam: Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

1:13:30 Andrew: Like and then what, like, crime syndicates would do is just hire lawyers and be like, oh, congratulations, like, the Gambino crime family books are all run by like this one lawyer over here, and, you know, he's going to go, of course not. So anyway, yeah, this is why I picked this movie.

1:13:33 Sam: Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

1:13:29 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is where. OK, and this is where I wasn't sure where to put this, but I actually thought of something really. I think that's a pretty good thought. Again, talking about how to improve this. And it actually was related to what you said, Andrew, and it could perfectly tie in, like we planned it, but we totally didn't. My thought about this was, wait a minute, this movie would have been about 80 times better if the firm went after the dumbest fucking lawyers of of any law school.

Like, why do they, why does this outlaw firm go after the top lawyer in the world who does the best backflips and, like, like, just hire the shittiest lawyer, like a middling lawyer, and then you could say, like, look, are you gonna, look, we can make you a lot of money here, you don't have other options, you know, like Tom Cruise has every other option available to him in the world. The whole point of this movie is that they're going to make him comfortable in his life with his, you know, his family is when they're gonna make it harder for him to want to turn in his firm or whatever. But why do they need the top lawyer for that? Doesn't make any sense. Right?

1:14:11 Andrew: I

1:14:27 Sam: Yeah.

1:14:44 Andrew: Love the idea of combining this movie with Spies Like Us, right, and just just having the most incompetent lawyer ever working on the briefs

1:14:48 Thomas: Yeah. Well, and it works with what you said. Yeah. Yeah, and then works with why you said for Yeah, like why he?

1:14:53 Sam: And then when the mob complains, you're like, you got a lawyer, he's an idiot, who cares, whatever, like, that's what you got, like go ahead, find a better one, go ahead.

1:14:58 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or even just a middling lawyer. Like, why do they go after literally according to this movie? Why does murdery, kidnapping and tax evasion LLC go after the top fucking lawyer? Like, like super visible, you know, going to have a lot of connections with people, you know? Like, it doesn't make any sense. Why would you go after that lawyer? This doesn't, yeah stupid.

1:15:08 Andrew: Yeah

1:15:23 Sam: But yeah yeah

1:15:27 Andrew: But I but I want to point out this line right like it's not just if you haven't watched it's not just that I'm nitpicking about where they're getting the law wrong because it bothers me or whatever. Like they repeat that line like five times in the next five minutes. Right. Like so evil Fletch lawyer, how Holbrook says they invite you to break the law. And then like the Mitch McCool's wife says they're, they're going to have you, you know, reveal client secrets and you're goingto be disbarred.

1:15:28 Thomas: Yeah yeah

1:15:57 Andrew: And all of it is just all every time they say it, it's not just nails on a blackboard but it's a hundred times worse

1:15:57 Thomas: So dumb and the other thing is now it's like he's either going to help take down his firm or what like what is the alternative that he's considering like because he's not doing he's all mad like are you out of your fucking mind like everything's bugged he's working for an evil murder firm yeah what is this other option and then

1:16:10 Sam: Yeah

1:16:04 Andrew: Right yeah he's like oh I'm just I'm just gonna I'm gonna stay here at murder and tax evasion LLC and you know what whatever like I've got a comfortable practice helping out the mob and yeah well that's fine

1:16:27 Thomas: To do even more like cracker eating at hairless notices later notes he's like hey we can also like we can get to your brother oh no the the crime family can kill your brother at any time not only that like they're gonna find out that you have the brother because blah blah blah like they're going to make the connection with uh you know uh Gary Bucey or whatever so um then so then the next scene or do do you have more on this? Cause then, then he's back at the firm. And for some reason he's telling the partners that the FBI talked to him, which like, I still don't get what his plan was here. It's the weirdest thing. Like it just seen where he's like, yeah, they talked to me and the firm, the partners are kind of like playing it off. Like, oh, we always battle against the government and blah, blah, blah. And like, I don't get, this could have been cut easily. I do not understand the point of the scene. Do you?

1:16:28 Andrew: Yeah

1:16:57 Sam: Yeah I

1:17:13 Andrew: I think they were trying to make the scene seem right because remember that the final instruction is you know you got to pretend like this is just normal and I think they were were trying to do the like this is what he thought of to cover his tracks but I agree like it it made no sense and

1:17:22 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Then why all the secrecy stuff? That, like, whatever, was it secret or not, they should have just not done it in secret, I guess, I don't know, um, yeah,

1:17:30 Andrew: Yeah yeah yeah

1:17:35 Sam: Guess yeah I was thinking was he thinking they could have just killed him then at any point once they found out he met with the FBI they could just kill him but by admitting it he was trying to prove that like he was on there you know he didn't know what was going on and he wasn't trying to look for this like they just started messing with him and he's all innocent and now they're thinking we need to not kill him or you know like he might be working with us or whatever it is confusing it's Well, the way they play it up is like he's a genius for figuring out this plan or whatever. Like he's really thought of it. Tom Cruise has like really thought about it.

1:17:44 Thomas: Yeah.

1:17:46 Andrew: Awesome

1:17:57 Thomas: It's just confusing, though, like it doesn't, yeah it doesn' t, sir, yeah, oh later on he thinks of a plan, yeah he doesn't have a plan yet, this is all he's kind of, doesn't know what to do still.

1:18:07 Sam: Yeah. But that was part of his plan is to just come clean on it or whatever at first.

1:18:12 Thomas: Do So he comes home to some terrible music playing, and uh, the wife is there, and she cranks it, or no, he cranks up really high because you know, it's bugged, everything's bugged, so that's how he tells, he has the scene where he tells the wife, and he tells her like, like, "Hi, we're working for an obviously evil firm," like, you already knew because it was like culty murdery LLC, and uh, then he has, this is my favorite thing, his wife just bolts, like just sprints away from the house, and we get Tom Cruise running, like it's in his contract he's got to do, is Tom Cruise, like he I think part of Tom Cruise's appeal as an actor is that, I guess it maybe it has to do with him being short, but he can look like he's running amazingly, like he moves his arm, it's all in the arms, like, like just run a hundred miles an hour.

And uh, this is my favorite thing, how often have you guys had that argument with your wife where she just sprints the hundred meter dash, like, if she breaks the record, they go, they're running for a while, like, just forever, they're just running, and then

1:18:22 Sam: Cranks it.

1:18:38 Sam: Man, yeah, yeah.

1:19:10 Sam: Dude,

1:19:10 Thomas: They cross the finish line, like, "Oh man, that was a good run, good, good, thing we did that." Yeah,

1:19:10 Sam: What? I want to mention first, before that, is that it would have been a dead giveaway when they turned up that music really loud, like, because nobody would, would turn that music up loud, so like Wilford Brimley would have been like, okay, they know, they obviously know, like, they could have picked a hit song or something and be like, oh, they just, this is a good song, I could see why they turned it up really loud, but yeah, find where the microphone is, help, somebody help, send help, we can't get this thing off, we've pulled all that, we pulled the plug out, it's still playing, but yeah, yeah,

1:19:21 Thomas: Wilford Brimley's like no, this is yeah, yeah, they should yeah, They, they really should have been like, "Oh man, the stereo is malfunctioning, I can't control the, just crank it up. Uh, uh, yeah, you're right. That was a total giveaway. And then the thing is like, the weird thing is she's like mad at him. And is she, so is she against bringing down the evil firm that she hates? Like, I don't understand her motivation here. Like she's, she's mad, I guess that everything was bugged, but like, why is she? She's like against him in this scene.

1:20:04 Sam: It's weird, she makes this comment like, "Everything we've been saying is wasn't, and it's like, that's not the issue, that doesn't even matter. What the, the fuck, what have you possibly been saying that even matters? Like, who cares that they've been listening to your daily conversation about boring bullshit? Like, the fact that you're accidentally working.

1:20:08 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He hasn't even been around. Yeah,

1:20:20 Sam: Yeah. The fact that your husband's not working for a murdering firm and he could get murdered is a little more important than talking about the salad that you made that was terrible with the tomato juice earlier. It's not a big deal.

1:20:20 Thomas: Right. Yeah yeah look at these fucking weird slices in the salad. They're gonna know how bad I am at salad making.

1:20:32 Sam: Yeah, it's like, yeah,

1:20:33 Andrew: See, I read this whole scene as, you know, I was the one who didn't want us to come to Memphis. I wanted us to go somewhere else, but you had to come work for Murder, Death, and Cult.

1:20:36 Sam: Yeah.

1:20:47 Thomas: Yeah but but would that be your reaction when you find out you're working for murdery death and cult? Like yeah

1:20:48 Sam: Yeah, I could could see the running and just losing your mind. I could see that. What would you do

1:20:53 Andrew: Well, yeah.

1:20:56 Thomas: Well you wouldn't be running such a tight 100 meter time though. Really, she really does put up a hell of the time. Like, it just, yeah, they got the whole finish line and everything, um, yeah, yeah,

1:20:59 Andrew: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:20:59 Sam: Yeah, I wrote in my notes that she's a terrible distance runner because she started out pretty good, but she gets tired really fast and then, like I said, Tom Cruise is pumping his arms and legs a thousand miles an hour and not even gaining ground on her.

1:21:13 Thomas: Yeah,

1:21:17 Andrew: She only had like a one second head start, right? Yeah, I the other thing that I

1:21:18 Sam: Yeah, Oh,

1:21:20 Thomas: I have to say I would be able to catch my wife so much easier than that like I would. If my wife ever bolts, I'll just be like, I can easily outrun you. Sorry, I'm gonna be. Yeah, we can do this here. We could do this. A 10 feet from here where I catch you.

1:21:22 Andrew: Right the the other

1:21:24 Sam: Yeah, yeah, Poor Tom Cruise every Step of Tom Cruise is like a third of a normal man, I guess, because he just can't. That's why he has to run so hard just to keep up with a normal person. He's like digging in, like there's pieces of asphalt are like flying behind him as he's running. He's pumping so hard. Yeah,

1:21:41 Thomas: Yeah, Oh, God, I love it. He

1:21:49 Andrew: But the other think that I wanted to to to, but I wanted to pay off was, right, like they go through all this big, um, rigmarole about how, right, it's the firm that secured the mortgage on the house and came by and furnished it. And, like, didn't you get the sense that, like, all of the associates were going to be sort of living in the same community so that it was easier for Wilford Brimley to keep an eye on. Like, and I just want, like, they're in. So you would think they would be in like another associate of murder death culty firm's uh, office, yeah, like, but no, like, that never comes

1:21:51 Thomas: Yeah, yeah,

1:22:20 Sam: Yeah,

1:22:23 Thomas: They had the argument like out in the open or Whatever. Like, it seems like that would be worse, but whatever.

1:22:24 Andrew: Out ever. Yeah, right?

1:22:28 Sam: As soon as she ran screaming out of the house, one of the neighbors have been like, uh, we have a problem. I mean, let me call Wilford.

1:22:33 Andrew: Yeah,

1:22:35 Thomas: He's like, no, their stereo is just broken. That's all. That is why they ran out. That actually made perfect sense.

1:22:37 Sam: Yeah, yeah, like

1:22:38 Andrew: I would have. I would have gone run screaming out into the street too.

1:22:43 Thomas: He's, like, I'm already on it. They just have this shitty song playing. That' the thing.

1:22:44 Andrew: Oh,

1:22:47 Sam: You said energy. The conversation should have been like, you fucking idiot, I knew this was a bad idea. I told you this is a bad idea. You ruined our entire lives. The only thing you could possibly tell me right now that would make it worse is that you cheated on me. I know you didn't cheat on me. There's no way you would have cheated on you. But I'm just saying for effect, like more editing.

1:22:50 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, we haven't gotten to that yet. And so, he's going to copy the files he tells her that, and but she's against it because he'll be disbarred. Like, she's, she actually argued what, like, you referenced early, she's like, you can't do that, you're gonna be disbar. And then we got the bit, one of the best things ever that we can't skip because this is next, absolute best, we've got the scene, that's every day, we got these pillow trucks from This'll Pay Off Later Incorporated, blocking the alleyway. And there's a guy, like, it's the Wayne's World scene all over again. Like, now we just got to make sure there's plenty of pillows on this truck in this alley at all times, just in case. And so then,

1:23:05 Sam: Yeah, yeah, God, it's the best, yeah,

1:23:05 Andrew: Yeah,

1:23:36 Sam: Yeah,

1:23:36 Thomas: But you're right, I actually do really like this scene where he's trying to sneak the files and he's looking obviously disgruntled. And then he, and then he notices there's like 47 surveillance cameras everywhere. And he never noticed that before. Like, why so many surveillance cameras everywhere in this office?

1:23:48 Sam: Yeah,

1:23:51 Andrew: I, love this scene, this is one of the few legally accurate scenes in the movie where Tom Cruise takes the files, goes into the copy room and is making copies himself and the copier is beeping at him and it requires this like ominous security code, and you know, and Tom Cruise is playing it like, oh my gosh, they've upped the security and they're on to me, but in reality, like, this is how every big firm handles copying, and you'd think they would reference it in the plot because right, the plot is all about gouging their clients, not to get too much of a spoiler here, but the reason you type in the client code is so that you can pass on the cost to the client, right? So if you copy 300 pages, right, it's not the firm eating that cost. The firm can say, oh, okay, like our record show, you know, Mitch McDeere made 300 copies for your file. So congratulations, you get to pay 300 at 25 cents a copy. And they mark that up too, by the way, like a lot of

1:24:06 Thomas: Yeah, it's so. You can charge it to an account, right? Right, yeah,

1:24:48 Andrew: Firms will also mark that that up, um, so it's

1:24:50 Thomas: So that, yeah, no, but it is a good scene, it's a little tense scene, like he tries to make the cut.

1:24:54 Andrew: Not ominous, you know, it's, yeah, anyway, that

1:24:55 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:24:56 Sam: The way the guy, what's his name, comes in from Portlandia and it's just like, you fucking idiot, you just got to put the, and then he says, you're trying to kill yourself, when he has the tiniest shaving cut on his face.

1:24:58 Thomas: Fred Armisen, yeah,

1:25:06 Sam: That makes no sense.

1:25:06 Thomas: That, that is a weird line. Yeah,

1:25:08 Sam: Blind made no sense, yeah, tiny,

1:25:06 Andrew: Was Weird

1:25:09 Thomas: I did not get that. They could have cut that easily. So that's why I said, but obviously disgruntled. He walks, they're like, we need Tom Cruise to be really disgruntLED. He looks too gruntLED normally. He needs to be completely disgruntLD. So he's got a shaving cut. He's like, are you trying to kill yourself? So then we've got, next up, there's a tense little scene. And then Holly Hunter has brought him some weird made-up sandwich. I don't know why she picked eggs.

1:25:23 Sam: Yeah. That's so weird,

1:25:33 Thomas: It was like a fucking No, yeah.

1:25:33 Sam: What was it, fried egg sandwich, yeah?

1:25:35 Thomas: I was like, bullshit, egg sandwich, something. And this tells him about Gary Busey being shot and somehow this is my favorite thing, somehow it's intriguing information that the killers who killed Gary Bucey are the same description as the one who killed Ted Kaczynski. Like, yeah, duh. Like, is he amazed? Like, oh, I can't believe there aren't more killers for this firm. Like, it's just the same two guys same

1:25:47 Sam: Yeah, yeah it's like they're trying to the audience to go like, wow, they really are bad. Like just in case you didn't get this, audience, they have killers, yeah Yeah, it wasn't just a random act of killing going on with the firm. They planned this. They hire specific people to do these murders.

1:25:59 Thomas: Yeah the same killers from before. Yeah. It's like why is that amazing? Yeah yeah so Then Wilford Brimley picks him up with the albino evil guy, evil-looking albano, and he takes him to like just the most murdery place ever. And he's, and and Tom Cruise is like kind of going along with it because he doesn't know, you know, quite what Wilford Brimley is on to. He's like, oh, I need to talk to you about the fact that you talked to the FBI or whatever. And so Wilford Brimley is blackmailing him with the photos of the completely obvious, obvious setup.

1:26:17 Sam: Yeah, yeah.

1:26:37 Thomas: You're just like, here, we got these blackmail photos. How did you not know this was a setup? Like, I'll be honest with you. This was just a total, we thought you'd pick up on this. I cannot believe we got this. We got these photos of you.

1:26:47 Sam: Yeah, he gives them the photos or whatever and then he keeps the photos. You know, it's like, why does he keep the photos? Yeah, he has them and then you like takes them with him and then they fall out when he shows up for the next scene and his wife almost grabs him.

1:26:51 Thomas: Oh, Tom Cruise does. Yeah. Oh yeah.

1:27:00 Sam: Why does he have the photos

1:27:00 Andrew: But they don't They don't display to anybody, right? Like that's that's just yet another like foreshadowing that never pays off.

1:27:06 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. Well, I think they should have put in like, Hey, uh, I mean, since you have those pictures, do you mind if I, you know, keep, keep them firm.

1:27:07 Sam: Yeah, it's so weird yeah Why would he want them like they could just make copies of them. I would have just been like, here you go, and given them back to them. Like, he doesn't think that these are the only copies, does he? Like that wouldn't make any sense.

1:27:14 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, I don't need these. Yeah that is really stupid.

1:27:25 Thomas: I didn't even pick up on that. You're right. It's stupid.

1:27:27 Sam: It's Like they just want that scene where he drops the photos and his wife almost gets them, and then he tells her 10 seconds later anyway. Like, that doesn't, that whole thing was so dumb. Uh,

1:27:31 Thomas: Yeah yeah yeah. So back At the firm. Next thing is the reason his wife's even involved, because they go back, right, back to the firm, and they need to see him right away. So it's all tense, and then they congratulate him on getting the second highest his score on the bar exam, so that was the whole tense setup.

1:27:50 Sam: You're not the smartest what

1:27:51 Thomas: Yeah, exactly. You're not the smartest person in the farm, you're the second smartest and then they they reveal his terrified wife. Yes,

1:27:52 Sam: Does so stupid go

1:27:57 Andrew: So do you do you need me to to jump in here and point out that of course you don't get told you get the second highest score in the bar exam, the bar example is pass fail, um, you can, you can figure stuff out

1:28:01 Sam: Ahead yeah yeah

1:28:01 Thomas: Sure yeah yeah only one other person has passed

1:28:10 Andrew: Yeah

1:28:11 Sam: One person passes and one fails

1:28:12 Andrew: Yeah

1:28:14 Thomas: Yeah, that's awesome

1:28:14 Andrew: And and when did he take this? By, like, it takes like three months to study for the bar exam, and then the bar exam is like a weekend, and like we've seen everything he's done since getting out of law school, right? Like, and we know we've seen everything you've done because the beer

1:28:15 Thomas: Yeah but he went to that one tax class thing. Well, how's that factory

1:28:29 Andrew: The beer is still pooling in the secret file room, right? And like there's definitely not been time for him to take a two day exam, there definitely has not been, and it takes like three months for that to be tabulated, so

1:28:30 Thomas: Yeah right

1:28:33 Sam: Yeah plus I was Gonna say, as soon as any test I've ever taken like that, it's like a year before they even get you the results. Anyway, it takes forever.

1:28:44 Thomas: Yeah that's funny But everybody in the firm's there celebrating him, his wife is terrified, fight, obviously something's wrong, but no one notices or whatever, and then, uh, then we cut to Holly Hunter at the same time. That's the thing that makes this movie so hard, so many scenes, like, cut through each other all the time. Holly Hunter's renting out some office space for some, something they're hatching, I think, to copy files in, and then it cuts to Tom Cruise swearing in as a lawyer, and this is great, because it hits the, "I will maintain confidence and preserve secrets of my evil firm clients at all costs. I will never reveal anything wrong. So, like, that's the part of the oath.

1:29:09 Sam: Yeah it just hammers at home that he's can't do it. He can't violate this privilege.

1:29:21 Thomas: Yeah, exactly. No matter how murdery my clients are, I will never, ever tell on them, ever. Yeah. Is that accurate, Andrew? Is that pretty standard lawyer swarming?

1:29:31 Andrew: No, can I point out, they actually do do this nice little swearing in ceremony after you pass the bar, uh, plus one point for that, minus several million for the rest of this movie.

1:29:32 Sam: Do they even do a swearing thing like that? A ceremony? Hmm. That's cool. Yeah.

1:29:32 Thomas: Yeah.

1:29:44 Thomas: So, now they're at, this is the part you've been referencing. Now they're at a restaurant. He and his wife, we don't know why, maybe celebrating this, we we don't know.

1:29:51 Andrew: Can I Just point out, if it's this easy for them to go to a restaurant and have a conversation, like, why did we go through the whole rigmarole with turning up the music in the house, like, why didn't he just come home and be like, "Hey honey, let's go out to a restaurant"? And anyway, sorry,

1:29:58 Sam: Yeah.

1:29:51 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And now he finally

1:30:04 Sam: Wang brothers on me, or whatever it was. Wang... Wang brother?

1:30:05 Andrew: Yeah. Yeah.

1:30:05 Thomas: Yeah. Wong, Wong brothers, or Yeah. And you know, it's, I think we've done a disservice by not talking about the wife this whole time, because the, the, I think a major plot point is that you don't know if she's good looking or not, or was this just me? Like, it's Just one scene she's kind of good looking, the next she's horrible, like, like, I just can't really, it's a really weird, she's got a weird look. One thing that's weird about her is her lip, like she's got some weird upper lip, like divot that's in the center of her, like it's, it's bizarre. I just had to, I forgot to point that out.

1:30:08 Andrew: Right, I

1:30:37 Sam: I think she was actually cast really well, because she's like a... like your first girlfriend, or you're like the girl next door, sort of, but...

1:30:41 Thomas: Yeah. Before you started making $96,000 at Bendini, murder and lie.

1:30:47 Sam: Yeah. Like...

1:30:47 Andrew: I Totally agree because let me tell you like, like that's a Harvard law, like eight and a half, right? Like, you know, maybe, maybe a nine, like, you know, baby, a six. Oh yeah. But like, yeah, the Harvard law there's not the pickings are slim. So I agree.

1:30:54 Sam: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh.

1:30:59 Thomas: Yeah. Right. Right. So now they're at a restaurant and he decides he's going to tell her about the affair because probably because, you know, he wants to ruin or not let them be able to blackmail him or something. So what I thought the first thing I thought of was the wife asking, like, was was her lip as weird as mine? Like, there's a question. But yeah, they didn't ask that. No?

1:31:25 Sam: I like that scene, that it was kind of cool that he just decided like, fuck that, I'm just gonna tell her. Like, I thought it was kinda

1:31:29 Thomas: Yeah. That made sense. Yeah. And so then there's an evil partner meeting again. We get the evil, I love this, the evil room full of evil partners about Tom Cruise's brother. So, and this is, this is actually where I had that note of like, hmm, for being a super evil secret firm, they sure didn't vet, you know, Mitch McDeere about his brother. Like how, how easy is that? It's really funny. So now he's, this Is Greatest. We We get, he walks, Tom Cruise is walking home and he walks by the flippy kid, but it's a sad time. So there's no, he doesn't do any backflips.

1:31:30 Sam: Cool. Yeah.

1:31:45 Sam: No.

1:32:01 Sam: Flipping, yeah.

1:32:02 Thomas: Yeah. He's walking home. Sadly and flip and the kid flips, but he's not flipping. So that's how you know something's wrong with Tom Cruise when he is not doing backflips.

1:32:02 Sam: Yeah.

1:32:02 Andrew: Sure. It's the only thing that they foreshadowed that actually paid off. Well, no, that that that I'm sorry, that and the truck full of pillows.

1:32:11 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, the kid like the kid kid like kind of notions to the hat, like any, any, uh, no. And then, well, actually, yeah,

1:32:17 Sam: Yeah, Yeah,

1:32:17 Andrew: But Yeah, I really did I really didn't think, because, like, wouldn't at the point in which you are, because I, I've gone through this part in my life, like, at the moment in which you're feeling like really dejected and miserable, like, isn't that the time when you want to like drop a 20 into the hat, like you know, and you want to be like, oh, well, at least I did something good today. I. Yeah,

1:32:36 Sam: Did

1:32:37 Thomas: Yeah. Good call. I forgot to make that joke in the beginning. I was going to say like, uh w like, why wasn't the black kid like, dude, can you fucking, this is my shtick. Like I'm doing flips. I'm trying to get some fucking money. Why are you out flipping me? I'm I'm, I live on the street. You're obviously a rich lawyer, dude. You can't let me have this.

1:32:41 Sam: Yeah, me too. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:32:49 Andrew: But

1:32:57 Sam: I can't even have this Yeah.

1:32:58 Thomas: Yeah. I'm the flippy kid that this is, I make $5 a day.

1:33:00 Sam: Yeah, Does he put money in his hat and the first part? No, that's what I thought. Yeah, yeah.

1:33:02 Thomas: No, he doesn't. He never does. Yeah. Oh, I forgot to make that joke. But anyway, so he's, he's I've never seen Tom Cruise this sad cause he's not flipping. So, wow.

1:33:11 Sam: Well, that's when the audience is like, holy shit, like he might not be able to pull through this whole situation, like if he can't even do his flips and stuff. Yeah, I started to get worried, like, he's not gonna pull this off. He's, you know, we gotta see Tom, like all right, it's not that bad, Tom, you can do this, like, you can get through this. Do a few flips

1:33:15 Thomas: Yeah, yeah. When you see Tom Cruise, not back flipping. Yeah. Yeah. You need to get, I need to give back to the super fast arm pumping running Tom. That's what I need to get back to you. So yeah.

1:33:28 Sam: Yeah, I thought it would be awesome if he did like one backflip and then kind of stopped and then was like, yeah, yeah, and the the kid is just like, oh, yeah, wow, something's really wrong here, yeah, here, take this hat and wear it. I don't know, I'll find a bag or something. I don't need this hat.

1:33:36 Thomas: Yeah. He does like one slow one. It's like, ah, just, uh, not feeling it, man. Yeah, the kid gives him a 20, like, here, take this money. Yeah. Oh, man, so next is, uh, Holly Hunter and him, like, exchange briefcases, and so this is their little plan, like, he, in the elevator, uh, she has a fake office to, you know, like, copy these files. That's kind of cool, that's their plan and

1:34:01 Andrew: This is the point where, in my notes, I have written, when, when and why did this become a heist movie? Because all of a sudden, like, from this point forward, you have all the like kind of Ocean's Eleven type stuff where, you know, they're switching the bags and they're going through this and that, and it's just like somebody watched like a heist movie and was like, those are cool things to have in a movie, but you see him in Holly Hunter's office, like, the next 10 scenes, right so why do they have to like, right, why do they haveと like, switch briefcases in the elevator and like where's Holly Hunter's budget for all of this, right, like, yeah,

1:34:23 Thomas: Because, because you just, I mean, he's got to copy the files somehow, I mean, come on, how else is he gonna come yeah he could just bring the files yeah good call good call yeah

1:34:38 Sam: Yeah. And that's what I was going to ask. Who's paying for the renting? Did you notice the scene where she rents out the place? The lady's like, oh, she's like I'll take it. And the lady goes, oh who is it made out to? And she just gives her a fake name. Like there's no paperwork.

1:34:43 Thomas: Yeah yeah she says, like maid service, or something. What did she say?

1:34:52 Sam: Yeah, there's not paperwork. There's like oh okay cool it's yours. We don't have to fill anything out. There are no background checks or credit checks.

1:34:53 Thomas: Yeah she's like, I'll just write down maid service on the place where it says money, like, where is this coming from. Yeah,

1:35:00 Sam: Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

1:35:02 Andrew: And No, and Tom Cruise is like, so after Holly, Holly Hunter is like, well, it just so happens Gary Busey had all this like high powered spy equipment, which, OK, he's a P.I., that's fine, and he's like, OK, well, you know, procure a van and listen to my next instructions. And I'm sitting there thinking, like, she's an unemployed secretary and you're the high powered Harvard lawyer. Like, dude, maybe you should be buying the van to

1:35:18 Sam: Yeah.

1:35:17 Thomas: Yeah yeah I love how she's super competent. She's a fucking, she was an assistant, yeah, a little secretary to a like a con artist kind of PI that was in jail, yeah, an ex-con because we all know those, yeah, exactly, we all know those women are super competent like spies and stuff, yeah yeah

1:35:31 Andrew: To Gary Bucey, to Gary Busy.

1:35:29 Sam: Yeah an ex-con. Yeah yeah yeah. If you were Tom Cruise you'd be like I'm gonna trust this person a hundred percent.

1:35:42 Thomas: Ja.

1:35:42 Sam: We're just gonna let her run this whole thing. Yeah, I was thinking, was it assumed that he was paying for that, and if so, the firm would know, like, everything he's spending all his money on, every, like, he could, you know, how would you do that? Anyway, whatever, it's not that important, but it was kind of

1:35:44 Thomas: I guess I don't know. Not that boy. So next

1:35:54 Andrew: Maybe maybe he gets the plot resolved in a month and has put it all on, you know, the credit cards, the bill won't come due until then, I don't know, but

1:35:58 Sam: Yeah yeah

1:35:55 Thomas: Yeah so the next scene is he's meeting with this black client with a terrible haircut about the overbilling, which, yeah, yeah it's a, it's both bald and a haircut somehow like

1:36:06 Sam: It's not even a haircut, it's like the weirdest baldness I've ever seen. He has like an L-shaped hair thing going around his head.

1:36:16 Thomas: Yeah he was, he told, he told his stylist, like, I'm bald but also give me a haircut somehow, like, I don't know how, but it's in his skin or something, it's weird. So this is where you can start talking about the overbilling plot if you'd like

1:36:21 Sam: Yeah

1:36:27 Andrew: Yeah so all right, so even if, even if you're not a lawyer, like, it's not a good sign when a movie is like, oh, by the way, we're going to introduce a new plot 95 minutes in, um, but the new plot is the firm is secretly overbilling its clients based on what the attorneys actually bill. And we know this because one of the clients calls up Tom Cruise to complain about the overbill. So let me start with the like billion ways in which this doesn't happen, right? So the first is a firm, would, like, the whole way that big firms work is by tying your bonuses and your compensation as an associate to the number of hours that you bill over the course of the year.

1:37:14 Andrew: Right. So if anybody has the incentive to inflate their numbers, right, it's the associate. Right? And the way you would do that at murder, death, culty, tax evasion law, LLC, is you would just like you would there be a seat like you could have had this scene. It's their movie. I don't know why they didn't. Where like, they look at it in scrutiny. And I like they they pull Tom Cruise like Hal Holbrook pulls Tom Cruise into the office and is like, you know, Mitch, you only build one hundred and thirty eight hours last month. And Tom Cruise will say, well, I did do all this bar prep that you wanted me to do. And then we'll be like, well I don't really care how you get that total up to 200, but we expect you to get that up to two hundred and you

1:37:24 Thomas: Yeah yeah because the whole plot ends up being like you compare the time sheets to the bill and it's different, like, how did no one ever do that so stupid

1:38:01 Sam: Why would exactly that's what I was going to say is they would never have, you would never have a firm that was dealing in illegal activity and murdering people that would just leave paperwork showing that the associate billed a certain amount of hours yeah yeah is it

1:38:16 Andrew: Even. No, it's, it's worse than that, right, they're dealing and murdering and killing people and they have a side business of also bilking their client five percent, right?

1:38:06 Thomas: Yeah yeah exactly it's like two hours here and there nickel and diming

1:38:25 Sam: Worth it yeah yeah

1:38:24 Andrew: Like that's that's like that't like we have, we're we're in the mafia, like, we do this, and by the way, on the side, like, you know, we, we also sell unlicensed alcohol, I mean, like, what it just makes, it's just, it cannot and they, and the discrepancy here is they've changed his bill from 28 hours to 33 hours right so when I say like that, that's literally, right, yeah, that cannot possibly be a profitable business model for a murder-death firm.

1:38:32 Sam: Yeah exactly we have child pornography on everyone's computers yeah

1:38:45 Thomas: Yeah 15 it's so stupid. Yes, I want to see that, yeah, where was the pitch meeting for this in the evil partner meetings like hey, we're making a killing on all these murders and criminals that we're doing, I found a way we can make an extra we can pocket an extra 200 bucks a piece like every month, there's like all

1:38:59 Andrew: Yeah, right.

1:38:59 Sam: Yeah we're leaving money on the table, yeah

1:39:09 Andrew: And can I add, yet again, this is another, okay, now we're forgetting, like, instead of Andrew being in the role of Mitch McDeere, now Andrew's in the roll of Hal Holbrook here. So I'm evil chairman of murder-death firm incorporated. And we get into, this is now one hour and what, 28 minutes in the movie. And here's how I could resolve the rest of this plot in eight seconds, which is we'll have the firm meeting. And one of the other lawyers says, so why don't we start padding our bills by 5% to 15% to increase our revenues marginally? And I'll say, that sounds like a fantastic idea. Since partners are the ones who send out the final bills and we have the authority to adjust how time is allocated, I'll just make sure that every partner gets the instruction to adjust their associates allocation up by 5 to 15 percent. Okay, we good here? Yeah. And by the way, throw away the original timesheets

1:39:24 Sam: Yeah

1:39:24 Thomas: Right, yeah yeah it's

1:40:06 Andrew: That your associates fill in.

1:40:06 Thomas: So stupid like

1:40:06 Sam: Shred everything you

1:40:07 Thomas: They're the, which

1:40:08 Andrew: Or tell your secretary.

1:40:08 Thomas: Are they put all their efforts into Wilford Brimley being the best security man in the world, like, like, if they put a fraction of that effort into pulling off these crimes, we'd have no problem

1:40:19 Sam: Know, one thing that we sort of overlook too, when he meets with the guy with the terrible hair, he delivers a line that's, it's like, you billed me for 33 hours and there's no way you worked 33 hours on my account this last... How the fuck would he know that? There's no Way he would know that.

1:40:30 Andrew: Right. Yeah. Right?

1:40:31 Thomas: Yeah he worked 28, like he knew the difference between 28 and 33, yeah

1:40:34 Sam: Yeah. Were you watching me working? Like, how the fuck did you know how many hours I spent on that? So weird.

1:40:39 Thomas: Not only

1:40:39 Andrew: Yeah, it did. Before we leave this, so number one, like, remember, there are going to be multiple lawyers working on this client's account, right? Right. Because Mitch McDeere is one week out of law school and no like it's he just passed the bar yesterday. So that month of work beforehand, like he's not even allowed to call himself a lawyer. It's true. You have to, like, it's, like, until you're admitted, you have to put a little asterisk on your thing that says, you know, admission to the bar of X pending, like, blah, blah, bla, blah. And so he can't even call himself a lawyer. He, so there are other people supervising this. You would not, as the client, look and be like, oh, OK, like, I'm going to take the bottom associate on this list for whom I'm paying the least amount of money and I'm gonna call that guy and harangue him

1:40:41 Thomas: Right. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah. So

1:40:52 Sam: Yeah. Yeah.

1:41:28 Andrew: And get him to fix it. Right, like, that's like saying I'm going to start off with the like, you know, talking to somebody, being like, do you have an underling to whom I can talk because I really need to fix this problem. No, no, somebody under that, you would start, you would call up the partner, right, like it's it's it's horrible and stupid and wrong

1:41:28 Thomas: Dumb. Yeah. It really makes no sense on any level.

1:41:43 Sam: The way he the way the guy delivers to Tom Cruise is like it's like sort of a nuisance, it's not even like he's saying hey, you guys are breaking the law, like I could have you all arrested right now, so you better fix all of this refund all my money, yeah

1:41:46 Andrew: Yeah

1:41:48 Thomas: Yeah,. Yeah. He's saying that he's he's saying, yeah, like, hey, I know I'm not a huge client, but you're breaking the law, blah, blah, blah. But he's like, the attitude, like you're saying, is he can't do anything about it. He's like trying to get you on the phone.

1:42:04 Sam: Yeah you guys are jerks, yeah and there's no other lawyers I could hire, you're the only one, so I'm stuck with you, so it's kind of annoying that you're charging me too much, yeah yeah it's just like oh, oh, hey, there's this kind of nuisance thing, and also I want to tell you all the facts about it to help you out with your thing that you're dealing with it's so dumb yeah I

1:42:21 Andrew: Yeah

1:42:06 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I couldn't like call the authorities or something or like tell anybody. That's weird. Yeah? Weird. So that's the worst subplot ever. That's a good point. Now, my next note says, oh, with the pianos going, the evil murder firm firm doesn't seem so bad. I just love it. Like the tone of the piano during like, we just find out like somebody died and it'd be like, uh, it's

1:42:31 Sam: Love

1:42:31 Andrew: Yeah, I

1:42:39 Sam: The line, I think we kind of passed it up, sorry, I'm going back a little bit, but when he tells his wife that he cheated on her, whatever, she's, she says to him, who does that, which is perfect, exactly right, like who does dat, who would go on a trip and just like, you know, sleep with another woman immediately on the beach, like instantly, I love that, I laughed at that so so hard, it was so good yeah she says who does that, who's like a lawyer that has integrity, that finished top of his class, and the first time he leaves to go somewhere, he, he just sleeps with this woman on the random stranger on the beach that like oh, and she tells sorry I'm going way back

1:42:42 Thomas: Okay.

1:42:57 Thomas: Who does that? Yeah. Tom Cruise does that. Yeah.

1:43:10 Thomas: Well, I don't know. I was pretty turned on by the Greco Roman style that she was wrestling this guy.

1:43:12 Sam: Yeah well she was super hot but I thought I forgot to mention this, but she also says that she's, you know, she basically admits she's like an escort, doesn't she, like she's a prostitute

1:43:15 Thomas: Yeah, no. Well that was okay. That was really confusing because no, no, but then she says right after that, she says, I work for a travel agency. Remember?

1:43:24 Andrew: Think she says for money at the end right, I

1:43:32 Thomas: Like it doesn't make any sense.

1:43:25 Sam: Yeah yeah yeah but I think she's trying to say like I got into this for the right reasons but now I'm a prostitute like and then he's like okay, I'll just have sex with you, prostitute on the beach, like there's no diseases or anything I could get it just makes no sense

1:43:36 Thomas: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Yep.

1:43:41 Andrew: Just I just yeah yeah, I thought the person who wrote the first line did not read the second line, so

1:43:43 Sam: Yeah

1:43:47 Thomas: Um, so anyway, we're back. God is so long, but it's all solid. So now we're meeting.

1:43:53 Andrew: So

1:43:47 Sam: Anyway that's good, I'd rather listen to this than watch a stupid ass movie again

1:43:56 Thomas: Yeah it's long. It's going to be longer than the movie. It. Can you believe that?

1:43:59 Sam: Yeah well that's, we're doing, we're up, we're uh, upping them, screw you, we can do two and a half half hours on your shitty two and a half hour movie

1:44:02 Thomas: It's true. Yeah. So now we're meeting with Mr. Clean slash chemotherapy at Harris and Cruz has some demands for his cooperation. So he's like, you know, I need $1.5 million and free my brother. And in order to do this, he records with the spy equipment you referenced. He records Chemo at Harris just being an asshole and being like, oh, I could kill you and do whatever, beat you up and no one, okay, whatever, right

1:44:10 Sam: Yeah yeah yeah

1:44:29 Andrew: So is it even worth me pointing out that, like, the entire plot of this movie, such as it is, the entire moral arc of this move, is supposed to be Tom Cruise wants a good life, but he's not willing to break the law to get there, and even if the law is the imaginary law that they've made up for purposes of this moving that says you you that says can't you know, turnover secret files from the mafia to the police, so that's, that's his moral arc, but yet in furtherance of that goal he's got no problem illegally wiretapping and blackmailing a federal agent, right like that's cool, like it's only certain those laws are good, but like God help me if I copy

1:44:39 Sam: He

1:44:43 Thomas: Imaginary policy where he can't tell yeah yeah that's fine yeah

1:45:10 Andrew: A file, uh yeah

1:45:11 Thomas: Yeah

1:45:12 Sam: Can ask the government to illegally just give him a million and a have dollars and release his brother who's supposed to be in jail, yeah, that's fine, that's because it's for him yeah, and it's blackmail

1:45:19 Thomas: Yeah and

1:45:19 Andrew: This is blackmail right I don't know if I don't know where they're in, uh, what Tennis, well, well, they're at that racetrack. I don't know where the hell they are there. I think they're still in Tennessee. I don't know if Tennessee is a two party consent state for recording somebody, but like, so it may or may not be illegally recording somebody. But he's definitely blackmailing a federal agent and he's okay with that crime.

1:45:41 Sam: Yeah it's almost worse than the original thing he's involved in, yeah it' much worse

1:45:44 Thomas: You'll

1:45:45 Andrew: It's much worse. It's MUCH worse. Like if, if you have, and remember, I didn't even go through this, like everybody keeps saying, oh, and if you reveal privileged information you'll get disbarred, like that's not true, like if you review privileged information they will open up an attorney grievance commission or whatever it's called in your state, like they'll open up disciplinary proceedings against you, but like they're a whole

1:45:49 Sam: Yeah

1:46:06 Thomas: Be like yeah, I was working for an evil mafia firm. And they'll be like,

1:46:07 Andrew: Yeah they're all range

1:46:09 Sam: See I thought They'd go up to him and just like rip a thing off of his jacket like

1:46:10 Thomas: Oh, okay.

1:46:10 Andrew: Of their all range of options yeah yeah you're off the case like

1:46:14 Thomas: He wears a bar on his jacket and then they disbar it.

1:46:16 Sam: Yeah yeah yeah on his lapel, yeah

1:46:16 Andrew: Yeah that's why that's actually why it's called admitted to the bar, and they put a little, yeah, um no, and and so just imagine this, right, like you have two different proceedings against two different lawyers, and one revealed client confidentiality, the other recorded and blackmailed a government agent out of a million and a half dollars, like this, of course you'd disbar the second one, so but you know, I I know before

1:46:22 Sam: The bar, mm-hmm yeah

1:46:21 Thomas: Oh, okay, yeah, hmm, yeah. That's awesome. So, now he comes home and his wife lives on this lawn chair now. She's not going in the house. Yeah, whatever it is, porch swing, yeah? Yeah, okay fine

1:46:47 Sam: The porch swing yeah or whatever it is, yeah

1:46:51 Andrew: We do lawn swing why are we so convinced, like, we, we've, they've bugged every inch of the house, but like, yeah, back porch, no, no right like it's Memphis, it's like sunny 10 months out of the year, and I, like, no, nobody ever talks about anything on the lung eye like anyway so yeah so

1:47:05 Sam: Yeah yeah

1:46:58 Thomas: Yeah yeah they could have easily bugged the fucking, yeah, exactly, so uh now where she's leaving him over this is what's so funny about her, like we've already kind of said she's, he's working for a murder firm and she's still mad about the, like, you had sex with a, you know, prostitute in the Cayman Island, like she can't get over that part of it, but she's not terribly concerned about the murder firm, like I would just be like, holy shit, we work for a murderer her firm and we both might die, like that would be what I would be concerned with, but no, she's not, she's like, she can't get over the, you know, prostitute, that was an obvious setup, she, so she's got to leave and she's pissed about that so she's leaving him, and then she's like, oh, I'll pretend my mom is sick so that you, that's what the firm will think I'm doing, so now Crews investigate the next scene is a great montage that we've already kind of referenced where he's investigating a bunch of the most obvious overbilling that that any client would have easily figured out easily.

Like you've got these documents of timesheets that just don't match the bottom line bill. Like it's the most haphazard. Like you said, you could easily do that better, but, uh, but that's that montage we get now.

1:47:09 Andrew: Yeah

1:47:32 Sam: So the government wants him to copy all the, they say that because, so when he first meets the FBI, they're like, we, he's like, why don't you just indict them? Like, they have, they know everything that they're doing, that the firm is doing, all the illegal activity. They're like no, we can't do anything because we don't have any account balances. Like that's, that's the only thing stopping them.

1:48:20 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Or something. Yeah. They need something.

1:48:30 Sam: Yeah, it's just like account statements. Otherwise they have no case at all. So they're trying to get him to copyright. Copy all of that. And then once this new thing is introduced about the overbilling, then it's sort of, there's just so much copying going on, he's training, he wants to copy this and that, yeah, he's just copying everything but you don't but he can't even decide, like, he's trying to do both because, like, he said he's decided now he wants not only be involved with this firm that's breaking the law, but he also wants to break the law on his own by, uh, whatever, you said of the FBI. So he's copying everything to use against both parties. He just wants to be completely, completely fucked in every way possible with his whole life, so

1:48:42 Thomas: There's a lot of copying. Yeah. Reams of paper.

1:48:43 Andrew: And- Oh- I-

1:49:03 Thomas: Yeah. So now we're back we got another uh, jail meeting where Holly Hunter is meeting the brother, and is this how prison meetings work? They're just in the middle of a giant, just bar, is that how, that, I thought normally there's the scene where they're on the telephones, you know, with the glass, but this jail or prison yeah, like, apparently they meet in the middle of a, like, what, what even is it? It's like some sort of causeway with bars around, it's a a bizarre place to be meeting, but that's where they do their prison meetings.

1:49:05 Andrew: It, so move on it,

1:49:21 Sam: Tennessee you know, the

1:49:32 Andrew: Looked it looked to me like the same set from Terminator 2 when they're in the psychiatric hospital, um, but maybe, maybe that, that's just me, but, like, they clearly for all of, like, the money that went to the actors in this movie, there's, there are, like, four sets in this entire movie um, and and downtown Memphis looks an awful lot like Chicago, like I mean, it definitely, it's like gray and overcast and yeah, anyway, the

1:49:40 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So now the plan is for Holly Hunter to copy the files while Gene Hackman is diving. So in the Cayman. So she's going to go kind of be there and he's going dive and she's gonna sneak in and copy files. So the

1:50:10 Sam: Files that were in the closet that he discovered like yeah, this

1:50:11 Thomas: Murder closet. Yeah. And the murder file closet.

1:50:14 Andrew: The beer the the beer

1:50:15 Sam: Is this is important yeah yeah

1:50:17 Andrew: Soaked murder closet let us not forget that

1:50:18 Sam: Insect, rat infested. He's like, did, did your old, uh, bounty hunter boss have a bunch of, like, bug spray and mousetraps, because you're gonna need those too? Yeah.

1:50:27 Thomas: So now the wife is at her last day of school because she's going to leave or whatever. And once again, there's a bunch of murdering going on, but she's worried about cheating. So she's going to leave. And she's essentially like, good luck trying to not be murdered and have our whole families be murdered. I'm going to be somewhere else because you had sex with someone else. But anyway, at the school, Gene Hackman stops by and he asks her to go to the Caymans with him. And this is crucial. She finds out he's not actually going to go diving. So now she knows this, but they can't contact Mitch Mitch McDeere. And so now she tells Tammy, which is Holly Hunter, that he's not diving and they don't know what to do.

1:51:14 Sam: I- don't know if you know this, but you can't dive and fly within 24 hours. None of you know that? They may have mentioned that 7 or 8 times during the movie

1:51:16 Thomas: Yeah. Right. Yeah,

1:51:21 Andrew: And why is the assumption that unless he goes diving, he's never going to leave the the hotel in the Caymans, I- I couldn't get that, and again, this is more, like, this is all totally heist movie stuff, right? Like, we've got the, like, quick cuts back and forth from, like, Holly Hunter on the phone with Mitch, and then she's on the phone with the brother, and then they're on the phone with the guy who runs the body disposal operation who, for some reason, has become a co-conspirator, like, I, I couldn't follow any of this

1:51:25 Thomas: Yeah, exactly. It's weird.

1:51:26 Sam: Yeah

1:51:35 Thomas: Yeah yeah.

1:51:45 Thomas: The the diving guy. Well, because he wants to get to the bottom of why his son was killed in that freak diving boat explosion. So that's why he's cooperating. So now. But yeah, to go along along with what you just said, my next note was, oh wait, the piano's picking up. That means they must have a plan for how to get around this particular barrier. Because once the piano player starts going, that's when you know they have an idea. And the wife is going to, and the idea is the wife has going to go to the Caymans to fix this whole thing where, you know, he's not actually going to die. So Ed Harris takes the brother, is now releasing the brother from jail. And the bad news though, because Brett Favre is working as a prison guard and he notices, notices.

1:52:27 Thomas: He kind of takes note that, oh, he's leaving without cuffs. The brother is being released. So, and then, so, so Ed Harris is talking to Tom Cruise and he's like, okay, I got your brother. And he's, like, no, I need half the money. You got to send it to this bank account. And then Tom Cruise will send the files at that point. So Ed Harris lets the brother go.

1:52:46 Andrew: By the way, at the moment you do that, that's yet another federal crime that our hero has committed. Keep going, the

1:52:52 Thomas: The moment you do what, what now?

1:52:53 Sam: Creating an option

1:52:54 Andrew: Moment. That you, you take, take $750,000 from the government on promise to do something that you never do. Spoiler, end of the movie. Like that's theft of $750 thousand from the government, which they frown on,

1:52:58 Sam: Yeah yeah

1:53:05 Thomas: Right, right. Yeah. So now the, yeah, and this is, and like you said, this is the, uh, since it's a heist movie, the scenes are really quick. So this is about the worst movie we could have picked to try to recap, but that's okay. The wife is at the cave. It's a Jean Hackman's being super creepy. She's like really trying not to be creeped out for the sake of the heist. But like, she's just, my note here is that she's like, he's kind of hitting on her and she's straight up actually barfing on the table. Like, no, no keep I'm into I'm into this. I swear. Okay. No, I'm into it. I'm going along with you. Like, yeah. Keep hitting on me, Gene Hackman. Come on. Here we go.

1:53:32 Andrew: Which is which is weird, because if you go back to we didn't talk about the scene where Gene Hackman first hits on her in the schoolyard, but like he's he's actually pretty good in that scene. Right.

1:53:55 Thomas: Yeah. Well, I mentioned it. But yeah, he invites her to the Caymans at that scene.

1:53:56 Andrew: Sorry. Sorry.

1:53:55 Sam: Well, He's got this whole Like, poor me, I really do love my wife, but she doesn't like me, so that's why I cheat on her constantly with other women, and it's fine, but I'm really miserable and like so

1:54:01 Andrew: Right. Right.

1:54:05 Thomas: Yeah Look, people deal with grief in different ways. That's yeah

1:54:09 Sam: Yeah.

1:54:10 Andrew: But I like the line of the like, you should come to the caverns with me. And if anything else, like I take rejection. Well, like, I thought that was a pretty clever line.

1:54:16 Thomas: Oh, yeah, and that's the thing. Like Gene Hackmas fucking awesome. Like he's such a good actor that I it's He does a good job with this script. Like, I really, really like him in this movie.

1:54:20 Andrew: Yeah. Yeah.

1:54:18 Sam: That Was good. Yeah. Yeah. It's Amazing, how unbelievable that is that he would do that, or that she would even talk to him, or not call the police, but they do kind of pull that off, like, his character is interesting Enough and weird enough to where, like, okay, that's that sort of could happen, I guess, and you know, he's nice, he has some sort of charm, even if he's not attractive, exactly, that to where not like she would go if it wasn't for the whole heist, but he's Every told, yeah.

1:54:25 Thomas: Yeah, He pulls it off. Yeah, yeah. Well, his name is Every toll lawyer, so So he's every man's toller, and, uh, the brother, now the, during all this, the brother's at some weird trucker diner, and he's being followed by the people, because their plan is to pick him back up, like, as soon as they have the files, they're going to pick the brother back up and arrest him again, but he escapes really easily, somehow he just knew all this, and then Ed Harris, this is the, the weirdest, this is one of the more confusing things to me, Ed Harris calls Tom Cruise and was like, "Damn it, we lost your brother." It's like, why would he tell him that they were trying to follow him in secret, like, why did he call Tom Cruise to tell him, I do, I do not understand what the character, yeah, right, yeah,

1:55:23 Sam: Well, Yeah. Not only that, but they're trying to make Tom Cruise think that he was released, like, he's totally a free man, so you're right away admitting, like, we didn't really release him, we just got him out on a, for a minute, and they were going to capture me, yeah, like, you said it doesn't make any sense, yeah.

1:55:34 Thomas: Really weird, yeah,

1:55:37 Andrew: I only have one note on the scene, which is there's still 40 minutes left in this movie.

1:55:42 Sam: God.

1:55:42 Thomas: God. I don't know how much longer is left in this episode. We're over two hours. Oh, my God. Anyway, now they're back in the Caymans. Smash cut back in the Cayman's. Gene Hackman is just, he's got, he's got game, and he's just fucking the hell out of Tom Cruise's wife. No, not really. He's, he's, she roofies him. And he's like slowly coming to terms with it because he's like, wait, there's no way this woman would ever be interested in me. So he's, like, wait, why are you really here? And then she comes up with a good excuse, which is like, I'm getting back to my husband and whatever. And my next note is Gene Hackmann's head is bigger than any known object in the universe because she, like, there she's like holding his head at some point, and her hands are like the size of his eyes, like, it's not even, it's insane.

1:56:15 Sam: So what, what, I want to say real quick is, what drug can you pick up from the pharmacy? Well, first off, she can call her doctor and be like, "Hey, prescribe me some kill" you know

1:56:21 Thomas: Oh. Is that what happened? I totally missed that, that's part of the heist montage, huh, oh, that's

1:56:29 Sam: Yeah. Yeah, she, she, because Holly Hunter goes to the pharmacy and picks up the pills on her behalf, like she says her name, whatever her name is. What's his wife's name?

1:56:38 Thomas: Right, yeah, Dr.

1:56:39 Andrew: Yeah. And it makes no sense because she could have picked him up herself. Yeah. Keep going. Sorry. Didn't mean.

1:56:41 Sam: No. Yeah. She picks them up and then whatever she got from the doctor, her doctor, whoever, she can just put that in a drink and it like, Yeah, it, something, I don't know what's, I'm not a doctor. We should have a doctor on here too, but can you put in a drink that just sort of makes somebody kind of be knocked out like after six hours, yeah.

1:56:49 Thomas: Roofie. Yeah.

1:56:59 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

1:57:01 Andrew: And And and let's just, but let's assume like that drug exists, now what, what call do you make to your doctor over the phone, like what symptoms can you describe you're like well

1:57:09 Sam: Yeah. Yeah.

1:57:09 Thomas: Hi. I've been feeling really not roofied, do you have anything for that? My symptoms include not passing out right now. Yeah.

1:57:13 Andrew: Yeah

1:57:20 Sam: So you could just call, don't make an appointment, they'll just give you like a controlled substance that

1:57:23 Thomas: Yeah, yeah.

1:57:21 Andrew: Yeah yeah Yeah, dr Dr. so-and-so, what I would like is, um, I would, would like to be twice my size and also male and pass out for 12 hours and I mean really, really good, can you prescribe me something for that yeah, thanks, but

1:57:24 Sam: Yeah

1:57:34 Thomas: Right, right.

1:57:33 Sam: Anything like that, that you mix with alcohol can kill you if you have just a little bit too much of what it is, you're dead, like there's, it'd be really tough to figure, okay, what's his weight, uh, what's this alcohol tolerance how many how many drinks did he have tonight?

1:57:42 Thomas: Yeah true. Yeah yeah well his head is gigantic. There's no way you're that yeah

1:57:51 Sam: Yeah, she could have easily murdered him.

1:57:52 Thomas: Yeah yeah.

1:57:54 Andrew: Remember, the whole point of the movie is nobody commits any crimes, so we could add this to the list. This is her first federal offense, uh, I

1:57:56 Sam: Yeah, true. Yeah. That's not a crime. Yeah yeah.

1:58:02 Thomas: Yeah, so now the, uh, the fucking night watchman, which is my favorite line, because there's a point where where Wilfred Brimley is like, what do you think I am, a fucking night watchman because, yeah, That was a good line and uh, but the fucking night watchman is on to them because, like, I guess she placed the call to Holly Hunter while in the house and he heard it, or something like it's kind of weird

1:58:03 Sam: Yeah it's awesome. Yeah I laughed at that every time.

1:58:21 Sam: Yeah I guess.

1:58:22 Andrew: Was never clear on what he recorded. Was that from the room like, I don't it that made no sense and

1:58:22 Thomas: Yeah yeah it's really bizarre but

1:58:25 Sam: Me neither. I couldn't figure it out either.

1:58:29 Andrew: Oh

1:58:29 Thomas: Anyway they're on to him and she, he's trying to get a hold of Gene Hackman, but he can't, and they're making copies while Gene, Gene Hackman is dead from that drug that they gave him. And

1:58:37 Sam: Sorry I have to back up a tiny bit. I remembered something you kind of skipped over. When she's holding his bulbous head in her arms or whatever ever, and he's starting to pass out. It's a little scary because he's starting to figure out that she's kind of set him up. But then, of course, the drug is timed perfectly to where he could pass out, like, at any second, or he could figure out what she's doing and rape her or kill her or something. But there's a point, I don't know if you guys noticed this, but there's the point where she kind of starts going along with it and, you know, she takes her clothes off, they take their clothes off.

Right before he passes out the first time, she's, she kisses him and I wrote a note of like, she would have had sex with him, like, she was going to have sex with them if he didn't pass out, she was, she changed over from, like, she felt, started feeling guilty for him because he started saying this stuff and she genuinely was like kissing him, like she was gonna go ahead and have sex them if she wasn't gonna pass out, but then, he luckily, he does, and so she

1:58:37 Thomas: Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah.

1:58:38 Andrew: Yeah

1:59:26 Sam: Doesn't have to but yeah

1:59:26 Thomas: Well, because she called the pharmacist and was like, Hi, I need a drug that right when I start getting kissed. Also, I'm a man and I need to pass out.

1:59:31 Sam: When when blood starts pumping to my penis, I want to pass out right about that time What?

1:59:35 Andrew: Right

1:59:37 Thomas: He's like, I've got the perfect thing. It's ready at the pharmacy now, you can pick it up, and tell you what, you don't have to pick it up, anyone who says there you can take it up, yeah it's a little weird

1:59:43 Andrew: Yeah

1:59:38 Sam: Do you got for that yeah yeah is it a problem that I won't actually be picking up this controlled substance. Oh, no, okay good

1:59:46 Thomas: Nope no problem fine yeah really weird. Uh, so, so they make copies, but now there's a problem because there's no amounts in the secret murder files, like, that's the problem with these secret murder piles they're like, oh, but there's like a password on them, so yeah

1:59:49 Sam: Yeah oh god so stupid no no, Tom Cruise knows to tell her to look, like, yeah he's like just look

2:00:05 Thomas: Yeah he's like he's like, so there's no amounts, is there any, like, plot device written on those files, like, is there any obvious

2:00:12 Sam: Why would okay so you guys know the password is his wife's name, obviously, because they mentioned it a couple times. Why would he need that to be on the paperwork? It's his password. He knows the password. Like he had to write his own password that's his wife's name all over the paperwork. Makes no sense. Anyway.

2:00:13 Thomas: Yeah yeah yeah it's so weird and Why do you have the amounts that are apparently important in the computer but not in the secret murder files, like I don't, what, what is any of of this, I don't yeah what is it, I don't yeah

2:00:35 Sam: Yeah. What exactly are you storing in there? Yeah.

2:00:40 Andrew: Yeah No, that's the thing, we don't need the secret murder files for anything the only thing we need to resolve the entire movie are the, like, three pieces of paper that Tom Cruise prints out in Avery's office back at the firm after all this, is after all of this has happened. Yeah, the entire murder room is entirely superfluous which

2:00:43 Sam: No. They're good for nothing.

2:00:54 Sam: Yeah, yeah,

2:00:43 Thomas: Yeah really weird so uh, okay, blah blah blah, she's getting the, he's getting the access to the secret files, she, so now it's next morning, she's been copying all, she's up all night copying, and she pretends they had sex last night, but he kind of knows it because, um, they talked to him and told him, like, that the woman, that the, the Wilford Brimley calls Gene Hackman and says, like, oh, they copied you, they stole your key, somehow they knew all that, and then so she's about to, like, you know, pretend they bone, and he's like, no, sorry, you don't have to do that, like, they're on to you, whatever, and she, he kind of has this, his character is kind of cool, he's kind of like has this redeeming moment where he's, like, here, I'll kind of help you out, and, um, she's like, oh, they're gonna, they're going to kill you, or whatever, and he is like, whatever they did to me, they did a long time ago, so that's kind, kind of a cool moment or whatever.

2:01:47 Andrew: Is, which is not true, because they do kill him, so

2:01:49 Thomas: Well, actually, I'm not sure. I wasn't sure if he committed suicide. I, oh, they do.

2:01:50 Andrew: Yeah

2:01:49 Sam: They totally kill him. Yeah but they got off the plane. They show him landing, the albino landing on the Cayman Islands and everything. So yeah, I'm sure he got murdered.

2:01:58 Thomas: Okay. Okay, so he got murdered.

2:02:00 Andrew: And, they say drowned in the bathtub. And I gotta tell you, that Gene Hackman does not kill himself in the bath tub there's no way.

2:02:05 Sam: No he

2:02:04 Thomas: Well but, but it's weird because the way, but the way Wilford Brimley, like why are they killing him? Because Wilford Brimley is like, oh, you know, how did they know to whatever? And he's like, oh it's some woman I slept with. Like why do they kill a partner who's apparently, they need people, right? Like the firm needs people. Even though, yeah, like even though they're under the impression, yeah

2:02:05 Andrew: Right. Yeah,

2:02:06 Sam: Would have gone Out diving, yeah.

2:02:22 Sam: They're killing off people left and right, yeah. They, there's only so many Tom Cruises you can bring in every year.

2:02:29 Thomas: They only get one top Harvard Law student per year, they're like, they think that Gene, that's why I thought it might have been suicide because they think Gene Hackman just got swindled by some chick, why do they kill him for that?

2:02:29 Sam: Yeah, they barely got him, yeah.

2:02:32 Andrew: Oh,

2:02:41 Thomas: Like what, but maybe not, but yeah I think the guy landing is totally, you're right, that's totally, I didn't notice that, yeah

2:02:41 Sam: That's a good point. I think he was murdered, but yeah, it makes no sense. There's no need to kill him, like anymore, you know? It's like, if, if you were in the firm, you'd be like, I want to watch you go to jail too, we can hang out in jail. Like, at least we could do that. He was he was a good soldier for the firm, him forever, like, why would you just knock him off? Yeah.

2:02:48 Thomas: Exactly, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, it's so stupid. Yeah, he's, he, he he's got a lot of top accounts. Like he's got, I mean, it was weird. So, uh, let's see where we are now.

2:03:02 Sam: Yeah, who's gonna run those counts when they're all in jail? I mean, geez, it

2:03:06 Thomas: Yeah so they know that he cut a deal because of the, there's this stupid fax that comes in from Brett Favre that rolls under the fax machine or whatever. And it says like, oh, Mitch McDeere's brother's released without cuffs some blah blah blah and so they know he cut a deal um Cruz is getting the secret files with the amounts but then Ed Harris calls him and is like oh get out of there because they know you know the facts they sent an unauthorized fax and it said uh you know Mitch McDeere is obviously a bad guy or something yeah

2:03:12 Andrew: God.

2:03:35 Sam: Was the prison guard, I didn't get that until the second time I watched it, yeah.

2:03:36 Thomas: Yeah Brett Favre the prison guard yeah yeah

2:03:38 Sam: Oh yeah, Brett Farr.

2:03:37 Andrew: There's There's yet another ridiculous law moment here because the whole way in which Tom Cruise, like Like, everybody, he's being summoned into the room where presumably Wilford Brimley is going to strangle him with his bare hands or something, right? Everybody's looking at him. Everybody knows he knows, you know, and he knows they know. And the secretary says, it's Judge so-and-so on the line.

2:03:52 Thomas: Yeah right you gotta call yeah Yeah. Yeah.

2:04:02 Sam: Yeah.

2:04:04 Andrew: And so he walks very slowly over to the phone and picks it up and says, "Hello." Below, which, did I, that may have bothered me more than any other thing in this movie because

2:04:13 Sam: He would have been like, "Judge, how the hell are you?"

2:04:15 Andrew: I I, because I have Right, I have a a friend of mine from law school who is a judge, and like when I talk to her in social events, right, I address her as Judge, right, not as Stephanie, right. Like, it's the one thing that every lawyer would do if you're faking that it's a call from a judge is you pick, pick up and you say, "Yes, your honor," or "Yes, judge," and they're like, he, he's like, "Hey, how's it hanging?" And you know.

2:04:17 Thomas: How's that jumper treating you? Yeah.

2:04:17 Sam: Yeah,

2:04:41 Thomas: Weird. But, but okay. So yeah. So yeah, he's, he gets the tip off from, from Ed Hairless that they're after him. They know about it, whatever. And he's got to run, but the problem is he's there on the second floor or whatever. If only there were some previously established pillow carrying truck just sitting in the alley. And fortunately there is, they laid that pipe early on so that he could, yeah, yeah.

2:04:44 Andrew: Yeah.

2:04:45 Sam: Yeah, what up?

2:04:53 Andrew: I

2:04:56 Sam: Yeah, It's The best I've been waiting all show for this. Yeah,

2:05:09 Thomas: He just jumps in the pillow truck. It's fine.

2:05:09 Sam: It is the best. Dude.

2:05:11 Andrew: I made, I made a Checkoff joke earlier that went flat, so I guess my note of this is Checkoff's betting truck is not uh gonna go over well either. So

2:05:18 Thomas: Yeah. What is that? I guess I don't get that joke.

2:05:21 Andrew: It's just, it's a um, it's a trope in the theater, it's, it's called Checkoff gun and it basically says anytime you see a close, close-up shot of a gun in act one of a movie, it will go off in act three, so yeah, yeah.

2:05:25 Thomas: Oh, okay. I get it. Go.

2:05:35 Sam: So When this movie was, I don't know, I guess it came from a book, but I don't know if the book was written the same way. When this movie was uh first developed, they were like, "Here's the scene, of the whole movie is Tom Cruise running through the firm in the second floor, they, we are going to establish that there's armed guards or something at the front door, the only way you can get out is by jumping out the window, so that's what we're going to have, Tom Cruise jumping out of the window into a soft truck of, of feathers, or what do you guys got, feathers, uh pillows, trash, the overfilled so they're like, "What we're gonna do is not only will we have a foreshadowing scene where a truck full of cotton pillows is in the way and the guard is yelling at him, but we're going to name it, what is it, the cotton, damn it, I wrote it down, cotton district or cotton, the whole building is named Yeah, The whole build, next to the firm's building, is name the cotton something, cotton exchange, exchange, cotton exchange, that's what it is."

2:06:00 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, the truck just sits there all day. God, it's so dumb.

2:06:01 Andrew: I have yeah, Oh Yeah, I totally forgot that. Yeah.

2:06:30 Thomas: It's named like easy landing cotton company.

2:06:30 Sam: And yeah, and uh, what's her name's office, Holly Holmes, uh, copying office is in the cotton. He says it then too, he goes, "Yeah, well, you know, it's in the cotton exchange," or "I've got a thing in the content exchange." Like, they've got, it's amazing, the whole that whole scene is set up through the whole movie, yeah.

2:06:37 Thomas: Holly Holm.

2:06:46 Thomas: Yeah, that's awesome. Just everything. They're like, we really need this to be established. We need this To Make Sense. So good. But it still is stupid when it happens. There's no amount of exposition in, like you said, Chekhov's gun or whatever. There is no amount that you can do that isn't ridiculous when he just jumps into a a cotton truck on the, so dumb.

2:07:05 Sam: God, in the City, yeah, because a lot of cotton places where they sell and ship cotton are in the middle of the city, like that's where, where they do it. It's the weirdest thing, but why couldn't he just run down the stairs and do some backflips? It would have been amazing if they paid off the backflops, he just starts backflipping down the stairs all the way out the lobby, yeah, yeah, yeah, or

2:07:06 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah, he does the backflip and he would he would have to line it up like. No, I got it, I got. So he has to size up the scene, like there would be a standoff, like the Wilford Brimley, some other people with guns, and they would be like ready on the sides of a hallway to shoot him, and then he would be, "I know what to do," he'd run through the hallway, do backflips, they would try to shoot them and it would go under him because he's backflipping. You You know, like that's, yeah, yeah.

2:07:40 Sam: Yeah, or they're on either sides and they kill each other, like all the way in a row, they're just all shooting each other and going through his arms and legs as he's backfipping, it would've been amazing, God, it would've been so good.

2:07:45 Thomas: Yeah. Would have been perfect. Yeah. That would have felt more motivated than the cotton truck thing. Like that would have been, like, oh yeah, we've established that. It's, you know, yeah

2:07:52 Sam: Yeah. Yeah. Because when you watch the movie at the beginning, everybody who watched this movie, even in the nineties, when they did the backflipping thing, laughed. I guaranteed everybody laughed. That was never not the stupidest thing ever. But then when that happens at the end, everyone would have been like, holy shit, I can't believe I laughed at the beginning when he did the Backflips. I feel like an idiot right now.

2:08:02 Thomas: There's no, it's the stupidest scene ever. Yeah.

2:08:02 Andrew: Yeah. Oh.

2:08:12 Sam: That's the best thing ever!

2:08:12 Andrew: Oh.

2:08:11 Thomas: That 10 years of gymnastics that we didn't put into the script is paying off. Yeah. So, yeah oh

2:08:15 Sam: Yeah. I know. And to set that up too, like you said, with the whole gymnastics thing, they could have just had like a picture of him on the uneven bars in his office or or anything like an old singlet hanging from his door or anything they didn't do any of that

2:08:25 Andrew: Yeah the

2:08:24 Thomas: Anything. Good point. Yeah. Yeah, instead of basketball in the beginning, have gymnastics, you know, there's a little, you know whatever, anything, no, he does, he makes a shot, and then he does a celebration backflip series routine, yeah, anything so, So, okay, so he, he gets away though, and he's talking to Ed Harris again, and Ed Harris is like, oh, you got to come in, you gotta come in, but he's like, no, I got to do something first, and then they find it, and there's like, oh, the crime family's in town, like, we saw, they landed, and so then he goes to some weird, like, tour thing, it's like, like this weird, well, I don't know what it is, like museumy

2:08:35 Sam: Yeah yeah, I don't know, yeah or he makes a shot and they're like, how the hell did you make that move or whatever, well, you know, he's doing gymnastics, anything yeah God. Steamboat tour

2:09:06 Andrew: Only reason to have him go on this tour is so, uh, what do you call the guy from right the guy form Portlandia's wife can see him call out, he doesn't see her, and then there is a, and I'm not making this up, watch the movie, there is slow moving monorail chase scene which in my view, like, the only thing I could think of was, other than the tractor chicken sequence in Footloose, this is the second most ridiculous chase scene I've ever seen, like it

2:09:12 Thomas: Is so a random wife from the firm yeah yeah yeah I love it, right?

2:09:15 Sam: Mm-hmm mm-hm yeah

2:09:35 Thomas: Right I've got a couple things, uh, before that, so, yeah, he, so there, but he's just walking through this weird torrid place thing, and the random wife sees him from the firm, so he's fucked, and then she, like, shows the scene of her on the phone, like, yeah, oh, guess who, who I saw, Mitch McDeere is at this random place, and then the brother, there's just quick scenes here, the brother meets the wife after she lands in a plane that was flown by a guy from ZZ Top and then he gets in the plane, it's kind of, they never really explained that, but whatever, he does that, and then we, that's when we find out Gene Hackman drowned his bathtub, by the way, it was right there, uh, and then Mitch finds out his wife was with Gene Hackman, because he's talking to the black guy who's, you in charge of the planes, uh or no, in charge of the boats sorry yeah in charge of the A-Banks, they keep calling him A-Banks because that's his last name but I always think

2:10:02 Sam: Abanks

2:10:22 Andrew: The body disposal guy yeah yeah

2:10:27 Sam: Yeah, he's quite the tycoon he has a plane and several boats and

2:10:29 Thomas: Yeah yeah

2:10:30 Andrew: Yeah his name is all over everything in the Cayman islands

2:10:31 Sam: Yeah he owns the entire Cayman Islands, I think, but he doesn't have any resources to to he he somehow owns the entirely, but he has no resources to go after the people who killed his son or like look at get the authorities to like look into it at all, yeah

2:10:36 Thomas: They should have just called him Mr. Kamens like yeah yeah

2:10:47 Andrew: No he's still running tours, remember like when Holly Hunter talks to him he's like, oh, I'll keep them out long enough

2:10:49 Sam: He's still running tours yeah

2:10:47 Thomas: Right well show must go on yeah and uh, so that's, he, he finds out from that guy, like, oh, yeah, the, this woman was with Tammy, and her name was Abby, I think, and he's like, oh, my wife, so he knows his wife was with Gene Hackman or whatever, something no man ever wants to find out, and then, uh then is where I have the, that's where I haven't note

2:10:53 Sam: Yeah yeah yeah

2:11:09 Andrew: Well

2:11:07 Sam: Everything he's been through up to this point was nothing compared to finding out his wife was with Gene Hackman, advanced age Gene Hackford, not like young well I don't know what he looked like when he was younger, but yeah

2:11:11 Thomas: Yeah he just has a meltdown yeah yeah and so this is where I have a note that says classic bad guy on the the opposite monorail train thing scene yeah, which is in every, so, uh, then the, the tension is finally getting to the piano player, by the way, he used to be so happy and go lucky, and I don't know what happened to him, he's playing just really tense

2:11:27 Sam: Yeah he was just trying to push through the tension with happy music, but he just couldn't do it anymore, he's like fine

2:11:37 Thomas: Yeah he couldn't do it, he's, he cracked finally so he's like, he's getting all dramatic, and then the albino, uh, and this is where I noted, I was thinking about it, he sees, he spots the albino, and Hank from Breaking Bad, he's like, oh, that's Hank from Breaking Bad. He says that, no he spots, he, albino, and that's what I thought, like, if you're a bad guy henchman, why do you have the most identifiable look on earth which is like an albano white hairdo that's like poofy and huge and big like an 80s hairband, like, why is that, wouldn't you, wouldn't Wilford Brimley at a certain point be like, dude, can you just get a haircut or some, some fucking thing.

2:11:43 Sam: Yeah yeah and he's like look, you're fired, we need to find somebody who, like, yeah, it's not so easy to identify, that sure, we get away with this in the Cayman Islands, because anything goes in the Cayman Islands. But But when you're here murdering in the States, it just doesn't work. You're just too, too recognizable.

2:12:24 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, he's like, look, we've got time after time of people saying like, hmm, I think it was, if I remember right, it was an albino with weird poofy hair. Like, we've just got time efter time of this happening. Could you just trim it a little? Just, yeah, cut the hair. So, yeah.

2:12:37 Sam: Yeah. I don't know if you're going to get into this, but did you notice that there's, first off, the albino just runs like seven miles through this whole chase scene. Not even winded. And he looks, yeah,

2:12:49 Thomas: My next, my next note is 2.5 hours because of constant running. Like it's It's just, there's the next few scenes are just running, running, running, running, running.

2:12:55 Sam: He can't stop running.

2:12:58 Thomas: Yeah.

2:12:58 Andrew: And They're not just running, they're like jumping down escalators, right, which, which again reminds me of it being done better in another movie, which in this case was... was Total Recall, um,

2:13:01 Sam: Yeah. Up and down stairs, over people.

2:13:02 Thomas: Yeah.

2:13:10 Sam: I thought you were going to say it was a federal offense. I was like, oh my God, really? I can't do that anymore.

2:13:10 Andrew: Yeah. Yeah. Tom

2:13:15 Thomas: Yeah. His hairstyle is a federal offense.

2:13:16 Andrew: Cruise has now has now committed yet another federal crime by jumping from one escalator to another, but how does he know but

2:13:21 Sam: Cutting the line, yeah, yeah, cutting the light in a steamboat

2:13:18 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't go from the one tram car to the other without it being your turn yet. Like it's yeah.

2:13:25 Sam: Exhibit

2:13:29 Andrew: How does he know that, like, they're not going to shoot at him, right? Like, I mean, he's literally like in it's why I mentioned the Total Recall, because in Total Recall it's really funny, because Arnold Schwarzenegger just uses people as human shields, because you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger, but here it's Tom Cruise, like, five years later, and again, remember ethics thing, and I just kind of expected him to like pick up one of the passers-by and be like, "Here, human shield in case the albino dude fires at me," yeah, right.

2:13:29 Sam: Oh yeah,

2:13:31 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

2:13:53 Sam: Bullet sponge I

2:13:58 Thomas: So, constant running, like, like we covered, and he ends up in some random building, in like the basement or something, I don't know, because and go

2:14:03 Sam: Hate to interrupt you again, I'm sorry, I had this is one of my favorite jokes, I have to do it. So as they're doing all the scenes, they have a stunt double. I don't know if you guys could tell this, but there's definitely a stunt devil for the albino guy, and the hair is even thicker and blonder than the the actual albano guy, and I started just laughing about it. You have to watch it again just for this one part because it's like a weave, yeah, you're not watching it again, it's ridiculous how this wig is on this stunt double, and I was just thinking, like, why does the stunt double have even more of a ridiculous blonde hair wig, and I started thinking, that, I wonder if the actual albino actor was like, "So who do you got for the stunt devil?" And they showed him the guy, and they're like, "Does my hair really look like that?" And they'll, "Oh no, no, sorry, this isn't, no, this is not your stunt, it's not." And they got like another guy with much thicker, fuller hair, "This is your stunt double, this

2:14:05 Thomas: Ahead, go ahead, sure, oh,

2:14:17 Andrew: Am,

2:14:23 Thomas: Awesome, yeah, yeah,

2:14:24 Andrew: Never watching this movie again.

2:14:50 Thomas: Yeah,

2:14:50 Sam: Is exactly what your hair really looks like this," yeah, yeah, they're yeah, yeah, yeah, the, they were just having problems with him, like, he's an albino, you know, they're kind of unruly on the set, and uh, they just really wanted to placate him by giving him this fully, full-haired

2:14:50 Thomas: This looks just like you yeah, it's like, "Wow, beautiful hair," yeah, yeah, he just kept, he kept interrupting the scene, like, "Cat, cat, this looks nothing like my hair, my hair is way better than that," they're finally, they just had to give him this huge ass wig.

2:15:06 Sam: Yeah, yeah, exactly, they're not gonna believe this," I know, yeah, This is a crucial part to the film, I mean, this is the chase at the end, where, the, time "You gotta have a guy that has the, the same hair as I do," they're like, "Look, we've looked everywhere," yeah,

2:15:19 Thomas: They told the actor, like, "You know what, fine, you just do his hair, you pick out the wig, you just style it, do whatever the fuck you want," he says, yeah, no, that's

2:15:22 Sam: I think, that's what happened. I wouldn't be surprised if that is exactly what happened, honestly, because you got to see this wig, it's outrageous. Anyway,

2:15:27 Thomas: True oh, that's great, so now, okay, like, I said, so Tom Cruise is in a random building and all the doors are locked for some reason, I don't know where he is, and he asked, and again, yeah, yeah, exactly and and

2:15:37 Sam: There's there's exactly three locked doors and one unlocked door, by the way, and all of the characters have to go through checking the three locked doors and then getting to the other door, it's so annoying, yep.

2:15:47 Thomas: Now again, the gymnastics, if if they had just put the fucking gymnastics line earlier, like we said, it would have paid off, because he's doing a thing where he grabs a bar and he's like doing some flips, and he kicks the window. He's trying to break a window.

2:15:49 Andrew: I know nobody

2:15:50 Sam: Yeah,

2:15:59 Andrew: Doesn't do any flips, he just jumps up and like awkwardly, he awkwardly grabs this bar on the ceiling and is trying to kick out a tiny little window and I and I that was my note right, right. But it

2:16:01 Sam: To escape, yeah, it's the only way he can escape, yeah,

2:16:00 Thomas: No, you're right. He doesn't. He just jumps up. Yeah. Yeah. My note here says like he could have picked a quieter escape method. Like it's just the loudest. It's like every kick of the window is like, I'm over here. I'm like, everybody's trying. Trying to find him.

2:16:20 Andrew: Would be a perfect sequence to use his gymnastic abilities and he doesn't. And he's like super uncomfortable on the bar, right? Like it's it looks like, you know, like a lawyer would look like hanging from a bar from the ceiling, which, you know,

2:16:31 Thomas: So then, cut to the albino coming in the room and now we don't know where Mitch is because we just see a broken window and it turns out.

2:16:37 Sam: He might have escaped Yeah.

2:16:38 Thomas: He might have escaped, but it turns out we see him, he's sweating profusely, holding his body parallel up on some pipes above, like just absurdly holding his body up above the the albinos, and he's pouring sweat.

2:16:39 Sam: Yeah. We did you do that when you were a kid in elementary school on the pole where you do that thing, you know, how you put your body kind of sideways? Yeah. It's impossible.

2:16:52 Thomas: Yeah. It lasts 1.2 seconds you can't

2:16:57 Sam: Absolutely impossible.

2:16:57 Thomas: There's there's no way. Yeah. So then diabetes comes in and he sees the albino Hans Gruber with the briefcase, but through a weird shadowy window thing, which always, those always exist at the wrong times. And so he just shoots him. He's like, "Ah, I got him." And then it turns out he shot albino Hans Gruber, and then the great and then Tom Cruise lands

2:17:19 Sam: Yeah. Yeah.

2:17:15 Andrew: I laughed so hard at this part of the movie.

2:17:23 Sam: Yeah.

2:17:24 Thomas: On old man Wilford Brimley and just beats the shit out of us, so funny and he's just

2:17:30 Andrew: This is the best scene of the entire movie.

2:17:32 Sam: That's so good. Yeah.

2:17:34 Andrew: I've Watched it three times. I have laughed out loud all three times because it is so dramatic, and I think the piano is going and it's like Tom Cruise lands on him and manages to kick the gun away, and you're like, Tom Cruise is like 28 in this movie and Wilford Brimley was the guy from Cocoon oh my

2:17:31 Thomas: Yeah uh I loved it.

2:17:37 Sam: That's so good, yeah.

2:17:50 Thomas: Yeah, yeah.

2:17:53 Sam: Yeah when when Tom Cruise falls on him from the ceiling, he would be dead, he wouldn't even move. After that, you don't really need to kick him in the gut like 75 times, and then bash his head in, yeah.

2:17:55 Andrew: Gosh, yeah. That's

2:17:59 Thomas: Here, we just need to let me let me play, okay, let me give people an idea of Wilford Brimley just real quickly.

2:18:06 Sam: Yeah,

2:18:07 Andrew: Part

2:18:10 Clip: I'm Wilford Brimley and I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes about diabetes. Actually about diabetes and how it's affected me in my life.

2:18:20 Sam: Diabetes.

2:18:20 Thomas: So this is the guy we're talking about. Diabetes. So yeah, he just yells diabetes over and over while he's getting the shit kicked out of him.

2:18:21 Sam: Yeah did you guys

2:18:25 Andrew: But I just want to point out, like, 10 years before this movie was shot, Wilford Brimley was was cast as the doddering old guy in a sci-fi movie about taking dodderring old men up into space and rejuvenating them, right? Like, he was. Yes, he was literally like cast as an invalid in 10 years before they're like, why don't we put him in an action movie where Tom cruise beats the hell out of him?

2:18:40 Sam: Yeah Yeah. Near death. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He was living out the last days

2:18:43 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, no.

2:18:53 Sam: Of his life in a cocoon.

2:18:55 Andrew: It was. So, I'm still I'm still laughing. There's nothing funnier than this

2:18:57 Sam: So good. Did you guys both notice, like, after he gets done kicking him for a thousand times, he's out of breath and he's like, it's like he's saying, oh, God, oh God. He's saying something as he's breathing. Did You notice that? God, I wish you had that clip, actually. It's so good. Oh, as he's

2:19:11 Thomas: Oh, we can. Okay, maybe we can play it. Let me find it real quick.

2:19:15 Sam: Breathing, he's like, "Oh my God, oh my God" or something, he says something, it's funny every time he

2:19:16 Andrew: And

2:19:20 Thomas: Okay? Okay, here's where he, Wilford Brimely, just shot uh the albino, and he's Tom Cruise is hanging above him like Batman, yeah,

2:19:31 Sam: Just landed on him, he hits him in the head with the briefcase a couple times this is kicking, yeah.

2:19:33 Thomas: Andrew,

2:19:56 Sam: Yeah yeah, "oh my God, oh my God," yeah at no point was Wilford Brimley putting up a fight at all, he was dead. There was blood, a giant pool of blood, yeah,

2:19:53 Thomas: Diabetes yeah, anyway, yeah, well, the weird thing is, he beats him with a nice, soft briefcase, which looks like more effort than just beating him. Like, it's like, if you try trying to kill a guy with a pillow, like, I would just put down the soft item that you're trying to hit him with and just hit him without your fist or whatever. It's kind of funny, so anyway, yeah, that was totally worth it, yeah, no,

2:20:29 Sam: Part was awesome. I can't say it was I, if I were in that situation, somehow I would kick the shit out of whoever it was, like, if it, it was the albino if it was

2:20:37 Thomas: I liked it. I actually thought that was good part of the movie, like yeah,

2:20:38 Sam: Yeah, because that was a lot of built-up stress and, like, you know, just annoyance of them ruining his life, I would probably kick him longer actually and

2:20:46 Thomas: Yeah, he should have done a take two, like another round, like, "Okay, oh my God, okay, I'm ready again," and then just kicked him again, yeah.

2:20:53 Sam: By the way, if he wasn't a professional gymnast, he wouldn't have gotten manslaughter for that, it would have just been self-defense, but since he was a gymnast, definitely more Jail time on top of the

2:21:02 Thomas: He's like, your skills as a gymnast made you a lethal weapon in this situation. Oh man.

2:21:07 Sam: On top of the many federal offenses he's already committed to, which he'll be in jail for the rest of his life. 10 or 11 life sentences.

2:21:12 Thomas: Yeah. So, so after this, now Tom Cruise is meeting with the gangster McGangsters and these guys are the gangstories gangsters that have ever been cast as gangsters. And I love it because the, their gangster secretary is like, it's a McDeere. It's a Mr. Mitchell McDeere. It was like, I don't know. I just love it's Mr. Monsieur Mitchell Mcdeere. Like just all the M's in a row is really funny

2:21:20 Sam: Yeah. Yeah. It could have been somebody else. Some other McDeere. But it was actually Mitchell McDeere.

2:21:36 Thomas: Yeah yeah Mr. Mitchell McDeere.

2:21:42 Sam: Well, right before that the gangster said we were going to kill him if we find him. He definitely made a deal and we're going to kill him the minute we see him. And then he's actually there.

2:21:42 Thomas: And So, Yeah, Oh, Yeah, Yeah, but So he comes in and he's looking, uh, you know, like very like he just beat the shit out of Wilford Brimley and, uh,

2:21:56 Andrew: I just stopped, I just stop laughing. You can't do that.

2:21:58 Sam: Overbeat. Maybe overkilled

2:21:58 Thomas: Yeah he's got that key Yeah, he's got that, that look that we all know, that the look that you just beat the shit out of him and he see, so he's, his whole thing is he needs their gangster authorization to release their bills to show the overbilling thing, that's his old plan. His whole plan is the overbilling, that's what he's going to get the firm on Yeah.

2:22:07 Andrew: So

2:22:16 Sam: With... Yeah, he just can't get off the overbilling. Yeah.

2:22:18 Thomas: And so he's talking to them, he's like, I can't tell the anyone anything ever about your gangstering, I just want your gangster authorization to release your bills. And that's the whole point of this scene. And he's like, I'm bound by attorney client privilege forever and all of all time. And Andrew was just spinning over in his grave that he already dug for himself. And

2:22:38 Sam: So They do, he does mention the fact that all the copying that they did in the murder room, they boxed those up into plastic things and put them on a, on the boat or whatever, for like safekeeping. So that's sort of his ace in the hole, is that like if he's ever killed by the gangsters, he has all that somewhere that they could never find and he's gonna like release that, so that sort of part of his thing too, not like that would matter.

2:22:55 Thomas: Right.

2:23:00 Andrew: Can I say, can I saying two things with respect to that? So the first is, and now we have yet another, like, where the entire plot is supposed to be how McDeere navigates all of this without out breaching attorney client confidentiality but like taking copies of your client's files that they don't want you to have is a breach of attorney-client confidence, like he's, he's done the one thing that he said I can't possibly do. And number two, like we've already established that the files are worthless because they don't have any numbers on them, but anyway, but

2:23:00 Sam: Yeah yeah yeah no

2:23:20 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah, it makes no no sense.

2:23:33 Andrew: They've said, like, I, it just at this point my brain was like, you've just did the one thing that the movie said, like, even for this movie, right, you can't do that

2:23:35 Sam: You don't understand they say Cornelia on yeah in this fake universe of a movie.

2:23:43 Andrew: Right right

2:23:44 Thomas: Yeah. Also he murdered Wilford Brimley, but that's, so yeah,

2:23:47 Sam: There was actually a scene where Ed Harris, you skipped over, but right after he got done kicking the shit out of Wilford Brimley, Ed Harris, it shows Ed Harrisson goes, I didn't see anything, and he just walks off. Yeah.

2:23:49 Andrew: Will never not be funny

2:23:57 Thomas: Again, that's fine. You're fine. You're covered. You ever, you get one freebie. So uh, so the, so Ed Harris gets to the Holly Hunter office building and it's emptied and he has a note for him. Tom Cruise has left a a note form or a folder that has the overbillings or whatever. And so then Tom Cruise has his ruined house and Ed Harris comes in, just sees that everything's ruined. And he's mad that Mitch is only turning in the lawyers for the over billing instead of the crime family. And then Tom Cruise is like, well, but we get them one at a time, and it makes it sound like it's going to be like a crime fighting series or something. I don't really know what that's about. And the whole thing is that he's won his life back. And like you said early on, he said he rediscovered the law. He's he's all into the law now. Like he gives Ed Hairless back his tape recorder of him blackmailing him.

2:24:03 Sam: Yeah

2:24:49 Thomas: He's like, I could have gone public with this. Why didn't you? And he says, because it's against the law. So he's found the law and yeah,

2:24:55 Andrew: It was it was against the law to take it, but you know, we're not going to mention that, but I

2:24:57 Sam: Hairless

2:24:59 Thomas: Okay. And that's where he says he knew what law to bust him with because of the bar exam, which is just not true. Like I don't, it's so weird.

2:25:07 Andrew: I I definitely felt like they were setting up like a made-for-TV sequel of like, you know, like Hairless and McDeere, like where they go out and bring down firms one at a time you know, and each one, it would be a different, like, ridiculous minor infraction that you know, you would yeah

2:25:10 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. They get them on. Yeah.

2:25:15 Sam: And McDeere yeah like they don't recycle properly, like the shredder like does 10 shreds pieces instead of nine, yeah yeah

2:25:30 Thomas: You tempered with the, yeah. You recorded an MLB game without the express written consent of the something.

2:25:36 Andrew: With only implied oral consent, not express written consent

2:25:37 Thomas: Yeah, yeah, yeah

2:25:38 Sam: He finds like Napster on one of their computers and brings the whole firm down, but in each one he gets to kick the shit out of the old security guy who had, at every office yeah Wilford Brimley worked his whole acting career to just land the role of security guard gets his ass kicked, like, week after week in this series. All the money he made was peanuts compared to this dream role that he landed. And he even, he even insists on not having a stunt double either, it's, it's him, it's actually him that gets his butt kicked.

2:25:44 Thomas: And it keeps cutting to the scene of them slamming cuffs on the lawyer for it. Yeah.

2:25:55 Thomas: No, it's Wilford Brimley every time. Like he's, he's somehow back, yeah like reconstructive surgery oh so funny so yeah No one gets the shit kicked out of himself like it, no stunt double would work like they just can't do it, like you can't, it's like having a stunt double for like scenes

2:26:18 Sam: Yeah yeah yeah they ran through all the stunt doubles, there's none left in Hollywood that would take it, they're like, I'll be the albino with a ridiculous wig, and my, everyone, my family will know that was me, but I am not going to get kicked in the gut 25 times by Tom Cruise, I'm not gonna do it. Do

2:26:29 Thomas: Yeah yeah so back at Tom Cruise's house, his ugly wife is back for some reason, and Tom Cruise, the other thing to note about Tom Cruise in the scene is that he's tired, and you know how when you're tired and your face and eyes get all red makeupy, and you have, like, so you have some weird disease, I guess that's what he has. And then my next note is, like, the piano no player is finally happy again. And that's really all I cared about. And looking

2:27:04 Andrew: No

2:27:05 Sam: You guys know why the fuck they ransacked his entire house, what were they looking for, like he just was going to keep him there at his house.

2:27:09 Thomas: For the files, I guess. Yeah. I think that was the FBI looking for the files, right?

2:27:15 Sam: I don't even know what that was, it made no sense to me, yeah

2:27:16 Thomas: Yeah. Or was it the mafia looking for the files? Somebody was looking for the Files.

2:27:19 Andrew: It was before the mafia got, got into town, so I think it was either the FBI or maybe Wilford Brimley security agents, which again, we haven't wrapped that thread up, right? Like he's, he's beaten Wilford Brimley unconscious, but like his subordinates are still out there, there's still an APB out for uh, for McDeere, right? Like, this there's still the corrupt local cops, like, and we just say McDeal, I'll go, I'll come back to my house and hang out in my ruined house.

2:27:21 Thomas: Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, also, yeah,

2:27:34 Sam: Yeah he also he also totally took the money, the 750,000 Was transferred his brother. Yeah.

2:27:50 Andrew: Right yeah, yeah

2:27:51 Thomas: Oh, that was the best part, because he's like, oh it wasn't for me. Because, like, Ed Harris is like, you stole that much of the government's money. He's like well, it wasn't for me. And it's like,

2:27:55 Sam: Yeah it wasn't for me, it was it was for the felon that should still be in jail, so it's fine that you, yeah

2:28:02 Andrew: There's a little known yeah

2:28:00 Thomas: Oh, okay. Yeah. There's a, there's a loophole in the law where if you steal money for a felon, it's fine.

2:28:07 Sam: Yeah

2:28:07 Andrew: Yeah yeah yeah it Is it, is called... you can plead... but not, how many people know this, you can plea guilty, uh not guilty, or really really good explanation. Um and that's what he said

2:28:18 Thomas: Yeah, you're not even really good.

2:28:17 Sam: Yeah but yeah, he stole the money, his brother is gone so like they could use, okay, Ed Harris would be like, "All right, well, anyway, that's cool about the billing thing, but we're gonna arrest you now for all the crime, the federal crimes you commit, you're not going anywhere, you're not free, yeah it does

2:28:27 Thomas: Yeah? No.

2:28:30 Andrew: Also the the, the folder that he turns over has eight pieces of paper in it, right like it is a smaller folder than when I have, uh, you know, represented my smallest client on his easiest day, right? Like you you could not make a case out of this, right

2:28:35 Sam: Yeah

2:28:35 Thomas: Yeah Yeah.

2:28:44 Sam: It's just a summary of like we overbilled these guys by a hundred dollars, here you go, that, that ought, how to wrap up the case, now you don't need anything else, it's like no documentation on anything.

2:28:50 Andrew: Yeah

2:28:53 Thomas: The but that's how, that's the ending. Is there anything else you guys say? Because that's it, we finally got through it. Yeah go ahead

2:28:57 Sam: I mean also the very end is, you know, they, they leave the house that's completely destroyed and they get back into the same shitty old car that they were driving before, in the same little U-Haul trailer, and then they're going to go back to Boston, or whatever, New York, and he's going to start his own firm now, so it's fine, everything's fine, that's the, yeah

2:28:59 Thomas: Right yeah yeah

2:29:14 Andrew: Can I Point out, the movie made it very clear, I went back and and watched this again, in the wooing section he got favorable terms on a mortgage on that house but like the firm didn't buy that, so he still has a mortgage on that destroyed house that they walk away from at the end, um, so in addition to everything else he's gonna have, you know, default on his loan for his destroyed house in Memphis.

2:29:25 Sam: Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

2:29:28 Thomas: Yeah. Right. He's not getting paid anymore So.

2:29:40 Andrew: Yeah. Um, and then And the movie ends, and if you watch all the way through the credits, which of course I did, it ends with a

2:29:40 Thomas: Yeah. Oh. I didn't Yeah. There's a preview for the new Avengers movie

2:29:47 Sam: That was the the most impressive thing in this whole thing is that Andrew watched through the credits. How did you do that and

2:29:51 Thomas: Yeah. That really wasn't necessary Andrea Yeah.

2:29:52 Andrew: Disclaimer that says, The producers wish to thank the Cayman Islands government and His Excellency Mr. Michael Gore, CBE Governor, for their cooperation in the making of this film, and acknowledge that the Cayman Islands have strict anti-drug and money laundering laws, which are rigorously enforced.

2:30:11 Thomas: And anti-murdery laws, yeah.

2:30:14 Sam: It says several lawyers were murdered in the making of this film in the Cayman Islands they have to put that and

2:30:15 Thomas: Yeah.

2:30:18 Andrew: And I just thought that was fantastic, that the movie The Firm has a disclaimer at the end that says the Caymen Islands are not really as bad as we think it is.

2:30:29 Sam: You're literally the only person who ever even saw that, you're the first person who noticed it

2:30:32 Andrew: Right. Right.

2:30:32 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Said no Wilford Brimley's were harmed in the making of this.

2:30:40 Andrew: And if we were doing if we were doing our version of the Breakfast Club close, I would point out that the voiceover at the end says that Mitch and his his wife, Abby, moved back to Massachusetts, to Boston, right, to start up their law firm. And I did look this up. There are forty three thousand nine hundred and seventy four active resident lawyers in the state of Massachusetts, which which makes it the third worst place to open a law firm after D.C. and New York. So like you should just, he should just pack up and go to like Tennessee or something where there's only like five lawyers in the state.

2:30:40 Sam: Yeah.

2:31:11 Sam: He discovered the log and so It's, he's fine, yeah.

2:31:08 Thomas: So. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's got it. That's a pretty good thing to put on your resume. Like I discovered the law. That Was the one. There was no, I discovered it. So that's, yeah, that's the end and it's, I guess we're just supposed to think that Ed Harris is like, "Yeah, you're right, whatever, you gave me back my tape that you illegally recorded, so I guess you're cool." So we won't, we won't press charges.

2:31:19 Sam: No.

2:31:32 Thomas: No, no charges.

2:31:31 Andrew: Yeah, we'll call it even on the 750 grand.

2:31:34 Sam: Harm done. Yeah.

2:31:35 Andrew: And you helping a felon flee the jurisdiction of the country. Like that's good, too.

2:31:33 Thomas: Yeah. So dumb. Yeah. Yeah.

2:31:40 Sam: No one would look into that, that, like, no other agency would be like, whatever happened to that, the the prisoner? Oh, uh, you know what, we lost him, it's fine though, it happens every once in a while, no big deal.

2:31:44 Andrew: Yeah, especially since the camera zooms in on the form when they get when they get uh his brother released that says temporary release form and again, like, I'm not a criminal lawyer, so I don't know, but that, that seemed like a movie prop to me, but like it focused on the word temporary for like 30 seconds, like it was very clear this guy's coming right back in,

2:31:53 Sam: Yeah yeah yeah

2:32:07 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wouldn't his brother have seen that and been like, wait, just get one of the full release forms. Like, let's do the permanent release form. Yeah. Weird.

2:32:15 Andrew: But he got to see a sunset, set.

2:32:20 Sam: Yeah that

2:32:20 Thomas: Yeah. All right. Well, this is fucking the longest thing of all time, but we got through it. We finished the firm. So, uh, I want to thank, uh. Uh, thanks so much for coming on and putting yourself through that personal hell, Sam, but you got to see Wilford Brimley get the shit kicked out of him.

2:32:27 Sam: Was fun. That was really fun. Yeah. No, I was waiting for that, I was waiting for the pillow jumping scene, it was all worth it, all trudging through the first two and a half hours or whatever it was, that was a really fun

2:32:38 Thomas: Yeah.

2:32:44 Andrew: No,

2:32:45 Thomas: So tell the listeners where they can find you.

2:32:46 Sam: Oh, no one's listening right now.

2:32:49 Thomas: No.

2:32:49 Sam: Um, Um, yeah, well, you can find us on, dude,

2:32:49 Thomas: Okay. Only Andrew is if he got through the credits of this movie. Like there's, there's gotta be some Andrew out there listening to us at this length in the episode. That's the equivalent of Andrew listening through all the way of the credits in the firm.

2:33:01 Sam: True. You know, I just thought of, we got to have Andrew on for the hundredth episode.

2:33:07 Thomas: Oh yeah, definitely.

2:33:08 Sam: Yeah. Cause we're getting all the people on. When is that? It's got to be coming up pretty soon.

2:33:08 Thomas: We'll do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

2:33:12 Sam: Uh, but anyway, no, yeah. Comedy shoeshine. If you like, uh, we do a lot of firm stuff, mostly firm stuff. Uh, we just have never done it all together like this, but, uh. Yeah. Thanks for having me on. That was fun.

2:33:26 Sam: I wait, I'll eagerly wait the next three and a half hour movie that I get to watch someday.

2:33:25 Thomas: That was awesome. All righty. We're going to pick a shorter fucking thing next time. Like, this is not sustainable. There's no way we can do this.

2:33:36 Sam: Yeah. What was the goal? Was it a hundred thousand an episode? Is that what it was? It must have been the worst. It must've been one you wrote down that you were like, "We're never, look, this is never going to happen, so we could just put anything, put the firm, who cares, we're not doing it." Wow.

2:33:37 Andrew: I

2:33:38 Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man, All rightie, that's been it for, uh, for our first, I guess we're calling it Law'd Awful Movies, uh, trait. You know, patent pending. No, I don't know. I guess, guess we can call it that. We've, you've determined, or no, is it too close? Is it too, too much of a knockoff?

2:34:02 Andrew: Think, I think we're good. Oh,

2:34:03 Thomas: Okay. Law'd Awful Movie, that was our first one. Thanks for joining us, Sam, and thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time.

2:34:17 Clip: This has been Opening Arguments with Andrew and Thomas. If you love the show and want to support future episodes, please visit our Patreon page at patreon.com/law. If you can't support us financially, it'd be a big help if you could leave us a five star review on iTunes, Stitcher, or whatever podcast delivery vehicle you use. And be sure to tell all your friends about us. For questions, suggestions, and complaints, email us at openarguments@gmail.com. The show notes and links are on our website at www.openargs.com. Be sure to like our page on Facebook and follow us on Twitter at OpenArgs. Until next time. This podcast is a production of Opening Arguments Media, LLC. All rights reserved.